I messed up

cousinmarygross · 2023-05-26T17:16:34+00:00

Would you divorce her if you caught her watching porn?

Token_or_TolkienuPOS · 2023-05-26T18:40:49+00:00

She wanted a divorce over this one thing? Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds? You should have let her go that 1st time. You allowed her to put monitors on your devices like you are a child? What the hell is this? Man, you really need to have a hard look at yourself

Robosnails · 2023-05-26T20:15:18+00:00

This post has to be trolling. Is their really men out there that allow them selves to be treated like this and actually think they are in the wrong?

If this is not a troll post please for the love of God grow a pair and take control of your life for the first time ever. Get personal counciling to unfuck your brain from years of brainwashing and gaslighting your stbx has done to you.

jimsmythee · 2023-05-26T17:17:48+00:00

For watching p0rn? good god. "I promise to never watch it again!" Why would you ever agree to something like that?

Patriot0811 · 2023-05-26T18:25:27+00:00

Grant her the divorce. You’ve given her complete control of your life I’m guessing. And you probably don’t even realize it.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2023-05-26T21:13:23+00:00

What i get out of what you posted that I've read, watching porn means she's not satisfying you. I can say with absolute certainly that you both have had a talk about sex. Yet, for her, it felled on deaf ears. Don't beat yourself up for watching porn. Beat yourself up for the fact that you have a whole wife and you have to satisfy yourself by watching it. Most women think that they can control men and teach them lessons by withholding sex but, it does the opposite, and we seek other means of sexual gratification. I say watch your porn, find you another woman who shares your sexual appetite.

RideATX · 2023-05-26T18:13:59+00:00

This post should be titled "Men with out frame, and the things they do". I had a girl tell me that watching porn was cheating one time and I laughed in her face. Her position changed in that instant because she was into me. Good luck OP.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-05-26T19:00:32+00:00

Let me guess, the sex dried up soon after you got married? Women think they have the right to control a man’s sexual desires yet demand that we respect theirs. Get rid of her asap.

Skaeofficial · 2023-05-26T19:27:38+00:00

I have heard stories of shit like this and i always found it funny that the girlfriends and wives would not fuck they men but get mad at the men for tryna please themselves so they dont go out and cheat on they dumb ass 😂 like got damn is it that hard too just fuck the person you love and please them so they can be happy ? Im sure your dude wont have a problem tryna do whatever makes you happy after you give him some but thats just my opinion

tyyyy110 · 2023-05-26T23:21:29+00:00

One of my frat bros has allowed is wife of almost 1 yr to completely change him into a soft yellow back guy who's balls are completely hers now... sry not sry.

What and by that is he has to call her everywhere he goes and comes, he has to tell her he loves her at least 20 to 30 times a day, she used to work when they met but now she decided to be a stay-at-home wife, (and he feels completely helpless) he was able to work on Thursdays now he shuts his phones off and makes sure that Thursdays is her day that he gives her a spa treatment all day. He never talks to me around her he always goes outside or in his vehicle to talk.

He has confided to me how miserable he is but how bad another divorce will be for him because he's allowed her to be on all of his personal and business accounts and he just doesn't see a way out before being totally bankrupt. So he rather just live with her and suck it up than be free from this controlling insecure monster.

My whole point is, get ya balls back and don't allow her to have this much control over you. If she wants to divorce you over something so petty then so be it! youre probably in the end better off without her

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-05-26T17:23:17+00:00

She sounds controlling sounds like she’s trying to get something or your house. My ex try to convince me to sell my house that’s in my name and use the equity to buy a house from another state

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-05-26T20:37:13+00:00

The dumbest reason to get divorced. Unless you are addicted but if not then it means nothing. She will do whatever she feels I don't think you can influence her decision so sit back and wait. Do you really want someone that controls you that much?

FindingMyPrivates · 2023-05-26T18:53:41+00:00

I had the same thing with my exwife. This was after almost a month of no sex. I have a high drive and would always try but she shot me down so much. Granted it was bad as I would do everything just to get some and it made me simp bad. I asked her why she’s mad if I don’t get any from her. Id rather do that then cheat. She said it was like if I was cheating. Never made sense to me.

rensizzlefeb · 2023-05-26T18:59:07+00:00

That is an unrealistic expectation for her to have if you two didn't agree to it before marriage.

NC_Geezus · 2023-05-26T19:14:52+00:00

That seems like a pretty quick trigger for divorce (unless you had some unhealthy or illegal pornography addiction - in that case MAYBE). Does she have an issue with you watching porn or with you jerking off (or both)?

caryasm · 2023-05-26T20:09:58+00:00

I dont think its about the porn per se this time. As unreasonable as it sounds, You promised her that you wont watch porn anymore. And then you broke the promise and did it behind her back. In her eyes that would be betrayal.

Livid-Road8218 · 2023-05-27T02:00:30+00:00

It has nothing to do with porn. That was just the final straw

Long-Review-1861 · 2023-05-27T10:25:53+00:00

Dude... this bitch is nuts

animalx3 · 2023-05-27T13:04:32+00:00

Bro. And I’ll lean in with bro. What the literal f are you doing in this group. Watch your porn - ditch the chick. Do yourself a favor you are being controlled. There’s so many great women out there just tell your wife I like porn, you’re not enough sexually, and say let me help you pack. I swear usually I’m the guy in this group saying make it work, divorce sucks, and it does as I’m moving my stbxw out today. But damn…. Read the book ways of a superior man and live that.

(Update below)

I just looked at your other posts on Reddit. You’re super smart, driven, and prob successful at life…. Literally ditch the girl or tell her calmly this isn’t working for me, for this reason, and makes me feel {blank}. That’s not ok with me and this is what’s going to happen…. Done… walk out of the room and go grab a beer with a buddy. She may leave but you set the stage and your foundation.

Also don’t let her hit you. There’s no reason to kick her butt but step into that swing, block it, and just grab her next time and control her physically. No need to hurt her but dude….be a man

ranger69danger · 2023-05-26T20:46:55+00:00

No offense or anything but maybe you should not be with someone that feels so extremely anti-porn. And maybe she should not be with someone that…frankly apparently enjoys a bit of porno every now and then.

Lotsa folks out there to partner with in this world that see porno as better than ketchup

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-05-26T18:06:09+00:00

There must be something more than this wrong with your relationship. It is clear that she has lost respect and trust in you. It was probably lost the first time it happened and she was just waiting for something else to happen which would be just a matter of time.

YAYAKOSHIYO · 2023-05-27T13:02:52+00:00

She probably has some some porn floating around. J/S

Objective-Apple-7830 · 2023-05-27T16:39:57+00:00

I understand him. Was in a similar situation. It's probably one of those hard-core Christian fanatics. If she wants a divorce, grant it. The holier than thou attitude stinks. You may have a weakness when it comes to certain sins , but am sure she is not all righteous either. The bible talks about carrying each others burdens , if she can't carry yours , then it's not worth carrying hers.

BloodyButUnbowed1 · 2023-05-27T22:59:29+00:00

Just leave bro, been in this same situation. It never gets better, only worse. And you will look back and regret not leaving earlier. PM me if you'd like to talk because we have a lot in common and I think I can provide some clarity for your situation.

Reflog1791 · 2023-05-26T17:40:37+00:00

Do you have kids? If you want to save your marriage go to some porn therapy or something to SHOW her you’re serious.

If you’re deeply in love then why watch porn? Your sex life doesn’t need to be perfect but if it’s not going the way you want, do something about it. Tell her you want xyz. Don’t be a pussy. If she doesn’t want to be intimate with you the way you’d like, then you have some decisions to make.

My 2 cents is it sounds like porn is a dealbreaker for her. Right or wrong not important. What are your dealbreakers? Do you have any? Or you just lurk around your house with Madame Palm and hope to not piss off your wife. That sounds shitty.

stent00 · 2023-05-26T18:51:32+00:00

Good god. Someones a huge prude ... If shes not servicing you daily and keeping your balls empty there is a need for men to watch porn to actually get off. We're not like women. We are visual creatures

Notreallyme7628 · 2023-05-26T20:59:34+00:00

Man that’s a terrible situation, and I empathize deeply as a man in the very early stages of divorce himself. However I have to agree with a lot of the sentiments being expressed here - namely, yikes.

People divorce for a myriad of reasons, some good, some bad, some debatable. But unless it’s something truly heinous (murder, sex crime,. etc) or even something like infidelity (which an actual live human), it’s NEVER for one reason. And I’m sorry I simply don’t buy for one minute that your wife wants a divorce solely because she caught you watching porn. There’s a trust violation factor here, I get it - you said you wouldn’t watch porn and you did. And I understand the guilt around that. But I would stop short of calling myself an asshole if I were you, I don’t see that being the case.

There are very obviously much deeper issues at play here man, MUCH deeper. I won’t speculate what those things may be, as that’s obviously not my place. But I think you need to do some deep digging into what the real issue is here. Either way it sounds like this situation is not sustainable at all.

I understand that you’re in hella pain right now and you don’t want people telling you how you should have acted/should feel. I feel for you brother, we are both at very hard times in our lives. But again, I simply cannot believe that things are as cut and dry as you made it sound in your original post

CampaignOk3234 · 2023-05-27T06:10:08+00:00

Something is off. What sorta porn are you watching?

It must be niche. Softer or harder than Two girls one cup?

tbebestisyettocome · 2023-05-27T22:37:58+00:00

I absolutely find it reasonable behavior. And I'm not the one getting divorced am I.

He's here trying to understand why his wife is leaving him. I'm trying to understand how you guys don't get that women don't like their men jacking off to countless other women. But, you do you.

candydaze819 · 2023-05-27T03:25:34+00:00

Porn ruined my marriage and I deeply regret it. Dudes it’s not worth it and it’s disrespectful. It’s the same as cheating.

RuRu_1999 · 2023-05-26T18:16:17+00:00

Well you made a promise and then broke it. Do you think you have an addiction to porn? You did it anyway knowing what trouble it would cause. This suggests an addiction. Have you been to counseling for this? Possibly if you start counseling she will give you another chance (?).

captainchippsixx · 2023-05-26T22:12:43+00:00

Honestly I would say to her “fine.”Do not! Do not beg. Avoid communication. Go silent. Just say okay, let me know when you want to tackle talking about the divorce. You have to act the opposite. You have accepted her unreasonable conclusion

JD-Anderson · 2023-05-27T00:39:49+00:00

Sorry for your situation, but make sure you get your balls back in the divorce. Then start dating women who aren’t manipulative like your wife is. Have fun.

meltdownthetown · 2023-05-27T00:41:39+00:00

I know I may have linked to this website a few times already but this article from two weeks ago seems to fit . https://www.drpsychmom.com/2023/05/13/if-you-dont-want-your-husband-to-masturbate-guess-what/

Swang_Glass84s · 2023-05-27T23:28:58+00:00

What kind of porn

out-the_door · 2023-05-31T23:10:22+00:00

Nothing against the wife, but so what if I like to see a cute MILF bent over in high heels or other similar poses. Divorce threat over this? Bullshit. Now if you're out chasing tail or screwing someone else's wife you deserve an ass beating.

Title	I messed up
Author	Cyberlytical
Upvotes	11
Comments	78
Date	May 26, 2023 5:07 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13sisqe/i_messed_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-messed-up.1220409 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220409

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