I’m really curious to know..

papanezismysaviour · 2021-09-03T15:40:58+00:00

You were right, girl. Romance is always better in fantasy. Live your life, focus on your career and keep avoiding commitment to men like you were doing.

You aren't selfish for caring about money. You don't need to prove anything to men. Don't lie to yourself, you aren't enjoying the relationship so dump him. You don't like him, you just like the vision in your head about him.

TheNightWitch · 2021-09-03T15:51:26+00:00

Don’t make life decisions that prioritize your romantic partner unless you are married, and the decision offers You a clear benefit that you want. Ever. If the choice potentially impacts your future, make it like you are single.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-09-03T16:07:37+00:00

Read "Why Men Love Bitches" and "He's Just Not That Into You", be more assertive and stop being too humble in a professional setting (I have a bad imposter syndrome and could never sell myself successfully, purposely minimizing my accomplishments and abilities, which is so, so foolish!)

ThxFDS · 2021-09-03T16:08:28+00:00

If he wanted to, he would.

BashRunes · 2021-09-03T16:15:09+00:00

If you hate your situation and you have the means to leave then GO. Don't keep touching the hot burner. Guys go nuts over you. Word gets out that you're single and they'll line up begging for a chance. Be as picky as you want, because you can and because you deserve it.

And also? Dude, you're bi. Girls who hit on you know that. Take a few of them up on it instead of crying over some asocial asshole who calls you his girlfriend and then acts like you don't exist for weeks at a time.

Oh, and you feel uncomfortable being sexualized for a damn good reason. Send your boyfriend nudes and he's just gonna throw them in a folder with pics from his exes, nudes from Kik/Tumblr/Omegle (I was a teen in the early 2010's, can you tell?), and saved social media photos of chicks he's thirsty for. Demand respect, and if he doesn't give it then he can pound sand.

sexualfoodpantry · 2021-09-03T15:55:37+00:00

Definitely prioritizing studies and making/investing money over men.

I would not consider giving relationships any kind of priority, unless I was able to support myself financially.

Even in 2021, the number of 23 year olds stuck in an unhealthy live-in situation with a man, because they can't afford to move, is still too damn high.

And when considering if you should prioritize a man, his love for you should only be one part of the equation. A man can love you very much, but still be a bad fit due to addictions, criminal behavior or crazy beliefs.

rainbowshummingbird · 2021-09-03T18:21:20+00:00

Don’t give multiple chances to men who don’t deserve it. First sign of red flag, move on. Don’t attempt to understand, give second chances, figure out what’s going on or try to get them to see your point of view. This is a waste of your time.

deadinsidelol69 · 2021-09-03T17:27:30+00:00

Don't ever give a man the time of day, focus on your career and family instead. Don't ever, ever, go seeking a relationship when you aren't completely happy with where you are and who you are.

LR_today · 2021-09-03T16:12:26+00:00

If you want children, do not stay with men who do not want them. They will not change their mind. THEY WILL WASTE YOUR TIME WITHOUT THOUGHT!

lansburysoda · 2021-09-03T17:17:04+00:00

Romance is not a Disney fairytale. And most real fairytales have unhappy endings. Understand this now and you’ll be more pragmatic when it comes to men. Say what you want and don’t be gaslit into staying for less than you know you’re worth.

If you’re anxious/crying on a regular basis, leave him. He is probably abusing you but you can’t see it.

Don’t stress out so much over school. Get your work done but don’t be a perfectionist. Your work will probably be better because you’ll have more time to balance sleep & a social life with school.

Do not work while you’re in school. Take out student loans if you need to. Your grades are more valuable than a low-paying job and will get you way more opportunities in the future.

quasarbar · 2021-09-03T19:03:35+00:00

This may be controversial, but this is what younger me needed to hear:

Don't look for the high of feeling "in love." Look for comfort and respect. Look for someone you have fun with. Look for someone who treats you right and prioritizes you. You don't need "chemistry" as long as you don't find him repulsive.

And never, ever, EVER chase a man. If he pulls away, let him go and never look back. No amount of wanting him to love you and prioritize you will ever make him do so. Quite the contrary.

Vmchik · 2021-09-03T16:23:00+00:00

I would say stay away from men older than 20 to my 18 year old self. Also to have standards and expectations for everyone in your life. It’s better to be alone then feel lonely while surrounded by people

musicalistic · 2021-09-03T17:01:15+00:00

Cut out my toxic family sooner. Understand the effects of having toxic and abusive family. Be very wary and careful with older men, abusive men, lovebombers, liars and etc. Prioritize self-care, do some therapies and learn about money management.

Aocwannabe · 2021-09-03T20:16:28+00:00

Do NOT give the “benefit of the doubt” to strangers. It is a privilege to be extended to people who have already proven that they are trustworthy, reliable and consistent. People who expect you to just “accept them as they are” when you have no to little history are a gigantic red flag.
When people disappoint or upset you, do NOT pretend you are ok with it. Say something immediately and see if they honor your boundary no matter how tiny or if they pushback. Totally okay to drop people who think that what is important you is insignificant.
Learn the skill of “nipping things in the bud” or cutting bait at the first red flag in friendship and romance. Many of us deeply regret the hours, months, years of our lives that we spent hoping someone would learn from our kindness and generosity or would be the friend to us that we were for them.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-09-03T16:28:22+00:00

I would say, it’s good that you waited this long, now wait longer. If you know it’s going to end badly, why start? Also, never date anyone in your field and take advice from someone who seems like they care about you… You have no idea how hard that shit is going to affect you… It’s okay if you can’t take a joke.

To my younger teenage and adolescent self, if he doesn’t respect your family and tries to divide you from them, he ain’t no prize or keeper.

Rayne2522 · 2021-09-03T17:31:15+00:00

I would tell myself to not marry my ex husband!!

Hateorade_ · 2021-09-03T17:32:36+00:00

I would tell myself to not have a boyfriend in college and to take your time, not rush. Also, to take every opportunity you are given and to leave at the first red flag.

quasarbar · 2021-09-03T19:06:27+00:00

I would also tell younger me to look up the signs of Cluster B personality disorders. Younger me didn't have a fucking clue about them.

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-09-03T15:48:28+00:00

Focus on my education and be more serious. Be open to treatment/therapy. Cut toxic family out of my life sooner. Worry about making myself happy and not what other people think.

maracat1989 · 2021-09-03T17:52:51+00:00

Go to therapy STAT. Your father is the average man. He is not an outlier. You don’t want the average man- you want better. Do not fall in love with potential. You don’t have to put up with anything just because you think you’re supposed to marry some day. If every man you see is shit then leave them ALL alone. You don’t have to put up with shit just to have shit in your life. If you don’t like one thing about a guy it’s a good enough reason to break up. In fact any reason is a good enough reason to break up. Learn about what it means to be respected by people. If all men are shit then discard the need for men. Do not live with shitty boyfriends. Do not move for shitty boyfriends or friends. FOMO when dealing with men isn’t real. Struggle love isn’t noble.

Edit: about the overuse of the s word…It’s how I feel what do you want from me lol all the men in my past were shiiiitttttttttt

Zeniite · 2021-09-03T18:46:05+00:00

I was JUST thinking about this 20 minutes ago. I would tell my 15 year old self, “Don’t date. Guys really do only care about one thing. Wait until you’re 30 to even consider dating because by then, you’ll have heard all your friends’ horror stories about dating and saved yourself from a ton of trauma.”

Feminineprincess · 2021-09-03T21:08:27+00:00

Male validation is just as valuable as dirt 🙂, stay away from pickme girls because they are extremely mean and will laugh with the boys who bully you, and love yourself more.

katiekat0214 · 2021-09-03T18:06:18+00:00

Lose weight, avoid diabetes. You have a real, valid, invisible handicap in your knees, and you need surgery to correct both knees.

FDS-GFY · 2021-09-03T21:19:38+00:00

If he wanted to, he would. His emotions are not your problem. And you deserve to be treated well.

throwaway-fds · 2021-09-03T16:20:30+00:00

Don't give any man a piece of your time at all. They don't care about you and you'll feel disgusting afterwards. Especially older men. Trust your gut.

galian84 · 2021-09-03T19:30:33+00:00

Listen to your intuition and don’t be afraid to leave a toxic relationship, or any relationship where it’s not benefitting you. Don’t be afraid to be single. Keep working on your writing and saving money, maybe you could have had a polished novel ready for publication, and a house by now instead of wasting time on N/LVMs who can’t even commit to you.

And you are worthy!

HeraStrikesBack · 2021-09-03T18:31:20+00:00

It’s ok to only want to date someone you’re attracted to.

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-09-03T18:35:49+00:00

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that dick is abundant and low value! Attention from men isn’t worth shit because they’d fuck a donut if they’re desperate enough😂 If only I knew how much trauma and heartache I’d avoid if I prioritized myself instead of LVM

gigi_chi · 2021-09-03T15:45:33+00:00

Making a lot of money and being educated is nice and you will live the lifestyle you dream of every night. But, there is more to life than money and nice things. Nurture all of your relationships, both romantic and platonic.

Feministtiktok · 2021-09-03T17:10:54+00:00

I’d tell myself to focus on myself more than even friends because I used to care so badly for what others thought and wanted so much to have a lot of friends or boyfriends. I wish I was almost more selfish and less shy

BasieSkanks · 2021-09-03T21:05:35+00:00

Prioritise yourself. Most men are not worth your time, attention or energy. Life is a huge leveller and things have a way of working out. If someone says ‘no’ to you, that means something much better is coming your way. Take advantage of all opportunities and adventures that come your way. Men truly ain’t shit.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-09-03T20:15:23+00:00

Don’t date anyone who got out of a serious relationship within the past 12 months. You are the rebound they work out their issues on and they will break up when they feel they have recovered.

Also, don’t go straight to grad school because the real world is scary. Get out of your comfort zone!

Along with dressing cute everywhere because you might meet “the one” is stupid. Wear practical comfy clothes and rock it!

lakat17 · 2021-09-03T19:01:08+00:00

Learn how to be assertive. I honestly think learning how be assertive and respecting your wants and desires and see the many ways people and society try to manipulate us from being assertive, is one of the best avenues to learn and feel self love. Which I lacked or feel I didn’t deserve when I was younger. Once you know what to say, act and pinpoint assertiveness and tackle manipulation, confidence and self low grows and you get less scared. ( READ “when I say no, I feel guilty).

Also “dick/men are abundant and of low value”. Wait for HV men, not just any man that’s givesan iota of attention. UGH 😑 I felt so alienated because I didn’t feel attractive when I was younger and didn’t have a bf, then I chose LVM. That’s it’s better to be alone and invest in yourself then fantasize being in a relationship.

ExistentialJelly · 2021-09-03T20:50:22+00:00

Focus on studies and to avoid online chat rooms.

Get your health in order.

And learn how to invest your babysitting money lol

NinjaCynic · 2021-09-03T21:37:50+00:00

Crushes are nothing but a waste of precious mental energy. If he was interested he would have made the effort. Move on, be awesome, keep taking no shit from anyone.

Basically-fabulous · 2021-09-03T17:32:41+00:00

You don't like him is a valid reason not to date him.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-09-03T18:12:25+00:00

I’d tell myself not to worry about being single, tell her how to vet men, FDS-style, and tell her to go to grad school.

shoelaceys · 2021-09-04T00:05:43+00:00

You’re way too cute to be with a douche bag who cheats on you. Go and have fun and don’t tie yourself down in these god-awful relationships that do nothing but hold you back. You’re so much better than those scrubs and you have so much time to just enjoy your youth to the fullest.

shedipity · 2021-09-04T02:33:50+00:00

i would tell her that it’s not your fault, and this is a lesson to stop it from happening to you again. you are so lucky that they aren’t in your life anymore. if they wanted to, they would and they never did. NEVER lower your standards and drop your boundaries, you have them for a reason.

Quebeks · 2021-09-04T02:11:22+00:00

Focus on my studies, work on my self esteem, and travel by myself. It’s taken 30 years to finally feel comfortable in my own skin and I wish would’ve attained this sense of awesomeness in my teens/20s.

throwaway26472 · 2021-09-04T03:10:32+00:00

Dont have sex unless youre turned on... it will ruin your relationship with it. To the point that you'll be turned off by sex...

Also, dont date someone just because it's convenient... youre losing out on a lot because of him.

NotMyRealName814 · 2021-09-04T05:41:08+00:00

This was a tough lesson for me but I'd advise my younger self to not be afraid to report my rape to the authorities and to not fear reprisal for reporting sexual harassment at work.

CraftyOvaries · 2021-09-04T01:03:33+00:00

This!

Not to be so into dating. I spent my youth in a "chasing" state. I missed things in life I could have enjoyed. It was being drilled into my head that I must not be single, that something was wrong with me, and why was I not with someone? I would give everything to go back in time, and I mean everything. If I had one wish, it would be to go back in time, and tell myself about attachment trauma, go to school for psych right away, enjoy life, and to stop centering life around dating.

I am lucky to have had awesome friends around the journey, but dating and not being alone was so much at the forefront of my mind, I missed out on things in life.

Better late than never.

(I am working on a 4th degree right now).

Also, let go of shit. Do not stress or worry so much about what others think--even if they are cutting you down. What sickened me second most is when I think about the women I worked at in jobs who are so terrible--they give you false information, tell you some people are bad when they are not, and then cut you down--a double whammy to isolate you and leave you unsupported.

Never trust someone who cuts someone else down at your work place whom you have just met--take pause in that moment as well. Odds are, she is talking shit about you too.

BasieSkanks · 2021-09-04T07:25:38+00:00

If you have to post on Reddit/ask strangers about your relationship, it's over.

fds_throwaway_4_u · 2021-09-04T01:30:12+00:00

Don’t waste any time on men. Focus on studying and career building.

RedditReader0168 · 2021-09-04T02:30:22+00:00

Check your bank statements every month. Runa yearly credit report.

SupermarketObvious92 · 2021-09-04T07:06:28+00:00

Listen to yourself and yourself only. Most people are stupid, naive and/or do not have your best interests at heart.

ALysistrataType · 2021-09-03T16:11:23+00:00

I'd tell myself that there will never be a shortage of men and to focus on school. I'd tell myself to choose an entirely different career and give her a list of men who will enter her life whom she must at all costs avoid lol.

frito2103 · 2021-09-03T16:50:38+00:00

I'd tell her stick to her deal breakers because they weren't irrational at all and would have saved her a lot of time.

FDSMama · 2021-09-03T16:50:44+00:00

I would have clued my younger self in that my parents were not healthy examples and to learn what a healthy relationship looks like before getting into one.

notorious_art · 2021-09-03T17:19:52+00:00

Trust your gut. Even when your head says something different, your heart and gut always knew. Listen to them.

Self-care isn’t selfish, and boundaries are tools that help you protect yourself and the people you love beat.

SolunaJune · 2021-09-04T16:38:46+00:00

Fitness, fitness, fitness. Loving yourself for you. Get therapy because you have good health insurance. Find a career that's not a desk job. Stay away from IT. And just don't bother with men, they'll ruin your self-esteem. And your brother is an asshole and a monster, his opinions have negative value in your life and they are not accurate. Work hard, save money, don't go into debt.

Now I'm 38 with high blood pressure, 70lbs overweight, in misogyny-laden career I hate. I might be autistic and/or have ADHD. I need therapy now more than ever. I have zero health insurance and desperately need to go to a doctor. I'm debt ridden and I'm forced to live with my parents.

Please, if you are in your early twenties, learn from us older women. Don't think you won't make the same mistakes, be vigilant, always check yourself on your own bullshit.

hksguk · 2021-09-03T16:31:09+00:00

i would refrain from dating someone older than me (5 years and more). wish i knew those men werent more mature or had their shit tgt, because they obviously didnt!! if a man cant/dont date someone in their age group; huge red flag!!!!

GCFDSthrowaway · 2021-09-04T15:27:04+00:00

Quit worrying about whether or not they like you. Do you like them? Honestly, 90% of the time the answer was no, but you'da thought younger me was auditioning for a role (which... I suppose I was). View them with a critical eye, and if they don't meet your criteria (oh, and please have some criteria!), cast them back into the sea.🐬

everwonderlust · 2021-09-07T23:27:45+00:00

Unless a man proves himself worth to be the father of my children and a husband, do not continue dating him!! Approach dating as looking for the one, disqualify all men that do not fit that category in the slightest. Prioritise making money over dating losers who you know are pieces of shit. Prioritise your friendships and looking for HVW to be friends with.

Title	I’m really curious to know..
Author	Thestral-glow6
Upvotes	204
Comments	62
Date	September 3, 2021 3:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ph7igk/im_really_curious_to_know/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-really-curious-to-know.1067096 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067096

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