Unconditional love doesn't exists

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-12-27T11:55:06+00:00

Unconditional love would be messed up and unhealthy.

Let’s say my husband loved me unconditionally. He then found out I was sleeping with his brother, but he loved me unconditionally so stays. What if I hurt his child?

What if I love him unconditionally, he then raped me beats me.

Can you see how this could be?

There will always be lines that once crossed you should walk away. It’s called having respect for yourself.

Conditional love is not a bad thing

Dry_Grab_3874 · 2024-12-27T11:54:22+00:00

I believe the love parents have for their children is often unconditional. Relationships are conditional though

SnoopyDru · 2024-12-27T13:32:28+00:00

My parents severely abused me. A part of me still loves them, but the rest of me hates their guts. Love doesn’t preclude boundaries or other feelings existing. Having love for someone and having a relationship are 2 entirely separate things.

Reasonable-Agent-278 · 2024-12-27T14:02:50+00:00

All relationships are transactional. That’s not wrong or bad . What causes problems is when the exchanges are not mutually beneficial. Which also changes over time.

What is mutually beneficial to a couple between 22- 30 is not going to be the same when they are in their 30s , will change in their 40s , 50s and so on.

There’s nothing wrong with this. When one party has unrealistic expectations, doesn’t offer anything themselves, or the relationship is one sided things go very wrong.

There are a lot of people that have unrealistic expectations and think a one sided relationship is perfectly acceptable. This seems to be more common with women than men . I would blame OLD apps , smartphones and social media for a lot of that .

That’s a whole new topic.

Someone else correctly said unconditional love would be unhealthy. It would be psychologically and emotionally devastating.

We all have different needs and wants. Of course no one wants to be used or taken advantage of. That’s one reason why relationships are transactional.

I would not want them not to be.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-12-27T12:57:08+00:00

Unconditional love shouldn’t exist. It’s not healthy.

Alternative_Chain330 · 2024-12-27T12:47:37+00:00

I love my child unconditionally.

meteorness123 · 2024-12-27T16:25:49+00:00

Correct

ComfortableJeans · 2024-12-27T12:14:43+00:00

Everything in all of existence is conditional. It's a constant. From human emotions to galaxy destroying chemical reactions. Nothing happens that isn't a dependent on something else.

Something being without conditions is purely imaginary. It can't be. Not while obeying the laws of reality, anyway.

Even a parent loving their child is dependent on the condition that they're their child, in some form or another. Even that likely has it's limits. I imagine you might stop loving your child if it did something truly horrendous with intention.

What people mean when they refer to "unconditional" love, is love that comes from a transaction that they deem more wholesome than otherwise. For instance, a person falling in love with another person due to their kindness and tenderness would be deemed a more genuine love, or, a more wholesome transaction.

Where as a person falling in love for money would be seen as a less genuine love.

The use of "unconditional" just refers to the nature of the transaction, as everything in reality is a conditional transaction.

Generally, this comes down to this silly things humans do, where we use words not by their given definitions, but by our social or internal definitions, which leads to confusion. In this case, they're using unconditional when they mean to use wholesome.

It's all quite complicated. Generally, my advice would be not to miss out of the amazing because you were too busy looking for the perfect. Because perfect doesn't exist.

Just because the true 100% pure substance cannot exist, doesn't mean that the 99% isn't functionally as good for our purposes.

It's also worth noting that love may not be an ongoing transaction, but a transaction that infrequently is in play, or even once. Such as saving someone, or being there for someone at a very difficult time.

X took care of me when I was Y, I'll always love them for that.

A thing doesn't have to be because it IS, it can also be because it WAS.

Condition is not ipso facto negative, the nature of the condition is what decides it's orientation... Well, and the nature of the observer, but I'm just running with what I generally feel the vast majority of people would assign negative/positive.

Disastrous-Sound-694 · 2024-12-27T14:30:27+00:00

In the beginning of any relationship the love is conditional. But I think through time the loves becomes almost unconditional.

I love my husband unconditionally. If he woke up and decided to change his gender I would most definitely be devastated and heartbroken to know that the man I was in love with doesn’t really exist but I would still want to be with him. I would just fall in love with the new him while mourning the old him I thought I knew.

I love him so much that sometimes it becomes so overwhelming. I always tell him if I’m not with him I wouldn’t be with anyone.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-12-27T11:54:04+00:00

Love in a romantic sense is only slightly conditional, But certainly not transactional.

You both love each other, you want to support each other and make each other happy, but not at the expense of your own happiness. Being in a relationship is to improve your life but if your relationship isn’t making you happy, you shouldn’t be together.

I would disagree that someone stops loving their partner because they changed gender, it’s not a feeling you can just switch off, however because it is such a dramatic change it’s more likely your feelings of romantic love fade for that person because their no longer the person you fell in love with.

It’s not a contract, it’s a asset you build together, you both rely on it sometimes during personal harder periods, grief, illness etc but the majority of the time, you both should want to make it grow

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-12-27T12:56:06+00:00

for me in a relationship…i can love pretty much unconditionally only if the relationship is good and static. they have to be pretty special though.

once things start to change negatively that goes away.

oddly enough, the woman i was married to for 24 years did not get unconditional love from me. our relationship was more business like

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2024-12-27T13:43:34+00:00

Unconditional love actually exists. This is the reason for the existence of oneitis and friendzone as concepts.

I treat unconditional love in relationships simply like this: if it is mutual, then everything is very good, if it is not mutual, then everything is very bad.

And also if the relationship is transactional, then there is nothing wrong with that. It's just that the most important thing is the balance between "love + transaction".

The trick is that in truly loving and functional relationships, transactionality should be based not on "what a person brings to the table", but on what this person is.

That is, to love someone not just for how devoted, caring, safe this person is, how much he earns, etc., but for the fact that this person is what he is as a person in a romantic sense.

OkSun6251 · 2024-12-27T14:49:01+00:00

I don’t think romantic love can be totally unconditional or should be. Closest you can get to unconditional is probably a mother’s love. If your spouse cheats or abuses you of course have a right to get out of that relationship. You don’t even have to keep loving them.

throwaway164_3 · 2024-12-27T15:09:21+00:00

I feel relationships where one partner has a terminal short term illness and the other partner stays till the end is unconditional love

strawman83 · 2024-12-27T15:13:19+00:00

Very true. It feels like most women have always known this and most men are just finding out.

Deranged_Loner · 2024-12-27T15:28:06+00:00

I think unconditional love does exist. Just look at the families/spouses of some murderers. In some of their cases they are still loved, but heavily disgusted by their actions.
Or some go further and swear their innocence.

G4M35 · 2024-12-27T15:42:56+00:00

LOL, you're not 100% wrong, but it feels wrong to see that written explicitly somewhere hence all the enotionally driven comments.

Happy New Year.

Trancetastic16 · 2024-12-27T16:22:08+00:00

Yes, it’s biologically impossible, since even Parent-Child attachment is based on amount of physical touch.

Romantic love is a bio-chemical reaction caused by mutual attraction, which is based on visual health/fertility markers, shared traits (race/etc.), genetic and immune system compatibility based-on natural body odor and kissing to exchange saliva, and emotional compatibility for humans to pair bond and reproduce. And LGBT people a natural exception with a possible partly genetic basis, since the more older brothers means the higher likelihood the youngest is gay and twin studies show both to be (and only for pair-bonding).

All relationships have some level of social/cultural/economic transactional elements based on the individual, some more than others, but can be mostly based on mutual egalitarian care for them and them for you.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2024-12-27T16:35:48+00:00

I would frame this differently. First of all, of course truly unconditional love is probably very rare and at the extremes, would likely be pathological. There are conditions that could cause anyone normal to stop loving anyone else if you push it far enough. They should.

All of this makes it sound like 'love' is some sort of an illusion. But love is real. It is just that it is based in feelings and emotions we cannot fully control; and certain conditions tend to produce the love and sustain it. When those go away, typically the love withers in time. Different types of love require different conditions. Romantic love has fairly exacting conditions relative to other forms of love because of sex. You need desire. Desire is a relatively fickle and fragile plant that needs the right soil to thrive and survive.

Was watching Psyhacks and the doctor was saying that the male dream is of an unconditional partnership with a woman who will 'love' you in good times and bad. He was saying most women aren't that way, and when the material conditions change to the point that the relationship is a net material drain, eventually women will bounce. Look for that type of ride or die partnership with best male friends, not men. Made it seem like women are uniquely mercenary.

Thing is, not being materially drained by their man is just a somewhat more female-required condition for her desire and thus sexual love to thrive. Evolution. Women get pregnant. Yada. Yada. But when the conditions men require for their desire to thrive go away, so do men, too. And it makes sense in a way. You can't control your feelings entirely, and if condition changes cause your desire to go away--or even invert into sexual repulsion--what are you supposed to do? You can't just make it come back. Sleeping with the person you are now not desirous of makes no sense. And sex is what defines a romantic relationship compared to other forms of relationships. Both genders have their somewhat more gendered attraction triggers and requirements. Is what it it is. (OFC these are gendered averages and exceptions naturally exist.)

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-12-27T17:15:07+00:00

Some people love their kids unconditionally. Everyone else who isn't your kid - conditions apply, and that's not a bad thing. It's not good for you to stick it out with disrespectful, abusive, just plain shitty people, your love for them having a "That's all I can stands, and I can't stands no more" level protects you from continuing to endure shitty treatment.

I love my husband, but if he started abusing me and cheating on me that love would go away really fast. I love my friends, but if they started using me, stealing from me - that love would vanish rather quickly.

I also like that the people who love me do so because I bring something special to their lives, and they don't love me just cause I exist and they wanted to love someone.

NefariousnessMost660 · 2024-12-27T18:10:48+00:00

We should love but we should also be realistic about it. Even if you believe it's pure and unadulterated, it's not some magical force that will make all your problems go away once you do. Anyone that says it should, is usually asking the other person to make a personal sacrifice on their behalf by using it as an excuse when they need their compliance.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-12-27T18:57:54+00:00

Unconditional love in romantic relationships isn't a thing. Romance is the most conditional type of love and that's okay.

Your partner doesn't appreciate you. You have the freedom to leave.

Your partner cheated on you. You can leave.

Your partner doesn't respect you or the relationship. You can go.

Your partner doesn't pull their weight in the relationship and you have to compromise with yourself at this point to keep the peace.... Go.

It's a good thing because it opens you up to finding someone more compatible and understanding your needs and boundaries.

Longjumping-Ad-8628 · 2024-12-28T09:17:17+00:00

Not only does it not exists it SHOULDNT.

BigMadLad · 2024-12-29T07:35:33+00:00

I think technically you’re correct in that the vast majority of cases there is a condition somewhere, even if it’s that they are alive, and so by technicality it does not exist. However, when I think people say this or say they believe in it, it’s more of a self empowering and affirming Idea about the value itself. Those who say they believe it tend to focus on staying in a relationship and usually their conditions are extreme to have them leave, where I think those who say they don’t believe it or much more likely to leave over small things. I also think those who believe in it feel the relationship itself is it entity outside of the two people in it, and that you can have a loyalty to the relationship in addition to the person. There are plenty of examples of people loving someone even after they died and not marrying again because they feel they’ve already met their person.

It’s kind of like faith in religion, sometimes it’s not about the actual evidence, but relative faith, and belief in it as a concept that can generate it.

AutoModerator · 2024-12-27T11:42:05+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-12-27T11:42:05+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-12-27T16:56:20+00:00

It's in a way unconditional, because you do things because you care about them and not because you want them to do something for you. There is no I will do X if you do Y. It is unconditional because the thing they do come from inside of them and not due to outside influence. The people work based on their values. It is why it is important to have common values. With common values you don't think about setting a condition for action, because the action so ingrained and natural that you don't even think in terms of conditions.

Unconditional love is love where you don't give terms for the love. You can even still feel love and care towards a person that you don't want anything to do with. Like wishing that your abusive ex would get the help they need for their mental illness, even though you have a restraining order against them.

RinoaRita · 2024-12-27T18:21:15+00:00

I’d like to debate that you’re strawmanning there’s some “they” pushing unconditional love as the norm. Can you link some post? Even an anecdotal screen shot from some random on Facebook is fine. I haven’t seen this common.

Like I’ve seen people highlights dating profiles that confirm their agenda (ie some women that’s conventionally unattractive demanding someone that’s 6’ and rich) but I haven’t seen people proclaim love should be unconditional.

TheJinxieNL · 2024-12-27T18:32:39+00:00

It does with animals.

VWGUYWV · 2024-12-27T18:39:33+00:00

It can from parent toward child.

HappyCat79 · 2024-12-28T14:15:54+00:00

I disagree that unconditional love can only be based on familial bond. I love my stepson as I love my own kids, unconditionally, and he didn’t come out of my body.

The one area where I feel differently towards him is that I wouldn’t share my chap stick with him but I wouldn’t hesitate to share my chapstick with my kids. I feel like our microflora is likely very similar because they got populated by me and have been with me their whole loves. I met my SS when he was 11 so he and I don’t already share germs and I don’t really want his germs nor do I want to give him mine.

Other than that, I feel the same way about him as my own.

alebruto · 2024-12-29T02:57:12+00:00

Chads are often loved unconditionally.

Many Chads are good men, but they don't have to be, because those who are bad also have women, and they accept everything bad to be with them.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-12-27T13:43:28+00:00

This thread is a great ad for dread game.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-12-27T13:47:58+00:00

If you want unconditional love, go to a church, synagogue or temple.

GhostXmasPast342 · 2024-12-27T14:40:43+00:00

Unconditional love only applies to pets that become part of your family. Period!

nightcall379 · 2024-12-27T13:53:54+00:00

Of course the main goal of a couple is to be united and overcome obstacles but only if each partner respect it's role.

Completely false

If you're an actually desired man, women will do everything for you

Work for you, provide for you, cover all of your needs, etc.

Unconditional love doesn't exist

No, it doesn't exist for you

Don't project your life-experience

InitialPaths989 · 2024-12-27T18:29:40+00:00

Romantic love can last 3 years or so. Then you can love someone like you love your kids, they’re just so much a part of your like and like them, it would be too painful to see them go.

twilightlatte · 2024-12-27T11:48:42+00:00

Unconditional love exists. It's called friendship. Siblings, sometimes, if you're close with your family.

Relationships are much more about mutual benefit. If there are expectations and you're spending the majority of your time around someone else, it needs to be beneficial for both them and you to end up being a happy, successful relationship. Most people only have one spouse. You can have many friends, and that's easier, because not every friend needs to be everything you need in the way a spouse does.

Hobbies and friends are ways to make up for deficits, but they can't be doing the heavy lifting. Both people need to feel lucky. That's not unconditional love. These people will strive to impress and keep because a) they understand the value of doing so, and b) are capable of doing so in such a manner and to such an extent that they impress their counterpart.

Title	Unconditional love doesn't exists
Author	Artistic_Speech_1965
Upvotes	38
Comments	144
Date	December 27, 2024 11:42 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1hnd5p5/unconditional_love_doesnt_exists/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/unconditional-love-doesnt-exists.1539645 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539645

Comments