How do men without accomplishments get confidence?

Cloud-8394 · 2023-01-21T05:59:02+00:00

Forget confidence and focus on discipline. Discipline is the key to forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone. People with discipline seek challenges and, through practice, overcome obstacles.. such as approaching people, asking women out, etc.

PsychologicalHand155 · 2023-01-21T05:31:50+00:00

It’s called arrogance

General_High_Ground · 2023-01-21T08:34:37+00:00

Confidence comes from experience.

So in the case of dating; why do you think women fall for players ?

Because they are confident with women.

They approach them anywhere and everywhere, date around a lot and that's how they get that experience and their confidence increases in the process. Ofc they go "below" their league at first to get started and after they learn what works and what doesn't, try shooting higher and higher.
Then they leave when they find someone better or more interesting to them, because that woman is just a "stepping stone" to him anyway.

That will make a player even better at his game, other women falling for him even harder, and those unlucky that he reciprocates the interest with more broken hearts... But it works for him.

Ofc this is unethical, but that's how it works.

LaPrimaVera · 2023-01-21T05:32:36+00:00

Confidence in your career =/= Confidence in the sexual marketplace

Richwhiteman69420 · 2023-01-21T05:35:41+00:00

That seems obvious, get accomplishments then date. We are men, time is on our side.

Correct-Warthog-9061 · 2023-01-21T06:38:44+00:00

Confidence doesn't come from thin air. If u get girls ---->>> confidence, but if u dont then no confidence

BirdMedication · 2023-01-21T06:29:24+00:00

For a short-term boost of confidence maybe you could try strenuous exercise? If you've ever felt exhausted after a long day then you'll know the feeling of not giving as much of a fuck about how you're perceived.

For some people this might not be effective or entirely practical, but before walking into a social gathering or whatever you could try doing a short, high-intensity workout beforehand so you get a "confidence effect" that lasts just long enough for you to take the first hardest step.

For long-term general confidence it can be tough if you're expecting accomplishments in area A (career) to just naturally carry over to area B (dating), since it doesn't always work that way. So if that doesn't work you could try working towards a fit body, going to therapy or doing meditation. Or even something more existential like "at least I'm not..." or "we're just a tiny speck in the universe" type mental thought exercises.

RGL137 · 2023-01-21T08:04:13+00:00

You don’t. You have to get accomplishments first then you get confidence from them.

But, the problem is, like most things in society these days, nothing is proportional anymore. So even if you accomplish quite a bit, women can just go on social media and find a man out of the millions that are on there who ones you up.

In the past you had a better shot of being the big fish in a small pond because you mostly just competed against people in your immediate surroundings. Now we live in a globalize, connected world so you’re just a minnow in an ocean, even if you achieve certain things.

I’ll give you a good example from my personal life. I live in Canada and I have a pilots licence, statistically around 1% or less of Canadians have one so that should make me stand out a bit and be pretty unique right? Wrong, one of my female friends from work had like three other pilots matched with her on Bumble.

Good luck truly “accomplishing” anything and standing out unless you’re a famous artists or a millionaire or some shit.

MasterTeacher123 · 2023-01-21T13:38:46+00:00

What’s funny about this thread is there are men with little to no “accomplishments” who think the world of themselves

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-01-21T13:46:42+00:00

The older one gets you become wise. Less willing to put up with bullshit. With that aquired wisdom comes knowledge and with that comes confidence. You finally learn to be happy in your own skin and accept yourself.

wtknight · 2023-01-21T14:29:29+00:00

They don't. That's why men need to accomplish things. It's not necessary for a man to have grand accomplishments. Just showing the initiative to hold down a decent job and taking care of one's body is enough for some women.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-01-21T15:36:07+00:00

They learn to relax.

Some of the most confident people I know are bums. They are always in a relaxed mood, they are excellent party guests, they know they have a right to live in this world regardless of how much money they make or if they have a fancy title.

They don't leech off others though, they just are creative about living their life without a lot of hobbies. They still have interests but not necessarily artistry level in things.

Alt-acct123 · 2023-01-21T05:49:02+00:00

Usually people gain confidence by getting a few “wins” in their pocket. If that’s not happening for your right now, find a new job or find another area where you can work hard and reach a new level of achievement.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2023-01-21T06:09:19+00:00

Confidence can come from purpose + initiative as well. Do you notice that people flock to those who seem assured of their purpose? Especially when they are on the move. Doing is sexy. We sometimes respect the strength of their conviction, even if we don't necessarily agree with it.

Try to cultivate a sense of purpose in your life. Have a why. It doesn't need to be anything uniquely rare or special. One of mine is making sure my dogs live a good life. It sounds silly but on days where I'm down, it gets me moving. I am responsible for their well-being. Said behaviors were a massive green flag for my g/f, who projects those qualities as to how I might treat her or potential future children.

Find that purpose. Let the purpose(s) guide your actions and work towards it. Do you have a creative spark? Do you enjoy connecting people and connecting with people? What do you dream of?

prizefighterstudent · 2023-01-21T10:11:30+00:00

They don’t. And if you’re not good looking, everyone can tell.

True confidence comes from overcoming the volatility of failure and success. You would be confident if you won all the time, but it would become closer to arrogance, hubris.

Dudes who aren’t accustomed to this fake it and get put on blast easy. Of course if you’re good looking, you can get away with it.

No-Victory-9096 · 2023-01-21T10:30:27+00:00

Confidence in finding a partner != confidence in your career, unless you have high status career (ie, doctors, surgeons, lawyers etc...).

The truth is to have success in dating, you must be confident in your appeareance (ie. be phyisically attractive ).

All the rest is non sense.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2023-01-21T05:42:06+00:00

By starting with a very small accomplishment. Like having any job at all, or talking to a girl at a party. Eventually you may build the confidence to for example ask for a raise, or get a girl’s number, and so on.

Safinated · 2023-01-21T07:16:38+00:00

You don’t need to be exceptional, unless you want exceptional

-Bazuso- · 2023-01-21T08:51:17+00:00

Hit the gym, stack your feria up💸, get your style all the way up, Cosmetic surgery if you have any major problems on the face, and take a shot🥃. That’s pretty much it compita

RedditAlt999 · 2023-01-21T19:14:10+00:00

You don't. Confidence comes from results. There's nothing worse than an arrogant man, or woman for that matter, who's accomplished very little for how much confidence they exude.

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Optimal_Fig7538 · 2023-01-21T05:52:25+00:00

West-Ad-9697 · 2023-01-21T07:56:59+00:00

I think society is too comfortable especially for those under 35 to have readily available challenges, in the real sense of the word.

Go to the skatepark - start parkour, dancing, painting, learn a language and then go to that country, get a forklift course and then get a forklift.

On the beaten path of life, in our society all risk and dificulty has been removed and replaced with paint beetween the lines drawings. You can express yourself by what color you choose, but the end goal is very predictable and easy to achieve without any real downsides to failure.

A friend was looking over his PRs work requirements and he jokingly said - I can only fire people now if they go crazy on the job. Yeah - be normal, or at least act like it - and you can't be fired without some serious finacial headaches. You get to keep getting paid by just doing the bare minimum in life. That's how easy it is.

So, what's the challenge? Apart from pure masochism, nothing in our society pushes you. So you don't get any better, so you don't have any learned experience where you showed competence and you can see in hindsight that things worked out, or that you progressed.

belachewhm · 2023-01-21T07:58:11+00:00

By getting accomplishments

hhhhhhikkmvjjhj · 2023-01-21T08:07:35+00:00

Confidence is not built but succeeding, it’s built by failing and realizing “this was not that bad” which leads to less failure/rejection sensitivity. In cognitive behavior therapy you train eg social phobia by taking on small challenges with increasing difficulty to build up that resilience.

So even if you have no accomplishments you can still build confidence, just take on smaller challenges and practice dealing with the aftermath when it goes south.

Confidence is emotional resilience.

MarBitt · 2023-01-21T09:10:03+00:00

By not taking yourself or your life too seriously.

If it's just a game for you and you don't really care about the result, you have no reason to feel insecure in front of anyone. You are simply no better or worse than anyone else.

Thekurdishprince · 2023-01-21T10:20:03+00:00

Most western young men have to fake it until they make it. That is the only option if you are young with not much experience with women or the workforce.

Now i never had this problem because of my non western upbringing. I am confident asshole which worked very well for me in dating and beyond! My advice for other young men would be few things :

You have to work toward something and believe you will be successful in the future.
In the mean time you have to do thing that will put you above other and make you think that you are better than them like starting to eat healthy , working out and not wasting time on stupid shit. Self improvement is key for this !

Those things will put you above others and confidence will come with time. This is why the manosphere is important for men like you ! Modern society does not give men the tools to make it in life.

sfalgo · 2023-01-21T11:20:16+00:00

Do something difficult. The more difficult the better. It almost doesn't matter what it is. The repeated experience of being in dark places mentally and physically and then pushing through them using pure willpower will give you more confidence to deal with other areas of your life. I would suggest jiu-jitsu but it could be plenty of other things.. outdoor rock climbing, public speaking or standup comedy, a sales job where you cold call people 100 times a day, extreme discipline with diet and sleep schedule, silent meditation retreats, practicing an instrument 3 hours per day every day. Just pick one and dive in with 100% commitment. David Goggins calls it "callousing the mind".

It's not directly related to women but putting yourself in difficult situations repeatedly and overcoming them will open your mind to your own potential and ability to overcome setbacks.

KayRay1994 · 2023-01-21T12:16:55+00:00

draw out your own legacy, even if its something as vague as self improvement - set a goal and accomplish it, then keep doing that. Also, appreciate the journey - enjoy the smaller steps and cherish them

meddit-throwaway · 2023-01-21T13:41:04+00:00

You can have confidence without any accomplishments. It depends where you derive your confidence from, some people base it on their accomplishments and features, others have an intrinsic confidence and self esteem that is there no matter what. This is “true” confidence in a sense because it doesn’t depend on anything.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2023-01-21T13:42:51+00:00

If your job doesn't give you the luxury of gaining confidence (say you install hinge 422B at the airplane overhead compartment door factory - yes there is one in my city and fuck me, do those dudes look miserable standing outside on their smoke breaks) you can find other pursuits to gain confidence from. Get out of your house. Take a course. Join a club. Learn a craft/skill. Start training your body to become physically strong. There's countless ways to find the confidence that you're looking for

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-01-21T13:47:16+00:00

Be tall or just good looking I guess

-ViragoVirgo- · 2023-01-21T14:11:18+00:00

fake it til you make it

obviousredflag · 2023-01-21T14:43:43+00:00

Get your confidence from other things than your job. Your friends are a great source of confidence. What do they love you for?

pasrikas · 2023-01-21T14:58:26+00:00

I don't mean to belittle anyone but generally people without accomplishments don't acknowledge that they have no accomplishments. They have smaller worlds.. For example, our service driver once made a maneuver to avert a head on crash. It was an impressive thing to do for sure, but i wouldn't give it a second thought. He did though, he told literally everyone in factory. His mood went up, he didn't shut up about it for a month. He could find happiness in small things.

Finding a life partner shouldn't be a priority for you i think, it should be a side hustle. You already know you have little acknowledgement, your world is bigger. A woman won't satisfy you the way acknowledgements would, but you need to find something you can be passionate about first.

AbsurdInk4 · 2023-01-21T14:58:34+00:00

The mere fact you typed this shows that youre insecure.

Ambassadior · 2023-01-21T15:01:48+00:00

Fake it till you make it

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-01-21T15:43:00+00:00

Women mistake confidence with arrogance all the time.

PapaPinyun · 2023-01-21T16:24:09+00:00

they eat meat and watch sports and other such magical associations to mingle an idea of dominance with their own actions

Ohmaygahh · 2023-01-21T16:41:51+00:00

You are operating with a man's definition of "confidence". You'll quickly find that women use the wrong words and vocabulary for things.

What they mean in confidence is more akin to "feeling relaxed and socially at ease. Not nervous about anything bad happening, and even if something bad were to arise, you'd be able to handle it easily".

despisedlove2 · 2023-01-21T16:51:18+00:00

Are you married to your job?

If you feel that it is not adding to your competence, then seek greater training and try to get out of the situation you are in.

Not being able to make progress professionally will make you unhappier, and yes, feel less adequate. You are way ahead of most of men here though. At least you recognize the irreplaceable role that acquisition of professional competence plays in male confidence.

SunkenTheHedgehog · 2023-01-21T17:44:38+00:00

Chris chan is a failure but his parents gave him way too much praise so he became a narcissist

jackedsoon · 2023-01-21T17:54:30+00:00

Delusion, narcissism, positive reinforcement for looks/body

CompleteRetard69 · 2023-01-21T17:58:29+00:00

Make up accomplishments.

TheLonerCoder · 2023-01-21T19:00:34+00:00

maybe because i'm younger but it's because people are usually dating people in the same age bracket. so those same people aren't equally as accomplished. I'm 24. Most people in my age bracket 20 - 26 are broke and in debt. So they have low expectations for men. They also expect you to be broke and in debt... Alot of women I've met are even still in school themselves or only just now getting their first "real" jobs post-college. I've never had a woman set high expectations for me.

DisasterPeace7 · 2023-01-21T19:30:27+00:00

Generally speaking, they don't, and if you haven't accomplished anything that gives you confidence they probably just don't deserve it.

Ohms2North · 2023-01-21T21:54:41+00:00

Do hard shit.

1stevercody · 2023-01-21T22:31:13+00:00

1 there's the old saying fake it till you make it. You know like the superhero pose, the psychological trick where if you stand hands on hips in a wide stance you can sort of trick yourself into confidence.

But you got to start somewhere, you say you have a job you're not super proud of, be the best one you can be. Then gun for the supervisor position. If it's that unfulfilling is it out of your realm to find something else? Look at trade school, or night classes.

In my experience in times of my life where I've been more physically active I find myself happier and with more confidence. That doesn't have to mean spending 2 hours a day in the gym and looking like Thor or whatever. Physical activity is correlated with lower rates of depression, after a while you start to look good and you feel good.

Next pay attention to the people who you are around. Hopefully you have some sort of circle of friends or support group. Even if it's just your immediate family, hopefully they're positive and supportive. If not, try to put yourself out there. It's easier said than done of course, but look at local groups that are into the same things you are, or use that as a reason to try something new. I don't know what your outlook on religion is but I've known a lot of people who found great friendships and support at a church.

As with anything, it starts with baby steps, don't measure yourself against the perfect man, or even your ideal self. Measure yourself against who you were yesterday. Even if you move an inch, that's an inch further than you were yesterday.

Highflyer47 · 2023-01-21T23:29:41+00:00

Probably because they're attractive and dont need money to boost their ego

jonascf · 2023-01-21T23:53:40+00:00

I don't have much in the way of accomplishments either, but I'm mostly very confident when it comes to flirting and the like.

Why?

Because I know what effect I have on people when I show my best side, and that's enough to make me feel confident in those situations.

TheDustLord · 2023-01-22T02:47:48+00:00

Work out and get in great physical shape. Including dieting decently.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-01-22T03:22:19+00:00

You can't have confidence to start with.

All greatness begins with arrogance.

Believing you can do whatever it is you're trying to do in the absence of any prior evidence is required first.

After you finally do the thing, then you can start to build confidence.

Arrogance isn't ideal, but it's far better than timidity.

James_Cruse · 2023-01-22T03:32:06+00:00

All these people saying confidence comes from experience aren’t correct. It CAN come from experience, if you choose it to.

Confidence is a CHOICE, nothing more. You don’t need anything to support it, other than your own thoughts and not allowing others to mislead you away from this confidence.

Re-framing your own actions positively and other peoples responses towards you postively and having complete trust in your own actions and the reactions of others = Confidence

Being calm & relaxed about going into unknown situations and embracing the unknown = Confidence.

Conscious_Ad_6572 · 2023-01-22T03:51:50+00:00

Discipline makes you king

SuspiciousRule · 2023-01-22T05:00:32+00:00

You don't have to limit your accomplishments to your career. Knowledge and skill can be gain outside it. My uncle a fireman but his hobby is building and fixing stuff.

lovelythecove · 2023-01-22T12:21:47+00:00

I’m gonna be honest. The most blatantly confident (with women) man I know is a gigantic stoner who barely made it out of high school, joined the army then dropped out as soon as possible (to get back to smoking weed, his one true love), has worked in and out of various fast food joints most of his adult life, joined college twice and dropped out twice, now lives in a state where it’s legal to grow weed (his one true goal in life), and he is about 5’7 on a good day. He simply believes he deserves pussy and uses that confidence to throw himself through every brick wall. (He also admittedly has a lot of ‘dark triad’ traits going on.) It has nothing to do with his (complete and total lack of) accomplishments.

His brother is equally high all the time, shorter than he is (5’5ish), equally unaccomplished in life (though he does almost have an associates degree), and is only slightly less successful with women.

The other more successful (with women) men I know are confident basically because they’re attractive enough that they’re successful enough with women they never had to question it, let alone flex their accomplishments to get laid.

So… I suppose there’s a good range there.

Guys on here love to shit on the “fake it til you make it” idea but really, if you’re proud of yourself and your goals, and you’re happy enough with yourself, that makes you a LOT more attractive than being your exact same self, except you’re insecure about your goals/accomplishments/looks. The brothers I mentioned? Their main asset working for them is that they simply do not give a fuck. They’re very comfortable with themselves, even though they’re not traditionally successful, they don’t have money, they’re not tall, they’re not ambitious. But they’re genuinely themselves, they’re not pretending to be impressive. So they are a lot more attractive than a guy with more status who is wishy-washy about his confidence in himself.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-01-22T16:26:13+00:00

Good looks.

Familiar_Egg8802 · 2023-01-22T20:06:40+00:00

Depends, at this point having societal worth is essentially independent to how attractive you are to modern women. I know tons of people who are top in their field but would be laughed at by a highschool dropout you see in a bar. Unfortunately this society needs a lot of pain and suffering to come before people start realizing where value is again.

Square-Pie9671 · 2023-01-23T02:22:53+00:00

they dont, and they aren't supposed to. get competent and then confidence follows. being confident without ability is cringe and valueless.

H3l3l6758 · 2023-01-23T03:06:45+00:00

Confidence comes when your succes % is higher then your % of failures. But if your failure % is higher then your success %. Then you will lack confidence or any sort of it.

I have a job that doesnt require education or special skills,

Every job needs a skill even Cashier jobs you need social skills. The whole there's jobs that don't require skills is BS created to make people feel less so they don't ask for raises.

so my confidence is low bc its a job as opposed to a career,

Your probably comparing yourself to someone with more wealth stop comparing yourself to others. Careers, jobs you can live all your life and never have either or only have one.

however many people that work the same type of job or are in even more dire circumstances than me don’t seem to have this issue and have at least enough confidence to find a partner.

I understand the part about a partner when I had a Career making good money. I was the only single guy everyone else in relationships, married or in hook ups. I just got out of my Work to go home or Liquor Store depending if I did not have a tight schedule. I just concluded some have it, some don't that's it.

I don't have any accomplishments that I can say dam this is tremendous. But some look at them and say their huge I don't see the has big though.. All I can tell you is don't worry about having a Career or a Job. For in both scenarios your a slave one to your Boss and one to your customers or employers.

Just wake up do what you gotta do and if the opportunity presents itself grab it. But you gotta see those Opportunities when they appear so prepare yourself first for it. Because Luck only happens in 2 scenarios.

Your family has wealth and have you the connections or money to be successful. This is what I call inherited luck.
When you have been preparing yourself in a skill be it welding, plumbing or construction and you know how and when the Opportunities are gonna arrive and how to grab them. Only with preparation can you seized the opportunity to create what we know has luck.

I'm prepared personally so I know when to grab job opportunities, but since I got tired of searching for a good career I just took a job and now do the minimum to survive. But about relationships that's not my alley and never has been so maybe someone else can help you out on that one. Since I am a social failure and not for the lack of trying.

Hosj_Karp · 2023-01-23T10:43:06+00:00

What worked for me is realizing that 99.9% of people are anonymous mediocre trash with no accomplishments, too.

Vacko8 · 2023-01-23T11:35:26+00:00

the best thing that grew my confidence personally was to challenge myself constantly

i started working out (normal fitnes) and that helpt but when i switcht to boxing i got so much more confident with a healthier mindset

taking cold showers is also a great way to challenge yourself ( Wim Hof is a great teacher in cold exposere )

Title	How do men without accomplishments get confidence?
Author	ivailobaysha032
Upvotes	27
Comments	85
Date	January 21, 2023 5:09 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10hjcgt/how_do_men_without_accomplishments_get_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-men-without-accomplishments-get-confidence.1149521 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149521

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