Post Divorce ED and dating

CommandCommercial329 · 2024-03-17T16:53:33+00:00

Yea bro I was pushing rope with my ex and a hook up, probably the most embarrassing thing a man can experience! I don't even bother dating anymore. Must be nice being a woman and not having to "perform"

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-03-12T00:32:45+00:00

yeah i'm not 20 years old anymore so anywhere/anytime ain't in the cards. I have to feel secure around a person now....can't do one night stands

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-03-11T19:02:05+00:00

It's likely psychological man, I'm roughly the same age and in great shape and had some issues early on. One woman found a different way to work through it. It was only after I had a somewhat steady gf that I got over the anxiety and things went back to normal.

As for ladies, good question. The single 30-35's all want to settle down quick and pop out a kid where as the older ones with kids don't but they have all sorts of issues from their divorces. It's made me reflect on this whole scene and actually not want to even bother trying to find someone, it's almost not worth the amount of energy I have to expend. This is just my experience though, take it with a grain of salt.

Academic_Mistake_751 · 2024-03-11T03:21:26+00:00

It’s all mental in your head. get you some levitra to get you over the hump. My doc told me this it worked

Winter_Cattle_2133 · 2024-03-09T19:55:37+00:00

In regards to your last part...unless a single mom is an anesthesiologist or some shit, any guy is better than being single. Women can and do use guys for a decade (or more) if they need to. I'd rather stay single than take that risk with single moms personally.

There was a dude on here that remarried. She had two kids. Youngest was 7...11 years later he gets hit with divorce papers a few weeks after the youngest graduates.

OneOk2078 · 2024-03-10T06:07:53+00:00

Don’t bother dating until you see a Dr and figure it out . That way you’re not wasting anyone’s time and you will get a chance to figure out your own issues . It’s time men start figuring themselves out and not making it some unsuspecting women’s issue especially if their divorced and raising children you’re just adding to their problems .

TNwhiskey901 · 2024-03-10T05:49:10+00:00

What if your anxiety comes from fear that the only reason this woman is laying down with you is to get something from you! A couple years where I was paranoid that I was being trapped or that there were alternative reasons they wanted to have sex. Pretty F’d up. Also can’t wear condoms as that’s an instant boner loss as soon as I put it on haha. So what to do. Many embarrassing moments in dating around this area. Rock hard through foreplay but as soon as it’s time for sex the anxiety kicks in that I’m about to make a terrible life altering decision 🤣. So things are going great!!

Looking back on my 10 year marriage, I miss how naive and innocent my mind was. I didn’t have any of these issues. Had care free sex for a decade without any anxiety. Would love to get back there. As soon as my ex cheated I lost that level of freedom around a woman for a long time. There’s been only a couple women that I’ve dated that I felt care free and I could trust them. That’s just a gut thing I believe.

Maybe get the vasectomy would help in freeing the mind!

DadVader77 · 2024-03-10T05:47:00+00:00

Psychology plays a huge part in it(no pun intended) but if you already know you have low T, get checked for high blood sugars or A1C levels. Diabetes and even pre-diabeties can lead to soft willy's as well

Smooth-Sheepherder86 · 2024-03-09T19:47:40+00:00

Talk with your PCP and possibly a Urologist. It may be both psychological and physical. I have struggled with both:

Physical: i) during my LTR i never got used to condoms, using them now even the thin ones still mess up with my performance, ii) being in shape and working out is definitely key, my libido is way higher when I feel lighter and after working out. Testing the testosterone is also important. Ultimately if nothing works I’d definitely ask my doctor about hims/blue chew (viagra/cialis) if that helps.
Psychology: not sure if you were in a rather long LTR before divorce, but that in itself is messes up with my head while having intercourse with another women. Even when I am most focused it messes up after for sure, ao second round is not always guaranteed or ED comes into play.

Non-answer to your follow up Q: I posted earlier on the same topic here. Most of us / men feel exactly the same. We want the “fresh wife”, “pure women” feel again, but after 40 I think this might be a bit delusional … the single moms are “ easy” to get along with as they are experiencing and exactly the same pain points and have similar life experience but to your point they bring a lot of baggage….it’s tough but either one rides solo or accepts the effing reality …

beezo123 · 2024-03-10T04:24:11+00:00

I am 41 male and I had similar struggles. It's psychological dude Don't sweat it. But at the same time you can't just make it go away. Highly suggest Cialis type pills on hand, just as a backup really. I have since regained full confidence. I find I just need to get comfortable with the person. At least you have the opportunity bro. Your life is going to be great

Gunslinger1925 · 2024-03-10T04:09:05+00:00

I'm 47. It's definitely anxiety. I was upfront and honest with the woman I'm seeing at the start. We started off slow and didn't engage in sex for a month. Thankfully, she's understanding and I'm highly skilled in other areas to help pleasure her.

So take it slow and understand it happens to the best of us.

lostpassword100000 · 2024-03-10T01:37:21+00:00

It happens to the best of us. It’s like a golf shot, once it’s in your head you get the shanks.

My guess, you’re dealing with a shit ton of anxiety from your divorce and it’s in your head. It happened to me as well.

My suggestion. Talk to the girl your with and tell her what’s going on. Go slow and do other things. Get some toys to help. Don’t depend on penetration to be considered sex. Focus on her needs and her body. I think you will find yourself coming around.

ALSO, don’t rush to penetration if your soldier suddenly comes to attention. Keep playing with her in different ways.

Njsybarite · 2024-03-09T22:41:43+00:00

Are you on any meds?

MeisterMGTOW · 2024-03-09T22:26:21+00:00

Jesus fucking Christ this shit sounds depressing.

I am so happy I am me right now.

Decided never to get married 20 years ago. Every young guy out there: Never ever marry, procreate or get involved in relationships with women.

Thank me 20 years from now ...

dirtycochise · 2024-03-09T22:06:09+00:00

I’m 40 and it Started happening to me at like 26 or so even before I was married. Had it at the beginning of my marriage and it went away after a while.

Post marriage it was real bad and I got a hims subscription and got some off brand viagra from them and that helped a lot but I stopped it and ran out a few months ago and it started again with the woman I was seeing. Flash forward a couple of me and that lady ended things and now I’m with a new girl and I dunno it hasn’t been an issue yet. There’s a lot of comfort with her and no pressure to perform and things are great. Get you some viagra or other thing for a bit build your confidence up and try and comfortable. If it keeps happening see a doc

WhatsTheFrequency2 · 2024-03-09T21:27:30+00:00

100% anxiety. Get a few cialis to give yourself confidence and then you’ll be back in the saddle.

CRobinsFly · 2024-03-09T20:52:12+00:00

I think most of what is affecting us is just psychological. At 35 I still struggle to emotionally accept that none of these women are actually interested in me but rather what they can fleece from me(resources, a child, etc). They're just leveraging their p-sleeve as a loss-leader. My circuit to form an emotional connection with them is gone and this has bled over into me desiring them.

My gear still works though, solo I am completely fine. I think I just don't desire actual women much anymore, as they don't seem worth-it most of the time (see above).

To get an extra bump when I do decide in-person, I did get a generic to Cialis script. Try RocketRx. It was easy to get a prescription from them and the pills delivered. I cut them since I don't need the full dose.

the-don-carlo · 2024-03-09T20:28:51+00:00

Definitely could be all in the head.
Do you watch a lot of porn , or have a lot of nudes in your feed? This can kill the drive big time.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-03-09T19:47:35+00:00

If u have low t I would consider trt

captainchippsixx · 2024-03-09T18:31:19+00:00

Yeah it’s mental. I was good to go and happy to hit new stuff. But I couldn’t finish (divorce and want final. Totally in my head.

Try some over the counter stuff of the blue pill. L arginine works. Nugenix you can buy in Walgreens. Nitrous oxide ? Main ingredient works well.

alexmixer · 2024-03-09T17:29:50+00:00

Blue chew

EmCee311 · 2024-03-09T17:21:48+00:00

As others have mentioned, could be psychological. Also, how’s your diet? Hows your workout routine? If you’re not in good shape, it will affect you in other areas of your life. You’d be amazed at what can happen by eating nutrient dense foods and eating cleaner. Get into the gym and fix your diet if needed, it’s all related. Good luck man!

ciscokid12345 · 2024-03-09T17:18:07+00:00

As a 42 y/o guy in the same position here is my advice.

My health was complete shit after 20 years of working to support my family and putting my needs last. I was also drinking a lot because of the depression and stress from the divorce. My sex drive was shattered and the pressure from having to perform with a new one night stand is not easy.

I finally reached a breaking point and quit drinking, stopped eating anything processed, mostly organic vegetables and fish now. I take a lot of vitamins and exercise. I play golf 3 times a week.

My blood pressure dropped from 160 to 115 and I am basically a walking erection now. I also limit the amount of times I orgasm to keep up the pressure.

Second question…

Women between 35 and 44 are a mess. You get two options. The single mom who wants a dad to help raise the little bastards she had with Chad or the “got too busy with my career to get married and have kids and now that my time is up i’m desperate to get married and have two kids in the next four years.

The single mom is typically DTF on the first or second date but is going to be hard to get together with your busy work schedule / kids on the weekend and her dance recitals or what ever.

The women who want a baby now will let you know on the first date that this is a requirement. I have had to tell girls “hey I don’t even know you and you’re already talking about having a baby with me?” They typically reply with “well it’s what I’m trying to manifest so i need to filter out the men who don’t want kids”.

Stay away. The last thing you need is paying more child support to a woman who thinks you are a sperm donor.

So what’s a guy to do? Date only for fun. Find pleasure in other things. Make some friends to do activities and stop being so needy. Take up golf or mountain biking. Start a band that covers 90s rock.

Date only 32 years and younger or over 42 y/o women with grown kids or no kids.

boatlife44 · 2024-03-09T16:47:29+00:00

Dude why are you limiting yourself to single moms. That’s the bottom of the barrel.

I’m 43 and typically date 28-35 and no girls with kids ….EVER.

There is literally no point at all to date a single mom. If you wanted an exhausted old bitch, could have just stayed married.

Classic-Ad8157 · 2024-03-09T16:29:16+00:00

Totally psychological, I went through the same thing.

I got a viagra script and use it once but never needed it again, I just had to get out of my own head.

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-03-09T16:12:23+00:00

It's normal. I had morning wood every day with my wife. The day she cheated on me, it went away, was gone for a while, and almost two years later, barely comes back.

Nothing physical changed, just mental. For me, the first time I managed to actually cum during sex 'fixed' it, and it's been fine since.

As for follow up Q, I think you understand it. No, if you have a choice, stay away from single moms unless you're just looking for short term sex.

But you might not have a choice, so it's going to be 'single moms or nothing'.

potatotornado44 · 2024-03-09T16:03:24+00:00

Yes, most likely psychological.

Mine was partially blood pressure related as well, but I got a prescription for Cialis and there have been no issues since.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-03-09T15:47:28+00:00

Funny story. I had the same after divorce. I just assumed it was age. Went to doc and got a script. It worked. So kept taking them. Well, was on vaca. with GF and forgot them. Oh shit! Lo and behold, was fine without them. Guessing here, but thinking it may have been anxiety all along. The mere fact I took the pills gave me confidence. Just saying. So haven’t used in a year.

As for the follow-up. Stay clear of any woman that actually wants a father. There’s a huge difference between a woman wanting a partner that’s a good role model vs. father. A role model develops a relationship with the child that’s more like a teacher or coach. The role model sets boundaries, advises, mentors and acts and behaves in a manner conducive to the child’s development. They do not make decisions regarding the child, establish rules or discipline.

In order to truly become a father, you would need to enter the child’s life when they are three or younger and the biological father would need to be completely out of the picture. This is not to say you can’t bond with a child, love that child, etc.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-03-09T15:45:54+00:00

Date for fun not the next wife. Keep realistic expectations during the process, don't get disappointed, and don't take it seriously. You can be picky as hell, you control the narrative. You are in control of your boundaries. Had that same thing happen to me with the sex and it eventually went away. I attribute it to my being a shower and not a grower phase....

Title	Post Divorce ED and dating
Author	LuvDonkeeButts
Upvotes	14
Comments	78
Date	March 9, 2024 3:18 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bak0q9/post_divorce_ed_and_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/post-divorce-ed-and-dating.1426108 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426108

Comments