Don’t.do.this ladies

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-07-02T22:42:52+00:00

When a man tells you something negative, believe him the first time and run for the hills. When he says something positive, check his actions to see if they match his words. If not, run for the hills.

At no point, ask yourself why.

ChocolateBiscuit96 · 2021-07-02T22:13:44+00:00

Uh. He’s 28 with no kids, he’s not going to take her seriously. He’s just using her for sex. Trying to change a guys mind is fruitless. Just focus on the child, and hopefully the right one comes along.

LR_today · 2021-07-02T22:02:32+00:00

Walls?

You mean him straight up telling you several times in several ways that a relationship will not happen, he doesn't care in any way, but he's willing to get his dick wet because you won't accept what he said as true?

When a guy tells you he's a piece of shit that is using you... BELIEVE HIM

denimlace · 2021-07-02T23:33:27+00:00

30 min? Wam bam betcha not even a thank you ma’am

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-07-02T23:39:58+00:00

That is tragic and pathetic. No one is worth this humiliation.

agonyandhope · 2021-07-03T01:11:19+00:00

They have not spend more than 30 minutes together in a year and she thinks a relationship with this person will be the best thing? She doesn't even know him.

lolmemberberries · 2021-07-02T23:52:40+00:00

He's a colossal waste of her time.

Yellowsunflowerlover · 2021-07-03T03:02:41+00:00

He told her he's not into her, it's not going to work and they want different things. He's only in it for the sex and apparently not into it that much anymore. She needs to move on. Being a divorced single mom is hard, but she's still settling for a piece of crap dude that never even thinks of her. She might as well not exist to him.

daisy_0720 · 2021-07-03T06:35:10+00:00

Once a guy has decided (for whatever reason) that he doesn't want a relationship with you, nothing will change his mind. Nothing. You just cut your losses and move on.

Unfortunately, society had brainwashed women into believing they 'did' something to push the guy away, while movies and TV bombard us with pairings who 'make their way back to each other', so she's well and truly brainwashed. Until she stops internalizing his rejection and learns to respect herself, this woman will keep circling the drain.

purasangria · 2021-07-02T22:17:39+00:00

Jesus, who cares why? When a man says he's not into you, believe him, and act accordingly.

Radicology · 2021-07-02T22:28:30+00:00

I’m getting secondary embarrassment from this. Yikes.

SunflowerinVirgo0903 · 2021-07-03T05:17:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Elegant-Emergency-60 · 2021-07-02T22:03:12+00:00

God this is so sad. Lose his number sis, he ain’t into you and he sounds like trash. He’s stringing her along because she’s not taking no for an answer. LVM will tell you they aren’t interested but still waste your time like this. If he was a decent person he would stop placating her.

And I’m sure we’ve all been there where we wonder to ourselves what can WE (barf) do to get the relationship back to ‘where it was in the beginning’ but there’s nothing you can do. Because at the start you were getting to know each other so there is always some rose colored glasses.

She deserves better.

whatevertoton · 2021-07-03T01:06:56+00:00

Ouch. She just ain’t getting it.

ceramicunicorn · 2021-07-03T01:15:01+00:00

Who else has this friend or family member? How do you handle it? Have you given up?

08__80 · 2021-07-03T09:09:51+00:00

HE. DOES. NOT. WANT. YOU.

I understand this mentality. Some people develop a coping mechanism where they lie to themselves to protect themselves, and she's been lying to herself and giving herself false hope that there is a future between herself and this dude for a while now. The coping mechanism makes her ignore and make excuses for every red flag and obvious 'I don't want to be with you' signal, including the dude literally saying 'I don't want to be with you,' and makes her snatch at every crumb of positive and neutral attention and turn it into evidence of how he actually wants to be with her, he's just too clueless to realize it.

She needs to realize that this is what's happening. Her mind is lying to her because accepting that he doesn't want her will hurt too much. She doesn't realize that it will hurt much less just to accept it and start the healing process than to keep prolonging it like this. She won't hear this advice, but if it applies to you, just rip the bandaid off, sis. It hurts way less than trying to peel it off hair-by-hair, trust me.

justforfds · 2021-07-03T08:28:29+00:00

Seeing examples of bad situations like this is so helpful in bringing the FDS principles to life, and I am grateful for that.

It does pain me to see women brainwashed by the patriarchy into ignorance of plain fact. We are trained to believe we need a man to give us value, ignore men's lies, contradictory behaviour and believe relationship troubles are caused by our failing to be enough or understand how to reach him.

This clearly affects women of all ages, particularly younger, less exposed and more vulnerable women.

This woman needs therapy on valuing herself as a complete person and enforcing boundaries to exclude those who don't value her.

I find it hard to speak harshly of her. We all start off not knowing what we don't know about everything, including men. Whether that ends in childhood or old age, depends on so much. Few people genuinely want to suffer for ever, particularly once they learn that they are being mistreated or doing so to themselves.

When our insecurities and fears about our value are at the forefront of our minds, they warp our perception and reasoning so much.

We do need to protect ourselves from the influence of determined pickmes but also to have compassion from a safe distance. If we haven't been in a position to lead a horse to water and observe, we can't say it refuses to drink.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-07-02T22:04:13+00:00

Show some pride.

asupernova91 · 2021-07-03T00:25:07+00:00

This is coming from a former, naive, certified, pickme. Girl: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. If you're not going to stop this clownery for yourself stop it for your child because I'm sure the kid is suffering from all kinds of side effects from this mess.

3lbsofjewelry · 2021-07-03T06:52:22+00:00

GIRL. Please return to reality. Please.

imtryingtotryhere · 2021-07-03T09:25:00+00:00

I got tired just from reading this.

Morepaperplease · 2021-07-03T11:31:16+00:00

He’s already with someone else - move on.

potmakesyouparanoid · 2021-07-03T09:05:49+00:00

Omg this is so pathetic. Please ladies, always hold on to your dignity!!

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-07-03T03:35:04+00:00

He hasn't spent more that a 30 minute span of time with her in over a year but they are still sleeping together. Even sex workers get an hour. He is treating her like an unpaid worker or worse. More like his cum sock under his mattress I bet she never has an orgasm. She needs to delete this thing from her life and focus on her kid. If her child is a daughter, this is a terrible example for her.

ciaramcw · 2021-07-03T18:12:56+00:00

Those walls are called I'm not that into and never will be.

XxShykatxX · 2021-07-03T19:38:07+00:00

I feel this, this was my younger self and I am cringing at embarrassment for my actions as I now see how they are. I hope she realizes her worth soon and focuses more on her kid than chasing this guy who is using her.

VividPsychology7 · 2021-07-03T19:56:47+00:00

She’s lucky he told her straight that he wasn’t interested in further pursuing things. A lot of men won’t say anything because they want to keep you as an option, usually for sex. I don’t understand how she still thinks there’s a future with this guy when he’s blatantly told her there isn’t one, no mind games or messing her around/stringing her along or anything. She needs to move on, and maybe seek help because she doesn’t seem happy with herself and her life.

emowhit15 · 2021-07-02T22:41:31+00:00

Horror story in the making!😱😱😱

_queeeen_ · 2021-07-03T03:10:55+00:00

He enjoys seeing her miserable and pining for 30 minutes every couple days. What a monster.

cynthiaat92 · 2021-07-03T12:16:54+00:00

🤢

Throwaway3344444556 · 2021-07-03T00:35:27+00:00

Hes just not that into you girl. Its (he’s) not that deep.

NoSurprise7196 · 2021-07-03T00:52:00+00:00

Just wondering if FDS newbies are allowed to post? My post isn’t going through. I have a similar story

lola_cage · 2021-07-03T15:23:50+00:00

Women doing this in their 20s is sad. A mother in her mid 30s doing this is a TRAGEDY. She needs to stop before she passes shitty behavior down to her son or daughter.

Me, a 34 year old mother of two who stopped chasing men in her mid 20s.

veniphyl · 2021-07-03T05:00:27+00:00

She said she was not clingy yet asked him several times to spend some time with her? Lmao

throwaway23er56uz · 2021-07-03T06:56:47+00:00

The dude should grow a spine and block her and move on. He probably has moved on already and she is only a side chick but doesn't realize this.

She should stop contacting him. There is no relationship. There has never been a relationship. He has told her this. He told her he is not that into her. He has told her that they have different ideas about their lives. She should listen. He is not the frog who is magically going to turn into a prince.

He is 28 and she is 35. Quite an age difference.

Now let's look at what she doesn't talk about, which is often very revealing. She has a child from a previous relationship. Maybe this 28 year old dude doesn't want to spend the next 15 or 20 years of his life bringing up another man's child. Maybe he doesn't want to bring up any children at all. Or only later. Which would be OK because it's his decision. Note how she doesn't even mention how he feels about the child? Or about children in general? Does she even know? Does she care?

I'm sorry but I can't feel any pity or sympathy for her. I just hope the dude uses condoms before she hits on the brilliant idea of baby-trapping him so she can finally be together with her "prince". Who is a frog. Who has told her he is a frog.

spicyspa · 2021-07-03T03:09:02+00:00

I feel bad that she's stuck on this mindset. At the same time, I can pat myself on the back that I've not gone this far.

esthermaniii · 2021-07-03T20:31:36+00:00

Not a 35 year old woman chasing a 28 year old. Omg

NoSurprise7196 · 2021-07-03T00:52:15+00:00

Because he’s 28!

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-07-03T00:16:54+00:00

I'm sorry but she sounds dumb 🤦‍♀️

Title	Don’t.do.this ladies
Author	Previous-Focus-2013
Upvotes	478
Comments	77
Date	July 2, 2021 9:34 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ock1cr/dontdothis_ladies/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dontdothis-ladies.788227 https://theredarchive.com/post/788227

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