what's your advice for a below-average male who has tried self-improvement but found little success?

nvkr_ · 2022-01-18T17:10:40+00:00

Does your uncle have an active social life, gets invited to parties or gatherings and goes frequently out with his friends? Does he have some sort of passion, like any activity he’s exceptionally good at and enjoys doing?

TomorrowsWar · 2022-01-18T17:20:04+00:00

The best thing to do is to look your best and develop a good social life

nick1812216 · 2022-01-19T00:06:53+00:00

I’m 28, and it’s a red flag. I have been rejected because I haven’t had a gf before.

friendofoldman · 2022-01-18T19:48:19+00:00

Not sure this is something new.

I know a guy that was a friend of my parents. He as far as I’m aware was never married. My dad claimed he was just too focused on money to waste it on women.

Last time I saw him was my moms funeral. But he seems happy enough. Just focused on working and making money.

Today I’d assume people would assume he’s gay, but I think he may have been asexual. Or perhaps being in a war screwed him up. He was a Korean era vet, but I’m not sure he had any front line service as he was a diesel mechanic.

NarniaFox · 2022-01-18T17:11:55+00:00

It's very hard to give any advice for a person in a vacuum. Each case is different and I doubt that there's any universal detailed advice that would work for everyone besides "learn to be okay on your own and try to find content and happiness in things besides dating". Also "spend your time on developing deep and meaningful relationships with people outside of romantic context".

Personally I don't really know a man who has issues with dating for no particular reason. They might look perfectly okay at first, but the more you hang out with them, the clearer you see why they struggle whether these reasons are internal, external or a mix of them.

Complete-Temporary-6 · 2022-01-18T19:36:25+00:00

Literally stop caring about having women in your life. I actively avoid women in my physical presence and they still find a way to try and harass me.

nikki1810 · 2022-01-19T00:22:57+00:00

Does he want female attention tho? Its sounds like your worried for him, but does he care if he is single in his 50s, or even suggested that it's something he is concerned about.

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-01-18T17:11:45+00:00

I think each case is different from person to person. If someone is single for years that would be a red flag for me. If someone is single, but they are out of a relationship recently that’s something different.

I would also be interested to know what were the results of attempting self improvement. And results don’t have to do with how many women you attract. Did the self improvement strategies improve who you were as individual? If you went to the gym, did you lose weight/ gain muscle? How did he attempt to socialize, what was the outcome of that?

I think sometimes the problem needs to be isolated. I’ve seen guys post on Reddit who claim to be ugly and not be able to get women. Then I see the guy and he looks good, then i see some of his comments and I understand why he is unable to get women. I think a lot of men are not self aware of how they appear when they interact with people.

I think the point to give up is when a man is tired of trying.

poppy_blu · 2022-01-18T18:39:31+00:00

Adjust his expectations. That could be anything from date women who aren’t your preferred type or level of attractiveness to look for arraignment type set ups (foreign girls, sugar babies, etc) to visit sex workers.

Or Opt out.

Those are the 3 choices (up your game, adjust your expectations or opt out) for every person who walks this earth.

Some of you need to come to terms with the fact that you will never date a hot woman without paying for it. Just accept it.

gimpgirl555 · 2022-01-18T20:10:55+00:00

Once you reach your forties, if you were single I assume that's a pretty big red fly for most women. At this point, does going mgtow make sense? Or just simply giving up? What would be your advice to a person in this predicament?

Go to Asia/South America and be a Chad. Never marry. Only date women 18-25.

It's only in the West that a 40 year old guy, that's not married and has a job, isn't high value. In most of the world that guy is a total catch.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-01-18T23:09:49+00:00

Settle for a divorced single mother.

Or opt out of the rat race by choosing not to participate.

Willow-girl · 2022-01-19T04:41:34+00:00

Meeting a soulmate is often a byproduct of living a lifestyle that you're passionate about.

livs4dietdrpepper · 2022-01-18T23:38:05+00:00

I mean I am a firm believer that love is an important part of life but not necessarily romantic love

I’d lean into family love, friend love, coworker love, hobby love, nature love, pets love, self love

Someone will come along or they won’t, doesn’t mean your life can’t be fulfilling anyway

At least this is what I tell myself

houstongradengineer · 2022-01-18T17:15:36+00:00

He wasn't getting interest for women... for free? This isn't surprising. Well, I might advise showing a little interest himself. Game- and not negging or PUA bullshit, just being a man- works wonders in some cases. Also, what do you mean he "tried" working out? Did he physically show any signs of improvement at all? Is he socializing only with Stacy's? When you say "below average," what does he really look like, and can any of it be improved? It all depends on his personal situation. Sometimes MGTOW isn't the worst thing in the world, either. I'd have to know a man to give advice. It's not like there's one thing and one thing only that has to be set right in order to have a good relationship.

For what it's worth, some women at that age will be hanging around at bars and usually they aren't inexperienced enough to be pent-up prudes like I am. My uncle did pretty decently well I think just by going around at bars and casinos, but idk if that's the kind of woman you're uncle would be interested in entertaining at all.

sarkington · 2022-01-18T18:25:31+00:00

Once he gives up he’ll probably find some divorcee who wants to be the special lady to heal his bruised and cantankerous (but NOT bitter and truly angry) heart….which is gold underneath it all, right ?

She probably won’t be hot though

ubuntuuuuu · 2022-01-18T19:20:44+00:00

Well, if I was forty and single I don't think I would give your uncle a chance if he has never been in a relationship. I think it's a major red flag, shows that something is probably wrong with him. But it's just me.

I guess that focusing on himself and his hobbies would be the best solution. Maybe he will meet someone "by accident" while hiking or traveling to Hungary, or doing whatever he likes to do.

Bendetto4 · 2022-01-18T23:21:56+00:00

If your motivation for getting in shape, quitting smoking, building a career etc is that you'll be able to pull attractive women/get a relationship with an attractive women. Then you are doing those things for the wrong reason.

The motivation has to be for yourself. You need to learn to love yourself. Remove women entirely from the picture, and learn to love yourself.

Quitting smoking is a massive thing, and he should be massively proud of that.

Being fit and healthy at his age is a massive plus and honestly so many men wish they could be fit and healthy at 40 but fall into beer bellies and wasting away in an office.

Having a stable income and a good job is another win. Many people go their entire lives without having disposable income, and I fully expect generation rent will struggle to ever achieve that level of finacial security.

He should be content with what he has, keep doing it for his own benefit. If he never finds a women, that's too bad, but it's a loss for the women not for him. All he can do is keep fit, keep working hard, keep healthy and keep socialising. He could consider travelling if he has got the disposable income. I met a guy while on holiday who had a good job in the tech sector in his late 30s, not the most attractive guy, but nice enough. He becomes a lot more attractive when he starts telling stories of his travels and adventures!

Life is what you make of it. He's seeing that he is without a women in his life. When he should be focusing on all the positives.

Now if you excuse me, I have to cry myself to sleep because I'm so fucking alone.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-01-18T17:54:13+00:00

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vivvienne · 2022-01-18T21:00:26+00:00

I'd start with, does he interact with people in non dating situations as a part of his routine? For example taking up an appropriate sport and making friends who are either single or may introduce him to someone they know. My next question would be whether he's located in an area in which he'd meet single people of his age. If yes to both I'd ask about his interactions and conversations.

I hang out with people much older than him and if there's anything I've learned old people don't have trouble finding partners once their kids are off to college.

Circ-Le-Jerk · 2022-01-19T01:47:11+00:00

95% of the time it's your energy.I see it all the time. Usually the guy just doesn't have game and only knows how to give off friend energy, or the dude is so forward that it's awkward. Usually the guy is either just too nice and needy, or kind of goofy.

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-01-18T17:29:29+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-01-18T18:13:48+00:00

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TodTheRod01 · 2022-01-18T21:11:07+00:00

Has he had relationships before? Or single entire life?

pearllovespink · 2022-01-18T22:01:50+00:00

You need to form a bigger social network. What you might think is an improvement might be a fail. Ask a woman for advice on appearance. Sometimes subtle changes can make a difference.

DXBrigade · 2022-01-18T22:09:13+00:00

Join a matrimonial agency or get a dating coach.

BlockedAgainIGuess · 2022-01-18T22:29:57+00:00

You think there’s an age where you stop trying to improve? Just keep doing that. Even if you’re married. That’s the whole point of life

DeJuanBallard · 2022-01-18T23:07:37+00:00

Give up, works for the majority of us.

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2022-01-18T23:28:01+00:00

I think some people are just doomed by matters out of their control tbh

divingrose77101 · 2022-01-19T00:03:45+00:00

I only date single men in their 40s but they need to be kind, funny, and fit.

sex_is_dirty · 2022-01-19T00:07:42+00:00

I assume unk is ugly/short.

From my observation, their simply aren't that many venues for 40yo guys to meet women, and the 40+ women that are still single don't seem particularly interested in meeting guys.

There is a meme that 80+ guys in nursing homes have multiple ladies pursuing them irregardless of any other factors than that they are still alive and have a y chromosome. How many men are going to want to do it in their eighth decade with a bunch of grannies? Like it or not, since human life is finite, there's a time for things to happen.

neetykeeno · 2022-01-19T00:17:43+00:00

Well there's things that are part of looking for a wife that are also part of having a good life alone. He should absolutely continue to do those particular things. And there is nothing wrong with broadly taking up the mindset that going his own way is what he needs to concentrate on while also maintaining the emotional flexibility to pivot if better opportunities present.

hermetickingdom3 · 2022-01-19T01:09:21+00:00

Your chances are lower but not zero. It depends on how badly you want a somewhat decent or even hot woman.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2022-01-19T01:12:00+00:00

It might be over. Focus on your career/business, try and keep active. Live out your remaining days as best as possible. Fixating on something with slim odds of success may be detrimental to your mental health. Make a last investment in a sarcopod

2022-01-19T01:36:01+00:00

He could travel. Woman are attracted to different types of men around the world. The vast majority of western women are . On the other hand tradition women like men who can provide traditional values. Wealth, security, safety, ect.

tequila-shot-no-lime · 2022-01-19T03:20:36+00:00

As a younger women who likes older men and knowing many women who like men that age I’ll say this if he never can get a woman he’s probably got some inner stuff that needs working on and he should go to therapy.

Meneltarmar · 2022-01-19T03:45:07+00:00

I think that, when we fail as men to be attractive to women, we shall find the best next option: become gay, if we are kind of bisexual, or just find peace with being single forever.

Both of those things can be harder than living after finding a special person, but beside that, they are achievable and noble goals that even society admires.

TheElusivePeacock · 2022-01-19T05:37:11+00:00

Just do something else? There’s tons more to life than a romantic life and getting laid. Like a ton more. Everyone is not going to get every experience in life. That’s life and that’s ok. I’ll never know what it’s like to be a millionaire. Cool. I’ll enjoy the decent money I do make and enjoy other aspects of life.

spunkystoic · 2022-01-19T15:53:27+00:00

(1) see sexworkers (2) realise there's more to life than dating (3) ???? (4) profit.

PutthegundownRobby · 2022-01-19T19:30:20+00:00

If you quit your chances of success are 0.

figuringMylife · 2022-01-20T01:48:34+00:00

anyone can date if they want to. one thing TRP does right is the whole frame/looksmatch stuff. find his frame, become more social, find a looksmatch, and he will be fine.

throwawayacc1347 · 2022-01-20T07:11:51+00:00

women are the last people you want to be posing this question to. "empathetic gender" my ass

NewWayNow · 2022-01-18T21:22:57+00:00

In what way(s) is he below average? In our 40s, men generally have a lot of options and women's standards for looks and money seem to decrease, as long as you're willing to commit to a relationship.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-01-19T01:40:19+00:00

This is like asking the fish to tell the fisherman how to catch fish.

Title	what's your advice for a below-average male who has tried self-improvement but found little success?
Author	CardiBanks24
Upvotes	72
Comments	209
Date	January 18, 2022 5:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s725lz/whats_your_advice_for_a_belowaverage_male_who_has/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-your-advice-for-a-below-average-male-who-has.1096878 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096878

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