Q4RP - Whose Pleasure Is More Important? Hers or Yours?

Aaren_Augustine · 2018-08-22T12:58:23+00:00

Imagine a guy that doesn't help you with any house work unless you nag at him to do it. And he just does it while complaining, and he half asses it passive aggressively.

To me, the thought of giving a long-term partner you love the ultimatum of "let me fuck you or I'll leave you" is alien

You are looking at a slow boil at the very end rather than seeing the years of excuses, legitimate reasons, health problems, trickle sex and rejection.

Would you be satisfied fucking your wife if you knew she didn't really want to, but was too afraid of losing you to say No?

Would you be satisfied if you got what you think is the love of your life, the one you burn for, two feet away from you and it be miles apart? To fundamentally be rejected of what and who you are so easily as if you were also a thing on the to do list, an annoyance.

You of all people should be able to see both sides of this issue.

angels_fan · 2018-08-22T20:11:04+00:00

I see no difference between sex because she's afraid you'll leave her or cheat vs starfish sex.

crackrocksteady7 · 2018-08-22T13:24:57+00:00

there's no circumstance where this could result in the loving, supportive sex the husband presumably is hoping for.

In no way would I ever describe good sex as loving, supportive

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JustRuss79 · 2018-08-22T16:23:13+00:00

I'm mildly red pill, a dead bedroom will completely kill the rest of a marriage for me (and has...). I need physical intimacy or I start looking around and being unhappy... part of that may be ADHD too.

However... I get 90% of my pleasure during sex, from giving her pleasure. I don't even like blowjobs much but I'll give her head for hours if my tongue holds up and she doesn't pass out.

I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex... but I want to have sex... when I'm actually with someone in a relationship.. sex is a NEED. It's unhealthy not to have it with the person I love...it hurts and masturbating is not the same thing. It's a crappy situation but I'd rather leave than cheat.

abaxeron · 2018-08-22T13:44:28+00:00

I can take care of my pleasure by myself, thank you; usually all I need is a dark isolated room and three minutes of time. If I am allowing a woman into my bed, it probably means that I want to see her legs shake and hear her moans. The "past few discussions involving women with low sex-drives" seemed strange to me because men are quite good and skilled at getting a woman into the mood. If she doesn't allow to get herself into the mood, it probably means there's some strong emotion involved. Such as guilt. Or embarrassment.

Mr_Smoogs · 2018-08-22T12:53:56+00:00

“Let me fuck you or I leave” is the ultimatum I gave all women. How long do you want men, single or married, to wait before they leave? I married a woman so we can fuck. If she’s not attracted to me despite my best efforts, then why would I stay in the relationship?

mareenah · 2018-08-22T13:39:34+00:00

Not a RP

Both people's pleasure is important. If the man's pleasure means the woman is happy, then the woman should leave him, and vice versa.

"let me fuck you or I'll leave you"

It's never said like that in good relationships, but it's implied. If my husband didn't have sex with me anymore (consistently), I'd leave him.

sadomasochrist · 2018-08-22T12:55:22+00:00

Would you be satisfied fucking your wife if you knew she didn't really want to, but was too afraid of losing you to say No?

To worry about this is to subordinate yourself to her. We call this "being in her frame." And if you do this long enough, the tables often turn. Then when you aren't in the mood, she demands you get it out so she can use you.

RP problems I guess.

Would you be satisfied fucking your wife if you knew she didn't really want to, but was too afraid of losing you to say No?

99% of these women don't have low sex drives, they have husbands that have violated rules number 1 & 2. Facta non verba and tingles uber alles.

That being that they are letting their wife sabotage their lives by listening to her and not turning her on.

The other 1% have some sort of ailment, physical or mental defect.

Eastuss · 2018-08-22T13:24:49+00:00

I am more important. This is how women think, why shouldn't men think that way?

Men should help their partner cum, not be responsible for it. Just like men should help their partner be horny, not make them responsible for their satisfaction.

LewisCross · 2018-08-22T13:04:14+00:00

There's no such thing as a woman with a low sex drive. Those women are in relationships with/marriages to men they're not attracted to.

I'm done worrying about whether she's hot hot hot to have the sex we're having. If she's consenting to the sex, we're good to go. I'm not going to subordinate my desires to hers any longer. I'm not ever again going to allow my sex life to become 100% dependent on "how she feels".

If she wants to say no, she can say no. That's fine. But my life and mental/emotional state won't be affected by it any longer.

You should be asking women depriving their husbands of sex this question. Why is their pleasure (or avoidance of their husbands) more important than his pleasure? Why is what they want more important than what he wants?

Gravel_Roads · 2018-08-22T13:00:27+00:00

low sex-drives

That's a myth. Women sometimes even DB their husbands and cheat with hot guys.

FairlyNaive · 2018-08-22T14:45:04+00:00

I would be satisfied with the situation when among the cases where she wants to have sex there are some cases where she is making a good impression of wanting sex. Otherwise I need a new woman

sivarias · 2018-08-22T15:16:11+00:00

Mine obviously. Does that mean I don't care about hers? No, of fucking course I do. But going back two - three years ago I looked around and realized my life was shit and I wasn't getting the sex I wanted and it was my fault.

So I started improving myself. Dressing better eating better and exercising. I lost 40 lbs after a year of several false starts. Sex still wasn't happening.

Then the wife and I had a conversation. I told her point blank if i'm married my wife and I would be having sex a lot. Once every few months was not even CLOSE to cutting it. She was failing to meet my needs, and neglecting a very important part of our relationship. I didn't blame her for not wanting sex with the obese dude her husband was, and I forgive her for that, but I'm no longer that guy so something is going to change. She told me she was nervous, made up excuses yada yada. I shrugged and told her I was going to get my needs met. She made an appointment for the doctor that week.

Here's the funny thing about female sexuality. 3 months into us having sex multiple times a week, you couldn't even tell we had that convo. She was DTF and enjoying the hell out of it, because she was feeding off of my desire for her. Regular sex got her out of her own head.

In fact multiple studies have shown that the testosterone in sperm gets absorbed by the lining of the vagina and boosts libido. Other studies have also shown that the more (good) sex women have, the more they want to have. The 30 day challenge basically destroys db, sometimes as a husband you just have to enough of an asshole to force the issue.

LooksSafeFromFarAway · 2018-08-22T17:39:25+00:00

I'd say my husband is light pink on the pill spectrum. I know he'd eventually flip out and leave over a lack of sex. There would be no slow decline into a DB here, that's for sure. He wouldn't be good with fucking minus enthusiasm, getting me off is a big part of getting him off. If I'm stressed or butthurt about something unrelated to sex enough that I think I won't and I tell him as much, it's a toss up between him suddenly wondering what's on Netflix, taking it as a challenge to overcome whatever I think is too big to get over in the moment, or accepting it's a quickie in his favor.

Workaholico · 2018-08-22T21:15:41+00:00

Whose Pleasure Is More Important? Hers or Yours?

Both.

How common is this mentality?

More than you think, a man will not leave you by not having sex in the last 2 days, that is just a douche, a man can stay some days without it. but he is going to leave you if he stays months/years without sex.

Let me put it straight. Sex is a basic need for men(read about maslows piramid of needs).

The proof is the average teen male. He will do anything, ANYTHING, for sex. Our testosterone levels are too big. To us sex is a drug we cannot really get rid off. And we are born addicted to it. So our only hope is to find a good sex source of live with the withdrawn effects.

Yes. We can love a woman enough to forget our addiction, but it will be a burden.

Would you be satisfied fucking your wife if you knew she didn't really want to, but was too afraid of losing you to say No?

Sexually, yes. Emotionally, no. I would not like to make someone do this. But nor a recovering crack user likes to use crack yet he still does anyway.

mistercheeez-o____O- · 2018-08-24T16:20:57+00:00

I used to focus solely on women, which yields great results, but women find it more enjoyable when I'm more in the moment and also go after my on sensuality. So both with a slight bias to them.

Unabummer80 · 2018-08-22T13:18:50+00:00

" Whose Pleasure Is More Important? Hers or Yours?"

In the sense that I get a build up of semen and testosterone that makes me a raging beast after a couple of days and effects my overall well-being then mine is very important. Masturbating reguarly makes me lethargic and depressed. If she genuinely wants her man at the top of his game then sex is definitely essential. It relaxes me and makes me more content. If it does the opposite to her then what the fuck is she doing with me? Good sex is up there with eating healthy food in terms of my well-being. If she cant understand this then she shouldnt be with me.

" To me, the thought of giving a long-term partner you love the ultimatum of "let me fuck you or I'll leave you" is alien..."

Saying it explicitly is alien, but covertly it is constantly there and important for a healthy relationship IMO. Both parties should have a healthy fear of their partner straying/leaving if they're not content at home, otherwise what is the point in maintaining any standards? Adult relationships are never unconditional.

" Would you be satisfied fucking your wife if you knew she didn't really want to, but was too afraid of losing you to say No?"

Yeah Id rather that than going without. Ive done it when I didnt really want to and she did, cos I like making her happy. Having sex with your partner when you're not in the mood isnt a big deal. To have a prolonged absence of sex then there is probably something deeper going on and id be finding out what.

EDIT - If you check the Levels of Dread Red Pill Post, then youll see that giving ultimatums is the last resort after getting in the gym etc. before ditching the relationship.

jax006 · 2018-08-22T14:37:14+00:00

My pleasure is "more important" than hers in the same way that in a life/death scenario, my life is "more important" than my parents or siblings.

VAOTOMARNOCU · 2018-08-22T14:42:34+00:00

I mean I'll try to go for mutual benefit whenever I can, but in case it's not possible, I prioritize my own interests

quotient_is · 2018-08-22T14:51:38+00:00

This is a fairly common mentality in manosphere spaces, but I think that's only the surface level.

Some of these men probably do just want to get their dicks wet X number a times a week whether wifey is into it or not. Most of them really want wifey to want to fuck them, though. Hence the red pill focus on self improvement.

It's best for both partners to take a holistic view of how to meet one another's needs within marriage. Lots of men who find themselves in places like this may have tried the caring route and gotten no reciprocity. Some of them may just be self absorbed and unable to take that holistic approach on their end.

I understand the former group much better than the latter group. It's short sighted not to recognize sex as a legitimate need within marriage. However, driving it home that lying back and thinking of England is her duty absolutely will not make her want to fuck. The deeper need for sexual/intimate validation can't really be met that way.

genethedog · 2018-08-22T15:20:10+00:00

A man's orgasm must result for procreation, a woman's doesn't (but it helps suck up the sperm). That just about answers that question.

In a relationship, however, I like to make sure she's done first. But in a relationship where she's starting to get bored and unattracted to you, we'd love it of you were into it, but if you're not, fake it and if you can't to that, some guys will still take it because we fucking need it (and so do you ladies, you just want some 'new', it's not like you stopped liking it all together) and if a female partner wasn't well aware that we need sex before she was 14 years old, she's stupid or disingenuous.

She's just withholding sex to manipulate you or she's tired of you and wants some new.

Withholding sex from a man is like withholding affection from a child. It's cruel and unusual punishment and abusive.

Title	Q4RP - Whose Pleasure Is More Important? Hers or Yours?
Author	Gravel_Roads
Upvotes	14
Comments	322
Date	August 22, 2018 12:48 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/99d1f4/q4rp_whose_pleasure_is_more_important_hers_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4rp-whose-pleasure-is-more-important-hers-or.261072 https://theredarchive.com/post/261072

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