To what degree do looks actually matter? [recovered]

sidbunch6 · 2022-07-25T17:27:12+00:00

you've kind of answered your own question with your observations of good looking guys having girls all over them. Only on seddit do we live in a fantasy world where 'girls don't care about looks' lol

It still amazes me that this idea is pushed. It actually undermines everything else!

End of the day, she needs to think you are good looking. You don't need to be a male model or the best looking guy she's ever seen, but she needs to think you are kinda hot. Of course! You don't want to kiss a girl who you don't think is pretty, and she doesn't want to kiss (or more!) a guy who she literally isn't physically attracted too

Physical attraction is pre-requisite. At which point, 'game' is useful, and usually (not always) required to seal the deal.

Looks get you the interview

mangusta123 · 2022-07-25T18:47:29+00:00

I'd say it's 80 % looks and 20 % game/flirting, confidence comes from looks so it's included in the first point

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-25T16:45:03+00:00

I got a news flash for you, Walter Cronkite. Even ugly peoples fuck each other.

Bosscat727 · 2022-07-25T17:35:02+00:00

They matter of course. Yes girls will come up and talk to them easier but if you’re trying to do more than quick lays you have to have something else going for you. Girls won’t just stay for looks.

Travis_Varga · 2022-07-25T16:44:16+00:00

It depends on the woman and her dating goals.

Planet_Weird420 · 2022-07-25T17:14:33+00:00

100%

P7o7s7t7a7l · 2022-07-25T18:47:15+00:00

They do matter but to what degree depends on their ego.

The inflated male ego wants the most beautiful woman.

The inflated female ego wants the material gain of the relationship, especially if it's popular.

Not everyone is 100 percent ego driven, but the more egocentric the environment, the more the behavior starts to churn as you've described.

mrniceguy268 · 2022-07-25T18:30:57+00:00

Responses here are missing the mark. OP thinks of himself has being not so good looking, and wants to know if he has any hope.

The answer is definitely. Attractive as is more complicated than the look of your face. I’m a pretty ugly looking guy. Always have been. Like legitimately no one would ever say that I have a handsome face. I objectively don’t. But I’m still the shit. I’m confident in myself, I’ve made it my life’s work to be fun to be around, I’m generous to my friends and I’m a loud boisterous guy and everyone knows what I’m all about. You might not score every night with a different girl but you’ll have plenty of attractive options. You’ll also be disqualified by some, who cares. Get yourself an 6 who fucks like a 10 and that’s a lot better than a 10 who fucks like a 3.

ResponsibilityKey427 · 2022-07-25T19:04:14+00:00

It matters a ton.

Only in this sub do they say that looks don’t matter.

Like bro, if you good looking tinder literally will get you laid every day of the week if you want.

Also, some of my not so good looking friends get rejected within the first second before they say anything.

Is that because of their bad game and personality?

No it’s because they are short and ugly.

Like where is this idea that looks don’t matter come from?

From that scammer dating coach that need to push his program?

sparklingwinepapi92 · 2022-07-25T19:07:44+00:00

Looks aren't everything, but the better looking you are, the much easier things get.

They can treat them like shit and they would still wanna talk to them

In my personal experience, it's mostly the girls who have low self esteem that let you get away with treating them like garbage.

Matt_Bigmonster · 2022-07-25T17:48:56+00:00

Double edged sword really. 6'3" fit brunet here, fit, exotic face, big dick.

It helps first 5 seconds but you better have game to go with your looks, otherwise you will go high on the opener but crash and burn because of the lack of congruency. So actually hard to progress if you are a nice guy.
You don't have any excuse really, if the interaction didn't go anywhere it's on me and my shitty game. I can't say "she is in to tall guys not me".
It sets a certain expectations which comes with a ton of shit testing. It was a hike uphill for me trying to prove I'm not a player all the time. Big breakthrough when I started playing unavailable (hurt in the past and careful about new relationships). But it get's in the way of creating connections.

ohsnapt · 2022-07-25T18:49:28+00:00

my fat ugly bad style friend always has a girl, my short bald friend just got married to a gorgeous woman

on the other hand i look a bit like 'thor' from the marvel movies, no girl in sight for me;)

inner game is the differerence. im insecure, miss 100% of the shots you dont take

CometAzur42069 · 2022-07-25T18:56:34+00:00

A lot, but looks aren't permanent and can be changed. So you have no real reason to use them as an excuse unless you have a serious genetic disorder.

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2022-07-25T19:24:20+00:00

Depends on your life's philosophy and how you view not only attractiveness, but the degrees of variance between the sexes and their inherent rankings.

If you have a defeatist world view then looks are all-important. If you're a nihilist looks don't matter.

Then you must take into account the scale of looks and how they apply to both attractive & non-attractive people; I assure you both have a huge variance of what they deem "attractive".

Instead of worrying about the "genetic lottery" of which you have zero control over; past or present, you should concern yourself with that which you have absolute control over: flipping attraction switches. If you don't know the top 5 attraction switches you don't belong posting on this sub.

TLDR; whether you think looks matter or you think looks don't matter, you're correct. It all depends on what you want versus what you are willing to go through and what you ultimately figure out about looks after you've been in a bunch of relationships.

magpie_journey · 2022-07-25T20:37:52+00:00

Looks are super important but confidence is key. I’m a handsome guy and never had trouble getting interest from girls. Despite that, I always really struggled with insecurity because I was abused growing up. I can’t begin to say how many times I’ve fumbled the bag with stunning women who were super into me. I still have a long way to go, but I’ve started to see lots of improvement when I started to like myself more.

Tl;Dr Good looks are an advantage and they do matter a lot, but they’re not going to fix all your dating struggles

hagakurejunkie · 2022-07-25T21:25:09+00:00

Met a total lunatic last night, face all tattooed, he’s a line cook at a college bar. He’s well known to many of my friends, has a rotation of 5-6 girls. Amazing and total scumbag but the ladies love him

BasedKhatri · 2022-07-25T17:08:04+00:00

A lot. As a fairly good-looking man, I can confirm that. The amount of attention I get offline or online like-wise is unbelievable.

hookedonfonicsmunky · 2022-07-25T19:18:07+00:00

Idk it's weird, i'm good looking and muscular so i turn the heads but these chicks go after...... dude i don't even know what tf they go for sometimes the guys decent looking but most of the time it's like wtf hahaha

rienjabura · 2022-07-25T20:12:12+00:00

Okay, some things OP:

You have to change your mentality about dating, yourself, and women in general.

If your goal here is that are going to go on Seddit or other forums just to whine about women picking conventionally attractive men over you, congratulations, you have accomplished your goal.

On the other hand , if your goal is to find out HOW to make yourself more attractive to women, you MUST work on yourself. Go to r/frugalmalefashion and pick up some new clothes. Start meditating for 10min a day, and focus on what you can improve, and take action steps towards that. Develop a more positive image of yourself, and use positive self talk at all times. Stop referring to women as "bitches" or other negative words.

The thing here, is that if you are a negative person, people, not just women, see that, hear that, they can even smell it - and they won't be attracted to you. Even if you got some weird plastic surgery done and changed your looks, it may give you some results, but you would lose more than you gain because of your attitude.

Yes, looks gets you in the door, but our outlook on yourself and life - your attitude - is essential to not just your success in dating, but your own personal success as well.

You would be AMAZED at how far just being a more positive person will change how people perceive you.

pdxtrader · 2022-07-25T21:18:02+00:00

Read “The Game” by Neil Strauss. Looks don’t much matter to women compared to social status and power. Why do you think you see beautiful women with bald dudes.

Calamity__Bane · 2022-07-25T18:43:52+00:00

Looks are an advantage, but I’ve seen pretty average and below average dudes make up for weak looks with sheer ballsiness, charisma, and fantastic calibration. On the other hand, I myself am and always have been a good looking and charismatic dude, and I can still remember a time when moving from initial interest (which always came easily) to an actual close was something of a crapshoot. Being able to generate that interest right off the bat is definitely a good thing, but it’s not really useful if you don’t know how to capitalize on it.

daddysgotanew · 2022-07-25T19:58:40+00:00

It’s the most important factor by far. Yes it can be overcome with a huge dick, fame, stacks of cash etc. but if you don’t have any of that, yea it’s gonna suck if you don’t have the looks. And by “have the looks” I mean 8+. Below that you are effectively invisible.

GLight3 · 2022-07-25T20:00:15+00:00

Being attractive is attractive.

heartfelt24 · 2022-07-25T20:10:29+00:00

7-10 for guys, 5-10 for girls would get them an easy lay with the people they are attracted to.

But you can develop other techniques.

A lean fit body. Dancing. Suave nature. Sharp dressing. Rare skills. Money. A fun life. An interesting group. Fame. Success...

FranciscotheBull · 2022-07-25T20:13:13+00:00

Well, the most attractive people will get the best pick of the litter regardless of income, personality, and usefulness. Now money does help, personality and character are important, and someone who is useful (job, career, some type of skill) are definitely a key, but people will look and have certain biases.

It depends what you are looking for. Some guys may have a few things going for them, very few have everything put together (perfect looks, great job, makes at least 100,000 or more), but majority are in the middle (meaning average; both men and women).

Put yourself in situations where you can show your strengths as an individual. If you are looking for a one night stand, we all know where to go where you are more likely to get one. If you are looking for something more than that, may have to look elsewhere.

In my humble opinion, if you are looking for a relationship, I would to the old fashion model; community with common interests. Now you can use social media to facilitate that, but the concept is still the same.

Everyone has strengths somewhere. Use it to your advantage and put yourself in the best spot to show it. Why put yourself in the worst spot to find someone (whether one night stand or relationship)?

burakbenxd · 2022-07-25T20:18:36+00:00

A lot of PUA videos, or, YT videos will tell you looks don't matter. Looks do matter, I don't care what anyone has to say. But there are things you can change. Fashion, physique, career, and other attributes. You need to think about the girls that are 10's the amount of effort they put into looking like that. The amount of money they put into their nails, fashion, hair. Why would they settle/sleep with someone who doesn't do that?

Confidence does go a long way though. Unless you're confident, and ballsy, it could work. Those girls do exist, and they're special, but rare. That's why people should be focused on self-improvement rather than spitting game. Game is important, but you need to be able to invest in yourself. The dudes that are probably railing every night are probably taking care of themselves. A lot of it comes to social value too... Social value is indeed important. Before I was on this sub, I thought it was all about personality, and the other little details didn't matter. It does. Say you're in a club/bar with attractive women, it's an attractive trait. Most girls would then be drawn to you because other girls are with you.

I've been told it changes when you're in your 30's. I'm not, but then, if you have a job, most girls would be like that's fine.. But not when you're in your early to mid 20's.

You could be a douchebag, and pretend like you're high value, bang and throw to the side. But then you're only kidding yourself.

My biggest issue wasn't looks. It was merely confidence, and escalation. Imagine going on a date with a girl, and not trying to escalate. She'll think, does this guy have a penis? In the friend-zone you go. I think I mastered that, and I'm doing well. You need to find your weaknesses, and improve on them. If it's not looks, but social situations, go out and improve that. If you think it's fashion, develop a sense of style.

I'm not a 10, but I pull 7-8s.

flexgirl7 · 2022-07-25T20:24:59+00:00

Super hot people actually don’t get approached that often bc other people think that they are already taken or someone else will talk to them/already has and bc of that they don’t have a chance. I forgot what this effect is called but I read a study on it recently. Looks matter but not as much as you may think! I think people who are a 6-8 are approached most often

Oh_Debussy · 2022-07-25T20:45:28+00:00

Just find a style that works for you.. even if you feel you don’t have the confidence to pull it off just try it out and you’ll grow into it

Knights_Ferry · 2022-07-25T21:01:10+00:00

Of course looks matter, but looks alone won't do. I think confidence and energy matter just as much, I would say I'm pretty good looking and the only way I'm ever going to get a date is to actively talk to girls and be very forward, bold, whatever.

ExceedsTheCharacterL · 2022-07-25T21:03:26+00:00

A lot. Women tend to like how a guy looks before letting them stick their penis inside them

rjones416 · 2022-07-25T21:24:57+00:00

There are men out there that can get a woman to sell her body to random guys for money and then give that money back to her man.

Now I'm not saying you should go out there and start pimpin women. But if something like that can happen then it shows women can be manipulated. You have the ability to talk women into sleeping with you. You just haven't mastered your game yet.

jackedsoon · 2022-07-25T21:30:08+00:00

A lot, contrary to what copers on here believe. But shouldnt demotivate you from dating.

Remember some guys have what you gotta work for. Its brutal but harsh truth.

Bonzai_Monkey · 2022-07-25T21:36:12+00:00

Everyone cares about looks, but if you work on improving your appearance (where you can), and being chock-full of confidence, swagger, and charisma, then you improve your chances dramatically. If all you care about is banging chicks willy nilly, though, it will present itself clearly to all those women and they will be turned off by it.

CornHuskular · 2022-07-25T22:01:03+00:00

Good looks help you get in the door. But if you don’t know how to talk to or treat a woman, then she’ll lose interest. Some of my best friends could pull plenty of women, even though physically they weren’t very attractive. As people though, they were much more fun, and easygoing, and less judgmental of others. Working on how you look without working on your character is the equivalent of a company putting the pride flag in their logo for a month. Other people will see right through what you’re trying to do.

caesarfecit · 2022-07-25T22:10:59+00:00

Depends on what you're going for. If you wanna pump and dump the equivalent of Insta thots over Tinder, then yeah if your fashion and fitness game aren't on point, you're in for a rough time.

If you're looking for a potential wife, in person, at church functions in small-town flyover country, then looks aren't gonna make that big a deal. No where near as much as less superficial traits.

My rule of thumb is this: bring what you expect out of the opposite sex.

If you want to date someone who is in shape and looks after their appearance, cultivate the same value in yourself.

And apply that logic to everything else. Then if nothing else, you're the one deciding on what you can compromise on rather than her, and you're not a choosing beggar.

anicknameyo · 2022-07-25T22:13:10+00:00

It's just that it depends on the person if they prioritize looks and to what extent. There are women having mental issues and therefore going for the (good looking) assholes, some just overlook the shitty character for the looks just like some men do too and want to get off, some want looks and character so there is lesser amount of options and some are satisfied with something in between

Rastaman143 · 2022-07-25T22:26:20+00:00

The club is a different ballgame, good looking guys don’t get much attention in day to day life. Maybe some interest signs, when the night falls and women have some alcohol. The good looking guys get crazy attention. Good looking dudes on tinder claiming they get lots of attention are getting them from women that aren’t the cutest. The absolute baddies go for looks,status, money, etc not to mention model good looking not average good looking. they want the whole package. Women in the night life are more direct and aggressive due to being horny and alcohol.

But other than that good looking dudes get the same treatment in the day time. You can spark some interest but you need good game, there’s lots of access to good looking men as a woman. Cultivate that mindset that will make you standout and that same exact mindset is what “ugly” guys have. The ugly dudes you see with baddies have that im the one mindset that even good looking dudes just can’t have because 90% of the young male population is insecure as fuck.

Live-Ad-6309 · 2022-07-25T22:58:30+00:00

Looks are vitally important. And don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

You can get laid without looks, but the further below average you fall, the more exponentially difficult it becomes.

SiteObvious3219 · 2022-07-25T23:53:48+00:00

Looks get you over ‘there’ but personality keeps you ‘there’ if all you have to offer is looks, then it would be easier and cheaper to masturbate to your picture. But clicking with someone and enjoying their company is what builds attraction.

stefan00790 · 2022-07-26T01:37:44+00:00

Height matters even more so for majority of girls so fyi.

Malthael0911 · 2022-07-25T21:39:52+00:00

well in the past year i changed a lot physically and started to get a lot of girls, and i’ve bonded pretty hard with some, but that’s only the ones that actually get to know me, i can totally say that it matters a lot but in the end, a girl worth working for isn’t gonna just care about looks

Title	To what degree do looks actually matter? [recovered]
Author	VeliVoy [recovered]
Upvotes	62
Comments	116
Date	July 25, 2022 4:15 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w7t0jz/to_what_degree_do_looks_actually_matter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/to-what-degree-do-looks-actually-matter.1253606 https://theredarchive.com/post/1253606

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