PSA about hormones and hormonal birth control when dating and selecting

AnniaT · 2021-04-08T12:18:08+00:00

I didn't experience the same but I remember that when I took birth control years ago, it made me dry down there, which made sex more uncomfortable and it decreased my libido too.

Wildestrose1988 · 2021-04-08T12:56:01+00:00

I LOVE telling y'all about the time my OBGYN didn't warn me a type of oral contraceptive could make me bleed for months.... MONTHS.

Like I specifically asked if there are any serious side effects that could effect my plans and she basically shrugged and told me no. After I'm on it they tell me bleeding all the time is normal and just keep taking it. I guess they don't consider a period that lasts til ??? a serious side effect.

Psychotic.

2021-04-08T13:40:47+00:00

Everyone needs to read "How the Pill changes everything", by Dr Sarah E Hill. Seriously. It covers this, as well as many of the effects the pill and hormonal birth control have on us (including completely changing our body's hormonal response to stress). It's no joke and after reading it, I decided to stop taking the pill.

Luckily I had met my fiancé when I was taking a break from the pill and stopping it completely has improved our sex life (I always know when I'm about to ovulate because I get really, really horny then, and the sex is amazing!)

Eta: just to specify that I'm recommending this book not to convince other women to stop taking their HBC, but more so because being aware of what we put in our bodies and how it affects us (and hormones affect us a lot) is so important to make an informed decision.

frustratedanon123 · 2021-04-08T12:47:14+00:00

Birth control has much further reaching side effects than mainstream society leads us to believe. I stopped taking hormonal birth control at 21 because it used to give me raging mood swings and I was so angry ALL the time. I would wake up from dreams of viciously beating people and I am completely opposed to violence except in life threatening situations. It is real and terrifying how much these side effects are downplayed and normalized for young women.

fds_account58 · 2021-04-08T13:24:03+00:00

Does anyone know if HBC can positively affect mood? I used to really have crazy mood swings BEFORE I went on it. Lately I’ve noticed my mood seems low for no reason and I’m not sure whether to go off or stay on. My periods were really irregular, painful, and unmanageable before I went on. I’m worried about going off. Also I do NOT want kids so I’m not sure which type to switch to instead?

pugaczalla · 2021-04-08T13:55:11+00:00

This is exactly what happened to me. I was on the pill since I was 19. Met my ex few years after and although I wasn’t super attracted to him, it was ok enough. I had a low libido - now I know that it was also thanks to the pill - so it didn’t matter to me that I’m not that sexually attracted to him. Big, big mistake. Towards the end of the relationship we weren’t having sex anyways so I stopped taking the pill. After some time, the thought of even kissing him was just absolutely disgusting. His natural smell was very off-putting. I felt absolutely zero sexual attraction to him. If I didn’t take the pill for some years before the relationship, I’d be able to follow my natural response to him and I’d have known that I have no sexual attraction to him and it isn’t going to work out no matter what. The pill made me tolerate sex quite well. No pill - total repulsion and my whole body screaming that I’m not sexually compatible with this guy.

Few years after, when I started dating again, I connected well on an emotional and intellectual level with one guy. But my body screamed no. It was exactly like with my ex, but this time it was much, much, MUCH more clear to me that I’m not into him sexually.

Yeah, fuck the pill. I’lol never take it again.

anywaysheresrational · 2021-04-08T12:30:11+00:00

This 100% happened to me.

Met him while on HBC, was attracted enough for the first 2 years. But it faded in a sneaky process over the course of the third year, together with my whole libido (I normally have very high libido like so many women I know). Moody, depressed, poor sleep, weight gain, hair thinning, no more attraction and libido.... The whole show. Then finally dumped that shit down the toilet.

Hooo boi did I wake up. Wow. My energy came back. Within 3-6 months my sleep improved so dramatically. I lost the weight, no more feeling blue and moody all the time. And yep, was not attracted to him anymore. It sucked, but I did what had to be done after 4 years together and ripped off the bandaid. Rather messy break up, he guilt tripped me hard and did not take it well. Which I have empathy for (not for his shitty behavior though).

I never went back. Was on HBC for a total of 9 years (16-25), entirely off it ever since. No way I will ever touch that shit again. Stayed happily single and mostly celibate in my lane. Current relationship is condoms, pulling out, knowing my cycle and both entirely acknowledging that sex = possible pregnancy. Simple as that.

souredskittles · 2021-04-08T13:46:36+00:00

It’s true. I went on birth control and lost most of my desire for men. Upside is that it makes me more ruthless but downside it makes me less motivated to be responsive to a potential good partner. Hormones affect you A LOT. I can definitely see women not being attracted to their partners anymore after getting off or being on BC.

Ok-Fee-6353 · 2021-04-08T14:27:49+00:00

I took BC for ten years. It didn't seem to cause any major problems, and I'm very thankful I didn't get pregnant during that time.

However. A few years after I quit BC I started getting pain in my abdomen. It didn't line up with period symptoms. It got worse and worse until I demanded a scan and they found cysts all over my ovaries.

There's no way of knowing what caused it. But after reading up on hormones, what they are, why your body needs them, what they do etc, I was so angry that it's considered normal and perfectly healthy to chemically suppress your hormonal cycle for your whole life if you want. What could possibly go wrong?? All your mood chemicals are hormones and everything is linked. Sex, happiness, feelings of satisfaction at a job well done, attraction, reproduction, hunger, turning food into energy, everything. Every time your brain sends a message to some other part of your body, that signal is sent via hormones. And we're just going to suppress one whole major part of that and call it normal and healthy?? No problem could possibly come of it?? And of course I'm anti-feminist or anti-women's rights if I raise a question.

I get what hormonal birth control has done for women, I really do. But also fuck birth control.

splendieindependie · 2021-04-08T15:08:35+00:00

We were taught about this in high school! People have a HLA-type (human leukocyte antigen - it was discovered on leukocytes, but exists on most human cells), that's basically a blood group but for the immune system and also plays a role in determining organ transplant compatibility. Without hormonal birth control, women are attracted more to men with a different HLA-type - this is likely evolutionary, children with mixed-HLA parents having stronger immune systems (though some have suggested it's to reduce inbreeding). On hormonal birth control, women are attracted more to men with a similar HLA-type.

They tested this by making men sleep in the same shirt for a couple of days and then asking women to rate the shirt's scent. Wedekind, 1995. (Replicated in 2005 with similar results.)

You'll also see it referred to as MHC (major histocompatibility complex); MHC is what it's called in all species, HLA when in humans specifically.

Bbqchilifries · 2021-04-08T14:05:39+00:00

It's accurate. Bc stimulates your body to think it's pregnant. You want to be with people closer in genetics to you when pregnant for survival.

CoconutYogurtCEO · 2021-04-08T12:51:46+00:00

I heard this too!! about how your pheromones are different when you are on birth control vs off birth control... which at a high level makes sense, given pheromones are what triggers a response/sexual attraction or arousal in others and could likely be impacted by synthetic hormones....

PrincessBeefloof · 2021-04-08T12:54:53+00:00

I didn't know this until a couple of years ago. I remember someone mentioned it in passing in the office one day, and it was like a light went on over my head. To the point where one of the guys laughed at my expression and asked what I had just realised.

I was on the pill from age 19 - 24. When I was about 22 or 23 I started going out with a lad in my course. After I went off the pill our relationship changed. I just did not fancy him anymore, like at all.

We stayed together another few years until he got fed up of me never wanting to touch him. I

I never knew what had happened until I heard about the pill thing. I just thought there was something wrong with me.

crossiantfun · 2021-04-08T11:54:10+00:00

I just learned about this last year, and now I am on the copper & silver IUD! I was out to happy hour and a friend was sharing how her brother is getting a divorce. They wanted to try for a baby when suddenly she just didn’t want to have sex with him. The wife admitted she just didn’t find him attractive anymore. My other friend then asked if she was on the pills before the baby decision, yup!

We were dumbfounded. I thought this was also just anecdotal but upon researching online, there are several studies that share how the hormones affect our attraction. Normally we are attracted to men whose DNA is very different from our own (so, healthy babies), but the hormones change this.

I personally have not experienced a change in attraction. I still find the same men attractive on and off the pills. However it was enough for me to realize I do not want anything hormonal.

My country allows the copper and silver IUD, which has less side effects of the copper. I love it!!

Edit: I believe the FDA will approve the silver IUD soon for my American ladies 💕

cuntdumpling · 2021-04-08T12:49:30+00:00

I believe it. I switched from mirena to paragard iud shortly after I got married, it cleared my brain-fog but my attraction went downhill, it got worse when we're started trying for a baby. Marriage lasted less than 4 years.

LadyWizzard · 2021-04-08T12:47:37+00:00

I have been struggling with this for a while now. I am on birth control to manage my reproductive health issues and very much aware that with each new year of using I expose myself to more risk of side effects including literally dying of blood clots. Each time I tried to stop it would only take a couple of months before the symptoms came back and started to get worse and I would freak out and get back on the pill. The only other alternative is to take my uterus out and that's fucking extreme. It pisses me off so much that medicine has come so far that we can help males change sex but women's basic health issues are still just too complicated and mysterious to be dealt with in a safe way.

LyingMars · 2021-04-08T12:46:55+00:00

Ive had the exact opposite issue while on birth control, more like image the brain of a 70 year old picking your life partner at 20. Ive seriously had such a prominent decress in sex drive its crazy. Im pretty asexual anyways, so i don't mind in fact its preferable. But its still crazy that that urge never hits me anymore.

99natas · 2021-04-08T14:46:39+00:00

I could not take the pill, it made me bleed or nauseous or crazy and that covers the 3 different hormones the pills are based on.

Feral_Housewife_ · 2021-04-08T15:37:19+00:00

Absolutely. I was much more attracted to my ex husband when I was on birth control (which was still not particularly attracted, if I'm being honest). I went off ALL birth control in June of 2019. I had a sex drive again and was willing to settle for my husband but wasn't attracted to him. I was more able to see all his negative and abusive personality traits as well. I was UNCONTROLLABLY attracted to a close mutual friend though. Went back on birth control, but the damage was done. I had seen my husband for who he was, our marriage was irreparably damaged by August 2019, we were separated by Feb 2020. All kicked off by my going off birth control, then getting on a different kind that sent me on a suicidal spiral, before getting back on the one I had been on initially. This all took maybe a month, month and a half.

Ended up with the mutual friend. Still uncontrollably attracted to him, on and off birth control. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sewud · 2021-04-08T19:07:36+00:00

It's time we rebel against hormonal birth control. If nothing else, it shouldn't be normalized to medicate HEALTHY individuals. People worry about overmedicating the children, antidepressants, antibiotics, but giving hormones to women is fine.

bambina133 · 2021-04-08T14:23:17+00:00

Im currently taking the pill and need it because I bled on and off for almost a year before I started the pill and became very anemic. Ive been on for about a year now and it’s okay except it has ruined my sleep schedule I cannot stay asleep the whole night I wake up somehow every single night for the past year. When I was with my ex I realized my libido absolutely drop because he wasn’t any good for me anyways and was abusive.

Either way birth control sucks so bad! Im looking to get off mine I have become a huge crybaby to, literally anything happens I want to cry. Sick of it lol

queen_beastmode · 2021-04-08T15:08:05+00:00

It's true, there are studies that back it up. Hormonal birth control is supposed to change your hormone profile to the way your hormones are when you're in the beginning stages of pregnancy, and when women are pregnant, they will favor men who are genetically closer to them (family).

When women are not pregnant they favor men who are generically dissimilar which is supposed to reduce the chance of passing down genetically disadvantageous recessive traits to your offspring. See Cystic Fibrosis, Tay Sachs, Sickle Cell Anemia, all devastating examples of recessive disorders that get passed down when both healthy parents carry a recessive gene mutation.

pancakejourney · 2021-04-08T13:12:03+00:00

I met my ex when I wasn't taking any hormonal birth control but started to take it because he kept trying to tempt me into Sex without condom, "let me just stick it in I just want to feel it" and all that kind of bullshit.
I actually was less attracted to him on birth-control. His smell didn't attract me at all anymore but it turned me into a clingy, whiny little something that was afraid to lose him even tho I already started to realize the relationship was broken.
I think I behaved like a pregnant woman. I cried so much and "needed him close" which is totally out of character for me because I'm usually always fine to be alone and with little physical contact.

The positive side effects made me take it longer than I should have. The extremely clear skin and no period pain. Hard to tell if my libido was reduced because he was egoistic in bed and sucked at Sex or also because of the hormonal side-effect.

A few days after I took my last pill I started to feel like the "old me" again. When he behaved like an ass I just hung up the phone and did whatever. No more whining or apologizing for shit that wasn't my fault because I was scared to lose him.
I doubt I will ever take it again even tho I got harassed by my doctors "but what if you get pregnant??"

WittyImprovement · 2021-04-08T15:40:15+00:00

The comments in this thread and in other reddit threads I've read before make me never ever want to get on birth control.

randomgirlimok · 2021-04-08T12:44:35+00:00

It’s not that I don’t believe it, but you need to get her side of the story

fdssavedmylife · 2021-04-08T13:22:19+00:00

Anecdotally, I went on birth control for the first time last year and during those several months, I chose the lowest value men I’ve ever dated. It helped my cramps and PMS, but it changed my personality and totally warped my judgement. Since stopping, I’ve barely had an interest in dating or sleeping with men. I personally wouldn’t try it again. I’ll stick to Midol.

stella_chloe · 2021-04-08T15:12:57+00:00

Does this apply to low-hormone IUDs as well? I chose that route to avoid the side effects of oral hbc!

IAteTheDragon · 2021-04-08T16:28:35+00:00

When I'm off hormones my sex drive goes absolutely crazy. This means that not only do I want sex all the time, but I also find a whole lot of men totally attractive. It gets to the point that it's actually tiring cause I can barely focus. It's like a dense red fog obscuring my vision. I still don't 'like' men more or respect them more, but I find more of them physically satisfying in terms of appearance. When I'm on pill though, my horniness drops significantly and so does my attraction towards absolutely mediocre guys. I still love sex, don't get me wrong, but am waaay pickier in my tastes for a potential sex partner. Life is more peaceful for me this way. I am bound to contraceptives because of hormonal acne(I have higher natural levels of androgenes, the curse😭). I'm not too thrilled about that but at least I'm calm and balanced. So I am not surpised by your discovery. And I don't like it either 😐

_queeeen_ · 2021-04-08T19:31:33+00:00

It is a thing.

But I’ve also more commonly see women lose their attraction to their male partner after he violates her in a way that causes her to lose respect for him. Her libido in the relationship is the ultimate barometer of how things are going (taking out normal fluctuations, such as those around pregnancy).

libramo0n · 2021-04-09T01:53:23+00:00

For everyone in the comments telling horror stories about their hormonal birth control experience, different brands suit different people. I’ve taken BC that gave me chronic yeast infections, I’ve taken BC that made me gain weight, I’ve taken BC that made my skin break out and I’ve taken BC that made me feel psychotic. I’m currently on a BC that makes me feel amazing, energized, clears my skin and makes my boobs a little bigger lol.

Just saying not all hormonal BC is the same. What works for your friend may not work for you.

firestorm717 · 2021-04-08T14:53:27+00:00

Yes, HBC has pervasive negative side effects, one of which is altering your sexual attraction. Hormones are serious stuff that affect every part of your body and brain. It’s insane women are expected to drug themselves into compliance so some lazy dude can get 5 minutes of pleasure - fuck that shit. Read Sweetening the Pill for a complete breakdown of all the scientific studies on HBC. There’s a LOT the pharma industry doesn’t want us to know about.

ihaveafunnyname71 · 2021-04-08T15:58:29+00:00

I wonder if menopause has that same effect as going off hormonal contraceptives. Currently post menopausal, but divorced my cheating LVM ex probably as I was starting peri-menopause. Met my hubs now after that and 4 years into this relationship, sex life and attraction are still awesome even in menopause. I’ll admit I was a little nervous about that sexual energy disappearing when I went though that change, but turns out the right guy makes all the difference. LOL

med10crity · 2021-04-08T17:01:01+00:00

Yet another reason the burden of pregnancy prevention shouldn't fall on women only.......

2021-04-08T17:23:10+00:00

I read about the attraction-birth control connection a few years ago and I do think about it sometimes because I have a severe hormonal/endocrine condition that basically means I have to take birth control until I hit menopause in order to stabilize both my hormones and my mood. I don't actually mind taking it daily because I feel so much better on it although I do worry about having access to it consistently for the next 25 years. Of course, I was not attracted to very many men before I started taking it, and I'm not planning on stopping it or having children so I suppose in my case any change in attraction may not be relevant, although the fact that it can do that is disturbing.

amorphouschemical · 2021-04-08T18:26:40+00:00

I stay away from that hormonal birth control crap after my experiences with multiple kinds. It worsened my mood swings, breasts would hurt severely, I would get random headaches, nausea and overall I just felt like crap while taking them. Like, wth should I have to pump my body full of hormones that make my body feel messed up, and sex isn’t even that great anyway?

2021-04-09T11:09:30+00:00

Birth control is a POWERFUL drug that modifies your hormones significantly. I hate how society reduced it to some stupid candy with no consequences and i hate even more how society considers hormones useless especially for women. Our systems are already super delicate.

annedr3ww · 2021-04-08T15:42:21+00:00

IUD implantation can be a bit risky. Also I believe I read somewhere that here in the US, we don’t have quite a selection of IUD compared to Europe so more likely to get pain and scarring from the implantation. My best friend got one for PCOS condition and almost died because she and the doctor didn’t realize she had an infection from the implantation procedure.

This post information I’ve known before... and BC gives me major psychological effects as in - depression, can’t get a handle on my emotions - just a mess. When I was off it - cool as a cucumber. And this was back in the 90s when there was very little information what hormones could do to your mental health. I stopped on my own accord but I couldn’t handle the severe side effects.

Now I use the natural contraception apps and a handy thermometer. If you take your temperature and also monitor your period cycle for a couple months, you can essentially know when you are ovulating and fertile and avoid that week. Temperature helps even more because your body temp slightly increases when you release your egg.

I highly recommend at least knowing your cycles because it gives you power over your body and what might influence it. Usu a week before you ovulate, you become more confident ... maybe a bit more sexy. You def give off pheromones- also in my case, my hair suddenly is sexy and unruly and my skin as clear as a meadow. I have a feeling it’s for attraction ... the good thing - I read when you are super confident- it’s the best time to ask for raises or give a presentation and Vice versa. Utilizing your cycle for benefits.

As far as birth control, I would make sure man wears a condom if you choose this route. I did read that they do have a male contraceptive gel in research so that will be interesting how the shoe will fit on their foot -for once.

libramo0n · 2021-04-09T01:50:35+00:00

Yes this is very well known. You’re supposed to go off hormonal birth control for at least one cycle while dating someone seriously to make sure you still like the way they smell. (It apparently Really messes up the way you smell pheromones)

None of my relationships have ever gotten to that point though haha

_electrafire · 2021-06-11T00:04:28+00:00

I know this is old but just want to note - women when they’re OFF of birth control prefer partners who are more “masculine.” Unfortunately, I think that means you’re actually less likely to choose a narcissist on birth control, so you could end up with a HVM you lose attraction to once you’re off of it. Birth control helps us choose partners who are more cooperative and empathetic, traits associated with estrogen not testosterone, which is more associated with narcissism. I don’t want to believe that but I unfortunately think it’s true. Before getting married I’d def make sure to get off BC and use condoms for a little while to make sure you’re still attracted to the guy. If I fucked over a HVM like that I’d almost be more heartbroken and disappointed in myself than if I were screwed over by an LVM....almost lol

Title	PSA about hormones and hormonal birth control when dating and selecting
Author	Frogspocket
Upvotes	410
Comments	79
Date	April 8, 2021 11:47 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mmpzzt/psa_about_hormones_and_hormonal_birth_control/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/psa-about-hormones-and-hormonal-birth-control-when.764175 https://theredarchive.com/post/764175

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