How often does the average man get 'approached'... In their lifetime?

fuchsiaeuRIor4683 · 2025-07-10T14:05:40+00:00

It never happened for me. And im 30.

ComfortableJeans · 2025-07-10T14:13:56+00:00

Average? I've had this conversation with a few with a boys I've known. I'd assume they're pretty normal looking, some are pretty fit, and they're all at or over 6 feet tall. I guess that puts them at a little above average, now I think about it.

We're in our thirties now. None of them have ever had it happen romantically, a few have had it happen in bars, where they come over to talk to them, but only with drunk women who're borderline belligerent about it. But other than that, it doesn't really happen.

I'm 6'3, painfully shy and awkward. My relationships have come about from women making the effort to get closer to me. I also do a fair amount of helping stray animals. Adopting them out, feeding them, getting them medical treatment, taking care of them and so on. Which seems to be a big... I don't know if I'd say draw, but almost signals to people that I'm okay to approach. If not for those women, I'm entirely alone.

If you're truly average, average being 5'8 and average being overweight to obese, I imagine that it literally has never happened.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-07-10T14:14:08+00:00

An average man? Zero to one times. That's why men remember compliments given to them for years.

Based on your hit ratio, is say you're in top ~20% by looks, give or take 10% since your "autistic ass" most likely missed a whole lot of women trying to low-key signal.

2025-07-10T15:20:35+00:00

Never

GhostXmasPast342 · 2025-07-10T18:06:16+00:00

Zero times

RayAP19 · 2025-07-10T14:14:41+00:00

I'm tall and handsome and fit (albeit very lean), 36 years old.

My count thus far of being approached is zero.

RycerzKwarcowy · 2025-07-10T15:17:50+00:00

- 0.5; very mixed signals
- 0
- 1, but it was only for networking in sci-fi fandom community

NiceGuy_4eva · 2025-07-10T18:39:14+00:00

I am 5'11, 85 kg, earning a middle-class salary for my country. In my 27 years on this planet, I have had one girl make the first move. She is an extrovert, unlike the majority of the women I've met who claimed they were introverts (maybe just to avoid talking to me).

With the right girl, it won't be about who made the first move or who paid for the date. You'd never feel like you're making all the effort, you'd feel appreciated and generally happy.

iSellNuds4RedditGold · 2025-07-10T15:36:53+00:00

Once back in highschool

TERMINXX · 2025-07-10T16:18:58+00:00

Twice in high school. When everyone is retarded anyway. So obviously, those two don't mean a whole lot. Outside of school? Never.

StopTheIncels · 2025-07-10T15:06:42+00:00

Let's redefine this.

Women do not 'approach' in a sense that they will say you're cute directly (and then offer their number with the intention of going out) or hooking up. I have only seen that behavior at festivals or extreme parties (think big frat parties). They give IoIs (indicators of interest), and, to them seem clear and an easy setup for the man to INITIATE. Examples include asking what book you're reading at the coffee shop, randomly sitting next you on an empty/sparse bus/train, asking for advice in order to get your contact info, etc.

If you consider those 'approaches' then it has happened to me a decent number of times. I do not, because it plays into plausible deniability and the woman in question can claim she 'tried' when all she did was try to invoke a specific reaction out of me with questionable effort. It comes off as cowardly, and almost pathetic. I have been shut down even before opening my mouth from approaches. These are not the same.

Men do not get approached.

Environmental_Day558 · 2025-07-10T14:21:01+00:00

Several times, though it's hard to get an exact number. The issue is that most the time it's "indirectly"and mainly realize it after the fact (for all the autistic asses out there). Women are rarely ever blunt about it so it's hard to tell if they're being flirty or just friendly sometimes.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-07-10T18:46:12+00:00

6’3 190lbs lean. Decent face card.

More likely to be groped/harassed by women than approached with any kind of politeness.

That said most polite approaches I’ve experienced in life were when I was young and they were young (eg 21 and under). Post college it was like a light switch with these things. Much less warm behavior and very few polite approaches and more harassment. I attribute that more to common third spaces more available when you’re being educated that provides implicit social proof than age per se. Women who are comfortable making their interest shown in places where social proof is not implicitly established often have more anti social tendencies. If you are dismissive of their approach they often respond with a “why are you ignoring me” vibe. I’ve actually had a brother of a girl harassing me pull her off of me while my hands were straight up in the air as she was hugging me in an inappropriate way.

Other highlights include a woman putting her hand in my jeans pocket and squeezing my genitals through the pocket. A woman doing graffiti on the street who followed me from behind and stuck a spray paint up my ass saying “come here pookie.” Undoing my belt at a bar. I’m basically numb to people pinching my butt at this point. I’m not like a hung dude or anything but I don’t feel comfortable wearing sweatpants on some days. Women who stare at my crotch are pretty much exclusively over the age of 35.

I have a funny story of a girl who asked me out for coffee. B list celeb who ended up in this teen horror movie. I had a stomach infection from h pylori and was running from class to a toilet. She intercepts me and greets me with a hug as a literally clench to keep myself from shitting my pants. I said I had to raincheck for coffee and immediately scampered off. Last I spoke to her lol

Ime, girls will often ask their friends to set them up with me rather than ask me directly. One of my LTRs occurred that way.

My HS sweetheart approached me on the rebound after breaking up w her bf who happened to be my roommate lol in hindsight it was pretty diabolical. I fucked his ex pretty soon and he didn’t. And I got the whole dorm to turn against him for being mad about it.

Bisexual men are included in the people who harass me but it’s typically more psychological. They’ll bro out with me as if he’s presenting straight and we’ll have some good convos about mutual interests then they’ll turn and start flirting and when I don’t flirt back they guilt trip me as if I’m some tease.

I may be wrong but I don’t think exclusively gay men do this. Or at least more effeminate queer men. They have decent “straight dar” whereas bi men seem to just assume I like dudes.

Fickle_Friendship296 · 2025-07-10T18:24:07+00:00

Attention-starving tendency is a sign of insecurity, or having little going on in life. A busy, productive life yields many fruits, including attention from women.

Women do approach, but not in the same capacity as men. A lot of women still prefer men to take the lead, even if she approaches you, she will then defer to you taking the lead to make the relationship work. Why do you think that saying, men hold the keys to a relationship exists at all? We guys have the power in a relationship, from start to finish.

As for me, I've been approached a handful of times, tho it is rare. The only guys who really get approached are like all-star athletes and celebrities or guys who just average guys who just have that luck with women.

I know a handful of guys who regularly get approached. No rhyme or reason, they just do lol. Some guys have it like that. But a lot of these guys have an issue with womanizing, and that always ends nastily.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2025-07-10T23:53:17+00:00

Not even once from AVERAGE who view me as somewhat attractive.

But the times I was approached it was, (a) I was the "safe," settleDOWN(grade) option (b) I was the ATM, choremonkey guy, (c) Lonelyfans/str@ppers, (d) Female Neckbeard Nancy (e) Transformers.

aslfingerspell · 2025-07-10T14:22:41+00:00

Once, when one of my female college friends complimented my beard and I took that as the chance to ask her out.

Even still, this had a lot of qualifying factors. This was after years of knowing each other, us dating had already been suggested by a mutual friend, and during the lockdown era of the pandemic when even "normal" people were desperate for connection, let alone us (both her and I were totally inexperienced).

2025-07-10T21:04:17+00:00

You ask about "the average man" but then continue to just post your own situation, without making clear if you think you are an average guy. Do you want to gather data and calculate an average/median for the ppd demographic who answers? Or do you want only average men to answer? Nobody here can define what an average man is. Are you just talking about face/height?

Contrasting experience from a non-average man:

I had 5 approaches by women, 2 of which i made out with, and 2 men who wanted to desperately fuck me, and about a dozen compliments by men and women TONIGHT alone, and i wasn't even satisfied with the amount of success i had. In the end, not getting the women i wanted because they had boyfriends bothered me more than all the compliments and desire from men and women could make up for.

tonyghow · 2025-07-10T14:26:42+00:00

When I was 40, I once got a compliment on my pants from a semi-drunk girl at a Dave Matthew’s concert. I said, “Thanks!” and she walked towards her seat with her girlfriends a few rows back.

I had been dating someone for a few months at the time, otherwise I would have introduced myself.

Does that count?

Besides that, I’ve had genuine reciprocal interest on dating apps. But only after I initiated.

LoopyPro · 2025-07-10T15:00:31+00:00

Once by a woman that I knew for multiple years at that point. Apart from her, other women gave me choosing signals at best but never a direct approach.

EsotericRonin · 2025-07-10T15:00:54+00:00

I'm on the lower end of average across the board and I've been approached for my number/ig a few times randomly from women I don't know. Either at the mall or the gym.

Muscletov · 2025-07-10T15:09:03+00:00

Low single digits

As for myself, I'm 32 and it happened once but only when I was at <15% bodyfat. Slightly below average height for my country, bald, decent to good face.

SeemedGood · 2025-07-10T15:31:03+00:00

I’m short but told that I’m handsome, other than being short have very good genetics, am older but look younger than I am, typically display genetic difference to those in my environment, and I am usually perceived as having high social status. Since puberty I have been approached by girls and women, I didn’t realize that men were expected to approach until about half way through college but instead thought that women were the primary aggressors, and realized later that it was a strategy for some men to hang out with other men whom women approached frequently and then out-game them. Somewhat interestingly I have been asked if I am famous a few times (I am not) and was once mistaken for a 1980s TV star (back in the early 1990s) and chased through a museum by a small pack of young women. My (now) wife approached me and asked me out on our first date when we were much younger.

Currently:

At my schlubbiest 10-20% of the time that I am out and about in social environments without my wife.

At my cleanest/fittest 40-50% of the time that I am out and about in social environments without my wife.

At my fittest and riding my motorcycles 60-70% of the time that I am out and about in social environments.

I get random compliments from strange women about clothes, eyes, build, and (weirdly) skin color fairly frequently.

And the aggression increases in proportion to the frequency. Both peaked in my late 40s to early 50s when people guessed me to be in my mid 30s and have declined since then now that people estimate me to be in my mid 40s.

In my experience it happens to a very few guys on the regular, the modal category of men extremely rarely, and never to a healthy minority of men. I think the genetic difference part of it plays in my favor as it makes me stand out from the backdrop more.

throwaway73737828 · 2025-07-10T15:41:36+00:00

Im 22, and thus far I got approached 3 times. All of them were in kinda warm approach style. And remember the times I got approached was when I was going to the gym regularly (in shape). When I was out of shape attention would mostly dissappear.

rayriflepie · 2025-07-10T16:01:27+00:00

Probably five times I can vividly remember. Never asking me out directly, but talking with me, maybe being a little flirty. I just never picked up on it that those girls were into me until after the fact, or I was too shy/nervous to tell them how I felt or take the next step.

Trialbyfuego · 2025-07-10T17:07:04+00:00

Sometimes, but not often. And usually they're not so cute, that's why they felt the need to approach me because they knew I wouldn't approach them.

It happened to me many times in high school, though only a few times with girls I liked (pretty, etc).

It happened a few times in college too with mostly women I liked.

Since leaving college, I haven't been approached at all.

AreOut · 2025-07-10T18:24:37+00:00

It depends how drunk those women are. Sober women will be vague even when they give you compliments. For example they won't say you look good in that suit but that suit looks good on you etc.

2025-07-10T19:54:36+00:00

I've had two women I knew pretty openly ask me if I wanted to hook up with them before. Both were when I and them were like 18 or 19 though.

I've had one random woman in a bar approach me pretty obviously for a hook up.

I've had two women I knew ask me on a date (one of whom was one of the girls from the first example lol).

As for women just starting conversations with me on nights out? Maybe 15-20 times in my life.

BrainMarshal · 2025-07-10T22:42:11+00:00

Three times for me, including my wife. I did a lot of niche dating to make that happen.

washington_breadstix · 2025-07-11T04:40:08+00:00

If we're talking about an "approach" in the way that a man would stereotypically approach a woman (i.e. being assertive in instigating a social interaction, establishing a rapport, being the first one to openly flirt, etc.), then I would assume most average men aren't ever on the receiving end of that type of approach.

The female version of flirting is far less direct. It can be more fairly characterized as "creating opportunities for the man to flirt". And if we're operating on that definition, then the average guy's count probably isn't zero, but also probably isn't very high. Even having just "2-3 women that were bluntly thirsty over your autistic ass" makes it sound as though you're above average.

As a guy who went through a pretty massive glow-up fairly recently in my life, I've found that there are two types of people who will just walk up to me and blatantly flirt: gay men and brave ugly women. Women in a higher tier of attractiveness are far more subtle.

It's actually funny how even the women who turned out to be the most attracted to me were initially adamant about not approaching. Like once we had established some sort of rapport (or even after we'd hooked up), she would say something like, "I kept sitting near you at the bar all night. Why did you take so long to start talking to me?" As if the notion of her initiating a conversation with me was simply precluded by our gender roles.

Key-Faithlessness-29 · 2025-07-11T09:59:41+00:00

All of my relationships and hookups were from women approaching me. but by approaching i mean they come up and talk to me, build a friendship and slow burn their way into asking me out.

so ig so far along the lines of 13-14 and i am 22 so thats the average

SyrusDrake · 2025-07-11T13:56:37+00:00

It has never happened in my 34 years. Although a few weeks ago, a woman roughly my age sat next to me on the bus, even though there were other free seats. Later, virgins 😎

MistaCreepz · 2025-07-11T15:13:04+00:00

At least twice that I know of, probably a couple more but I completely lack the ability to discern flirting from just being nice.

SuperSpartan13 · 2025-07-11T21:40:29+00:00

once as a dare, and my crush at the time paid her money since she succeeded. The date never happened

that was a decade ago, and as a friendless kid, it certainly did not boost my self esteem at the time

BowelMan · 2025-07-12T06:39:52+00:00

It happened to me once when I was in middle school.

A girl from a grade below came up to me and said that her friend liked me. And there was a group of girls where she came from.

But I was very shy and bullied before and there were my classmates around to hear this so I thought that this was a joke, panicked, and ran away.

But maybe it wasn't.

I still think about it every once in a while.

Least_Contest3913 · 2025-07-13T17:40:16+00:00

Never. For most of us it's never.

Jephta · 2025-07-14T17:56:50+00:00

One time in 6th grade, a girl I didn't know approached me and said "X (other girl I did know) wants to know if you'll go out with her". Since then, nothing.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2025-07-16T20:10:48+00:00

I've been approached 5 times at bars and once recently at the grocery store. I would consider myself about average. I am really not that attractive. I once was with a group of three women in their 30s whom all agreed I was an 8. But I just don't see it. I would rate myself a 3 or 4. If anything, men being approached is a lot more rare than women.

Khanluka · 2025-07-10T14:25:36+00:00

I lost count, but it really depends on how much I get outside. When I was going to bars or riding bikes it was quite often. also had several coworkers ask me out over the years.. when I hermit-maxx I can go years without being approached

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Kapoue · 2025-07-10T15:13:02+00:00

Average is hard to define here. Does the average man go out where single women are present?

If you stay at home or only see your close friends, no one is going to hit on you. If you got out dancing or go to big house parties, it's bound to happen from time to time.

In my experience, women will have a more nuanced approach. She's unlikely to ask for you number/IG from the start and will instead try to flirt and size up if you are available.

Also, women are noticeably bad at making it known they are interested. So you may have been hit on by one that thought she was approaching you but you just didn't pick up on it!

esdebah · 2025-07-10T14:23:26+00:00

I tend to think I'm average, because I'm ok in looks, internet short, and generally tragic in social interaction. I'm a little neuro-atypical, but I don't know what that means.

Learning to pick up on romantic signals is tough for the best of us. Women and men alike. And sometimes it doesn't hit at the right time. Here's a guy who has always inspired me.

James_M_Croft · 2025-07-10T14:45:49+00:00

How often does the average man get 'approached'... In their lifetime?

Approach like a man would approach a woman? Like, going to a rando who they never met, not even perceived before being called and start talking and flirting and taking them somewhere? never in my 40 years of life. Women do not do this.

But depending on your definition it changes.

A woman that you know, conveying romantic desire to you indirectly or directly.
- 30+ times. My first gf was like this.
- Mostly considerably older and/or fatter than me in events or bars where I frequent a lot (so I basically know and I am known by most there).
A woman that you don't know, conveying romantic desire indirectly or directly.
- 7 times. I chose to interpret as "doesn't know" as in, never even seen her face before.
- Usually they were either drunk or high. Some I suspect both.
A woman that you don't know, coming up to you just to talk and asking for your name, questions.
- Once. But she never shown any romantic or sexual interest except looks and smiles.
- I thought she would ask me out, or at least give me her number, but when I saw she was not gonna do it. I asked her out. She was a bit too crazy for me, but I liked her.

I'm a dude, but I've had 2-3 woman that were bluntly thirsty over my autistic ass in my entire 21.5 yr old life.

Here is the reason. Most girls will never do it, only those who go for these specific people will do it, much in part because otherwise, nothing will ever happen. To normal men, it is absurdly rare, cause at some point they would pick up some "hints" or just hit on her before the opposite happens.

Anything where the woman makes an effort with the first move. Not necessarily being obvious about it. As we know, women are way less direct than men with 'shooting their shot'.

I had very few women who approached me because, I, like most TRP, approach almost all women... so it is kinda hard for them to approach us back, unless they are below our threshold or we didn't perceive them before their approach. Me and other TRP men are always in the offense, so it is rare we are in the defense.

Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2025-07-10T15:30:14+00:00

I’m approached every time I’m out having fun, even when I’m with my spouse. I’ve been approached hundreds of times more than I’ve approached. I’ve only recently concluded that I might not actually be average, but never had any idea before I started reading Reddit and got confirmation from my friends.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-07-10T14:12:05+00:00

If I had to venture a guess I’d say my ratio to “approaching vs being approached” is like 150-1. But then again I probably approached hundreds-thousands.

wtknight · 2025-07-10T15:11:44+00:00

Removed. No internal questions (men asking men or women asking women).

Title	How often does the average man get 'approached'... In their lifetime?
Author	Simp4Aatrox
Upvotes	25
Comments	107
Date	July 10, 2025 6:07 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lw5cno/how_often_does_the_average_man_get_approached_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-often-does-the-average-man-get-approached-in.1556803 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556803

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