[IG] Nice Guys Listen Up

ckfighter2 · 2014-08-06T11:48:13+00:00

I remember when I used to be a "Nice Guy". It was very obvious in college I had no idea what I was doing and had no understanding of women.

As a result I became a late bloomer and didn't really start getting it until around 23-24. But hey better late than never, and since then I have become much more secure and confident and the results are showing.

AJRexworth · 2014-08-06T14:25:56+00:00

Something to think about: People tend to polarize this topic... like if women don't want nice guys then their only other option is an asshole. This is not the case. You can find plenty of examples of men who treat women well and who are genuinely nice and yet they don't compromise themselves.

I've found the big game changers are cultivating some self-respect (if you don't know how to do this, start reading up on it), deciding upon some healthy boundaries that, if crossed, carry consequences , and most importantly, being willing to stand behind your principles, even if that means you risk losing someone you really wanted in your life. Do not do trade in your self-worth for any reason. It's never worth the trade-off and sooner or later, the person you traded your integrity for will leave you precisely because of that.

hewatches · 2014-08-06T11:43:55+00:00

Good points, even thou the delivery was about as gentle as a dick in the ass. But sometimes, truth hurts. And for anyone who reads through this and finds an image of themselves, don't worry, you are not alone and there is help.

HighendBark · 2014-08-06T08:10:53+00:00

This was exactly what i needed.

I have been trying ot always be the nice guy who does his best to satisfy the girl no mather what! How do i stop this behaviour and how do i love myself more. I think i kinda lika myself. i like myself more then i did 2 years ago atleast. I've got my second date with a girl on friday, don't wanna fuck up!

redditor323 · 2014-08-06T14:24:06+00:00

I used to be really bad in terms of being the "nice guy". I couldn't understand why girls always said I was such a nice guy, yet I couldn't get any girls. I read the book No More mr. Nice Guy and it really put things into perspective. It's basically what this guy wrote but in more detail. I really suggest any "nice guy" who wants to change and get out of that mind set, read it. It's a good intro book to getting better.

dooyoufondue · 2014-08-06T15:01:38+00:00

Fantastic comments. So true. I am sure like a lot of men, I saw some of my old behaviors here and nodded my head in agreement as I read it.

The last point especially was familiar. I remember being very insecure and going for the hard luck cases, the weirdos, the damaged. I have what I call "white knight syndrome" it was very important to me to "rescue" these women and try to prove how I felt about them instead of you know, just telling them. It seems so ridiculous and naive now. Of course it never worked out for the exact reasons you state in this post.

All "nice guys" who are having difficulty finding someone would do themselves a favor to read these comments and reflect on them.

Thank you for posting this!

kodozoku · 2014-08-06T15:59:12+00:00

Mandatory mention of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

If this 4chan copypasta resonates with you at all, read the damned book.

Guitaromnom · 2014-08-06T10:40:48+00:00

this reminds me of the book no more mr.nice guy, but like an in your face STFU and listen summary.

troubledgeek · 2014-08-06T18:31:20+00:00

My issue is that I feel having a relationship will be the only way I can be happy. I don't understand how I can be happy any other way. Things won't make me happy, but I find people do. When you think about it, do you not do everything out of finding happiness?

ObitusSol · 2014-08-06T20:19:34+00:00

Oh god this is still going on? The perpetual quest for poon. A young mans game but a gentlemen's hobby. Listen, If you're a nice guy, don't worry. Just be yourself. The whole alpha thing theory was brought about by some guy studying wolves in the forest about 40 years ago. He has since redacted his former findings and found that the whole pack works together to survive by cooperating. ooh cooperation - an act or instance of working or acting together for a common purpose or benefit; joint action. But ok you really believe in the alpha theory. And you really want to handle women, and not be a nice guy because that's bad somehow. AND some badass guy will come along and steal your woman because you're too nice. Well I got news for you, she wasn't a quality woman to begin with if she leaves you. Women, just as much as men, are shit bags too. Reason being, they're human. And a whole bunch of shit comes along with being human. The whole theory of alpha maleness and trying to be alpha is exactly putting women on a pedestal. Be this way to get the prize. The prize being the affection or tactile stimulation of women. The woman is still on a pedestal. Regardless if you believe you are alpha or beta or what the fuck ever Greek alphabetical letter your manhood has been categorized into, you can get laid, married, shit have kids even! Unpossible you say?! Just be yourself shit head! If you're nice, you're nice. Nothing is wrong with that. If the girl leaves you because you're nice fuck that particular individual. Not all nice guys are insecure. I will say, however, that naive guys are insecure. Just because they're inexperienced and probably not comfortable or used to dealing with highly attractive members of the opposite sex. But keep in mind being highly attractive is only one trait, and the most common sought after trait. Very vain and also very naive. The point of human interaction is of mutual benefit and enjoyment. When you can be comfortable and confident with the human being you are you can achieve that. Regardless if you're a "nice guy" or Alpha or Omega or what the fuck ever. We are all human. And we are the manifestation of our own imaginations... Meaning; We are what we believe we are.

TL;DR Nice guy or Alpha, bottom line is the ability to be comfortable and confident about who you are.

forseti_ · 2014-08-06T23:12:16+00:00

Nice Guy here. I have a question.

I fall into a stupid oneitis for a girl at work. I know, bad thing to do. But she didn't like this job and was about to leave next month.

One thing that went wrong is that I didn't really open up to her. And she started shit-testing me and playing games. I called her yesterday, because something was going wrong. She said everything is fine, but I know something was wrong. Today I saw her at work again. We sat next to each other and some other guy, who was new there was flirting with her. He was our supervisor today. She played along and even enforced it. Being not at work I would have told him to piss off, but I need this job - so I couldn't do it. I just sat there being pissed.

When she left, I was so pissed about it that I followed her and said: "I don't put up with your stupid games! It's over!" and I left. A few minutes later I got a text message from her. She offered to explain what went wrong. I didn't respond until a few minutes before reading this post.

I just texted the most nice guy message imaginable. Whining around about my insecurities towards her. That I need this job to finance the university and just couldn't tell this guy to fuck off even if I wanted.

I get it, it's over now.

But how should I have behaved instead?

ContemplativeOctopus · 2014-08-07T04:38:23+00:00

Can we sidebar this, it answers like 90% of the questions on here.

I always worried about dating because all I heard was guys complaining 24/7 about how nice guys always get dumped. It wasn't until much later that I realized these guys were the types that were summed up perfectly by this picture and they just couldn't take responsibility for their own faults. This bothers the hell out of me and I wish I could tell this to every kid when they grew up so they wouldn't make the same stupid mistakes and go on to bitch and complain about women for the rest of their lives.

fuck I hate people sometimes

HighendBark · 2014-08-06T09:13:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

epic_pig · 2014-08-06T14:15:26+00:00

I think this is a relevant response.

verixtrix · 2014-08-07T00:49:55+00:00

Damn. This post has made me realize to man the fuck up and take action in my love life and life itself. Reddit the life changing site.

drock2417 · 2014-08-07T07:02:46+00:00

Being nice is not lacking confidence. There are a lot of self absorbed bitches who are so used to being treated like shit it all they know. Be nice, live your life as a decent person, and let the idiots live their shitty lives....

ExpendableOne · 2014-08-07T00:44:17+00:00

lol... wtf. This entire thing is just completely insulting to nice guys, and to women in general. The vast majority of those nice guys don't do any of that over-the-top stuff, and if they try it's not like it's really the end of the world(the intent is still benevolent). I can't imagine all women would be so incredibly biased against nice guys as to project so much negative bullshit onto their persona, or to be so obsessed with living into this passive/submissive gender role that a guy being too nice becomes such a major problem for them.

It's also completely disregarding the observations and experiences of countless men out there. When nice guys talk about how baffling it is that women pick assholes over them, it's typically because they have witnessed first hand women choosing to start/stay in relationships with dismissing, inconsiderate, unappreciative and emotionally manipulative/abusive men(sometimes even physically abusive), who will openly treat them like shit. That stuff doesn't just come out of nowhere. It's not the results of some jaded guys with big imaginations. There are typically some very legitimate points about the arguments they make.

And pointing out the common denominator in stories about nice guys finding themselves belittled, dismissed, insulted or rejected because they were too nice, doesn't mean that the problem lies solely on those nice guys. Bad attitudes, sexism and negative predisposition can most certainly be held and reinforced by majorities. Why not try to speak up and do something about it, instead of just ignoring the problem?

Tatersalad99 · 2014-08-06T15:40:22+00:00

This is why guys should bring up very opinionated subjects into conversation with a woman. If she's talking about her friends, family, coworkers and she's describing something stupid they've done, call them out on it. Call them idiots and when she says, aww that's not nice, don't back down. When talking about politics, be true to your thoughts on it and disagree with hers if they truly disagree with yours. The point is, show her that you're not going to simply agree with her on everything like some nice guy would. In your mind you'll think, damn she probably hates me after some of the shit I said tonight. You'll be very confused when you can basically dictate where the rest of the night goes.

ihaveabu · 2014-08-06T14:42:17+00:00

I think this post is relevant to most of the male population of Reddit... and the internet.

If not completely, at least in some small way everyone sees a bit of themselves in this post.

LarryLove · 2014-08-06T16:44:25+00:00

I definitely saw some of myself in there, especially the "hard luck" case fixer. I'll get this right.

knewlife · 2014-08-06T16:49:46+00:00

I was told by a woman recently I'm arrogant. I don't think that's true. But I took it as an improvement over 'nice guy.' I don't believe there are nice guys. The guys who like themselves and are confident aren't usually nice guys. They're good guys. The nice guy usually doesn't turn out to be according to many women. They are putting on a performance and are really passive/aggressive, insecure assholes. That's just what I've read and heard. So.. I'm glad to be no longer the nice guy because I used to fit that category quite well.

agumonkey · 2014-08-06T16:58:22+00:00

I feel like someone put a sensor in my mind and converted the data into text.

Blueberry314E-2 · 2014-08-07T02:32:43+00:00

We need to stop using the term 'nice guys' to describe these people. These guys are not nice guys, they might be 'nice' to her, but they always have ulterior motives. Ulterior motives are not nice. True nice guys exist, in fact they are everywhere, and they usually do just fine with women.

PhilosophizingCowboy · 2014-08-07T03:37:35+00:00

What is this, high school?

When you say nice guy I believe you mean: clingy. Why are you trying to combine them?

An asshole is someone who tells his woman what to wear and which guys she is allowed to talk to. Who tries to pick fights to impress a chick. Who buys expensive shit to impress someone or runs around the gym talking about his 'max bench'. An asshole is someone who will make fun of a guy in front of a girl because he thinks he'll impress her.

Dont be am asshole and you'll probably end up as a nice guy.

Stupid women will chase the asshole. Smart women will chase the nice guy. Simple.

FlyingDutchman69 · 2014-08-07T03:58:22+00:00

This is 100% me... how do I stop?! It literally explained me... and my situation with a girl. Sigh. She uses me 100% and has lead me on for years... is there any way to change my ways and have her see that or am I screwed? (I know all of you will just rage and saw move on, but some real advice that could help my situation would be rad... as I have invested a lot of time into this)

Blueberry_Yum_Yum · 2014-08-07T05:52:17+00:00

Shit man, I don't identify myself as a "nice guy," but the part about picking girls that have some sort of issue/personality disorder to them really put things in perspective really fast. I've always done this and been completely oblivious to it, this pretty much took off the blindfold from my eyes.

galletito · 2014-08-07T07:14:10+00:00

At first glance I assumed this would be a mega douchey article about the benefits of treating girls like objects. But I stand corrected. This was straight up truth. Particularly the end. Gained a lot from this, thank you.

crazymayze · 2014-08-07T18:17:17+00:00

Okay, I have been working on this for some time now. After repeatedly failing in my past relationships. I finally stopped being the nice guy, worked out again, and walked with confident. However, I still see virtues bleed through every now and then from "Nice Guy"

I now have a girl that I talk to that loves the attention of talking and hanging out constantly. She keeps telling me to not hold back and that she loves every second. I have been nice but genuine to her showing chivalry and all. This is where my "Nice Guy" bleeds through. I sometimes notice that I seem too clingy, but she loves it. I've noticed this and have tried to put a little space. I have not stopped thinking about my needs at all. I have time I spend with work friends and personal friends, I continue to work out, and I still walk with confident.

My only concern is how do I prevent these bleeding moments? The moment's that she says she loves so much. I mean don't get me wrong I have confidence that I could get other girls and I don't necessarily need this girl, but I genuinely want to keep getting to know her and share my interest with her.

enzo32ferrari · 2014-08-14T06:15:57+00:00

"They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention rather than for the simple pleasure of giving."

This particularly struck a chord with me.

HighendBark · 2014-08-06T11:14:46+00:00

Is it just me or is it just a bad way to insult convinced nice guys? Because... They're thinking they're doing nothing wrong. Therefore insulting them, won't change their minds and kill every oppurtunity for you to give them help. You're now the 'asshole', the 'predator' they want to protect their prey from.

FrankiesFifthFinger · 2014-08-06T14:52:31+00:00

Addenum: trim the pubes

itsmevichet · 2014-08-06T15:54:25+00:00

Given the source, I was waiting for that to turn into some sort of elaborate trolling attempt so I skipped to the bottom. I can't tell if I was disappointed or not.

lanngc · 2014-08-06T18:20:27+00:00

4chan, must be true

squigs · 2014-08-06T19:19:40+00:00

Okay, isn't this just copy-pasta from here? Seems polite to link to the source.

I think most people here are aware of this though

dLat · 2014-08-07T01:36:08+00:00

Today, OP was a cool guy.

dialdfordesi · 2014-08-07T02:38:03+00:00

Isn't there a difference between being kind and being submissive and praise seeking, though?

jackmee · 2014-08-07T04:39:47+00:00

I love it when 4Chan gets serious about something

risethirtynine · 2014-08-07T06:48:41+00:00

Does anyone have a text copy of this? Looking to copy it to my reference journal.

blueberrybonds · 2014-08-07T10:29:21+00:00

ahhh 4chan. it's like your homophobic wise uncle that says a gem every once in a while

LeRick11 · 2014-08-07T16:57:20+00:00

Sounds like someone has been reading No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover

LeRick11 · 2014-08-07T16:58:25+00:00

Regardless of if we know it or not us "nice guys" are actually very manipulative in a subconscious way

erthian · 2014-08-07T18:25:51+00:00

A lot of women could use this advice...

FueledUp · 2014-08-13T21:04:30+00:00

I'm a nice guy, still doesn't mean I let girls pull me around like a dog. I've never been friend-zoned in my entire life because I don't let it happen. Still doesn't mean all my relationships were perfect, though. Some people are going to be bitches, assholes no matter how fucking awesome you are.

geckofishknight · 2014-08-06T16:51:43+00:00

whoever wrote this probably has an std

slurmfactory · 2014-08-06T13:25:17+00:00

great post. love the tldr. "dont be such a clingy fag or shell leave you for me" hahah

Gamma_Male_ · 2014-08-08T02:49:25+00:00

"Don't be insecure, just like yourself, be yourself and go after what you want." Sounds clear and easy right? Wrong! Contrary to what you're told in the community hitting the gym, upgrading your wardrobe and even getting laid won't help. Wish it was that easy!

Title	[IG] Nice Guys Listen Up
Author	elttek99
Upvotes	992
Comments	153
Date	August 6, 2014 7:27 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2crnmv/ig_nice_guys_listen_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ig-nice-guys-listen-up.1374676 https://theredarchive.com/post/1374676

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