What is tinder like for the average guy?

oneprettycoolcat · 2019-10-25T09:46:24+00:00

Tinder is great as a guy if you want to get rid of your self-esteem.

welcometothejl · 2019-10-25T11:44:06+00:00

If you swipe for 15 minutes a day you will inevitably get a few matches a week. Zero of them will message you first, two of them might respond. Out of the two responses neither will show any signs of effort or include interesting information that could lead to more meaningful conversation. You'll constantly feel like you're trying to reenergize a flat conversation, and if you don't, it's over. So you put in all this effort, and now you get to meet in person some woman who is 25lbs heavier than her picture would have had you believe, while she tells you about all of her baggage and doesn't offer to go dutch on the check. Totally not worth it. Obviously this is a worse case scenario, but more often than not, reality is closer to this than being an enjoyable experience.

FrigidShadow · 2019-10-25T08:19:08+00:00

This agrees with my year so far on tinder: https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/search/?q=tinder&restrict_sr=1

I had a gorgeous gf for most of college, but on tinder I barely get any matches, I went on several dates with one girl that went nowhere because she was more interested in some other guy. I did also get a girl who wanted to hookup, but by the time I made certain she wasn't a catfish she'd moved on. I seriously have no choices, I don't get to have standards for anything, either swipe right on almost everything and take what I can get or get nothing. And either way I still end up with nothing outside of rare luck.

90% of conversations from tinder are one-sided if I even get a response, and it's seriously made me give up because it just shows that they aren't even people worth dating since they put in zero effort, and yet I'm the kind of person that most women claim to want but I can't even get to a first date because I don't meet whatever absurdly shallow standard of pictures that women swipe right on.

rus9384 · 2019-10-25T10:05:24+00:00

For every girl there are 4 guys. You can imagine guys' success rate there. Like think what a night club would be if it was the same.

Eastuss · 2019-10-25T09:17:23+00:00

As you can see with the dataisbeautiful link, most men have 1% match rate and 0.01% date rate and 0% sex/relationship rate.

Women seem to have on average a 10% match rate over all profiles they saw (but 60% match rate over all the profiles they selected), and then it ends more often in dates, but still very low success rate overall.

No woman seem to have posted data for casual sex.

Wallstreet3 · 2019-10-25T11:52:53+00:00

OLD is a toy box full of broken toys.

NockerJoe · 2019-10-25T08:08:16+00:00

At my worst I could swipe for weeks with nothing. At my best I was getting like three or four a week. Half of those are bots. Half of the remainder will ghost or unmatch within minutes of a match. Half of that remainder will curve any actual meetup no matter what your game is like.

Keep in mind this is regardless of appearance or bio or whatever actual chemistry there is. A lot of women don't understand what the dregs of Tinder are like. There's no shortage of 5'4 250 pound women who just want consequence free fucking and will pick up as many men as she can to pick from, just like those studies they say are BS. There's also a lot of women who want something "open" or something with a lot of asterisks involved in the deal. There's a few actual sex workers just there to pick up clients. There's a good number who aren't but are only there to advertise their social media pages or cam sites or premium snap. This is to say nothing of the "Netflix and Travel and The Office(and no other show)" crowd which makes up like a third of women you can even swipe from let alone who you're swiping on or matching with.

The competition for a sane woman who isn't any of the above is so fierce you basically need a locked down profile to make it work. That means linking your active Insta and Spotify and rotating pictures out regularly so your ELO doesn't drop and doing every little thing right just to get your foot in the door along with the 20 other guys she found doing the same thing and the 2 or 3 actual top tier guys who don't have to do any of that shit and just show up with some bathroom selfies.

jono12132 · 2019-10-25T10:46:54+00:00

No matches at all really. Due to Tinder I'm no longer sure I even am an average guy tbh. Upon making a profile, I'll get about 5 matches... and that's it really. During the week of making a new profile I might get another couple. Then it is kind of just one match every week or 2.

So I kind of stop getting them after about 7. Of those 7, 5 won't reply. Of the 2 that do, they usually will stop replying after a couple of messages. I rarely can get to messaging someone for around a week but when I suggest the meetup then they stop replying. But that doesn't really happen. So then Tinder feels a bit pointless to use because I'm waiting on more matches which is something that I'm only getting like once a week if that. So I'd end up constantly remaking my profile. As that is the only way I'd get matches.

I've met about 4 girls off the apps and slept with one of them. This was over a period of 5 years using them every day. 2 overweight girls and 2 really attractive high quality girls. One of the girls I'd briefly met at a meetup before matching with her, I'd doubt we'd have matched had she not recognised me already. Only 2 of them wanted multiple dates (oddly enough the better looking girls). I've never treat Tinder like a hookup app, because I'm not interested in just hooking up and I'm not good looking enough/getting the matches to treat it like that anyway. I only managed to sleep with one and she eventually ghosted me.

I live in a small city in England, not a mega metropolis like London or Manchester. I'd occasionally run out of people to swipe on. Earlier this year I was travelling in South East Asia, I used it just to see how easy it would be to get a match and yeah you match with pretty much everyone. That seems like the only way Tinder would ever be worth using.

Tinder has killed my self esteem tbh. I don't think I'm that ugly but after putting a lot of effort in with the apps, I just don't know anymore. All of my friends that use the apps seem to be having more or less the same experience as me. So maybe they're shit for most guys. I find it hard to keep using them or any form of OLD these days because my experiences are just so negative. I've used pretty much every site and app at this point. After being ghosted I'm taking a break from the apps, but I'm finding it hard to find a reason to download them again. I know it will be a shit experience if I do. I'm in a meetup group and regularly go on nights out to bars and clubs. So I'm putting myself "out there", but things are pretty much the same in real life too.

plugupthere · 2019-10-25T09:13:42+00:00

My right thumb got RSI. Deleted the app and now only my right wrist has RSI

[deleted] · 2019-10-25T10:34:38+00:00

For the average guy you will get matches but way less then the girls and even then it doesn't go anywhere and your self esteem slowly starts to degrade.

goneaway2thewind · 2019-10-25T10:13:03+00:00

I actually did relatively well although no one ever really wants to meet up, I don't think people take it seriously.

eboy4hire · 2019-10-25T14:05:03+00:00

Easy hookups... with extremely obese chicks. For me it's only an app to go dumpster diving.

feraxil · 2019-10-25T13:50:58+00:00

I've never matched with anyone that wasnt' a bot or scammer on any dating app.

I'm heavy, tho, so I'm not exactly average.

nowahwahwah · 2019-10-25T15:12:01+00:00

I'm early 20s and definitely a late bloomer. started on tinder at 19 and pretty average, maybe got 5 matches a week with average women. I was definitely a late bloomer and look a bit like "insert blue eyed celebrity here" now. Before meeting my current girlfriend I maxed out at 99+ likes my first day and would match with pretty much every girl I swiped right on for the next few weeks (usually would try and keep new matches to a few per week). Only average height though so I'm not the top of the top, but shit sucks if you're average or below.

geyejoe7 · 2019-10-25T10:43:27+00:00

If you are a good looking guy, you can secure hookups, and maybe a date or two with some women as long as you can keep a conversation.

If you are an average guy, don't bother looking for hookups. Women can find a better looking dude just with a swipe of a finger. And with hookups, looks are all that matters, so don't bother.

If you are looking for a girl to take on a date (and you have a normal looking profile), then you are playing on the off chance that a woman will swipe right on you. And after that, if you are a smooth talker or maybe make her laugh, you can get a date in 0.01% of cases.

Your chances will however be increased if you make your profile funny. Maybe take a few funny pics, put a meme in there and play on the 1% chance of finding a down-to-earth girl that is into the same type of humour.

If you aren't a good looking, or particularly funny/interesting/smart person, then tinder is NOT for you.

I am an average dude and have tried both a normal and a funny profile tactic.

All I got were a dozen likes and 5-6 matches. Out of which 2 responded, and were a brick wall to talk to.

So yea, tinder is a trashy sight. For either slutty or desperate people lol.

Ubermensch-1 · 2019-10-25T08:50:37+00:00

I got easily 5 matches or more per day but none of them actually lead to anything. Complete waste of time.

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-10-25T13:26:00+00:00

True average as in median dude? Have a couple friends like this

They swipe endlessly and will Occasionally match an uggo, rarely match a decent looking girl who won’t message back, and might get someone who is willing to go on a date with them once a month. Average guy probably gets a right swipe rate of 1% I imagine

And this isn’t below average, this is a pure median dude

couldbemage · 2019-10-25T16:03:54+00:00

It seems like a lot of people here are missing two important facts: tinder is a hookup app, not a wifeup app. And. Most women don't want hookups.

And when women are looking for hookups, the ego boost is part of the deal. So of course they want the dude to pay. Since the whole point is convincing themselves that they're valuable.

Literally the same girl: paying my rent while in a relationship with me. Expecting the guy to buy a nice dinner and pay for a hotel when she's doing tinder.

MasonMan1234 · 2019-10-25T16:39:35+00:00

Don’t go on Tinder as a guy unless you’re very attractive, you’re better off approaching women in real life

officerkondo · 2019-10-25T18:53:04+00:00

You know Ben Stein's "anyone? anyone?" scene in Ferris Bueller? It's that.

Niki_Biryani · 2019-10-25T18:53:42+00:00

Few matches in over a year. No dates. 5'11'', 165 lbs, 14% BF, pretty well built. It would be rated about 7/10, but not white. Tinder is useless for me.

Hornyonion · 2019-10-25T19:44:05+00:00

Average guy makes profile. Uploads the best pics he has. The one with the guitar on the background, that he hasn't touched since high school. The one with the shirt on, on that rare occasion where he attended his cousins wedding. The one where he is giving a public speech as part of the his female studies class. Also the one on the bathroom where the combination of light, shades and his half leaning posture shows 2 FUCKING ABS.

He sets a cheesy pick up line. He knows the ladies want something dirty, funny, romantic, clever, AND new at the same time. No need to project weakness at this critical moment. He gives it a though for about.. 3 secs! O yes... He comes up with something genius!!

"While going to the gym to play my guitar, I completed my calculus homework after reading my Paolo Cohelo book. NO CASUAL HOOK UPS. IF YOU DARE, SHOW THAT YOU CARE"

Pure POETRY. The ladies will line up now.

He sets the age range, distance etc. Well he is not that picky. Actually he is not picky at all. Actually ANY hole will do. Setting the preferences is done.

Now he starts swiping. No need to waste time with all these frivolities, like looking the pics or reading the bio or looking at the screen. The focus is in the "like" button. A fisherman does not distinguish between the fish. All fish are welcome. The like button now is on fire.

FUCKING greedy app. It only allows a certain number of likes. Too bad for the ladies, not for me.. Well, what can you do. The selection process has been completed. The landmines have been set. Now we wait.

And he waits...

He checks frantically. Is my network connection on? I think I read about a bug... The messages and the likes dissappear! Yes! That's it!... Well let's wait a bit more...

And he waits...

A bit more waiting...

END OF PART ONE

meomeowmeoww · 2019-10-25T21:12:29+00:00

If you actually talked to these men theres a reason why they are failing so hard. They are godawful at even online socialising and it probably also shows in their profile.

QuestionablePresenc3 · 2019-10-25T09:05:49+00:00

Eh, I live in a country where this app is not very common, but I found it pretty easy to get matches despite having an empty bio and no good photos (well, getting photos as a guy that has no social life is a nightmare). The problem is that it is hard to get invested into boring profiles and try to come up with interesting conversations through texting, so I kinda gave up on it. Well, since I have no idea how to get dates in real life, I'll probably get back to it eventually, hopefully with more effort.

CommittedToLearning · 2019-10-25T13:32:50+00:00

I am an average Indian man, by all accounts OLD should be hell for me, but it wasnt the hellscape many "average" men like to paint it as.

Swiping only on the shitter I would get 1-2 matches a day with average to above average women. I would have to carry most of the conversations but most girls seemed receptive, it wasn't too hard to get a number and I could get 1 date a week/every other week or so. Had a few girls message me very forward about wanting to hook up, but that wasn't the norm.

I think guys who think they are average get destroyed in online dating because they have garbage tier photos on top of women already barely being able to judge a man's attractiveness by pictures alone.

Also most guys who let OLD ruin their self esteem are quasi-losers with no real social life so the only romantic interactions they have with women are online where they get constantly rejected.

PookyTheCat · 2019-10-25T12:45:51+00:00

You're in the wrong location, as a man. I wouldn't even bother in countries where women are taken care of by the state / your tax money.

Simply try FIRE as quickly as possible and go and live somewhere else. Lots of young, attractive and usually responsive women to be found on all kinds of dating apps there.

Sure, it's because of your money, but who cares? That's no different than anywhere else really. Only there you're one of the few with money and they can't get to your money using the government/ballot box, so they have to do it the old fashioned way.

RahLyt · 2019-10-25T14:42:45+00:00

I'd be luckier if I approached a random girl in the street than using tinder.

Son_of_Tzu · 2019-10-25T15:29:48+00:00

Back when i was using Tinder a year ago I had on average 1 match a day (i was swiping quite aggressively and i was difficult)

The success rate after that was... variable. I did get a crazy ex from there and a few cool flings, but the effort and amount of mindgames you have to put in just doesnt make up for it.

I might go back tho after i get a better phone and some bulk back but im in no rush.

Kos_-_Omak · 2019-10-25T16:08:32+00:00

It's a waste of time for most guys unless they are very good looking or have absolutely zero standards and are DTF fat single mothers and ghetto hoodrats and batshit crazy attention whores. And even then it's probably more efficient in the long run to work on social circle game or go hit up some bars.

shadclaw9 · 2019-10-25T16:23:50+00:00

It's not really worth it unless you're well above average in appearance or extremely witty over text

[deleted] · 2019-10-25T16:50:12+00:00

zero matches in the west, but i get girls liking me outside western society and some European countries. wholesome women usually, tho not many but they are nice and give ya a chance. still i live in the west so i could never date them. but yea in my country canada women just want hot guys with money, avg dude with personality is the same as a pile of trash.

ifelsedowhile · 2019-10-25T17:24:47+00:00

I tried but I lost interest pretty quickly. If you're not top tier Chad, you're usually ignored. It's also a thing that works better if you live in large urban areas in the US but not so much in a medium sized EU country with an aging population.

corey_trevorson · 2019-10-25T17:40:46+00:00

I only ever matched with one girl I was attracted to and she ghosted me because she lived across the Canadian border and I had no passport.

TL;DR Tinder is dismal for the average guy

finch2200 · 2019-10-25T18:02:49+00:00

After 7 months, all of my matches have either not responded, been bots, or tried to sell me something/steal my credit card information?

Hopefully this is uncommon for others.

erman88 · 2019-10-25T18:45:36+00:00

Tinder sucks even for a slightly above average guy, I get a lot of matches but mostly disinterested, boring responses or no response at all. Seems like tinder is full of girls looking for a self esteem boots, IG followers or just a way to pass the time with no real intent to date someone seriously. Girls match with 9/10 guys they swipe right and have so much interest they don't have to put in any effort.

That said I've had some success with it, but more success with other (imo better) dating apps like bumble and hinge.

guy_24601 · 2019-10-25T21:06:47+00:00

friend of mine got a date out of it once every 3/6 months, for spending who knows how many hours on it. He stopped bothering.

Grek27 · 2019-10-25T22:30:04+00:00

IDK, Ive matched like ~40 women but the conversations usually fizzled or they were further away than I cared to drive.

Dat level of vanity though. Got to love the "I do yoga in exotic places" bitches. The "I like to dance mostly naked" rave whores and of course the "bi 2spirits nonmonogamous" super heavyweights.

muse2297 · 2019-10-26T00:14:56+00:00

I have a friend who used Tinder who is fairly average, maybe a bit above average because he's 6 ft 2 and white.Facially, he's nothing special, but because he's tall, white, not fat, and has good text game, he was able to find success off of Tinder.

He did get matches with decently attractive woman and he had good enough "game" to keep them interested in texting him more. He would come up with funny jokes as a way to open the conversation and would try and be creative with his texts as a way to keep the girl interested. He was even able to get dates off of the app but he also said that many of the women he scheduled to have dates with would flake on him last minute and he was disappointed about that. If I had to guess, he probably went on one date a month or two.

I also used Tinder but I never had the same success as him, in fact I never even got a date. But then again, i'm very short and facially not very attractive so that's why.

lazyeng1neer · 2019-10-26T01:00:54+00:00

You're better off putting time into a hobby that involves the opposite sex

wesborlandisagod5 · 2019-10-26T13:28:53+00:00

Take pictures of an average guy

5'8 preferably latino,( any race really)maybe that guy that liked you but hes nice, and hell find someone some day.

Give it a go try and to females see how it goes.

goatismycopilot · 2019-10-26T13:38:07+00:00

It probably isn't great, I never tried Tinder but some friends and single women I work with used it. One girl who literally looked like Barbie got messages from the few attractive men and did very well. But for the most part the men were garbage, the pictures were blurry, or they were fat or ugly, what I saw were a few good looking dudes, nothing in the middle and a bunch of ugly dudes. And most of them had shitty messages, it looked like a giant time waste.

[deleted] · 2019-10-26T18:36:21+00:00

I live in a rural area with low tinder traffic so zero matches ever. I do great on OKcupid or any other medium that allows me to just look up a profile and send it a first message.

sexyloser1128 · 2019-10-27T00:37:16+00:00

Zero matches for normal guys. Its sucks and is useless.

Rolthox · 2019-10-27T15:25:37+00:00

It is almost a complete waste of time for me, but I'm not wealthy or attractive. I imagine different guys have different results, but for the average (or in my case below average) guy it is pretty much a time waster.

washington_breadstix · 2019-10-28T02:48:11+00:00

The average guy's Tinder prospects are so lame that the app is hardly worth using. Unless, of course, his expectations are correspondingly low and he's content having flings with fat single moms.

But for the most part, Tinder amplifies the principle that it's extremely hard for guys to have casual sex with women at similar attractiveness levels on the bell curve. If an average-ish guy has the required social skills to meet women in "real life", he might be able to casually bang women 1-2 points below him on the looks scale. But on Tinder, the casual lays will be more like 3-4 points lower. When women's access to Chads is that much easier, their standards are that much higher, and their demands on the average men are that much more stringent.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2019-10-25T11:38:03+00:00

I am by no means an attractive guy, for reference I score around 5 to 6 on Photofeeler, but I do pretty well on Tinder. I don't know why though. I've even caught the attention of women who are solid 10s or 9s. I've found relationships, fwbs, friends, etc. Its insane to me. I don't get many matches, maybe a couple a month, but the quality is usually there. On top of this, I have about a 90% success rate. After the first date almost every women I meet wants more.

This is all very jarring to me, because I was basically a leper to girls growing up. Very few were interested in me. My love life was nonexistent for a long time. So now its like... what gives?

As much as I hate to admit it... I think u/Atlas_b_Shruggin is right. Tinder is probably a poor tool for determining attraction. Looking at pictures of someone and actually interacting with them are vastly different for determining attraction. Because objectively I'm nothing special, but obviously something is piquing these women's interests.

yes_i_am_dumb · 2019-10-25T13:32:21+00:00

I match with roughly 10 girls a day during the first week or so of a new account but then the stupid ass algorithm kicks in and that goes way down.

I match with cute girls, and i can get matches after that if i use the boost thing, but otherwise its dead. Conversations go nowhere even when the girl messages me first

Freevoulous · 2019-10-25T13:54:29+00:00

I tried it twice:

Going on Tinder unprepared, with a random pic I made a second before, and an half-assed bio: near zero matches. 6 months of lazy swiping only resulted in a dozen of matches and one (albeit sexually successful) date.
Much later, I reinstalled Tinder. Got a friend to take the most badass, flattering pics of me we could think of. Spent a day researching how to write an intriguing but Alpha bio and messages. Started swiping near religiously on all women who I thought would be into me even remotely. Got a lot of useless matches, but still at least 2 dates a month, most of which resulted in same-night sex.

IMPORTANT: both my bio and my messages clearly stated that I was looking for a fuck and nothing serious, so the numbers were skewed towards that kind of women who are into that. My goal was to be AF looking for FWB, not a guy looking for a girlfriend.

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deadlegs12 · 2019-10-25T14:30:31+00:00

I had success with tinder in college. I once got a threesome (two girls and me) by seeing if two different matches would be into it.

Since I graduated it’s pretty meh and I’ve stopped using it.

I think im fairly average looking, maybe a little extra masculine face. I’m 5’6”. I was jacked and shredded in college (gym 2+hours/day 6 days a week, and no carbs that don’t contain alcohol). But never had shirtless photos on dating apps (seemed tacky)

Title	What is tinder like for the average guy?
Author	__queenofsaigon_
Upvotes	28
Comments	205
Date	October 25, 2019 5:28 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dmsv4x/what_is_tinder_like_for_the_average_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-tinder-like-for-the-average-guy.292642 https://theredarchive.com/post/292642

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