Describe the people in your life who are unsuccessful in dating/relationships and why you believe that to be the case

roseria97 · 2017-06-23T17:03:04+00:00

Myself cuz I'm ugly

prodigy2throw · 2017-06-23T17:19:51+00:00

Zero social skills with women (and men for that matter), shy af, don't dress well or lift.

Tbh a lot of my brown friends have pretty much given up on even trying. They usually get an automatic rejection from non brown girls and the brown girls that are actually hot go for white guys too.

It's a weird cycle. Deep down, everyone just wants some of that white privilege in them.

uto-uto · 2017-06-23T18:49:03+00:00

i suppose it depends on how you define success, but the few people i've known that can't seem to stay in a relationship for long appear to have the following problems:

not interested in compromising with another person, while wanting someone else to meet their needs
not interested in committing to just one person for a while after all
unsure of what they want/how to solve their personal problems, seeking another person to help them figure it out, failing repeatedly because that's their job and not someone else's

to boil it down even further... they either want all the benefits of a partner without the downsides, or want a savior instead of a companion. romance isn't a topic that comes up too often with these friends, but it wouldn't surprise me if they also felt like a relationship always needed to be exciting and new and full of conflict and drama to be real.

writingtoc · 2017-06-23T17:15:06+00:00

The only two people in my life who I would describe as routinely unsuccessful are both women. One is physical - if I posted a pic people might argue with me that she's a little above average, but it's not her face/body it's her presentation - she has a manly voice and masculine body language, masculine walk (she lumbers more than she walks), just doesn't come across as feminine. I don't know if she knows that this is her issue, but since it's not really changeable (I've known her since I was 11-ish) and she's had relationships, it's not my business to say anything. Personality-wise she's a good gf, non-neurotic, easy-going, not demanding etc.

Second person is actually good-looking and gets a lot of interest based on that. But her personality in a relationship is baaaad, she's pretty crazy and doesn't see it at all. She dated someone recently and on the second date (second date! no commitment even on the horizon!) blew up at him when he got a message from his ex about their kid. I don't really see this person ever figuring it out and like all of her friends I'm too scared of her temper to say anything.

Cock_Klepto · 2017-06-23T21:59:38+00:00

One of my husband's friends is in pretty much marriage hell. No one can stand the wife and frankly I have no idea why they ever married(having not known her beforehand).

The husband is an ok guy, he's just been beaten down by her so much that all he does at this point is drink and whine about the problems. He's completely emasculated and it's so saddening to me because this is a vicious cycle. He can't dig himself out of the hole. He reminds me of an abused dog and it's heartbreaking.

His wife is a real piece of work though. She is lazy, nagging, has body issues as well as being fat, doesn't put out, and according to my husband is glued to her phone. She does no housework, the kids never get taken in hand and it's utter chaos at their home which is why I don't visit. I'm pretty sure her self medication is food, hence the being fat. She does nothing(besides have a job) so the majority of the work falls to her husband and it's killing him. This of course is the tip of the iceberg and she really is just a complete witch.

I wouldn't have such a problem with this if they didn't have the children. The parents pretty much don't do shit with them and their childhood is one that's practically indoors. They don't go to the park really or anything else to stimulate their minds and to me the childhood that they're having is horrifying and abysmal. There's no verbal, mental, or physical abuse, but these children are either in the house, or at daycare/grandparents. The children get parked in front of a TV and ignored. The husband is too damn tired from working plus cooking/cleaning/yardwork to be there for them. The wife is too engrossed in her phone. The children have no sense of discipline or rules or order.

On top of this their family is perpetually in debt and uses credit cards for everything. This is while making enough money to sustain themselves. It's a complete shit show. The kids are going to have real issues as adults over a very wide spectrum of things imo.

blackedoutfast · 2017-06-23T19:23:06+00:00

the unsuccessful guys i know seem to fall into 3 groups:

awkard/nerdy/autistic types who never show any sexual intent and end up being seen asexual friends by the girls they do know socially.
bluepill beta guys who are always spending tons of money taking girls out on expensive dates and buying them gifts, trying to be proper gentlemen and never pushing too hard for sex, always pushing for a more serious relationship (because they think that's when they'll get sex), eventually getting "dumped" by girls when they get sick of his clinginess.
relatively popular, decent looking guys with active social lives who get stuck on one particular girl and develop a terminal case of oneitis. these guys frequently have decent girls crushing on them but they don't notice or don't care because the only thing they care about is that one girl who is the object of their oneitis.

every single unsuccessful girl is exactly the same: - they aim too high and focus on higher SMV guys who are out of their league.

for unattractive girls this usually takes the form of occasionally being used for drunk, desperate ONS by a high SMV guys and then wrongly thinking this means she can get a serious relationship from a high SMV guy. for legitimately attractive girls, they usually do start to date high SMV guys but then it always falls apart because the girl has a shit personality and the high SMV guy gets sick of dealing with her.

says_harsh_things · 2017-06-23T17:05:23+00:00

Good friend of mine has been nearly.celibate since college, and even then it wasnt great.

90% caused by his game (or lack of). Maybe 10% looks. He just doesnt say the right things to girls.

Mr_Smoogs · 2017-06-23T17:05:01+00:00

I have a female friend (or more like acquaintance) who is very conventionally unattractive. She's quite overweight, doesn't wax her moustache etc. I think she doesn't quite know how to be more conventionally attractive because she's young and comes from a village. We don't tell her to change because she didn't ask for advice and we don't want to be seen as rude. If she asks gor help, we're going to help her out.

SmurfESmurferson · 2017-06-23T17:09:03+00:00

2 men. One is post-30 and a virgin, one is post-60 and has only paid for sex.

The post-60 guy has severe agoraphobia and social anxiety. He's an extreme outlier.

The post-30 guy is a bit of a mystery to me. He's average looking (if a bit skinny), completely nice, can be charming when he wants to be, has a good job, dresses decently, hygiene is ok. I'm guessing his problem is lack of initiative.

MyMorningCovfefe · 2017-06-23T17:24:01+00:00

One guy is fat and won't do anything about it and has a chip on his shoulder because he's mixed race (black/Hispanic.) He also puts women way way way on the pedestal and completely spergs out in the company of any remotely attractive woman, despite being a generally affable, jovial guy. He recently lost his virginity at 27 and desperately wants a girlfriend but fucks up every chance he gets by making it weird and coming on too strong too fast. Hate to say it but he could probably benefit from TRP.

Second guy gets casual sex with ease but wants something more and can't find it. He isn't "boyfriend material," every girl he's dated since I've known him has dumped him for smoking too much weed or other such slacker behavior. He's 31 and his options are dwindling rapidly and he's in panic mode at the moment.

Third is a female friend who despite being really hot and sweet can't get a guy to stick around. She is just kind of a mess in general. She has, in my opinion, an unhealthily close relationship with her family and I think the weirdness of that drives off a lot of guys who might have considered dating her seriously. When that's not the issue, the other problem is that she goes for "fixer upper" guys and thinks she can change them, which obviously never works. Finally I think she sleeps with guys too quickly without vetting them first (I have told her this) then catches feelings and hangs on for way too long when it's obvious that nothing's going to come of it.

EDIT: Holy shit I can't believe I forgot the worst one. It's my cousin who is 38 and literally AWALT personified. She goes for absolutely shit dudes (felons, single dads with kids from 3 different women, married guys cheating on their wives with her...) and then can't figure out why it never works out with them. Every date she goes on she decides she's "in love" with the guy after knowing him for like two days. She recently got engaged to a guy she dated for two months, but he ended up leaving her. The one halfway decent guy she dated broke up with her after she flipped shit on him because they went out with a group of his friends and he was paying more attention to his friends than her. She's 38 and this was her relationship drama!!! She's crazy.

haikufun · 2017-06-23T17:47:25+00:00

Older people, 30 plus of all looks, heights and intelligence. I had a coworker sum it up best: I have issues because being single this long made me uncompromising of my wants. When I get into a relationship, it's going to be with someone around the same age group with the same flaw. Should be fun.

Superfluous_Toast · 2017-06-23T17:56:00+00:00

He's lonely, so he gets clingy really fast. He also has a habit of jumping into a relationship with the first acceptable looking girl who shows interesting in him, no matter how insane or terrible a person she is. He doesn't listen to reason because He's "in love" and thinking with a combination of his dick and lonely heart, and then when she fucks him over he swears off dating entirely until the next one comes along. No self-control, no ability to look at the situation and and realize "Maybe I shouldn't sleep with this chick who can't even handle her own life."

philomexa · 2017-06-23T18:52:26+00:00

woman 1: My thot cousin. She's a very sensitive person, but that sensitivity has turned to single mom bitterness after her no good, unemployed, ex-con true love from high school pumped and dumped her over a decade resulting in 2 kids and no child support payments. "niggas ain't shit"-a favorite phrase of hers.

woman 2: a friend from college, and like the white version of woman 1. Same story: bitterly single because her freshman year true love cheated on her, pumped and dumped her, and left her with a kid. She claims she's single by choice because she wants to focus on her kid, but her FB timeline is full of heartbreak memes and shitty poetry.

woman 3: a complete mystery. Cute, blonde, thin, extroverted, kind of hippie ditzy. Loves dogs, very sweet, works at a vet clinic. She had an LTR with a stand up guy that I would have dated if I were single, but they constantly fought over a decade and then broke up for good. He's moved on but she's been single for the last 3-ish years. My husband used to date her, and according to him she's an emotional terrorist. On paper shes a catch, but her severe untreated ADHD makes things difficult. Shes flighty and independent, but doesn't seem to know or care how this trait effects relationships. She constantly forgets things like birthdays, and then wonders why people get upset. She randomly ghosts, emerges a week later, and doesn't understand why people are concerned. She absolutely hates video games, can't sit still through a movie, will loudly complain something is boring despite the other person trying to entertain her, and just seems to have a very immature outlook on things. When my husband and I hung out with her (like in a bar) I was implicitly tasked with babysitting her. Not because she'd drink to much, but because she'd wander around, randomly talking to men, steal their drinks, dancing on them, giggle, etc. When the guys would reciprocate her very obvious flirting, she'd laugh in their face, call them weird, call them boring, and then literally run away. My husband has gotten into far more fights on her behalf than mine.

Needless to say the one dude who LTR'd her knew her since she was a kid so he understood her quirks and managed them. Its a shame they had to break up over her dogs/his video games. Since then she hasn't had a successful date because she considers all her prospects boring and weird. One part is location (boonies) the other part is she needs to sort out her ADHD.

male 1: Someone I grew up with that I've recently discovered I had slotted in the friend-zone when we were younger. He's moved on and we've developed a brother/sister relationship wherein he tells me his girl problems and I offer a woman's perspective. He had a big head when we were younger, but he's grown into it. A typical ectomorph, he's only now (in our 30's) starting to develop a man's physique. Makes good money, nice car, but he's stuck in the fucking boonies as well. He claims to be a 'sapiosexual' and is only attracted to intelligent, atheist women. Problem is he's surrounded by fat, church going, trump supporting, high school graduates. I told him he needs to move to Chicago for a much bigger and more compatible pool of women, but he doesn't want to give up the low cost of living in his area.

[deleted] · 2017-06-23T22:08:42+00:00

She's 27, she just had her sixth kid by her fourth baby daddy. She moves around repeatedly between new boyfriends and her mom's house. She averages getting a guy for about a year (long enough to crank out another kid) before he realizes exactly what he's gotten himself into. She's fat, lazy, crazy, and ugly. And every year, she pops out a new mouth to drain your wallet with.

despisedlove2 · 2017-06-24T03:36:06+00:00

I was.

I was BP.

[deleted] · 2017-06-23T17:03:05+00:00

I'm unsuccessful because I never tried to be successful in dating, put very little effort into myself and tend to avoid social settings.

One of my younger brothers is unsuccessful because he is very afraid of rejection, a little picky, easily obsessed with one girl and has a cognitive disability.

That's it I think. Every other person does at least okay.

Hairbrainer · 2017-06-23T17:10:55+00:00

A buddy is mine is unsuccessful because he's unattractive, dirty, dramatic, clingy, and he shoots way higher than he should.

Dude is unkempt and fat, and fixing those alone would do him wonders. He's broke and refuses to learn how to manage money and improve himself, despite many trying desperately to help him. He makes mountains out of molehills and will get physical if things don't go his way. On top of all this, he goes for nice, gorgeous women who give him any sort of smile or show kindness. He immediately "falls in love" and pesters the hell out of her until she eventually cuts him out of his life.

He is wildly insecure and aggressive, and blames his weight. This is partly true, but he refuses to lose weight because it's "too hard."

[deleted] · 2017-06-23T17:14:28+00:00

Dude about 31, fat, lives with mom still, gave up on women in his early twenties at some point. can't stop himself from eating. there is always an excuse for everything.

DemonConsulting · 2017-06-23T17:21:43+00:00

One of my best friends - she's fat, has very low self-esteem and pretry bad social anxiety. Honestly the last point is probably her biggest problem since she avoids social gatherings (especially those with alcohol) like the plague, doesn't put herself out there, let alone approaches guys - she just goes to classes, then straight home to play videogames or read. But then again she doesn't complain about being single or anything so if she really felt like she needed a relationship or sex, I think she could overcome those issues and all of her friends would gladly help her.

TheGreasyPole · 2017-06-23T17:24:54+00:00

Woman #1: SUPER hardcore feminist that loves magic and the zodiac, 130% extroverted, will literally say "I feel like I'm dying" if she goes five minutes without attention. Self-obsessed and perpetually needy, short, fat, thinning hair, huge ego. "Falls in love" quickly and often, only to pick apart 2-3 minor flaws of the guy and pretends they are enormous problems.

woman #2: has no sense of self, classic chameleon, it's like she tries on personalities that have nothing to do with who she is but will keep and discard them based on how people react to her. Wants to be married and have kids, but currently pretending to be a really popular party girl.

Woman #3: Complete flake. No direction in life, extremely lazy. 130% extrovert. Does not know when she's being annoying. Very invasive.

They are all single and fail repeatedly in relationships because of their personalities. They can be charming initially, but then the crazy comes charging in full steam.

[deleted] · 2017-06-23T17:42:38+00:00

Girl friend 1: She is nice and has a great personality, but dresses frumpy and is slightly overweight. Guys don't pay attention to her. When I ask they say she's not their type. I bet she would do well if she put on makeup, dropped the long shorts, and lost a little weight.
Girlfriend 2: She has thinning hair and stores fat in her face. She has a guy now stringing her along and won't seek other men because she's sort of in a relationship with him. Her standards are reasonable.
Girlfriend 3: She is super picky and also overweight. She hasn't caved on her standards at all, even though she's in her mid 30's.
Guy friend 1: He doesn't try. I invite him to stuff but he never talks and leaves early.
Guy friend 2: He crushes over hot bartenders that are out of his league. He can get dates from tinder but doesn't follow through with them. He also needs a different hairstyle. Unfortunately for him, he looks like a tall Tom Cruise, which you would think would help, but it doesn't.
Guy friend 3: Extremely tall and skinny red head. He's really smart but when he talks it comes across as condescending and even arrogant. He has reasonable standards. He is willing to date overweight women, but they aren't into him. I think he needs to gain some weight and avoid trying to sound smart when he talks.

purpleppp · 2017-06-23T17:46:06+00:00

My siblings. (M and F) They're very eccentric people. So am I, and I used to be unsuccessful. Maybe it has to do with our upbringing lol.

BPremium · 2017-06-23T18:00:52+00:00

Only person I know that struggles with dating, besides myself, is my buddy bill. Hes a talented music maker, makes beats and sells them to rappers. Thin, tall, has a great pitbull, owns a house and is under 30. His problem is he's white and not jacked, and since its the rap game, he goes for hood rats and nasty chicks into that scene. He can get girls, and they're pretty attractive, but they use him as a stepping stone to meet rappers.

jackandjill22 · 2017-06-23T19:22:10+00:00

Guys:

I am quite certain autistic and probably has other issues but refuses to acknowledge them. He is in severe denial that he has an issue. He has severely bad hygiene. Believes using soap or toothpaste is bad for you. Wears the same clothes everyday without washing until they basically become rags. Is Asian but desperately wants to be white. Like he openly tells people that he wants to be white. Only goes for really attractive Asian girls. Believes himself to be a nice guy---openly says "nice guys finish last." Extremely shallow person as in will see someone on the street and talk about how fat/ugly/poor they look. Basically this guy is a potential Elliot Rodgers.
Honestly a good person but is schizoid. Baby face but could be cute. Lives at home with parents and is fine with that even though has a high paying job. Very aloof and mechanical. Probably comes off as serial killer vibe to a lot of women. Doesn't put himself out there but also probably doesn't care too much about not having a romantic relationship.
Emotional wreck/mess. Selfish but convinced he's actually the good guy. Manchild obsessed with comic books hence his thinking that he is somehow the good person despite shitty things he does to people. whiteknight to the max. Cannot control his emotions at all. Constantly needs to be in a relationship. Gets out of a relationship because the girl can't take it anymore and immediately is in another relationship. Very needy and very jealous. Goes for girls who tend to walk all over him. Very self hating for things he can't change. Doing something he probably isn't smart enough/stable enough to do but feels like he has to do to prove something to himself and the world. Actually decently attractive. I'd give him a 7.

Girls:

Extreme denial. Is convinced she is smarter, better than everyone else because she has niche interests but those interests are actually probably more fitting for an adolescent (anime, cartoons, fanfic). Awkward, painfully shy and probably comes across as stuck up which she kind of is. Just kind of reminds me of a 13 year old girl even though she is 27. Doesn't drink because she's afraid to. Still a virgin. Doesn't do anything risky. Has no clue about sex. Generally thinks of herself as amazing but probably comes across as quiet, immature, and stuck up. I still have hope for her though she just needs someone to give her a dose of reality. She is probably quite attractive to other weeaboos but is so painfully shy that she doesn't ever pursue anything.
Borderline Personality Disorder. Crazy beautiful woman syndrome. Extremely masochistic. Regularly gets into very abusive relationships with borderline sociopathic men. Loves the early feeling of validation in a relationship, can't deal with the person's human qualities. Guys go from amazing and wonderful and sweet to "I wish they were dead. I hate them. They are scum." General downer. Constantly just dampens the mood. For instance talking about a class you like she will bring up a class she is failing and how the professor has a grudge against her. Can't tell her otherwise. Honestly love and feel sorry for this girl but I have to avoid her because she's just fucking depressing

Bonus girl: Very beautiful black girl. Constructs way too much of her identity on being black though. Very black pride this black pride that but secretly very insecure about being dark skinned. Has a literal poster list of 100 qualities a guy has to meet for her to date him. Some of them are ridiculous like must have hair that can look beautiful in dreads. Must be black lawyer or doctor. Must have read x y and z books. Must be from certain parts of the country etc. She regularly talks about this list with guys and I think it frightens them. Honestly she'll probably find someone but we'll end up becoming that judgmental church woman in a sexless relationship.

incelemperor · 2017-06-23T20:05:24+00:00

Me! I'm ugly, short, and Sikh! Case closed. Nobody wants to date that, except maybe when I finish med school and the golddiggers come out to play

quotient_is · 2017-06-23T20:11:50+00:00

Female: Good friend from middle school to 23. She embodies about half of the extreme negative female stereotype. She won't get help in dealing with abuse she suffered as a child and expects whoever she dates to take care of her every need. She isolates herself with partners until she drives them crazy and makes consistently horrible decisions. I dated her for a bit at around 17. Broke up when I realized she needed me to be her mommy.

To paint the full picture, one of her more horrible decisions was to run off to Colorado with some asshole she was convinced she loved. This dude was so fucked up he couldn't read an analog clock. Routinely injured himself in order to get pills from the local ER, all that kind of shit. They ended up living in a tent in Louisiana, somehow, and he died of a heroin overdose.

Male: He's a compulsive liar with poor hygiene and, I suspect, very low self esteem. He's overweight and lives in a trailer with four other adults. He's only ever had one real relationship, and I think it's primarily because his web of bullshit is so deep it's just obvious. He's not been able to land a girl for the last three years, at least.

bala-key · 2017-06-23T20:46:30+00:00

Long time buddy. Career beta, deadbedroomed, cheated on, divorce raped (50+% of income going to alimony and child support). Re-married to an aging woman who outearns him. 1 year in she somehow managed to conceive a baby at 40+ (with some medical help). Now the dude is in a dead bedroom again. There is a good chance that he'll never have a sex life.

Previously fat, now skinny fat. Not bad looking, but bad posture and no muscle. Hopelessly blue pill, possibly incurable nice guy and doormat. Breaks my heart, but I don't think he can be saved.

abicus4343 · 2017-06-23T19:37:15+00:00

Myself. I am utterly repulsed by any weakness in a man so I end up with narcissists and sociopaths and then quickly realize they are dangerous and abusive so I ditch them. Then I start the cycle again.

TheGreasyPole · 2017-06-23T17:11:57+00:00

One of my female friends was a 7/10 out of college but has put on a bit of weight, maybe a 5/10. She has a very involved skin, makeup, and hair routine. But her body isn't great and her whole affect isn't sexy despite her efforts. She is very much concerned with her degrees, signaling class with her consumption, being a "foody", etc. However, it's too overreaching of an imitation to be believable among higher class people, but reads as snobby to everybody else. She doesn't really make great money, despite going to an Ivy league school, and she shoehorns her credentials into conversations often. She basically wants an urbane guy with money, but winds up with career servers and artistic types and then resents them for being "below" her.

A male friend of mine is about a 4/10, balding, fat, no chin, etc. and basically grew up with the mythology that once he made decent money he would find a hot women based on that alone. Now he has a decent job and is only truly interested in women who are at least a standard deviation more attractive than him, but also can't make that much less than him, because that means they are "taking advantage". He does attract the attention of other fat people online, but he is totally cavalier about them, half-assing the dates until they blow him off. Then he uses their disinterest as proof that women have insane standards. A couple of times he's managed 1-2 coffee type dates with good looking women, and he becomes fucking obsessed with them, offering to do all this shit for them, texting them all the time, etc.

Merger-Arbitrage · 2017-06-23T17:14:41+00:00

I did a similar thread a while back. I'll repost my response:

Male 1

Looks: Tall, skinny-fat, with little sense of style, noticeably crooked/discolored teeth

Status: knew him as a college student (my roommate for a year or so).

Personality/Charm/etc: nothing out of the ordinary. Outgoing guy, in general.

Situation: Basically this guy didn’t kiss a single girl, AFAIK, in the ~3 years in college that I knew him. Claims to have had a girlfriend in high school in Alaska, in some middle-of-nowhere town, where he claims he was “the shit” since he was a visiting foreign boarding student. Upon moving to the Northeast for college, apparently his success with women ran out. He was quite social, always went out with me. Zero success that I saw.

Male 2

Looks: Average height, chubby, balding, average dress for college kid (dressed up well for some occasions, otherwise wore relatively loose clothing)

Status: knew him as a college student (friend of friends)

Personality/Charm/etc: IMO somewhat immature and annoying based on his areas on interest.

Situation: Same as male 1, I don’t think this guy ever even kissed a girl in college.

Male 3

Looks: Average height, varied from normal weight to slightly overweight, dress improved from average to more stylish over the years.

Status: knew him as college student (suite mate) to post college for several years

Personality/Charm/etc: nothing out of the ordinary. Relatively outgoing guy.

Situation: Had girlfriend in high school, but did not have sexual experiences with her. Went on several dates in college, “fooled around” with 1-2 girls, but no intercourse. Post college, went on 1-2 dates with 1 girl, no intercourse. Arguably “incel” mode right here.

[deleted] · 2017-06-23T17:30:34+00:00

The romantically and sexually unsuccessful people I know are all lacking self awareness and the desire to pursue personal growth. They have huge blind spots which they refuse to acknowledge.

RockinSocksII · 2017-06-23T17:47:50+00:00

Me. I dunno, probably too masculine.

[deleted] · 2017-06-23T19:20:48+00:00

Most of the people I know who are bad at relationships are really terrible at picking partners. They have no gut-instinct for detecting decency. Every single time they pick a partner, all I can think is, "This chick/dude is going to give you herpes and rob you blind. Possibly slash your tires. Definitely mess up your credit score." They just shouldn't be allowed to pick for themselves. I don't know if this is a social skills deficit, or what.

Butt-Factory · 2017-06-23T20:42:06+00:00

My dear sweet baby cousin is a textbook incel (not a misogynist though). He's very tall and very overweight, physically awkward, extremely intellectual and highly intelligent, socially awkward as fuck, clueless with fashion, questionable hygiene. He is also an absolute doll of a man. So kind and gentle. Obviously I'm biased as he's like a baby brother to me and I've always been over the moon for him. He's a special dude.

He's now 26 years old. I know for sure that he was a kissless virgin up to 6 months ago, but that might have changed recently (fingers crossed). I created an OKC profile for him and helped him contact a few women, and one bit! She's a very sweet, equally dorky woman who seems to really like him. They've been dating for a few weeks and all is going well. I hope he grows the balls to make a move, and I bet he will.

I have another friend who is a very attractive and sweet woman, but she has Aspergers. She gets approached quite a bit, but men lose interest after one or two dates due to her poor social skills. It's too bad, she really wants a partner. I'm tempted to contact her dates and let them know that she gets less awkward with time and they should give her a chance, but that's just too invasive.

[deleted] · 2017-06-24T00:32:06+00:00

--a young lawyer I know. He works too hard. He is skinny and lanky. he has a below average face. He is a great, funny, witty guy. Smart and is going places in his career. But he's got below average looks, and that will make it very very hard for him.

--a lawyer I know who got into teaching. She's 45 now. She is average looking but looks 10 years younger than her actual age. She married her high school sweetheart after law school. The marriage fell apart after her husband lost his job, got depressed, and cheated on her. She had a lengthy long distance relationship with another professor that ended after 4 years because he wouldn't marry her and his mom didn't like her. She moved away to the next state over, and dates semifrequently. She tells me she hasn't had sex or anything close to a serious relationship in 3 years. Reasons: She works too hard. All she has is her career and she prioritizes it over absolutely everything else. She picks men who are very nice, but loser betas who can't manage a relationship with a driven, ambitious college professor and who won't stand up to her. Men who actually would stand up to her and would manage her very well, are higher value, can do much better, and wouldn't be interested in her beyond slumming it.

--A woman I know is pretty. Pretty face. But fat. Morbidly obese, in part because of her habits; in part because a thyroidectomy really fucked with her hormones. That, and she is needy and clingy. She's 53 and never has been married or has kids, and probably never will.

--One woman I know has problems with emotional regulation. She has emotional outbursts where she gets so angry and agitated she lashes out. She can't keep relationships going. She's also a "reformed slut" and an alpha widow. It's not hard to see why no man wants her and why all her relationships fail.

KrispyMcSockington · 2017-06-24T00:37:01+00:00

Some family members, many of whom are single moms.

They are unwilling to compromise, possible alcoholics, make poor life decisions (such as having kids with men who don't stick around), are abusive towards their kids, have poor attitudes and some even suffer mental illness. They never tend to their issues at all and would perpetuate a lie rather than deal with the truth. I had an uncle who was homeless for years, family members who were drug addicts, some were even gang members. I know at least one family member who beats his wife. I saw messed up relationships up close.

As for friends, most of my guy friends were single until they finished university and got jobs. Women were just not interested in the average guy until he had some money and a car. As far as I know, most got married and had kids. I had some female friends who were terrible at relationships, though. They cheated or were crazy and controlling. They still got boyfriends quite easily, though.

[deleted] · 2017-06-24T16:31:05+00:00

Me. I'm 5'5", not very facially attractive and not white.

[deleted] · 2017-06-24T18:22:05+00:00

I would classify myself as one of these people, but I know exactly why:

1) I'm short (so I need to try harder than the average guy). 2) I don't try harder at all. 2a) I don't go to the gym. 2b) I don't care about my appearance all. My clothes are many years old and my shoes are practically falling apart. 3) I simply don't care for women much. I mean that in terms of talking to and getting to know them. I would fuck them (I'm straight) if it wasn't so much effort, but I'd rather just stay home and jerk off.

Honestly, I wouldn't be bothering with women at all if I didn't recently decide that I wanted to have a family.

And, for the record, I'm not autistic. I have friends and people respond well to me. I have a high paying job that deals a lot with customer service. I can be very charming if I want to be and I used to clean up with women when I was in college. But I just don't feel that the incentive is there.

Frankly, I don't believe that women have much to offer me these days.

Pope_Lucious · 2017-06-23T17:11:35+00:00

Depends on what you mean by "unsuccessful in dating" but I'll go with a definition of "wants to date people but cannot". Most people who fit this category are either ugly/fat with waaaaay too high of standards or introverted types who don't have much exposure to new people.

Love8Death · 2017-06-23T17:15:18+00:00

Two main categories:

MGTOW, women are too much fucking effort so why bother when I got my hand and movies and video games. 90% don't even try to begin with, typically they're only useful for sperg convos and armchair intellectualizing.
Incels, reek of desperation, live for others, no sense of self, shit confidence, terrible social skills, self righteous, massive delusional expectations, gives up quickly, averse to pain, averse to failure, suck at learning from experiences, don't know how to love.

mgtownigga · 2017-06-23T20:48:35+00:00

Usually it's a combination of poor grooming, low status, and unfortunate genetics. With some guys, it's almost all behavior though, as in they exhibit some abnormal ass shit that would turn off anyone. These guys are the most frustrating, because if they could unfuck their head, they'd be doing at least marginally well.

HugMuffin · 2017-06-23T21:56:29+00:00

Oh boy another statistics collecting thread in a biased environment with highly unreliable collection methods and a small sample size I can't wait to contribute

The people who fail in relationships in my totally true, not at all made up, exaggerated, or affected by confirmation bias opinion is that all those who fail in relationships are red pill followers, and possibly also holocaust deniers.

questioningwoman · 2017-06-23T21:59:56+00:00

it's simple, the men are usually too good so woman avoid them saving them for marriage/cucks, the woman are usually really bratty, or just horrible people in general. from my experience and observations, i would rank it as: good man<bad woman< bad man< good woman < alpha man. everyone but the bad woman and good man have no trouble dating.

the alpha slays as always, most woman have no trouble just the woman who are really out of shape and crazy have trouble with ltr, a bad man is better than a good man depending on who's more alpha, generally the badder guy or fuckboy is, as they are more alpha. why have a honest guy you can always depend on and believes in equal rights, when you have a guy all your girlfriends fucked and still has girls texting him by the hour, plus i think woman like a guy that is not afraid to hit them. this is from what i've obverse in my many social groups and city.

DebatePony · 2017-06-24T00:51:38+00:00

How are you going to define unsuccessful?

I'm going to define it as: not being able to get into a long lasting, loving relationship that results in marriage which seems happy.

The unsuccessful people I know:

26F, very conventionally attractive, may have a slight eating disorder (gets "full" after two pieces of...really anything) but maybe she just has fantastic self control. Possible daddy issues (step father from young age, her real father not in the picture often, a drunk, who dies when she is still very young due to driving drunk, was in the room when they turned off the machines which kept him alive), and just an all around terrible judge of character. Don't get me wrong, I love this woman, but she has the worst taste in men. She is currently "dating" a man who is separated from his wife, but still married, he's also like twice her age. When I read about red pills AWALT, I think of her. She's going to hit the "wall" soon and grab up her beta bucks (imo, it can't come soon enough).

35M, married wife after just over a year dating (engaged at four months of dating), they have a child but he never wanted kids, has made this very clear to anyone who will listen/read. His "one that got away" still haunts him, and I think has discovered that sex isn't everything he every wanted because his wife seems dissatisfied. No sex before marriage which is why I think they rushed the relationship. I think she is a high level, whilst through years is self control is now low. She is at least happy now that the kid is here, but I wonder about them in years to come.

IIHotelYorba · 2017-06-24T02:25:20+00:00

One of my best friends is a good guy who definitely can get women but he's so fucking negative all the time that no matter what happens it's always a net loss in his mind. He's one of the big reasons I push positivity so much, you can "have it all" and not appreciate it.

[deleted] · 2017-06-24T02:41:54+00:00

I define people who are unsuccessful as people who are unhappy . And mostly the people I know like that are people who are married to women who are not very nice. So I'd say people who are a soft touch and give away their commitment ie give away their life too easily are the unsuccessful ones

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speltspelt · 2017-06-23T17:43:43+00:00

[deleted]

ByronicAsian · 2017-06-23T17:53:15+00:00

~~Ugly, shallow, risk adverse, and extreme inexperience amplifying the risk averse nature into dissuading me from trying.~~

Oh shit, misread OP. Come to think of it, I don't think I have any "incel" friends. Most of them have had some sort of success with women.

[deleted] · 2017-06-26T17:18:06+00:00

My cousin is addicted to hot broken girls. In a nut shell he refuses to believe in any other reality than wifing the 11/10 stripper and having her be exclusive even reverent towards him.

Expectations are whacked

Relax_ItsJustAPhase · 2017-07-05T16:34:37+00:00

One of my best friends is a man who has been single all his life and is a virgin at 36.

I don't think it's really because of one thing. He's not noteworthy unattractive, is built well, smart and generally respectful. He does have some social issues. He tends to treat social situations as a pulpit and preach, misses social cues, is competitive in many things. Probably to a smaller or larger degree due to his diagnosis of Asperger's. But I think the bigger issue is indirectly related to that. He doesn't go out, doesn't like social situations, dislikes small talk. He's socially adept enough at face value really, he's not 'weird or anything. Just a bit odd with some things. But he doesn't meet people

I always think of him when I see a post by or about incels; here's this genuinely nice guy, never had sex and he doesn't at all hate women or thinks less of us just because he is frustrated. He realizes it's not that women don't like him because he is 'unattractive' or has Asperger's, but that his lack of social drive just throws up the obstacle of not meeting women.

I'm positive that if he meets a nice girl who likes him he will make her very happy. Not in a protecting m'lady kind of cringy way, but a happiness grounded in reality

Title	Describe the people in your life who are unsuccessful in dating/relationships and why you believe that to be the case
Author	figthief
Upvotes	16
Comments	378
Date	June 23, 2017 4:56 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6j2gx3/describe_the_people_in_your_life_who_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/describe-the-people-in-your-life-who-are.267410 https://theredarchive.com/post/267410

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