Why do men avoid any firm statements on dating apps?

MikeArrow · 2025-01-27T22:43:04+00:00

I spent a lot of time writing and re-writing my bio. I think it was a fair representation of my personality, creativity, style of humor, etc.

I changed my prompts fairly often, trying to find something that was witty and funny without coming across as trying too hard.

Nothing worked. Zero matches.

Conclusion? It's because I didn't have abs.

Kentaro009 · 2025-01-27T22:09:54+00:00

"character-less and bland" - that describes 99 percent of women's profiles as well.

Most people are selecting based on looks in online dating, and very few are selecting off your profile.

The type of man that is trying to impress women with a well thought out profile is already behind the 8 ball in dating and isn't desirable.

Logos1789 · 2025-01-27T22:35:32+00:00

You’re underestimating the percentage of male dating/hookup app users who want casual sex.

You’re underestimating most women’s subconscious aversion to men who appear to need to try hard to get women.

giveuporfindaway · 2025-01-28T07:59:42+00:00

This extreme shallow blandness is intentional. They want a profile that can appeal to the maximally unthreatening, triggering or disqualifying to the largest number of women. These people in real life usually resemble your standard marketing sales guy - always full of smiles, able to be relatable in every way but absolutely no soul. Unfortunately this is what women select for on apps. Women don't select for outspoken niche people.

There is a strategy that I read about in a book that suggest the opposite but it has tradeoffs. The idea is to accept being less popular with the majority of people while being extremely popular with an outlier sub-culture (for example punks or goths).

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2025-01-27T23:05:41+00:00

Because all those dealbreakers do is limit your options. And when you meet the right person face to face, a lot of those suddenly become flexible.

SillyMushroomTip · 2025-01-27T22:25:47+00:00

Because Women are repulsed by firm statements on Men's dating profiles. If you say your looking for hookups then your a pig, if you looking for short term than your not serious enough, and if you put your looking for a relationship your too serious. There is never any win unless your ambiguous

mobjack · 2025-01-27T22:21:38+00:00

The majority of men on apps want short term relationships and don't care about deal breakers.

James_M_Croft · 2025-01-28T13:09:30+00:00

It is simple. It simply works.

I did try to put some "character" and "non bland" profiles out there.

You know what happens? none wanted that.

The fact is that women are COMPLETELY different beings from men, and being offensive will only lead to diminished returns

PPD_DailyPoster · 2025-01-27T22:36:39+00:00

But for real, one reason is to maximize the odds of getting someone to swipe right.

Hi-Road · 2025-01-28T04:41:03+00:00

>They’ll fill out a few “easy” prompts (f.e. height) and copy-paste some cringy one-liner in the bio and leave it at that. Either completely skip the “hard” questions (politics, religion, wanting kids or not) or choose the most wishy-washy option possible (moderate, agnostic, not sure).

>I’m gonna be honest, I don’t get it. Do you really think this helps you with matches? Or is it just you truly just don’t think that stuff matters / don’t care about it that much?

LOL meanwhile, in the dudes feed

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Trancetastic16 · 2025-01-28T09:57:28+00:00

how character-less and bland most men’s profiles are.

This is equally as true for a large percentage of women’s profiles. It’s also possible that because women have a much larger amount of attention, they can more often rely on their looks and minimal profiles and still find dating success irregardless.

They’ll fill out a few “easy” prompts (f.e. height) and copy-paste some cringy one-liner in the bio and leave it at that. Either completely skip the “hard” questions (politics, religion, wanting kids or not) or choose the most wishy-washy option possible (moderate, agnostic, not sure).

What’s bland and low effort to one person is direct, straightforward and focused on the individual rather than someone who is an avid social media/the dating app “power user”.

It’s all subjective depending on the individual’s compatibility, and this is coming from someone who prefers detailed profiles and swipes No on minimal detailed profiles.

It’s rather judgemental of you to judge the “Moderate” political label when this is an accurate description for many political Centrists, and Agnostic being a spiritual belief. Not sure is again a compatibility issue and as someone Child-free, I instantly swipe No on people who aren’t sure.

But in the end, Looks is always the first barrier and dating apps also do have plenty of power users who hookup and are very successful as long as they are in the top percentage for Looks.

Those of who are looking for Long Term compatibility with direct, honest and detailed profiles will continue to do our best to find our matches.

Main_Aside_3072 · 2025-01-28T19:13:37+00:00

Yes, most women's dating profiles are also really bland and boring aswell.

But women don't get penalized as much by being average or boring, because dating and relationships are exponentially more difficult for men that is for women.

growframe · 2025-01-27T22:33:05+00:00

I'd wager most people don't even read profiles. I don't use the apps myself but I've spoken to a few people about them and pretty much all of them just swipe based on looks and then see how the conversation goes

cuckspace · 2025-01-28T00:53:55+00:00

The majority of men are, by definition, average, and thus struggle to get any matches. They are not trying to limit their options any more than they already are, so they cast as wide a net as possible. The criteria for a right swipe is “would”, based solely on the pictures. Some will even swipe right on every profile without looking. The simultaneous cause and effect of this is that women are drowning and men are starving. Which is also why it would make sense for a woman to want to limit her options, but the exact opposite strategy would make sense for the average man.

meisterkraus · 2025-01-28T11:13:01+00:00

I don't see how being a moderate or agnostic is wishy washy. They are firm stances.

The reason to give middle of the road answers is to get more matches. There are a lot of things men don't give a shit about. I know far more women that won't date a person based on political affliction then man.

t_krett · 2025-01-28T13:31:17+00:00

You underestimate how much men are ready to defer to their gf. Only a few are willing to let politics, religion or even a desire for offspring get in the way of a good relationship.

Height on the other hand is not only immutable, it is something you can sell yourself on to some women

Also you are misunderstanding how this works. People don't list their own dealbreakers, they list what they are unable to compromise on.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2025-01-29T19:49:30+00:00

Simple. A woman can get 20 messeges in a hour after joining a dating site, thus, they can be picky. Men on the other hand would be luckly to get one every six months, if that. Thus, we can't be picky. We put down what would attract the most women. I've joined eight dating sites in the last 10 years, said "yes" to everyone, and I've been asked out three times. (One whom I married). Men can't be picky. And everything bothers women these days so we can't make any firm statements. And if we did, women would complain about that.

aerodynamicsofacow04 · 2025-01-30T19:37:29+00:00

A lot of men use dating apps like a fishing net, they cast out as wide a net as possible, in hopes of attracting at least a few women regardless of actual demographics of personality.

They don’t want to exclude any possible woman, so they go for bland, uninteresting profiles.

Some women also have bland profiles, but for the opposite reason. They’ve never had to actually be interesting to attract men. I specifically like women who I know I have a decent chance with (know your place in the dating market ladies and gentlemen), and women who have actual personality.

PattayaVagabond · 2025-01-27T23:53:39+00:00

As a guy on online dating you have to be as generic as possible. It works via an elo system similar to chess, if you match with people you get a higher "rating" and get shown to more attractive women.

If you make your profile unique your rating goes down and you don't get matches, or get unattractive ones.

That's why it appears that all men are very generic/boring. In reality they aren't, but they have to appear as such due to the rules of the game.

Proudvow · 2025-01-28T00:21:47+00:00

don’t you think that at the end of the day you’re just wasting your and your potential match’s time?

A bigger waste of time is never getting a match ever because women were scared off by your profile.

It's best to say nothing and let her make up details.

Relevant_Actuary2205 · 2025-01-27T22:23:48+00:00

The short answer is: you’re a stranger.

The long answer is I think this really goes to how terribly social media is having an effect on our society. There’s this wild concept of meeting people, going on dates and figuring out what you like and possibly shifting what you want in someone based on other factors you may not have known about.

It doesn’t sound like you’re looking to date and learn about someone it sounds you’re looking for a resume that fits your standards and to be fair there’s nothing wrong with that. But most guys with any amount of self respect aren’t going to do that

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PPD_DailyPoster · 2025-01-27T22:36:00+00:00

I wrote that I didn't want kids. Got no matches. Sad.

thehitch9 · 2025-01-27T23:28:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Stock-Argument-1040 · 2025-01-28T22:39:36+00:00

This is true of most OLD profiles in general. A good portion of the profiles I see for women are 1-3 pictures with very generic information. OLD will always attract lazy people who don't want to put in the work at a higher rate than having to approach in person. Here are a few reasons for some things that don't just boil down to laziness:

1) A lot of people in general don't have a hard political leaning or religious affiliation.

2) A lot of people don't realise that their views are very right/left wing because they are surrounded by people who think the same or are more extreme, so they truly view themself as a moderate.

3) A lot of people don't know if they want kids until they meet the right person. They would have kids if they find someone they want to raise them with but also aren't strictly opposed to being child free with the right partner.

4) Some people don't know if what they do counts as an interesting hobby vs what they do is boring to those outside of the hobby. (i.e. I make puppets and plushies but that doesn't read as interesting on a dating app.)

5) Some people have hobbies that are to some extent embarrassing or they know women in general don't care about. (i.e. we've all heard complaints about fishing pictures on dating apps but to some extent that's showing something that is important to that guy.)

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-01-29T13:02:23+00:00

Women will attune themselves to a guy they really like.

This issue is, this happens in person, not over an app. In person swings the advantage in the guy’s direction. The goal is just to get you there first.

Also, those “hard” questions are bullshit because, as stated above, the right guy will result in a woman suddenly wanting kids or not wanting a pixie cut (aka giving up) anymore. Happens all the time.

Read about Eva Mendez and how meeting Ryan Gosling suddenly made her want kids, etc.

Anti_Thing · 2025-01-29T15:42:16+00:00

I can't speak for other men. On dating apps, I myself am quite clear about being socio-politically conservative (usually I select "moderate" or "centrist" but explain in my bio that I'm centrist on economic issues but conservative on social issues), Christian, & wanting kids.

NockerJoe · 2025-02-06T10:36:12+00:00

Because thats not how apps are used. You get randomly sorted into a pile and drawn like a card. You get drawn more the more people like your profile, but if people don't like you your profile gets reduced visibility. Very few people are actually searching for a particular value system AND find that a deal breaker compared to just playing Hot Or Not.

If the algorithm is giving you the level of scarcity that, statistically, male users get, then what you're actually screening for is a handful of positive first reactions so you get more exposure beyond that.

Besides, lets get real, you find out most of that stuff in person on the first date anyway. Thats the whole point of the noncomittal coffee shop date internet women seem to hate to begin with. Trying to have an app who's UI was probably initially modeled for casual encounters replace the actual early dating phase is a good part of why the apps fail to function to begin with.

Which is why these complaints are so stupid so often. What you want isn't to date some dude off an app. What you want is an app that'll do the work that normally takes a couple of dares for you and then to come in as if you're already in a strong relationship that was never actually built up because that part of the relationship no longer happened.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2025-01-27T22:34:36+00:00

See, you gotta differentiate between what's efficient and what is moral.

The less attractive a man, the more important it is how he sequences letters on the keyboard.

Suppose you're an adamant Republican who's looking for a casual adventure. Does it really make sense to state that you're an agnostic, Trump-supporting man who is against indefinite immigration?

Absolutely not.

Some men, out of desperation, even do this when they're looking for something more long-term and stable, not realizing that it will cost them down the road in the compatibility department.

Men, especially the ones who're after instant gratification will prioritize efficiency over ethics and I'm sure women are guilty of this to some extent as well.

Basic-Parfait3122 · 2025-01-28T09:48:31+00:00

Because bios don't really matter.

HTML_Novice · 2025-01-28T18:01:18+00:00

Because those things are used as disqualifying qualities but not boosters. She will not like you more because of any qualities you put in your bio or info except height. She will like you much less though. So then the safest way is ambiguity

RahLyt · 2025-01-28T15:58:06+00:00

Nope, if I'm there I want to fuck.

I'm not sabotaging myself for something I genuinely don't care about.

Politics in the rest of the world is not as polarizing as it is in the US.

I think feminism is bs, I'd still fuck a feminist. Actually the last 2 had feminism on their profile, none of this was actually spoken on the date lol.

Title	Why do men avoid any firm statements on dating apps?
Author	-non-stop-pop
Upvotes	0
Comments	119
Date	January 27, 2025 10:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1iblk3i/why_do_men_avoid_any_firm_statements_on_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-men-avoid-any-firm-statements-on-dating.1542321 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542321

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