An experiment in hypergamy/polygamy theory

wtknight · 2020-09-01T13:41:11+00:00

I’m in love with my wife. If I weren’t, I still wouldn’t cheat. I’d try to work things out through counseling. We made vows, after all.

usa_foot_print · 2020-09-01T14:39:48+00:00

Man who has been married 7 years. I don't cheat because honestly it would break me if she were upset or sad from me doing it. I love her that much. Also, I wouldn't want my son being potentially raised in a broken home.

leftwingrightwingall · 2020-09-01T13:59:41+00:00

Because the vast majority of human beings aren't psychopaths, feel guilt and shame and have a concept of fairness. Therein, they never employ hypergamy or polygamy.

Update: I have some female friends (5) who are almost 10 years younger than me. Only one of them gets laid. Only two of them use dating apps as a sort of a validation tactic & haven't been on a date in years. Mind you they are all well educated with masters degrees, just no one is asking them out IRL. They complain about this to me sometimes. There's a reason tinder skews heavily male.

The black welfare queens stereotype is true but the vast majority, 95% of black people are not the welfare queens. They work hard. The slut and whore and player skew the idea of what a (wo)man is to many of your social media addled brains.

yasee · 2020-09-01T13:59:56+00:00

I haven't met anyone "better" but I've met people I could see myself dating. so has he. we like each other a lot and we appreciate what we have ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-09-01T14:16:43+00:00

I feel like he’s the best guy that I have been with compared to my ex boyfriends and the relationship is the best I have had.

Not interested in throwing that away. The grass may look greener but that’s because it’s fertilized with the fantasy of something new and better. And we all know that fantasy is better than reality.

AllInWithAces · 2020-09-01T14:38:09+00:00

Humans value the safety of a routine far more than the potential of a better relationship. Look at how many people stay in obviously horrible relationships because they’re caught up in the sunken cost fallacy and unable to think about a relationship rationally.

Many relationships exist simply because they met that person first and decided to settle. The fear of being alone takes care of the rest.

Barely-moral · 2020-09-01T14:44:33+00:00

Men who’ve been with their woman a long time and don’t cheat: Why? Is it because you can’t find anyone to cheat with? Or is it something else?

Personal conviction and personal convenience.

Personal conviction: I have my own codes and I am strict when following it. I don't break my word. I said I will not cheat. I said I will do my best to make miss moral happy. I said I will do my best to not hurt miss moral.

Personal convenience: Miss moral is in a particular position in my life, she is an important and permanent part of my life. Anything that affects her in a negative way is something that affects me in a negative way. So doing anything that can hurt her or make her feel bad in any way is something that hurts me, she is a part of my life.

Personal convenience part 2: Since she is an important part of my life, investing the time and effort that I would have to use to cheat has an opportunity cost: all that time and effort could have been used in miss moral (an important part of my life) instead of being spent on a random human that I don't care about.

Personal convenience part 3: My only objective in life is having one long-lasting LTR that ends either with my death or the death of my partner (without any of us killing each other because that would defeat the purpose)

I know it doesn't sound romantic but I don't have any sense of guilt so I did what I can to create a functional replacement for it.

Reisiluu · 2020-09-01T19:10:21+00:00

Because I love him and I want him in my life. I can't imagine ever finding someone who would be more worth it.

What's hypergamy anyways? Deciding that you can't find someone better, or deciding that you can find someone better?

12112019 · 2020-09-01T14:45:15+00:00

Men who’ve been with their woman a long time and don’t cheat: Why? Is it because you can’t find anyone to cheat with? Or is it something else?

I know I'm atypical to answer this but the first 10 years of our relationship or so were 100% monogamous and I never once attempted to cheat. Perhaps that why I introduced swinging on some level, since I wanted to do more things sexual but didn't want to do it by cheating.

I don't think I would have cheated had she said no to swinging, but obviously I can't know that for sure. I think this because right now I'm turning down an attractive and fun as hell woman 20 years younger than I am from being my side piece, with my wifes 100% approval because it feels like cheating. My wife is still my #1.

Maybe my lifestyle as a sexual outlet kept me from cheating, I kinda wish I knew.

death_by_1000_cats · 2020-09-01T17:02:12+00:00

We've been together for 9 years, married for 3. I love him and he makes my life better. We've spent almost our entire adulthoods together and it's hard to imagine life without him. I know saying "he's my world" is cheesy and cliche but he genuinely is. Our lives are entirely intertwined and he is one of the few foundational truths and constants of my life.

I don't even get to the point where I consider whether a given man would be better for me because I don't allow myself to get that close to men who aren't my husband. I'm a realist, not a romantic. I don't believe my husband is my soulmate or that he has some mystical quality that makes him better for me than any other man on Earth. Intellectually I know there are men out there who could be just as good for me or maybe better in some respects. But shared history is important to me and at the end of the day my husband is the man I've built my life around for nearly a decade. That's the one thing I can say about him that I know I can't say about any other man, and that's very valuable to me.

princessangelbaby_ · 2020-09-01T17:30:58+00:00

Yeah, I have never met a better man and I don't see how I ever will. I have zero interest in other men.

WilliamWyattD · 2020-09-01T14:14:40+00:00

This is not a real test, as anyone who thinks that the hypergamous or polygamous urge is absolute is nuts. They do exist of course, but they can be mastered. Being aware of them is helpful in mastering them when you don't have some other social or belief structure to help you do it without actually knowing it.

What people forget here is that the point of getting together as man and woman is to make each other better and to learn to like and appreciate one another. All these base instincts that we have that are hard to control, such as sexual attraction etc., are meant to eventually be overcome and managed--channeled to make the relationship stronger. Sex itself was never the goal.

CatchPhraze · 2020-09-01T16:22:09+00:00

I love him. He smells good. Ofc I see men who are "more" then him from time to time in one way or another but he's more then enough for me.

c_dolly · 2020-09-01T19:31:04+00:00

Because I love him.

There will always be someone better, taller, richer, funnier but there won't be another him. He is amazing, we shared beautiful memories and he makes my life all around better.

I have no reason to leave him.

Priscacara · 2020-09-01T20:18:58+00:00

I stay with my SO because I am crazy in love with him after all this time. My motives are internal.

jkonrad · 2020-09-01T15:20:03+00:00

Integrity. Honor. Pride. The usual things.

AdolfGandi · 2020-09-01T16:28:43+00:00

Stop showing a healthy understanding of people not based in bitterness and pain. It's really jarring when you do that here, complete tonal shift.

eveleaf · 2020-09-01T22:26:03+00:00

The question itself seems bizarre. I love my husband more than anything else. He's literally my favorite person and I feel lucky to be with him.

I can't imagine doing anything so foolish and self-destructive as you're asking. I'd destroy my life. Beside the very real issue of devastating the person I love most.

AllInWithAces · 2020-09-01T14:27:42+00:00

Men are only as loyal as their options. Most men don't have options

Fichek · 2020-09-01T14:34:14+00:00

That kinda phrasing makes it difficult to have an honest discussion, don't you think.

It's like saying "This is what makes you a piece of shit. Could you explain in detail why you are such a piece of shit?"

Are you actually expecting honest answers to this kind of setup even with the shroud of anonymity?

alrightpal · 2020-09-01T15:34:07+00:00

Why are you asking the guys if they haven’t cheated but not the women? Lol

kwalden2 · 2020-09-01T16:56:30+00:00

Why do I stay with my husband? Can't call it a long time, but for my age it certainly has been a very long relationship. We are still young.

Idk what other men are out there, not really. How could I when I am putting my time into building my career and my marriage with my partner? I have fun and shared goals with my husband. It is always worth it to come home to him instead of meeting other men. It's always worth it to talk to him instead of texting others. I don't even question whether he is "the best I can get." It is glaringly obvious to me that his effort makes it worth it for me to stay. There is never a question because I'm just generally happy with him. He puts in effort and listens, and I do the same for him. We treat each other as equals. That in itself makes me happy, so I keep on doing what's amazing for us.

You might as well ask "why do you stay on vacation as long for ad long as you paid your ticket?". I put in effort for this relationship, and into weeding out duds before. We both paid for our vacation stay with blood, sweat, and tears! This is finally the fun part! This is where all the absolutely broken relationships become worth it. I am reaping the rewards of my efforts. I'm reaping a happy and equal relationship. This is the trip I booked. I meant to book it, and it is to my satisfaction. Sure, I still occasionally have to pull out my card on the trip rom time to time. I might have to deal with troublesome in-laws, take care of him when he is sick, or miss an event to do what he wants. Well, this is my vacation. I'm not butthurt that it costs- of course it does. It's never a grueling workweek. I'm not bending backwards over for The Man in my relationship. I know the difference. What's to leave? I might as well be playing at the beach drinking mojitos or something.

relish5k · 2020-09-01T17:36:18+00:00

I stay because I've never met a better man. Because there is no better man. I have the best man. I am a lucky lady.

My husband doesn't cheat on me (I am fairly confident about this), because he has better things to do then to chase tail. Like seriously, between work, meal prep, socializing, hobbies, chores who has the time for cheating? When does all this cheating happen? He doesn't travel for work so I guess there's that!

DebatePony · 2020-09-01T19:04:19+00:00

I started dating my husband when we were 14. We got married at 22 and didn't break up or "take a break" that entire time. We are now in our 30's.

We stayed together because we love each other. We, of course, have had trying and difficult times but we always worked them out together instead of letting them tear us apart. I've never met someone who was better for me than my husband. That doesn't mean I haven't met more handsome, or taller, or career motivated, or whatever, and while some of those were even interested in me I just wasn't interested in them. Sure, they may have had the potential to make more money in the future or were more stable, but none of them were my husband (boyfriend whatever).

I'm sure that my husband has met plenty of more beautiful/driven women in his life but he's with me because we love each other and equally desire to make our relationship work.

Prismatic_Symphony · 2020-09-01T20:48:28+00:00

Single now but I've been in past relationships that lasted several years. Like most guys, my eyes notice other attractive women. But I don't cheat cause:

- Cause I said I wouldn't, and I value my word.

- Not interested in risk of STD's or unplanned kids.

- Condoms would usually be necessary to avoid the above, but the difference in sensation is enough that it's not worth the trouble. MORE work, for WORSE sex? That's super dumb.

- Don't wanna hurt my partner, either emotionally or physically if I were to catch something and give it to her.

- I like our sex being "special." Not that I don't think I'd enjoy sex with a rando, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much without the emotional connection. An actual affair could have a good emotional connection, but then you're worried about getting caught, or that the affair partner turns on you or whatever.

- I value simplicity in life and cheating can only complicate things. Life is hard enough as it is! Why spend the mental energy it takes to lie and keep a false story going?

To me, there's almost no reason to cheat, and not worth the trouble. If we're having issues, I'm a freaking adult and can discuss it and/or just break up. I value closure and having a clean break.

octocombo · 2020-09-01T21:02:16+00:00

I have never met anyone who I think would be a better fit for me, and the longer we live and grow together the more difficult it will become to find anyone who fits me as well, because I place a high value on knowledge of each other and comfort with each other and how we’ve influenced each other’s values and perspectives.

There are definitely people who are more compatible on one dimension or who have more wealth/status/skills/looks (tbh I know people who have more of all of those at once than my partner has, including one who I briefly dated but dumped because he annoyed and frustrated me with his values), but why would I have any interest in jumping ship and committing to them when I’m already happy?

i_have_a_semicolon · 2020-09-02T00:08:36+00:00

There is no "better man" since i cannot know if any man has better intangible qualities as the man i decided to spend my life with. The only way to find out would be to date them, which would involve cheating, which is a no go

Ticket-Different · 2020-09-02T15:39:46+00:00

Because I love him. And he loves me. He never showed me any signs of disrespect, never screamed at me. He is my best friend and I'm his.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2020-09-03T06:19:36+00:00

I've never had a hard time finding women to sleep with, and since I met my fiance things just got easier... Damn the girl of my dreams aproached me with tinny clothes in my own house few years ago and I said "No, this is wrong. What the hell do you think you are doing? I'm going to marry your cousin."

Honestly, I think I'm throwing away my best years here, but hell my fiance worths the sacrifice.

But not gonna lie, sometimes I fantasize about being single again. Man I miss those old days.

But I love my fiance. Damn it. I love her.

VariationBusiness · 2020-09-01T17:07:00+00:00

So much virtue signalling from the men here. Or maybe they actually believe their "honorable code" bullshit. These guys just straight up don't have the opportunity to have no strings attached sex with other beautiful women or they'd be doing it.

As a man of options in a LTR who actually has had the opportunity to cheat dozens of times, I've only taken the opportunity a handful of times over the years. This isn't because of my moral virtue, but because of how many things need to line up right and the risk/reward.

The biggest issue with cheating is you are putting a lot of trust in the other person to not ruin your life. You're handing over a lot of control to someone you don't know very well. And this doubles for cheating when out with your buddies. I have had to turn down some absolute bombshells I was flirting with at the bar because I do not trust for a second that my guy friends wouldn't tell their spouses and have that get back to my girl.

So while new pussy is always tempting. You kinda need a scenario where you have a reason to not be home, the girl is outside of your professional and social circles, and the girl is also down for casual sex without much dating or a one night stand.

It's rare to have all these things align. Usually only doable business trips and out of town weekends.

For longer term affair partners close to home. Forget it. That can work for women cause a lot of men don't want more than the sex. But I have never met a woman that was excited or happy about being a guys side chick. All the side girls think they can steal him to have a relationship together. But being just the hookup girl while he has a wife/gf that gets all the relationship benefits is like the female version of a cuck.

HighTMale12 · 2020-09-01T13:28:44+00:00

Self reporting about hypergamy is less than useless.

Most females wont admit they will monkey branch due to hypergamy due to it making them look bad in perception.

Ergo, most women will find another "excuse" to dump their old boyfriend for someone "better" that doesn't involve admitting to hypergamy.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2020-09-01T17:43:45+00:00

Comparing "cheating" and "hypergamy" is nonsense. The former causes harm, and is always harmful based on betrayal, diminished self-control and moral laziness, which may be a sign of imbalance behavorially on the physiological level at most if at all, but this is correlated as a side effect with other illnesses and issues such as empathy and impulsivity disorders (mostly environmentally formed), untreated addictions, ASPD, NPD, etc. There is no "cheat" gene unique to males or "hypergamy gene" unique to females aka biologically deterministic inevitability regarding this crap. The latter isn't a "moral" issue nor is it necessary betrayal to break-up with someone and leave them before betrayal is done, because no breach of monogamy has happened. 'Hurt feelings from a break-up because fewer options' is irrelevant to this fact.

What's even the issue with just "leaving"? What are people so afraid of? Let's say the woman or man leaves, who cares. As usual, we believe the Red Pills religious claims of hocus pocus scientism scare tactics and hysteria from PTSD sufferers has any interesting scientific merit on these two topics.

DownVotesWrongsOnly · 2020-09-02T03:46:56+00:00

No, full stop. Back it up. Why would you do those things? Do you think you will not be judged for your actions?

DaphneDK42 · 2020-09-02T11:42:11+00:00

We have kids. Getting a bit of pussy on the side is not worth ruining the life of my children. Pussy is just so-so anyway. Generally overrated. Also my wife is quite beautiful and gives me all the sex I want when I want it.

richlad · 2020-09-02T11:44:27+00:00

I've noticed people stuck at crappy jobs.

I've sent people working in the same degree for years.

People grow complacent and lose their focus of acquiring high state.

This is a major problem with them. What you might be thinking as your friend's loyality towards his wife might simply be inability to imagine himself achieving anything more than that.

Now lot of people don't have such self imposed limits and they are better at ruthlessly purusing what they want in life, sometimes those suceeed and you've people like Leonardo DiCaprio who is living proof.

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-09-02T12:24:45+00:00

When I was married I didn't cheat because I didn't see the appeal or satisfaction of sex with anyone aside from my first and only.

Now I hate her because evidently she didn't feel the same way and so a relationship or sex simply won't be fulfilling to me at anyway, but then neither is the single life. Something I really want to learn from these branch-swingers is whether it's really possible to be happy with someone if there aren't any 'first-time tingles'. How much better do they need to be to make up for it?

Gravel_Roads · 2020-09-02T14:46:32+00:00

I've known my partner for over 20 years. We have an open relationship, but frankly neither of us has even looked for another partner in years. We just like each other enough that we don't really want anyone else.

TheJim66 · 2020-09-01T14:12:52+00:00

Because I'm making a conscious choice no to.

The problem with hyper gamy, even if the woman chooses not to cheat she won't be able to stay attracted to hubby if he fails the hypergamy test. Which is destructive for the relationship.This isn't such a problem with polygyny because the man is still attracted to wifey, he just also wants to bang other women. As long as he controls himself and doesn't cheat, the relationship will be fine.

The difference between them is that hypergamy deals with a feeling while polygyny deals with an action.

janearcade · 2020-09-01T14:21:56+00:00

Because I am married to an incredible man , and we both value each other and continue to grow and develop, together and independantly. There is nothing that would drive me to cheat and throw away the life we have built for ourself and our children.

Smoogs2 · 2020-09-01T14:50:00+00:00

Men who’ve been with their woman a long time and don’t cheat: Why? Is it because you can’t find anyone to cheat with? Or is it something else?

Even though I haven't made any vows (yet), I still value my own integrity. If I make some kind of commitment, then I try to keep that.

That's not to say I necessarily don't want to though. I fantasize about banging other chicks regularly. I don't watch porn very often, but still do.

spacechicken1990 · 2020-09-01T16:49:09+00:00

Because when I was with my partner (6-7 yrs) I wasn’t looking for anyone else & was in love.

Most humans are half decent and don’t act like the Streamen trp makes them out to be.

With my current so I’ve had multiple chances to cheat, I never even considered it for a second.

AnarchoNAP · 2020-09-02T00:53:14+00:00

Women who’ve been with their man a long time: why do you stay? Is it because you’ve never met a “better man?” Or is it something else?

Clearly this post ignores all sense of ethics, emotion, and morality so I'll give a pragmatic answer:

Many women who leave their husbands are seemingly under the impression that they get a time machine with the divorce. They don't expect to be 37 year old divorced women. They expect to be single 25 year old childless women. Fuck if I know why. If you have an IQ above 83 you will realize that whatever man you got to marry you when you were single, much younger, and possibly a few kids lighter is MUCH better than any man who you can get to buy a second hand much older wife. The choices you have at that state are NOT the choices you had in your youth.

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diacylglycerol82 · 2020-09-01T22:03:47+00:00

From the man's perspective I will say the following.

An inability to find someone else- Only really when under 30, your sex drive tends to die down so you focus on more umportant things in life.

If you have kids a desire to stick around and not be seen as a deadbeat or abandoning them.

Probably the major reason is financial, namely fear of alimony, but also inability to maintain two households in the event of seperation. So many men stay around because they cant afford to leave.

LowCreddit · 2020-09-01T19:58:12+00:00

I don't cheat mostly because I have never been a cheater before. Even in my manwhore days I didn't. I find that its an intrinsic quality in men. Some men won't cheat and some do it continuously their entire lives. The only exception to that is men who get deadbedroomed by their wives, and they usually feel guilty.

As for my wife, I am stuck with her since children are involved now. My personal happiness is secondary. Thankfully, our sex life has been pretty good even seven years in. If she did one day deadbedroom me, I would absolutely sleep with other women. Hopefully it won't come down to that.

SaBahRub · 2020-09-01T22:30:51+00:00

Hypergamy just means breaking up/divorce

Title	An experiment in hypergamy/polygamy theory
Author	poppy_blu
Upvotes	16
Comments	171
Date	September 1, 2020 1:21 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ikk50k/an_experiment_in_hypergamypolygamy_theory/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/an-experiment-in-hypergamypolygamy-theory.212929 https://theredarchive.com/post/212929

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