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[–]1keentolearn12 232 points233 points234 points 4 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link
Stay away from anything that makes you depressed
[–]Time_Lemon_9707 37 points38 points39 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This should be top comment.
[–]VivaIlSesso 19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It is the top comment
[–]Time_Lemon_9707 28 points29 points30 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because I demanded it
[–]rhofire 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Truth, spoken with such eloquence.
[–]DapperDan1929 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
Even if it's the truth?
[–]vardarac 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Truth and perception can be dangerously difficult to distinguish.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Not really, perception as you see it is sometimes just a way of "comforting" ourselves from the sometimes brutal and uncomfortable reality.
Example: Guys don't get many like due to the algorithm.
Even though when requesting data, you can clearly see your profile is in fact being shown but simply are being discarded by women.
[–]vardarac 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Of course. Distortions can work both ways. But there's the rub.
A lot of guys assume their lack of success in dating generally stems from their lack of physical attractiveness. They use Tinder or other dating apps as the yardstick for this idea. Without further deduction, they go on to cut themselves out of the market.
This is logically deficient, as it fails to account for other possible explanations:
Your photos are poor presentations of your appearance, boring, or have some other flaw that either repels or fails to attract women.
Competition is too stiff in your area, or not enough women of your target demographic live in it.
You are not being realistic with your expectations of who would swipe you relative to your own attractiveness.
You perform poorly on paper due to the inherent limitations of flat photographs and short bios; your personality and the depth of your physical features don't translate well to these media, or you just don't know how to react naturally to photos or how to succinctly present your life and appeal.
How do I know that this isn't cope, or an overly positive perception on my part?
I have made enough approaches and progress during my outings to know that my face and body are not barriers to my success in dating. It's my negative game, depression, and bad logistics. I have seen guys with arguably worse looks and certain other issues outperform me.
So if you find yourself with the same lack of performance in OLD, you should not assume this lack of success automatically translates to poor performance if you approach IRL.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
A lot of guys assume their lack of success in dating generally stems from their lack of physical attractiveness
And there's a high probability that their assumption is correct.
they go on to cut themselves out of the market.
How do they cut themselves out of the market?
Wrong, even if a guy that is below average got quality pics taken it wouldn't make a difference. He'd still be left swiped. What matters is the content of the picture, not the quality.
Competition is always "stiff", especially when (young) women have near unlimited options now.
You are not being realistic with your expectations of who would swipe you relative to your own attractiveness
So if a short fit guy isn't being swiped on, he should settle for some land whale instead because the guys looksmatches aren't desiring him? Lol wtf kind of logic is that?
Again, you could have all of this down yet still be seen as unattractive. Your face is the first thing women react to, not your bio. They'll only read your bio once you've passed the looks test.
I have seen guys with arguably worse looks and certain other issues outperform me.
These are simple outliers, and not the norm from the bigger picture.
[–]vardarac 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Time and again I will see incels and the like on seddit trying to discourage guys from real world approach because they believe it is just as looks-based and stacked against men as OLD.
This simply isn't the case. Good-looking guys routinely dismiss themselves with bad game IRL, while I've seen fat/busted dudes talking to chicks no problem.
If I were more cynical, I wouldn't even point this out as a problem and think "more for me." Alas, dating grievances are likely to be a big part of the current mental illness epidemic and these men are doing themselves a great disservice.
What matters is the content of the picture, not the quality.
The quality is part of the content. If your picture is blurry as fuck, if you're looking straight up your nostrils, if you're wearing crappy clothing, if you're in a run down part of town or against a white wall in your apartment, these things all get noticed.
If it's an otherwise great photo of a guy with missing teeth and a huge nose, like, yes, it could be his problem, but my point is to look at everything else first. You should exhaust all options and get direct feedback before simply throwing in the towel.
Compare neighborhoods in a city like DC. You have your tens-of-millions trust fund 6 foot 20 Georgetown socialites, and then there's everyone else. You move out of the radius of rich neighborhoods and suddenly you're competing only with suburbanites etc. That isn't to say constantly moving to try and find new prospects is a viable thing for everyone, but if you're a little fish in a pond full of big fish, it might be time to change ponds.
That is not what I said. I said, he cannot reasonably expect success beyond a certain level in OLD by the nature of how it works. If you want better, you need to go out into the real world and approach.
They'll only read your bio once you've passed the looks test.
Do you present anything other than your face in your photos? If so, what? Could I see them?
I'm trying to help you here.
Wouldn't you rather have an insane adventurous life trying to learn from these guys and potentially having the night of your life instead of saying this is an almighty, insurmountable struggle and just giving up and resolving that you'll throw yourself off a bridge when you get too old for anyone to look your way?
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The quality is part of the content. If your picture is blurry as fuck, if you're looking straight up your nostrils, if you're wearing crappy clothing, if you're in a run down part of town or against a white wall in your apartment, these things all get noticed. If it's an otherwise great photo of a guy with missing teeth and a huge nose, like, yes, it could be his problem, but my point is to look at everything else first. You should exhaust all options and get direct feedback before simply throwing in the towel.
Then explain why I still get zero matches despite having gotten pics by a photographer? I want to hear this lol
Perhaps you're simply not willing to accept looks of the guy matter exponentially more than a picture quality
Even if you went to a metropolitan city, competition is still hell since women would hold the same looks standards.
If you want better, you need to go out into the real world and approach.
You mean get an escort? Because going to bars or cold approaching is very close to having tinder
I do, but they don't care though since I wouldn't pass the looks test. The looks is like a resume, if the resume is garbage then a company won't care if you're an actually good employee. You must first have your resume be seen as good enough to proceed to the interviews (the dates)
How? Lol by giving out false hope?
I'll still try but I have zero expectations nor hope at this point. If I do approach it'd just be for shits and giggles/trolling but I wouldn't actually have any hope left
It is an insurmountable struggle, why the hell do you think so many young guys are single, virgins or sexless today but yet they issue isn't there with women?
I know I'll have nobody to look my way, lol tinder has solidified that for me already. But I wouldn't do a bridge, I'd probably do something more spectacular like a skyscraper. Go out in a bigger more spectacular manner.
[–]vardarac 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
DM me your pics (maybe some you'd consider using based on my link below first) if you want. If you're truly a busted ass guy who has no hope, you at least have my sympathies.
What I'm getting at is whether your pictures convey anything about you other than how you look. Does a girl get a sense of your identity or how you spend your time from them? Would she find any of your activities fun to do with you, or to accompany you on?
I never disagreed with that, but I am saying that just like good looking guys like me get in our own way there is plenty a guy can do in photos to trip himself up or fail to convey anything beyond the value of his face.
It's not nearly the same. Once you start going out close to every night or day and making several approaches at those times for years on end without success, then you can complain (or better yet, record your shit and get opinions on what goes wrong).
With a good approach, women will begin to hook or to disengage based on your social proof and skills, your wit, your knowledge of fun things, your charisma, your common interests and if you have it, your physicality - they might not bang you, but they will notice your forward strengths if they are not dwarfed by flaws regardless of your face. And obviously, women are not monoliths - different ages, demographics, etc will react differently to you.
I'm 5 foot something and in my 30's. I know a guy shorter and older than me who's not especially good looking who had a smoking hot middle eastern woman's attention - if he hadn't already chosen a serious relationship over her I could have seen him taking her home. Guy never even picked up OLD because he doesn't own a smartphone.
I am pointing out that you are making foregone conclusions as a result of depression. You believe things beyond what the evidence you are offering rigorously entails. Granted, everyone does that, but in this case you are potentially robbing yourself of a better future by assuming your action is futile. The psychologists call this "learned helplessness." Correct me if I'm wrong, but your evidence thus far has been a consistent zero matches on OLD, yes?
I know what this shit feels like. I never got matches on OLD owing mostly to dogshit photos, so I gave up and have been grinding night approach week after week. I still haven't gotten laid; I get in my own way a lot and have more dead numbers than a cemetary, but I've made measurable progress toward getting an active dating life.
As a result of how slow things have moved and my failures in the past, I felt a lot like you early last night, and guess what, just putting myself out there and flexing a bit and doing what I do best to make people feel included and show them a good time changed the entire vibe.
It is an insurmountable struggle, why the hell do you think so many young guys are single, virgins or sexless today
My honest opinion is that the internet has provided too ready a refuge from socialization and too ready an access to dangerous, depressive, incendiary echo chambers. Men are writing themselves off before they've even truly begun -- and they sometimes write all women off as well.
There are hopeless cases in every sphere of society. Such is the nature of random mutation. But assuming you are one of them before you have tried everything ultimately boils down to choosing failure over what could for you just be a long and difficult path to potential success, a path that carries its own rewards should you choose to pursue it. I can't guarantee you pussy, but I can guarantee you a life that is better than moping on Reddit.
That is the help I want to offer you.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Would she find any of your activities fun to do with you, or to accompany you on?
Not with me in particular, I'm sure she'd find them fun with a better looking guy
but your evidence thus far has been a consistent zero matches on OLD, yes?
Correct
DM me your pics
Sure
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Being on Tinder is "the truth"?
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Yep
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Being on Tinder isn't the truth if you're not on Tinder.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
That's just you trying to hide from the truth
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
The truth being what exactly?
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
That the majority of guys are seen as undesirable, it proves the blck pll to be correct
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Why are you in this sub if you believe that? The basic axiom of this sub is that that isn't true.
In any case, please finish the sentence so it's actually accurate: the majority of guys are seen as undesirable on swiping apps.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
the majority of guys are seen as undesirable on swiping apps.
True, am I wrong?
Why are you in this sub if you believe that
To offer a different perspective, it's not always best to be in an echo chamber.
The basic axiom of this sub is that that isn't true.
And do you believe that?
[–]NastyMonkeyKing 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Honestly
Grow some balls. Whatever you don't like leave it behind. Stop doing it. Doing anything because you think you have to is dumb as hell
[–]1keentolearn12 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You really don’t understand depression and mental health. Please stop giving bad advice
[–]NastyMonkeyKing 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's how I got out of depression. When I'm pushed against a rock I push back. And I forced myself to do the things that would make me a man I can be proud of. By putting myself out there completely.
So. No just because it didn't work for you. Or it might not work for him. Doesn't mean I don't understand it. And it doesnt mean it doesn't work for everyone. Sometimes some people just need the blunt answer.
Maybe he n3eds what you have to say. Maybe he needs what I have to say. You don't know him any better than I do. So I'll say what I have to say.
[–]sexsex69420irl 143 points144 points145 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Tinder's business model is to make men depressed and lonely that they pay to cut the queue.Fuck tinder bud.
[–]VivaIlSesso 38 points39 points40 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I remember when I first downloaded Tinder back in 2014, I got like 30 matches in 24 hours. Now it’d probably take me a good decade to get that many matches. That app has become trash.
[–]nordik1 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I got 99+ in a couple of hours this past weekk, but never actually match with anyone when swiping the stack. They clearly fuck with the sorting to make you pay to see who liked you. The app is soooo bad now. Complete trash
[–]OSRS_Satriani 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yep, it used to be very easy for me to get matches and go out on dates with attractive women. I haven't gotten a single match in the two months I've been on it now, I don't know what went wrong. I've decided to ditch the app and approach women in person.
[–]nordik1 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hearing this same thing over and over from guys on here and guys I know personally. Online dating seems dead IMO
[–]jjboy91 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Bro apparently even if you pay, they still treat you like garbage
[–]sexsex69420irl 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know brother,i know
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Dafiro93 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Might as well switch to texting sexbots lol. I don't see the point of switching to a south-asia city if you don't intend to visit.
[–]peduxe 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Switch your location to a South-Asia city, and you realize that Tinder is not all that bad...
so you mean pay Tinder in order to do that?
Exactly avg man gets bad results.
Good looking men get their pick
[–]Zenis 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So on the one hand, yeah, it’s pay to win.
But on the other, why shouldn’t it be? Is Tinder a public utility that we’re entitled to? When I was on tinder, I paid for it, and I absolutely got value for my money. Waaaay cheaper than going out drinking and hoping to meet a match IRL
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It's not about whether it's a public utility, but whether it's a useful tool for our goals.
For people who feel like it's negatively impacting their mental health, it's not. The fact that you had some success on it is irrelevant.
Waaaay cheaper than going out drinking and hoping to meet a match IRL
You don't need to pay a cent on drinks to go outside and meet women. That's not even the case in bars, let alone everywhere else.
[–]epimpstyle 74 points75 points76 points 4 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
If you are using tinder you compete with thousands of better-looking guys than you.
If you are doing a day game, you compete with only 1 or 2 other guys from hundreds who have the balls to approach a girl on the street.
[–]alikebabay 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Aaand with thousand attractive guys from tinder as well. They use tinder on the streets too, you know.
[–]potatoeswithfries 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, but also there's approximately three times more men than women on Tinder.
A lot of women simply don't use Tinder - but they still go grocery shopping or to the mall sometimes, and this is why what he said holds up.
[–]distawest 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Worse than that, in Italy it seems to be 1 woman to 10 men
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I wonder what those stats are now.
I think more women are def gotten in tinder
Nope. The ratio has got worse over time.
[–]Sensitive_Yam_6661 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You're high if you think someone from tinder even remotely compares to a guy with the balls to do a confident cold approach.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
? I mean if a guy who is clearly better looking and richer is on tinder.
That guy will get picked over the avg looking cold approach guy.
[–]Sensitive_Yam_6661 -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah by shitty, shallow, golddigging women who you wouldnt want to be in a relationship anyways.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Everyone is shallow
[–]vardarac -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Touch some grass, my guy. Shallow is a scale, not a binary choice.
[–]Sensitive_Yam_6661 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Must be sad to have such a mindset.
[–]Total_Obligation_371 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's clear you've done zero or very little Daygame. Every single guy I've ever known who does online AND Daygame has said that they get hotter girls from Daygame. Not just because hotter girls tend to not have to use online, but also because you don't have to rely on an algorithm to be shown to a hot girl. You can just walk right up to her. And you can use things other than looks. And since the girl actually saw you in person, she actually puts you AHEAD of any guys she sees online. NOTHING beats the impression you make on someone in person.
It's not comparable to advertising because of the human connection component. It is VERY easy to get bored and fall flat on talking to someone / move on to the next on a dating app because of the screen disconnect. So what you gain in targeted audience, you lose 2x+ as much to paradox of choice and lack of investment or incentive to invest
[–]vardarac 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The thing is that Tinder and other dating apps are not optimized for overall best success.
They are optimized for making money from their users and are therefore deliberately inefficient.
It's the difference between a mass manufactured snack food and a home cooked meal. The one can be a fun experience once in a while but it is designed in largest part to hook consumers.
The promise of a bespoke experience that takes into your needs and wants in exchange for a certain level of effort is worlds better overall provided it is an effort you have the time and capability to execute properly.
[–]SocialReject101 53 points54 points55 points 4 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
I am average looking and live in Eastern Europe and swipe right around 30% of profiles. 6 years ago I got many matches and multiple dates. Recently I got some proffesional photos and decided to try Tinder once more. In 2 weeks I got 6 likes. Only thing that changed is that I am 33 years old now. The app is absolute trash.
[–]Hjalmbere 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Pretty much sums it up for me as well. Doesn’t work anymore. Stopped using it last year. As an experiment I recently set up a new account after deleting my account eight months ago. Same thing. Deleted my account.
[–]OSRS_Satriani 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel so much better reading this, I've been getting no matches for months on the app which led me to think that I wasn't good looking even though I do well in real life. Glad I deleted that app.
[–]Legal_Development 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Deleted that shit stain app awhile ago. I prefer real life
[–]Puzzleheaded_Fox819 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Eastern Europe is different. I never get matches in the US, if I do they never reply. Went to Europe and had more matches in 6 days than in 2 years in America. And they replied.
[–]SocialReject101 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
You are having a foreigner bias. Eastern Europeans dream of running away with a foreigner. They are extremely picky and bitchy towards their own.
[–]Aezzil 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think thats most countries tbh.
[–]Puzzleheaded_Fox819 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
They don’t know I’m American until after they’ve matched and conversed with me. My point stands.
[–]SocialReject101 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I wouldn't be so sure. Foreigners give off their own vibes. Your name might give you away, your bio or even quality of pictures and setting. I can tell most foreigner girls from Tinder. Maybe USA is indeed a shithole for OLD but this place is not that much better.
[–]Puzzleheaded_Fox819 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Why do you say that? I find American women hopeless personally, not to be grim
[–]SocialReject101 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I am saying they are hopeless here as well for us locals. You are an outlier in these lands
[–]Puzzleheaded_Fox819 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Which country are you in?
[–]SocialReject101 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lets say I am from Baltics.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Rising standards. More options for women.
[–]Mindrust 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same here but I'm in NYC. Pre-pandemic, around 2018-2019 I didn't have much trouble getting matches and dates. I used Hinge, Bumble and Tinder. I had at least 1 date every week with a decently attractive women. I should mention that I'm a very average looking dude too, the only thing that might be slightly above average is my height (I'm 5'11).
I downloaded these apps 3 days ago and Hinge is by FAR the worst of them now...I don't mean to sound harsh but 95% of the women on it are just straight up unattractive or obese. It wasn't like that years ago. Of the two matches I did get, one of them turned out to be a catfish. Deleted the app right after I figured it out (the pics being used were of a Mexican instagram model).
With Tinder, I've gotten about 30 likes...and of those 30, maybe 5 are attractive. Only 2 responded to my opener and they're both ghosting me now. I'm not sure what's happened but online dating is just trash now.
[–]MasterTeacher123 29 points30 points31 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The golden age for tinder for me was 2012-2016. I ate real well on there that time
[–]lefthandedaf 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro 2019 was awesome compared to now. I miss those days.
[–]nordik1 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
2013-ish was insane. Had just been expanded to Android and premium wasn’t even a thought yet. A lot of girls hadn’t tried online dating yet so they weren’t bitter toward it…could find A LOT of hot girls on there and get dates fast
[–]HatchetXL 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You are definitely not alone! Do NOT let that cyber bullshit drag you down. I have had tinder on and off for 3 years. I have had conversations with two women that were like... real people. Never met them in person. I have had conversations with 4 women who wanted my credit card information for 'their safety' and one who wanted to meet me at a hotel for the low LOW PRICE OF 500 dollars an hour. It fucked me up in the head for a while. And then I came to a point where I swiped right on EVERYONE and havent had a match in over a year. Yet I am currently sitting smoking a cigarette on the porch of a lovely lady I met at work.
Real life is where true connections are made bud. Fuck how that other shit makes you feel. Less than worthy. Less than perfect.
YOU ARE PERFECT. You need to meet people face to face. Talk to people, with no destination in mind. Suddenly you will find yourself sleeping on the couch of a lady you previously thought was way out of your league. Why? Because SHE sees something in tou that YOU no longer see because of the damage that tinder and shit has done to you.
Delete it. Go frisbee golfing. Go to the beach. Just say hi to random people. Offer free hugs or fetch a kids toy out the water that a mean older sister threw in too deep dont be weird dont be out for pussy. Just, be you. There is value in YOU.
[–]Separate_Taste3428 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well said
[–]Floloppi 52 points53 points54 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Fuck tinder bro, all the hoes on tinder live in their abundance bubble feeling like angels because every dude there treats them like they are… focus on daygame and get better, and do it the old fashioned way, keep it up!
[–]Velociraptor2018 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lots of chicks have tinder just for the ego boost they get
[–]Floloppi 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep ans even more to get instagram follower, toxic bitches
[–]feriz_xyz 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen. Preach!
[–]SGrosch13 points 4 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Most guys profiles are horrible, you got to realize it’s basically an advertisement trying to sell you. What story does each pic convey? How does each pic make you look awesome? If you don’t have all that stuff dialed in thenyour profiles gonna suck.
[–]nordik1 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m typically a big believer in profile design and carefully crafting the perfect photos with a blend of different vibes / cool shit conveying an interesting & fun life, but between the algorithm, dating app stigma, and the general state of online dating as a whole right now, there’s only so much you can do
Austin Dunham interviewed a Chad dude (6ft+, accent, muscular, model face) recently over on his channel and they went over his dating profile. However he said he still prefers to go to bars for much better results on average. He felt in person was easier and better quality.
I think guys across various backgrounds and levels are all experiencing the same negative outcomes over time with OLD right now
This.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Had the same experience with Tinder in 2017. Only three or four matches a week that never turned into anything. After a couple of months, I became depressed and started to really doubt myself. One night I was feeling really down so I went out to a bar to see some live music. There were two women there out for a night of dancing and I started dancing near them. Long story short, within 45 minutes of arriving at the bar I was in the back seat of my car with one of those women who was then completely topless. She came over to my place a couple of times to hook up after that. So don’t let Tinder play with your mind! It gives you a completely false impression about yourself. Tinder is for guys with model looks and nobody else.
[–]thedreamkillers 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
women hold the keys on dating apps, i hooked up with some landwhale once and asked her to show her tinder. she had just 8 matches and the usual +99 likes. the right to left swipe ratio is just insane (women seem to swipe only ~5% of the profiles right) and even unattractive women seem to be heavily contested.
that being said, you can still get results on tinder if you're willing to experiment a shit ton until you manage to put together a profile that works.
[–]DapperDan1929 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol landwhale
[–]Puzzleheaded_Fox819 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
American problems
[–]thedreamkillers 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
it's the same in all developed countries, i'm from northern europe
[–]Puzzleheaded_Fox819 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
European women are generally more loyal and feminine, American women are divorce machines
[–]adityasood99 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Here is my two cents:
If you have a free account, tinder gives your profile a boost for only a limited time and you get matches for that boost period only. This is done to give you a taste of how exiciting these dating apps can be. After that if you dont purchase tinder gold or whatever they call it, your profile is placed at the very bottom. So, your profile doesnt even appear before most women. Meaning zero matches.
All these dating profiles are favourable towards women. Imagine this, if you were getting 100s of matches everyday, would you rather spend most of your time texting with one match? You would enjoy the attention from all the matches. You would ghost up on a match as soon as you come accross a better looking and more interesting match. This is the case with women. They get tones of matches everyday. I have personally witnessed it through my female friend's account.
Donot and i repeat donot let these dating apps define you. I completely understand what you are saying. I have been through the exact same issues. I downloaded these apps as well during covid and didnt get a single match or would get matched with a bot. I know it sucks but thats dating apps for you. Dont let them define you. They are not a reflection of who you are.
I would recommend talking to women in person. There are women who still prefer men approach them in person. As for your fear of rejection and possible repercussions like suspension and getting reported, i would say simply talk to women without any active thought of getting laid. What i mean is that talk to them about stuff you like and ask questions about their interests. If you find them interesting, offer to take them for drinks. Tell them that you are going to this 'xyz' bar or pub or whatever and she is welcome to join if she wants. This would give an idea that you are going to this bar irrespective of whether she wants to join or not. For starters it doesnt appear as a desperate attempt to get a girl, and secondly it minimises the awkwardness if the women declines.
Let me know what you folks think of dating apps. Cheers!!
[–]TimiNateBini 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Delete the app man. Even if you're not ready to start cold approaches if it makes you depressed or question your self worth remove it. I had to get rid of mine recently
[–]youcheekydelinquent 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
Delete the app and instead study, exercise, learn how to meditate or create wealth. Literally do anything else. OLD is a complete waste of time. You want to be learning and making experiences.
[–]Ikem32 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
👆🏻This. Invest the time in your skills. Show up on places where you can show the skills, and where females are around.
[–]youcheekydelinquent 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Won't even matter if females are around, if you're successful, people find you.
[–]Ikem32 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not when you‘re sitting at home.
[–]youcheekydelinquent 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Would you feel like a success if you lived that way? Seduction is a way of life. There are guys who can seduce someone just by connecting. I don't think that's easy on OLD if you are just average looking. But in person you can learn a lot more.
Being socially successful means actually interacting with people.
[–]Magrudagrind 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Dating apps should always be supplemental and never a direct source for meeting dates.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Can't be "supplemental" if they're making you depressed and insecure. Delete delete delete.
Yeah having them as a "supplemental" to real life was detrimental to my mental health which led to poor confidence. They definitely do more harm than good.
Good on you for recognising that! I had the same problem, swiping apps set me back years.
edit: thought you were op for some reason lol
[–]Puzzleheaded_Fox819 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Drive uber and you’ll meet a lot of hot women, and you’ll actually get to know each other. This job cured my depression. It’s not perfect, and you’ll meet some weirdos, but you can meet hotties very often. I recently was banging a pharmacist I picked up one night driving Uber. She wasn’t a great person, but it was fun while it lasted. I consider myself handsome and women on tinder NEVER reply to me. Like, ever lol. In person it’s way way different. Driving Uber they come to you.
[–]mindofsound -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Shit, why didn't I hear about this sooner? Is it generally true you can meet and fuck hot women driving Uber? Or do you have to drive in the bar scene and get party girls? Do you have to operate any sort of game or intentions toward them, or do they solicit you? Do you drive them home and they invite you in? Or do you pull over in an abandoned parking lot? Tell me all I need to get started. Assume I'm moderately attractive. I actually do well on Tinder, but my dick has been locked up in marriage for 13 years, so I'm making up for lost time now.
Nothing is easy really. The ones that have hit on me are usually blasted drunk and trashy, or 3s and below. I’m picky and have turned down more advances than I’ve pursued. If my confidence is strong, I ask quite a few for their numbers on a Saturday and maybe have a 33% success rate in just getting a number. I’m only asking 6s and above THAT I ACTUALLY VIBE WITH. If they aren’t reciprocating I let it be. But I drive downtown for like 10 hours on weekends. Saturday is usually the best. Truthfully in 10 months of driving I’ve gotten maybe two dozen phone numbers and only banged one girl. But it lasted for 3 months of banging. If only 1 to 3% of the women you actually ask for a number wind up banging you then in my book that’s a win. Better than the 0 you were gona get.
[–]LuckyNumber-Bot 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]nice___bot 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice!
[–]ozzzy83 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Men, what I see on Tinder is more and more hot girls using it to promote their IG, so they can advertise their OF account there. They are using men who are thinking with a lower head.
[–]SuaveFuck 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
let me tell you something, sunshine.
im a 37 year old guy, below zeitgeist expectations looking. 2 days ago, for shits and giggles i decided to install the old tinder again. made an intentionally horrendous profile in which i admit to seeking only sex, that im sexist, homophobic, in short, EVERYTHING the zeitgeist media-controlled 25 year old woman would immediately hate. you see what im doing there. i dont even care to begin with.
by now tinder shows me, i got 3 likes! and guess what. those, i know, are just provided by tinder to make me buy premium or gold or whatever their nonsense is called. buy into it, those likes will suddenly disappear, im sure.
DO NOT, AGAIN, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES base your selfesteem on this app. never base your value on external sources anyhow, but ESPECIALLY not on how you are being rated or noticed on tinder. tinder isnt for meaningful social interaction. no thing in which you can "delete" people by swiping them away, can ever be healthy or meaningful. delete the app. go out, talk to women.
MUCH better.
[–]Sumieru 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love this guy
[–]mindofsound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The problem with your story is that (1) you assumed these matches were bullshit rather than investigating them directly, and (2) Tinder allows you to match, chat, and fuck free of charge. Paying for premium allows you to spike your game a bit, but it's not necessary.
My female best friend was on OKCupid yesterday and swiped right on a dude who said (among numerous other audacious things), "I only date cumsluts." Ironically, my friend, rather than scoffing and swiping left, laughed and said this guy seems like a hoot, and began talking to him. If he played his cards right, she would have gone and been his cumslut just for making her laugh.
It's ironic that your experiment suggested the opposite of your conclusion, but you were so pre-convinced of your conclusion that you brushed off the evidence. My conclusion: profiles that stand out, get action.
[–]SuaveFuck 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
yeah, mr. my wife left me and now im talking down to other dudes on the net, had you had the brain cells, you'd have realized to "investigate those likes" (they werent even matches. READ what is being WRITTEN.) i'd have to buy premium. because those were promo likes, fake, by tinder.
and i can get back on twitter any second with the same "standout profile". it just aint what i care for, i dont care for the scene that tinder is. not everyone can be the grandiose womenslayer you are, lmao.
[–]mindofsound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow, u got that incel bitterness too.. I didn't talk down to anyone, I identified what I saw as a self-defeating attitude and shared some constructive experiential insight. You, however, rather than absorb its teachings, saw fit to dig into my commenting history and look for something to hurl at me. This is why you will fail.
LOL OK so you got "likes" not "matches" because you refused to match them because they looked too good and you convinced yourself they were inauthentic? Granted, there are plenty of sex workers on Tinder who are just soliciting for customers. But I have 3 active Tinder "girlfriends," 6s and above, who are bisexual and polyamorous and don't charge a cent for their company. In online dating you get back what you put in. Imagine if you actually wrote a high-quality profile instead of experimental trolling. The refusal to try is the sure path to celibacy.
Also, if you can say that paying for Premium is key to Tinder working for you, then THERE'S A SOLUTION STARING YOU IN THE FACE AND IT'S ONLY YOUR OWN RESISTANCE PREVENTING YOU FROM TAKING IT. It's what, little over $100 for 6 months? A dinner and movie date could cost that much. I do pay for Premium and I've fucked 6 new women since October. It's up to you, bro. Good stuff isn't going to fall into your lap. Don't believe the pornos. You have to try. You shouldn't have to pay for women, but you do have to pay to take care of yourself, otherwise no one will find you appealing.
[–]bahadurJoe 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Get hotter. Do everything in your power to be more hotter than you are.
Tinder is a fairground for females to engorge themselves in free validation, and for the top men to take their pickings.
Don’t use it until you feel you’re hot enough to game the system. Jumping the gun will only end in disappointment.
[–]mindofsound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's true that there is A LOT that any man or woman can do to improve their appearance, and their overall optics. And if you don't do those things, attractive women won't be into you because compared to them you will look like a slob with no self-esteem. Haircut, beard styling, manscaping, clothing style, hygiene, skin care, exercise and healthy diet, plus, just taking well planned photos like a model and photographer would. I can't stand when I report my success at online dating, and guys say, "You must be better than average looking." Only if I attend to my looks! It's really about looking put together rather than neglected and slobby. Even guys with average looks can look like a GQ model if they put themselves together well. You can see this on the Hollywood Red Carpets where even "average" guys like Jonah Hill, Jack Black, and Zach Galifianakis can be seen looking very swag and handsome.
[–]Woujo 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go meet people in person then
[–]DMaN4245 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Get off Tinder Start approaching women in person! College is an excellent place to practice!
[–]stanthemilkman88 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Your picture need to be spectacular to be above the rest. It a 10 to 1 male female ratio on tinder.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]stanthemilkman88 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Unless you can put yourself in the top. Yeah. It is the nature of the market place. guys have far more demand for young women than visa versa. Because of our x8-12 testosterone levels. Make us wanna fuck alot.
Plus skewing relative value of men and women. An average 5 guy is perceived as a 3 an average 5 girl is perceived as an 7. Due to the amount of male attention they can get online.
But it can be gamed. I'm having fun.
[–]redditor4206903 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dont use it than...
[–]JohntheAnabaptist 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The real problem is being a teenager
[–]thatnewaccnt 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Pretty much. It’s a ploy to steal your money
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]PoinFLEXter 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I swipe on tinder for fun, but rarely meet any women from there. Bumble, hinge, and coffee meets bagel are all way more effective for me. Also, I’m in my lower 30s and usually looking for women who are at least in their upper 20s.
It will have to do with what your first message is, and whether it captures her attention among all the other men also hitting her up. Good to study her profile first, and say something that will speak to her particular personality or interests. Asking a question that touches on her interests is harder for her to ignore than anything ending in a period.
[–]Fapandwarmshowers -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If you train hard with weights and have a good natural physique,if your grooming is onpoint, if your hygiene is perfect, if you are very socialable,very charming and have great photos take by a good professional photographer then you will be good on tinder.
[–]3HeadedZebra 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Bro I can tell you from experience this still don't work
[–]Play-Mation 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He said sociable and charming
Yeah this won’t matter against the algorithm. You’ll need to apply this advice in addition to Tinder gold to overcome that part alone (you are placed at the bottom of the stack a day or two after joining and using the free version)
[–]turtle_fanatic 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Try using hinge. I wasn’t having any luck on tinder but started getting a lot more matches on hinge. The quality of the girls is a lot different. A lot of tinder accounts are just thirst traps with socials linked. Girls on hinge have a lot more substance in my experience
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
That’s the disadvantage of far more men wanting casual sex than women - casual sex benefits men far more so the dating apps are all very heavily over-saturated with men and very few women in comparison. So men end up with a huge amount of competition.
[–]mindofsound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I will tell you the women want the casual sex too. They just have higher standards than the men. If you are below a certain desirability level you will be left out. Key is to work on yourself and to put effort into making you profile look exceptionally appealing.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I’m well aware of this. But there are far less women who want casual sex than men - look at any dating app and the % of men to women and the fact they charge men but don’t charge women for the exact same features.
That’s because they need more women on them to keep them alive because there are already a disproportionate number of men to women on there and they don’t want to add another deterrent to women using their app.
I’m aware women have higher standards than men for who we have sex with because I know firsthand why we have to have higher standards for men.
[–]mindofsound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
If you put up some solid pics, and make it clear in your profile that you are only looking for something casual, then every woman who engages you in chat will be open to that outcome upfront. They just need a short conversation to make sure you're not crazy or lame. I keep light sexual innuendo and flirtations flowing from the beginning, and by the end of the first solid conversation, the sexual intention is established, and I can invite her over.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
I am a woman and I agree with that. That saves everyone’s time because that’s one less man making women jaded towards men by another man not being honest to them about what he’s looking for and all the women and that man don’t have to weed through as many people to find someone who wants what they want.
You also need to meet them in person first though - there is a lot you can’t always tell just over text and there are so many crazies on dating apps that they’re very rarely worth using.
You get a much better vibe over having a coffee and a chat in person and you can’t gauge whether you’ll feel the same physical chemistry chatting to them online as in person because you make up an idea of what they are like in your head and then you meet them and sometimes find they are nothing like how you pictured them (and I’m not talking about them not looking like their pics, I’m talking they just don’t have that same vibe - like they way they talk to you or just the gut feeling around them that you only get when you meet them in person).
The problem is though that men don’t understand/aren’t usually accepting of women’s experiences of the fact that women have to chat to men for a bit longer than men are willing to be patient for and meet them in public at least once or twice before deciding that they might not be a danger to them and want to go ahead and have sex with them.
Because women need to make sure they feel a spark with a man which they will only know if they meet them in person and chat a bit first AND need to feel safe and relaxed around a man to be able to want to have sex with them, which, sadly, I see a lot of men unable to understand or find offensive and take it very personally when it’s really just common sense.
I feel very positively about the men who want casual sex AND have no issues with this though. I wish it weren’t so rare though - it really kills our sex drive and turns us off of casual sex with men because it’s so hard to find ones that don’t take offence to it and not get in their feelings over it.
Sorry for the novel - way longer than intended!
[–]mindofsound 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Your addendum makes perfect sense from the woman's perspective of a safety and reality check. Guys are just trying to get to the finish line without triggering any red flags, so if they can get a woman to come straight over, great. Otherwise, yes, she will need to do an irl vibe check. Though I have been able to bypass that by having a single phone call or video chat with her. Really, both parties should pass some sort of a catfish test early in the conversation. I usually send a body pic of myself so there are no surprises. Fresh out of the shower, with towel covering the naughty bits of course. That way there will be no illusions about what kind of body I'm working with. (Mild dad bod.)
You’re one of the only men I’ve ever heard not get offended and defensive over that and who actually understands the safety thing. Thanks for being refreshing!
[–]mindofsound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I'm refreshing personified! For details, privately message me your selfie, or a link to your Tinder profile.😜
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
?
!
[–]Only_Potential -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Put yourself in a female's shoes. If you were even slightly attractive as a woman, you are getting a lot of likes and matches on Tinder. Obviously, you're not gonna swipe right on every single dude you see. Unless you are an absolute Chad or have pictures showing you are living in pretty much a dream world, you will probably be like the other 90% of guys on Tinder.
[–]feriz_xyz -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah bro, I feel you. I'd say, if you're gonna have and kind of reasonable standards for women and NOT be in the top 20% of male profiles, just get off Tinder and focus on other ways of sourcing (meeting) girls.
[–]kathruins -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yes its like that for all guys. you get 3 matches a month and women get 3 matches a day, or hour if they're really trying. a typical bi woman's inbox is flooded with "hey" or "what's up?" from 50 dudes and "i like your aesthetic" from 10 women. you're going to have to stand out and make minimal mistakes. that's just the way it is. that's why i like to establish a couple common interests then set a date right away--less time for ghosting or for someone else to swoop in.
[–]Jtenka -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The tinder algorithm is absolutely shit. When I recently installed it I had about 16 matches in a few days. I couldn't see who they were. I was offered a promo code to "see matches and be more visible". I'm going to Zante in a few days so thought why not, there's gotta be loads of girls there.
Once I cleared out the matches it's been dry as fuck. I used a boost at peak time and not even one like. It's so obvious that tinder limits your profile. Now realising there's a premium plus category to further increase your visibility. Surprise surprise.
Honestly fuck tinder. What was once the premium dating app 6 or so years ago is now an add riddled cess pit with a bad algorithm. designed only to suck money out of people. Stick with bumble or some other sites.
[–]brianjersy -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
sad to say but... try premium.
[–]Lighthero34 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Only 1% of girls off tinder will actually meet you. This is true even for above average or top tier men.
The difference is the amount of likes you get.
Mathematically you need to get at least 100 matches to get a chance of meeting one. This is obviously exaggeration and those numbers aren't based on anything. Tinder is for people with high sex appeal. Women in general have high sex appeal naturally, but if you don't have an aesthetic body yet you won't get matches.
The solution is to get ripped post photos that show that you fuck. Then you'll get your 1%-ers a lot easier.
[–]mindofsound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I find your numbers to be arbitrary and exaggerated. After I eliminate all the matches that are obvious sex workers, probably half of my other matches end up coming over to fuck.
[–]Lighthero34 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
That's awesome. It doesn't make you the norm by any means.
Also, what do you do in order to get these type of results.
[–]mindofsound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
First of all, my looks are average, but I make sure that the pics I put up are all attractive and elicit a sexual response. A serious face says sex more than a smile or something goofy. I have passionate eyes, so I play them up in my photos, look at the camera as though to say I'm going to fuck you. But natural, not forced. The way you would look at a woman right before you lean in to kiss her. Or the way you would look at her during sex. Make sure the sexual fire is in your eyes, but it can't be too blatant. It has to be natural. I "smize" like a model. We guys don't usually think about these things, but if you do, it pays off. Look up some tips for male models, or look at pictures of super sexy guys, and figure out what they are doing. Not just what they were born with. How they use it in photos. It doesn't hurt to include photos that show your arms, chest, or where are you engaged in some sort of action or motion, or have sweaty glistening on your brow like someone who is engaged in sex. Any way you can use your photos to make them think of sex is a win. For example, a photo of you reaching for a straw with your tongue, with your eyes locked in a sexy glance at the camera, can make them think about you eating pussy. These little unconscious suggestions really help.
As for the write-up, don't say a ton about yourself. Everything you say is a potential red flag to somebody. Just be clear on your intentions. That doesn't mean that you should say I'm down to fuck, but it should be implied. I will say something like, "I'm mid-divorce and not looking for anything serious, just something fun and casual." You won't believe how many women feel the exact same way but don't want to advertise hookups on their bio because they will sound like prostitutes. Declaring yourself available for casual fun puts them at ease, so when they come to you, you can already assume that casual sex is on the menu.
From there, you don't have to act like a gentleman who is going to woo a lady into maybe giving you a date if you buy flowers and pay for her steak. Just have a nice text conversation where you come off as smooth and competent, and sexually experienced, then see if she wants to come have drinks or smoke at your place. It works for me over and over. They say yes.
I've got a girl who's told me she's down to fuck even though we haven't met yet, she just wants to meet for coffee first to make sure I'm not a serial killer or catfish, then we can go back to her place.
Some guys say make her come to you, but that's bullshit If she's already down to fuck. Those rules only apply to the building attraction phase when she's not sure if she wants to fuck you yet. Seduce her with your pics, then your profile, then your chat. Then, the game is over and you just need to set a date and time. I get girls sending me nudes on the first day we chat, then coming straight over instead of meeting for dates. Getting this result requires confidence in your chat game, but I find that super easy because it's not face to face. You can think about what you're going to say before you say it, and you have complete control to put your best foot forward and not fuck up. I've had girls come over to fuck a few times, but later they get to know me and decide they're not actually that into me. But the fantasy I built through chat got me laid, and that's what I wanted. This is why I say, don't talk too much about yourself in the chat phase. Anything can be a red flag for her. Stick to the seduction.
Any other questions, just ask.
[–]Lighthero34 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I can guarantee your looks are more above average than you think.
If a girl is going to fuck with no inhibitions, then she's going to pick her best available choice. This isn't anything surprising it's common sense.
The average dude had no abs, chest, or anything like that. Average dude is a little chubby, probably around 200 lbs. Average dude is over weight.
If you have any muscle definition at all, you're already above average. If you have low body fat, your above average. If you have visible abs, then you're above above average.
I don't work out, quite sedentary actually because of multiple body pain issues. I hover around 183 at 5'10". I style my hair and beard in a way reminiscent of Keanu Reeves but overall I'm a dad bod with a belly and bad posture. I do look 100% better if I stand up straight and suck in my gut. I do not have any advanced muscle tone anywhere. However, I have noticed that if I stand directly under hard lighting, I can create the appearance of muscle tone as the natural curves of my body catch the light and shadow. That's actually a good photo technique.
I'd just say a couple things to your latest remarks.
Everything you said puts a guy in the top tier, is attainable within 2 months with some exercise. You don't even have to go to a gym. You can do exercises at home. Anything worth having in life takes effort. And your physical appearance is the one thing that affects attraction that you have complete control over. So, your latest commrnt actually answers all of your questions. You already know the answer. You can step up your appearance and be top tier relatively fast. Not just your physical fitness, but your haircut, facial hair style, and clothing fashions. Also, other aspects of your swagger and appearance can be cultivated as well. Your walk, your posture, your stance when you're not walking, and how you use your hands for expression when you're talking. So, once a guy realizes that his appearance is under his power, and he seeks to do something about it, I can't imagine anything more empowering.
Secondly, now that I established that I'm not exceptionally good looking, I would clarify that it's not about fixing everything that's broken on you, but simply putting your best foot forward. Taking what you have and presenting it well. And that can mean creating a vibe. In my earlier message I talked about looking into the camera as though you telling the woman you want to fuck her with your eyes. This is what I'm talking about. The vibe. Making her think about sex because of what you are doing. Not just how attractive your features are.
If you have achieved any sort of extraordinary excellence, like there's a photo of you winning a boxing championship, include that too. Get their panties wet quick.
The essence of my earlier advice is, seduce them from the beginning so that they put you into the fuck buddy category, instead of the potential boyfriend, meet my mom category. Then keep yourself in the fuck buddy category for as long as possible.
As for being a little fat and still getting laid, just adjust your expectations accordingly. Fat can get fat. If you're okay with thicker girls, you can get them as a thicker guy. But all my other advice about putting your best foot forward, and creating a sexual vibe, is still necessary. Even the bigger girls have all kinds of guys simping for them. Work on your game with lower ranking girls, because the pressure will feel much lower, and all the while you can be hitting the gym.
Good luck!
[–]Lighthero34 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Everything you said puts a guy in the top tier, is attainable within 2 months with some exercise.
Literally no the fuck it's not you have zero clue what you're talking about.
Building a body that I described as top tier takes literal years.
I implore you to DM with your tinder account so I can see just what you're doing to get 50% of matches to fuck you.
[–]daddysgotanew 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
No one is reading all that shit. If half your matches come over to fuck you’re not average looking 🤣
[–]mindofsound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm giving you the keys to the kingdom, and you're not willing to read it. Anyone can be better than average looking. It's in your control. You're just failing yourself by claiming futility and refusing to learn. Good luck with that! Midgets get laid. Disabled people get laid. If you're not willing to learn about how to create a vibe, You will be forever stuck asking yourself the question I used to ask, "Why them and not me?" I figured some shit out since then, but it's been 25 years. If you don't want to learn the hard fought findings from over 25 years or trial and error in a single, concise Reddit post, there's nothing I or anyone can do for you.
[–]daddysgotanew 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’m way better than average looking, but I’m low in status. Is what it is but there’s no magic bullet
[–]mindofsound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm living on an air mattress in a friend's garage with no job and no money. I've been poor my entire adult life. The girls I fuck from Tinder never even need to know that. They're not asking what I do or how much money I have, because I'm not selling myself as a boyfriend or a provider. Normally I have them come over to my place, but these days I'm just like, "Let me bring over some beers, some weed, we'll chill."
If you're better than average looking and still getting no play, you need to work on your game, your vibe, your flirting. Keeping a sexual fire burning from the first moment they see your profile, into the chat talk, and all the way into your bedroom.
[–]daddysgotanew 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Again, if that’s working for you, you are a Chad. I’m a 6’1” pretty boy even at 30 and if I said “bring beer and weed to my apartment” it ends up in an un-match 99.9 percent of the time, even for women who I’d rate as 5’s. I don’t even match with 8+ women, ever.
[–]ImmortallTear -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I prefer hinge
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Tinder only works if you put a lot of work into your looks and getting attractive unique authentic looking pics. Your age is a disadvantage but every guy has some disadvantage and it is possible for you to do well on tinder.
For cold approach I suggest you doing it more subtly, and doing cold approach in more areas, especially those where approaching strangers is more acceptable. Also don't forget that social circle will get you the best results but you have to invest in it. Remember that for both of these you can run into the "poisoning of the well" effect if you overdo them.
[–]zarapwnge -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Feel the same: have a friend of mine which everyone say he is less good looking and more stupid than me which has 10x the likes I have. It is the type of friend which in highschool didn’t go well with girls while I was full of admirer but hey, life changes. I want just to say that the average girl on Tinder is 1)stupid and will search What is similar to her or 2)desperate: in this case you will go for a date if u have the fortune to be the one she suddenly linked to: I have done it. But in general is just a waste of time and will only brings you bad emotons so stay away, you have better things to do and to give in this world. Peace.
[–]countsunny -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The world is bigger than dating apps. Enrich other aspects of your life, try day game, etc.
[–]Big_Numbers_Guy -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Much easier to go talk to cute girls that you notice making eye contact with you
[–]Nervous_Elephant_547 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Bruh, (i'm 23 M still on uni and feeling depressed too) that's why i never take tinder seriously. People on the internet can be more judgemental sometimes, including dating site. I've got 2 dates from dating site, tinder and okc. But thoose relationship are not long enough. I wouldn't say that dating site is bad, but if u looking for a serious relationship, peoples arround u are better, like friend or meet someone at coffeeshop or something like that. And now i choose to being single for a while single cus tbh, i'm tired about everything including dating. So i just trying to focus on my self now, although i can feel lonely too sometimes but that's okay. Sometimes i still open my tinder and okc too when i'm bored or just need someone to talk, but never take it seriously.
[–]EthicalSeduction -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So I personally found Tinder really easy to use and get dates. And I think it's because Tinder works really quick at getting you started talking. Both people swipe right and then you chat. So if you are good at the chatting part, then you can probably land the date. (Most dating apps I think basically try and help the two people start a conversation. That's the goal and you are expected to take it from there.)
So how do you get started having a good quality conversation?
Try to have a real conversation with them because you want to know who they actually are beyond the photo. If you can have the conversation and make it fun and engaging, then you will get the date. And if you do the same thing on the date, you will date another date. It's the process of discovery. :)
[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I’ve honestly had success with Tinder, and it’s gotten me laid a handful of times. It still made me depressed. Hookups and casual flings get old after awhile. I’m to the point in life where I’d rather have a wholesome girlfriend I could grow with. I just unfortunately can’t find one.
Tinder and apps destroyed dating. A good chunk of women don’t wanna settle down, because it’s more fun to have hundreds of guys simp for them off an app. The options they have is insane. Incels for all their faults, experimented that an average woman has more success on Tinder, than a top tier male chad.
[–]Boring_Ebb7908 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dunno why you got downvoted lol, theres definitely truth to that. Most of my friends are women and they echo what you're saying. There is a time for real relationships but a lot of people are content to just have flings, and once that happens the connection dies. I think also people can be afraid of a real connection, even if its what they want the most. I'm in the same boat, dont care for flings anymore, sometimes sex can feel like a favour or even a chore. As I've grown up I would rather just sleep next to someone, see into eachothers eyes, talk to someone, that sort of thing. Then perhaps sex would be more than that.
[–]ftdrain -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I started being successful on Tinder after I got the body of Brad Pitt@Troy, its doable 🤣
[–]Impressive_Pomelo847 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s the name of the game. It really is like that, Tinder does not reflect your worth at all, it’s super tilted in favour of women and the 5% of super hot men.
I do quite well on Tinder, but I'm in my mid-40s. Yeah, your young age probably has a lot to do with it. Women tend to look for men older than them generally, and you're not older than many. Otherwise, it might be something about your profile or your approach, but I can't see it so that's just speculation. Just remember that the best looking girls have many more guys hitting them up than they can respond to, so if you expect a response, you better say something more than just "hey." Starting with a provocative question helps, or even a gif.
[–]cobraCL 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck Tinder. The dynamic is unnatural and messed up.
[–]spacecommanderfap 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you are using the free tinder it works by giving a new profile a exposure boost, wich slows down to a crawl after you get your first couple of matches. They hope you start paying to keep the matches flowing. But you don't, you just delete the app and try again, I do this numerous times. It's kinda like throwing your fishing pole out again after having no luck the first time. Also looks doesn't mean shit anymore most girls only care about the lifestyle you can provide for them. I am a very handsome man, not bragging or anything but I have heard that all my life from numerous hookups, I was once scouted for one of the largest modelling agencys in my country. But I am not rich so my profile is mostly selfies without fancy cars or boats, and my succes on tinder is very average.
[–]SchfiftyFive55 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
what if ugly and broke? then gets real interesting lol
[–]Only_Commercial_774 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re a bad texter like me it’s not something to be depressed about
[–]humptyone 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go where the girls are. Most know the apps are just for hookups anyway.
[–]rudebwoy100 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You fear being kicked off campus for approaching women and speaking to them? If this would ever be possible i fear for your generation in the West as that is very anti man.
You're quite young so you might still have some calibration issues related to basic social skills or just need to mix up the venues a bit. Have you considered working on your inner game or mixing in some social circle game? In any case since you're a teenager you have all the time in the world to figure this out.
Definitely do yourself a favour and delete Tinder though.
I think you’ve built an addiction to game friend. Time for some inner finding yourself and work. Why isn’t being yourself good enough without a girl to hook up with. Start with that question
i've been on bumble for over three years and just lost my dry spell so don't worry about it especially if you pull girls aside from that
[–]ZachMoore88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Let's rewind and talk about what happened that scared you off of cold approaching. You said you were worried about getting reported and/or kicked out for havimf a reputation. Care to elaborate?
[–]ZachMoore88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What types of places were you approaching at? And how did you go about it? Walk me through the process?
[–]Milltary32vs 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This won't make you feel better(probably) you have value, do whatever makes you happy and duck everyone else. Enjoy your friends, enjoy your hobbies find the value in those and life will improve. I promise you'll see it.
[–]kensei_ocelot 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Here's a solution, turn off the tinder and speak to some women in person. You go to college, that's literally the easiest place to meet women, far easier than any club or bar. It sounds to me like you need to switch up your approach. In 2022, you can't be very aggressive when approaching women, you have to be much more subtle.
[–]Nugget834 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Unless you invest in getting a professional dating profile photo shoot. I wouldn't bother with online dating...
I've done one in the past, and just did another one recently.
The results speak for themselves and it's well worth it.
But it's an investment with many people won't do it for various reasons.
If you don't want to invest in a shoot, I'd stick with going out in the real world.
[–]Aquaberry1 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The hot women on tinder are their to boost their socials. The app itself doesn’t want you to match without paying. Stay off Tinder and focus on meeting women in person 🫡
[–]Delicatestatesmen 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Even the top 10 percent on tinder only get a few matchs a month.
[–]dani098 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m in pretty good shape and good looking. And I get next to zero matches in almost 0 responses. Lol I do fairly well with women, I would say my luck is higher than average but absolutely zero on Tinder. Lol what the fuck
I had a girl tell me today that pretty much everybody she meets is about half as good looking as the actual pictures. That was her opinion but that’s something to think about. It’s definitely not a healthy app
[–]ForsakenBadger8 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
me too. dating apps suck and it’s like ugh how am i gonna find my husband if no one ever approaches me and i don’t use dating apps bc it makes me realize how ugly i am 👺👺👺
21st century dating is a shit show now anyway tinder or no tinder. Women in western countries only want Brad Pitt replicas… be funny when some of there children come out “avg” or “less then”…jokes on you beautiful people.
[–]BigAl6inch 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same. Only had 2 or 3 chats that almost made it to a date. Just keep getting ghosted. I realised that deleting and re-uploading a pic boosts your chances of matches. But never goes anywhere
[–]a_squarred 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I personally detest this app since it does the same to me. I’ve discussed it with friends before and some of them insist it’s a no-brainer because you basically have access to dozens even hundreds of girls. However it requires a lot of commitment. I mean you need to maintain a likeable social media life. You know - pleasant and intriguing guy, loves to travel (and actually does so), yet not appearing needy because you have your own plan that you’re following. Suddenly you find yourself in a situation where you keep constantly working for the benefit of your social media profile. The app takes advantage of one’s most primal perception of another. Basically you have to trigger exactly that in girls.
Since I am totally against social media and the false lifestyle they try to impose on all of us I find Tinder a really bad place for me. I believe that its the emanation of lies in a certain manner. However it does its job for a lot of guys so there’s that. To each their own.
In conclusion - if it makes you feel bad and doubt yourself dedicate time on different approaches. Leave it be on “stand by” but you should focus on real interactions more when possible.
[–]Real-Edge-9288 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
hahaha tell us something we don't know. tinder is shit. fuck that app. I installed it and deleted it many times. You need good photos...but not too good bcs women will see you as try hard... its better to wipe it down your phone asap. go out and approach women. some might see you creepy but some might be happy you approached them. anyways, thats what I am going to do.
[–]Real-Edge-9288 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
one more thing. women only need to throw up some make up... undress a little...or dress up fancy...write a shitty generic description thats boring as fuck and they will still get matches. why? because all we want is to fuck. weirdly thats also their aim, more or less...but they cannot fuck all of us. but they would fuck other guys in series have body counts like crazy 🤣🤣. There is no logic in all this but hey who cares anyways. Nowdays is 99.99% pretending and 0.01% genuiness.
Dating apps siphon my confidence too. Especially Tinder. I always see people on them and thought I'd try but, honestly its more fulfilling just doing it the old fashioned way lol. As a guy on a dating app nowadays I just rapid fire through people just to get someone to talk to and make friends lol. But cold approaching in the real world or naturally turning friendships into relationships is what turns out to be true I think.
When you're on a dating app, people judge you based on there first impression of your looks and profile - in a real world scenario its much different, we judge people based on all sorts of things. Looks yes, but also how it feels to talk to someone. The chemistry. People dont go through that when they swipe, so dont doubt yourself, online dating is more superficial. It can work but its rare in my opinion, and keep in mind, women on these apps have a sea of men to choose from while men work with a puddle. When you're making connections in the real world, it can begin to feel like the opposite, just gotta make sure you're friendly and not brazenly pursuing these people off the bat. You dont need a dating app to date people.
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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ZachMoore88 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ZachMoore88 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Milltary32vs 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kensei_ocelot 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Nugget834 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aquaberry1 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Delicatestatesmen 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dani098 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ForsakenBadger8 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]BigAl6inch 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]a_squarred 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Real-Edge-9288 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Real-Edge-9288 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Boring_Ebb7908 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link