How to keep high value as a young guy after having a kid with a hookup?

PPD-Angel · 2020-01-13T18:45:10+00:00

Be civil. Personal advice posts are prohibited.

AchromaticFade · 2020-01-13T15:54:19+00:00

The fact that you're more concerned with "keeping your 'high' value" and getting laid rather than the well-being of your own child speaks very poorly of your values, priorities, and upbringing. Shockingly, a lot of women are going to be turned off by this.

You've made your bed; now lie in it.

Let this be a lesson to everyone else reading this thread: if you're not prepared-- financially and/or emotionally-- to have a child, then don't have unprotected sex

goatismycopilot · 2020-01-13T14:33:51+00:00

HVM do not have kids by accident after a hook up at 21 so that bridge is burned.

churnthrowaway123456 · 2020-01-13T14:37:48+00:00

You don't. A HVM doesn't dumpster dive with the type of woman that would have a baby with a drunken hookup in her early 20s.

Congrats on joining the world of fake friends, hating drama, "getting your shit together", rampant obesity, STDs, and general fun times.

TheColdestHand · 2020-01-13T14:59:33+00:00

Focus on the relationship with your children and forget about women for a bit. When the kid is older the dust will have settled more and you can focus on getting a girlfriend.

philomexa · 2020-01-13T15:59:11+00:00

What are some of the best ways to maintain high value?

lol you can't.

Pola_Lita · 2020-01-13T15:09:58+00:00

You don't say what part of having a child is the problem for women. From reading your other responses though, I'd guess it's your lack of interest in your child's well-being. A monthly check isn't going to do it and the days are waaay long ago when men were given a pass about their kids. Specially as far as women are concerned.

OTOH, there aren't many women who don't appreciate a man who takes fatherhood seriously. Really, if you can't be bothered much with your child, how good are you likely to be as a mate?

2020-01-13T15:57:42+00:00

you simply don't get to be high value. there is no hvm participation trophy lol

brokegradstudent_93 · 2020-01-13T17:37:09+00:00

Sorry but you will never be high value to high value women. Our actions have consequences

Iluvalmonds83 · 2020-01-13T17:46:06+00:00

You are as valuable now (moreso still because single moms are hit harder on the value scale) to high value women as a single mother is to a high value guy.

Sorry but thems the brakes. Your RMV/SMV takes a hit after you’ve had a child. A lot of high value women and men who eventually want to start a family aren’t going to settle for damaged goods(single mom)/baby mama drama and reduced resources(child support paying single dad).

There was this commercial a little while ago where this guy is staring at this gorgeous woman boarding an airplane at at the last moment he sees the baby strapped to her chest and sadness settles in.

NeedingAdvice86 · 2020-01-13T17:08:52+00:00

Lower your standards...you just nexted yourself out of the community Stacies. You are gonna have to be Brad Pitt megaChad for any of the HV Stacies from the community to overlook having to explain why they are dating, marrying or LTR some dude with a child with a rando.....that doesn't sound like you at all.

But there is likely a pretty sizable contingent of local trailer park\ghetto women for whom dealing with babymommas and babydaddys is standard operating dating.

But from your backstory that doesn't sound like it is going to be much of a drop because to be honest is sounds like that was your game anyway...it sounds like one of the trailer park girls saw the dollar bills around your PP and took her shot at the local "rich guy" hoping to leverage a kid for some cash.

Memory_foam · 2020-01-13T17:23:17+00:00

Be an amazing dad. Take your kids everywhere. Women love that shit. Get off OLD and try doing activities with more families. Maybe you’ll meet a single mom or an “auntie” who doesn’t want to birth a child but won’t mind being a step mom.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-01-13T15:01:07+00:00

Just date single moms with kids of their own. They won’t mind that you have a kid.

XtoDoubt · 2020-01-13T14:32:09+00:00

Your social circle is a lost cause. You need a new social circle and to start cold approaching at night or daygaming.

yasee · 2020-01-13T16:38:54+00:00

why is your relationship bad? why is she trashing you?

GreenSatyr · 2020-01-13T17:51:31+00:00

I do not understand why anyone would come to this pack of rabid jackals for actual advice. You should take care of your child and filter for people who think that being a good parent is a positive quality.

NockerJoe · 2020-01-13T15:26:05+00:00

OP from the context you've given I'm gonna just give you the blunt news. You're a beta dude who was born into money. These women probably weren't super attracted to you to begin with and were gold digging to keeping it as an option. That or they're UMC women who do want a stable household someday. Either way seeing you pull this shit already killed everything dead since their goal wasn't to have NSA sex with some Rando but to have the option of locking you down if they felt like it.

You refused to be locked down. I'm not gonna moralize at you regardless of my opinions on the matter. But that means all your interest is going to dry up because you were never the Alpha Fucks. You were an early blooming beta who had the money early in an era where that's increasingly rare.

How you regain that value, if you decide that's the most important thing, is up to you. But you need to be realistic in what your value even was to begin with.

ontherailstoday · 2020-01-13T18:25:53+00:00

I recommend you see if you can patch things up with the mother until at least the point where she eases back on trashing you. I don't give a shit if that means you can't indulge your angry and vengeful feelz about her... people rarely become and stay high value without at some stage doing something that involves not following the emotional whim of the moment.

Twiteena · 2020-01-13T20:07:52+00:00

Join the military and restart your life.

TheColdestHand · 2020-01-13T14:32:21+00:00

Unfortunately, although it's less so for men, you've made a horrendous life decision, but you know that, so I'm not going to go there.

I'm sorry to say it so blunt, but what I'm about to state is true. A man who has a child can only be 'saved' by one of two things:

- Being chad/Tyrone so women choose your genetics over your predicament.

- Money.

akaean · 2020-01-13T15:09:04+00:00

I think there is too much focus on these boards about value.

What is a HVM, or HVW? Am I high value? Can I be higher value? On some level sure, its good to work on improving yourself, but you can work on improving yourself without obsessing over value and status. In a very zen way, your value is what it is. You have a child now, that has impacted your status, it is what it is. Basically what I'm saying is don't place so much of your self worth on the idea of being "high value". Try to be happy and do things that make you happy. Status isn't everything.

Anyway, I lead off with that because you have a very difficult decision coming up, and its one you need to think long and hard about. I can't tell you whether or not cutting ties to your child and just "sending a check" as other posters have suggested is the right decision for you. That is something you have to decide on your own.

So, Benji, what do you want? Do you want to be involved in your child's life? Or do you want to cut ties and pretend it never happened? There is a non zero possibility you will regret choosing to abandon your child, you have to be willing to risk that possibility if you make that decision. Its a choice that only you can make. Do you care more about the child or your status? At the end of the day the only person who knows the answer to that question is you.

buartha · 2020-01-13T22:14:17+00:00

For women in their early twenties the reality is that you likely won't regain all lost 'value'. While a lot of this ground will be regained with time as your female peers become more amenable to baggage as they develop some of their own (and become more open minded about children), keep in mind that two of the big worries with dating single parents is that non parents don't want to compete with the ex and the child for attention all the time, and they don't want to have to contribute resources or deal with the chaos that often results from having a child with a random stranger. This means that if you want to look high value the best thing you can do is show that you have everything in control financially and have set up strong boundaries with your ex that allow you to have your own life. When the kid is old enough sort out a custody/ payment plan that is, as far as possible, set in stone with clear expectations, allowing you to to get control of the situation and show that you can deal with your responsibilities while still being fun on your offtime and having your own independent life.

majani · 2020-01-13T22:23:26+00:00

After you have an unplanned, unwanted baby, it's just pure damage control from there on. There are ways to deal with this as have already been mentioned, but you don't seem like you have the personality type that can follow through on the harsh solutions.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2020-01-13T14:13:23+00:00

Stop being involved with your kid or mentioning him, just send the check and pretend he doesnt exist

Why do you believe you can ameliorate this ding to your value and keep it as well.

AutoModerator · 2020-01-13T14:09:10+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

NorthrnSwede · 2020-01-14T00:47:38+00:00

PSA If you are a male and you choose to put your dick in a vagina, you are choosing to possibly have a child(ren). Because facts, and reality. If you didn't know before, you certainly do now. You are welcome.

SemiLoquacious · 2020-01-14T01:04:56+00:00

You make yourself higher value and make being a father part of your brand.

When girls see that a HVM is a father it does get them wet.

they like the fact that you've been having sex
they think the kid is cute
it's a turn on that you value having kids when almost every man under 30 will never consider it

You just take the cards you've been dealt and turn them in your favor.

SmurfESmurferson · 2020-01-14T01:48:10+00:00

OP, I’m way late to this thread. But the guy I’m dating was in a very similar boat, and he made it work. AMA

duckhospital · 2020-01-13T16:36:09+00:00

The biggest downside of dating a single mom from a guy's perspective: you'd be raising some other man's kid.

The biggest downside of dating a single dad from a woman's perspective: part of your money would be going to some other woman and kid.

So unlike with a single mom, a single dad can negative the effect and still be HVM.....if he has a lot of wealth. Having a kid with an ex isn't a problem for wealthy men. But it's easier said than done, I know.

OutOfOranges · 2020-01-13T20:48:53+00:00

[removed]

gimpgirl555 · 2020-01-13T14:24:34+00:00

Your value increases if you have a kid. It means that you're willing to knock a woman up.

Also a man who is willing to invest in his kid is very attractive to women.

shalomanioleh · 2020-01-13T19:00:30+00:00

Lie? At least by omission. If you want to get married, you'll have to settle on a LVF (is that an acronym? Never seen it before) who also has a child. As you get older this will get easier and easier, by 35, no problems at all!

WIA20XX · 2020-01-13T17:15:29+00:00

There are plenty of Pickmeisha's to pick from. Lot of these high income/high net worth chicks have such low self esteem, you don't need to worry. Provided that you use their silly insecurities against them.

Your life isn't as ruined as much as girls are when they have fuck trophies. Assuming the slubberdeguillon has primary custody, you're fine.

Step your dollars up, step your looks up, and then step your game up.

As for the slumpbuster,

Don't volunteer shit about your situation. This is literally "what is your sexual history" question, and it is none of her business. You don't want to know how often she does ATM, and she doesn't need your body count. You younger guys are too free with your vital information.
Scrub your online presence as much as possible. In general your op sec has to be on point, whatever your history is.
Always talk positively about her (baby mama) if the subject comes up with new prospects.
Gaslight of you need to. "You never brought up this kid before" - To which you reply, "what the hell, I love my kid" - and then pull up your kid photo album on the phone. Girls on the hook are just looking for the most minimal reason to keep shit going with a guy they like.
Make sure she doesn't use your kid as a reason to start thinking about you and her having a family, lol. Females get crazy sometimes.

eboy4hire · 2020-01-13T15:42:04+00:00

I think this might be all in your head. Could you just not mention it to potential partners?

AchromaticFade · 2020-01-13T16:53:20+00:00

[deleted]

theambivalentrooster · 2020-01-13T15:06:28+00:00

[deleted]

Bumzo- · 2020-01-13T17:22:01+00:00

I would lmfao if this dude ended up looking like a total chad

StopTheIncels · 2020-01-13T20:49:04+00:00

GG no re.

Million-Suns · 2020-01-13T15:53:40+00:00

Getting rich is the only way in your situation, honestly.

Title	How to keep high value as a young guy after having a kid with a hookup?
Author	--Benji--
Upvotes	0
Comments	308
Date	January 13, 2020 2:09 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/eo4kqq/how_to_keep_high_value_as_a_young_guy_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-to-keep-high-value-as-a-young-guy-after-having.310976 https://theredarchive.com/post/310976

Comments