Do you think you would have an easier time finding a HV partner if you were attracted to women instead of men?

AdmiralRando · 2021-12-17T15:12:09+00:00

Once sex is thrown into the mix, we all have so much baggage to unpack. (Which is why this sub exists, frankly.) My lesbian/bi friends seem to have trouble with women, too.

However I’ve never heard one say that they were sleeping with a woman who sleeps in a nest and avoids washing her ass, so there’s that!

christmasforoutlaws · 2021-12-17T12:35:43+00:00

Probably not. I tried dating women after my divorce and it didn't go anywhere. I was using apps and all the women I spoke with were either men using female pics to try and get nudes (or much worse, almost fell for that), couples looking for a 3rd, or women posing as single when in reality they're looking for a 3rd for their scrote bf. The only woman who was actually remotely normal and cool lived on the other side of the state from me.

The issue isn't that so many women are low value. It's that so few women are actually attracted to women and dating apps are mostly full of men.

questcequunefemme · 2021-12-17T12:22:18+00:00

I'm bi, there is a huge portion of the lesbian population who seems to be trying to mimick LVM behaviours in regards to porn and misogyny. It's depressing

fireforestfairy · 2021-12-17T12:56:29+00:00

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edelbiatch · 2021-12-17T14:33:14+00:00

I feel like in general, true HVW are relatively rare. But on average, women are less predatory then men (with exceptions of course). There are predatory, manipulative and narcissistic women out there. They might even be more sneaky than men bc they can't use physical force and intimidation to harm you. So I think ending up with a mediocre woman would be less harmful than being with a mediocre man but nowadays, there is no reason to develop close relationships with people who are not enriching your life.

Also, I was thinking about a hypothetical world where most women would also be interested in dating other women / me. As others have pointed out, the real dating situation of lesbian and bi women is different and dating options are very scarce.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-12-17T15:07:15+00:00

Probably not. High value people are scarce in today’s society.

However, I do believe that overall women are kinder. It is also A LOT easier to find an attractive woman than an attractive man.

hexriot2001 · 2021-12-17T13:34:34+00:00

no and i wish this question would stop being asked in the group. gay dating is hard, lower numbers, lower chances. women are not perfect, they offer a lot, but it is not paradise out here. Its really lonely tbh because at least with men you can find them literally anywhere

drowsypillowprincess · 2021-12-17T20:13:47+00:00

Short answer: As a bisexual woman in a liberal state, yeah mostly.

Longer answer: There are more HV women then HV men. However all women live in a patriarchal society and no one—no one—escapes unscathed. Unless a woman has done the work to unlearn misogynistic attitudes (often internalized and passively expressed) she will not be HV. So, it’s not like there’s tons of HV women running around but only LV men. LV people are still the majority of people. It’s just that the majority of LV people are men.

I hope that makes sense.

Additionally, women who date other women have other patriarchal obstacles—including homophobia—that can cause a relationship to be incredibly difficult (and this is certainly affected by location).

So it certainly isn’t “easier” or even “healthier” to date a woman just because she’s a woman. But yes, you’re more likely to find a HV woman than a HV man right now, and a relationship between women is unlikely to have a lot of the toxic masculinity issues we see in LV heterosexual men.

fallen-summer · 2021-12-17T14:49:00+00:00

I've always wondered why lesbians didn't have their own apps to go to exclusively gay men have grindr and others but there doesn't seem to be any for women seems a shame.

Olympia43 · 2021-12-17T15:16:19+00:00

Yes and no. As a fellow bi woman, I can guarantee you that there are a lot LVW on this planet. The difference is that their low valueness is usually different than a man's.

As one of the commentors said, a lot of women think they have to imitate men behaviour to be a "tRuE FeMiNiST". Like those who thinks smoking weed and doing drugs as a woman is a big finger in the face of patriarchy, idem with porn and sex work. This is very very present in the LGBT community.

You also have to keep in mind that meeting LGBT women is actually quite difficult if you do not use OLD. Of course there are LGBT places but depending on your country or area, there might no be many and usually, these are mostly gay spaces and not lesbian.

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-12-17T14:48:55+00:00

We can dream OP!

I never had any experiences with women because I'm borderline asexual and the only woman attracted to me was a massive Pickmesha who was kink pozi. (shudder)

Honestly seeing about how lesbians are more happy in relationships besides sexually I can see where you are going OP....and women are usually a lot prettier and cleaner than men!

europoor24 · 2021-12-17T14:05:24+00:00

I’ve always thought so based on socialization alone

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-12-17T15:05:48+00:00

No I do not. And I only say this because I truly believe majority of humans aren't great overall, men are just worse. My sister who is a bisexual woman noted that women take on the negative mannerism, idealism, and overall self of men. I personally had women sexually harass, not take no for an answer, and feel on me unwanted in close settings or clubs. I also think the majority in my country WW have a huge issue with racism, colorism, and misogynoir. There is also no level to pick-me some women will go to.

Sewud · 2021-12-18T03:39:18+00:00

I know several single women with awesome jobs and healthy lifestyle who are my age and would be perfect to date. I don't know any man like this. However the women aren't lesbians.

Honestly I don't even want to say "it's because I'm attracted to men". I feel I'm straight because it's the model we're fed everywhere, because patriarchy taught me to think men are cooler and specialer and fascinating even if they are objectively a bottom tier man, and finally there's the question of sex. I'm not that interested in sex, I just like to please, and I'm conditioned to please the males that way. If I was with a woman I would be like what's the point? We're not under any pressure to make the other feel good so we might as well not!

CandidKick · 2021-12-18T03:54:23+00:00

Yes. There are way more HV women than men. This is in large part because of how we are socialized to take on more relationship responsibilities. We are socialized to be more empathetic, nurturing, agreeable, helpful and engage in conflict-resolution, among other attributes.

AmeliaEmiliaEmma · 2021-12-17T18:36:21+00:00

I believe- yes. I know quite a few HVW. I actually said a few times in the past that it’s harder to find a good boyfriend than a good girlfriend.

When I just look around me when I’m out, there are so many beautiful women, clean, dressed well, polished. And men… looking like goblins. And that’s just from the esthetic side.

Technical_Moth248 · 2021-12-17T21:10:41+00:00

Not really. My first (consensual) kiss was with my teenage bestie who ended up siding with and trying to sleep with my r*pist and has continued her problematic behavior to the point where we don't speak and she's a dangerous person to be around for her pickme behavior. I've spoken to women since I lost my husband and tbh a lot of regular women are picking up the same disgusting traits lvm have (Porn addiction, hiding who they really are until they think they can sleep with you, secretly having a scrote boyfriend who they are trying to pawn off on another woman).

Don't even get me started on how many other bi women try to score points with men because they are willing to ogle and dehumanize other ladies with them. It's not cute. Obviously I don't distrust women in the same way I do men, but I honestly don't have a massive amount of faith in anyone lol

vaporwav3r · 2021-12-17T17:55:19+00:00

I’ll be honest, I opened up one dating app to everyone cause I’m so exhausted with men. I am straight and always dreamed of life with a husband but like idk now man. I’m 31 and all these guys turn me off.. the one guy I met recently that I didn’t hate, ended up being extremely low effort, low energy and had huge walls up. Ladies.. WE ARE NOT BREAKING DOWN ANYONES WALLS. It’s 2021. He needs to seek therapy not a woman. I really don’t think I’d ever end up with a woman but right now I’m open.

fak_beauty_standards · 2021-12-17T19:59:20+00:00

yis.

In my country, there's a girl who has instagram account dedicated to accepting your body. She's a WLW.

https://www.instagram.com/justynaliscom/

I couldn't help to think she wouldn't be able to do this if she was with a man.

Japanese_Lasagna · 2021-12-18T03:40:29+00:00

I’m going to say no, but there is less risk of death or serious bodily harm in dating a woman.

I’ve never managed to get to an actual date with a woman whereas I have had dates with men (though most were still LV or NV).

Women tend to disappear very quickly, or trying to have conversation is like pulling teeth, when I match with them. Unfortunately, the few women who match with me often are worse communicators than the men who match with me.

MamaGia · 2021-12-17T23:28:37+00:00

Yes - simply because there are more HVW in my estimation!

sleepysiri · 2021-12-18T13:48:22+00:00

I swing all ways. I have always found the personalities of women to be more interesting. Like, by far. It’s insane how developed and multi-faceted they are in comparison to men who maybe have like two personality traits. Plus, the majority of women are physically attractive to me. The shared oppression is also a plus as we will always be able to understand each other on levels that men cannot.

sassyheather · 2021-12-17T15:16:34+00:00

Not really, because I met my HVM extremely easy and by coincidence. I know way more women and I am yet to meet a woman who even comes close to him.

anne-goldy · 2021-12-17T16:40:10+00:00

Absolutely no

aquietsword · 2021-12-18T02:29:45+00:00

I don't think the numbers would be in my favor. However, if I were a man looking for a woman, then yes.

imnotfitforexistence · 2021-12-18T00:02:21+00:00

I used to say constantly that if I was gay my love life would be easier, but I realized that many gay woman behave just like NVM so, nevermind that.

Still, I think it would be easier to meet a gay HVW than it is to find HVM.

PrettyPancakePolice · 2021-12-17T17:20:43+00:00

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quirkypinkllama · 2021-12-18T07:35:48+00:00

yes, i've considered it. lol

Do you think you would have an easier time finding a HV partner if you were attracted to women instead of men?

Comments

L M F A O

Title	Do you think you would have an easier time finding a HV partner if you were attracted to women instead of men?
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	524
Comments	85
Date	December 17, 2021 11:57 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rifvtv/do_you_think_you_would_have_an_easier_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-you-think-you-would-have-an-easier-time-finding.1091991 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091991