Average men struggle to date because they haven't/aren't building lives any woman in her right mind would want to be a part of.

wtknight · 2022-10-21T11:12:09+00:00

Re-flaired CMV as this post is making an affirmative claim

No_Reflection_798 · 2022-10-21T03:47:41+00:00

When you imagine your average American woman; do you see someone who's in good shape, knows how to cook good, has at least 2 areas of expertise, has good habits and hygiene, is intelligent, funny, considerate, passionate about things in her life and has either worked or is working to give her loved ones the best life she can? Probably not.

ApplesauceThegod · 2022-10-21T03:52:10+00:00

Something that's crazy is that the advice I gave to other dudes and something to help me is to realize that literally girls our age are just as awkward stupid crazy broke and immature as we are but girls biggest advantages that they can be so many things that are unattractive but they have leverage because they are the ones who get to choose.

It's crazy because I went out on a date with a girl who said that she hated broke dudes but then hypocrisy is crazy because this girl was living in her car

And I don't think a lot of girls even realize this

That they are equally as trash as they perceive to be to men but they get a pass because they were born women and of course privileges are invisible to those who don't have it

NockerJoe · 2022-10-21T04:05:41+00:00

You sound like a young middle class or below woman who has never had to actually live that shit. There aren't exactly a wealth of careers where you can fuck off for weeks at a time but also take weeks of vacation with little to nobwarning and also afford a premium lifestyle.

Having grown up in one of the households where this actually happened the reality of it isn't that great. I could go days or even weeks without seeing one of my parents or the other since anything with that money or time allowance usually also has heavy crunch periods. The work was high stress enough to seriously impact my home life. When my parents got out of that lifestyle and I went to public school I would say my life improved tremendously even if I spent less time in cruise ships and fancy hotels.

Life isn't a tiktok compilation or Instagram profile. You have to actually live that shit. If you want a highly skilled husband who makes a lot of money you need to also accept a husband who'll be unavailable for extended periods or may meed to move frequently for work purposes, and accept that that travel may be the only meaningful time you get to spend with him for a large portion of the year.

I've seen more than one person post breakup cry "never again" after even just dating someone in my field or my last exes field because our schedules were so crazy and they couldn't deal with those ones either, and my passionate hobbies on top of that mean I'm also filling up a lot of Alone Time that doesn't get to be Relationship Time because I'm working out or painting. You take that deal at your own risk.

5_7pickup · 2022-10-21T04:26:24+00:00

This isn’t true at all. I was making 40k per MONTH in NYC, fit with visible muscle, educated with masters degree, solid white collar professional career and I struggled with dating. My struggles weren’t because I wasn’t living a good life, it was because I didn’t take actions in improving my dating life.

I do far better now with dating because I took immense action in improving my dating life. I make far less money than I did a year ago. I’m in worse shape because I rarely gym anymore.

Most men struggle with dating because they keep looking for indirect avenues of improving their dating life. They go to the gym 7 days a week. They take yoga/salsa/cooking/MMA classes. They focus on career and money. Don’t get me wrong, those things are great and makes you a much more well rounded person, but those are indirect avenues of attracting women. If you want to attract women, then learn the skill of attraction/seduction. Go directly to the source.

spinky_bum9451 · 2022-10-21T03:51:52+00:00

It's almost like women wait at the finish line and fuck the winners.

All Credit To Bill Burr

SolidPuzzleheaded984 · 2022-10-21T03:58:19+00:00

Or maybe because they aren’t very attractive?

Why would a girl pick an avg guy over a slightly more attractive guy that makes slightly more money?

I know so many dudes that are nice, interesting, make over 100k, have plenty of hobbies.

But they struggle badly because they are under 5’9 and not very attractive facially.

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2022-10-21T04:41:38+00:00

True story: the most (relatively speaking) success I ever had with women was in my early to mid 20s, think like 23-25 At that time I had dropped/failed out my college classes, was working shitty dead-end jobs, had no real ambition, and just wanted to drink on weekends and go to rock and metal concerts. It was a period in my life when I was objectively at my worst. Met the woman who became my ex wife at 26. Divorced at 35, which was in 2015. Now swipe apps had become mainstream and the dating scene was much different. Back when I was single before I had a MySpace page for a social media presence. No Instagram, TikTok, Bumble, Tinder, etc.

I've come so far in so many ways between now and then. I'm more ambitious, more motivated, more responsible, more stable. I didnt let myself go in the looks dept either and I routinely get people thinking I'm a good bit younger than I am. The only difference is I have had basically zero success trying to date since then. Apparently women preferred the loser version of me. It was wondering what the hell I was doing wrong that even led me to a place like this one online.

I remember thinking after the divorce "oh, well, surely if I put myself out there again it can't be that hard to meet somebody." Best I can manage now is a sardonic laugh. That's been my experience, can't speak for others.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-10-21T14:30:25+00:00

Disagree and agree. Guys need to build their empires but women today are also fucking delusional. 5s think they are entitled to a dude making $200K.

techr0nin · 2022-10-21T04:28:11+00:00

So basically your viewpoint boils down to the average man struggles because he’s average and live an average life, and women don’t want average guys. And your suggestion is that they become above-average.

…you do realize that that’s basically the entire premise of redpill right?

Just-Pie-5579 · 2022-10-21T05:06:08+00:00

I think the argument is that the average woman is not exactly someone who deserves more than an average man, whatever "deserves" means

GhostofCamus · 2022-10-21T10:05:11+00:00

This post would sound great from a shiny douchebag with a headset mic.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-10-21T20:24:28+00:00

The idea that men have to literally built their life around what women want just to find someone that loves them is bonkers. Moreover the fact that people don't see how bonkers this is is even more bonkers

cosimon88 · 2022-10-21T04:52:56+00:00

I am 34, have climbed mountains all over the world and was sponsored for such, make six figures, own two houses, have a ton of loyal friends, am 6’0’’. I can provide lifestyle, adventure, comfort.

I HAVE seen the world and am fit and all that.

Downsides: I’m bald.

The dating pool still feels like garbage sometimes.

trippingfingers · 2022-10-21T05:30:37+00:00

This is probably the closest i've seen a "why men struggle in dating" generalization get to being true. I think it only applies to a specific segment, which is not mentioned in the post, but it's in the right direction. Long-term desireability isn't about being "alpha" or "chad" or "9/10" or "wealthmaxxed" it's usually just about being an adult who has their shit together somewhat and has their own personality.

RottingVillain666 · 2022-10-21T07:20:00+00:00

It’s not like women are stuck in shitty retail job and have no ambitions themslves captain

AndyBrown65 · 2022-10-21T09:26:16+00:00

I disagree.

“Women are sex objects, men are success objects”

So dating is really easy for men who understand that women need constant praise, attention and to be made to feel they are the only girl in the room.

I put it to you that the natural control freak in an average woman wants to change a man, yet they want to stay the same. They want to brag to their girlfriends how much their BF adores them, makes them feel safe and how he does want they want.

Women don’t want men who scratch their balls, fart, belch and dress like a dag, and men don’t want prude women who are self centered.

A “average man” just needs to tell an average woman how beautiful she is just the way is and let her smarten up his pad or dress sense and the dating game is easy.

gate18 · 2022-10-21T10:21:01+00:00

what woman in her right mind would want to dedicate her life to someone with an existence like that?

Every single woman that has the same standards and world vie.

lectrohS_naisA · 2022-10-21T12:51:40+00:00

do you see someone who's in good shape, knows how to cook good, has at least 2 areas of expertise, has good habits and hygiene, is intelligent, funny, considerate, passionate about things in his life and has either worked or is working to give his loved ones the best life he can?

That isn't the average man. The average man is a wageslaving 9-5er who might be slightly overweight. That is the honest truth. Anyone above is is obviously above average.

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2022-10-21T13:26:02+00:00

do you see someone who's in good shape, knows how to cook good, has at least 2 areas of expertise, has good habits and hygiene, is intelligent, funny, considerate, passionate

Most girls don't really care about that stuff. Just be good looking and talk to girls like a normal human and you will do fine.

CosmicBioHazard · 2022-10-21T16:25:50+00:00

The guys I see around with attractive girlfriends are average as all hell. Usually when a guy who’s got anything going for him manages to date a woman, she’s got something wrong with her. Riddle me that

pan3639 · 2022-10-21T17:15:45+00:00

Now, what woman in her right mind would want to dedicate her life to someone with an existence like that?

They do this all the time when it's Chad.

MistyMaisel · 2022-10-21T18:23:26+00:00

I feel like I'm with you for the first paragraph, but after that, as a lady, you lose me.

My life is just as ruled by jobs and finances, I don't mind struggling through that with a man and having rare or stay-home vacations. It doesn't need to be a paradise pleasure cruise. I'm happy to struggle with the right guy to improve our lives or live at the same level of working-class.

But again, he's got to be the right guy and I agree with you, most men are the opposite of what you're saying in your first paragraph. It's impossible to imagine any domestic joy with them because you kind of know you're going to end up as their mother or bangmaid.

I've never wanted a rich man, in fact, I've turned a few away because all they had was money and money just isn't that fascinating to me. But, I do want a man, not some spongey emotionally weak charmless manchild who sees the height of discipline and accomplishment as managing to hold down a pretty good job and a few vague hobbies.

SeliciousSedicious · 2022-10-21T04:06:04+00:00

A lot of this applies to women too though so not sure what you’re getting at.

even if he can go somewhere he probably has to ask another man for permission

Ive never had to ask ‘another man’ for permission to go somewhere lmao.

hairy_bamboo · 2022-10-21T03:50:22+00:00

Sweaty, if you can't handle me at my lowest, you don't deserve me at my highest

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-10-21T04:17:34+00:00

OP, you sound kind of like an elitist.

Someone can't afford chemotherapy?

Yeah, it bankrupts most people.

Oh, kid got into Yale? Can't afford to pay $130k? Obviously not a real man.

Most people in my country (US) never reach 6 figures. I'm almost making that, but it's your attitude. Who would want someone who talks down to their spouse? Sign me up for that thankless tour of duty!

Give me a break, Helen of Troy.

blockboii190 · 2022-10-21T03:56:53+00:00

Tru red pill is ruining young men reality

Emet22 · 2022-10-21T03:51:08+00:00

I thought cooking was the womans job? I know how to cook very well, better than my mother as she tells me. I'd still prefer my wife to cook.

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alchemist10000 · 2022-10-21T07:29:08+00:00

🧢 all you need is to follow the two rules

midwesternMD · 2022-10-21T17:09:33+00:00

Shrug. I’m confident I check off all the boxes provided someone finds me attractive. That said, I am not average.

It is debatable whether I struggle to date. I might average one first date every 3-4 wks. Sometimes I go 6-8wks without a first date. And occasionally I have 2-3 first dates in a week. Hooking up is probably about 1/3 of those rough stats. That said, I’m still on the market, and by the metric of relationship seeking, I would argue that I am an abject failure.

My issue is that I find most women unattractive, and the few who I do find attractive presumably don’t feel the same about me.

My suspicion is that I struggle to date because I’m being passed over at first glance. I don’t think women should “settle,” but I do think they should reflect on whether their swipe behavior helps them find the men they really want vs the men who simply look they way they really want.

And similarly, I frequently reflect on whether my dating dealbreakers should remain fixed, or if compromising one (or more) of them would facilitate my finding a good partner.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-10-21T20:18:00+00:00

Ok now do vice versa.

jonascf · 2022-10-21T20:33:17+00:00

I live a life similar to what you describe but that hasn't been a problem.

I have two women in my life; one of them simply doesn't want many options, and the other one is more than capable of creating her own opportunities.

You don't have to be able to offer the world; it's enough if you're able to offer what the woman in question needs.

Title	Average men struggle to date because they haven't/aren't building lives any woman in her right mind would want to be a part of.
Author	Bedrocked
Upvotes	0
Comments	218
Date	October 21, 2022 3:44 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/y9iuit/average_men_struggle_to_date_because_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/average-men-struggle-to-date-because-they.1136255 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136255

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