You will never be a high value man.

Every man can be a high value man if he would work hard enough.

False.

Let me paint you a simple truth of life:

Not every man can be a high value man. For men to be high value men, they are required to be contrasted by men that are of lower value. If every man would be a high value man, we would simply be: men.

Not every man can be a rich man. For a man to be rich, there need to be poorer men to contrast him. If every man was ‘rich’, no man was rich.

Not every man can be an attractive man. Attractiveness slides on a scale. There are attractive people, average people, and ugly people. If every man would be ‘attractive’, every man would be average.

Ok, as you can see, logically the concept of an attainable high value man for the masses does not make sense. But lets be real: it is hard to believe we will be part of the masses, is it not? We will make it, because we have what it takes. We are driven, no – obsessed. So let’s look at the feasibility from an individual perspective.

If I put you in a room with a hundred men, only one of them can be a ‘top one percent man’. You might think that you can be that man, but so do ten others. You might think that you got what it takes, but so do they. Who is to say who will be right? Perhaps you think you can be a ‘top 10 percent man’, but so do fifty others. Who is to say who will be right? Regardless of your feelings, the chances are anywhere between very and extremely slim when we talk about becoming a high value man. That is just simple statistics.

Culturally speaking, there are vast differences in opinions among countries between the influences of effort and luck on success. Some countries lean more towards effort, essentially stating that success is due to hard work and ambition. Others lean more towards luck, essentially stating that success is due to qualities that are outside of your influence such as intelligence, personality, disabilities and race. These are important beliefs, that lie at the very core of our political and social systems.

There would not be a country more fitting for a dialogue like the ‘high value man’ to arise, then the country of ‘the American dream’ [1]itself. The United States carries a culture deeply enrooted with the idea of success being achieved by effort. The dream means that every person in the United States could make it if they were willing to put the hours in. People love the idea of the self-made man, and men love the idea of the self-made high value man.

Yet, the majority American men are unemployed, or living pay-check to pay-check, or in debt, or working in regular ass mundane jobs. Are these men just simply lazy?

Half of the American men are below average intelligence. Roughly half of them are below average attractiveness. Then these men have preconditions to intelligence, personality (which includes conscientiousness and sensitivity to stress), race, gender, mental health, hormonal levels and potential medical issues. And let’s not forget the influence events while growing up, (lack of) support, trauma, connections. Is every one of these men inherently able to rise up as a top echelon man?

Depending on your opinions on luck and effort (and people definitely have opinions on this), the answer is: yes.

I do not. I believe people vastly overstate the influence of effort, and vastly understate the influence of luck on our individual success. Especially whilst looking at themselves.

From rags to riches, every self-made millionaire loves to pat himself on the back for the amazing feat he managed to accomplish, and as a society we tend to eat it up. Because in the case of success: we love exceptions, not rules. For every self-made millionaire who started in the ghetto, hundreds of others have never managed to climb out. For every successful artist, thousands failed. For every successful CEO, thousands did not make it to the top.

People win all due to their self-taught work ethic? Essentially, the rest is just lazy? They do not want it badly enough?

When we look at a 6’8’’ athletically gifted man, and we compare him to a 5’2” guy with the hand-eye coordination of Stevie Wonder, we do not find it difficult to believe that one has a higher chance of becoming a good basketballer then the other. Yet, when we look at less tangible aspects, such as your disposition towards conscientiousness (i.e. the quality of wishing to do one's work or duty well and thoroughly) or neuroticism (i.e. experience negative effects, including anger, anxiety, self‐consciousness, irritability, emotional instability, and depression), of which academics for years have shown the inherence and persistence of these dispositions – we shy away.

It is not my goal here to preach some form of determinism, and to tell every man to drop all responsibility and soak in the unfairness of life. Your life, at whatever stage that may be now, can better in the future of you continue to work on yourself. That is a fact.

What I am preaching, is that we step-away from these silly concepts such as the ‘high value man’ as ultimate attainable objectives of masculinity and happiness.

The point is, it should not matter. Happiness is not something reserved for a select percentage of men who are deemed to stand at the top of the hierarchy. The only thing that is holding you back there, is believing that it is not reserved for you yet.

You can become in a better shape: financially, romantically, physically, mentally, then you were before. You can live a life according to a set of principles. You can build loving and meaningful friendships and relationships, and be happy with all of it. You do not need three Lamborghini’s, two yachts and a harem of Instagram models to make your life complete.

We take some simple valuable lessons: take responsibility for your life, work hard, set boundaries, stay in shape, and then put them on steroids and act as if that is normal. Meanwhile we are preaching and profiteering this message, pretending to act in the best interest of our audience while practically acting in the best interest of ourselves, knowing that the message we provide is factually unattainable for the majority of our audience. A pyramid scheme, with a few people poppin’ Don Perignon’s on top, and the rest of the suckers getting wet.

Stay dry y’all, it is fine.

Johnny Joseph from Abundance & Aphrodisiacs

[1] I focus on the United States here, because of its deeply enrooted culture towards effort beliefs, and because many of the popular voices surrounding men’s self-improvement come out of the United States. But there are many other countries with similar or stronger predispositions towards effort beliefs. As are there many individuals within the United States who lean more towards luck beliefs.