[DISCUSSION] Dating as a guy

nevomintoarce · 2019-07-25T13:22:52+00:00

Your dates are not open to you and you have no chemistry.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-07-25T12:07:09+00:00

Talking about your work and education can be excruciating if it’s done in that 20 questions way that relatives you haven’t seen in a while do to find out where you are in life.

Instead of an interview date, go to a movie or museum or show first, then have dinner and talk about what you just saw. Make something else the center of attention and don’t put each other on the spot.

hiilive · 2019-07-25T13:02:10+00:00

How tf are you asking people out if it’s hard not to be creepy about it?

Also, it’s cool that you’ve made women the common denominator here. It could just as well be that the common denominator is you. That they think the date is akward and want to leave, and are happy when there’s no second date invitation. Or, it could obviously also be that you go for a very specific type of woman, and you could ask yourself why you’ve only been attracted to women who are dull. All my girlfriends get excited when they talk, show interest and passion and are just lively and social people.

thatnomadsucks · 2019-07-25T13:00:45+00:00

I feel ya man.

Don't worry if you're creeping them out. It's not intentional so you'll learn with experience.

Women do have personalities. Just not the ones you're dating. Give the boring girls a hard pass. I've had a few excruciating dates too. Don't know how it's possible for people to not form personalities, but it is and it's painful to experience.

I think the key is to be cool alone and build the confidence that goes with it. That way you'll focus on finding women that add value to your life, not suck the life out of you.

wtknight · 2019-07-25T12:30:55+00:00

This sub is full of women who are interesting conversationalists. They’re obviously out there. I’ve always had good luck meeting interesting women online. Not on dating sites but in places like message boards and chat rooms.

[deleted] · 2019-07-25T14:21:35+00:00

You'll find ppl w hobbies out doing their hobbies yeah

Go learn to ride or dance or take an art class or smthg, tons of women at all of those. Toastmasters, philosophy nights or free lectures put on by universities, whatever

It's super inefficient to approach randoms you have no info about and hope that theyre interesting

blackedoutfast · 2019-07-25T18:28:35+00:00

you're low value and unattractive and these women aren't interested in you. these very same women who are monotonous and boring (or creeped out) with you are bubbly and excited and heart eye emoji with other dudes.

you need to realize that a lot of women will agree to go on dates with guys that they have zero real interest/attraction to. sometimes it's because they are hoping that maybe they'll like you better if they get to know you. but usually it's because they want a free meal and/or they are worried that you might be the type to flip out and cause drama if they give you a hard "no" rejection. then they either flake or just grind through the boring date with the boring guy to get a free meal and hope that you won't ask for another one. that's probably the explanation for most of your "boring" girls and shitty dates.

trying to pick up girls in different environments could possibly help you, but you should also try to increase the chances that girls are actually attracted to you and not just trying to get a free meal by increasing your SMV. you need to be the prize, and if they think you are the kind of guy that they need to pursue, they will make a lot more effort to be interesting.

also, don't invest a lot of time/effort/money into your dates with random chicks you just met. don't take a girl to some fancy restaurant on a first date, that's retarded. just meet up somewhere for drinks/coffee or something lowkey like that. if the date sucks, it's easy to eject and not waste a lot of time/money. and if it goes well you can easily extend the date by moving somewhere else

and realize that most girls are going to have different passions and interests than you. and often when people do have interests/hobbies that are very important to them, sometimes it makes them uncomfortable to share a lot about it with other people that they don't know well. and don't fake interest in something that you're not really interested in.

and if you say things like "oh wow great i don't know anything about drawing but please tell me more" that can kind of seem like a contrived bullshitty thing you're saying just because you want to fuck a chick. it's kind of like how a lot of salesmen will do that thing where they act super interested in whatever you say in a really over the top way bc they're trying to suck up to you so you will buy whatever shit they're selling. you may be giving off those kind of vibes

sparksjoy · 2019-07-25T12:20:25+00:00

Ime interesting people attract interesting, boring people attract boring. Humans have a natural tendency to think of ourselves/our interests as the most fascinating shit that has ever graced this earth. You can quickly find out whether that is actually the case by seeing what kinds of people are drawn to you.

decoy88 · 2019-07-25T20:10:44+00:00

From reading your comments in this thread I’m gonna say I think you’re a bad conversationalist, looking for women who structure their conversations in a very particular way.

My only advice is to keep trying

CainPrice · 2019-07-25T12:17:02+00:00

Quit being boring. What's interesting to you is boring to women.

If you want friends and deep philosophical conversations about shared interests, hang out with guys. If you're horny and want to make small talk for an hour over drinks and go home for sex, meet girls.

You don't want to date your best friend. If a woman needs to be your best friend and main social outlet, in addition to also being your girlfriend, that spreads her pretty thin. She's going to do none of those things well and resent you for burdening her with all of those needs and expectations.

If you have your own friends and social life and just use your girlfriend as a girlfriend, she'll be a great girlfriend.

praisethesun799 · 2019-07-25T16:38:07+00:00

Yuck, what's this obsession with women's hobbies ? Find a woman with whom you have great chemistry and the conversation will flow by itself . The focus on "interesting personality and hobbies and conversation " sounds like you're looking for a friend .

officerkondo · 2019-07-25T15:18:30+00:00

I mean asking someone who you have never talked to before out. Like being in the mindset of "I want to have a beer and a conversation with someone. Who should I ask? Wait! It is creepy if I just ask that."

Do you know how to talk to people? You don't just walk up to a woman and ask her out (unless you are drop-dead hot). You strike up a conversation, cultivate interest, gauge if interest is there, and if so, you propose a date.

It's like you've never dealt with a salesman. They don't just walk up to you and blurt out, "buy this!" They schmooze you. "Man, eating corn on the cob sure is tough, huh? There has to be a better way, man."

buartha · 2019-07-25T18:31:52+00:00

There are a number of possible reasons for this.

a/ she's just not that into you

b/ she's shy and dislikes the focus being on her (I was like this when I was dating)

c/ her work/ hobby/ degree either isn't that interesting to outsiders, is highly technical and she doesn't want to waste her time explaining it to you like a child, or is something she thinks about all day at work/ Uni and doesn't want to have to rehash it with you as well. I work in research and enjoy it but it can be stressful and I find it testing when people ask me specifics about my work as it takes up enough of my headspace as it is.

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-07-25T12:48:06+00:00

Secondly, in the rare occasions that the girl is not creeped out and agrees I find that their personality is as stale as blue cheese. What has happened!? Where have these girls been all this time? Don't they have hobbies? Aren't they excited about things?

you seem to have found the biggest issue with modern women. they suffer from basic bitchitis

Why are you looking at me for entertainment!?

thats what dating is for many of them. Entertain me

Littleknownfacts · 2019-07-25T11:58:37+00:00

Whhhhaaa?! Let me get this straight.... Your a man... That's not interested in what women do or say?! That's just crazy! Insanity! Because I'm so sure those girls were 100% interested in your Marvel vs DC rant since men and women are interested in exactly the same things all time. You know what you should do? You should try to teach her some better hobbies, like computer programming. She would love that!

/S, obviously.

decoy88 · 2019-07-25T20:00:16+00:00

Dude. Girls are shy too! Do people forget women can be nervous and hesitant on dates?

goatismycopilot · 2019-07-25T15:19:12+00:00

Part of the reason you are encountering this lack of verbal passion describing hobbies is that the women who are passionate about their hobbies are spending time and effort on their hobbies and discussing them in a passionate way with other people who share their niche. So you are picking low energy women who then do not regal you with tales of their passions and possibly because that is who you were in a relationship previously. So some chick who is way into something like art or rock climbing or surfing or whatever isn't going to date you to begin with. I saw where you listed a bunch of hobbies and among them were movies and comic books, I do not see how that is any different that basic bitch Netflix which is something guys here hate. The problem is that some guys assume their hobbies are fascinating and the hobbies other people have are shit. Everything you described is pretty basic

philomexa · 2019-07-25T15:37:14+00:00

My two biggest hobbies are professional wrestling and poetry. I could spend HOURS talking about professional wrestling, there is so much about it that is great for deep dive discussions.

However when I'm on a first date, I won't want to go into a deep dive discussion about wrestling, I want to flirt, banter, feel sexy, laugh, and touch.

Getting lost in a discussion about wrestling is something I do before the date, when I'm getting to know a stranger and feeling out chemistry. If we can have a 2 hour convo about the failures of WWE booking circa 2008-2015 during our first meeting, then I'll absolutely go on a date with a dude; but once I'm on that date I don't want to talk about that any more, I want to feel a vibe, speak in sexual innuendo, and giggle.

I don't want an interview, I don't want to talk about ideas; these are not things that make girls feel sexy, open, and passionate.

angels-fan · 2019-07-25T15:13:44+00:00

The state of dating is that men are dancing monkeys that must entertain the female sufficiently enough that she might choose you to mate with.

Females are not required to put in any effort. They simply judge whether your dancing is sufficient.

TRP is here to tell you these unpleasant truths. I never said it would be easy, Neo. Welcome to the desert of the real world.

It's honestly exhausting.

TheJim66 · 2019-07-25T12:09:08+00:00

You are a man of my heart.I honestly don't care about that passion crap ,but the problem is that most women are really bad conversationalists and boring.9 times out of 10 they got no other interest other than work/education and Instagram .And although most women talk a lot, they really don't know how to steer a conversation and make the whole topic dull.

Kizzou · 2019-07-25T14:42:12+00:00

This is just something have to accept within the dating world and go from there. Both men and women are generally boring. I have gone on too many dates where the woman was boring as hell but I made the date fun by guiding the convo and giving off a fun/positive vibe.

In these moments where you feel like you're talking to a tree, just keep doing your thing; asking questions and bringing up topics you find interesting/fun until something maybe catches her. You can also ask more open-ended questions or even bring up topics that result in an open-ended discussion. Keep it fun. Play games with her like "fuck, kill, and marry" while you are out drinking coffee or grabbing a drink. Make it fun and have fun. Focus on yourself having a good time.

In all, the "dilemma" you present of the boring ass woman is why I keep the first date simple; coffee or a beer, to assess if she can have a basic/fun conversation.

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2019-07-26T02:57:22+00:00

Any girl will be comfortable opening up to a guy that she's interested in...

Girls will gladly be outgoing and lively for an attractive guy she wants to woo.

The problem is you.

And ditto to some comments saying they don't want a serious conversation on a date. Girls go on dates to HAVE FUN AND LET LOOSE. You're obviously making it seem prim and proper or too serious and strained. I've had many successful dates and none of them involve me talking about my hobbies in depth or whatever. I'm not going on a date to explain my life to them. I'm going on a date to have fun and laugh.

Stop blaming others and take responsibility for your own personality, sir.

Blexit2020 · 2019-07-26T07:16:49+00:00

Say the following as soon as you see her:

Been watching you baby. For a long time. You look so good. Got my eyes on you.

I've been watching you for so very long. Trying to get my nerve built up to be so strong. I really want to meet you, but I'm kind of scared. 'Cause you're the kind of lady with so much class. I get my thoughts together for the very next day. But when I see you lady I forget what to say. Your eyes and hair such a beautiful tone. The way you dress and walk it really turns me on.

Come and talk to me. I really want to meet you. Can I talk to you? I really want to know you.

Triadfamilyties · 2019-07-26T21:40:58+00:00

This is a general problem in the dating world and don't take ANYONE out on a date without a few days of engaged conversation on a messenger throughout the day first. That's my rule. I ain't gonna take you to dinner until you spend some time asking me about myself

rumple5skins · 2019-07-25T16:00:43+00:00

They can talk about and think about their hobbies and jobs on their own or with friends. Basic social interactions like conversations are second nature to women, they can do that any time they want, it’s nothing special.

On dates, women are looking for stuff they only get from dates: flirting, tingles, romance, sex - in addition to intelligent-enough conversation to not feel embarrassed by you.

The real world is completely devoid of whimsy and romance, so they want you to conjure that up for them. And yes, it is exhausting as fuck.

A smart woman compartmentalizes dating in such a way that early dates don’t allow for too much information to be gathered about her. Most women have been played before (or worse) and don’t want it to happen again, so they keep their levers hidden until they know they can trust you. So they don’t like talking about their life outside of your little date bubble, they are looking to escape by spending time in a fabricated world where they are the center of reality. Men are too, and that means something different for every single person.

tgertcher · 2019-07-25T13:31:31+00:00

Date ugly girls. They usually have a personality because they actually have to.

Eastuss · 2019-07-25T12:01:16+00:00

after a 4 year long LDR

You mean celibacy with a twist

it is really hard to ask someone out without being a creep.

You're always going to make people uncomfortable no matter what.

I find that their personality is as stale as blue cheese

Since you're probably not Chad they expect you to compensate in other department. Welcome to life as an average man, your SMV is equal to an ugly obese chick.

Well how about you offer something back?

They don't feel like they have to offer back anything, there are plenty of dudes like you who are willing to date them.

However, you might also consider that you're boring, and maybe instead of talking and be interested, they want to laugh, to be flirted to, to be complimented, touched, and to have a penis in them. Seeing how you talk you seem stiff, you seem like you don't have substance, IDK.

First thing I think of a cardboard collection is to gently bully the girl for having such a stupid hobby, and while this seems like being a jerk, most people IRL laugh, because people tease each others all the time, and flirting implies you step in her bubble one way or another.

Where can I find people who have hobbies and are passionate about what they do?

Gay bars.

Your problem is you care too much about others, you're not dating or flirting for others, you're doing it for yourself, try and have fun for yourself, seek and go for your personal pleasure, and people will follow. As you said, you're not their entertainer, but they're not yours either.

Maybe they search a boyfriend to fix them, and that's bad for them, however that will work for them but not for you, so you better be independent, because the fact women aren't isn't an excuse not to be.

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i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-07-25T14:26:03+00:00

Dunno how to help. I always aim to be entertaining , it's just baked into my personality.

flyinghorse1 · 2019-07-25T16:12:01+00:00

Online dating is super easy - try that.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-07-25T16:17:56+00:00

I find that women’s interest in being lively and exciting and fun directly corresponds to how fit I am

Just my experience tho

skystar86 · 2019-07-26T03:36:55+00:00

Everything's considered creepy now. Why worry about something that's just inevitable? Someone somewhere will find it creepy. Get over it because most of these feelings have no logic behind them anyways.

Tomatoccino · 2019-07-26T07:03:27+00:00

What are your hobbies? What are you passionate about? Go and fish in that pool; be passionate about enjoying what you do, and enthuiastic about what your colleagues do. Genuine compliments and constructive help; give her a reason to see a connection.

Also; make sure you don’t pong. Even the hottest man will get a hard next if he has BO or bad breath.

fevertree · 2019-07-26T12:02:12+00:00

Try dating an older woman if you want interesting.

antman333 · 2019-08-10T09:50:18+00:00

I’m a dude, and I’m very private about my hobbies; they’re special to me, and I don’t share them with anyone. If someone pressured me to talk about my hobbies in detail I’d get a bit shy. I don’t want to exposure what I value and treasure to someone I barely know; they could easily misjudge things and make statements which belittle or minimise what I’m passionate about. Perhaps this is what’s happening

NockerJoe · 2019-07-25T16:30:17+00:00

Thats just life. Most women are boring as shit. Some of PPD will say they just aren't that into you but a lot of women have nothing going on except dor being attractive. It's gotten them that far and they've never needed anything else.

undeadko · 2019-07-25T13:51:42+00:00

Speaking of boring hobbies, r/mechmarket is a thing I’ve found quite a few men are very into.

What are your hobbies, OP ? Often times boring people attract other boring people.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-07-25T14:47:16+00:00

I’m starting a depo in 10mins, but this post gave me a great idea for a new post. Thanks! 🙏

jkonrad · 2019-07-26T16:44:20+00:00

Approaching randoms will result in meeting people of varying intellect and interests. You should be in at least a couple large social circles by now, start pulling from those.

As for conversations, it sounds like you need to get better at them. Why do you keep waiting for her to lead? If you’re the superior intellect then lead the conversation, find some common ground or just be interesting talking about yourself.

Or stop picking low class girls.

MMDT · 2019-07-25T12:08:12+00:00

It's not you. Women ain't shit. The only reason they get any attention at all is because of our sex drive.

Akashe88 · 2019-07-25T14:59:25+00:00

What has happened!?

I was just doing laundry earlier. While sorting clothes, from far away, with the right shadowing I accidentally caught a glimpse of my half-naked self in the bathroom mirror. I was thinking to myself "Damn, I could be a stunt double for Henry Cavill!".

Then with full lightning, from another angle, in another mirror I just looked like a decent-looking gym-going guy.

Girls nowadays tend to use heavy makeup, slutty clothes, filters, good angles and curate their online presence on FaceBook, Instagram, etc. with those Henry Cavill pictures, have thousands of followers of thirsty boys, receive so much validation and "love" that almost every single one of them feels ridiculously entitled.

Where have these girls been all this time?

They have always been here. Technology just catalyzed female genetics.

Don't they have hobbies?

No. Not real hobbies anyways. The vast majority of them are just empty party animals and supersluts.

Some of them have pretend hobbies, mainly to make them look more interesting. Like how most gamergirls don't give a fuck about gaming, but are interested in the validation they get from their "gamer" status.

Oh, wait. Travel. A frequent hobby is travel. But it really is just a way to gain status and validation, get pampered, and shit on peers who travel less. (On a male's money, usually)

Aren't they excited about things?

Show them your BMW. They will be excited.

Promise them you'll take them for vacations.

Tell them you are a manager at a nice firm.

Where can I find people who have hobbies and are passionate about what they do?

Those are your male friends, I'm afraid.

I have read here that women look for x, y, z, ... in a man. Well how about you offer something back?

In their eyes they have an inflated value. Pussy is also considered a treasure to give away. They also don't value the things you value. For example, I value intellectual conversations, science, skepticism, some politics, etc. I've never had a proper discussion in these topics with a female. It would be cool if a chick started talking about Star Trek, or the latest microprocessor technology, or the Iranian crisis, or whatever, but that will just never happen.

Why are you looking at me for entertainment!?

In the end, this is the Game in 2019, and has been for quite a while. Play it, do some pump and dumping. Or try to find that unicorn significant other who shares your values and some of your hobbies and interests, only to find out that they are either so rare that they pretty much don't exist, or turn out to be standard issue women mark2 in the end.

welcometothejl · 2019-07-25T16:13:11+00:00

Women have a virtual limitless supply of men who are jumping at a chance to date them. Because of this, many women don't try and it shows in their dull selfish personalities and doughy unappealing bodies. This is why they can't turn these limitless dating opportunities into one long term relationship.

Title	[DISCUSSION] Dating as a guy
Author	undeadko
Upvotes	46
Comments	248
Date	July 25, 2019 11:47 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/chmmek/discussion_dating_as_a_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/discussion-dating-as-a-guy.254742 https://theredarchive.com/post/254742

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