Would you be okay with a (one-sided) open relationship if there was a lack of sex in your LTR?

Superannuated_punk · 2025-08-01T21:20:13+00:00

Cool idea till he decides that the other woman meets his emotional and sexual needs and cuts you out of the picture. Which he will.

Besides - most people can’t tease apart sex and emotion; at least not for long.

deletbait · 2025-08-01T21:24:39+00:00

Personally no but that's because my desire and romantic feelings are strongly tide to my sexual desire. I can have sex without developing a romantic connection but the more "meaningless sex" I have the less attached to my gf I would become.

Jetpine9 · 2025-08-01T21:49:10+00:00

It doesn't really work like that. I tried a poly thing for a bit. Not very many women are interested in me at the best of times, when attempting to explain that "I'm in a open-poly-whatnot relationship" that number effectively drops to zero. Negative numbers, if possible. If you're a guy. An average guy. If you're a woman you probably won't have much problem finding a partner.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2025-08-02T08:12:58+00:00

It's cute to assume Basic Bob and Cubicle Carl can even get one-sided sex in the first place.

Fun_Push7168 · 2025-08-01T22:24:08+00:00

I do exactly that and yeah it's fine.

Where it becomes problematic is that elsewhere typically wants more. Nowthe original relationship is threatened if she's also got more going for her than sex. There's definitely less motivation for the original one to really stay the main one and so it can switch places.

Either way if she doesn't want me and someone else does I let them have me and let the cards fall where they may.

Ok_Use7 · 2025-08-01T21:53:34+00:00

No. I’m non-monogamous but a dynamic like this wouldn’t work for me.

I think sex is just sex but sex with emotional attachment with someone you love means more. Sex with other women wouldn’t be the same as the person I’m in a relationship with so I’d still be missing out on my partner.

Colt_Master · 2025-08-01T21:35:53+00:00

Not the kind of relationship I'm looking for. Even assuming theoretically I'm able to consistently and effortlessly have as much sex from casual partners as from a monogamous partner with a similar libido (non-'chad' alert):

This scenario seems to presume dramalessness, but I don't buy it. Jealousy, emotional cheating concerns will still happen, especially under asymmetrical rules. If in this case the primary reason it doesn't happen is because of her avoidant attachment, well, I don't want an avoidantly attached partner to begin with. Also I assume we'll have to keep this under wrap with our social circles, as having an open/swingers relationship can be a relatively non-embarrassing secret, but a one-sided cuckquean relationship is something we'll likely have to manage, especially when it's my main sexual outlet.
Furthermore I doubt my ability to maintain romantic feelings for a romantic partner who I'm having little to no sex with while actively having sex with other people instead. The way I see it I think my primary partner will probably become a glorified housemate/coparent/besties.

SadCahita · 2025-08-02T10:31:33+00:00

Why would I marry the former then?

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-08-01T22:25:28+00:00

Everyone has a match. You will not find yours in the general population. Normal people will see this and be like “Okay, so we’re just friends?”

It’d be easier to just find a low libido male

midnight_blue77 · 2025-08-02T05:35:52+00:00

I admit if my girlfriend would actually want me to have sex with other girls just because she can't then I'd be sad instead of horny. Having sex with other girls is no different than just jerking it to porn, sex with her is not something another girl can just replace. I would still want sex with her because I love her.

The thought of her telling me to go fuck some random pussy just to make me happy and only because she can't have sex with me kinda feels like a punch right in the gut for me. It's kinda hard to get horny when I'm more worried about what could be going on with her or what quiet pain she might be hiding from me. Sex would not even be on my mind at that point.

UnpredictableDemise8 · 2025-08-02T23:12:15+00:00

No i wouldn't want that. I hate the concept of open-relationships, even if I would benefit from it. Best case would be to either not even enter a relationship with someone who doesn't match your own libido, or to try and find solutions to increase someones libido. Of course some people just have a lower sex drive than others, but there is also a good chunk of people who have a lower sex drive because of lifestyle related issues (stress, anxiety, bad habits like drugs etc.).

Rich-Efficiency3394 · 2025-08-01T23:19:33+00:00

Id prefer to have sex with the woman I'm married to but if the options were:

No sex
Sex with other people

I'm gonna be fucking.

Ego73 · 2025-08-01T21:42:20+00:00

I don't think there'd actually be a point for me in continuing if there never is sex. But provided it's happening every once in a while, sure. Finding another matching partner would probably be too hard anyways so even the open part isn't necessary.

I think quality matters a lot more than quantity. For sex to be worth it, it would probably need to be at least to be over an hour long, otherwise I can just do it on my own. And holding a job takes away from my schedule enough for sex to not be reasonable at that frequency.

MarioWilson122 · 2025-08-01T21:51:38+00:00

Well of course but its best for the man to leave that situation if the woman is gonna feel a negative way about it. Most men like having it open on their end anyways but they just cant afford to do so as an average guy.

Gotta have the big bucks to pull that off which most that do have it that way. Anyway if the Libido is a mismatch then the probably shouldnt get together to begin with. Now if it happened later on they might just end up breaking it off in most cases as that is tough for most men to overcome.

AutoModerator · 2025-08-01T20:23:02+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

KayRay1994 · 2025-08-01T21:32:20+00:00

I do lean demisexual and emotional intimacy is more important than sexual intimacy for me. I think as long as sex is happening occasionally in genuinely passionately charged moments im happy with that - and no, I wouldn’t be sleeping with others. Im monogamous first and foremost and this applies both ways

That being said - if the emotional intimacy and non sexual physical intimacy is lacking then that’s gonna be a problem and the relationship probably won’t work

Kapoue · 2025-08-01T23:10:35+00:00

My longtime girlfriend (16 years) and I tried nonmonogamy two years ago. We both lived great things but had some bad experiences too during that time.

It's certainly possible to have a one-sided open relationship but it would take work to make it fulfilling. There are therapists that are specialized in nonmonogamist couples. I'd suggest going to see one to better understand what you want to get from this and what you don't want to happen.

Also, I'd suggest that you completely open the relationship even if you don't feel the need to explore yourself. If you finally have that desire, it would be better if you already had the ok instead of having to have the discussion with your partner.

Opening a relationship takes good communication. Don't just rush into it without thinking it can damage your relationship.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-08-01T23:48:52+00:00

No. Why would I be in a relationship with her when I value sex as part of a relationship? Why not just date the others and marry/LTR them instead?

Very few people want to be a sidepiece, and it's a lot of work to screen for someone who'd want such an arrangement, and even so, that person likely is only okay with it temporarily until they meet someone who they want something serious with.

One of the nice things about settling down is getting your desires met without the need to go through all the awkwardness at the beginning of dating/relationships. While it's fun getting to meet new people with the promise of a relationship, once you've experienced a good relationship with regular passionate sex, dates, deep friendship/companionship, etc...the process of starting over is fun in a different way, and a major part of that is the promise it offers. Remove the promise, or know that the promise will always be temporary at best, and it's not nearly as fun.

Quealpedoestoy · 2025-08-02T03:16:37+00:00

Honestly, no.

Why dont you try some variation of a "free use" dynamic? Since you lack desire and he doesnt, he could "use" your body in a masturbatory way instead of going with other women.

Both scenarios are less than ideal, but at least you dont risk him meeting someone than fully satisfies him both sexually and emotionally.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-08-02T09:36:56+00:00

I will be okay anyway. I was okay before entering a relationship so no prob

balhaegu · 2025-08-02T15:17:37+00:00

Find your boyfriend a side chick. Problem solved

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-08-01T21:43:41+00:00

Would you be okay with your LTR gf/wife rarely being in the mood, if you're allowed to have sex with others?

No, since she will still be getting resources from me it's make more sense to just cut my losses and move on.

Ultramega39 · 2025-08-01T21:29:20+00:00

No.

Mainly because I don't want a open relationship and i don't really have much desire for sex. And besides one woman in my life is more than enough.

growframe · 2025-08-01T21:49:32+00:00

No, I want to have sex with the person I'm dating. I don't want to date someone and have casual sex on the side

grillopie · 2025-08-01T23:26:36+00:00

Id consider it if the relationship was normal for 20 years but due to some physiological issue this became the arrangement. Id still be very unhappy about it.

I would never get into a relationship like this.

James_M_Croft · 2025-08-01T23:51:04+00:00

Nope. Not for me. I do not need more drama in my life and an one sided open relationship would add more drama even if it were to work, what I doubt.

I would just divorce at this point. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel.

You see you have serious mental issues. Solve your own problems. It is not your partners responsibility to deal with your problems. It is yours.

There are good means to solve it, more masturbation, words of affirmation, antidepressants, anxiety medication, come on. You skipped all the reasonable choices and gone "I am too passive to work on myself, let him do whatever he wants".

Magniloquence818 · 2025-08-02T07:37:10+00:00

Assuming it is otherwise a loving, mutually supportive relationship, I'd just masturbate to meet my needs. I don't understand the appeal of multiple sexual partners.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-08-01T21:33:18+00:00

I’m going to be honest.

I think if women did this and acknowledged they had low libido/the lack of sex, cheating would go down. I say this because in most of these deadbedrooms, wife wants to weaponize sex deals, part of the frustration is the guy being gaslit into thinking nothing is wrong or he has an impossible burden to overcome to get the slightest bit of affection.

This scenario at least indicates the woman gives a fuck about her man’s needs, and that’s more than I can say for a lot of LTRs today which is sad.

That said, I’d have my wife explore HRT or look into the real issue she is having. I’m not a firm believer in low libido (sans hormone issues), just low desire.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-08-01T23:08:05+00:00

Bruh. Would you be okay if your partner met I don't know 50% of your financial needs based on his feelings? Your bills are unpaid because he didn't feel like it this month. But you're free to seek financial help elsewhere.

You would drop this guy in a blink of an eye.

Conscious-Truth-7685 · 2025-08-02T01:44:17+00:00

I think it'd have to be for a better reason than low-labido. There would need to be some binding factor that makes your relationship indestructible. For instance, I will never leave my wife. We have as perfect as a relationship as it gets, but she is also chronically ill, which makes sex a challenge. We have discussed this scenario before, but at the end of the day, I'd rather cherish those moments we do get to be together than share them with someone else. It also helps that I don't see sex as a means to an end. If I need to get off, I can use my hand. Women are not tools for hands-free masturbation and I think a lot of dudes forget that or simply disagree.

OtPayOkerSmay · 2025-08-01T21:25:10+00:00

You see this dynamic with high status men. They will have dedicated girlfriend or wife at home that lets them sleep around.

In that coldplay CEO situation, the wife of the guy probably knew he was going to Coldplay with his HR concubine - I mean, why the fuck else would you go to coldplay other than to appease a woman? The only reason that thing blew up so much is because it was an opportunity for women to inject their opinions about how men are bad and the guys wife should leave - even though, again, she probably knew about the affair and was okay with it if not for the millions of harpies coming out of the woodwork telling her how problematic it is.

With all of that said, this isn't something the average guy can expect. A CEO can have a one-sided open relationship, but the average looking guy in IT probably can't - if anything, he might get a one-sided open relationship where his wife is the one cucking him.

Connect_Wallaby2876 · 2025-08-01T22:38:49+00:00

Hell yeah. Matter fact I would like that setup even if there was enough sex in the relationship.

wtknight · 2025-08-01T23:05:46+00:00

Sure. But I'm not sure that this would work because I can't have sex with a woman unless I'm in love with her, so my partner would have to be content with me being in love with both her and another woman.

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2025-08-02T03:47:24+00:00

As long as everything else in the relationship is otherwise alright, I'd rather not have sex at all if that's the case. Having a side chick seems extremely disrespectful to everyone involved.

SeemedGood · 2025-08-01T21:44:08+00:00

Men never have parental certainty, women always do. To expect us to react similarly is a denial of basic biological science.

Title	Would you be okay with a (one-sided) open relationship if there was a lack of sex in your LTR?
Author	Internal_Storm_9588
Upvotes	11
Comments	77
Date	August 1, 2025 8:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1mf77jl/would_you_be_okay_with_a_onesided_open/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-be-okay-with-a-one-sided-open.1558678 https://theredarchive.com/post/1558678

Comments