Does giving women less attention work?

northernlights190 · 2022-12-14T06:42:51+00:00

Having one’s own life is generally an attractive quality. More importantly, it’s not healthy for anyone, male or female, to “stop everything you’re doing” for someone else, especially early in dating. So yes, you’re correct that you shouldn’t do that.

2022-12-14T06:48:28+00:00

Basically having your own life and other things going on besides her.

This is the default!! What!

JDWhiz96 · 2022-12-14T07:06:41+00:00

It works if she finds you attractive.

throwawaypasaspike · 2022-12-14T14:33:59+00:00

Self respect is what works.

If someone deliberately gives me "less attention" i lose interest. Seems childish and mind-gamey so they're probably immature and not ready for a relationship.

If a guy blows up your phone, is incredibly needy etc... It's not the attention that's off -putting, it's the lack of self respect, it seems desperate.

You have to respect yourself enough to give what you are getting in return. If both people are interested and putting in the same effort, you don't have to overthink it.

You have to respect your own time and needs and i appreciate when a guy looks after himself and then makes time for me around that, rather than him drop everything for me.

An example could be that as much as me and my boyfriend love our nights in together, he also loves the gym and that's something he cannot/should not give up for anyone. Same way that i will sometimes choose a self care day or reading a book over seeing him earlier on in the day.

techr0nin · 2022-12-14T10:16:09+00:00

It absolutely works — if you are attractive.

OkProfessional9405 · 2022-12-14T11:08:15+00:00

Does giving women less attention work?

Only if she is interested in you. If she's not interested, doubtful she will notice.

So if a woman is interested in going out with you don't stop everything you're doing just to be with her.

To me there's an attention spotlight of sexual energy you should be able to turn on and turn off. In general I keep the spotlight off because if a woman is not interested, it lands as creepy.

If you can learn to turn off the sexual heat, then you can just be polite and kind, but otherwise let the conversations fade (if there's even a conversation at all). Don't stand their smiling with a big grin, don't keep making small talk, just stay polite and keep it moving. I think women who are interested will then approach either by accidentally getting in your way or asking you questions (if interested) and you can pause, turn on the spotlight for a few seconds to reward their effort with a more connected response, then boom spotlights off, back to letting the convo die and keep it moving.

If you got something else going on stick to that and tell her you'll meet another time.

If she's to the point of wanting to meet, I think that's more of a fish-on moment. If the fish is on the line you need to reel it in.

gofigure62 · 2022-12-14T13:49:56+00:00

It works on some people. Usually those with anxious attachment, low-self esteem, women on the spectrum, and women with personality disorders.

Most people don't like being deprioritized. A mature person would question the change in behavior, attempt to have a conversation, and try to meet in the middle in regards to both parties getting the time that they need from one another. But If the new agreed measures weren't kept, then they'd move on.

The hot/cold, push/pull dynamic works with a very specific set of people. There are some people that are obsessed with it and naturally gravitate towards it because they expect and anticipate being abandoned or unworthy of consistent or regular interaction from loved ones.

Other people consider it unstable or wishy/washy behavior of someone uninterested or someone with emotional problems and attachment issues.

As per usual, know your audience. If you genuinely find someone that you like, get to know that person specifically. Don't play hot/cold with an emotionally stable and mature person, you will lose them.

Emotionally disturbed and disordered people will respond positively to disordered behavior since it's all that they know, what they're used to, what they've come to expect, or they simply have no bearing on what "normal" is.

avarciousRutabega99 · 2022-12-14T07:44:57+00:00

Nothing works. You cant control her. Find someone who likes you and stop bending over backwards.

suj1290 · 2022-12-14T08:10:00+00:00

Only if you are attractive

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-12-14T09:02:31+00:00

Giving too much attention can cause a pursuer-distancer dynamic.

0597ThrowRA · 2022-12-14T06:46:27+00:00

It goes both ways though. Secure individuals, whether man or woman, shouldn’t just drop their plan for someone. Exceptions of course, but within reason. I respect someone much more when they keep to their current plan and tell me they can meet a different time.

Ok-Map-7596 · 2022-12-14T07:15:30+00:00

Depends on how she feels about you. If she's not even interested she's not going to care or even notice.

pearllovespink · 2022-12-14T12:09:32+00:00

Absolute not. Women love attention. Not communicating after meeting a woman just signals that you’re either already taken, women/dating aren’t a priority, or you’re juggling multiple random women around. None of these things are positive and it’s an automatic turn off. I stop taking these men seriously really quickly and cutting ties is easy since we rarely communicated anyway. I have nothing to lose by letting you go.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-12-14T10:19:23+00:00

Why are you presenting this as some dating strategy rather than just being a normal functioning human being? It's not giving someone "less attention" to not devote your entire life to them. This is how most men (and women) actually do behave and it's good and healthy.

Anykindofland · 2022-12-14T10:59:13+00:00

Overall the dating market would increase when men stopped giving so much attention to women. Womens egos are inflated to the size of Jupiter.

Fancy-Respect8729 · 2022-12-14T09:00:28+00:00

Yes, keep own timetable and quit being so available.

CombinationUsed7938 · 2022-12-14T09:33:10+00:00

Not giving them too much attention works indeed, as giving too much of it ia obviously a bad thing.

That's actually an easy one, how would you feel about a very needy girl? Probably very annoyed.

2022-12-14T18:31:01+00:00

There's definitely a balance.

When men are too needy/clingy it puts pressure on me and at the back of my mind I think they're desperate for a reason.

If a guy is too aloof, I simply get bored and end up speaking to other guys. This has happened so many times I can't count.

It is very much the same with men.

Ass-a-holic · 2022-12-14T20:48:08+00:00

Not really. You can be the coolest guy in the world with a kickass life but you’ll still have to approach and give at least a little attention because majority of females are petrified of rejection

NockerJoe · 2022-12-14T06:47:18+00:00

Depends on the woman and situation. With some women if you give them less and they're already emotionally invested then I've seen it work. But if you're at that point you probablu don't need to.

sensusfidelium · 2022-12-14T06:40:33+00:00

what works best is giving attention then drawing away then giving attention again in cycles.

iT_I_Masta_Daco · 2022-12-14T09:55:02+00:00

Yes and no.

I'm more introverted by nature, so i tend not to talk to strangers that much.

I've had women tell me after some months/years that they though i was mysterious and interesting because i didn't chase them.

I've also had women tell me after months/years that they thought i was attractive and interesting, but just let it be, because i never gave any signals.of interest or hardly gave any attention.

_here_ok · 2022-12-14T13:00:40+00:00

It works on both sexes if they are addicted to you or what you provide to them. Think of it like this, a person is addicted to a drug. When they are without the drug they suffer from withdrawal and when they regain the drug they feel immense satisfaction. They can always learn to cope and live without the drug but many don't , some move on to a new one(making a new relationship) or get used to the drug not feeling the same highs possibly craving more but not wanting to leave their own supply.

Lyzard96 · 2022-12-14T15:14:16+00:00

I prefer when men talk to me first. I'm shy and literally don't have the balls to just walk up to a guy and say I like him. Please give me attention. I'm autistic af.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-12-14T16:19:13+00:00

Nothing is going to “work” if someone doesn’t like you, so the most important thing is to make sure they’re matching your energy for the most part and move on if not.

That being said, being too needy is a turnoff, the problem is just the fact that people have different ideas of what constitutes “too needy” or “too distant.” Generally speaking, I’d say it’s the best policy not to just immediately drop plans for someone you have just started seeing. For two reasons. The first being that having a life is attractive, the second, that if it doesn’t work out, you won’t be mad at yourself for pushing friends and family aside for this person, or at them for not being into you. Never move heaven and earth for someone you just met. But also don’t be so aloof that they think you’re not interested, and increase your investment as things get more serious.

All of this applies equally to women.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-12-14T19:50:33+00:00

Um no? Lol

If you give a woman no attention she won't know you're interested. You have to text her and communicate properly.

Being needy is bad. Being standoffish is bad. Like everything on this fuckin sub, your post has no nuance.

Goldilocks zone exists for communication frequency..

Personally I don't give a fuck, I'll text the girl all hours of the day and if she thinks that makes me needy ill ditch her and go find someone else who doesn't (like my current partner)

daddysgotanew · 2022-12-14T22:20:16+00:00

Only if she finds you attractive in the first place….I’ll say this, I’m a 6’1” male who is decently attractive (about a 7), am in decent physical shape and have all my hair. If I had ignored all women in my 30 years of life, I’d still be a virgin. It was never easy.

I feel bad for short ugly dudes. It must be a brutal life because it’s bad enough for me to go WTF.

UneastAji · 2022-12-14T08:31:45+00:00

No. You should give women less doormat attention and more assertive sexual attention.

You know that dude who always annoy that girl by bullying her like she was a dude? That's the other extrema. Find the middle ground.

So if a woman is interested in going out with you don't stop everything you're doing just to be with her. If you got something else going on stick to that and tell her you'll meet another time.

Situations where you're the one being asked out are going to be extremely rare. So that kind of problem shouldn't exist to most men. Otherwise, there's no real problem in being sexually available, there's a problem in having your labor available at all time though.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-12-14T08:09:44+00:00

It does.

Helps filter out the emotional vampires who only want to waste your time.

Highly recommend!

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-12-14T07:47:14+00:00

You mingle with her on your time and you make her earn your attention. Never ever jump at a chance to get with her because that's giving desperate and you will get ghosted. You make women work hard for your attention. People appreciate what they had to earn compared to what they got for free.

johnnyGotHisTabla · 2022-12-14T13:51:23+00:00

Yes and not everything is a "debate" FFS, YMMV.

PlainTundra · 2022-12-14T13:54:01+00:00

If she's interested in you (aka you are conventially attractive), yes, it'll work.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-12-14T11:45:42+00:00

Well you should be having your own life and doing that anyways, but to an extent yes, women DO NOT respect men that don't have options, so to have an abundance mindset/ not giving a fuck attitude towards a woman who has no shortage of attention makes you stand out more, even if you get a relationship with her you have to play this game sometimes, and this is another reason I tell you guys to not do the female friend shit lol

PsychologicalOil8190 · 2022-12-14T12:34:45+00:00

100% it does

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2022-12-14T16:24:32+00:00

Yes, but it only really makes a women who is already interested more interested.

If a girl likes me and trys to make advances and I reject them. 100% of the time their interest in me goes up ALOT.

sublimemongrel · 2022-12-15T00:05:53+00:00

I always liked somewhat aloof guys so yeah for me. Like you said not ignoring me or being an asshole but yeah just doing your thing not appearing desperate for attention is attractive to me

2022-12-15T12:06:54+00:00

I’d say not on mature women but most women aren’t mature so, yes. If you’re worried about quantity over quality (which most young men are) then go for it. But keep in MIND this only works if she’s already somewhat attracted to you, typically due to physical attraction ofc.

I remember being in like 10th grade in HS and experimenting learning what did and didn’t work with girls. Came to learn the hard way that giving a girl “less attention” who already doesn’t give you attention isn’t doing anything LMAO. But also learned that when a girl is already attracted to you, it rarely hurts to maintain the veil of mystery and not entertain her 24/7.

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SoldierExcelsior · 2022-12-14T08:11:11+00:00

I think it can on young inexperienced women

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-12-14T11:35:08+00:00

you don’t stop everything

When I met my now wife, she had to wait. As I was dating another person at the time.

It’s not an issue of stopping. The only factor that matters; is what you’ve got going.,.

Godspeed and good luck!

Waratah888 · 2022-12-14T11:39:19+00:00

Never let a partner be dominant thing on your life.

Friends, family, career, hobbies atleast equally important.

festethefoole1 · 2022-12-14T12:32:37+00:00

One thing that’s well worth my sharing is I have a female friend who says she gets a major “ick” when a guy asks her out on a date and says he’s free on either Friday or Saturday.

She says it’s a concern he doesn’t have plans on either of the main days of the weekend for socialising or activities.

She has every right to do so btw. Women are attracted to status and it betrays a low status.

Aurelius-chfn09a · 2022-12-14T13:14:41+00:00

It sure works for me. Giving women less attention (actually, no attention at all) has certainly brought me greater happiness. I recommend it.

gobblegoobleoneofus · 2022-12-14T14:50:05+00:00

disinterested game works but not for me.

i think it really only helps guys that have that mysterious alluring look

for me as a normal guy I have to make my interest clear for them to even know I exist.

athlete2biz · 2022-12-14T16:42:46+00:00

it works if you are a high status attractive man.

if not, I dunno if this will work to well for you.

sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-12-14T17:45:17+00:00

Yes and no. A man that is only focused on getting in your pants or trying to "lock you down" for his own sake is less attractive than a man investing in his future economically and skill wise. This means a moderate prioritization of work and hobbies is important and attractive to women as it shows you are determined and it makes you seem more competent, ergo more to bring to the table.

Aphor1st · 2022-12-14T19:06:55+00:00

This honestly just sounds like having healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries make for healthy relationships.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-12-14T19:23:07+00:00

Yes, but she must like you first.otherwise you will always be empty handed

2022-12-14T20:42:26+00:00

Time and Attention is valuable. If you give it away so freely it loses its value. we also tend to place more value on things that we don’t tend to get as easily or things that we have to work for. This applies to woman. If you constantly give her your time and attention, she realizes she can get it whenever , she doesnt need to work for it and it loses its spark. If she realizes you are so busy but you find time to be with her, she will feel special because your time is scarce and you still found time to give to her

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-12-14T22:06:38+00:00

I like initiating and showing I am interested. But if someone doesn't respond with similar enthusiasm I am going to think they do not welcome my attention and that they are saying a soft no or at least that we're not sexually/romantically compatible. I don't want to feel like I'm harassing anyone. So I'll outright state my interest and we'll talking about their interest level, totally okay if they are just shy but we need to talk about it.

I don't want someone to 'stop everything they are doing' just to be with me. I think that's unhealthy for both of us.

If we don't have similar levels of desire I will opt out because while I can go for weeks without seeing someone happily, I still need to know that their interest is there. It's not about quantity of attention it's about quality/matched intensity.

Says_Who22 · 2022-12-14T22:40:23+00:00

Works both ways. Are you happy if she says she has something else going on and says she’ll meet up with you another time? Does it make you more interested, or frustrated, just feel like you are equally grown up with your own stuff to do?

AngelxEyez · 2022-12-14T23:06:25+00:00

Having your own life, interests and hobbies outside of a relationship should be default.

its unattractive to have nothing at all going on for yourself.. like you have no life at all outside of me? thats weird.. but intentionally withholding attention as a mind game is also bad.

my boyfriend is basically never "unavailable" to hangout when I ask to, but he doesn't try to text 24/7 or see me everyday. He's not suffocating me with attention. He texts back when he sees a text, and has a moment to reply. sometimes its an hour later, usually its less than a minute.

theres no mind games involved to give me "less attention,", but its less attention than if his world completely revolved around me, sure.

despisedlove2 · 2022-12-14T23:17:32+00:00

Define "work".

The question instead should be - "are women actually worth the kind of attention most men invest in them?".

For most Western women, the answer is a clear no.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-12-15T05:10:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2022-12-15T06:11:36+00:00

Yes. Problem is, you’ll overlook and be blind to their hints.

yupyupyuypypn · 2022-12-15T07:35:31+00:00

Of course. I’d even go as far as ignoring them works. If you know she’s at least slightly interested, less is more.

2022-12-15T12:06:34+00:00

I’d say not on mature women but most women aren’t mature so, yes. If you’re worried about quantity over quality (which most young men are) then go for it. But keep in MIND this only works if she’s already somewhat attracted to you, typically due to physical attraction ofc.

I remember being in like 10th grade in HS and experimenting learning what did and didn’t work with girls. Came to learn the hard way that giving a girl “less attention” who already doesn’t give you attention isn’t doing anything LMAO. But also learned that when a girl is already attracted to you, it rarely hurts to maintain the veil of mystery and not entertain her 24/7.

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-12-15T18:03:06+00:00

It works on certain women.

If I was dating a guy and he didnt give me the amount of attention I needed to sustain a relationship I ended it. Whether he didnt give me attention due to game playing, too many other responsibilities, or maybe lack of interest in me- it didnt matter the reason.

HolyPipidastra · 2022-12-15T22:10:32+00:00

Let me put it this way: having shit going on is definitely not going to make anyone less attracted to you.

RGL137 · 2022-12-16T02:44:44+00:00

Step 1) Swear off bullshit and start having your own life, pursuing your own hobbies, developing your own character.

Step 2) Exclusively engage in work or hobbies that are populated 100% by men. Also rarely leave your house otherwise because you’re focusing on YOU, not the stupid world!

Step 3) Theoretically be an attractive, confident man that most women would be interested in, but, realize you actually have even less prospects than you did before because now you’re never even around women in the first place.

Step 4) Angrily post about it on a debate sub on Reddit.

Title	Does giving women less attention work?
Author	spankyourkopita
Upvotes	14
Comments	83
Date	December 14, 2022 6:35 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zljt18/does_giving_women_less_attention_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-giving-women-less-attention-work.1143939 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143939

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