New GF asking for too much?

Kkami3779 · 2025-05-29T02:13:25+00:00

You don't understand her, So she does. Why only want her understand your situation? Should be mutual

Petrolicious66 · 2025-05-26T17:21:34+00:00

Huge red flag. You spending time with your kids. That’s sacred time. She’s out if she can’t understand that.

FaithlessnessNo281 · 2025-05-26T12:54:33+00:00

I make time for my girl when I’m with my son. I have my son every day that I don’t work. Either when he’s at school, while I’m cooking, after I put him to bed. Make time for the people you care for.

Happygoluckyway1 · 2025-05-24T10:35:45+00:00

It’s normal ! Women want to be seen and loved and prioritized. The idea of being a priority after everything else sucks for a human . It’s one thing to understand children need time and another to feel like a constant third wheel. Sounds like she really likes you and is anxious that you don’t like her as much as she does and will drop her for your kids anyday .. isn’t that a horrid feeling to live with ? Just having a fuckbuddy or an emotional sink - after one has kids is not fair to the other human if they want more . A beautiful relationship can form with the kids but all stars need to align and a lot of work needs to be done . But sounds like you just want her relationship and the kids need to be in a different bucket - I would see the situation as reversed- you aren’t serious about her ? Ask yourself that and she deserves to know . It’s extremely selfish otherwise .

Bulky_Status_952 · 2025-05-24T02:24:50+00:00

You know the answer to this. Trust your gut. She’s insecure and likely has an anxious attachment style. Meaning no attachment is ever going to be enough.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-05-23T23:19:54+00:00

Completely normal. She is testing to see if you will set a hard boundary with her (women love this) or if you will cave and give her attention instead of your kids (she will lose attraction if you do this weak behavior).

Set the boundary and maintain it and she will be all over you when the kiddos are at moms.

Friendly-Platypus607 · 2025-05-23T22:40:46+00:00

Red flag. GF should be happy you spend time with your kids. If she isn't then she isnt the one for you.

Run away.

Nyoobwsb · 2025-05-23T22:37:25+00:00

RED FLAG. I dealt with this and it was a trainwreck. RUN bro.. find someone who will not be jealous but supportive of your time with your kids

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2025-05-23T21:16:45+00:00

why not invite her over when the kids are there?

NewDay0110 · 2025-05-23T21:09:14+00:00

She is testing to see how much she is in your head and can manipulate you. Don't put up with these silly games. Your kids deserve your attention more than her, especially when it's dedicated time for them. Be respectful of your children. Say "Sorry, I don't have time to chat right now I'm doing activities with my kids." If she throws a fit, dump her. Nothing good will come of this for you.

Mokesekom · 2025-05-23T20:38:26+00:00

Set boundaries

engineered-chemistry · 2025-05-23T19:02:47+00:00

No woman should guilt you for time when you’re with your kids. I don’t expect constant messaging/talking with a woman when she’s with her kids and vice versa.

Bright red flag bro

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-05-23T17:41:59+00:00

As someone that was married for 15 and together 17 and then divorced, I dated this exact woman and saw ALL the red flags and it didn’t end well. Be alone for a while, learn how to spend time alone, not date a women. You are falling into the unhealthy patterns.

warrior_up · 2025-05-23T16:22:28+00:00

More red flags than a Chinese communist party. Maybe Tuesday nights

Bumblebee56990 · 2025-05-23T16:01:33+00:00

Red flag. Leave that relationship. Also sounds like you live with her. Unless you’ve given her the impression of something else, move on.

Based on your other comments you’ be created this mess. You need to be healthy (not wanting to be alone) your energy has sought out another co-dependent person.

Therapy to work through your blind-spotted issues. This ‘gf’ will be packaged differently until you do. Live alone work on you. Be healthy for your children.

Koldfacejillah · 2025-05-23T15:22:28+00:00

Wow - thanks all. In an update she’s asked me to stay somewhere else tonight

sicrm · 2025-05-23T15:21:23+00:00

One question to always keep in mind, do you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this?

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-05-23T15:19:29+00:00

Does she have kids? If she doesn't, I don't think she understands the dynamics of having kids or the committment needed to be one. She seems insecure to me. That may lead to problems which I think it is starting to happen in your case. You need to make the choice as to whether you want to continue with it. I think she may have issues and she may feel that your kids are seen as a burden to her for your attention. That may be bad in the future if you decide to marry her or stay in a longterm relationship with her.It is your call my friend. Good luck.

Ross_the_mad · 2025-05-23T15:13:35+00:00

Not lived experience yet, but once I'm out of this cluster fuck of a divorce, anything I feel discomfort with will be talked through. How that goes determines flag colour.

Gunslinger1925 · 2025-05-23T14:36:03+00:00

Wow. Your situation is very similar to mine. I'm not going to attempt to offer advice when I, too, am stuck in this conundrum

CommercialConcern828 · 2025-05-23T14:18:03+00:00

Not necessarily a red flag in my view.

She might be wanting to join the family and FOMO is definitely a thing with women.

I would observe more keenly.

Moist-Caregiver-2000 · 2025-05-23T14:04:22+00:00

Dump her, she's a Klingon.

itoocouldbeanyone · 2025-05-23T13:46:31+00:00

Red flag. She should be excited the time you spend with them. Asking how it’s going, what fun things are going on, positive comments about missing you.

If it’s insecure, negative in a way. That’s not good.

NC_Gato · 2025-05-23T13:40:59+00:00

Yeah No. She's one of those needy insecure people. She will give you grief with time and if you have kids with her she will be jealous because you don't give the same attention to her kid. Leave while you can.

sleepingw_enemy · 2025-05-23T12:59:18+00:00

How it begins is how it ends. Word to live by... If you're already getting needy signals in the courtship phase when she's on her best behavior, the unfiltered version you get when you're properly 'locked in' will crush you.

nightwillalwayswin · 2025-05-23T12:19:38+00:00

She does m’t sound secure or have a strong self worth. If she can’t understand you are focusing on your kids and needs all your energy, that is a red flag. But you know this.

THX1138-22 · 2025-05-23T11:52:22+00:00

Red the Gatekeepers by Dr Shawn smith—it explains how to find high quality relationship woman as a man and avoid past mistakes

the-don-carlo · 2025-05-23T11:45:45+00:00

Yikes.
Can’t listen to a needy woman for two seconds. Probably why I enjoy being single so much

__Zero_____ · 2025-05-23T11:45:27+00:00

No this is not abnormal. She likely has been used by men before. She may believe you will get back together with your X. Dont look at it as an attachment issue. This may simply be a trust issue. If you think this simple thing a red flag then you might as well end it now. Perhaps reconsider involving her with the kids? Why is she not involved? Maybe thats the problem?

Character_Hippo90 · 2025-05-23T11:31:11+00:00

Too clingy, time to reevaluate and set solid boundaries.

Koldfacejillah · 2025-05-23T11:09:55+00:00

Nearly 2 years

PghSubie · 2025-05-23T10:56:47+00:00

How long have you been dating her? Has she met your kids yet?

Exactly65536 · 2025-05-23T10:09:21+00:00

If she is trying to be more important for you than your kids, or if she is violating the boundaries of personal time you set, it is a red flag.

If she just asks for attention because she likes it, that's fine.

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2025-05-23T09:58:35+00:00

It’s different second time around I feel, well for me anyway. I just have such a busy life that it is hard to make time for my girlfriend. It’s like gaining a superpower of control of my own self. In my marriage I was just a push over and just lived for her. 3 years out of that now and I will never sacrifice my peace,happiness and existence for a woman. My girlfriend adds some happy times to my life but is not the whole world. It’s not harsh it’s just a better state of living for me.

NilEntity · 2025-05-23T09:57:22+00:00

Yellow flag imho.
You should have established from the outset where you stand on this issue and she should have understood/accepted.
If you didn't state your expectations and stance clearly yet, do so, now.

If she's dating a father, not a single guy, to a grown up woman it should be clear that his children are a priority. If she values herself above your children seeks to prioritise herself above them with you, that's not great imho.

I also finally entered a new relationship just recently and my gf is very understanding and clear on my daughter's priority. Not to the detriment of the relationship, but she respects and values my position as a father first and doesn't want to interfere with that, she's been very clear she wants us to work out and supports me.

charmer143 · 2025-05-23T09:50:31+00:00

I'm curious, how long have you two been seeing each other? If this relationship is still new, it's a good idea to establish your priorities, especially with your kids. It's perfectly fine to want some time together; just be sure you're both still respecting each other's personal space and commitments.

Title	New GF asking for too much?
Author	Koldfacejillah
Upvotes	30
Comments	61
Date	May 23, 2025 9:37 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ktfdot/new_gf_asking_for_too_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/new-gf-asking-for-too-much.1552928 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552928

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