Vetting Mega-Thread

jackedsoon · 2022-10-07T12:28:08+00:00

Not disrespectful, hasnt fucked someone i know, focused on future/career, been in atleast one ltr.

Thats p much it tbh, its easier IRL cuz they might do/say smthing that makes u go wow shes keeper or damn she for streets

JosieSandie · 2022-10-07T03:34:47+00:00

Okay actually, vetting isn’t entirely fake news. Take your date to hangout somewhere with really slow, spotty Wi-Fi and see how they react.

OwOFemboyUwU · 2022-10-05T19:20:09+00:00

Jfl the main difference between the male lists and the female lists are sheer length.

2baloons · 2022-10-05T02:51:27+00:00

From a good family

Based morals

Free thinker

Hard worker

Competent / sharp

Intellectual in a STEM field

Passionate for the natural world

Physically active

Good looking

Shows me true love

peppapigoink95 · 2022-10-05T00:47:30+00:00

A long laundry list that is intended to keep me from settling for relationships that make my life harder.

Monkey business like being a hoe, flirting with others, whacking it to other girls, hanging out alone with other girls.

Being politically polarized on either end.

Being argumentative, as his default state. The "I'm just honest, sorry you have a problem with it" proud self professed assholes.

Cussing, beer slinging, weed or cig smoking, what your boomer parents would consider "riff raff."

Horrible clothing taste. Wears stuff I could see a lot of twelve year olds wearing. Just dress like an adult. A respectable adult. Not an artsy celebrity weirdo, or a poser hipster wannabe.

Overweight or otherwise doesn't take care of himself / his body.

Bf ticks all the boxes. Exes were a waste of time, when I thought nothing better existed, thanks to loads of people on the internet saying my standards were too high.

VastlyVainVanity · 2022-10-05T00:07:22+00:00

Truth is, if we stop to micro-analyze what we consider to be dealbreakers and red flags, most people will end up with long lists. But in reality, we tend to relax if a person isn't overtly bad as a potential partner.

For example, I find women who defend elective third trimester abortions to be morally repulsive. Right now, writing this, I consider that to be a very bad red flag. But what if I met a woman who is almost my ideal partner in multiple points, but who happens to believe in that? I doubt I'd just say "NOPE" and remain single.

But anyway, the things that I genuinely don't believe I'd ignore as dealbreakers and would prefer to remain single than date women who have them are:

Promiscuous sexual past, into casual sex etc. Even if she has stopped having casual sex, doesn't matter to me, still no good.
History of cheating.
Bad morals. Dishonesty, meanness, insincerity, etc.
Bad control over her emotions.
Not feeling genuinely attracted to me and seeing me more as some stable partner.

In general, I'd say that the dealbreakers are either from things that I value that a person can't change (like the sexual past thing), or things that a person can change with time, but that I don't think it's worth it to hang around her hoping that it'll change.

JosieSandie · 2022-10-04T20:08:18+00:00

Vetting is fake news

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2022-10-04T00:01:44+00:00

Just don't be an insufferable, cheating, apathetic sack of shit and we're good. And no ex-gf/ex-wife name tattoos or racist shit.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2022-10-03T05:53:46+00:00

Green Flags:

Honesty and good communication (You'd be surprised how many people don't understand how to communicate with others). I want a girl who will speak her mind, even when it's uncomfortable.
Sense of humor (my sense of humor is a bit weird, so if I meet a girl who shares it, I know I've got a keeper).
Shares at least a few of my hobbies/interests.
Likes to talk about "big ideas"- the human condition, society as a whole, politics, spirituality, etc.
Similar sex drive (moderately high)
Moderately extraverted, but not overly so.
Encourages me to be the best version of myself.

Red Flags/Dealbreakers:

Having cheated in any past relationship.
Statements or actions that demonstrate a disregard for the well-being of others.
Statements or actions that demonstrate close-mindedness or intolerance.
Constantly seems to be involved in drama.
Note: People who claim to be "empaths" almost always demonstrate at least one of the above four points.
Significantly overweight.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-10-03T03:09:08+00:00

Do the dead bedroom test about 1-2 years in the relationship:

Stop initiating sex
If 7 months passes without sex and they don't say a single thing, it's going to be a dead bedroom relationship.

Spread-Em-Plz · 2022-10-03T02:01:21+00:00

Must-haves

Good relationships with women in her life.
Physically active
Within appropriate age range
At least some type of hobbies and life to engage in outside of me
A job or be actively on the search for one.
Some level of assertiveness and ability to speak her mind
Enjoying talking about hypothetical and theoretical topics
Must display the subtle signs of attraction (it's super important because they're very hard to fake)
No problem with my tastes in media and music (the latter of which may be considered strange)

Bonuses (but not required)

Being a regularly-practicing athlete or regularly does a physical hobby
Good relationship with family (especially parents) and gets along with them well enough that they could be considered friends too
Is of the more calm and introverted variety (not necessary, but could serve as a good counterbalance to my own personality)
Generally intelligent
Going to college or planning to

Yellow and red flags

Psychedelic usage
Big Stoner
- (I have no problem with occasional weed usage though)
Being of the "dyed hair with tattoos and piercings" type
Being of the "Instagram bimbo wannabe" type
Bad spending habits
Questionable taste in men
Religious
Conservative/Republican
Having a weird sleep schedule

Dealbreakers

Religion playing enough of a role in her life that it'd affect our relationship.
Using anything harder than weed or psychedelics
No ambition or willpower
Overweight or obese
Single mom
Always seems to be caught in drama
Smokes cigarettes
Goes clubbing and partying regularly (nothing wrong with doing it occasionally, but someone who does it all the time is just not compatible with me)
N-count is a dealbreaker depending on age and context
Having ever been to jail
Trashy, loud, obnoxious
Can't or won't engage my humor
Stupid and shallow, inability to talk about hypotheticals or even surface-level philosophical/theoretical concepts
Adds nothing to my life

I'm quite a picky person when it comes to a relationship with a person. Given that I prefer singlehood by default, it would take a pretty damn convincing argument to leave that hood.

If any of these are questionable or you want further elaboration on, feel free to ask

FFTzzz · 2022-10-03T00:24:32+00:00

She must not have a penis.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-10-02T17:44:41+00:00

Green: Self-starters first and foremost. Some degree of Misplaced Confidence if I have to deal with one of the three.

Sensuality or "lusty" types as opposed to self-preserving or social types, because I am a Sexual/SX type, you can scroll and read about it.
Self-awareness and (sensation)-driven with future in mind. Awareness of their "position" in the environment around them.
At least 1-3 hobbies outside of technology and computers involving creativity, the hands, or body.
Goes a bit above average: Style which correlates to 'awareness of others outside of themselves and the impact they have'. Style the way they walk, talk, and move. Wears cologne or fragrance because they like it, landscapes not just "trims".
Exhibits enough intelligence for me. Can be 'more' or 'less' intelligent so long as it doesn't have any negative impact.
Adaptability, flexibility.
Proactive about stress and financial management.

Red: None of my green flags.

Not Westernized (or from a 3rd world country fresh off the boat).
Religious fundie. I am irreligious/atheist.
Doesn't smell good/repulsed by them/not physically attracted to them or at least "intrigued" by them.

Deal-Breakers:

No green flags. Having any red flags.
Blames everything on 'society, introversion, their brain, this person/that person,'.
No experience overcoming a significant challenges and obstacles. No battle scars. Nothing to show.
No sexual experience.
Bad Credit.

GridReXX · 2022-10-02T15:40:16+00:00

Green Flags: It doesn't mean that someone has to have all of these for me to date them. My ideal unicorn person may have all of these. But realistically it's more, having some or a lot of these green flags means I’m so open to dating ya I’m simping for ya -- so pick me! lmao

I find them physically cute
thoughtful
mindful about themselves, their life, their goals, and other people
considerate
lighthearted
playful
stable
sociable
thinks critically
intuitive
down for a random road trip
compatible humor
similar lifestyles and lifestyle goals
shared values -- i.e.: I value family and community
similar background -- i.e: I liked how I grew up and was raised

Red Flags * smokes anything that leaves a lingering smell in cars, fabrics, and hair — cigarettes, blunts, joints, etc. * “wyd” in text convos * Only books on their shelf are books like The Art of War, Rich Dad Poor Dad, The Rationale Male, and a bunch of stuff authored by Rollo Tomassi, Jordan Peterson, Mark Manson, Elon Musk, and the like. Plus not a singular book of fiction or non-fiction written by a woman. * Republican -- would need further vetting, see dealbreakers * Their social media bios have the following or similar: “Republican,” “Democrat,” “libertarian,” “liberal,” “conservative,” “all lives matter,” “black lives matter” (unless they themselves are black), “blue lives matter,” “feminist,” “black male studies™️," ADOS™️, FBA™️, unfortunately have to add the USA flag to this list (so many racists online have it lol, so have to vet further), etc. * Calling me pet names like “baby” in texts right away. I only do that for people I’ve grown an affection for and intimacy with. It feels creepy and unsettling coming from people I haven’t established that with. Plus it feels like a tactic they’re using to create an immediate false sense of something that doesn’t exist yet. * An Elon Musk and Joe Rogan fanboy * Hoteps * "Females are X, men are Y." -- why are women only females to them, but men aren't males? hm? lol * If I can’t tell if I think they're cute, but I don't think they're ugly either. This one is more of a red flag for them regarding me tbh. * Has very little of my green flags

Dealbreakers: These mean I will highly likely next them after the first meet-ups/texts/dates. They're things that will substantially affect my ability to romantically, sexually, and affectionately bond with the person.

The following bullets are a proxy for their propensity for being callous or passively cruel human beings. Usually, if they have one of the bullets they have others. * Alludes to manosphere thought leaders such as Tate, Roosh V, Fresh & Fit, Kavin Samuels, etc. as ppl they admire or listen to regularly. This usually over-indexes with “women should be in kitchen” “men should be default respected” "man eat steak pork chitlin woman eat salad" etc. * Rattles off myopic or bigoted conservative talking points and views fondly Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh, Candace Owens, Charlie Kirk, Jordan Peterson, Ann Coulter (admittedly she is sometimes funny but issa no), etc. * MAGA * Trumper * Q Anon * Alt-Right or Ankh-Right (bigoted hoteps, Hebrew Israelites, etc.) * Homophobic, misogynistic, and racist topics are their jam.

The following aren’t about their values, but other things I personally can’t deal with. * Has none of my green flags * Perpetual life instability and “unforeseen” circumstances happening to them (bad credit, jobless, can’t maintain a job, unreliable housing…) * Poor hygiene and grooming: smells bad, spittle in the corners of their mouth, oil buildup in crevices of nose, noticeable dirt and wax in ears, dirt under fingernails, visibly ashy for no good reason * Dirty, messy, or grimey living spaces

hungrychick404 · 2022-10-02T15:36:35+00:00

Dealbreakers: 1. conservative 2. too religious (I can be friends, probably not best for me to date people who consider religion as very important in their lives though) 3. too rich/money focused 4. antifeminist 5. has cheated in former relationships

Must-haves: 1. Voter 2. Similar interests 3. Attracted to each other 4. Not judgmental of drinking, nicotine, or weed 5. Likes animals 6. Interesting

GridReXX · 2022-10-02T15:10:58+00:00

One of my biggest thoughts when it comes to the vetting convo is people only know what they know.

For example, someone who grew up in a socioeconomically disadvantaged environment with abusive or neglectful parents isn’t going to have the same vetting parameters as someone who grew up in a middle class socioeconomic environment with loving, supportive, and engaged parents.

The same understanding honestly applies to everything else we discuss on this sub.

social_mule · 2022-10-02T14:13:25+00:00

Red flags:

believes in astrology
tattoos and/or excessive body piercings
hair dyed in funky non-natural colors. i can understand an older woman maybe dying her hair to cover the gray but purple and blue hair?
likes to play the victim or was the "innocent" party in all her previous break ups
smokes
messy living situation (multiple roommates, couch surfs, history of evictions)
bad with money or prone to scams like MLM schemes
is a feminist
constantly changing her phone number. have you ever met someone who sends out a group text saying this is XXX, this is my new phone number so add it to your contacts every couple of years? is this person sane and stable in other areas of their life? exactly.
overly religious. this goes for mainstream religions as well as new age religions/spirituality like wicca, tarot cards, ouija boards and all that jazz
is fluent in gibberish. i feel like this point needs elaboration.
- claims to be an empath
- talks about mercury retrograde
- believes in and discusses astrological signs at length and in depth. i know i already mentioned astrology but this is a really really red flag. every crazy bitch i have ever met has shared a common trait; the belief in astrology. this is not a coincidence.
- believes she may be psychic
- talks about root shakras
- talks about manifesting things and speaking things into existence
- has ever caught the "holy ghost" or speaks in tongues.
- talks about "the gods" or "the spirit of the ancestors" speaking to her or through her.

Unlikely-Guitar8161 · 2022-10-02T12:06:13+00:00

Deal breakers:

Can't eat spicy food or is a picky eater.

Games more than two hours a week.

Hasn't tried psychedelics and doesn't want to.

Listens to Coldplay.

Into pegging and/or has a foot fetish.

Is an engineer/lawyer/traffic warden or gynecologist.

Barely-moral · 2022-10-02T10:56:18+00:00

What are your rules for vetting a new partner?

Unless you have a mental condition that makes you impartial, you are not picking your partner. You are giving someone you trust with your life a list of potential partners and that someone is making the decision for you. The decision is too important to let your feelings get in the way.

Don't even consider people that you can't vet seriously. If someone did not go through serious struggle and traumatic loss then you can't vet for the way they will react to those. You can't vet them so they are not viable partners.

Find out everything about the people in the list before them being on the list. Hire people to find that information if you don't have the skills or time to do it yourself.

What are the deal breaks, red flags.

To make a long story short and useful to anyone. If someone does not want to actively look for and build the kind of life you want to live in then they are not a good partner. Applying this requires you to know what kind of life you want to live in. That is actually the hard part.

green flags, and must haves for your relationships?

Same thing but in reverse. Anything that is needed to look for and build the kind of life you want to live in is a must have. Anything that helps but is needed is a green flag. Applying this requires you to know what kind of life you want to live in. That is actually the hard part.

I avoided giving specifics because this is about vetting, not about my personal wants/needs.

If I was not clear, I will answer questions.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-10-02T08:38:27+00:00

Dealbreakers:

older than me by 4+ years, or younger than me by more than a year
obese/fat
any jail time/ serious brushes with the law
not sure if it has to be mentioned (super uncommon where I'm from), but any kids are a massive dealbreaker
rude, violent, prone to anger, agressive + especially if very proud of those characteristics
doesn't go to college
religious

Red flags:

body count over 15
cheated in any previous relationship
conservative or totally apolitical
from a different culture
doesn't have any female friends
very introverted
broken, abusive family/ traumatic childhood (unfortuntely I know why I'm putting this on the list)
listens to "cajke music" (specific for where I live)

Green flags

good relationship with his family, esp. parents
wants children and marriage someday
cares about his studies and has an idea for the future
has a softer, emotional side, isn't concerned with appearing masculine all the time
friendly, warm, goofy, calm
same music taste/ subculture as me
same sense of humor
similar experiences as me (catholic family but became an atheist later on, grew up in my city, same generation in school..)

Must-haves

the opposite of the points on the dealbreakers list
monogamous
same opinions on some light lifestyle choices (parties, drinking, drugs, smoking etc.)
vast general knowledge
wants to be the best version of themselves and encourages me to be the best version of myself
has a solid friend group (at least three people he can rely on)
attracted to me and attractive to me

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-10-02T06:44:41+00:00

Intelligent. Reaches a certain looks threshold or has the charisma to make up for it. No criminal background. A decent job - I don’t need a “provider” or Beta Bucks, I make decent money and I don’t want to support an adult who is not employed or is under employed. Has decent manners. Is not rude or arrogant to the wait staff at restaurants. Similar interests - does not need to be identical, but we need other stuff to do besides sex. Not conservative, Republican, or devoutly religious (lapsed Catholic or similar is okay). Not an alcoholic or drug addict - social drinking or weed is okay. Picks up after himself and does not expect me to do everything. Does not think “the man should lead” while also displaying the capacity for leading when necessary. Egalitarian. Has good taste in music - no modern country for example. Not racist or homophobic or sexist. Likes kids and animals.

DivineDaedra · 2022-10-02T05:26:55+00:00

Rules/dealbreakers:

Don’t use anything harder than alcohol/weed.

Must be able to admit when you are wrong.

Do not get angry when you are told “no”

Personal must-haves:

Must like animals, preferably wants/has pets.

Must be okay with not having biological children.

Must be patient and understanding in regards to mental illness.

Must enjoy video games.

Must be okay with me being… domestically challenged.

Must not be politically right of center on social issues.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-10-02T04:06:24+00:00

College-educated, Christian, left of center, good relationship with his family, no drugs, no smoking, limits alcohol to special occasions but preferably never

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-10-02T03:32:14+00:00

No substance consumation or addiction: no amoking, no weed, no alcohol. (I do not drink or smoke, have no tattoos)
Above average qualities: height, penis, intelligence. (I have above average body and intelligence)
Must make at least the same amount as I do.
Flexible work schedule, not more than 8 hours a day schedule (I have a job with flexible schedule, if we have children it will matter)
To have "practical" hobbies - hiking, wood working, making knots.
If they dropped out, to have went through at least half of a B.A. program
To posses driver's licence.
MODERATE political views (I am centrist myself)
No casual sx or hookups -----> a similar N count as my own (<5).
At least one previous relationship.
I am vegetarian, so not not expect me to cook meat.
I do not mind balding as long as they don't get a dad bod and remain skinny.
No female friends (I apply the same rule for myself, I do not have male friends and I do not hang out with men in private or outside a group).
No criminal record.
No history of violent/impulsive behaviour.
No baby mamma(s).
No history of cheating.
Older than me (no more than 2 years older).

gastongang · 2022-10-02T03:03:57+00:00

shit I want

-decently attractive

-kind

-empathic to a degree

-humble

-has some sort of passion or hobby

-cool-headed and reasonable

-doesn't pick fights or cause trouble because she is bored and wants drama

- respects me

-virgin/only wants to have sex with someone she is truly committed to

disqualifier

- fat

- entitled

-whiny

dbz19_kai · 2022-10-02T02:10:10+00:00

In terms of marriage:

must have the same future plans as me
must be marriage minded and want kids
should have many years of fertility left and can have kids cause I’d like multiple children
ideally in her 20’s
ideally should share similar interests to her
I have to find her attractive and be secure around her
Must not have an argumentative or combative personality. It’s fine to disagree with me on a range of issues but I hate women who look for arguments for the sake of arguments and have to turn everything into an argument. These are the worst types of women and I can’t stand them.
ideally she’d by cutesy and have wifey qualities. I don’t want her to always be a quiet submissive housewife but I wouldn’t mind a few submissive qualities personality wise. Ultimately I want her to be feminine and cutesy.
Must not have a sexual history that makes me feel insecure and jealous of her past partners
in terms of political views, I don’t care as long as she’s not pro-abortion. I don’t want to risk her aborting my child if we have an accidental pregnancy. I am not okay with my son or daughter being aborted so I need to be sure that won’t happen especially since if there is an accidental pregnancy, it will be entirely her decision in whether she aborts or not.
ultimately, her and I must be compatible and she has to be someone I can picture myself married to and having a family with, and someone I can introduce to my family

For dating/sex:

just have to find her physically attractive

LoomingCrimson · 2022-10-02T01:17:21+00:00

Must have traits

Intelligence is fine but incredibly overrated. Give me a tolerant and kind person first and foremost. Emotionally and socially clever wins over scholastic ability.

Productive communicator. Self reflective and also able to stand their ground when necessary.

Physical chemistry is important. They can be pretty all they want but an absence of romantic spark is a dealbreaker for me long term.

Absolute dealbreakers

Trouble with the law. Don’t really want to invite that into my life if I don’t have to.

Untreated debilitating mental illness. I don’t want someone I have to babysit or would consider a dependent. If I wanted that, I’d get a pet or have a child.

Someone unkind and/or rude. I don’t care how clever you think you are, if you’re a jerk to people you can get lost. (Not talking about banter, but actually harmful jackasses)

neutralhumanbody · 2022-10-02T01:16:54+00:00

Dealbreakers:

Hates children
Right wing (both authoritarian and libertarian)
Dishonest
Passive or passive aggressive
Hates arbitrary things for no reason, (astrology, movies they’ve never seen, etc.) or is a contrarian
Gives unwarranted and useless advice
Pessimist or a downer
Partier (Drinks often or does drugs/substances often)

Must Haves:

Intelligent (preferably socially or emotionally)
Straight forward/ assertive
Respectful and polite to others
Family oriented/ wants children
Nerdy in some capacity
Older than me
Financially literate
Ability to communicate effectively

gobblegoobleoneofus · 2022-10-01T23:16:52+00:00

Heres my list for a relationship. They don't need all of these just most of them. Best I ever got was a girl with all of them except she wanted kids.

Positive Attributes

qualifiers

easy to talk to
enthusiastic about being with me
athletic
excited about her
childfree
ok with taking things slow for a while and doing things in steps
makes $50,000+ per year
frugal
independant
has long hair
likes animals
communicates directly
thinks for herself
has the courage to face confrontation

Negative Attributes

disqualifiers

obese. overweight and doesn't work out.
baggage. holding onto negativity from past relationships and its affecting her life
depressed. needy.
interferes with my goals
unable to endure minor discomfort
fake. virtue signaller
feels like work to date her
words don't match actions
collectivist
into politics too much.
slave mentality
hot/cold
does what other people do because thats what people do
unable to overcome minor fears

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-10-01T21:32:02+00:00

Red flag: wanting to control how I dress, who I spend time with and when

I read screenshot of a post on FDS a while ago by a guy asking why the girl he was seeing broke up with him after he took the special hair towel he didn’t like out of her suitcase before a trip. My immediate guess was that he had unknowingly thrown up a huge red flag and she was cutting her losses before she got too invested.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-10-01T19:47:02+00:00

Red flags:

Low sociosexuality

Catching them in a lie (even of omission) about something small

Homebody/introverted

Ditzy/unintelligent/intentionally puts up a facade of ditzyness to appear more attractive

Likes to spend 10+hrs a week on video games or Netflix or TV, or goes on socials more than average

Obsessed with image to others (fine line here.. I want a hot girl who takes care of herself, works out, does makeup, etc. But I don't want a girl who posts IG posts at a specific time to get more likes for example)

Doesn't have sex with me at the first opportunity we have alone in private

Lives w parents

No career path/no degree or plan to acquire a degree or equivalent certifications in Trades or something

Degree in something useless, UNLESS passionate about said field and works in said field

Hates drugs and alcohol

Loves drugs and alcohol

Redhead (srry; my mom is a redhead so that's a big Ole no go)

Wants to be a housewife

Into severe BDSM

Green Flags:

Good in bed, likes similar things in sex that I like

Decent sex drive , wants sex at least once every time we're together on or after a date

Bodies mesh well together (hard to explain without being explicit, but I've had some instances where sex just.. doesn't work well. Can go into detail over PM if anyone wants)

Tasteful tattoos

Eloquent and articulate

Honest even when it's difficult to be, willing to accept consequences if they fuck up instead of lying to hide it

Is where they say they will be on time , not just on dates but overall

Likes to do fun things on the town , travel, do outdoorsy things

Doesn't get incredibly upset at non-intentionally-hurtful criticism (my ex cried when I told her something that really bothered me, which bothered me even more, esp when she didnt fix it lol)

Is ambivalent about marriage and children , at very least not set on a timeline for them

Willing to get an abortion if necessary

Non-religious or at least not actively so

Ummmmm I'm sure I can think of more later I'll make some edits at the gym

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-10-01T19:41:50+00:00

Married but if I was single

Deal breakers: Bad hygiene, Feminist, smoker, rude, poor self care , too right or left leaning, substance abuse, controlling, extreme mental issues, baby daddy drama, highly insecure, sexually prudish, has any of the following jobs: sex worker, cop, active military

Red Flags: Bad with money, pronouns in bio, has cheated on a SO ( after a certain age, if she cheats on somebody at 16 I really don't care but at like in her mid twenties or something ), jealousy, single mother, too into social media, all of her exes are "crazy or insecure", shit taste in music

green flags

Honesty, open communication, trusting, maternal, respects my time, kind to people, can cook a good meal, takes care of herself, close with her family, being attentive, good listener, etc.,

must haves

Femininity, somebody who takes care of themselves, sexual compatibility, wants to have kids (although since we have baby number four on the way (I may be fine with one or two more and then calling it a day lol) , close enough in values pertaining to social and political issues, support, submissiveness/compliance, respect and of course good old-fashioned physical attraction

prettymuchredpilled · 2022-10-01T19:10:21+00:00

Assuming we're talking about a LTR:

Deal breakers: Drug/alcohol abuse, serious mental issues, has kids, 35 or older, obese, sex work (including OnlyFans), high body count, face tattoos, masculine or otherwise disagreeable personality, STIs

Green flags: Big booty, not being a total bitch, etc.

Must haves: Compassionate, beautiful, intelligent.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-10-01T18:50:49+00:00

Deal breakers: smoking, drinking, wants/has children, conservatives, bigots, age gap over 5 years

Red flags: using Greek letters to describe men, believing in astrology, too much muscle, bald/shaven head, trying to apper as masculine as possible

Green flags: similar interests, long hair, not actively religious, same professional area as me (tech), same stage in life as me (student)

HeartCatchHana · 2022-10-01T18:36:04+00:00

Deal breakers •wants biological children •isn't willing to adopt a child •hates animals •hates cats •hates children •a bigot

Red flags •has no job •works under the table •doesn't work out •watches a bunch of anime/huge anime fan •plays a lot of video games

Must haves •be able to drive •a job •life goals

mistressusa · 2022-10-01T18:24:22+00:00

When they say they are a "nice guy" -- major red flag.

risdeveau · 2022-10-01T18:22:05+00:00

It doesn’t matter what your standards are, it matters how desperate you are

sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-10-01T17:58:09+00:00

1) Wants children 2) Kind, respectful, caring, funny, calm and confident but not a doormat or submissive. 3) Some shared interests or just a willingness to share interests meaning showing interest in mine or wanting me to take part in his 4) Culture, well... Other culture is fine as long as there will be no culture shocks. No culture where screaming or such is the normal way of communication. 5) Intelligent and well read. Doesn’t have to be university educated. 6) No job in finance or law or things like that. No policeman or firefighter. 7) Cares about his health 8) Emotional control, can control his sexual urges. Doesn’t watch porn. At least not within a relationship. No high amount of partners, doesn’t do casual sex. 9) A decent amount of social skills but preferably moderately introverted. 10) Moderately conservative but agreeable. Kind of a balanced outlook on life. 11) Ambitious in the sense has a passion? Goals. Doesn’t at all have to be a job, just not someone who wants to be on the couch and smoke weed and do nothing. 12) Emotional maturity, wisdom, can reflect over things. 13) Shared basic values. 14) Not narcissistic, doesn’t care about validation (but not antisocial obviously).

This is just approximate. In real life you look at the whole person.

chattanoogacat · 2022-10-01T17:40:19+00:00

I’m picky af for an average dude.

Red flags:

Extensive sexual/dating history ( different bf every week Seinfeld type shit )

Constantly talks about exes

Prone to nagging.

Gets bored in peaceful/ calm scenarios

Comfortable around shouting/ violence

Obsessed with race/ ethnicity talk that’s not their own race ethnicity.

Prone to micro manage

Clinginess

No hobbies

Works retail and does not have a plan

Lying.

Lots of tattoos

——————————-

Green flag :

listens to a variety of music

In shape or is planning to get in shape. Encourages active behavior.

Art friendly

Geek friendly

Glasses( more of a kink. I use to put these on profiles)

Respectful and knowledgeable of other culture but not over opinionated

Outspoken without being loud.

Sailor mouth or comfortable around sailor mouths

Enjoys alone time.

Likes to cook.

Understands hiphop.

darksoul1622 · 2022-10-01T17:37:26+00:00

For women I would like to marry

Have a good and respectable social group
Is attractive to me and attracted to me
Is a loyal honorable person and has good morals
Is kind gentle and loving but she can step up to the challenge if the need arises
Similar levels of intelligence to me and preferably works in the same field as me ( medicine) but that isn't necessary
Similar number of sexual partners as me but if it is higher it is okay only if it doesn't affect our relationship ( don't want no crazy exes )
Preferably atheist or liberal , or at least a sane religious women that doesn't have a problem dating an atheist
Wants kids a lot of kids ( 3 minimum)
Is at least willy Wonka level kinky ( I am a kinky Michael what can I say ) but goes without saying kinky in a monogamous setting ( no threesome)
Willing to deal with my very middle eastern family ( it isn't too bad my mom doesn't bite)
This may sound racist but preferably I would like her to be Scandinavian or just white ( what can I say I am a sucker for blonde and red hair )
Is a redditer of course ( this is a must have )

wtknight · 2022-10-01T17:31:41+00:00

She has to have a consistently pleasant personality. She has to enjoy intellectual discussions. She can't have had a casual sex history. She can't seem like the type who has problems managing money. She can't have hobbies that would get her in trouble with the law. She can't be a racist. That's pretty much it for me.

JustaGuyinFinance · 2022-10-01T17:22:53+00:00

I had a pretty big laundry list before I got married-

No past relationships

Teetotaler

No smoking

No drugs

Intelligent

Must have own passions and hobbies. A couple of them if same as me would be a bonus

Must be okay with taking care of the house since I worked abysmal hours

From the same community as me

Reasonable spending habits

Emotional maturity

Rarely uses social media

Childfree

DreamDeflowering · 2022-10-01T17:11:27+00:00

Deal breakers:

Not a virgin
In debt
Feminist
Tattoos
Piercings
Party girl
Uses dating app
Doesn't want kids
Believes hoeing around is empowering

Red Flags:

Goes to a liberal college/course
Has kissed another guy before
No concrete goals
Comes from a broken family
Is friends with hoes

Green flags:

Comes from a rich family
Goes to church
Cooks well
Is studying something profitable
Good relationship with parents

Must have:

Virginity
Pleasant personality
Marriage-oriented mindset
Willing to go 50/50

baiser_vole · 2022-10-01T17:00:43+00:00

Similar cultural and religious background
Similar values
Has a good relationship with family and friends
Has a good reputation all around
I like his friends and family & they like me back
Has had 1 LTR minimum
Similar political stance
Could be a part of #1, but no tattoos or piercings. No drugs no weed. No getting drunk.
Must be willing to sign a prenup
Is mature (considerate, grateful of what he has been given, has perseverance, finds every fault in oneself before blaming others, good financial habits, not lazy, patient, well regulated emotions)
Can win the approval of my parents and my best friends (similar to 4)
Similar level of intelligence
Supportive of my ambitions, has ambitions and drive for himself

I do have a minimum looks threshold, but my guy friend has confirmed it is more than achievable.

saraimarsena · 2022-10-01T16:50:39+00:00

interesting because my rules have drastically changed from one experience to the next.

must be kind, friendly, funny, caring, protective
no jail time
no heavy drug use. weed and alcohol are fine, but only recreationally
must be okay with taking threesomes and outside partners off the table completely
must have a steady income, preferably making more than me
respective of my initial sexual boundaries
a Christian background/interest
marriage minded, wants kids
strong preference for men with traditional values
matches my interest in going out, but also likes to stay in sometimes

there’s probably more with varying degrees of preference but those are maybe my top 10. i also generally like a man that’s wants to see me taken care of.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-10-01T16:46:54+00:00

Curious towards life. Similar values, or at least values I can respect. Has patience and self-control. Not too many sex partners or previous relationships. High education. Not religious. Doesn’t smoke. Has hobbies and friends. Adores me.

Sofia_sticated91 · 2022-10-01T16:46:05+00:00

Attractive

Not clingy

No STDs

Not boring

Not too serious about the relationship

noafrochamplusamurai · 2022-10-01T16:41:26+00:00

Must be intelligent ( I can't stress this enough). Should also be confident. Needs to have some form of upward mobility. This can be variable, but as long as you're moving from A to B in an upward direction I'm satisfied. They also need to enjoy sports, and active lifestyle.

Lastly, the final piece can only be vetted in situ. How they treat other people in their space ( waitstaff,cashiers,valets,siblings,friends,kids,pets)

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-01T16:33:00+00:00

The ability to be alone (I don't want to be attached at the hip to anyone and they need to be okay with that or neither of us will be happy)
Non-elitist (cannot think a billionaire is better than them or that they are better than the person who cleans their office building)
Must be childfree (not want kids, not have kids who are still at home most of the time -aka older kids who have left the nest are fine or who will in a few years and I respect that their kids come first, I just don't want to raise any/be a caretaker for any)
Must abide by guidelines we set together for protecting ourselves from pregnancy and STIs
Loves to learn (either is well-educated or self taught, reads books)
Progressive when it comes to most things, especially all things human rights related
Doesn't expect me to pay for everything (though if we were serious and we agreed I would support him that would be fine), doesn't expect me to give up my career and be housebound
Does not partake in MLM schemes, heavily or consistently in crypto and other forms of gambling, or exclusively rely on alternative medicine
Not heavily religious and follows a religion that is not traditional (but atheists and agnostics are preferred)
Has their own hobbies and/or interests and social circle and does not rely on me for all their socializing
Must be managing their health (if they are addicted to cigarettes it is usually a dealbreaker but if they are working on quitting I can be patient and understand that relapse is part of the process)
If they are regularly engaging in illegal things or unethical things

If someone ever hurts a human or animal in anything but self-defense, automatic dealbreaker. If they break guidelines we have to protect our sexual health, dealbreaker. If they are indirectly violent (throwing plates, destroying personal effects et cetera) same dealbreaker as if they were directly violent.

bunnakay · 2022-10-01T16:16:41+00:00

No tradcons or conservatives.
Must not have or want kids
Must be financially independent and agree to split shared expenses 50/50 and keep the rest of our money separate
Urbanite
Intelligent, well-educated
Kind, resilient, focused
Good relationships with friends and family
Is proactive about his health
No addictions or prison time

Ainsleygz · 2022-10-01T16:13:46+00:00

Must prefer Battlestar Galactica 1978 over the new one

Slootiendo · 2022-10-01T16:11:48+00:00

Must haves for LTR: Chaste, young, no tattoos.

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Title	Vetting Mega-Thread
Author	AutoModerator
Upvotes	14
Comments	193
Date	October 1, 2022 4:00 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xsyy3t/vetting_megathread/
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