[Q4All]Whats your thoughts on the common Advice of joining clubs/activities with people of the opposite sex?

iamthemovie1992 · 2021-03-17T13:00:35+00:00

It’s awful advice, never do a hobby with the intention to meet people for sex because you’ll most likely not succeed. You’ll find many times that you’re the only single person in a sea of couples, or there’s like one single woman who is crowded by attention from the other single men who had the same idea you did, and if you want the hookup you better be the most attractive there. And let’s face it, if you’re there to meet women to start with, like you said Kevin is just back to square one.

Anecdotal, so I’m sure someone’s gonna bitch about it, but cooking is actually one of my hobbies. I have gone to multiple cooking classes to learn some more skills and to help with things I’ve had issues with in the kitchen. And I kid you not, at like 90% of them I am the only person there without their bf/gf present. At other times it’s absolute sausage fests, because despite what most people think, in recent years cooking has become a male centric hobby. This is also the same experience in other hobbies I’ve done as well. If you like a hobby, just go there for the hobby. Being disappointed because you didn’t get pussy ruins the whole experience.

Atlas__B__Shruggin · 2021-03-17T13:29:10+00:00

Is the guy supposed to ask out the women in the class/club? Is there like a max limit of women he can ask out? Like if there’s ten girls he can’t ask out all ten right? If all the women turn him down does he move on to another class if The goal is to try to get pussy... None of the women are gonna give him any, so why is he still in the class? It should be also noted chances are he ain’t the only dude trying this strategy.

i think its more that BEING around women in a setting where you share an interest in common (automatically something to talk about) increases the chances you will make rapport and chemistry with one that leads to something, not that you should walk around shotgunning date requests at the class

Fuego213 · 2021-03-17T13:51:46+00:00

Joining a club and activities is awful advice to people who hear it and operate in them like the type of person described in OP.

You join a class to learn, not hope that pussy will magically fall in your lap as you awkwardly sit back and overthink every social aspect of the class.

The argument has never been that joining club will automatically get everyone laid. But having a social life is required in dating. Probably helps to start realizing that these methods and strategies to get laid are awful and don’t work.

sorathecrow_ · 2021-03-17T12:40:28+00:00

[deleted]

Kaisha001 · 2021-03-17T15:30:44+00:00

The irony is the same women suggesting this will also complain about being hit on while doing these very activities.

LittyKitsune · 2021-03-17T13:09:42+00:00

Depends on who the audience is.

That's probably advice I would give to say a freshman in college who for whatever reason didn't get to date or interact with women in high school much. You seem to be focusing more on the direct utility of it (dude joins group, dude dates woman he met in group) while women may be thinking more about laying a foundation. Think of it as exposure therapy: if you are afraid/anxious about something a possible solution is doing it more often to get comfortable. If a guy barely knows how to hold a conversation with a woman jumping straight to the dating aspect is putting the cart before the horse. He needs to be around them first.

That said, this advice would not be helpful for a guy who already knows a lot of women and can talk to them as friends but isn't attractive to them. He already has the foundation, his problem is elsewhere.

bowserfire73 · 2021-03-17T13:13:12+00:00

Its shitty advice, but it's not like there are many alternatives. Better than OLD at least.

superlurkage · 2021-03-17T14:27:13+00:00

They should amend it to “join activities, if at all possible with other people you already know, to be more social overall, that you have an actual interest in”

So many lonely guys seriously have no friends.

ClaireBear1123 · 2021-03-17T22:24:42+00:00

The best activity OP could pick up if he wants to get laid is selling cocaine.

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-03-17T12:47:15+00:00

Not great. One of the biggest pieces I've ever read was to go to Meetups and try a bunch of things. Nobody mentioned that Meetups had started to explicitly say they are limiting the amount of men that can attend. If it wasn't specifically about dating, anyway. Those events were very few and far between and they were complete sausage fests. Only afterwards did I find out that site is mainly used for setting up mommy playdates lol

Gravel_Roads · 2021-03-17T13:45:12+00:00

I think you're missing two important component. The advice is:

Join groups where people have similar interests to you.

And:

Common interest groups are great for finding LTR's, not casual sex.

Is the guy supposed to ask out the women in the class/club? Is there like a max limit of women he can ask out? Like if there’s ten girls he can’t ask out all ten right? If all the women turn him down does he move on to another class if The goal is to try to get pussy... None of the women are gonna give him any, so why is he still in the class?

You are worrying about Step #52 before you accomplish Step #1. The point is that you can go to a place where you enjoy yourself among other people enjoying themselves. Sharing and talking about common interests and mutually enjoying yourselves is how people build rapport.

You don't just go and on Day 1, start asking every woman in the room out. That would ruin your reputation and credibility - they can see you going down the ranks looking for anyone to date you, and many times they will all talk and share stories, so your desperate behavior would more quickly be noticed in a group.

What you do is you go, you get to know the people there, you have conversations, get experience being in mixed gender company, figure out which of the women you get along with and just naturally the ones who are most compatible with you will also continue talking to you. After a while, if you both click and like one another, you can ask her out.

The great side of this advice is that, even if you don't find anyone in that gather that you click with, you were presumably also enjoying yourself and making friends and participating in something you're also interested in. There is no losing, only a varying shade of Win.

The best thing is, it counts as "doing something with your life", so next time when someone asks "What do you do with your free time?" as they get to know you, you can say more than "Playing video games and watching hentai."

xFallacyx69 · 2021-03-17T14:28:05+00:00

Thirsty dudes do a lot of stuff for female attention. Just do what you like and stop worrying about whether or not women will notice. Treat all women like friends until they say AND act like they want more. Then you can MUTUALLY ramp up your attention towards each other. Anything else is outdated courting BS

2021-03-17T19:04:45+00:00

Personally I think it is good advice. However:

a) You shouldn't join just to meet women. You should do something you are interested in.

b) Asking women out. I wouldn't say ask them out at the event. However, after the event is finished, if you are getting along with some women, ask them if they want to go for a coffee or a drink. But don't frame it as a date. Hell, ask a bunch of them. They normally go to these events in packs anyway.

c) Just turning up is not enough. You still need to be well groomed, socially savvy and not creepy as fuck. I have seen it happen, dudes turn up and just stare at some bird. Its fucking creepy to watch.

d) Like anything else, do not have outcome reliance.

e) Hey you may improve your social skills.

f) If you do get "friendzoned" (oh no.....) hey at least you will have pre-selection and female friend(s) to introduce you to other female freind(s).

g) You will learn a new skill if nothing else.

ResTeras · 2021-03-17T20:17:53+00:00

lol, cookies or dancing.

For example, in my youth i was involved with heavy metal, rock movement.

It was superrare to see chicks dating "dull, inferior, mainstream" jocks.

Females in subcultures do not like outsiders.

And if you a real mf, join some small hardcore religious cult.

If she has to choose between you, and "infidels", your options increase.

Christianity is to mainstream.

IcarusKiki · 2021-03-18T00:12:32+00:00

Lmao I think going out with the intention of finding a gf/sex is a bad idea for anyone unless they’re going clubbing or to singles events. Enjoy yourself and build yourself up and if a woman strikes your interest then go for her. Men who revolve their life around finding a woman are shooting themselves in the foot further since people can sense desperation.

DLifts777 · 2021-03-17T17:14:07+00:00

The guys that claim ‘it’s shitty advice’ are the same guys who expect to just be able to smash straight away despite the fact they’re probably ugly and/or have poor social skills.

Most guys that struggle with women are guys that aren’t very social. Before they think of getting a woman, they need to start with just making friends and being a sociable person. No woman wants a basement dweller, even if he’s above average looks wise.

EusticeSymington · 2021-03-17T13:39:41+00:00

Even if it worked I would ignore it. Most of my hobbies are male centred with woman trying to push themselves into these spaces. I see enough of them outside of my hobby time. I don't need them pushing their woke Twitter politics into my 'me time'.

I wanted to learn tango dancing but there were too many woke middle-class women there. I hated them.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-03-17T12:56:37+00:00

My old roommate and his best friend joined a hot yoga class specifically to meet girls. Neither of them were unattractive, just single guys in their mid-late twenties who worked in tech, didn't meet a lot of women organically and were tired of dating apps. After a few weeks of classes they kind of made friends with a group of girls and started going out to brunch with them after class, going hiking with them, etc. Eventually they became an integrated group of friends and my roommate and his buddy started hooking up and dating girls they met through those girls.

So no it wasn't some immediate thing, which is why I think guys should probably join something they already had some interest in or enjoy on some level in the first place. If you're not remotely interested in cooking or dancing, don't join a cooking or dancing class. Find something you enjoy doing that will also put you in the proximity of women.

I don't think this advice is meant to be some magic bullet like you attend a class once or twice and get pussy. It's intended for guys who don't meet a lot of women in their day to day life, to help them meet more women, and from there more opportunities may arise.

I think instead of actually hitting on girls during the activity, it's better to use the activity as an ice breaker, build a rapport with people and then start hanging out outside of the shared activity/club in more casual/social territory where it's less frowned upon to make a move. It's kind of like meeting at work; I know several couples who met at work, but it wasn't like the guy hit on her in the office, rather they went to a happy hour or company party or something and he put the moves on her then. Ideally the club/activity works as a segue to more social hangouts.

Even if you don't fuck a girl from class, you might do what my friends did and meet girls who introduce you to other girls. It's just a means of expanding your social circle and by extension expanding your opportunities. Obviously you will still have to be attractive and run game no matter what.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-03-17T23:15:57+00:00

u/MajesticMaple put it best:

Better approach to it is to just go and have fun and maybe make some friends. The wider your social network the easier it is to meet new people which will obviously make it easier to find a partner.

The point isn't to do hobbies to get laid.

The point is to widen the number of people you hang out with

utterdisregard · 2021-03-18T01:39:23+00:00

Cooking class is probably not the solution. Likely a large mix of couples and men.

However, wine and paint night? You're going to see more women there. Also, don't hesitate to go to art shows, music events, farmer's markets that have community events taking place, etc. Pick things that you're actually interested in, so you're not just bored to tears, unable to bond over what you're doing.

If you join a class that's primarily women and just start asking women out one after another, you're going to get shot down A LOT. No one likes feeling like a second pick, and you'll look desperate. If you go and make conversation and try to get to know people/make connections, you can see if you can get some phone numbers to meet up after the class is concluded. It would be easier in a class that meets more than once.

THe1NES · 2021-03-18T06:58:05+00:00

I didn’t read the whole post but these sorts of blanket statements like “just put yourself out there” or “be active” are as worthless as they are vague. People say them because after the fact they can attribute their successes to “putting themselves out there” or “being active” etc., but that’s not actually why they got what they wanted, which I guess in this case is to meet girls. So- you can somehow be an active member in every club and nobody will want to fuck with you, and you can be somebody who hardly shows up even for classes and everyone wants to fuck you (I’m just speaking from a college setting but you get the point)- it’s not about “being active”. The truth is is that if you want people to want to get to know you and spend time with you you have to prepared to manipulate- manipulate yourself, or manipulate other people. If you don’t look that ‘attractive’ and aren’t really interested in the music, clothes, or anything else the people who you want to get to know are, you’re basically an island. You have to manipulate yourself by trying to look attractive and adopting the culture (at least a little bit) of the people you want to know. You can also manipulate the people you want to get to know by making yourself seem more interesting than you are. Sorry, but if you want to get to know people, you might have to dilute your individuality at least a bit. Success in meeting people is hard but those who succeed never succeed merely because they “put themselves out there”. That’s like saying that a best-selling author writes books by just “putting pen to paper”- nonsense, there was probably a bit of drugs, a bit of struggle, and a lot of frustration with themselves, and maybe a few writers retreats. These dirty tricks are always left out of the advice but they are really how people succeed in whatever it is they do

Fit_Toe_329 · 2021-03-17T15:50:05+00:00

I've never known a man with lots of female friends who struggles to get laid. With the exception of very awkward (usually young) men.

You might not fuck your female friends, but they introduce you to other women and mixed gendered gatherings and you meet women there.

Also non conservative women are more likely to have casual sex in the first place, and don't need to be wines and dined.

AlfredTheGreatest · 2021-03-17T14:32:48+00:00

This is good advice, but it's not a quick fix and you have to implement it properly. A better way to phrase it would be "become involved in a sport or activity with high levels of female participation."

I do a lot of skiing in the winter and rock climbing, biking and hiking in the summer. I have met tons to girls doing these activities. It provides you so many great chances to "warm open" girls because you already have something in common.

Skiing is the best way I've ever found to meet girls. Ski lifts, the bar after, it's a great scene. Covid has screwed this up a bit, but we'll get back there.

The catch: You have to actually like the hobby and invest the time to get good at it. So, like everything that pays off with the opposite sex, it requires work.

misiepatysie · 2021-03-17T13:01:46+00:00

You are ignoring the true purpose of that advice. You think it is given , so a men can hit on the women in the club, or for them to drag you to meetings with their friends. But the true purposes are:.

To give you a hobby that will seem interesting to the opposite sex. Many people are just dull or tend to have gender specific interests.
To give the men an opprtunity to be around women and get to know them -to see how they function, think, to see they are humans as diverse as it could be.
To give the men the opportunity to be relaxed and more laid back in the presence of the opposite sex.

Once these 3 are achieved it will be easier for the men in other situations where women are involved.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2021-03-17T15:23:55+00:00

Women tend not to 'hook up' with men when it is a hobby related activity, for obvious slut shaming potential, picking up women in hobby type activities is good for LTR. And for all the people saying 'women don't want to get hit on', then you need to work on your game, if its that obvious you're like a salivating dog with a boner, be smoother. Same way its possible to get a woman's number in a gym, not that I personally do it there, if she thinks she's being 'hit on' you failed.

Just chose an activity you actually enjoy, my friend is getting married to a girl who he met on a walking group, picking up women is secondary.

SaBahRub · 2021-03-17T21:21:35+00:00

You don’t join those groups to get first-degree pussy. You join them to get second, third and fourth degree pussy. And friends; for gods sake, get some friends!

XtoDoubt · 2021-03-17T13:13:23+00:00

One of the best pieces of advice puas have is "Don't hide your dick." This is just another way to do that. When you approach women, it needs to be from a sexual frame. You're not trying to be her friend. You don't SAY that, like an idiot, but it needs to be clear.

Snacksbreak · 2021-03-17T13:20:54+00:00

If you're just looking to smash as many women as possible, this is probably bad advice.

The point of joining a club or hiking group or whatever is that you meet new people in a low stress setting doing something you presumably enjoy.

As a result, you make friends (unless you are socially deficient, but even then maybe you improve your social skills) and possibly that leads to something more OR maybe they bring you into their friend group. The latter means more people you might connect with in a natural way, which again can lead to a sexual realtionship.

Crossfit people often develop relationships with each other (not always, nothing is a guarantee in life) and I've seen a lot of romances bloom at rock gyms. I think it's being in skimpy clothes and getting all flushed and for men their pump is on... things happen.

Copperstoner · 2021-03-17T16:49:59+00:00

Pretext:

What people actually mean with it is that this particular man needs to learn how he can interact with women in a casual way. He needs to learn that video games, masturbating and drinking are not things you can or should talk about with a women. So joining something only “for pussy” is doomed to fail.

Actual text:

1) Yes he is, but he also needs to stop if she doesn’t like it. If you want “pussy” you need to broaden your social circles and hobby groups are a good way to do it. Especially with (swing) dancing you have the possibility to dance with 5-30 women a evening, your group will have events which others can also join and you can ask many more.

Also: If you do it solely to get women you won’t have much success.

2) You can easily connect 1) and 2) if you aren’t a creep and she doesn’t need to hook you up, it’s enough if she invites you semi regular to parties —> More opportunities

3) In the best case you chose something you like and you don’t just go “for the pussy” and you can always switch hobbies. “No Brenda, I want to also try other things. So I’ll join a music group.”

4) And that brings me right back to the point I made above: You don’t only go for “pussy”, you go “to meet new people and to have fun ;)”. Learn to sell yourself properly.

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nemporisso · 2021-03-17T13:15:57+00:00

My main hobbies are like this. I find you get a lot of uncles and big brother types, and not much else. Similarly I've never introduced a friend to another friend with the intention of them pairing off, though many have gotten along platonically.

801735 · 2021-03-17T13:44:54+00:00

Whats your thoughts on the common Advice of joining clubs/activities with people of the opposite sex?

Imo a good idea.

Like if there’s ten girls he can’t ask out all ten right?

Why not?

If all the women turn him down does he move on to another class

Why? Nah. He asked them out, they didn't want to, ah, well, fine.

how long is he supposed to wait to be “hooked up”?

Long enough?

Aren’t women smart enough to know the guys who are only joining the club/class tryna to get pussy and actively avoid them?

What if they're wrong in their presumptions? Do they "have to" leave for residing in lala land?

So Kevin again, is back to square one...Masturbating on Saturday nights.

LOL, just Saturday, huh.

psypD · 2021-03-17T16:34:14+00:00

It's the second most retarded advice after "Just be yourself" but with a higher chance of being labeled a creep and getting kicked out the group.

IOportA · 2021-03-17T18:02:15+00:00

Screw that. Go to raves.

If you don't score, you'll still have a great time and meet a lot of cool people and make some friends, which will lead to meeting women.

But dont be that guy who goes to the rave to hit on women and expect to get laid. Let them come to you.

abaxeron · 2021-03-17T19:25:44+00:00

Hobby group/class with women, such as dancing, is mostly to gain confidence and overcome fear. If your problem with dating does not boil down to lack of confidence or fear, it will do nothing.

Henry_Blair · 2021-03-17T20:06:08+00:00

Well, most people do that. Both sexes are doing it to find love. It's about the most normal thing homo sapiens are doing.

PickleLine · 2021-03-17T21:05:30+00:00

Bad advice

It takes time to get a social circle and to develop a good reputation from clubs/activities. You risk throwing all that work away when hitting on girls
It's not even possible for many men because a lot of men have mostly male hobbies. They have to fake interest in a hobby
Women are annoyed that you're hitting on them

Christian_Kong · 2021-03-17T21:51:57+00:00

It doesn't really help unless that relationship continues outside of the group. If you see someone you are interested in a group it is typically a bad idea to make a move on them. If you see them out at a bar you can chat them up and pivot the relationship outside of the hobby. Women don't go to these things as a way to meet men, they do it to do the activity and they have 1000 other ways to meet men for romantic connections.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-03-17T22:58:58+00:00

Sounds exhausted. Yoga, dancing, cooking, baking, other useless shit. Rather spend time learning skills that produce monetary value.

old_wise_man_ · 2021-03-18T01:41:03+00:00

My hobbies are all male oriented like sports , football, basketball etc and videogames. And for sure I am not going to fake interest in other hobbies just to get women.

ThrowawayCOVID999 · 2021-03-18T19:33:03+00:00

It’s crap, same as any other common “advice”

Superfluous_Toast · 2021-03-20T07:44:13+00:00

I don't normally agree with Atlas, but she is correct. You go out and do something you enjoy, not with the intent of seducing the women you meet, but with the mindset of meeting new people and making connections. People ask all the time how you meet people outside of school, this is it.

wtknight · 2021-03-17T12:59:33+00:00

Is the guy supposed to ask out the women in the class/club?

He's supposed to spend time engaging in the activity at the class/club and see which woman/women are giving him IOIs. Asking out women who show no interest in him at the class/club is going to get him exactly the same results as cold approaching women.

“No If you befriend them they can introduce you to other women in their social networks and recommend you”. How often does that happen IRL generally?

If a guy is close enough friends to a woman for a while then she might. Most guys who are into a woman can't tolerate being friendzoned for that long, though, which is probably why this sort of thing rarely happens.

I can easily see a scenario where Kevin is in this class for a year and is no closer to getting laid than where he was before.

If he's in a class/club with plenty of women yet no women are showing interest in him then he's lower value than them and he needs to do more to improve himself. Associating with women improves a guy's chances, but it's not some magic formula for meeting someone.

Basically a lot of women will say if a guy has to join women dominated clubs/classes/events just to get girls he probably is undesirable anyway and wouldn’t want anything to do with them.

Yeah, he needs to improve himself if no women show interest. The join a club/class idea is for average guys who do have something to offer women but who have trouble with cold approaching, which describes many guys. Lower value guys aren't going to have as much success until they try to improve themselves first, although even a lower value guy could get interest from a lower value woman if he sticks around long enough and one of them decides to take a chance on him. Lower value women do get sick of being pumped and dumped eventually.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-03-17T22:29:41+00:00

Unless it's a sex club you're joining in the hopes of getting sex, don't join.

Do hobbies you enjoy regardless of who shows up. But, realize that being your own person and doing what you want is not always a good way to meet people. If you're always bowling, or shooting or drinking or fishing with a bunch of guys, these hobbies won't help you with the ladies. And few ladies seem to like fishing stories or care much about bowling.

The good news is that you don't need ACTUAL hobbies to impress women anyways. You just need (a) interesting things to talk about and (b) have the requisite DHVs (displays of high value).

I've known guys who joined softball teams to find out two of the women are a couple, two are married, one hates men, two are banging guys on the team... So... what then? Do you wait for the end-of-the-year BBQ and scope out their family members? Guys this is a waste of time.

At the end of the day, this "be interesting! Get a hobby! Learn to cook" is just bullshit nonsensical blue-pill babbling that has no basis in reality. Women seem to like regurgitating what they've "learned" in their liberal arts programs, or talk about where they've travelled to or where they are travelling to next. If you can't insert yourself into these (mind numbing) conversations, you're going to have a much harder time.

This is why some guys pose as SJWs, progressives, feminists or other vile beasts just to get access to pussy. Some feminists have reported that some of the most offensive, pervy and even abusive men were progressive/Liberal men, even ones calling themselves feminists. Hmmmm....

Title	[Q4All]Whats your thoughts on the common Advice of joining clubs/activities with people of the opposite sex?
Author	MasterTeacher123
Upvotes	24
Comments	179
Date	March 17, 2021 12:28 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/m6za76/q4allwhats_your_thoughts_on_the_common_advice_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4allwhats-your-thoughts-on-the-common-advice-of.767072 https://theredarchive.com/post/767072

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