do you feel as a man that you struggle with communication more in general due to being raised to talk less about your feelings?

Gary_Longbottom · 2024-02-12T09:03:37+00:00

You should read this article. https://www.centreformalepsychology.com/male-psychology-magazine-listings/are-men-less-willing-to-engage-in-traditional-talking-therapy-because-therapy-has-been-feminised

Men are much more likely to express emotional vulnerability in a group setting, around other men, and when the group is based around an activity. It is part of the reason that traditional therapy is so much less effective for men.

Creation_Soul · 2024-02-12T08:47:38+00:00

i don't know about others, but when I am upset/angry it is more cathartic to just do "something" than talk.

that something may sometimes be walking/running, punching a tree, screaming etc. Basically that way i let off steam and that allows me to focus on solving whatever upsets me.

I am not exactly sure if it's nature or nurture, but talking doesn't quite let off as much steam as doing "something".

Neptune-Jnr · 2024-02-12T12:27:53+00:00

I struggle with communication because I have to walk on eggshells not to be misinterpreted. Every conversation feels like a game I really don't want to play. If that makes sense.

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-02-12T09:46:22+00:00

I personally don't have any problems communicating my feelings. However there's just no point because 99% of people are incapable of understanding why I'm feeling a certain way no matter how clearly I explain it. I have to dumb everything down like they are a child until they finally get it.

And most people who ask you to open up are just looking for emotional porn to feed their ego and don't genuinely care about your issues. They will just tell you to go to a therapist.

Many women also cry, scream and roll on the floor when they get emotional so I'm not sure this is behavior limited to men. I think the average guy has more trouble vocalizing his feelings but that's mainly genetic.

AidsVictim · 2024-02-12T09:17:49+00:00

I wouldn't say I was particularly raised to talk or not talk about my feelings.

I feel that a lot of emphasis on it amounts to emotional masturbation that doesn't really accomplish much. And I don't think most women are really able to understand or have anything insightful to say about them if I was interested in talking about them.

Muscletov · 2024-02-12T08:43:53+00:00

I struggle with communication simply because my experience has been very negative throughout my life. Most of the time, I wasn't taken seriously, my feelings were invalidated and/or interpreted as personal attacks. Also, lots of men, including me, usually have tangible reasons causing their negative emotions and we prefer to solve these problems instead of talking about the resulting emotions.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2024-02-12T10:17:01+00:00

As a guy it's 100% ok to your advantage to talk about your feelings as long as they're positive feelings.

Negative feelings from a guy are not handled well by pretty much anyone and you'd have to be pretty dumb to bring up negative feelings around a chick you're seeing, unless it's to show how mentally strong you are after you already overcame a difficult situation. If you need to let out negative feelings you need to hire a shrink or go for a run, and not open up about it in a relationship. It is what it is.

MikeArrow · 2024-02-12T10:03:27+00:00

My family situation was such that there wasn't anyone I could really talk to when I was struggling. If I brought up issues to my mother or my sister they'd say something like "well why don't you just...?" Basically saying "your problem isn't really a problem, because here's an obvious solution for it".

They were also very quick to write me off as just lazy or having my head in the clouds instead of realizing that I probably have real, legitimate mental issues preventing me from doing things.

So yeah, I just shut up most of the time and tried my best to do what was expected of me.

Later in life when I got a girlfriend I was very hot and cold with her, very moody and sullen when she was upset with me because I couldn't handle it. I just felt like the worst boyfriend in the world because I couldn't do basic things.

izoldetales · 2024-02-12T19:44:19+00:00

Can we stop this lie about women being some " Legendary level " controller of emotions and men are some losers who want to express vulnerability. First men make around 99% of the greatest people to ever land on this earth, the price was always to work harder and more in a way that there is almost no time to express emotion or even rest .Also emotions aren't only made of vulnerability there is happiness anger sadness love ... And it's obvious that men express those emotions more than women . It's we'll known that women don't confess or express their love towards men first or even ever , women now are less emotional than even yet we still lie to men about " opening up " while encouraging women to show less emotions and it's even hypocritical since women always complain about playing the emotional role so why people want to throw the emotional role on men while men are expressing emotions just fine .

abaxeron · 2024-02-12T10:29:23+00:00

do you feel as a man that you struggle with communication more in general due to being raised to talk less about your feelings?

No.

My only problem with feelings was (and successfully got fixed) that I allowed women fond of emotionally torturing me (such as screaming at me because I shed a tear) walk all over me. But then the funniest thing happened. First, it turns out I can cut them out of my life completely, and it's perfectly fine and allowed. No matter how much of a close relative such a woman is. And even if they try to cling and stalk, I can even just call cops on them. Second, if you truly, TRULY confront them and relay to them in the clearest terms possible that this behavior will not be tolerated, they tend to fall off and abandon you by themselves.

I don't need a woman that would tolerate me crying and not immediately find me unattractive because of it. I never needed such a woman. I always needed a woman that does not make me feel like I want to cry.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-02-12T11:51:24+00:00

The men you reference sound like ones who have been told and urged to be more emotional and tap into their feelings. Whether you like the result or not is somewhat irrelevant because it’s kind of the default men go to when given such advice.

The communication styles of men and women are fairly different and I think that’s why the best relationships I see are the ones where each person is very much aware of the others nature, how they operate/communicate, and roll with it.

What I’ve found is that women focus on how communication makes them feel, which can be both information and/or tone related, and I focus on the content of the message for utility and divorcing how I feel about it. I see guys make the mistake all of the time of not understanding this difference, taking on dumbass arguments in good faith thinking if they just DEER the correct way they will be understood, and things blow up.

The only time I’ve seen any kind of net positive occur from having feelings shared are if it’s in a post hoc context having overcome something. Otherwise, good luck on having any of it taken seriously.

raldabos · 2024-02-12T18:32:54+00:00

Not at all. I feel like it's hard to express feelings in a way women expect or are satisfied about it.

Background-Map-7243 · 2024-02-12T08:39:25+00:00

No it's more bc my feelings and needs are not evaluated, so talking about them could only make things worse

CraftyCooler · 2024-02-12T08:30:21+00:00

I wouldn't call it a struggle - for me talking about emotions is just silly trend promoted in media, it's maybe good for women because they seem to like following trends, but for men it is counterproductive. Men should take actions - not babble about bullshit.

bottleblank · 2024-02-12T09:22:29+00:00

No, I struggle with communication because there's nobody to communicate with and, even where there is, no fucker will actually listen (and if you expect anybody to actually do anything in order to help, you're going to be disappointed).

Despite the immense stress that causes, I have never once acted violently towards anybody or even any inanimate object.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2024-02-12T08:52:27+00:00

It's certainly experience-related, be it culture, upbringing, innate tendencies in general, and a mix of all that and then some. And yeah, I think women are better "trained" overall. That said, a motivated guy can close the gap pretty quickly.

Along that line, I personally think it's a matter of incentives, because people in general are miserly with effort, but will respond to incentives. If the difference between bare minimum and effort is minimal, then we get bare minimum. If fuckbois couldn't find success by sending 'u up' texts at 2am for example, then their niche wouldn't exist.

Anecdotally, I still get the sense that men are allowed to wallow only if it's also paired with action or some sense of resolution (like a reassurance that it sucks right now but they will ultimately be okay). It's not always conscious, but I find that men who wallow without doing something like this kill attraction toward themselves quickly. So they learn to shut up shop, or find ways to be strategic about it.

ThatLeval · 2024-02-12T10:41:42+00:00

It's a combination of two things imo

The first being that Men are taught that doing something about whatever is bothering you will feel better than sitting crying and talking in depth about it. Getting out of limbo and resolving an unresolved issue will leave you emotionally in a better place than going towards despair and depression

The second thing is that Women are far far far less physically capable and they have adapted to that reality by engaging in society with less physical aggression because there are greater consequences for them. Plus Men have made it taboo to physically engage with a Woman in the same way they would a Man. So in the absence of that Women have adapted and have had to compensate by learning to communicate better in those circumstances. Whereas between Men there's always the threat of physical violence that can erase any ground made through civil communication. That's why the "Men struggle with communication" is only a thing when Men are speaking to Women and it's not a thing when Men are speaking with other Men

Dr_Click_Click_Boom · 2024-02-12T11:10:58+00:00

I feel that as a man I struggle with communication less because I was raised to be direct and not beat around the bush when talking to others.

favabeansandwine · 2024-02-12T16:06:32+00:00

My mother was a feelings nuclear reactor. A damaged one. My father tries to be stoic and use humor to deflect with near disastrous results. This clearly had an impact on me.

I'm pretty Type A / OCD so my mental health is probably a matter of being a hypochondriac.

But, I've been in therapy on and off for most of my adult life.

So, that said, I'm pretty in touch with my emotions but one thing I can with absolute confidence. It's good for a man to have emotional intelligence, especially about himself. HOWEVER, it is sexual suicide to express this knowledge at the expense of stoicism around women.

"Maintain frame" is not just something Red Pill says. Women sometimes find an "emotive" man initially appealing, but she's simply attracted to a projection of an ideal self.

I find the best persona for me to portray is calm under fire, stoic, with a bit of gritty sarcasm and humor for the cherry on top.

SoldierExcelsior · 2024-02-13T16:16:33+00:00

I never understood all this therapy nonsense It's BS in my opinion...

Its not that men are raised to talk less about their feelings its generally the response we get when talking about our feelings is not helpful..

I told some one I got a flat tire his response" you should buy better tires"

I told someone I failed an exam his response "who's fault is that"

I told someone my girl broke up with me his response" what did you do"

I told some one my job is stressing me out his response :you should quit"

I told someone I lost my wallet his response "your always loosing stuff"

I told someone my friend drives like a maniac, his response "so do you"

I told someone I got fired his response "I'm not surprised"

I told someone I smashed my finger " his response "you always got problems"...Mind you I only see this guy once a week.

Any way I find talking to most men about anything is useless talking to a therapist is useless...Talking to a woman can be nice they generally have better responses and are more empathetic but if you problem pile on them they will dry up like the Sahara...so if you have any sexual interest in a woman don't tell her anything...furthermore if your not attractive she won't be interested in hearing your problems...

Over the years I've learned to keep stuff to myself no one cares about your problems unless your a child a woman or attractive man.

It's best to figure it out on your own and and keep moving forward..Also women will use it against you later anything you tell them.

odd_cloud · 2024-02-12T09:43:51+00:00

In my personal experience, communicating your feeling is quite pointless. So I kinda have stopped doing it since the age of 10-12. You see, the reactions of people to me having feelings are like “you feel what? You better feel normal right now”.

If I talk to my parents about my problems, they say that I have been always undisciplined and played computer games. Once I told a friend about my fear and he said “sucks to be you”. When I’m tired my partner scoffs and is visibly discontented I lay around.

Also, you mentioned that you think inability to talk about feelings is a part of”of the problem”. What problem do you mean?

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babazuki · 2024-02-12T09:53:57+00:00

What ever the guy's issue is, it's the same as a woman that cries, screams, breaks things, and throws tantrums.

Why is this even a question for men? This is a question for people that can't emotionally regulate and I really doubt there's more men like this than women.

tendrils87 · 2024-02-12T10:16:22+00:00

No. People only have issues with communication when congruency doesn't exist. If you say something you better back it up with actions.

DarayRaven · 2024-02-12T12:59:37+00:00

Listen l don't struggle with communication about my feelings, at least in the exaggerated way you framed it, in your post

I just don't prefer talking about them constantly like society incentives me to do, but if l really need someone to talk with, then l just hit up a brother

wtknight · 2024-02-12T13:08:01+00:00

No. I wasn’t raised that way.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-02-12T13:21:58+00:00

I don't struggle to talk about my feelings to some of my mates, but I will never do it in front of a woman cause all they do is losing respect and attraction to you.

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-02-12T16:29:05+00:00

It's more feelings of insecurity that are shameful and hard to talk about, especially when you are younger and male. Like, I never had to cry or rant and rave, but for me it would manifest as feeling bad or depressed and not really knowing why and not feeling safe enough to explore why, or knowing what to do with it.

It was embarrassing to not know what to do, for example, but also embarrassing to ask or admit that. Sometimes not without reason; many people expect guys to just know stuff somehow. I think it's gotten a little better in recent years though. One nice thing about the internet is that it often reminds us that we all have to be beginners at some point.

Although I do hear some older guys saying they feel like failures because they haven't succeeded as much in life, so maybe it changes but never really ends.

Zabadoodude · 2024-02-12T16:55:01+00:00

I feel like it's made me better at communicating my feelings, because I was taught to have control of my emotions. I'm able to remain calm and articulate the feelings that need to be communicated, and not let them bubble over at inappropriate times.

I found many women that think they're good at communicating, just communicate a lot, which isn't the same thing.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-02-12T18:59:17+00:00

At first, yes, now not so much. My family is stoic and arguably emotionally stunted. Strong emotions were usually treated as an annoyance. I gradually came to understand that not everyone is like this. From my teenage years I became quite expressive emotionally because it seemed so freeing. With guy friends, with girls who were friends, and eventually girlfriends.

I'm sure by childhood still influences me in some way, but being older (40) the way I express myself is mostly influenced by conscious and unconscious understanding of what is likely to be accepted or rejected in certain contexts. At least I think it is. I still share a lot of emotions with people. I'm very open to people as early as possible in any relationship. I believe this is endearing to most people, though I don't do it for that reason. There are many more situations where this is accepted and embraced by people and only a few to avoid.

Unlovesick · 2024-02-12T19:24:57+00:00

Not really. I did at first, but that's different now. If anything, I find that women kind of suck at communicating in the sense that they seem reluctant about being straightforward with people - that's been my personal experience at least. Who knows, maybe I just suck at communicating with women.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-02-13T05:18:16+00:00

Men don't like to talk about their feelings because most women lose respect for a man and also being open and vulnerable as a man is risky because during fights you all throw out vulnerabilities in our face

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2024-02-13T12:34:02+00:00

I have no issues understanding how to open up. I just choose not to. I wasn’t raised to be overly sensitive or overly stoic. Adulthood and dealing women is how I know that most of the time, life is just easier and less stressful if I just keep my mouth shut.

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2024-02-13T14:57:06+00:00

I’ve never had trouble expressing myself or understanding my feelings or anything like that. I have been and am circumspect in how I divulge those feelings and thoughts.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2024-02-13T19:33:30+00:00

As a man I’m not scared to talk about how I feel, but at the same time I don’t just trauma dump on anyone willing to listen. You shouldn’t be expressing them to everyone you meet and this is a reason I think women have 10x more drama. They tell their business to everyone and some of this people only ask so they can talk about it with other people

Title	do you feel as a man that you struggle with communication more in general due to being raised to talk less about your feelings?
Author	AnonPinkLady
Upvotes	10
Comments	143
Date	February 12, 2024 8:15 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1aov59c/do_you_feel_as_a_man_that_you_struggle_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-feel-as-a-man-that-you-struggle-with.1245195 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245195

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