I’ve noticed a few times now that men will talk about female victims of DV as perpetrators of their own circumstances. They’ll basically say “well she chose to be with someone abusive… he did XYZ and she stayed when she could have been with a nice guy!” It is so oversimplified and completely ignores the psychological aspects of abusive/toxic relationships.

It also ignores how abuse can get worse when the woman leaves, in the cases of DV, the most dangerous 6 weeks of a woman’s life are the 6 weeks after she leaves an abusive partner. (In the UK alone, 2 women are killed every week by a partner or ex partner) It takes an average of 7 tries for a woman to fully leave an abusive partner. But it’s always a case of “well she chose to be with him while ignoring all the guys that’s treated her well”

But when the topic is about gold diggers, cheaters, toxic/abusive female partners (and I am well aware that there are plenty) or women who rinse their ex husbands and keep their children from them, the men are (rightfully) portrayed as the victims here. You can’t tell these men “well you should have expected it, you went for her when you could have been with a nice girl who’d treat you right”. All they see is another data point of women being nasty and cruel

Can someone explain this double standard of accountability here?