Heartbreaking. Wife wants to spend time with lv hubby v-day weekend, gets ignored. He admits he’s trash but doesn’t want her with another man

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-02-14T17:23:50+00:00

This was me a few years ago. He's checked out, doesn't care about her, emotionally unavailable, but knows he benefits from stringing her along. All while he's expecting her to remain emotionally and sexually available while performing wife duties. You can't make someone check back in after they've checked themselves out. I hope she leaves him soon and realizes how draining this dynamic really is.

VesperLynd- · 2022-02-14T17:21:33+00:00

He is so smug and sure than she’ll never run away that he even admits to her she deserves someone better. He doesn’t give a shit and he knows he doesn’t have to. God this is depressing. Also a subtle manipulation tactic („wah wah you’re so amazing and I’m sooo bad, why are you even with me wah wah, comfort me NOW“). I hope she gets out

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2022-02-14T17:21:20+00:00

This fucking sucks. Why get married just to be alone?

gcthwy · 2022-02-14T18:06:27+00:00

He doesn’t respect her BECAUSE she’s with him. He knows how worthless and undeserving of her he is, and she devalues herself in his eyes by being with him.

queenofswordsxxx · 2022-02-14T18:02:44+00:00

Has she tried cOmMuNiCaTiNg mOrE or tHeRaPy??

Patsy_Stone_darling · 2022-02-14T17:16:49+00:00

Oh honey, the only thing he deserves is changed locks and divorce papers.

He can go sleep at mommy's house.

bookworm1896 · 2022-02-14T17:53:19+00:00

The kids are with their grandparents and he uses all his time to meet friends and visit his mother, while cancelling their dates? She should have divorced him a few years back. That's so sad.

spinsterchachkies · 2022-02-14T17:54:12+00:00

Damn. She just wants to be loved. That’s it dude. Wtf

juliana_san · 2022-02-14T17:12:32+00:00

I also wanna say while I know we have to heavily discourage pickme behavior (the willingness for an open relationship ), in this instance I just feel so, so sad for her. Her pain and desperation comes through in this post and I just want to give this poor woman a hug.

No-Village-3946 · 2022-02-14T18:25:34+00:00

Well, at least he's not cheating rofl (which she doesn't even fully know; he could be messaging women or watching porn or meeting women on the golf course because his buddies don't owe you shit). He just doesn't care about his wife at all, which is *so much better* than cheating. Ate at mommy's, fun with the buds, drop off flowers so he won't get yelled at, nap time, he's just living his life. Imagine having to open up a marriage that is supposed to be between 2 people only for all of eternity because your husband would rather play golf than breathe the same air as you on Valentine's Day. Imagine getting married, thinking you have a partner for life, a Valentine's Day date for the rest of time, and having to enter today's dating scene *while married.* What a nightmare. By the way, he doesn't think you deserve better. That bullshit where men mumble "you deserve better than me/I don't deserve you/ IDK why you're with me" is just that- bullshit. It's his sick way of rejecting you in a fake self-deprecating way that makes you feel bad for HIM and feel guilty for wanting more out of the relationship. It enables him to avoid accountability for his role in your pain. If he truly thought you deserved better and thought so highly of you, he would have never, ever treated you like shit in the first place. It would not have crossed his mind to do so. He thinks you deserve the treatment you get from him, that's why he's dishing it out! Wake up and face reality. Stop lying to yourself. Divorce him and move on from this sad shit.

cryptohobo · 2022-02-14T18:59:00+00:00

I hope every woman who feels lonely in her relationship finds the courage to walk away. One of the biggest fallacies I ever fell for in life was thinking that I’m lonely. When you have healthy relationships with yourself and others you eradicate loneliness.

thewetdog_ · 2022-02-14T17:56:58+00:00

He is absolutely cheating, just at his moms house and his bros are covering.

When he says she deserves someone better and doesn’t know why she’s still around, he’s actually telling her to go ahead and leave.

apple_cores · 2022-02-14T18:29:53+00:00

I’ve seen so many people in this situation. Men like this just shouldn’t get married. Plenty of folks will say therapy but it would just be her initiating that/forcing it. If he’s not choosing on his own to go to therapy he doesn’t care enough. He won’t change. It’s so hard for people to change and the older they get the less likely it is.

Ok-Yogurtcloset3467 · 2022-02-14T18:55:04+00:00

Breaks my heart to see so many women in relationships and so alone. You'd feel more loved if you were single than if you were waiting for a LVM to love you back.

Also this isn't a case of whether or not he loves her. He doesn't respect her and that's what it usually comes down to

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-02-14T19:21:27+00:00

Scrotes talk about women asking for “open relationships” aLl tHe tImE but I feel like the times I’ve seen it mentioned by a woman it’s because her emotional needs aren’t being met.

He even admits she deserves someone better!!! She should take that as a clue and bail. That poor woman.

jenna_grows · 2022-02-14T18:41:26+00:00

This is my greatest fear.

We all focus on different things when vetting, and this is what I focus on.

vforvendetta87 · 2022-02-14T18:56:23+00:00

God damn I felt this.

NEVER again.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2022-02-14T20:12:45+00:00

‘’He says I’m an amazing wife and deserve someone better’’

When someone tells you who they are, trust them. No need to communicate the previously communicated communication. Time to move one.

MsWriteNow07 · 2022-02-14T23:09:28+00:00

My married boss told us that her husband doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day when a coworker asked her what she was going to do tonight. I would much rather be single than to be embarrassed and lonely like this

Novemberinthechair · 2022-02-14T22:53:39+00:00

He's probably cheating or thinking about it, but he needs his emotional support animal at home and isolated. He doesn't want to share his resources.

bleda_princezna · 2022-02-14T21:08:42+00:00

Oh my god, poor woman. OP, can you introduce her to this sub? She must be in so much pain.

Squidwrd_Tortellini · 2022-02-14T21:05:59+00:00

Read OP's replies in the comments. its SO MUCH worse than just what is in the post text.

asupernova91 · 2022-02-15T00:53:41+00:00

Honey that man is not your husband, at best he’s a shitty roommate.

Fuckdoesithurt956 · 2022-02-15T06:34:16+00:00

This valentines post definitely insinuates an affair. Golf courses are usually attached to hotels/spas/restaurants etc so would be very easy to meet his girlfriend there and have a bro cover for him. Same goes for his moms.

Her comment history says that she works full time, studies full time and has 4 kids with this man. She does all the domestic duties like cleaning, paying bills etc. His only responsibility is to bring home a paycheck. She's asked for a divorce before but he refuses. He gets insecure when she goes outside because he thinks she'll meet someone better than him. This insecurity is tricking her into thinking he cares about her when all he actually cares about is how she benefits him.

She got loads of support but hopefully she acts upon it and claims some of her life back.

Meredeen · 2022-02-15T04:31:54+00:00

"I don't have feelings for my wife anymore but I don't want a divorce because I like the stuff she does for me."

Houston970 · 2022-02-14T20:03:56+00:00

“He says I’m an amazing wife and deserve someone better and doesn’t know why I’m with him” - well there’s the answer. She should go find someone better who deserves her. If you’re going to be lonely, then be lonely with the option to meet someone. Don’t be lonely in a relationship with someone who has no interest in making you feel less alone.

FDS_FullSupport · 2022-02-15T06:43:46+00:00

"I just want to be loved."

That's some sad shit, right there. What an absolutely useless bastard.

whatsonthetvthen · 2022-02-14T19:05:10+00:00

God. He told her who he is and she’s still hanging on. I don’t get it. Fucking bail. “You don’t know why I’m with you? Well frankly I don’t know why I’m with you either”.

Gremlin_Dog_Gizmo · 2022-02-14T20:13:18+00:00

I hope she finds FDS. I was in that place for Valentine’s Day last year. This year I’m happily single and don’t miss him at all. Don’t put up with a “partner” who makes you feel lonely.

Elena1684 · 2022-02-14T23:07:40+00:00

He’s cheating and the friends are covering for him. I hate that I know the signs now but I do. If you have to say he’s not cheating then he is.

albus247 · 2022-02-15T08:00:39+00:00

CAN WE RESCUE HER THIS IS SO SAD

aziza7 · 2022-02-14T20:40:10+00:00

She should start the emotional affair now whilst preparing to exit the marriage.

SnooPineapples8744 · 2022-02-14T22:03:45+00:00

Maybe he left his phone with a friend. Guys are smarter than they look sometimes.

Having had both experiences, being single is much better than feeling alone with someone.

Reasonable-Kitty · 2022-02-14T22:42:06+00:00

In addition to his shitty behavior, I also think that his mother doesn't support her. If a normal person heard that a man is married but spending Valentine's day with his mom they would immediately think there is something wrong with the marriage, without even hearing more details. His mother should realize him coming there is wrong.

If I were his mom and he came over on Valentine's day I would send him his merry way, he has no business being there. If he came another day I would ask him : 1. Why do you come here to eat instead of eating with your wife? (not meaning she should cook for him, but that they could cook together, eat out, or he could do something nice and cook for her) 2. If you came to eat here why didn't you bring her too? (Like she is married to him, isn't she part of the family? Why are they together while she is somewhere else, alone?)

Also, I think a grown man shouldn't be constantly eating at mommy's (I don't know if he does that, but I'm gonna guess he does). It is ok if it's Christmas or Thanksgiving, but not as a habit. He is an adult, he should cook for himself, or if he doesn't want to cook he should pay for it. Even if mom likes babying him, he should not accept it, because she already worked enough raising him to adulthood.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2022-02-15T11:50:22+00:00

No idea how the location thing works. But is it possible to go to a certain location, turn off location settings (or whatever it is), and then it would appear you are still at the original location? Just a thought because I know with Tinder and Bumble it wont update your location settings until you open the app.

Also, the pictures when he’s at golf or his friends talking about it - that means nothing.

And when it’s super OTT it could easily be them covering for him. It happens more than we think, bro code and all that.

highoncatnipbrownies · 2022-02-15T13:26:06+00:00

Make your own plans ladies. He's not going to make it a romantic holiday? Oh, whatever. Use it to as a self care holiday and romance yourself.

Buy your own gift, put on your favorite outfit and take yourself to dinner. Sit at the bar and flirt with the bartender. Have an extra drink with dessert and take an Uber back to your Airbnb.

arnezuara · 2022-02-15T16:31:25+00:00

“Went to his mom’s house for food… He was gone for a few hours… He came back home but said he ate too much and went to sleep…”

He IS cheating. If a man wants to cheat, he will cheat. No location tracking would help.

Late-Strategy1111 · 2022-02-14T19:45:08+00:00

I think (and know myself very well from experience) that this situation happens when a woman thinks she will not find anyone better, or simply … anyone, anymore, ever. I realized that this is a cognitive distortion (black and white thinking) that can be corrected by persistent and consistent rewiring of the thoughts. Also, we have to try to see this rationally: is it really possible that during the rest of our lives we will not meet anyone else?! It would be ridiculous to think this. So in the end what women need is a “click” in the head, but this comes with repetitive, consistent work on false thought patterns.

Worried-Image · 2022-02-15T10:44:17+00:00

This is so sad

jord3jordon · 2022-02-15T10:58:24+00:00

Her suggesting that they should have an open relationship was her first mistake. If he isn’t living up to the vows he swore to her and their families she should either look to possibly become a home maker, so she can match his schedule or, divorce. Honestly if she’s trying her hardest then I don’t see why she should suffer for his laziness.

Title	Heartbreaking. Wife wants to spend time with lv hubby v-day weekend, gets ignored. He admits he’s trash but doesn’t want her with another man
Author	juliana_san
Upvotes	682
Comments	86
Date	February 14, 2022 5:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ssfmyc/heartbreaking_wife_wants_to_spend_time_with_lv/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/heartbreaking-wife-wants-to-spend-time-with-lv.1102356 https://theredarchive.com/post/1102356

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