Q4W : Why is a guy being short not unattractive but a guy being insecure about being short unattractive?

Muscletov · 2023-08-18T09:48:55+00:00

The insecurity charge is a deflection to seem less shallow and make it about the man's character

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-08-18T05:52:52+00:00

Insecurity is never an attractive trait, at best it's neutral, and depending on how you act on it, it's super unattractive. I, like every other person out there, have things about my body I'm not a big fan of and feel insecure about. However, I either keep those insecurities to myself or I share with a friend/my partner that I'm feeling a bit bleh and that I'll get over it. My partner also has insecurities about his body and it's never put me off.

Now, the two short guys I've dated that were very insecure about their height were kinda dicks about it. One of them loved making fun of other people for their imperfections, like being bald or having a crooked nose. But if you made a joke about him being short, well, that was super offensive and how dare you. He could try to make others feel bad about something they were insecure about but if you mentioned his insecurity, you were the worst person and you got the silent treatment for a few days. The other dude just acted like an asshole for most of our relationship and when we broke up he said his attitude (which he denied was shitty) was (in part) because he felt emasculated by me being taller than him.

Now, are all short guys dicks? No. Do all short guys who are insecure about their height take their issues out on other people and think they're justified in doing so because the universe didn't make them tall? Also no. The third short guy I dated was an awesome guy and even if he was insecure about his height, he didn't make it other people's problem. But the ones who do act like assholes due to their insecurity are not attractive at all. That goes for women too, btw. If you're just insecure about having small tits/no ass/whatever, that's fine. If you're making fun of others to make yourself feel bigger, you're just a bitch.

Zabadoodude · 2023-08-18T05:39:35+00:00

Women are just not attracted to guys being insecure. It is what it is. You can rage against It, or you can pretend to not be bothered and do better with women as a result.

Being short does make you less attractive, but it's not the end of the world. Just makes things a bit harder

TammyMeatToy · 2023-08-18T08:01:26+00:00

A lot of people can address their insecurities in a healthy way, a lot of people can't. Lying about your height because you're insecure about it is unattractive. Refusing to stand next to someone because you're insecure about being shorter than them is unattractive. Telling your partner or friend "man I feel like shit because I'm short" is not unattractive.

It's not about whether you're insecure or not, everyone has insecurities. It's about whether they manifest in ways that make you unfun to be around, or bring out the worst parts of you.

Operatesinreality · 2023-08-18T09:06:32+00:00

Yes, it's insecurity that makes him unattractive. No, I don't have anything I am insecure about within my looks.

Being short is attractive to me actually, I prefer shorter men over tall ones. But insecurity is not my thing.

Mundane-Wealth7361 · 2023-08-18T07:34:31+00:00

I think I may not be the woman to answer this question, but I'm gonna do it anyway 😂 I prefer short men, I think they are attractive even when they are insecure. But entering a relationship with a man who is insecure might not be ideal. I might not be "allowed" to wear heels, or he gets uncomfortable around my tall friends. When insecurity starts to become heavy, it will impact the relationship, and that is the thing that is unattractive to me. This goes for all insecurities.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2023-08-18T05:39:53+00:00

Men are "allowed" to be insecure about anything they want to be.

Women just aren't required to be sexually attracted to it.

Welcome to life, where turn-offs exist. That's not "hypocrisy."

GooseneckRoad · 2023-08-18T05:40:15+00:00

Insecurity isn't unattractive per se, but it does demonstrate that a guy has unresolved issues with his self-image, which could then imply even more important unresolved issues. It's not a red flag, but it can be a signal of disharmony depending on how much it bothers the guy.

bruhminer · 2023-08-18T07:40:17+00:00

Being short is unattractive whether or not you're are insecure about it, "you're insecure" is just an excuse to gaslight men and not tell them the truth.

Think about it this way, let's say a man was insecure abut being tall, you think any woman would give a shit ? lol

Jambi1913 · 2023-08-18T07:13:30+00:00

Minor insecurity in and of itself is not unattractive - it’s a very normal thing to have insecurities. But complaining a lot about it and needing frequent reassurance is tiresome and makes it seem like you won’t ever learn to accept what is making you feel insecure. When a lot of your personality seems caught up in your insecurities, it makes you come across as kind of a downer and no one really finds that an attractive vibe, right?

Super insecure women are not widely accepted either - a lot of men find it tiresome when women keep asking for reassurance about their looks.

Is it more acceptable in women? Yes - because of gender stereotypes where women are kind of weak and emotional and men are strong and stoic. I think this has changed a lot and we have a more even expectation now for both men and women to be able to handle their shit, but also get some leeway for being human and sometimes getting anxious and insecure about things. I think this is still tougher for men though, especially around height - and no, it isn’t fair.

Sillysheila · 2023-08-18T06:37:08+00:00

I think some women just find short men unattractive full stop if I’m totally honest. This sucks, but it is what it is.

As for insecurity being unattractive; I guess I kind of agree with red pill a bit (note: I’m in no way in total agreement with red pill) that women want men that have their shit together, or are working towards this at least.

I think it stems from the fact that people who are insecure whine a lot, whining is associated with kids, to most women this is a red flag because they don’t want to be a man’s caretaker maid. They want a man to take care of themselves. Does that make sense?

ETA: I do think really tall height is incredibly overrated. I’m married to a guy that’s 5’8 and I’m 5’5 so there’s still a big height difference

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-18T09:32:27+00:00

I wouldn't say insecurity is a dealbreaker, but it certainly doesn't help anyone. Even being insecure about things I find attractive, like being short, is going to be a problem to deal with rather than a positive. It's not nice to have to reassure your partner constantly that you love them despite or even partially because of whatever trait they obsess over. (And by the way, men don't like it either, and most women know talking about their insecurities wuth men tends to end badly.)

IHaveABigDuvet · 2023-08-18T12:20:32+00:00

Women are attracted to height.

But insecurity in general can just be very draining to be around. Insecure people become obsessed with their insecurities and get emotional when their insecurities arise. A good time is never a good time, it always ends up in you trying to convince them that they have value. Its just unpleasant to be around.

Also, think about it this way - if there are two people advertising their stores’. One person is confident about his wares and believes you will enjoy your shopping experience, and the other person is shouting at everyone that walks past without taking a leaflet because he feels rejected and crying on the doorstep - which store would you most want to shop in (based purely on what you think the best shopping experience would be).

Insecurity is poor advertisement and a inference of what your value really is.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-08-18T13:36:21+00:00

Everyone has insecurities, yes. I certainly have plenty of my own. I think it’s fine to have insecurities. What is not fine is to have a chip on your shoulder about your insecurities. Or to go into every interaction like Eeyore assuming nobody is going to like you. Or to put the weight of your insecurities on your partner to fix - needing a little reassurance is fine but it gets tiring as the partner to have to do all the time. Or assuming that all your failures in life are determined by the things you are insecure about.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-08-18T13:39:48+00:00

It's when he takes it out on women that it's unattractive. To be clear. If he's just periodically down on himself because he's not as tall as other guys, I'm happy to assure him I don't care about his height. (Literally cannot remember how tall the man I'm seeing this weekend is. He's unbothered, so he's probably over 5'7". That's the extent of it!) But if he's insecure and constantly making it my problem, not just in a "hey, can you give me a boost?" kind of way -- time for a therapist.

whyamiherewhatawaste · 2023-08-18T12:04:31+00:00

Are you seriously wondering why insecurity is a turn off? Have you ever met or hung out with insecure people? They try to bring others down. They're negative. They fear criticism. But the worst is you don't know how deep the issue is. Maybe he has more reasons to be insecure than height compounding the issue (min wage job, small penis etc). It's a glaring signal this person has major risks.

Confident people send the opposite signal. That they're a catch. And who doesn't want to be with a catch?

SadistLordofLykos · 2023-08-18T17:32:43+00:00

Not a woman but no one loves whiny men. Men don’t even like whiny men, why do you all expect women to love whiny men?

mybelovedx · 2023-08-18T08:34:04+00:00

This is difficult to say.

For a lot of women being short IS unattractive. I think we’re teaching an age where people are slowly coming more to terms with stating exactly how they feel. It’s anecdotal, but all my friends pretty openly are into tall guys.

I think the reason it was so ‘taboo’ is its knowingly quite shallow. And nobody WANTS to come across as shallow, so it’s easier to claim ‘napoleon syndrome’ and be done with it. Like I said, I think it’s slowly becoming more common to just be honest, but only time will tell.

However, there are four subsets of women when it comes to height IMO. Those that don’t like short guys and won’t admit it. Those that don’t like short guys and will admit it. Those that are impartial and don’t care about height. Those that like short guys.

The top subset being the majority, scaling down to the bottom being the slim minority.

In some cases, it genuinely can be a confidence thing. If a short guy is constantly complaining about his height, constantly being negative about his height etc, even if you don’t care or like his height, it can be incredibly off putting to listen to all the time. So that lack of confidence and constant complaining alienates the groups that don’t care about / like short guys.

Being a short man in dating is tough, no denying. Like I said, I feel like we’re reaching a point people are SLIGHLY more open about physical preference, but we’re still a long shot away.

Educational_Middle57 · 2023-08-18T05:46:50+00:00

That's gaslighting dummy. It's about height, but they will say it's confidence to feel less shallow or whatever.

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Unhappy-Yak-8648 · 2023-08-18T10:19:53+00:00

Guy being short is unattractive.

It's like they aren't attracted to you but they don't want you to be sad either.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-08-18T12:45:23+00:00

Insecurity is unattractive. We all have insecurities yes. But in general being insecure about something is not an attractive quality. And if you are projecting that insecurity on your partner, that you feel inadequate because you are short it may be getting weird when they wear high heels and not standing next to your partner, getting upset and lashing out, and assuming they are checking out every guy who is taller. Having to deal with your insecurity is not good and it makes you act a certain way to your partner. It could be tearing them down to feel better about yourself and that quality isn't good.

It falls under that low self esteem umbrella. That you don't regard yourself as someone worthy and you're flawed because of this case your height. And it just leads to poor quality relationships and issues.

With an insecurity you just have to work with it and know it's just in your head. We all have them but learning to be at peace with it and just owning it because it's you. Is the first step.

It would be like a woman who's ex cheated on her. Which is valid (like being insecure about your height is valid). But now because she feels a certain way about that she is paranoid about it and feels inadequate and insecure. She becomes accusatory if you text back late and will send a barrage of angry texts/ bunch of missed calls. If you go out with friends she will accuse you of talking to other women. She will check your phone. Because she has an insecurity about being cheated on. But because she has this insecurity she is treating you poorly over it. It's not very attractive is it?

Dune587 · 2023-08-19T05:06:45+00:00

Women don’t want to publicly admit they aren’t attracted to short guys or bald guys because that would make them come off vain or judgemental, so they pretend it’s about “insecurity”. Women always make sure to be saying and doing things that are socially or politically acceptable, else they risk losing their standing in whatever social in-group they rely on. Men are more likely to speak their mind or buck trends because men can actually handle being ostracized without wanting to commit.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-08-18T06:12:59+00:00

I don't want anyone who is almost certain to become paranoid in innocent situations if a random factor shows up in them. Tall guys are random factors. If I'm working from home and the lawn mowing guy is tall...is he going to be worried I'll start fucking the lawn mowing guy? What about if we get a quote to paint the house and the painter is tall? What if he does something that could be interpreted as flirting like offering to paint some small thing that wasn't included in the quote.

Too much hassle. I don't want to live that way.

iliyb · 2023-08-18T06:00:12+00:00

They're both unattractive.

RadiantEarthGoddess · 2023-08-18T06:22:21+00:00

A guy being insecure about something body related isn't a turn off for me, that would be silly.

I do think though that if a short guy was insecure about his height specifically, that we wouldn't be a good match, because I am tall. I feel like he would have a problem with our height difference and being seen in public.

ThiccKoala710000 · 2023-08-18T07:23:20+00:00

It’s the same as men not being attracted to women who are insecure

Hyphalex · 2023-08-18T12:26:17+00:00

It's not insecurity that makes him unattractive. It's definitely the height itself, and any woman's insistence that It's the insecurity and not the subject matter is muddying the waters so she can kick you to the curb for it without judgment.

If a man was 6'6" and he voiced that he was insecure about it, you REALLY think the response is going to be ick? Hahahaha

As always, hide your insecurities. Be a STOIC short king and she'll respect you for it

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-08-18T10:53:21+00:00

I really don’t care for the guys height, but (especially when we first start dating) I don’t want him to start emotionally dumping his insecurities on me. Height is just something you can’t control and I just find it off putting to continuously whine about shit you can’t control, enjoy life and don’t give a fuck if some arsehole thinks your too unattractive because your short

dyngladfel · 2023-08-18T11:34:12+00:00

You don't logic your way into attraction. What I do and don't find attractive does not need to be fair, same as it is for anyone.

Existing-Sign4804 · 2023-08-18T18:58:10+00:00

It’s the attitude that develops as a result the insecurity. Men who have what we used to call “short man syndrome” are always looking for a fight. They put others down, are rude, abrasive and if they get a couple drinks in them, they will fight anyone. They aren’t good partners because they don’t treat their partners any better than anyone else.

Not all short men are like this. But enough are. No one cares if you’re short, just don’t be an asshole about it.

Difficult_Performer · 2023-08-18T08:16:33+00:00

Idk. Why are men unattracted to insecure women?? Probably the same answer. People like confidence/security traits over insecurity.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-08-18T12:52:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

JNRoberts42 · 2023-08-18T09:32:57+00:00

Are YOU not insecure about something about your body?

I actively dislike a couple features, but I can’t do anything about it, so fretting over it is a massive waste of energy. It’s easier just to accept the features which can’t be changed and relax and enjoy the body we’ve been given.

tinasnow-poty · 2023-08-18T09:34:25+00:00

I don’t understand this train of thought either. Being tall is sexy, that’s it. If I was a short guy I would be a little insecure about it too. You can’t let it ruin your life though.

What I do find a turn off is a perfectly average heighted man being insecure. Like a 5’9 guy being like woe is me I’m not 6ft. Look outside and see all the other 5’9 guys in relationships dummy. It’s like when you see a girl with a perfectly normal nose being like “Omg my nose is so huge I hate myself”. Get a grip

Novadina · 2023-08-18T06:06:09+00:00

I’m just not really attracted to insecure men, no matter what the topic is. I’ve found my own insecurities to turn men off as well, it’s just not an attractive trait.

Good-Fee-8681 · 2023-08-18T06:18:38+00:00

I have confidence being short or tall just being able to walk up to a beautiful lady and her actually being able to reciprocate or communicate properly height does not have to do anything with confidence just being able to be heard and understood and look at the opportunity for what it is not the height a man is insecure about his height can be a tall guy the big car or a small car so I don't really go into the insecurity I walk and I have bicycle if I need a young lady who has a car it's taller than me and she's very voluptuous I have a big enough confidence to be able to say I don't looking for some love

Icy-Pea-4397 · 2023-08-18T09:38:47+00:00

cause he keeps talking about his height/insecurities and its annoying. we like people who dgaf and just improve on their other aspects.

being short does make you less attractive just as having a huge nose makes a woman unattractive, or disproportionate body. its reality, u have to accept your shortcomings and improve upon things that can be changed

DreJ-X · 2023-08-18T13:34:27+00:00

Both are unattractive anyway. Women dont like them

1Here4Bach · 2023-08-18T13:46:13+00:00

Both are unattractive.

Safinated · 2023-08-18T14:36:34+00:00

Because being negative about anything is unattractive, but especially about yourself

I was really bad about this, not to be negative, but I fixed it and have been great ever since

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-08-18T15:08:14+00:00

Because confidence is hot and lack of confidence is not

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-08-18T17:38:57+00:00

Yes, it is the insecurity that makes him unattractive.

Every woman is insecure about something. So, yes I am. I really try to not harp on it with my partner because Im sure he'd be turned off by the thing if I showed my insecurity alot.

In my past relationships, men used my insecurities against me actually. They did not really have sympathy for me... so not sure what you're on about that. I didnt receive comfort, it was used against me (either right then or later) and with several I was criticized for not being confident.

I think its fine if a man is insecure about it. I'd just try to not show it that much. Me personally I dont mind my partner having insecurities, it really depends on how often it comes up, how much comfort he expects for it or how much it impacts our relationship.

Bikerbats · 2023-08-18T18:03:07+00:00

Nothing is more unattractive than a man who's down on himself dude. There is no debate in the world that will ever change that.

No_Marionberry99 · 2023-08-18T18:04:58+00:00

I’ve never heard someone getting rejected because they were insecure about being too tall

MidoriEgg · 2023-08-18T21:58:19+00:00

Unfortunately I think the only people who find insecurity explicitly attractive are people who like to be able to exploit those things in the relationship. We all have insecurities but I honestly think it’s safer not to be always open about them around people you don’t know well.

WistfulPuellaMagi · 2023-08-19T01:57:05+00:00

Insecurity isn’t attractive unless you’re specifically looking for insecure people to date.

ParallelArchitecture · 2023-08-19T16:05:03+00:00

Lmao are you so stupid you can't understand that the undesirable quality is how the insecurity causes short men to act in a way that's unattractive?

Are all of you just socially deprived or something?

Title	Q4W : Why is a guy being short not unattractive but a guy being insecure about being short unattractive?
Author	Cjaylyle
Upvotes	22
Comments	99
Date	August 18, 2023 5:30 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15ubdgr/q4w_why_is_a_guy_being_short_not_unattractive_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-why-is-a-guy-being-short-not-unattractive-but.1228885 https://theredarchive.com/post/1228885

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