Does height really matter? Can a short man be a HVM?

magiquex · 2020-01-19T16:55:33+00:00

Height doesn’t matter much to me but their attitude about it does. I’m on the taller side for a woman (5’9”) so sometimes I’ve dated men my height or slightly shorter. But good god, men who have a complex about needing to be taller than the woman are so insufferable.

MidnightCarp · 2020-01-19T16:55:50+00:00

It's just personal preference. Short men can absolutely be HVM, that's way more about how caring and empathetic they are, whether they want to make your life better and support you, being smart and competent in their field and so on. Matters of taste don't really determine who is HVM, just who you personally will be attracted to. Some short guys can be kinda insecure about their height though and resent women for statistically having preferences they don't fit in, never date these men.

For me height in itself just doesn't seem to be a factor in how attractive I find someone. I've had crushes who were shorter than me, and my current partner is about my height - but for many women, it registers as an important part of attractiveness, and no one should dispute their standards or advise them to settle for someone they don't want because it's "fair".

Trocek · 2020-01-19T19:04:38+00:00

While I realize the “short man inferiority complex” is a thing, I have actually had better luck with them. I’m almost 6’ and my husband is 5’6.5. He’s completely secure in who he is. The only men who have ever told me “don’t wear heels” were men around 6’. Fuck that, I’ll wear whatever I want 😂

theraininvietnam · 2020-01-19T16:38:47+00:00

I'm short too (5'0) and I feel the same way as you. It almost feels comical if I end up with a guy who's 6ft or taller, and certain things don't always work the best. If you can find a short king who doesn't have a complex about his height (it's okay to be a little insecure but omg so many short men let it DEFINE them and it's exhausting), then I think he could still be a HVM. Like you said, he can't help it, and may have many more desirable attributes.

understatedalways · 2020-01-19T16:25:26+00:00

One of my exes was short. I don’t have any problem with short men and think they can be attractive. However, he had suuuuch a complex about his height. He referenced it constantly. I have found a lot of short men just can’t get over their own height. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Aeshaunua · 2020-01-19T17:05:03+00:00

I'm 5'7 but wear heels daily and I don't mind shorter men but they seem really angry. The ones I've come across actually try to convince me to wearing flats which seems they have confidence issues, I don't know...

extraacct1234 · 2020-01-19T16:26:25+00:00

There isn't necessarily a height requirement here. There also isn't an attractiveness requirement.

What we're trying to do is tell women that it's okay to be attracted to certain features and to date men with those features and not date men without them. We're trying to counter what society tells women, which is that we must accept any man and we're shallow if we don't. This leads women into relationships with men that they're simply not attracted to. Women have a right to date men they are attracted to, and to not date men they aren't attracted to.

Edited to add: I also would want a tall man if I wanted someone to have children with, I'm not going to breed with a man who's 5'7.

the-red_woman · 2020-01-19T17:05:09+00:00

I’m a tall woman - 5’9. This makes me taller then many men. I once dated a guy who was 5’7. The height difference was the reason it didn’t work out between us.

It bothered him a lot because he didn’t feel masculine and it bothered me because I want my future kids to be tall. I’d hate for my future son to be short because it will make his life a lot harder. In that sense dating tall guys is not only about my own preferences but the genes of my future children!

As the saying goes, 'the greatest gift you can give your children is their father.’

Amelania · 2020-01-19T17:40:42+00:00

I'm pretty tall, 5'8". I prefer the men I date to be taller than me, but I don't have a 6' requirement or anything.

Every guy I've been out with that was shorter than me, or even the same height, had an issue or made comments about it. Now it's something I vet early because it's just not worth it haha

pissed_af · 2020-01-19T18:29:25+00:00

Maybe my opinion doesn't weight as much because I'm 5'3"-5'4", but I don't really make a difference between tall and short, I do mind when they have a complex about it, one time I got asked to not wear high heels because it made him look even shorter, so obviously this dude didn't get a date from me after that.

thatone4567 · 2020-01-19T19:26:41+00:00

I think this is something each individual woman needs to decide for herself. If you are only attracted to tall guys then that is perfectly fine and no one should shame you for it. If you are attracted to shorter guys too then that's fine too.

Personally I like feeling small and feminine so I like taller guys, but I guess a shorter guy (but still taller than me) who is well built and muscular can make me feel that way too. I'm just not attracted to weak looking men, this includes guys who are tall but super skinny with narrow shoulders. No thanks!

inkybreadbox · 2020-01-19T19:08:30+00:00

I am 5’8, and I love short men. Most men I date are in the 5’5 to 5’9 range. I’m actually of the opinion that it is easier to find a short HVM than a taller one. Plus, shorter is just my preference. Over 5’11 is a negative for me. I think I just like to be on the same eye level as my partner.

JuddHerpatow · 2020-01-19T18:02:23+00:00

I'm over six feet tall and I've seen some over six feet tall men that are garbage. In my opinion, I date shorter men because I find them more interesting. They have better personalities.

Haltthemoon · 2020-01-19T22:01:30+00:00

I'm about the same height as you. After dating men of various heights, my theory is this: men over 5'10" don't suffer from the Napoleon complex. Anything less than 5'10", higher chances of dealing with that.

Rexins · 2020-01-19T16:22:41+00:00

Do what's best for you. If you don't mind dating short men who are HV then go for it.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-01-19T16:24:45+00:00

I like tall men now (but I think that’s just conditioning over time). However I always used to prefer shorter men (I’m short too, around your height). I find shorter men, that have a wider build have better bodies if they work out! A lot of the time they have more defined muscle with some additional cushion (I don’t like super ripped guys), the inverted v shape is also more accentuated, and they have nicer legs and butt too I reckon! It’s like everything is more exaggerated - bigger arms too. So yep, I can see the appeal of shorter men.

2020-01-19T20:39:59+00:00

As long as they don’t have a complex about their height, shorter men can definitely be HVM. Unfortunately a lot of them do have a complex and they can be very toxic towards women as a result of their preferences (because apparently we’re not allowed to have preferences!).

Personally, I prefer to date taller men because I’m on the taller side (5’7”, and often wear heels so that I stand almost eye level with men that are 6 ft.) but I wouldn’t mind dating a man that’s my height. I dated a guy briefly that was 5’7” and his height didn’t bother me because he didn’t have a complex about it (and he was very attractive otherwise—he had beautiful facial features and a good body, and the reason we didn’t work out was due to distance, so nothing to do with height). His personality and our chemistry were also amazing and that’s what matters the most to me, ultimately. I’ve also dated some men who were 6 ft. or more who were trash so it really isn’t a defining trait in dating, even if I have a slight preference for taller men. If you like shorter men and they’re secure and confident in their height, go for it!

lasolterita · 2020-01-19T21:19:51+00:00

This sub has some requirements & a lot of general guidelines.This is because a lot of criteria can't be put into absolutes. Some can, such as "DON'T DATE ENTITLED RAPISTS/ABUSERS/PEDOS." (Duh.) But other stuff, like appearance, is highly subjective.

Many people in this sub will say, "Date guys that are at LEAST 6ft tall."
Most people in this sub (including me) will say, "Date guys that are approaching 6ft." (But how does one define "approaching?" Exactly my point.)
The overwhelming majority on this sub will say, "Date someone taller than you."
Everyone in this sub WILL say, "Date someone you personally find attractive." This one is an absolute sub REQUIREMENT.

Edit: I'll add, it is in your favor to be more stringent with requirements. You don't necessarily have to expect the most extreme level of excellence for every criterion. But every HV lady should have some criteria she is more adamant about. This sub is all about defining your standards and sticking to them religiously. You, as the woman, come first!

Throoooowawayyyyy55 · 2020-01-19T19:06:38+00:00

I like short guys as well and this sub constantly shitting on them is probably my least favorite thing about this sub. Like I get having preferences/requirements but some of y’all be talking about them like they are second class citizens.

7_0f_9 · 2020-01-19T22:49:57+00:00

I'm 5'0 so i have no problem dating shorter men. To be honest i think a lot more men like taller women than we know. That said i actually found i enjoyed sex and kissing with shorter men better. No more leg cramps.

quasarbar · 2020-01-20T02:27:55+00:00

A short man can absolutely be a HVM in my opinion. And I'm tall!

That said, women are allowed to have preferences for what they're attracted to physically, and many prefer men who are not too short. That's fine. Men certainly hold us to high standards physically; we can do the same if we want.

StillAwakeofCourse · 2020-01-21T12:36:42+00:00

It's all about personality, confidence, presence. I've dated tall men just because they were tall. Bland as fuck. I called him "nice but dim" LVM. Dated a man shorter than me (I'm 5'8) and neither of us gave one shiny shit. He's definitely a HVM, height had nothing to do with it.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2020-02-08T16:37:10+00:00

My husband is 5'4-5'5 and gives zero shits about it. I love him! I'm 4'11-5'0

mizzmilitia · 2020-01-19T16:33:28+00:00

I agree, I have dated shorter men before. I don't really mind as long as they are taller than I am 5'3. I like at least 5'7 so I can still wear my heels. Guys can get incredibly insecure if they are shorter and their girl towers over him in heels.

pearpastor · 2020-01-19T20:39:31+00:00

I'm 5'2-4, I can't remember 100% since it's been a while since I've measured myself 😂 Generally the men I have mostly dated long term were/ are around 5'7-6'.

I personally don't think height is a huge issue although I do have my own preferences (that they're taller than me in heels), but it also really depends on their attitude towards their own height in general.

I have been on dates where men have brought up their height and then proceeded to tell me how shallow women are, and their own preferences in women. 😩

myousername · 2020-01-19T21:45:15+00:00

I am also kinda tall at 5'10". Approximately 30% of the guys I've dated were the same height or shorter than me.

The only type of short guy worth considering is a Short King: a man who is confident, comfortable with his masculinity, and doesn't have to resort to trying super hard to seem Alpha.

Be careful about short guys who have grown up with an inferiority complex. They are often quite bitter, rude, insecure, angry, and try way too hard to prove they are manly or whatever. IME, they often resort to abusive behaviors to make their girlfriends feel small so that they can feel better in comparison.

wiindowsill · 2020-01-19T21:53:13+00:00

It's all about confidence. I'm 5'9 and my 5'8 ex had a complex. I constantly had to reassure him and he tried to make me feel insecure about being tall... whereas a guy I had a fling with a few years ago was 5'7 and didn't give a crap so neither did I! In fact, he liked my height. Personally I would feel uncomfortable if I was significantly taller but a couple inches don't matter, it just depends on how the guy carries himself.

ivy176 · 2020-01-20T02:47:03+00:00

I like a man to be taller than me. My asshole ex husband was 6'3. My current man of 4 years is about 5'10. I'm average height, like 5'4. I prefer my current partner's height - hugs and sex positions work better, and I can still look up at him as if I'm small even though he doesn't tower over me. He's also an overall smaller frame than guys I dated previously, but still fairly muscular/stocky. I used to think I was only into guys over 6ft and super huge frames, but I've never been as attracted to anyone as the man I have now. They say the best warriors were average heights and sizes so they had strength and speed. Really tall huge people are slower fighters on average lol.

TheObservationalist · 2020-01-20T16:50:42+00:00

Imo height does not matter. Dated an awesome guy who was the same height as me (he broke it off). Dated a tall guy who was good overall, but we had differing values. Married an out of this world top shelf guy who's a little under 6'0. Quality is in the eye of the beholder to an extent, and there are things so much more important than height.

honestgoing · 2020-01-19T20:49:08+00:00

About 15% of men are over 6 feet tall.

About 7% of people in the US make 100k or more per year.

0.0105% is 7% of 15%.

So about one in 10,000 men fit that description. Of course, it's bad math, because there's likely an overlap between those traits compared to the converse.

But of course, height and income aren't the only standards, right? Each of us has our own list of what it important. Each additional requirement narrows down that list substantially. Of those 0.01% of men, how many are willing and capable of being in a monogamous relationship? How many are reasonably attractive? How many share the political, social, or religious views that you find important to have in a partner.

With each requirement for a partner, we limit the number of people we will consider.

So there are few things we can do with that information.

1) We can choose to not compromise at all.

Cons:

refusing to consider men that don't meet certain standards doesn't magically make other men improve what they have to offer.

We may end up alone if no one meets our standards.

Pros:

We don't waste our time with men who are not up to par.

If we don't

2) We compromise on standards.

Cons:

We have lowered our standards, and we may be less satisfied.

Pros:

We have more options We're more likely to end up with someone.

So, in deciding what your standards are, you have to weigh the risk vs rewards in compromising standards.

For example, ask:

Will I be unhappy dating someone who is 5"9?

Will I be unhappy dating someone who is fat?

Will I be unhappy dating someone who makes 95k/year?

Different women will have different answers to these questions. The "pickmesha's", on one, are willing to have low standards and offer a lot to men. A lot of women on this subreddit are on the other end, tolerating nothing short of what they want. You can't simultaneously have high standards and be willing to tolerate

I am here, personally, because I think women gain a lot of power over themselves when they say "I'd rather end up alone if I don't get what I want." For me, I want loyalty, love, and to be proud of and attracted to who I'm with. Height factors into pride and attraction - I don't think I could reasonable be attracted to someone who was shorter man me. And I couldn't be proud of a 5'5 guy who had a complex about being taller.

MyNeferTitty · 2020-01-19T16:42:35+00:00

What is a HVM in your opinion?

Ime, short men are clowned, by other men especially, and so grow up to be very bitter and try to assert dominance over other men and women through aggressive and anti-social behavior.

These are not HV traits to me.

Personality issues aside, I just don't find short men physically attractive, but that's a personal preference.

SslimReaperr · 2020-01-19T17:52:18+00:00

If I had the choice between a tall HVM and a short HVM, I will pick the tall one every time 🤷🏻‍♀️

Guys constantly bitch about heightism and their points are totally valid but I honestly just don’t give a fuck. Guys also judge women’s bodies very harshly so why are we expected to NOT do the same?

The reality is, being tall is an attractive trait in a man, just like having a natural hourglass figure is an attractive trait in women. Yall men want us to lie? Sucks to suck.

SimpleSyrups · 2020-01-19T16:25:57+00:00

I’m short, and I used to prefer taller guys because I felt like short guys always had a complex about being short that made me uncomfortable. I dated a shorter guy, 5’7” and I liked his height for me, and thought he was handsome. I’m more open to it now, but he had a lot of issues and I don’t know if they stemmed from his height or not.

I think society has done a disservice to men in regard to height. There are plenty of guys on the shorter side that should be able to find a date more easily, but they probably can’t. I really do feel for the guy who is 5’7” and can’t find a 5’2” girl to date... but I also suspect it’s due to his behavior and personality in some aspect. I don’t necessarily think it’s their fault, I think they’ve been socialized to have a chip on their shoulder about it but it’s unattractive all the same.

Janedola · 2020-01-19T18:06:57+00:00

I agree. Honestly, height requirements have always struck me as really dumb, it's kinda like not liking someone for cellulite or because their nose has a freckle. Like, everybody is within their rights for preferences but height and some other things are just dumb to me.

That being said, a lot of short guys get unnecessary shit, and end up doing what men do and become toxic. They basically start out with a minus and work it into a bigger one by being assholes

throwmefaraway85 · 2020-01-19T18:00:08+00:00

I've personally never cared about height and have no problems dating someone shorter than me. I'm 5'7" and my current partner is 5'5". I also have a larger bone structure than him, so yes, we do look a bit weird together. But I care about more about how they treat me and how we get along in the relationship than any physical attribute he has no control over, I'm over caring about image and what people think about me as long as I'm happy and fulfilled. Life's too short. And the only hate I've ever gotten from it has come from other women, lots of snide comments. I've never told anyone that they should consider dating someone shorter, and completely understand and support women who do have a preference for taller men.

I'm comfortable with it because he has always been secure in his masculinity, and has not once made me feel unfeminine or less of a woman because of it. If he had though? I wouldn't be with him. I wouldn't be able to handle someone who was always insecure about something like that or made me feel bad about myself, and unfortunately I think a lot of short guys do have a problem with it.

Things aren't working out too well now because of other issues completely unrelated to height, but we are still on good terms and it has definitely been an experience that I don't regret.

UnashamedWench · 2020-01-19T19:18:09+00:00

I don't care about height. I don't think I would want to date a man shorter than me at 5' 7", but I find men my own height and taller attractive. The caveat is that insecurity is a deal-killer. If he's short and insecure about it, that's a total no-go. If he sees it as normal and is fine with his own height and doesn't see anything in it to be ashamed about, he's golden.

I also am not turned off by an otherwise attractive bald man who embraces it with confidence (think Bruce Willis). I'm very turned off by men with thinning hair and receding hairlines who try to hide it and desperately cling to what they have left. Buzz it and keep up with the rest of your grooming and dress, and that shit can be hot.

I'm most picky about faces; an attractive face, good jawline, and nice eyes are are a must for me; facial hair beyond well-tended, fashionable scruff is unattractive. I won't date a guy with a beard.

Fitncurly · 2020-01-19T20:39:13+00:00

I’m short, and it hasn’t been hard to date men who were taller than me (they all were), so I never had a hardline per se. I just knew I wanted someone taller than me to the point where I could wear heels and still be shorter, or maybe the same height. My husband is 6” taller than me, and that works out perfectly.

Trocek · 2020-01-20T11:06:35+00:00

I haven't seen a single post excluding short men? I don't understand why would you even think that's our opinion. Height has nothing to do with person's value.

chickenery · 2020-01-19T18:34:20+00:00

I think short men are just fine.

Also “short” is relative. I’m 5’2” and guys 5’5”+ are not short to me.

At the end of the day, a HVM is someone who shows kindness, compassion, and consideration, and has his shit together. And these are qualities I expect from myself even as I expect them from the men I date. His height is irrelevant in that respect.

That being said, I do not think anyone should be shamed for having preferences. But, those of us with preferences should not confuse “what I prefer” with “what is objectively good”.

Karolin99_Ger · 2020-01-19T18:58:33+00:00

my bf is 5'6 and tbh he is the Perfect men in every way but i Think that's rare. many men Let their insecurities get in the way unfortunately and somehow height is a big insecurity

needsomecoffeefirst · 2020-01-19T21:22:57+00:00

I think that yes, there's nothing they can do about it besides standing straight (not slouching).

And yes, we humans are wired to have certain preferences and the influence of culture more often than not reinforces them (<tall men are what is considered the most attractive>, or <women who are thin and have a nice cleavage are the ideal>, and so on).

I agree people can have their own standards/preferences, but what I disagree with and something I have seen in real life and here sometimes as well, is that people express their preferences in a hurtful derogatory way. Think for instance, a "high value "man prefering thin women, or women with no children, sure, he can have his own standards, but no need to be offensive about overweight women or single moms. It's the rudeness, diminishing aspect I don't like.

eobardsthong · 2020-01-19T23:40:48+00:00

If you are attracted to them physically and they have the qualities you like in a person, then height shouldn’t be an issue. As long as you’re not tying to force attraction when it’s not there!

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blair2006 · 2020-01-20T00:09:27+00:00

I just want a guy to be taller then me, again I’m 5’7 so it’s that height where you’re not tall but you can often be taller then a lot of guys. I want someone who is larger/stronger then me for sex too, I don’t want someone who can’t playfully pin me down ya know. My sister lowers her height from 5’8 to 5’7 on dating apps because she thinks men wouldn’t swipe on her for that reason! So silly.

I said this in another post but I saw my ex bf’s hinge profile and he said he was 5’9 when he was a smidge taller then me...and he was also a LVM because he broke up with me over the phone on New Year’s Day when the night prior the condom broke and I had to take a plan B.

grimreapersdtr · 2020-01-20T00:10:32+00:00

I guess if it doesn’t matter for you, I can’t see what the issue is.

Where I live, there are so many men who would be considered short that I guess the short ones don’t seem to develop a complex over it. I’m short myself, so a guy would have to be really small for me to notice.

Whateverbabe2 · 2020-01-20T04:33:40+00:00

I've dated a guy that was 6'7 and a guy that was 5'4. I'm 5'6.

It's not about how tall a guy is, it's about what he does with that height. I never noticed that my 5'4 man was shorter than me until he pointed it out. By that point I had been with him everyday for a month.

AntiCircles · 2020-01-20T05:57:33+00:00

Physical appearance is subjective. I don't mind height honestly.

reddit_to_go_man · 2020-01-20T14:05:15+00:00

I’m almost 6’ which is obviously not common for females. I’ve always been self-conscious about my height, and prefer to date guys who are no more than 1-2” shorter, though taller is always better for me. What I cannot understand for the life of me is the men who lie about their height in their OLD profiles. I’m very upfront about my own height so that a guy knows what he’s getting (and hopefully weed out the dudes with a complex). I’d say easily 50% are shorter than their listed height. Last guy I went on a date with listed his height as 6’2” which was a huge plus for me. Met him and noticed we stood eye-to-eye. Like, wtaf dude? Do you really think I am not gonna notice this?

To be fair, not sure if it’s so much that guys are actually lying, or they just haven’t had their height checked in a while.

BDizzy18 · 2020-01-20T00:29:48+00:00

This seems to come up once a week or so. As evidenced by all of the great responses, it's not true that short men are reviled here. In fact, every time it's posted they get a lot of love. 😁 It does seem like women who don't mind dating short guys are often insecure about it though, which sometimes comes across in these posts. Do other women shame them for dating shorter guys? That might be an interesting topic/post.

nothanksitstoocold · 2020-01-20T02:23:23+00:00

I’m not attracted to short men but yeah they can be.

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