Man of deadbedroom is amazed that it takes effort to have a great marriage

Peggy- · 2021-08-05T12:08:05+00:00

We're learning how to GIVE.

Lol, pretty sure all she ever did was giving. It's him who finally learns how not to be a useless taker.

These men really think that once they're married it's their wife's duty to put out. Gross af.

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-08-05T11:38:28+00:00

What’s up with men and their self-fulfilling prophecies that marriage = boring and sexless ?!

He doesn’t understand that maintaining any type of passionate, romantic relationship requires effort. What a scrote

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-08-05T11:30:52+00:00

Are they just telling on themselves now?

So, wife: servant.

Girlfriend: Do sweet romantic things in exchange for sex

This idiot described all the things men should already be doing for their wives yet calls it girlfriend actions. 🙄

catlady4u · 2021-08-05T11:36:40+00:00

If their 'few bucks' had really been 'handled gracefully and respectfully', their newfound passion wouldn't already be cooling off.

MsWriteNow07 · 2021-08-05T12:09:48+00:00

Omg, it’s almost like if you treat your wife well, acknowledge her feelings, and LISTEN to her, you’ll have a great, passionate marriage. Alert the press. I can’t wait to go over there and see all the comments of the men accusing him of simping for sex. I swear the only solution men in that thread ever want to hear is “divorce or open relationship”. While every man there claims it’s all his wife’s fault that his bed is dead, they know the truth. They know if they treated their wife well and did the work, their marriage would be great, the issue is they feel entitled to sex without any labor.

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-08-05T12:28:26+00:00

JFC men need to be told this like it's some big secret? Actually, yes, they do. My husband leaves me love notes every morning near my coffee cup. Sometimes on my computer if he knows I have a rough day ahead of me. I remember telling a friend this once and she made fun of us for still being so "childish." Later, of course, found out her husband doesn't do anything for her at all. She has to initiate, beg, and tell him to do everything. Her insults made so much sense, then.

MsWriteNow07 · 2021-08-05T12:22:21+00:00

Pause! Not to rain on a good post, I found the original and look at what this OP says in the comments: “…When my wife began to consistently feel loved, wanted and understood, it was like a switch turned on inside her. We went from a dead bedroom to sex 2 to 3 times a week (not counting oral and other activities). We went from cold and distant to holding hands, cuddling, have an intimate conversations, and enjoying each other’s company. She was as vanilla as they come, but now she’s become open minded about B.D.S.M, watching porn together, public sex, etc.…

To me, it looks like this was all a ruse to get her to fulfill his sexual “needs”. Does he truly love her and pay attention to her needs? I don’t know. But I’m betting their newfound passion is already cooling off because he was trading the appearance of affection for her doing what he wanted with B.D.S.M. Either he’s really hurting her or he was lying about exactly what he wanted and now she’s repulsed. But this is no success story. I swear there’s always another shoe over at DB. These men deserve their deadbedrooms.

blackmetalbetty · 2021-08-05T13:00:40+00:00

Damn, he went on this whole soul searching analytical journey for some sex. It's such a powerful motivator for them. 😆

rawwwrrrgghh · 2021-08-05T12:09:29+00:00

It makes me sick to read that, like really really sick.

I mean…that’s nothing great. None of it. Kissing her goodnight? Asking how her day was? Treating her like a …. Human being????

What is wrong with people like this? How can it be that they treat their wives like humans only in exchange for sex?

That’s disgusting on so many levels

QueenAlice3 · 2021-08-05T12:55:50+00:00

Dead bedrooms aka- I do nothing to deserve this but expect it anyways.

cantstuntbikerbitch · 2021-08-05T13:45:45+00:00

Why don't they see wives as more valuable than girlfriends? God I hate this world 😣

thicctoria · 2021-08-05T14:04:39+00:00

Oh my gooooodddd. This is the most self-indulgent write-up ever.

Congratulations, you figured out that a marriage requires effort. Someone get this man a shiny star, please!

chainsawbobcat · 2021-08-05T13:57:56+00:00

Ugh this post is both hopefully and terribly, terribly depressing. It's the truth, that men come from a place of receipt entitlement, expecting the other person to give give give exactly how they want and understand why they want it without ever being Introspective and trying to understand the other person perspective. 'i give her everything!!' no, you don't. You expect her to give you play by play directions on how to keep her happy and then get mad about it constantly. Good on that guy for figuring this out but that last piece, "will this last?" Idk dude WILL IT!?! bc in our experience, no it will not.

When they have a girlfriend they want a wife and vice versa, when will women allowed to be more than just one fucking male fantasy archetype.

natalie2k8 · 2021-08-05T14:06:21+00:00

Why are men like this? Why do they stop treating you the same and then act shocked that you no longer treat them the same either. And it's your fault for changing.

deadinsidelol69 · 2021-08-05T14:13:30+00:00

Notice how he has to put the mask back on in order to get his precious sex.

NotYourCirce · 2021-08-05T14:31:03+00:00

This grosses me out- he started to treat her well just to get what he wanted from her, not because he enjoys treating her well. It was a last ditch effort. I hope she realizes that and leaves him

Daphnetiq · 2021-08-05T11:45:00+00:00

I like that at least he realized that it was him who was the problem. I do hope it inspires some of the other men who complain in that sub, and instead of whining, they get proactive in caring about their wives/girlfriends, and improve their relationships. Having a higher standard and concept of your partner does give plenty of benefits to both.I hope he keeps it up!

Edit: After reading more posts about his update… gosh, she is probably quite disappointed.

Sallou9 · 2021-08-05T11:59:52+00:00

Literally....everything.... he listed after the highlighted bit is how I was always naturally with all my past partners. The fact that he wasnt doing this anyway... and only did it as a girlfriend RP... wtf. AND he only did it cause he wanted sex.

Im so sorry girls. I just feel so sorry for heterosexual women. Things that are a given in lesbian relationships, aren't in heterosexual ones. It makes me sad.

Muffcakelord · 2021-08-05T13:59:36+00:00

What exactly is a married couples' date then? What the fuck do he think married couples should do? I'm so confused

msinclaire · 2021-08-05T15:17:52+00:00

He kept herding her into therapy expecting her to change. And his very LAST option before throwing in the towel was to change himself.

Interesting how if he wants a girlfriend, he has to start acting like a boyfriend. No shit, Sherlock.

swatir24 · 2021-08-05T14:37:26+00:00

He struggled with the western concept of monogamy because having a wife who did everything for him except have sex at his beck and call was not enough for him.

He needed a girlfriend too, so now she has to be BOTH a wife and a girlfriend. Sounds exhausting.

NotYourCirce · 2021-08-05T14:31:23+00:00

This grosses me out- he started to treat her well just to get what he wanted from her, not because he enjoys treating her well. It was a last ditch effort. I hope she realizes that and leaves him

shedipity · 2021-08-05T11:46:01+00:00

so basically he said girlfriends are just there to give you sex 😐 i hope his wife finds this post

radsera99 · 2021-08-05T13:54:09+00:00

Men cause every single dead bedroom. Men are the cause of women’s low libido. Men and their awful behaviour. Women want sex. Men strip away our desire for it.

NotYourCirce · 2021-08-05T14:31:46+00:00

This grosses me out- he started to treat her well just to get what he wanted from her, not because he enjoys treating her well. It was a last ditch effort. I hope she realizes that and leaves him

just-peepin-at-u · 2021-08-05T16:14:37+00:00

I have no idea about that sub overall, because everyone’s situation is going to vary. I have had other ladies tell me their husbands complain about their sex life and the lack of sex, but those same ladies also tell me their husbands don’t put any real effort into helping them enjoy sex.

I mean, I wouldn’t want to be used as a glorified sex toy either, so I can understand why they are reluctant to be his masturbation aid while they get nothing. I think that, after awhile of that, most of us would start getting angry too. Like what? You get to enjoy this but not me? Naw.

emmgdac · 2021-08-05T14:12:02+00:00

🤡

mscristalconnors · 2021-08-05T15:49:37+00:00

Funny. How I wonder if he has an adultery throw away.

Alpha_Aries · 2021-08-05T15:49:28+00:00

A lot of the times, people like this are pushy, entitled, and disrespectful of personal boundaries outside of the bedroom as well.

I dated another woman for a few months. She seriously expected to begin physical intimacy on the first date. I was constantly pumping the brakes. Eventually it got to where I doubted my own sex drive. I thought I might be ace.

We ended things because she would call me while I was working, in the middle of the day, and demand I answer the phone and talk things out with her about whatever disagreement we had. I told her no, no, no, I’m working, no, later, no! Over and over again. Finally she ended it, saying I was disrespectful.

I’m not ace. Last relationship I was in, we had sex once a week. We just knew not to initiate things outside of the bedroom, he didn’t watch porn, and he didn’t make crude comments towards me.

Watch out for entitlement!

agonyandhope · 2021-08-05T16:13:36+00:00

His change were such simple acts, I wonder what methods he used in the decade he says they were strugling...

MeanWhatISay · 2021-08-05T11:53:35+00:00

I actually really respect this. Yeah we can argue that his cluelessness is off-putting. But I like that he was determined to get his marriage back - and he pushed until he succeeded, in an organic way, that benefits his wife. Somewhere in that head of his a flashlight has lit up. I wouldn’t call him an HVM just yet, but definitely on the right path to change.

Title	Man of deadbedroom is amazed that it takes effort to have a great marriage
Author	fak_beauty_standards
Upvotes	844
Comments	98
Date	August 5, 2021 11:16 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oyfev3/man_of_deadbedroom_is_amazed_that_it_takes_effort/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/man-of-deadbedroom-is-amazed-that-it-takes-effort.816212 https://theredarchive.com/post/816212

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