Female Coworkers Chat With Kids Frequently Every Day; I Say "Hi" to a Woman's Kid Once and Get Reported

tomek77 · 2011-02-06T18:36:56+00:00

It's not a "big deal out of nothing". You nearly lost your job because you said "hi" to a kid, that's f*cking sick!

Warlizard · 2011-02-06T19:27:02+00:00

Were you whispering?

Everything sounds creepy when you whisper.

hassehans · 2011-02-06T19:42:32+00:00

How about setting up this experiment:

A female worker says "hi" to a male customers son, who then reports this to the manager. (Of course everyone except the manager would have to be a part of this.)

The question is: does the store manager handle this any differently? If so - he/she treats the gender differently.

Hark_An_Adventure · 2011-02-06T20:17:46+00:00

I worked in a grocery store in high school and had similar stuff happen. We had this cashier - "Lauren" - who was in her 40s and cooed over every single child that would come through her line.

Once, while I was working her line as a bagger, a baby was making funny faces and laughing. Lauren did some faces back and the mother was in stitches. I did one and she gave me the iciest stare that ever was stared.

FascistOrigami · 2011-02-06T18:56:05+00:00

I want to believe that stories like this are just reddit attention trolls. Because otherwise, if they are true, then it means American society is deeply disturbed, perverted, and headed for oblivion.

addictedtosugar · 2011-02-07T00:01:17+00:00

Language has been distorted when people talk about things like this. When people say "he made me feel uncomfortable when he did this", what they really mean is "I felt uncomfortable when he did this." But the way it's presented nowadays (the former) is intended to make "he" the active participant, and move any responsibility for feeling uncomfortable away from "me".

The really sick part of this is that society accepts that version.

Stormedhornet · 2011-02-06T18:44:28+00:00

I think you should talk to a lawyer

Celda · 2011-02-06T18:56:29+00:00

You should fight this, it's not your employer's fault that the woman makes a complaint, but the store does not have the right to discipline you when you did nothing wrong.

Imagine you sneezed, and I was offended by that so I made a complaint. Then you got written up, obviously that's unfair.

notacrackheadofficer · 2011-02-06T19:40:11+00:00

I work in a supermarket to pay my way through college and it is horrible. But I say hi to kids all the time and nothing has ever happened.

Also, on a side note, only male cashiers have to bring carts in from outside. Is there anything I can do about this?

AnnArchist · 2011-02-06T19:13:34+00:00

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Infectaphibian · 2011-02-06T19:48:37+00:00

Makes me feel bad for this womans child if it is male.

deerB · 2011-02-06T21:21:27+00:00

It's all thanks to dateline. I love kids. Love them. But I don't feel comfortable even looking at them for longer than a couple seconds because I'm male. I always get strange sideways looks from the parents. I'm not going to rape your children right in front of you guys, I'm just being friendly.

gunmetal_ruby · 2011-02-06T23:27:30+00:00

My BF quit working in childcare because of shit like this. My brother would be an amazing childcare worker, but even my parents see the kind of difficulty presented. It makes me so angry and sad that these beautiful, caring men can't go near a child like this with people crying wolf.

2011-02-06T21:18:35+00:00

Are you ugly?

gaviidae · 2011-02-06T20:59:34+00:00

Unfortunately, it's okay in American culture to automatically assume a male is a pedophile. It's considered wrong to treat a black man as a larger threat to be a thief but it's okay to treat a man as a larger threat to being a pedophile.

If you were a black man and someone said they felt uncomfortable because you were looking at their purse they'd be thrown out as a crackpot. But a man looking at a kid is a complaint some people take seriously. It's ridiculous.

john2kxx · 2011-02-06T20:15:39+00:00

Get a lawyer, keep saying hi to kids, you'll be fired, document it all. Then you can file your sexual discrimination lawsuit, and cha-ching! Payday. Fuck this sexist society we live in.

I dream, that one day all men may be treated without suspicion, and with the respect, just as women are today.

formation · 2011-02-06T22:32:20+00:00

I see this all the time when I was working at the supermarket as a filler. I would tend not to talk to any kids unless they asked me for help or something. Seriously I wouldn't even make eye contact with fear of the mother calling you out as a pedo. It's a strange world we live in... >_>

Edit: I live in New Zealand, this shit's wordwide.

pcarvious · 2011-02-06T20:09:40+00:00

Were you asked to sign a letter of reprimand or anything like that, or did they point out an official policy to you? Has there been anything added to your employee files?

I personally would check. Some companies will slip shit into your folder before trying to can you so they have "grounds for termination."

commissarbandit · 2011-02-06T20:33:37+00:00

Please please make a big deal, and listen to everyone in this post because for every time a man ignores something like this and goes on his way without question we as men lose another battle. It's not just you facing this its all of us and we all need to do what we can.

SLADEnk · 2011-02-06T22:13:07+00:00

It's shit like this that is really starting to piss me off. People look at me out of the corner of there eyes when I am just hanging with me little girl. I guess the part that really angers me is that women commit more sexual crimes against children that go unreported, yet when they do reported most of they time they get the brush off while men take the brunt of the blame. No the world is not fair however this shit has to stop. NOW!

AnnArchist · 2011-02-06T19:40:11+00:00

Consider suing. Both the woman who made the complaint (for defamation, it caused an injury) and sue the employer who wrote you up for it for sexism.

Make a big fucking deal about because you can do every man her a favor when you win.

I am an ammoral scumbag who loves free money. So I would sue everyone. Both your employer, your boss personally, the complaintant, the insurance company that insures the grocer.

I wouldn't give a fuck if I put a mom and pop out of business because it would benefit me. Its you against the world, you just got a lottery ticket, go cash it in.

jacksparrow1 · 2011-02-06T19:43:58+00:00

Wow. That is a depressing story.

You were definitely discriminated against. I can't tell you how to react, but I hope this experience does not stop you from being friendly with kids.

I hate to think that kids aren't going to have any friendly interaction with men because of a general paranoia. That would be a sad world.

2011-02-06T20:40:08+00:00

paranoid people are paranoid.

kanuk876 · 2011-02-06T21:20:21+00:00

In other societies, adult male and female interaction with children is not all that different.

It is an indication of North American sicko mindset that's the anomaly.

Kardlonoc · 2011-02-07T12:55:28+00:00

Men are not allowed to be "Cute". Men should be standoffish with children and avoid them at all costs. Men should not love children in anyway shape or form. Loving children is for mothers only. If a man expresses love he is not a man, hes a pedophile or a deviant. If a man says hi to a child or baby its obvious his intentions are impure, espeically if he is a stranger. Strangers should remain silent around children, Strangers are evil and cannot be be trusted.Do you see that twinkle in his eye? He wants to rape your baby. Contact the police before it happens. All men are like this.

Did I summarize it right?

Danoh1 · 2011-02-07T00:11:40+00:00

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zzing · 2011-02-06T20:28:17+00:00

Everyone who is talking about suing:

He works at a grocery store.
Suing is expensive.

:. Those two don't seem to mix in my mind.

john2kxx · 2011-02-06T19:28:48+00:00

Not to point out the obvious but when a woman is buying: anal lube, a 12" dildo, a selection of dog collars and a large bottle of hot sauce; you shouldn't be asking her kid if she's helping mommy shop.

Arlieth · 2011-02-06T22:05:53+00:00

The fact that you got written up leads to a paper trail on your supervisor's behalf. You actually got lucky here.

PS: Get a copy of it.

deadcat · 2011-02-06T22:10:01+00:00

Perhaps you should talk to the local press?

Michaelquerty · 2011-02-06T23:23:28+00:00

Thats pretty much how america works it seems.

defubar · 2011-02-06T23:40:54+00:00

OP: Explain yourself as you did here to your supervisor. Ask her to remove the write up because you feel she only did so because a woman with a warped world view toward men overreacted. Most businesses will at the very least have some sort of appeal process for removing a write up. If she refuses or your appeal does not work in your favor, tell her you are filing a charge with the EEOC. Or just file with the EEOC and get things rolling. Go here if you need to do so: http://www.eeoc.gov/employees/charge.cfm

Danoh1 · 2011-02-07T00:11:36+00:00

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go_fuckk_yourself · 2011-02-07T01:11:26+00:00

Worked at a place that had hired a girl with Down's syndrome. If I was on the elevator by myself and she got on, I would immediately get off. It is one fucked up world out there and you have to CYA.

ModernTenshi04 · 2011-02-07T14:26:11+00:00

Friend of mine that owned a video game store ran into similar issues.

He's great with kids, has four of his own, and he never talks down to anyone young. Kids would always bring in tons of things to trade, and he would talk to them and help them with purchases, and since it was THEIR money, he talked to THEM, answering questions, helping them pick out something of value for their money, sometimes even convincing them that trading in nearly all their games may not be such a good idea. Yeah, he actually told kids to save their money and wait to buy things they really wanted, instead of impulse buying to get what they want now.

He told me parents were always creeped out by this, so he had to cut it back a bit, which made him sad because, like me, he feels that kids aren't given credit for how intelligent they can be. He wasn't a pedophile or some creep running a game store, he just loved his job and wanted to make all his customers happy, regardless of their age.

magdalene25 · 2011-02-13T12:35:23+00:00

I apologize on behalf of the female population for this double standard. Fucking lunatic paranoid woman nearly lost you your job! God damn it!

Men are not automatically sexual predators! Most of the men I've met in my life have been scumbags, sexual predators and assholes for reasons explained in an AMA I did a while back. But despite this I don't assume men are all like that! It's just a gender, not a gorram disease!

I had a gay male kindergarden teacher in the late 80's early 90's and he was AWESOME! But he had to leave after he started getting death threats accusing him of paedophilia. I wish people would wake up to the double standards being supported by this twisted form of political correctness that's now ruling our societal views.

edit grammar and spacing

TorrentSwarms · 2011-02-06T21:54:48+00:00

I'm feed up with this mass media contrived pedophilia hysteria. The sole purpose of this media obsession (and many other forms of media-induced anxieties) is solely to instill unwarranted fear on society by and large to keep us glued through the commercial/news cycles. 24-hour news networks are effete and redundant, which they know, and have to keep their (and their advertisers) viewership up to maintain revenues by such crass reporting, damned be the societal consequences!

Of course the main target of this fear mongering is towards women since they are more frivolous with money, they have the stronger maternal instinct (although debatable) to exploit, and are usually home watching the news/Oprah getting their child worshiping fix while raising their kids at home. Seems like low-lying fruit to increase that profit margin, huh?

What better way to instill an overall irrational fear, and generate revenue than to say some intangible boogie-man is going to take your offspring... and do perverse things to them... maybe... possibly... and every male is suspect... including the OP... maybe... possibly...

I say the mass media entity itself is perverse with this child worship/fetish. For an "organization" to be talking about child sexual exploitation so much (and with near pornographic details in some instances), they have to be thinking about child sexual exploitation a lot more...</rant>

thequazi · 2011-02-06T22:03:14+00:00

Sue her for slanderous remarks that could hinder your career.

2011-02-06T21:25:49+00:00

Demand to speak to the woman, and bring a lawyer with you. Ask her why she made the complaint, and lure her into accusing you of being a pedophile, and sue her for slander.

Quazz · 2011-02-07T09:04:54+00:00

You are an idiot.

What you need to do is flirt with the mum first, and THEN give attention to the child. By giving the child more attention, you were making mum jealous and reminding her of her huge mistake.

Im probably not talking a load of shit.

TangoTangerine · 2011-02-06T18:47:34+00:00

A girl I knew had a really messed up childhood. The government took her away from her parents because her father supposedly abused her, some family adopted her, the parents wanted her back. And they did get her back. After several years of fluctuating decisions in different courts. No-one had believed her parents.

And all that because of one day in kindergarten when she refused to get undressed in order to get changed, and at some later moment during the day her dad and she sprinkled cream on each other.

Our society is messed up in ways one can hardly imagine.

Lavarocked · 2011-02-06T22:59:18+00:00

I used to work at a grocery store, unrelated not so similar incident. I bagged a lady's groceries, she had a child in the seat thing he turns around POINTS AT ME and says "papi"(daddy in spanish).

I freak out and tell the baby, "that's a big accusation right there kid", we all had a good laugh.

Bobsutan · 2011-02-06T19:58:06+00:00

This is less the stores fault and more of a case of pervasive misandry in our culture that caused the mom to "feel uncomfortable". Then again the store affecting his job based solely on her feeeelings may be something actionable on his part--at a minimum I'd at least talk to a lawyer to see what his options are. Perhaps a lawsuit against the store might help change that perception, but it's going to take a long time of men standing up for themselves before things change really. I would hope that at a minimum it'd give the store something to think about in the future when it comes to disciplining employees.

incurious · 2011-02-06T23:20:56+00:00

What has society come to where people are defined by their appearance or taste? Men are pedophiles; gays are going to try to hit on you; black people are "hood"; stereotyping can be funny in a joke, but this lady took it too far.

wigam · 2011-02-06T23:24:34+00:00

Blame the media beat ups!

2011-02-06T23:43:09+00:00

god thats sad. As a mom I've never freaked out when the grocery baggers (almost all men, mostly young) at my supermarket chat up my son, I can hear every word they say and none of it is pervy, I just smile at them and go about my business with son in tow. That said, I have sometimes felt a bit cautious talking or interacting with other peoples (strangers) children. and in case you missed the first part of this comment, I'm a woman. I understand some people are touchy about strangers of either sex approaching their child in any unnecessary way. Clearly that wasnt the case for OP from his managers point of view since his co-workers get away with it, but I am curious to know if the female co-workers also interacted with the same child that day and whether the mother is just a mega neurotic or indeed sexist. Either way just saying Hi should not land in you trouble, would they prefer you act unfriendly? Really? Jeez

Mog_the_Moogle · 2011-02-06T23:57:14+00:00

its really the internet that brought this influx of creeps, creeps get that weird creepy thought, find material of creepy thought on the internet, material leads to insatiable creepy urge which sometimes leads to one of the worse things a person can do

as a male thats worked with kids for the last 3 years and am going into elementary education this is a pretty passionate subject for me

homietheclown · 2011-02-07T00:13:26+00:00

Saying hi is ok, saying hi with your penis out is not.

captthrowaway · 2011-02-07T00:55:08+00:00

You should find that cunt and punch her in the face. I'm a chick and I think that's bullshit.

SadPenguin · 2011-02-07T02:08:47+00:00

Talk to the union. Obtain copy of surveillance tape/ photos. Your security dude and/or manager might say they're unavailable to you but if you start an official union inquiry into it they must release it (it may take lawyers or a court order).

DO.NOT.SIGN.THE.PAPER.

I know it's too late but you should NEVER EVER sign the paper that acknowledges that you did something wrong. If you get called up to the office, and your supervisor starts chewing you out - stop the meeting request union representation. They have to stop everything and wait until your steward gets there.

You wouldn't do stuff like this in the outside world with the police or something, why let your company treat you like that?

phancci · 2011-02-07T02:09:05+00:00

Who the hell said women can't be sexist? I'm a woman and I see chicks doing that crazy crap all the time. If anything, MORE than I ever see men being sexist openly.

For some reason it's ok for women to be sexist? Hmm...

mlatour · 2011-02-07T03:19:37+00:00

I am 67 yr old white guy in Montreal. Tonite I get off the bus which was too far from the curb so its a big step down. There is this four year old black girl behind me she hesitates because the jump down is a bit much. So I give her my hands to grab and she grabs on and jumps down all safe. Her parents behind with the shopping bags think nothing of this strange white guy giving her a hand, and I go on my way thinking how different things are a hundred miles south.

2011-02-07T03:58:52+00:00

Wow, I was NOT expecting to get this much attention. I didn't think anyone would care, to be honest. I can't really reply to each individual comment, but I'll respond to some of the points/questions people have made, here.

To clarify, I'm not really creepy. I'm not sure why people are suggesting that. It sounds like I'm being accused solely for complaining about this or something.

Only one woman in my LIFE has ever said that, and she was bitter because I said I wasn't attracted to her (long and unrelated story there). I'm not a trophy-winner, but I'm always clean-shaven, dressed well and proper. If anything, I'm boring. A lot of customers like me (some say so, anyway) and laugh at my jokes. As for body language? I asked a coworker who was nearby if I was making any odd gestures or anything and she said that no, I looked fine. She doesn't know I got in trouble for "what I said." So I don't think that's it....

Anyway, I don't plan on suing for a number of reasons. To name a few, 1) it's he-said-she said, basically, 2) I haven't actually been disciplined or fired, 3) it's a GROCERY STORE JOB, which I plan on quitting relatively soon, 4) suing isn't cheap, even though it's every American's first choice of action, apparently. It just doesn't seem worth it, and I don't even have much of a case... yet.

I'm relieved to hear other people have had somewhat similar experiences, and I agree that this is definitely a paranoid world we live in. I just don't understand it at all. Did I do something wrong? A lot of people here are being very supportive, but some insinuate that I'm doing something unpleasant without realizing it.

theaphid · 2011-02-07T04:58:33+00:00

I don't want to say this isn't worthy of your attention, but quite frankly it is bullshit. I can't help but smile and make funny faces at young children when I encounter them in my day-to-day life, after all, they are kids and this is practically how I was raised. With three uncles that were always the source of entertainment at family gatherings, you would think that other people could relate to this. There is this subconscious desire in most adults to make children laugh or even just acknowledge their existence. I too often see parents running around towing their children like luggage, ignoring their questions and concerns, and while I understand these parents might just be exhausted, I think it is perfectly appropriate for everyone else to acknowledge them. Quite frankly, if it made the mother uncomfortable, she needs to sort out some fucking issues - and I almost pity her children because they are going to be raised to not trust peoples' honest intentions. Talk about being jaded from infancy.

Hristix · 2011-02-07T06:00:11+00:00

Honestly, OP, you should sit down and have a conversation with your supervisor. Tell her, straight up, why you don't agree that you should be written up about it. Don't be mean about it. Don't even demand that the write-up be taken off. Just tell her that the past is the past and you're interested in the future.

Ask if they would rather choose the side of fear and dread over the side of social harmony. Eventually this will all come to a head: Men won't be allowed within a hundred yards plus our dick size of any child that isn't their own. It's clear that the 'every man has a rapist inside waiting to get out' mentality is all about paranoia and fear.

Ask your supervisor if she would take someone seriously if they busted into the store and accused the cashiers of being government-built robots there to ensure that the secret of the moon landing and 9/11 stays secret. That's the level of paranoia some women have against men.

sonnyclips · 2011-02-07T06:03:38+00:00

I would talk with someone in Human Resources. I've been in a leadership position in many organizations and what your talking about sounds kind of strange. I think maybe someone that you work with is up to something here. Firstly, why would anyone have a problem with you greeting the family, making mention of mom and not asking for the child's name is totally acceptable.

It sounds to me like either your boss or whomever wrote this complaint (if it were a coworker as I surmise it was) is creating a hostile work environment. The HR dept. should know about this and bringing it to there attention is a good way to take the onus off of yourself. You've done nothing wrong and there is no cultural reason that someone could complain that you had.

skintightshoes · 2011-02-07T06:04:22+00:00

Maybe you just rubbed her up the wrong way? Some guys just can't pull off niceties like that. We will never know. Like all the other posts on mensrights, we'll just have to take your word for it.

issan1mountain · 2011-02-07T10:33:44+00:00

It sounds like a gender roles issue. Women can do this because to treat kids like what you described is a "woman" thing. Society will of course assume gender roles are built in and when they notice potential actings out of these roles they will assume something is wrong with you.

You are the victim of gender norms because someone assumed males could not speak emphatically to children.

You should be careful as to not rock the social boat when doing a service job. This is why service jobs suck balls, it is demeaning to who you are as an individual.

2011-02-07T10:56:34+00:00

WTF.Just WTF. You got in shitloads of trouble just for saying hi to a kid.wtf. your female coworkers constantly hug and high five kids yet nothing ever happens to them. Hello, Myra Hindley anyone? fucking double standards. I would strongly consider talking to a lawyer, OP.

deku · 2011-02-07T14:25:11+00:00

This has to be illegal, Accept the fact that the lady was uncomfortable but to actually receive punishment via a company because of this, You have to consider going to a lawyer. It wouldn't hurt to ask.

2011-02-07T17:41:48+00:00

If you're a male in Western society, don't talk to children you don't know. Period. Don't even look at them. To do otherwise is a crime.

coldnsnowy · 2011-02-06T19:39:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2011-02-07T08:14:28+00:00

Does everybody seriously think this is real?

dakboy · 2011-02-06T18:57:06+00:00

Did you get a copy of what your accuser said that you said? Do you have anyone who may have overheard you (cashier in the next lane) who can back you up?

tomek77 is dead on, this isn't "nothing." It's an important issue that needs to be brought to light. If everything you write here is true, you did nothing wrong; perhaps you should file reports saying that your female co-workers actions make you uncomfortable.

Newo92 · 2011-02-06T20:34:26+00:00

I'm probably going to get downvoted off the internet for saying this but I get the impression a lot of these situations are a bit more complex. I've worked retail selling mostly to new families (mothers and their kids are the number one customers). I say hi to most of the kids and sometimes give them a pen and notepad to fool around with while they're waiting for their parents.

I'm a guy, 19-year-old, and have NEVER been given a creepy look. No one has ever seemed turned off by me nor have they have complained. I don't think the issue in this situation is necessarily that you're a man and that you're an instant pedophile, moreso that however you approached saying hi was inappropriate, or poorly toned.

It's not what you say, most of the time. It's how you say it depending on who you're talking to. If hundreds of parents a week understand that I'm simply being friendly and a good person who wants nothing but to make sure their kids don't burst into a temper tantrum when their parents are shopping, what gives?

Bluelabel · 2011-02-06T20:48:57+00:00

Make a point of saying hi to every kid that comes through the store

2011-02-06T21:11:43+00:00

I would say exactly what you said here to your boss, and then quit.

Or maybe find a different job, then quit. You get the idea.

QuirrelMan · 2011-02-06T21:26:43+00:00

Jesus christ what the fuck is wrong with America nowadays. We have scared ourselves into stupidity.

dorei22 · 2011-02-06T22:05:12+00:00

She wrote you up for this? WTF

Sue. Shit has to stop.

TheCowMasta · 2011-02-06T22:10:43+00:00

join the army everyone treats everyone the same and u get a plus of not seeing kids very often

zootburt · 2011-02-06T21:13:50+00:00

There's got to be more to this story. I can't imagine just saying "hi" to a sack of flesh and nerves gets you reported. If not, find a new work place because your supervisor sounds like a cunt-rocket.

alfamale · 2011-02-06T21:26:20+00:00

Do you have any witnesses who overheard it?

2011-02-06T22:21:01+00:00

As a parent I always try to encourage my child to interact with anyone that engages with him.

Robstailey · 2011-02-06T23:58:40+00:00

this is the reason i ignore all children.

advicevice · 2011-02-07T00:22:38+00:00

Tell your boss false accusations make you feel even more uncomfortable and you are disappointed she didn't stand up for you. She automatically assumed the worst when you did nothing. Confront her about it and tell her you expect an apology from her. If she doesn't go over her head and write her up with her boss.

2011-02-07T01:08:37+00:00

Well it's sort of obvious. Only men can be pedophiles/perverts. No miscommunication there.

Oh and, I smiled at a baby that was laughing at me once while volunteering at a free clinic and it's mom gave me a shitface look. lol

2011-02-07T01:12:19+00:00

Are there any cameras in the store?

Should be able to show you weren't out of line.

If what you said or did was truly so "discomforting", surely reactions from other folks would have been evident.

Alanna · 2011-02-07T01:19:37+00:00

That's a shame. I have a six-month-old, cute as a button, that gets attention wherever we go. I love it when people talk to her or make faces at her; I want a well-socialized child. You didn't say anything out of line. We wonder why women under 25 think all men are rapists? This kind of attitude starts it. :(

RonaldFuckingPaul · 2011-02-07T01:28:58+00:00

simple, just keep doing the right thing and see where it leads you

2011-02-07T01:58:52+00:00

Sue like there's no tomorrow

Stythe · 2011-02-07T02:00:53+00:00

All it takes is the is a nice gesture directed at the wrong person. Then you're F*CKED!

AgentPea · 2011-02-07T02:20:20+00:00

It's a shame this happened. I'm a mom of a young child so people approach me constantly. Only once have I ever been freaked out by someone (and yes, it was a male) because he kept following me throughout target. Aside from that, I try to be really understanding. To many people, kids are irresistible. They're freakin cute or hysterically honest. The thing that bothers me most is the paranoid children these parents are raising. It's not healthy and as terrified as I can sometimes be for my child, I will never allow him to become a stranger-danger freakazoid. Instead, I will raise him to be aware of what's ok and what's not and how to handle a situation should it arise. I can't stand the thought of our society becoming even more anti-social because we're all so afraid of each other. It's so very sad. Keep saying hi and know all moms aren't like this. Some of appreciate your friendliness and willingness to keep actual communication open. Our children benefit from you. Not everyone is out to get the kids, we just have to stop thinking that. Instead we prepare them and let them go.

knowless · 2011-02-07T02:31:48+00:00

the fact that you were chastised by a manager for doing something that any kind person would do reeks of institutional sexism. forcing you to change your demeanor because of their derogatory understanding of your natural state..

the child is a person, and deserves your respect and acknowledgment as much as the mother/customer.

what is their solution? ignore babies? disregard them? help to teach them that everyone is an evil predator out to snatch them?

teach the children to fear everyone, so that they can be better manipulated by unrealistic fears.

eins · 2011-02-07T02:38:04+00:00

that's pretty bad...especially that your supervisor is angry. she should have more sense...

rachoac · 2011-02-07T02:47:51+00:00

time to find a different place to work.

2011-02-07T02:55:53+00:00

it's bullshit yeah and you could technically sue for sexism but i'm not that kind of person. the thing that sucks the most is you said hey to the one kid who's mom is a total bitch chalk it up to bad luck

rodneyws1977 · 2011-02-07T02:56:30+00:00

I think all men should have vasectomies and in 20 years there won't be any kids left to protect. At that point we can all have our freedom(s) back.

p_rex · 2011-02-07T02:57:54+00:00

This pedophile hysteria is way out of control.

RichAwesome · 2011-02-07T03:09:17+00:00

well maybe if you weren't such a pedophile....

lUseToLikeDogFort · 2011-02-07T03:17:48+00:00

This is clearly discrimination. If they reprimand you and no females, this can't be legal.

eStonez · 2011-02-07T03:18:32+00:00

dude .. I'm speechless .. that's real fuckup system and mindset. I was from 3rd world country, we have child-abuse/pedophile cases too .. maybe same rate as 1st world .. but we don't look all male as pedo-wanna-be. I can safely say hi and wave my hand to any kid.

If a kid seems lost and crying in the middle of mall .. I can safely initiate myself and talk to the kid, if the kid is willing I can hold his/her hand and help them look for their mom/dad/guardian or mall security and police. You can do this all the time .. without being looked as creep.

Now I moved to developed country, kids here didn't get much hug/smile from other people .. especially from males. Kids see male strangers as stone hard face dudes .. who ignore them to eternity.

Babies/Kids are human too. They still don't have this fuckup mindset yet. Most of the kids smile to anyone they see .. that's human nature. Kids from my country get smiled back from adults around but kids here get ignored most of the time.

And similar things happening to old people too. Half the people on train/bus don't bother them anymore ..

I_am_the_Walrus · 2011-02-07T03:22:09+00:00

I was walking in a park earlier today with my boyfriend when we passed a woman on the phone with someone whom I assume either worked for the park or for the police, because she was reporting a guy she had seen with a little girl that just gave her "bad vibes." Meanwhile, the child SHE was with looked rather bored/embarrassed. We didn't quite make it out of the "awkward zone" of staying silent in parks before we started laughing.

2011-02-07T03:38:38+00:00

If you look gay though you can talk to as many kids as you want without any repercussions. I think that is one of the few instances where the gays have it better.

Tralan · 2011-02-07T03:50:38+00:00

I'd go over your boss's head on this one. She didn't even hear your side of the story. That's plain unprofessional.

2011-02-07T03:56:22+00:00

I have to admit that a lot of the links I see under the men's rights subreddit are ones that I don't agree with, but this is an area where I think men really are discriminated against. I don't feel like I can even hug my little cousins without people thinking I'm a creep.

2011-02-07T04:04:25+00:00

It is a big deal. Fuck this 'every man is a rapist pedophile' bullshit! You can't get in trouble for talking to someone politely.

If you do fight it.

2011-02-07T04:18:47+00:00

That's gender discrimination. I think you shouldn't let this happen. Although it seems to me that in North America people sue and report others as soon as they get the chance. EDIT: you from north american rite?...

2011-02-07T04:32:53+00:00

The women might have complained in hopes of getting rid of you, so the manager would hire someone she knows. Or it could be the cashier that knew the customer, so they were in on it

Eurotrashie · 2011-02-07T04:35:01+00:00

Is there company policy on this subject? If there isn't, then you shouldn't have been written up. Needless to say, your boss does not use logical judgement - I oversee a division at a bank and I always look at it from the perspective if I was the employee. In this case you couldn't have known the customer was paranoid - your behavior was normal. If it is company policy, then ask why others were not written up.

SmallPotatoes · 2011-02-07T04:38:01+00:00

Bottom line: you need to seek work elsewhere.

I used to teach 1st through 12th grade and had constant contact with children on a daily basis. The female teachers thought it was wonderful for children, both boys and girls, to have a positive male role model. The way you're being treated at work is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

If what you're saying is entirely true then your supervisor is out to get you (or just doesn't like you).

I've been the only cock in the henhouse many a time without issue. If our supervisor has singled you out as an offender for behavior your opposite sex co-workers commonly exhibit then it's time to move on.

There is potential for things to end very badly i.e. with you being sent packing and your reference citing 'potential pedophile' as the reason.

nexp2 · 2011-02-07T04:46:41+00:00

That situation seriously sucks and clearly the woman was paranoid/overprotective. Have you tried sitting down with your supervisor and explaining that you were just being friendly to a baby who in fact engaged you first? Hopefully your supervisor isn't a small-minded idiot and will understand that the woman simply misunderstood your intentions. There is no reason you should be written up for being nice...

2011-02-07T05:13:18+00:00

Last I checked "making someone uncomfortable" is not something you can be written up for assuming it wasn't blatantly creepy and intentional. If your company is big enough to have an HR dept I'd take it up with them, there's absolutely NO WAY that can stand if you contest it.

PinkyTheCat · 2011-02-07T05:54:54+00:00

Do you look like this? http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Wa0gzFH1lu8/SU016qgUnGI/AAAAAAAABlQ/jyLlRaSnPVc/s400/creeper.jpg ps... how do you put links into words?

tryout12 · 2011-02-07T05:59:23+00:00

Wow, all I know is that I would have been really pissed off and defended myself more. You rolling over makes you LOOK more guilty. Take a stand and say until policies about ALL Employees and kids change that you have every god damn right that the women do when interacting with kids.

2011-02-07T06:06:24+00:00

Did the woman refer to you as an "Unsub"?

direwolf47 · 2011-02-07T06:09:07+00:00

the world has turned into overprotective pussies raising oversensitive pussies.

RedLeader7 · 2011-02-07T07:21:36+00:00

I'd pressure your manager into telling you exactly what you did wrong. If verbal communication is wrong, perhaps this customer should not venture out in public.

2011-02-07T11:58:22+00:00

Men's Rights Referee throws flag TWEEEEEEET. Turns on mic We have intentional bullshittery on Haximalion to induce butthurtery by the men of this forum. 15 yards, and forfeiture of down. Play ball!

evileddy · 2011-02-07T14:41:41+00:00

The number one cause of pedophilia is sexy children.

2011-02-07T15:02:30+00:00

Take this opportunity to start rehearsing an explanation. Explain yourself and your actions and why you think it was entirely acceptable, because it is. If the next person who gets mad at you for it doesn't understand? Get up and walk away without saying a single damn thing.

Edit: Also, report your supervisor so the higher ups and explain yourself and why you think you were treated unfairly and wrongly. This needs to start somewhere, it might as well be where you frequent. At least it won't happen again, if you do get reported I mean.

Yospeck · 2011-02-07T15:12:12+00:00

Sexual discrimination at work. Sue. Tis the American way and will give your employer a big F-U for being a douché and make a big deal out of it instead of pandering to some asshole customer.

terdfergussen · 2011-02-07T16:19:57+00:00

i hope you didn't sign the write up. you should also have written why you disagreed with it on the form. that way they can't fire you down the road for it.

MythMaker · 2011-02-07T16:36:52+00:00

Wurn the witch (replace all W's with B's)

highTrolla · 2011-02-07T17:32:47+00:00

I was an asst. teacher in a first grade classroom. And even though no one seemed to mind, I would always get really nervous when the kids would try to give me hugs or w/e, because of stories like this. Society is fucked.

mean0dean0 · 2011-02-09T01:28:12+00:00

Couldn't you tell what was going to happen? You did something we evil, rapist, sexist bigoted pigs aren't ever supposed to do--TALK TO CHILDREN. Why, we should just be shot on sight for even considering such a wicked, terrible thing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to pick up my 8 year old son--he's just getting finished masturbating his 45-year old female teacher. Poor old gal--you know they gave her a whole 5 day suspension just because she would give treats to good little 8, 9, and 10 year old boys who would give her the best massages? I'm glad she's still around to teach my son.

In case you couldn't understand, /horriblefuckingreality sarcasm

2011-02-06T21:45:13+00:00

Suing is not a good idea. You'll spend a lot of money on lawyers and court costs etc, and it's your word against the store's management. They can say that the complaint contained a whole bunch of inappropriate things that never happened. Maybe you 'leered' at them aswell. If they can get the child as a witness and tell them what to say, you won't be worrying about "free money", you'll be worrying about jail time if they launch a criminal case.

I do agree we need to do something to stop society from slipping even more sexist, but I don't think getting litigious is it. Sorry America, I know thats your favorite pastime.

Trololololololoer · 2011-02-06T22:06:10+00:00

USA - The land of the free, where you can't talk to children if you don't wanna go to jail.

Mortar158 · 2011-02-06T22:43:03+00:00

Sue the fuck out of the woman who reported you for slander and gender discrimination. Take that woman to court. She needs to have her life ruined.

deadcat · 2011-02-06T22:13:20+00:00

Staff at my local store (both male and female) say hi to my toddler all the time. They make silly faces at him too. Your country is fucked.

turd_loaf · 2011-02-06T22:28:09+00:00

Sue like a bastard.

2011-02-06T22:47:24+00:00

This is unfair. And pretty lame. Stereotypes to blame I guess, and I guess there's simply an innate fear of men with children from a females' perspective. Something primal that probably dates way back. Not saying it's right, but smeh. It's the whole 'women don't rape men' type anomaly I suppose, a weird societal view.

Vitamin-J · 2011-02-06T22:54:35+00:00

That's fucking bullshit. The problem is these days with everything on the news a lot of mothers have bad ideas in their head... and often negative misconceptions about strangers. It's not right but it's the way it is. Also, that woman sounds like a cunt, that's bullshit. I'd be infuriated.

Democritus477 · 2011-02-06T23:37:01+00:00

Were you neatly dressed, clean-cut, etc..? It makes a pretty big difference in how people perceive you at first.

leedo8 · 2011-02-07T03:36:00+00:00

There is a chance you just might be creepy. Just saying.....

EDIT: Like this

Ashe_Faelsdon · 2011-02-07T08:54:07+00:00

the stigma that is attached to men being appreciative or attentive of children is grotesque... please do not let this stop you from interacting with children... they are all too afraid of men, via programming of media and (stupid) parental units... it's not as though most, much less all, children are abused... and those kids love interacting with adult men... if only because it doesn't occur often... give them a good role model...

Joeclean1205 · 2011-02-06T22:21:49+00:00

Do you look like a creep? Not trolling, just wondering why this blew up on you.
Never had it happen to me and I am pretty friendly with everyone I interact with. Now I will be second guessing myself.

big99bird · 2011-02-06T20:05:35+00:00

Maybe you look really creepy

bsd300d · 2011-02-06T22:14:57+00:00

I would find out where that cunt lives and really fuck her life up. But that's just my personality.

TicTokCroc · 2011-02-06T23:20:11+00:00

Anytime I read these posts I can't help but think either the OP is lying to promote Men's Rights propaganda or did something really creepy and is trying to overcompensate by playing the victim.

And if it did really happen, did you say hi to the kids the way you do with pretty girls - all sweaty and nervous, drooling like a mongoloid? Those pretty girls grow up to be moms and if they thought you were creepy before, they're really not going to like it when you act that way with their kids. Try not saying hi to pretty girls or children for a week and you'll find less people treating you like a pariah.

kingsway8605 · 2011-02-06T20:43:43+00:00

Men are sexually aggressive beings who scientists believe think about sex once every 7 seconds. Statistics say taking the few seconds to say hi means you either wanted to bone the kid or bone the mom, hence the mom feeling uncomfortable.

redditmobs · 2011-02-06T22:28:50+00:00

you forget to mention that YOU LOOK LIKE THIS! http://www.flickr.com/photos/kylemacdonald/65675939 DUM DUM DUMMM

kronso · 2011-02-07T00:19:32+00:00

You need to get a job with a male supervisor.

scooooot · 2011-02-07T03:25:36+00:00

I don't understand this. I talk to kids all the time (at work, and when I'm out shopping in public) and I've never once had anyone even give me a sideways glance, much less accuse me of being creepy or a pedo. I just have a lot of trouble believing that every mother in America is assuming that every man that talks to her child is a pedo.

Have you thought of asking the people in your life that you trust for an honest assessment of your behavior and body language in public? Its possible that you are carrying yourself in a way that can be perceived as unsettling to a parent.

And before I get dog-piled, I'm not suggesting that this is your fault because ts not (And I hope you didn't sign that write up, I'm not sure its legal) however we should always be aware of how we are perceived by other people.

everydayevil · 2011-02-07T04:08:20+00:00

The thing is we have no context... so no one here can say anything about the legitimacy of the write up. Sure OP says he just said hi and that sounds pretty harmless. However there is far more to communication than the words we say.

Perhaps his body language or tone said "pedobear". (not that i'm saying you are OP) "uncomfortable" is far too subject to the personal lens effect.

There is no legal case. All the store has to show is that they got a customer complaint. That is an unaffiliated third party complaint, and I guarantee that the job description includes something about creating positive customer experience.

I don't know if the customer overreacted or if OP needs to take a good hard look at himself in the mirror and figure out how not to creep out strangers. Either way...

skip the lawyer, and hit the gym, post your GF on gonewild

athnyha · 2011-02-07T04:29:18+00:00

maybe you're a creepy fuckin dude?

2011-02-07T05:02:47+00:00

YOU PERVERT !!!

thiscloseitellya · 2011-02-07T14:30:52+00:00

This is only unfair if OP doesn't have a creepy pedophile mustache. Just saying.

Liverotto · 2011-02-06T20:51:14+00:00

"made her uncomfortable"

You guys always look at this in a sexual way but I think this poor woman felt uncomfortable simply because she felt inadequate as a single mother, and a male figure smiling at her kid made her very "uncomfortable".

2011-02-06T20:17:15+00:00

maybe you just look like a creeper

skooma714 · 2011-02-07T01:22:53+00:00

Meh, what do you expect from women?

Every guy is trying to rape them or worse, ask them out.

2011-02-07T03:57:54+00:00

Honestly, this is so perverse I'm actually incredulous. Very hard to believe...

Lonnigan · 2011-02-07T06:02:17+00:00

It's quite telling that you're upset if you supposedly did nothing wrong. They were right in reporting you.

HarryCarnce · 2011-02-06T23:00:49+00:00

you can't change the way that people think. this has nothing to do with rights.

knowless · 2011-02-07T03:17:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

trackerbishop · 2011-02-06T20:58:52+00:00

Creeper!!!

Title	Female Coworkers Chat With Kids Frequently Every Day; I Say "Hi" to a Woman's Kid Once and Get Reported
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	594
Comments	474
Date	February 6, 2011 6:32 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/fgdid/female_coworkers_chat_with_kids_frequently_every/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/female-coworkers-chat-with-kids-frequently-every.1043443 https://theredarchive.com/post/1043443

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