"You can change your weight, but we can't change our height" is a failed attempt to shame women's preferences

wtknight · 2024-12-15T23:22:54+00:00

Removed. No posts about looks.

Bikerbats · 2024-12-15T18:21:35+00:00

First, full disclosure: I actually mod r/short, so I deal with these issues on the daily. I also stand a staggering 5'1" (155cm) myself, with pictures in my profile.

Short guys aren't saying this to shame women's preferences. The ones who parrot this, are typically young, lonely, and most importantly, scared to death that they're always going to be lonely because of their stature. They aren't trying to shame anyone, they're simply reacting to their own pain and misery. Also, as I said, they're young, so they have difficulty managing said emotions. The vast majority of them will outgrow it.

Zabadoodude · 2024-12-15T18:08:56+00:00

Sure. You can like whatever you like. But people will often get butt-hurt when you express a preference that excludes them. Even if they don't know you and had no intention of dating you. This is definitely also true when men here express their preferences.

Lovers691 · 2024-12-15T18:39:56+00:00

First of all, I do not understand why people see a man's height and a woman's weight as synonymous to eachother. The 2 are entirely different things.

Because a woman's weight and a man's height are physically factors related to the body that men and women respectively place a lot of stock in but less so for the woman's height and man's weight.

I believe when guys challenge women in this way they are telling them "I can have my preferences, but you can't have yours, therefore, you need to appreciate us all", which is crazy...

"You can change your weight, but we can't change our height" is brought up either as a way to show that women's preferences are just as "shallow"/physically driven as men's or as part of a greater argument to make women think critically about their height preferences or to show that the male desirability factors are much harder to change than females.

Second, as much as some women value taller men, there are men who equally desire women who are short. There are a lot of dudes who like to feel tall to their gfs, and those who also feel insecure when she is close to his height, or taller than him. So I don't understand why shame women for something than men also prepetuate.

This is empirically false, the available research on this tells us that women desire tall men(not taller, tall) more than men desiring short or shorter women. Women want men/are most satisfied with men 9.8"(25cm) taller than them while men want/are most satisfied with women 2.8cm(7cm) shorter than them(btw height preference for men is less than the height differences between the sexes).

Livid-Log7463 · 2024-12-15T18:27:50+00:00

I agree it’s not actually comparable only because weight is so much of a lower bar to pass, and not even need to pass in the first place, but the reality is that there is no traits that women can even possibly possess that are scrutinized as much as if a man possessed the same or similar traits both emotionally and physically.

There is especially no similar trait in women that is akin to men’s height because there exists no such homogeneous standard among men, nothing comes close.

farnort · 2024-12-15T20:03:41+00:00

Dating is exclusive and discriminatory.

When someone excludes you, it can feel bad. But it is what it is.

Men and women are entitled to whatever standards and preferences they want.

Hunkar888 · 2024-12-15T18:53:04+00:00

No man shames women for having preferences, they shame women for acting like men aren’t allowed to have preferences. Fine if you prefer someone 6ft, but we can also prefer whatever we want.

fucksiclepizza · 2024-12-15T18:59:09+00:00

I think they forget men can be fat too.

MidoriEgg · 2024-12-15T20:13:52+00:00

Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but some people are dicks about it (ie, saying disparaging things about those who don’t fit their preferences completely out of pocket). If you don’t like fat women or short men don’t date them, but it’s possible to do that without also making rude comments.

Every_Pirate_7471 · 2024-12-15T18:16:21+00:00

I would just say that if men are supposed to appreciate all women for their authentic, self-realized beings then yes, women should show that same courtesy to men. It doesn’t mean everyone has to be attracted to everyone or be everyone’s friend or anything, but it does mean you should have a basic level of respect for others.

MaxDureza · 2024-12-15T18:13:05+00:00

80% of Americans are overweight or obese. This is not natural or normal at all. It's not just the men that would be happy if women lost weight, their parents, siblings, and friends would be as well if they overall became healthier as people.

In the modern age there is no excuse to be fat. You can consult a nutritionist or dietician, hire a personal trainer and Planet Fitness is $10-15/month. You can Google what are healthy foods or ask ChatGPT to make you a meal plan with your favorite foods. If you are really lazy or just flat out in denial of how much food you eat--heck you can get Ozempic, Monjouro, & Wegovy now.

I do weightloss coaching and personal training. People just don't want to lose weight. 🤷‍♂️

Spicy_take · 2024-12-15T18:09:50+00:00

Men don’t have height preferences. Or more accurately, we do, it just lands in the middle of average, so it’s not an issue. The fact is that men were shamed first. You can scroll through any dating app and find loads of women with height requirements. This is seen as normal. If a man puts “no fat women please”, he’s considered a shallow pig.

They are comparable precisely because it’s what we each value.

Exotic_Cheetah5918 · 2024-12-15T20:28:22+00:00

The comment about men preferring women who are shorter is a bit misplaced. While this is technically true, most study show that men prioritize a height differential much less than women, and by a wide margin. For instance, I have almost always had crushes on women my own height. One could equally well bring up that plenty of women don’t want to date an overweight man, but it’s a much lower priority concern for (most) women in the same way that height is a lower concern for men.

I think I mostly agree with the rest, however. I don’t think most men saying this are using this comparison to imply that women should lower their standards. It’s descriptive rather than prescriptive. It’s just to point out a discrepancy that men’s standards can be met while women’s (at least this particular standard one) are in regard to things that are completely immutable. I think that most men who feel anguish over their inability to date feel depressed because it’s largely a very powerless situation to be in, and standards like this contribute to that.

Absentrando · 2024-12-15T21:00:41+00:00

Yes, it’s similar to the cope that some women have about male preferences for lower body count and not obese women. Attraction is not something you can guilt people to

El_Hombre_Fiero · 2024-12-15T22:15:15+00:00

When I was on the dating apps, it wasn't uncommon to see women's profiles with demeaning phrases about men's height (e.g., "real men above 6 ft only", "if you aren't taller than me in 4" heels, swipe left", "I need to feel like a woman next to my man"). By and large, most dating apps do not allow any similar types of phrases from men towards women. If a man were to write on his bio, "no women above 150 lbs" or "big women swipe left", his account would be banned within a day.

To your three points, it's more about setting reasonable standards. If a man says that he is looking for a woman who is within a healthy weight range, he's probably looking at 60% of all women. At least online, women seem to have settled onto this 6' number as some minimum standard for height. Less than 15% of men in the US meet that. And if a majority of women are aiming for men 6' and up, you're creating a big imbalance in the number of potential mates available for both sexes. Yes, men would like to be taller than their girlfriends as well. However, I imagine more men would make an exception and date a woman taller than him compared to a woman making an exception and dating a man shorter than her.

drunk_panda_k · 2024-12-15T22:40:53+00:00

So if men can like what they like in women, women can too.

A totally acceptable take and one I can agree with.

That said, I think some women treat short men in the same way someone might treat a lazy person or a messy person, as if it's a choice for them. It's one of the few traits a man cannot realistically change so it's naturally going to piss shorter men off when women have that preference as it's not something they can control or improve.

A fat woman can lose weight, workout to improve her ass, and even get a tit job and be attractive to the vast majority of men. A man can't get a height job (unless he wants to break bones and do a high-risk surgery that isn't realistic). Height is definitely one of those things that will lower a man's dating pool by a significant margin, yet outside of age--which is still somewhat controlled for by lifestyle/work ethic--there is no such comparable factor for women that I can think of. Also, most men don't care about the height of a woman as long as the woman doesn't tower over him. There is no equivalent preference for short women as you alluded to, which isn't to say some men don't prefer shorter women. It's just not in the same ballpark.

Again, preferences are totally fine. People who get upset that preferences exist are often blind to their own. That said, the knee-jerk reaction around height is completely understandable. It's such an prevalent preference for many women that shorter men will naturally feel powerless in those situations. After all, it's not a reflection of their abilities, work ethic, or anything else in their control.

And to add to this if I may, short men need to get over this preference and stop using it against women as if they themselves don't have preferences. One can't fault what others find attractive (attraction is not really a choice).

Plenty of women may see tall men as preference but most don't have it as a deal breaker. No amount of self pity is going to make a shorter man more attractive to any woman. I've had enough success in the dating scene (as a 5'7 dude) to know it's not the only thing that matters.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2024-12-15T18:06:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Any-Feature-4057 · 2024-12-15T18:46:37+00:00

Height for women and weight for men aren’t comparable tho. The comparable sexual attraction would be height for women and breast size for man

Height for making the man more masculine and breast size for making the women more feminine.

They are pretty comparable. Man want women which has bigger breast size than the man themselves and women want man who is taller than the women themselves. And this is the case 99% of the people. Majority women have bigger breast size than the man and majority man are taller than the women

Most man and women aren’t into that physicality things either. Most man and women actually prefer having beautiful face than body

Even if you have small breast size, as long you are pretty and the breast size is bigger than the men. You will get a man

Even if you are short guy, as long you are pretty and you are taller than women even for 1 inch. You will get a girl

bluepvtstorm · 2024-12-15T18:38:04+00:00

Every single one of my preferences comes from a bad previous experience. Date men with kids, nope. Date men who make less money, nope. Date conservative men, nope. Date men below my height, nope. Date a dude not deemed attractive, nope.

Every single time I give someone who goes against my norms it’s always an issue. So I just don’t anymore.

Isn’t that what men say we should do. Learn and do better. So by process of elimination, men get crossed off the list.

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Odd-Fun-9557 · 2024-12-15T18:44:02+00:00

Preferences and deal breakers are not synonymous. A preference is something that you would still do a dealbreaker something that you would not do a lot of people use them interchangeably and that’s just not accurate, because preference when it comes down to dating somebody who is tall or short if you prefer tall people, you would still date a short person. It just means that you naturally go for tall people the same thing with like wait. My main issue is just like the dealbreaker versus preference of at all because people use them incorrectly.

Affectionate_Cat1512 · 2024-12-15T20:21:29+00:00

If that bothers you, you could ask them to stop dude. Most likely they will stop making a joke. If she keeps doing that, that means she’s a bad partner and you need to find another girlfriend. No need to be insecure

Motherfucker you spent 3 comments, just to still miss the entire point of my response. But it's okay. I used to be desperate too. I endured the not funny jokes and the way she looked at taller dudes. Luckily I have self-respect now and I hope you find it too.

MysterySolverDog · 2024-12-15T21:10:31+00:00

Men frequently have women challenging their sexual preferences. This has been the background noise for us since puberty. I don't mind having my sexual preferences challenged as long as women can take it as well as dish it out.

The reason why height is such a prickly subject is because not only is it genetically hard coded, but women's preferences are very uniform, and exclusive. Only around 14% of men are 6 foot or over. You wrote that men also like their women to be shorter, I'm between 5'10 and 5'11. If my preference is that a woman is between 5'0 and 5'9, and a woman's preference is that a man is 6'0 or over, it's obvious whose preference is cutting out more people.

Re racial preferences. This is actually a good thing to bring up since obviously it can't be changed. But there's variety in those preferences. Suppose one guy likes East Asian women and is fine if they're not buxom. There's probably another guy out there who likes Latina or black women who are thicker. So there isn't an endless chorus of "we only like THIS specific type of women". I know guys who have a strong preference for women with large asses and by contrast I really couldn't care less about that.

The reason why men bristle over height more than anything else is that it's genetically determined, and women have gathered around this preference that taller is better. It isn't just a few women saying they strongly prefer tall men, it's a lot. Plus, a lot of young men have shit dating lives right now. If they were dating and having a good time, they probably wouldn't care nearly as much about some exclusionary preferences. But they are not, and consequently when women talk about highly exclusionary dating preferences, it's likely they're going to get snapped at.

NeedsSleepBadly · 2024-12-15T21:16:48+00:00

Honestly the preference for tall guys is greatly exaggerated. Nobody can deny that women don’t want a guy shorter than them but personally I don’t want a guy who’s much taller either. Being able to see his face at a relaxed position is important since the face of a man you trust is a source of comfort. That’s not going to be as easy if the guy is much taller. There are other ways for a woman to feel small next to a man than him being much taller like having a lot of muscles and being very strong.

G4M35 · 2024-12-15T21:19:06+00:00

I believe when guys challenge women in this way they are telling them "I can have my preferences, but you can't have yours, therefore, you need to appreciate us all"

That's what everyone is doing to everyone else.

So if men can like what they like in women, women can too.

Anyone with 3-5 brain cells agrees with you. The problem is that most people don't have/use 3-5 brain cells, kind of joking, but not really.

shadowrangerfs · 2024-12-15T21:35:52+00:00

They aren't shaming women's preferences. They are calling out how women shame men's preferences. Women shame men for rejecting fat women but think it's ok for them to reject short men. Men are pointing out the fact that the women are rejecting men for something that the man has no control over. Men are rejecting women for something that women DO have control over.

The point is that men want women to STOP shaming them for rejecting fat women.

wtknight · 2024-12-15T21:45:15+00:00

I believe when guys challenge women in this way they are telling them "I can have my preferences, but you can't have yours, therefore, you need to appreciate us all", which is crazy.

No, it's saying that men can have their preferences too and shouldn't be vilified for those preferences, not that women have to be attracted to all men.

a_minty_fart · 2024-12-15T21:47:45+00:00

Quit the bullshit.

It's not an attempt to shame women's preferences. It is pointing out the absurdity of caring about a man's height while simultaneously demanding men not care about women's weight despite one of the two being controllable.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2024-12-15T22:31:19+00:00

I don't understand why this is so hard to understand... This whole "You can change your weight, but we can't change our height" argument isn't about shaming the idea of standards, it's about women having the same unreasonable standards as men.

And what's really important is that you can change your weight pretty easily, unlike your height. To change your weight, you need to do exactly one thing. Watch your calories. That's it, neither diabetes, nor pancreatic or thyroid problems, nor even the types of food themselves (balance of fats, carbs and proteins) will stop you. You can lose weight even on hamburgers, but the main thing is to watch your CALORIES. It's the fucking First Law of Thermodynamics, you can't fool physics.

And at the same time, to change your height, a guy will have to be painfully confined to a bed for a year with the Ilizarov apparatus slowly stretching his femurs. And that's not taking into account that after that this man will have huge problems with sports, running and jumping.

And it's not even worth talking about "men only like 20 year old skinny virgins" since every year in the shitty pornhub the tops take the categories "MILF" and chubby girls, for heaven's sake.

Proudvow · 2024-12-15T22:36:57+00:00

It's not an "attempt to shame women's preferences" it's just an undeniable fact.

It's fine to not like a man for any physical trait, even if it's genetic. Just don't compare that to when a man doesn't like a woman for her personal lifestyle choices. Those are two different concepts.

A woman's height preference is more appropriately comparable to a man's preferences for an attractive face, large breasts, big asses, wide hips, an hourglass figure, etc. Unlike any of those, fatness is a choice.

First of all, I do not understand why people see a man's height and a woman's weight as synonymous to eachother. The 2 are entirely different things.

If you see that then surely you can see why men point out that the two aren't the same.

I believe when guys challenge women in this way they are telling them "I can have my preferences, but you can't have yours, therefore, you need to appreciate us all"

Not generally. You're mistaking the usual motivations women have behind complaining about men's preferences (such as wrt weight/counts/etc.) with why men do the reverse. Values are very important to men even in dating; just having the ones up of, "I'm not even being shallow here" and "I'm dealing with way tougher circumstances than you women" are enough reasons to make the statement, without any call for the woman to change her own preferences.

Second, as much as some women value taller men, there are men who equally desire women who are short.

It's incredibly rare to see a man claim that he'd only date short women, and he'd probably be considered weird if he said that.

A lot of men like women with natural big tits and ass, women can't change that. A lot of men prefer women who are natural beauties without makeup. A lot of guys most prefer women of specific racial and ethnic groups, all of which women cannot change either.

Due to the way dating tends to work women typically don't have to deal with the men excluding them. Men unfortunately can't tell how shallow a woman is before approaching them.

BirdLawOnly · 2024-12-15T18:11:32+00:00

100%. Men love to shame women for having preferences but feel entitled to have their own preferences.

iphones_apple · 2024-12-15T19:37:31+00:00

There is leg surgery that extends your legs and makes you taller. So their argument isn’t completely true. It is a complex surgery tho, just like losing/gaining weight is difficult. Losing weight isn’t just about cutting down on cake, some ppl have hormonal issues or it's due to genetics.

SomeSugondeseGuy · 2024-12-15T18:27:21+00:00

I mean, I completely agree that the two are not comparable.

Insulting someone based on their weight is, in my opinion, worse - because you're also effectively insulting their self-control regarding food, as well as their self-discipline regarding exercise.

When you insult someone's height, you're insulting their genetics. When you insult someone's weight, a hell of a lot more factors are at play.

I believe a much better comparison is men's height compared to women's breast size. Around 10% of men in the US are at or above 6 foot, and about 10% of women in the US have a cup size that isn't a passing grade.

Both are primarily determined by genetics and also somewhat by factors such as diet and health, particularly during and in the years following puberty.

Both are incredibly shallow preferences, and I think this is a much more reasonable comparison.

Hunder_YT · 2024-12-15T19:18:34+00:00

A lot of men like women with natural big tits and ass

Sure most of the horny 15 year olds are, when they mature they'll realise it's not important.

Title	"You can change your weight, but we can't change our height" is a failed attempt to shame women's preferences
Author	ConstantCode8637
Upvotes	0
Comments	231
Date	December 15, 2024 6:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1heybdc/you_can_change_your_weight_but_we_cant_change_our/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/you-can-change-your-weight-but-we-cant-change-our.1538583 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538583

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