General question for all - and let's discuss honestly: Why do you even want a gf/bf? What is the point? Is it just hormones? Do you comprehend the dept and commitment you are all asking for?

6teeee9 · 2024-03-04T05:36:13+00:00

I want to love, and to feel loved, and it's something important to the future I imagine for myself.

LeHugMonster · 2024-03-04T06:18:24+00:00

Cuddling and hugs. That’s literally it. Also I never really had any irl friends in several years. I have one friend online that’s it. But most of my yearning for a relationship is because I don’t get alot of hugs or snuggles and I may or may not be able to cuddle/snuggle with my friends or kiss them. Friendship wise I wanna do traveling with them mostly and smiling. And I’mma be real, If I cuddled or gave physical affection more with people and they really loved me for guaranteed will solve 99% of the internal debt I have in my heart.

thetruthishere_ · 2024-03-04T05:35:44+00:00

Snuggle, makeout, have sex, spoon, good talks, good laughs, good food together, etc, etc.

Snuggle, makeout, have sex, spoon, I dont do with friends. Just sayin'.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-03-04T05:19:11+00:00

I love my partner in crime. Whether we share the burden of our puppy getting acl surgery, I cook, he does dishes, unlimited sex, my best friend to talk about everything, info dump, discuss societal problems, lament shit days at work, I help him with his DMing DnD, he tags along while I plant shop, he’s a built in best friend I never grow tired of - and I get tired of most humans. We both have fully independent lives but coming together and sharing everything, it’s really awesome. I love doing things for him and it feels awesome when he does stuff for me. We worked really hard at making it a happy, healthy and equitable relationship. I have dated plenty of men, women and NB people and he’s definitely it for me.

gabrielbomfim · 2024-03-04T06:19:38+00:00

at this point i dont even want a gf anymore, im just tired and hurt after so many rejections, thats all

lolthankstinder · 2024-03-04T18:14:42+00:00

Why have friends when you can just watch TV shows and play video games all your life? Have you ever sat down and thought why you need friends? Is it hormones?

KayRay1994 · 2024-03-04T07:05:07+00:00

For me its because I want to share my life with someone and I want them to share their lives with me, I like the concept of two separate units coming together to form one stronger unit, and the active support my partner and I would have for each other towards supporting each other’s futures. Also, sharing in the good moments makes them better.

That all being said, I don’t obsess over it and i’m certainly not gonna force it. I’d 100% rather be single than force a connection with someone or make something work when it clearly won’t

Silver_Past2313 · 2024-03-04T17:23:45+00:00

I want a family

Retrospring · 2024-03-04T05:11:26+00:00

At this point I almost wish I was gay

EulenWatcher · 2024-03-04T04:10:45+00:00

When I was a teen I wanted to date because I was horny and curious. I wanted to experience all the stuff young couples usually do (minus silly drama) and I wanted to have sex. That's how my husband and I met and over time we realized we had deeper connection and were ready to provide a higher level of commitment. I want to spend my life with my husband, specifically this person, because I love him and my life is better with him.

HolidayWhile · 2024-03-04T04:26:19+00:00

Family. Children. Making memories of holidays with all the grandkids running around the house with Christmas carols playing.

Oh wait, I'm thinking beyond next week, so no one cares.

thedarkracer · 2024-03-04T06:44:02+00:00

Wanted to be single but past one year something has happened and I want to be a father so bad.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-03-04T07:53:13+00:00

I mean I would be open to a gf but my wife wouldn't agree

Barely-moral · 2024-03-04T09:41:19+00:00

Disclaimer. I already have a LTR. I will respond from the perspective I had when looking for her.

General question for all - and let's discuss honestly: Why do you even want a gf/bf?

Because every day I remain outside a LTR increases my chances of self deletion.

What is the point? Is it just hormones?

Survival. To be able to live without thinking about the end and how to make it come early.

Do you comprehend the dept and commitment you are all asking for?

Yes.

A ton of people here (let's be real, it's almost all men) bemoan the fact that they have dating woes and can't get laid or can't get a girlfriend. My question is why?

Because it is bad enough to want to end it.

Would you even know what to do with another human being in a committed and serious relationship?

Dedicate my life to improve the life of my partner by any means available to me.

Have you even thought about it?

Yes. Everyday.

I mean realistically?

Yes. I was ready for making a life together with however takes the role I need filled before even meeting said person.

Why do you want a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Survival. To be able to live without thinking about the end and how to make it come early.

Have any of you ever given it any serious thought as to the why instead of just obsessing over the how?

Yes. See above.

YourInsectOverlord · 2024-03-04T16:45:54+00:00

Same reasons I am dating my girlfriend, because I want to give and receive love and affection, have memories and experiences together, to cherish one another, to give and receive happiness. While sex is a great thing to have, its not everything. Having that person you truly love and care about and spending the whole day with them feels like the whole world doesn't exist for a few hours.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-04T07:06:25+00:00

There are people I've met where making them happy has seemed like the only thing that matters, and being able to do that and share my life with one of these people brings me lots of joy.

obviousredflag · 2024-03-04T11:28:22+00:00

I think this thread is more about you than about us. Why don't you tell us why you gave up but still regularly revisit the topic, being unsure if you should try again. If you gave up because of fear of rejection or getting hurt again, or if there really is nothing for you in a relationship, or if your calculation of it being a net negative for your life is actually true and not just influenced by your emotional trauma.

Hubris1998 · 2024-03-04T07:13:11+00:00

You're right. I wouldn't know what to do with her. Women don't want a man; they want a lifestyle. It's the same as when car ads always put an attractive model next to the vehicle. Speaking of, I don't own a car. I don't have my own place, a group of friends, or even a stable job. I can be pleasant and charming and my looks are decent too, but I'm afraid that won't cut it. So I guess I should just give up and start pursuing hookups, though I don't think my personality is suited for that. Anyway, why do I want a GF? Ton of reasons. But mainly for the affection, companionship, sex, and just intimacy in general. It's that simple. I want someone to cuddle with. People don't just want but need to feel loved and cared for in order to function correctly and become the best version of themselves. And if there are toxic deadbeat assholes out there who are getting that sort of commitment from someone, to suggest that I don't deserve it is simply offensive.

Tywinlol · 2024-03-04T04:54:58+00:00

In ideal world to have a family, children, life-long best friend for whom I would go though hell and back, and who would do the same for me. To bad it is practically impossible to achieve today.
On societal level to perpetuate community, its values, ensure its very survival. On individual level same but on smaller scale. Our cells want to multiple and compel us to reproduce.
Any serious, long term commitment, not just romantic ltr, is build on a lot more then just hormones/feelings. Which is why in most cases such commitments become institutionalized by society. Be it professional life, joining the military, participation in politics. The problem with current romantic scene, cultural and social, is that only one gender is supposed to have obligations and costs while the other gets all the benefits, no responsibilities and can do no wrong.
Oh I perfectly understand the dept of the commitment. I seen it in the relationship of my grandparents, who were together for 50 years, who went though multiple wars, persecution, all kinds of poverty and depravation, and still managed to build incredibly successful live together and rise to the top of the society because they always had each other, stood against the world, back to back in their darkest moments. There is nothing more beautiful then that relationship. I mourn the fact that in all likelihood I will never experience relationship like that. It is simply impossible to have today with the spoiled whores, who thinks that breaking the nail is the sign that world is ending and who are willing to breakup over a bad dream. Long story short majority of females today are simply impossible to love, they don't posses right qualities for it, they don't even know what it is. It's why I despise them so much.

Mental_Leek_2806 · 2024-03-05T00:24:54+00:00

If I'm honest, it's because I'm lonely and have struggled to make close friends / create a social support system in my new city. And because people around me seem to keep telling me that I should be in a committed relationship with the end goal of marriage. I guess I've been losing everything that makes me, me, and throwing myself into a relationship would be the final nail in that coffin. Also, hormones

rejected-again · 2024-03-05T00:49:29+00:00

I want the validation to know I can get an attractive woman to like me. It's not about sex. I don't even like sex.

WowYouMustBeJoking · 2024-03-05T03:46:22+00:00

Love kids etc. And because I want someone who no one else can touch.

mib732 · 2024-03-05T14:30:34+00:00

I would like to have a family and be married, so having a GF is the first step.

Ok-Minute4621 · 2024-03-04T04:32:30+00:00

Honestly, at this point, the only reason I'd want a relationship is for regular sex/kink. But I frankly don't have much patience for people, and constant socializing leaves me mentally exhausted, and I've always been painfully shy, so I just keep to myself anymore.

Retrospring · 2024-03-04T05:10:16+00:00

At this point I wish I was gay

solstice-sky · 2024-03-04T14:58:28+00:00

Some people have been in relationships before and enjoyed the love and companionship

Huge_Account_6715 · 2024-03-09T10:21:56+00:00

I had one relationship when I was 18, ended 2 years ago and it was so bad I want to be single forever too much of a burden (not that I didn’t contribute to the fall of the relationship) regardless I’m happier pursuing my passions

centaurus_a11 · 2024-03-04T04:50:10+00:00

What does it even matter to you? Your question is primarily directed towards the men even though you try to make it seem like it isn't by asking "why do you even want a bf/gf".

I wanna know if you're male or female and what motivated you to ask this question.

Now to actually answer your question, most people, most normal/regular folks are born with the inherent desire to be with another person, have sex, have children and raise a family. It isn't any more complicated than that. The idea that you don't need to be in a relationship to lead a successful and happy life doesn't apply to most normal/regular folks as that's not how we're biologically wired to be.

People feel lonely, people feel sexual urges, people would like to develop meaningful bonds with others and that's literally what it is.

You asked if people (men) would even know what to do with the other person (women) when they get them and that if they even know how much responsibility is involved in a relationship. Let's say they don't know shit but so what? People learn from experience, nobody is born with the perfect knowledge and skill set to handle a relationship.

MikeArrow · 2024-03-04T04:24:28+00:00

I was in a relationship for most of my 20's and I enjoyed spending time with my partner, and the intimacy and connection that came with it.

Now that I'm in my 30's I want to build a life with someone. In hindsight, I wish it could have been with my first girlfriend but for various reasons that relationship didn't work out.

SnooSongs8797 · 2024-03-04T04:53:42+00:00

I like being romantic involved with someone else whether it's because “ society” told me or because my body to told to want this idc I want to be in a happy loving relationship I couldn't care less about why

Acemanau · 2024-03-04T07:38:53+00:00

Consciousness is a blessing and a curse.

I had no say in my creation and if longevity tech doesn't pull through, I'll have no say in how I end.

But despite all my hardships and times I wanted to give up and die, I still found my way through the despair and emerged stronger and happier than ever.

I want to give my children the blessing and curse of consciousness, for the universe requires it be so. If only to witness itself for a fleeting moment on the scale of the infinite.

Critical_Corner_1859 · 2024-03-04T09:48:06+00:00

Why do you wanna live happily? Hormones? Do you comprehend the dept of what you're asking for?

OffTheRedSand · 2024-03-04T05:37:53+00:00

girlypop are you asexual? it's part of human nature to be in groups and have a family and be with at least someone. sure you can have friends and sibling but having that one person who is your other half just hits diffrent and people are after that feeling.

stats135 · 2024-03-04T04:40:03+00:00

Would you even know what to do with another human being in a committed and serious relationship?

Well, the IDEAL, is that I would follow the same playbook my grandfather used, who probably followed in the footsteps of his grandfather. The good thing with tradcon is that there's a tried and true method to a good relationship. I've seen how great things were for my grandfather, so just replicate what he did.

I mean realistically?

Now, realistically, I know modern women have been corrupted by feminism for decades, so in all probability I wont get what grandpa got. So any relationship is really just bargaining my resources, whether it be time or money or otherwise, for sex and services.

Dating right now is just hope for the best, expect the worse. Hope I can get marriage where I'd be the breadwinner for a young, virgin bride, housewife, traditional woman. Expect for a transactional relationship and work to make sure I get the best deal out of it. After all, I'd still need sex and services, however bad relationships may get.

wolfloveyes · 2024-03-04T04:23:57+00:00

To remind me that:

I belong to a group that kills, rapes, and exploits. And I must pay for the crimes of men who abused or deceived her, simply because I am a man. It's deemed acceptable to punish one for another man's crime because all men are perceived as the same. No matter how much effort I put in, the woman deserves more. And that if I don't maintain 6 pack year round, I deserve deadbedroom.

I can't complain; I'm not allowed to express emotions while having to handle her full range of emotions, including her verbal aggression and physical violence. She believes she's superior in every way, and I am just a loser. The only flower or present I'll receive is when I am dead.

RecreationalPorpoise · 2024-03-04T05:01:20+00:00

Because having a family is a basic human need, and having a family would make me much happier.

SteveSan82 · 2024-03-04T11:24:40+00:00

I have a wife and a girlfriend. My girlfriend knew I was married when I met her and my wife found out about her later. Both have feelings of jealousy. They have never met each other. My wife only became nice to me and sexual when she found out about the other woman.

I would love to just have that Disney love story, but I know that is not real female nature. I've had my heart broken too many times and slept with enough married women and women with boyfriends and fiancées to know women have no loyalty except to their feelings.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2024-03-04T12:17:08+00:00

I need a forever girlfriend bang maid.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2024-03-04T12:33:38+00:00

People want to fuck and eventually have kids. That simple really.

Fun_Push7168 · 2024-03-05T02:49:56+00:00

You're making a lot of presumptions here. Some of us are/have been married, have had a ton of partners, currently have an SO etc.

Anyway there are a million reasons but let's just do a general and a specific and I'll leave out the obvious sex part.

Men and women are complimentary we are no doubt meant to pair off and we succeed together in a full life better than apart.

The touch of a woman who loves you just laying her head on your shoulder and hand gently on your chest is reason enough alone. Feels like heaven.

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ComfortableJeans · 2024-03-04T09:03:43+00:00

I want to love someone. And be loved.

I want to have someone to think about and to go out of my way for. To make laugh and feel better when they feel bad. I want to have sex with the person I love and lay there all breathy and giggly and touching one another. I want to baby them and take care of them when they're sick and tired. I want someone I love to feel conformable enough to totally relax, share with me embarrassing things, and know that I'll never hurt or shun them for it and that they can trust me fully. I want someone who wants all that with me in return.

Despite what people say, when you're REALLY in love with a good person, it makes the highs higher and the lows not as low. Love, and I mean love, not lust or greed or obsession with status or whatever, makes life better.

It's just that you come across a person like that, where you can truly love them very rarely. Some people never do.

Explaining love to a person who hasn't experienced it and it's great many benefits is like trying to describe a colour to a blind person. You either get it, or you don't.

And lots of people never get it. Lots of people live and die without every anyone really giving a fuck if they're alive or not. From what I hear, even more these days than before, people are just being born, being alone, them dying.

Love is amazing. It's just that genuine love, where you both fall with one another and click on the every level, is so incredibly rare.

Lots of people here don't know the immense relieving, refreshing, revitalising feeling of just laying in the arms of the person you love for a while.

On the sofa, pijamas, movie, cuddling, making love... then putting the movie on again because you just had sex through the whole thing and balling up with one another? Better than anything.

Real love is an amplifier for everything possibilities and a damper for everything negative.

But again, you get very few shots at the in life. And often, people don't get any at all.

izzzy12k · 2024-03-04T09:08:42+00:00

Yes, I was married for 20 years.. and know what it's like to be in a committed and monogamous relationship.

I was very happy, and yes... I was truly devastated when my now ex felt she had missed out on the fun social life she had seen others portray on social media.

I would love to be in a serious relationship again, doesn't have to be a marriage.. but hopefully a happy and committed relationship.

arsenalfc4life1500 · 2024-03-04T09:12:53+00:00

Cuddles in bed/ aftercare, passionate sex, cuddles on the couch, being able to express emotions and open up as women are good at understanding, teasing each other and having a laugh, romantic dinners together, holidays together, enjoying the outdoors in each others company whether thats a walk in the park or going on a hike, spending christmas together etc. Overall, it feels like a mix between friends and family but in some ways stronger than either. Unlike your family, you chose her and she chose you so you feel wanted, but on a much stronger level than with your friends.

Eezay · 2024-03-04T09:48:36+00:00

I need female energy in my life, just like I need food and shelter. I like to feel valued and important to somebody that in turn feels valued and important to me. I like to have an anchor in my life and in turn be a bastion of calm for my partner. I want to share honest, spiritual intimacy. I want to have a family one day. Those are probably the main reasons.

Freevoulous · 2024-03-04T10:20:02+00:00

raising children and maintaining a family
shared household
shared goals and passions
being each other's main sexual partners
as for the current relationship: she inherited a lot of land, I'm flush with money but needed cheap land to invest in, it was a match :)

But why a Girlfriend specifically, not a Wife? We talked it through from all possible angles, and the necessary Prenup conditions each of us wanted could be met more easily with a standard civil law contract than with marriage

WolfInTheMiddle · 2024-03-04T10:56:57+00:00

Because men want to love and feel loved. The reason men have been going their own way for a while is because they didn’t feel loved in the relationship and sometimes worse. After they get more experience some of the same people you’re talking about will come to the same conclusion and give up on relationships.

Nevamst · 2024-03-04T10:57:26+00:00

For one is a strong societal expectation, and a single man is often shunned or looked upon weirdly. And secondly it's hard-wired in our biology to want a partner, and for most men this is very strong and we can see that A LOT of men who are lonely end up killing themselves. What you're asking is kind of like "Do you even want food, do you realize how much work cooking is?" and like yes, it's a lot of work, and it costs a lot of money, but there's not really an option to forgo it.

TRTGymBro · 2024-03-04T12:29:19+00:00

Learning to be happy by myself on my own was the best thing that I did to my sex and love life. Once I learned I didn't really need women, I regained all my power in sex and relationships. See, when you are fearless about this type of thing, anything is possible. You can meet anyone, approach anyone, you date on your own terms, and if someone says a cross word to you or raises a red flag, they are gone faster than the speed of life.

When I was afraid of being alone and sexless, I'd let women walk all over me and always tried kissing their asses, just to get treated even worse. I don't blame them for being a wimp of course, it's just human nature to take advantage of those who are weak.

Reading through all the responses here, while most people say "I want, I want", I suspect they mean "I need, I need". Which is what is causing all their troubles.

PartyPony4hunnid · 2024-03-04T12:48:00+00:00

HONESTLY these are my main reasons 1. Sex on a regular basis 2. For kids 3. Companionship since I know imma lose many of my close friends to their love life and family once they get older it’s already happening

Poetic_Dew · 2024-03-04T12:50:25+00:00

(No Pill, actually. I was told to use a label. I'm not actually liberal)

Don't want a wound mate been through enough of that.

Soul Mate or Wound Mates https://youtu.be/8xv9PnbxtdM?si=0DX4sLGjg2sdyJ-5

FreitasAlan · 2024-03-04T12:52:57+00:00

I see many people who have no problem finding gf/bfs but are sad they can’t find anyone worth a LTR nowadays (for whatever criteria they define).

neomancr · 2024-03-04T13:12:04+00:00

When you can just lay out a huge fart when it's only you and them in the room and you accuse them of it and stand by it.

NotReallyTired_ · 2024-03-04T13:42:36+00:00

I want someone who I can share my life with.

I want to feel loved, valued, and admired and vice versa. There is no other answer, it’s that simple.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-03-04T13:47:14+00:00

I consider dating to be two people investing in each other's lives. I would like someone who is interested in my life and for me to be interested in theirs, simply.

Life is fine alone, but it's more fun with someone else to experience it with you.

wtknight · 2024-03-04T14:00:22+00:00

It’s fun to spend time around a person whom one is attracted to and to feel physically close and intimate with that person.

harmonica2 · 2024-03-04T14:12:49+00:00

In my experience, being single is more if a challenge than commitment.

izoldetales · 2024-03-04T14:56:42+00:00

Why do OP want money , It's litteraly coton. Do you see the stupidity of your take or not ?!

Is this some now emotional manipulation that is used against men cause I see a lot of it . " WHY do you want to be strong " " WHY do boys want to be successful " " WHY men aren't emotional " . Maybe cause every person with XX chromosome is getting tones of advices to become strong and independent and less emotional .

Basically OP is saying : " Well as a human, WHY DO men want to do human things " . Do people actually see men as people or we just used this phrase for women only?!

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-03-04T15:14:45+00:00

I didn't actually want one until my late 20s. But I wanted to check what dating, relationships and sex are. And dating somebody just for sex is fine for me.

AshySlashy3000 · 2024-03-04T15:24:07+00:00

Dopamine And Oxitocine

wheartv · 2024-03-04T15:57:24+00:00

If I lost my testicles and had zero sex drive, there is no way I would marry or date

So, I would say that sex drive is the primary thing

I guess I would miss cuddling or hugs or physical touch but I’d probably just get massages and a dog

Stuffstuffporn · 2024-03-04T16:02:08+00:00

My bf is my best friend. I feel at ease knowing I'm going to be with him the rest of my life. I wasn't really lonely before him but I was really alone and was distancing from family and now he's my family. I feel less alone in the world. It's me and him against the world and it's definitely been that way since we met.

Sabrepill · 2024-03-04T16:06:26+00:00

Because most people are socially conforming.

In terms of science: There is an instinctual drive to pair bond and mate. Women are instinctually driven to aquire resources and protection from the father of their children and men are driven to ensure that they are the true father of the children whom they are providing for.

Relationships tend to solve both problems at once. However in a truly biological sense: men can be polygamous so long as they are providing for their children, however women cannot because men cannot know who the father of the child is (until recently with paternal testing).

So biologically women should be the ones seeking commitment while men should be seeking loyalty. Men seeking a “girlfriend” are not in their masculine and are instead being socially conforming muppets.

WANT_SOME_HAM · 2024-03-04T16:06:43+00:00

Of all the men posting here, 95% of them obsess over dating like it's a battle in dungeons and dragons, and 5% talk about companionship and love.

For those 95%, "dating" is really about sex and social validation. To them, women are simply a mean to an end.

GridReXX · 2024-03-04T16:40:28+00:00

Companionship with “your person” is quite pleasant and comforting in the short and long term. But that’s been my experience.

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