The way I see it, the "Choose Better" debate mostly emerges in the following way:

Men make the experience of not being chosen on the dating market.

These same men witness women complaining about the terrible behavior of their past or current partners.

Sometimes this personal experience reports are being expanded to "all men are the same".

But a lot of these unchosen men have never done anything like what's being reported to a woman, and they also - at least from their personal viewpoint - deem themselves as a good and honest partner choice.

Obviously bringing up the "Choose better" argument in this scenario is still self-victimization and a failure of taking accountability for their own non-existent dating life, but I still don't think that having an actual debate about this topic should be a taboo topic in any way, shape or form.

Which is why some of the common responses to this point genuinely surprise me:

• Women don't owe unchosen men dates, sex or anything else for that matter
• With "Choose Better" you probably just mean "Choose Me"
• Why should women be responsible for the terrible behavior of the men in their life
• Your assumption of being able to provide something better is likely very wrong
• Don't get angry then if women are actually picky and don't choose you

Am I crazy for thinking that all of these answers are defensive and/or deflecting in some way? I thought that it's statistically proven that many (not all) woman on online dating apps only interact with the same percentage of the top male profiles, which begs the question if these profiles are actually the highest quality options available when it comes to personality, moral principles and genuine relationship goals instead of just attractiveness, wealth and confidence.

Why do you think that it's so hard for people to have a honest debate about this topic? Is it actually common in both genders to not take accountability for their failing dating life? Or do you think that it's actually just an online phenomena where jaded women (used and/or abused) get into arguments with jaded men (unchosen and/or bitter) to shift the blame on each other for not being in happy relationships?

From my personal point of view "Choose Better" applies to both genders equally, since men are also prone to fall into the hands of someone emotionally unstable, gold diggers or someone not taking their needs seriously. (Dead bedroom) But telling men to "Choose Better" in these specific cases actually doesn't seem to be a controversial thing to do, or am I mistaken by making this assumption.

Edit: Funnily enough and once again, the debate in the comment section mostly devolved into off-topic discussions. But thanks to everyone who actually shared some non-stigmatizing insight.

Also, I do acknowledge that the actual availability of data concerning the claim that most woman only interact with the same top percentage male profiles is more limited than I initially thought when writing my post. Here's some actual data I found:

> I’d say that the biggest dating challenge men face on apps is, as it is in real life, the burden to initiate. On Hinge, men send a first like more than three times as often as women. But more than that, when women do initiate, they tend to do so on a smaller segment of the male population. For example, while about half of all likes sent to women go to about 25 percent of women, half of all likes sent to men go to a much smaller segment – about 15 percent.

Source: Hinge data scientist in a now deleted blog post

The problem doesn't seem to be as pronounced as it's often claimed in debates when actually comparing genders.