What do you define as flirting?

BigZaddyZ3 · 2022-12-14T15:56:58+00:00

Good post tbh. Especially cause it blows apart another stupid bluepill notion. That every guy that gets laid is this supreme social genius that picks up on 1000 different subtle social cues. In reality, most of us are just getting laid off our looks tbh😂

I feel the best advice anyone can give you is that, the best flirting is overt not covert. If the person’s really interested, you won’t have wonder whether or not they are flirting with you. Anything else is just friendly banter to me honestly…

wtknight · 2022-12-14T16:26:15+00:00

It depends on the woman. I knew a woman who maintained constant eye contact, smiled at me and touched my shoulder who was not into me. I knew a shy woman who didn’t keep constant eye contact who only made casual conversation with me who was into me. It’s useless to come up with a concrete definition of it because all people are different.

TotalTravesty · 2022-12-14T16:15:28+00:00

A lot of “what even is flirting” angst will be alleviated when one comes to terms with the fact that sometimes they’ll be wrong. Everyone flirts differently so, end of the day, it’s a guessing game where winners get a date and losers get an awkward moment and a bruised ego.

Not satisfied? Tough. Life is one big guess.

toasterchild · 2022-12-14T16:15:38+00:00

The difference I have noticed in sexually successful men is that they don't care if their flirting or advances are rejected, they just shrug it off and move on or make a joke about it. The only way you are likely getting anywhere is to learn how to flirt and escalate. If someone doesn't pick up on it then they don't, try again or move on, you can't control how other people are going to respond to you, you can just interact with them and see what happens.

Stop obsessing about the outcome and start focusing on the trying.

x_pyromance · 2022-12-14T15:58:09+00:00

inb4 every female here starts to talk about their life because the world revolves around them.

Oli_love90 · 2022-12-14T16:01:05+00:00

I think you have 2 different points going here.

1- I think guys tend to think they’ll be out at a bar or shopping and some girl is going to come up and flirt with them subtly. When in actuality it’s most likely girls you see consistently that’ll flirt with you not some random cute girl out and about. Knowing someone you’ll be able to pick up their cues the more you see them.

2- Women are just saying that if you approach in public they may not be open to it. Some may be annoyed by it, some may be polite, some may be interested. When speaking to anyone in public, no matter what you want, you have to learn their cues anyway. Let’s say you need directions, and a man is sitting and another is walking fast with headphones which one would you approach to ask? Use the same logic when taking to women.

JDWhiz96 · 2022-12-14T16:41:39+00:00

If my penis is not in her hands It's not flirting.

SillyMushroomTip · 2022-12-15T12:23:19+00:00

It takes an insane amount of practice to understand when a woman is actually flirting with you. However just because she likes to flirt doesn't automatically mean she's interesting, 50% of the time they just like getting the attention.

Women live life on tutorial mode

TheMedsPeds · 2022-12-14T17:22:54+00:00

Funny thing is I’m the opposite of most women. If I make eye contact, speak open and do all the “she likes you things” signs it means I’m not nervous because I’m not attracted to you.

If I am attracted to you. I’m nervous, I won’t be able to make eye contact and do all the things girls normally do when they like a guy.

So in conclusion I don’t flirt.

wrathofkalima · 2022-12-14T16:16:41+00:00

Persistent eye contact. If I don’t like a guy, I’m going to hold less eye contact unless we’re having a serious discussion.
Body language. When I am approached and I don’t like the guy, I turn my body away from him, create distance, minimise eye contact, general closes body language.
Extending the conversations. If a woman asks a lot of questions then it can be a sign of interest. One word answers are a sign that she wants the interaction to end.
If you have positive body language, persistent eye contact and a good conversation going, initiate light touch. Such as a playful tap on the shoulder or knee. If she responds positively then you’re in.

Of course context matters. Don’t do this at work or when a woman is in a professional or vulnerable space. Also, these signs don’t work in isolation - you need to pick up on multiple signals before things escalate. E.G. don’t escalate just because a woman made eye contact - other signals need to be present.

The guys who struggle to get women are the ones who struggle to read these signals and go in too early or fail to escalate. It’s a tightrope but life isn’t fair 🤷‍♀️

2022-12-14T19:08:26+00:00

Women do not have a monolithic opinion on this. I'm a very shy awkward woman, and I love to flirt but sometimes it just takes me by surprise. It's not malicious or to try and make the guy feel bad. We're just humans too.

Georgist_Muddlehead · 2022-12-14T18:07:36+00:00

That study sounds intriguing, but I wonder about the context. The abstract says: "opposite-sex heterosexual strangers interacted for 10 to 12 minutes, then self-reported flirting and perceived partner flirting."

Were they told beforehand that they would be asked if they thought the stranger flirted? Were they told to flirt if they found the stranger attractive, or were some told to flirt and others not, regardless of whether they found the stranger attractive?

2022-12-14T21:25:49+00:00

That's a wierd study. They just put a bunch of couples together and asked them to flirt.

Pretty sure that's not something easily to in a clinical setting.

Birb-brained · 2022-12-14T16:26:15+00:00

I prefer the praying mantis approach. No hair twirling or giggling. Stare at them with a mixture of anger and disdain, like you are going to eat them alive. They will either be terrified, confused or strangely aroused.

pronouns-king-lord · 2022-12-14T16:05:45+00:00

Its not reading minds its reading body language.

KayRay1994 · 2022-12-14T18:04:42+00:00

you kinda have to have it in you to escalate it just by a nudge to see if it is flirting or not, flirting usually starts off far more subtle and gets more obvious the more both parties dig into each other, so to speak - most flirting, unless you’re in a situation that is so driven by obvious attraction thus making it fully unignorable - so really most times the only way to really know is escalate it just by a tiny bit, just enough to see if she’s willing to ride that wave or escalate herself, that being said - that nudge has to be small enough to where if she’s not interested, she just won’t pick up on it as move on - don’t escalate to where you’re basically cornering her

2022-12-14T18:49:02+00:00

There's no one definition for flirting because people will do it differently. It can be difficult to tell. Generally it's consistent friendly behavior that increasingly intensifying to sexual tension. There's certain body language, expressions, phrases, and topics, that common when people are flirting.

Behaviors like giving gifts, suddenly dressing nicer when they're interacting with or seeing you, hugging you when they say hello/goodbye, held eye contact, etc. The issue is some very friendly people exist that will do some of these things platonically.

The main difference with flirting imo is that if the party is very interested snd not shy, they will try to escalate interactions if given the chance.

Caetraaa · 2022-12-14T15:56:10+00:00

To answer the title? Idk I'm horrible at reading people and generally only assume I'm being flirted with if someone says something clearly flirtatious.

To answer the body of your post, I'd actually prefer not to be approached, I'm more comfortable doing the approaching and even though I've been rejected every time it's so much less stressful to be rejected than to have to reject someone. Sure I'm a little sad someone said no, but I don't have to fear physical violence like I do when rejecting a man.

baresquad · 2022-12-14T16:09:52+00:00

Is it necessary to put a definition on it? Every single human interaction is dynamic.

The first girl who twirled her hair and smiled at you may have been flirting with you. The second girl who twirled her hair and smiled at you may not have been flirting with you.

If you misread, so what? I feel like I say this a lot here, that’s how dating works. You took the risk and was wrong, oh well.

If that blocks you from taking the risk in the future then that’s on you. You shouldn’t feel shamed or punished for getting rejected or misreading someone. You guys let the validation of others control too much of yourselves.

a_popful_mail · 2022-12-14T18:35:40+00:00

Usually my flirting is pretty overt. But I only tend to end up getting attracted to people I've known as friends for quite some time. And when it happens I'll usually express it pretty heavily with things I think would interest them and things that show off my goofiest side. Like cheesy pick up lines, or getting super involved in all of our conversations, asking tons of questions and nerding out in front of them to the extent I just blab and blab at length without a care. It gets pretty obvious to tell.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-12-14T22:51:22+00:00

u/wrathofkalima had some good ones.. eye contact, body language, conversations, and touch.

Imo and ime, the two most important are:

TOUCH/Personal space! If she or he is getting super close unnecessarily... they into you.
Not responding negatively to sexually tinged comments.

Not something like "omg bb u wan som fuk?" But more like lighthearted jokes or suggestive pictures.

Examples of number 1: last weekend at the bar I was talking with my girl friends I went with and a random girl basically parked herself 1ft from me and started dancing suggestively (bar wasn't crowded). I have a partner I love so I didn't make a move. Second example is my partner and I met at a bar as well and when I offered my vape to her she basically vaped while standing on my feet. So I obviously kissed her lmao.

Examples of number 2: the first girl I ever slept with after breaking up with my ex was from bumble. We were talking about rugby and i sent a picture of myself in my All Blacks shorts... but I didn't have a shirt on. Another example: I asked for a picture of a tinder hookup before we hooked up, and she sent me a suggestive pic of her from previously (it was dark but light was coming thru in the pic). So I joked around and said that's not you rn! What if you buzzed off that amazing hair! Or something along those lines. And she laughed and sent me a live suggestive pic. conversations about dating or sex apply too. But you have to read the room and can't be a fucking donut and say "omg send me ur titties"

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-12-14T17:08:07+00:00

As an expert flirter: the key is escalation. If a woman is trying to extend the conversation, or giggle, or be playful back (could be negging/bratty/cute), you are almost assuredly flirting.

It needs to be reciprocal; otherwise she's just being friendly.

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Exotic-One3381 · 2022-12-14T20:05:17+00:00

yes this is true

RIPBernieSanders1 · 2022-12-15T00:27:49+00:00

There's a look in their eyes. Prolonged eye contact is like, a maybe sign. Once she starts hitting me playfully or any kind of touching, I know she's flirting.

2022-12-15T06:54:40+00:00

Flirting is talking with someone in a way that makes them feel good.

Good flirting is talking with someone in a way that makes them feel good where you're not attached to the outcome.

yelo777 · 2022-12-15T10:16:06+00:00

Example, you're in a bar. You look around, you see a woman looking at you, you smile, she smiles, she looks away you look away, a few seconds later, you look back again, she looks back again. You can now assume that she would like for you to come over and introduce yourself.

If the woman doesn't want to make eye contact with you, assume she's not interested.

2022-12-15T11:59:33+00:00

It really depends on the person. Flirting can also be very different culturally as well. For instance women I’ve talked to in the US will typically maintain a more relaxed but consistent eye contact when they’re attracted to you. Softer eyes, looking at your lips, etc. But women (and men) I’ve talked to from countries in Western Europe tend to maintain far more consistent eye contact regardless of whether or not they have attraction towards you. So it can be a bit more difficult to tell solely based off that whether or not they’re attracted to you.

2022-12-15T12:02:22+00:00

I say just don’t overthink it and go for what you want. If you find out after approaching that she’s not into you just move on.

Maelas84 · 2022-12-15T14:58:11+00:00

There is no "what you define"..there is a definition.

Material_Ad_4792 · 2022-12-19T19:41:36+00:00

Depends. But I’ll give some examples of direct flirting that girls have said /done to me:

Mentioning that we should do an activity or smth together without directly asking. One time this girl was telling me about her fear of ducks and I mentioned how I would go to this duck park frequently and they were always nice to me. And she said “well I need to start going out with you then so maybe they’ll stop attacking me”
Touching. Honestly girls will not touch you if they don’t like you. Matter of fact they’ll avoid touching you. If a girl is going out of her way to hug you, touch your arm, shoulder, and especially if she keeps touching your hair, she’s probably interested. That or just insanely comfortable with you.
Going out of her way to be close to you. Similar to the touch thing it’s a pretty big giveaway if a girl doesn’t need to be close by you yet she’s trying to. If there’s multiple people around capable of helping but she keeps going to you, if she’s making an effort to come up and talk to you about stuff she doesn’t really have to talk to you about, etc.
This can be a tricky one but if you know she doesn’t actually dislike you but she’s constantly making fun of you, acting disinterested, saying she hates you, etc it could mean she’s flirting/into you. The key here though is being SURE she doesn’t ACTUALLY dislike you, which should be easy. Usually girls that do this will not avoid you being around them too much and will be open to you approaching. But if she genuinely just dislikes you odds are she won’t even want to be around you.

Winnypeg92 · 2022-12-29T12:59:22+00:00

My flirting is obvious but not over the top. Eye contact with purpose.

thecuntofmontecrisco · 2022-12-14T16:35:12+00:00

This sun just puts me in a shit mood. You’re all miserable. Go outside. Unsubscribed!

Title	What do you define as flirting?
Author	Johnny_Autism
Upvotes	73
Comments	152
Date	December 14, 2022 3:49 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zluf31/what_do_you_define_as_flirting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-define-as-flirting.1143908 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143908

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