A man should never be vulnerable with his partner, since women can't handle men's emotions

qwertyuduyu321 · 2025-01-25T13:28:46+00:00

A man should never be vulnerable with his partner, since women can't handle men's emotions

If I can't be vulnerable at all, then it's not my partner. Might as well see a hooker.

Will I disclose everything to my partner? Absolutely not. I don't think that serves most men well.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2025-01-25T16:33:13+00:00

If you’re vulnerable from the get go, you will weed out the women who don’t like vulnerable guys.

When I was dating my husband, it was less than a year in when he confessed something about his past he had been keeping a secret. He cried while telling me about it. What he told me broke my heart. I hugged him so hard and cried along with him. Not a single fiber in my body felt disgust towards him. All I wanted to do is hold him.

We exist. I promise.

Cinthis · 2025-01-25T10:13:19+00:00

What do you base your generalisation of how women react to men being vulnerable?

To what degree can you with certainty claim that women react more negatively to men showing their emotions than men react to women doing the same thing?

Are you talking about all billions of people on the planet? Or just people in the western society? Or a specific country?

I’d argue that these generalising statements are an unrealistic and reductionist world view imposed to a complex reality.

Thoughts?

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-01-25T10:11:10+00:00

People just don't get that there is a difference between being vulnerable and being a weak man.

WashImpressive8158 · 2025-01-25T15:32:17+00:00

This is based upon evolutionary psychology and doesn’t need such a visceral response since it’s not a knock on either sex. We live in times of great abundance but most of world history was a struggle to survive both from being tribally slain to dying by hunger. To survive men needed to be strong, cunning and physically / mentally protective. Any sense of mate vulnerability could result in her death.

Affectionate_Cat1512 · 2025-01-25T15:59:58+00:00

While I agree expressing your emotions, being vulnerable and open is MAJOR turn off to women, I still am like that. With everybody (in a moderate and consensual way of course).

You know why? Because it's a great way to filter real shitty people out. So far, not a lot of women passed that, which is quite funny

Bikerbats · 2025-01-25T17:05:19+00:00

I don't think you could be any more wrong if you wanted to OP. I believe the complete opposite. I keep my emotions in check, and I'm not what I would describe as vulnerable with anyone, except her. She's the only one who gets to know I'm afraid. The only one who gets to know I'm hurting, etc. It's worked out pretty well so far.

Tylikcat · 2025-01-25T18:24:56+00:00

And yet, men are not less emotional or more emotionally stable than women.

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-021-00143-7

alwaysright0 · 2025-01-25T10:24:14+00:00

If women are generally more unstable then why are men more violent and more likely to kill?

Have you ever been in a relationship?

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-01-25T13:44:18+00:00

Don’t burden your woman with something she’s not equipped to handle and can’t process without changing her idea of you.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-01-25T16:19:22+00:00

If you can’t be open and vulnerable with your partner, you’ve chosen the wrong partner.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-01-25T14:22:10+00:00

If you choose to never be vulnerable then you are actually eliminating your compatibility with women who do accept vulnerability in their partner. You will only ever be compatible with women who don’t want you to be vulnerable, thus self fulfilling your own prophecy. This is a great way to choose to be in a bad relationship.

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Old-Run-9134 · 2025-01-25T17:37:17+00:00

👻🖤⚫ that's Dark

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-01-25T18:47:02+00:00

Last night my husband sobbed like a baby over loosing someone. Not for the first time. I love and respect him more than any man I have ever met. It changes nothing.

The only women who don’t like men being vulnerable are very superficial

Negative_Face6137 · 2025-01-25T19:41:48+00:00

The misunderstanding is this. No human can be responsible for another humans emotions. People aren't wired this way. However, a lot of guys think that their female partners are their moms and try to dump on them, because they deeply lack self-confidence. They don't feel safe and secure without a mother figure to check in with.

In reality, women need emotional reassurance more than men do. So, if you're in a relationship where it's the opposite, it's not going to work.

Have you ever had a guy friend who was emotionally needy and taken on his emotional needs? It feels no different for a woman to do this. I never see men with emotionally needy friends. The weight of that can crush you.

DubiousDoubtfire · 2025-01-25T20:52:55+00:00

In my experience, it's not a total truth. I agree that men can't be totally vulnerable, as the wrong thing will plant a seed that may grow into something that will eventually come to haunt them. You can't not be vulnerable because that will push them away as well. So, you need to find a balance. Tell them MOST things but not everything.

The problem is, in my experience, women need to be able to talk about everything and anything, and men can't restrict or feel negatively about that. If there is an issue with something said in a moment of vulnerability, men are very quickly villainized and labeled. Meanwhile, if a man is the same level of vulnerable, a woman has every right to judge and hold on to things. Usually, with a man too vulnerable, she gets the ick.

Here's the controversial thing I'm going to say. I feel as though there is an unspoken understanding that because women face a much harsher reality on a daily basis, that men in hetero relationships are expected to play the role of emotional support and compensate for the real world by being a safe place to their partners. Because our world is inherently safer, we have to make our partner feel emotionally secure above our own emotional security.

Obviously, these are huge generalizations and it doesn't apply to the traditional nuclear family dynamic. My experience has only been with interracial millennial relationships. I have always felt that my gf was allowed to be free and vulnerable with me while my insecurities caused defensive reactions. Oftentimes, if I'm insecure about something my partner doesn't agree with, I am expected to get over it.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-01-25T21:04:50+00:00

It’s difficult to even have this discussion without specific examples or what “being vulnerable” looks like to the man talking about it.

Because on one hand, if your partner only loves you when you seem to 100% have your shit together, that’s not a real partner, and trying to build a life with a woman like that is a horrible idea because there will inevitably be times when you’re vulnerable.

On the other hand, neither men nor women should expect their partner to be their emotional punching bag. There’s a major difference between being vulnerable and treating someone as this emotional punching bag. It’s also important to have a support system outside of your partner, and to go to therapy if needed.

willyamo1 · 2025-01-25T21:36:40+00:00

I believe you that your personal experience has taught you that women lose respect and attraction toward a vulnerable man. This can happen, and it’s painful that it happens. It could be that the vulnerability was expressed in a way that was perceived as emotionally manipulative or dangerously unstable. It could be that the women in question were cruel or had their own overly narrows views of how men should act. In either case, it’s wrong to say women are wired this way. My own experience paints a very different picture as do many other men and women that I know.

StrugglingSoprano · 2025-01-25T22:05:20+00:00

You probably won’t believe me but one dude I was talking to opened up about his social anxiety to me and it made me more into him because I saw him as authentic and we were able to connect over it.

-royalmilktea- · 2025-01-26T01:05:36+00:00

Some women are like this, some aren't. Me and my boyfriend cried about our mothers together very early after meeting in person, we talk to each other about all our struggles, and we have incredible sex with regularity and are extremely attracted to each other. I think the vulnerability makes everything about the connection better. Not everyone can handle that, and those people have to settle for a more shallow connection. It sucks to suck

Miss_Acassia-9374 · 2025-01-26T02:49:56+00:00

For me personally, I appreciate a man who can be vulnerable. I'd love that with a big IF. And that is that I would hold him to the same standards I hold myself. While I can be vulnerable, even when I despise it, I am still human just as he is.

So if a man is to be vulnerable about things he is going through, I also have more respect for him if he is to realize his insecurities, weaknesses, struggles and make something out of those things. Instead of only expressing his dissatisfaction or complaining. Whether that is personal growth as a partner, friend, father... Whatever, or a weakness at work... Overcoming it and rising to the occasion, etc.

I would be very in favor of a good "give and take" where both partners can be vulnerable, discuss it, and find solutions either in their own or together as a form of support to one another.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-01-26T03:02:37+00:00

If your woman has a low tolerance for your vulnerability, then she isn’t sexually attached and she may develop a wandering eye

Vulnerability is a prerequisite to good sex.

GKilat · 2025-01-26T05:55:47+00:00

If a man is always vulnerable and unstable, that isn't a good thing especially with a partner. Being vulnerable simply means it is an occasional outlet for all the emotions that men holds back by being stoic and a pillar of strength. Whether you like it or not, those emotions needs an outlet and it's either by being vulnerable and crying your heart out or lash out violently in anger. I'm sure one is preferable over the other.

Both men and women can be that trusted someone. The idea that being occasionally vulnerable as a sign of weakness is not limited to women but also among men that can even interpret it as acting like a women and men shouldn't do that. You need someone who is mature enough to know that isn't the case and being occasionally vulnerable is simply being human.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2025-01-26T10:49:33+00:00

friend you have no clue how this sounds to anyone who knows a healthy happy mutually-vulnerable couple. there is a whole way of life out there you do not know about.

Interesting-Gas4506 · 2025-01-26T19:54:42+00:00

There's a difference between confidng in someone with your issues, seeking advice, perspective and improvement. However, no one wants a cry baby, negative Susan as their partner. Nobody wants to be an emotional tampon, and you shouldn't seek to be a burden to anyone in your life, really. It gets stale really fast. Be vulnerable, not a depressed 12 year old... Seek to improve your situation and get stronger

Dupec · 2025-01-27T00:00:15+00:00

Not, all women!

Dino_kiki · 2025-01-25T11:14:13+00:00

My thoughts are that this is a very sad and lonely view that won't make you experience healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Lumpy_Secret_6359 · 2025-01-25T10:45:56+00:00

What usually happens is men suppress their emotions all the time, they get into a relationship, something happens that ‘triggers’ them and a FLOOD of uncontrollable strong emotions come out. This is not what a woman means when she wants someone who is open & vulnerable. What she means is she wants you to be honest with her about what you are going through emotionally, but not to burden her / scare her with an overwhelm of irrational emotions, or attack her.

For example ‘hey honey I am really stressed at work right now, so if i spend some extra time alone or sleep early or act snappy that is why, you dont have anything to be worried by, me and you are fine. But please respect giving me some distance the upcoming days’ is what we want. Men who are emotionally constipated will just start withdrawing and isolating and snapping without communicating to us whats going on (so we assume theres a problem with our relationship and this causes us anxiety) and men who are emotionally unstable will act dismissive around us, when we ask them whats wrong a few times they suddenly burst out with emotion and cry or get angry at us and push us away ‘you dont understand and will never understand the stress im going through, leave me alone your annoying me, just get off my back stop asking me questions, you cant fix anything, you’re gonna leave me or cheat on me because im not good enough, im not listening to your support or reassurance’ then will accuse us of things or say we cant help which obviously offends us and puts us on the defensive, and makes us lose attraction and respect, as we are only trying to help and get rejected.

its not the vulnerability that pushes us away its HOW you express yourself. A lot of men cannot express their emotions in a healthy way because they are not practising open communication about their feelings so it all comes out at once.

Tldr: women want to hear about a mans emotions but to know they have it under control, and they know how to get themselves out of it, that we are safe with them, that its not going to damage our relationship.

SnooCats37 · 2025-01-25T14:22:39+00:00

You think women are more unstable? Are you sure about that? Because last time I checked it was men who start wars, men who are primarily involved in gang violence, men who commit the most murders, men who are responsible for the vast majority of rape and sexual violence, men who turn the majority of their emotions into anger as default.

In healthy relationships and marriages both men and women are vulnerable with each other. They have to be to communicate effectively, to fully understand each other, to be able to support each other.

Unhealthy toxic relationships lead to both parties being unable to be vulnerable with each other. And if you have got with a woman that finds male vulnerability off putting, what is it you guys say “choose better”

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-01-25T10:50:36+00:00

There is no way to actually maintain a healthy adult relationship if you are not both vulnerable with each other at some points.

We need to stop pretending men are these stoic beings (it’s always from other men too) all it’s doing is increasing mens mental health issues. Male mentors! Ha! Where are these mentors when young men shoot up schools or three themselves off bridges.

Communicating openly with your partner is the only way for a relationship to grow. If you genuinely believe a woman will dumb a man who opens up then you should probably avoid woman for a long time or get help

AssPlay69420 · 2025-01-25T14:42:51+00:00

Vulnerability in men can be awkward because it can be rare

But it’s also one of those risk/reward things

If you’re never “face down, ass up” for a partner, you’re never really going to get to know them and you’ll spend years wasting your time on someone that’s a roommate at best

Yes, vulnerability can be used against men but I think the extent of it is exaggerated and the risk of not being vulnerable is actually worse

If a woman does get the ick from your vulnerability, at least you know

Don’t spend your life forever having to wonder if someone else loves you for who you actually are

ZoneLow6872 · 2025-01-25T16:07:07+00:00

I feel kinda sad for you OP. If we weren't able to share our deepest emotions, I wouldn't be married to my husband for 30 years. He absolutely can be vulnerable with me, just like I feel safe being vulnerable with him. You don't have to change your opinion, obviously, but you are missing out on true connection with your partner and that's sad, for you as well as them.

kohlakult · 2025-01-25T19:15:17+00:00

Strong women can handle it, weak women who want to be babied, can't.

Vulnerability expressed as anger will usually result in a complete shutdown from many women. Clinginess and neediness and wanting to be mothered will also result in a shutdown. That's not actually being vulnerable but emotionally immature. Are you sure you are not conflating the two?

Men who can communicate their issues and needs are ADORABLE in my book. I love being around them. Men who bang me over the head with insults and yelling because they can't handle their emotions, have self esteem issues or are insecure in front of me, I'd like to run faaaar away from.

Many women are sold the idea of a strong stoic man by a culture that encourages men to be strong and stoic, so yes a woman who hasn't questioned that will act this way.

However I know many women who also act almost like moms to their partners... It's only awful when it's all the time and he never grows up. I personally love being there for a guy who can open up and it makes me feel like I know him and am intimate with him. It's a huge turn on.

womandatory · 2025-01-26T00:12:00+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve dated such shitty women. Looks like you need help to pick better, because this is terrible advice. Vulnerability brings couples closer. Stop dating immature, cruel women and you’ll be just fine.

Appropriate_Cow1378 · 2025-01-25T10:00:13+00:00

Well, you could always date and have sex with exclusively men if you think women are unstable and unreliable.

Direct-Alternative70 · 2025-01-27T10:04:07+00:00

No one wants someone who whines.

Thats not being vulnerable. Having an emotional connection is necessary for relationships.

Being a cry baby ruins relationships.

If a man or woman cries and complains over eveything they need to get their shit together.

throwawaycat64 · 2025-01-27T10:53:27+00:00

It depends on what kind of woman he chooses to be his partner.
Some women are emotionally immature, emotionally unintelligent, have never been put in a situation where they need to be the emotional support. While trusted male friends or mentors are also important, emotional support is part of a healthy relationship.

Quinfie · 2025-01-27T11:34:14+00:00

I was unpleasantly surprised when my mom said she left a guy for crying. "If a man cries in front of me it's over". Wow mom, lol

Technical_Ad_6200 · 2025-01-27T15:51:49+00:00

I wouldn't say it's a rule but I agree. Maybe because I'm such a man. I care only about what I can change and ignore what I can't control and it's so rooted in my brain, I don't even have to keep that in mind, it's just automatic.

Often I see my girlfriend to be bothered about things out of her control and it sucks for her.

Don't care what other think, focus to be best version of yourself. We got one life, what's the reason to not see what we are capable off?

I realize sometimes it's primitive "bro attitude" or how to call it but it really works well.

PS: Don't be arrogant. That's not confidence, that's insecurity. Treat others with respect.

Boxisteph · 2025-01-28T19:58:18+00:00

Women like vulnerability. They dislike dysregulation. No-one likes male dysregulation. Even men don't. Like it.

zyzyverssaint · 2025-01-25T18:04:14+00:00

That doesn't sound particularly blue pill.

A woman only need a man's honesty. His vulnerability and true feelings are for trusted male friends or mentors. That's why healthy male circle are a must for a man's growth

If this is true, then why would men want to be in relationships with women? What is a romantic relationship without emotional intimacy and vulnerability?

You're saying men need to mask their emotions out in the world, only to come home and need to mask them even harder? That just sounds exhausting.

HappyCat79 · 2025-01-25T19:02:48+00:00

I think this is stupid and not a way to have a healthy LTR.

Being vulnerable is literally how you build meaningful intimate relationships and reinforce trust and love. Intimacy isn’t just sex, in fact, that’s the least intimate form of intimacy. True intimacy is sharing your emotions and being vulnerable with one another and then being validated and supported in a loving way.

If you’re a man who is with a woman who rejects you for being vulnerable then she wasn’t going to be a good partner for you in the long-term. It’s a great way to filter out the bad ones.

abrazenbeauty · 2025-01-25T20:59:39+00:00

Stop conflating vulnerability with emotional intelligence. Just stop.

Dangerous-Specific26 · 2025-01-25T22:06:13+00:00

I’m vulnerable with my girl and it’s fine

When I see all these posts on Reddit about women not being able to handle men being emotionally open I kinda get confused since if a girl treated me that poorly then I would break up with her

Weary_Media_7403 · 2025-01-25T23:09:21+00:00

If women are accused by trp of being overly emotional, irrational etc, how can they also complain that men aren't "allowed" by society/women to be vulnerable?

throwawaytradesman2 · 2025-01-26T01:27:38+00:00

Men should never be vulnerable around women, because women will use that shit against them. Get into any sort of an argument or dispute later on and all gloves are off with women.

Toadipher · 2025-01-26T05:13:11+00:00

Yikes

ClimateFactorial · 2025-01-26T12:30:15+00:00

My main thoughts are that this sub has a lot of very broken people in it who have an extremely biased, jaded, opinion of the world.

FrameWorried8852 · 2025-01-26T15:53:45+00:00

Yea, this sub proves how little women can handle men's emotions.

Ok-Active8747 · 2025-01-26T18:34:05+00:00

I agree men should be honest not vulnerable. Being vulnerable is generally used as a weapon against men. Women don’t really want a vulnerable man. The ones that say this, it’s because they are or want to be the one in power in the relationship.

Women aren’t more emotionally intelligent than men they generally are more empathetic than men.

Men really should let women tell them how they should act or feel because they would label us as sexist if we told women how to act and feel.

Comfortable-Price-59 · 2025-01-26T21:19:09+00:00

Don’t spew this rhetoric and then complain about the epidemic of loneliness in men.

Autumn_Forest_Mist · 2025-01-27T05:13:18+00:00

Disagree. I love when men share their emotions, not violent rage of course, and share their troubles with me. I hate stoic guys. But I’m a natural born counselor and love easing people’s pain, if it is possible. Some issues can’t be fixed.

obviouslymoose · 2025-01-29T03:05:34+00:00

I’ve heard this and I do believe it’s real. I’m a woman so I don’t have first hand experience.

It’s the worst of our lot. It honestly shames me as a woman that women treat men this way.

Awkwardasp · 2025-04-12T10:52:02+00:00

This is absurd. Women can handle men’s emotions, probably better than most men that exist in this emotionally stunted and repressed patriarchal society. If, as a man, you don’t pull on your female friends or partners to support you emotionally you’re missing out on a crucial support system.

deadhead1963 · 2025-06-11T13:09:09+00:00

If you're vulnerable, most women will use that against you. The key is to give them enough disinformation that when they use it against you it doesn't matter because it's disinformation

PomeloLarge8466 · 2025-06-29T18:41:53+00:00

This is such an important topic, and honestly, I used to believe that "just be completely open and vulnerable" advice too. It sounds good on paper, but in reality, it often backfires because women subconsciously want to feel your steadiness, not carry your emotional burden.

I learned (the hard way) that when a man is vulnerable with a woman, it has to be from a place of grounded strength, not raw chaos. Dumping unprocessed feelings or looking for reassurance actually makes her feel like she has to step into the masculine role — and that’s where respect and attraction start dying fast.

What helped me massively was understanding the difference between emotional honesty and emotional dumping. There’s a huge difference between sharing your feelings after you've processed them versus leaning on her to fix you.

I actually came across this super in-depth breakdown that explained it better than anything I’ve seen. It talks about the "5 fatal attraction mistakes" men make and exactly what to do instead to keep her respect and desire.

If you're interested, here’s the article that really shifted my perspective: When a Man Is Vulnerable With a Woman: 5 Fatal Attraction Mistakes (And What to Do Instead).

I genuinely recommend giving it a read — it helped me understand how to show depth without killing attraction. Curious to hear if others had a similar realization too.

TheJinxieNL · 2025-01-25T10:35:09+00:00

Emotions and vulnerability :👍🏻

Trauma dumping, whiny and moody :👎🏻

A lot of men think those are the same things. They are not.

bluehorserunning · 2025-01-25T14:50:21+00:00

‘Men should have the emotional self-regulatory capacity of a functioning adult’ !=. ‘Women can’t handle man’s emotions. ‘

ScottHeatley · 2025-01-25T19:48:19+00:00

There is a difference between being vulnerable and emotionally dumping on a woman. I think thats what a lot of guys do and they scare a woman off. She doesn't feel safe with a guy like that.

To be honest, I don't like it when a woman does that to me, it shows a lack of self control and an unstable personality. I've not had great experiences with women like that.

People need to get their sh!t together before they get into a relationship. Nothing shines a glaring light on all your issues like an intimate relationship.

I do think having your emotions in check, being able to manage them and not letting them control you is good practice for anyone. Especially for men.

VividlyDissociating · 2025-01-25T19:54:23+00:00

um.. what?? i absolutely can handle my man's emotions.

my bf is the one who cannot handle my emotions, let alone his own emotions. but, to his credit, he has gotten significantly better about it.

idk about other women, but i lose respect for people in general when they have meltdowns, tantrums, over shit that just simply doesn't warrant such a reaction. thats the type of emotions i cannot handle and have little to no patience for, especially if I'm trying to have a necessary conversation like the adults that we are.

thats the only emotions i cannot handle.

exclusions are when someone has been having a buildup of stress and something was the final straw.

if a man truly cannot be vulnerable with his partner, then he needs to rethink his relationship or seekout a friend he can be vulnerable with.

women who cannot handle men's emotions are typically the same type of women who are looking for a daddy figure in a partner to make them feel safe 24/7 and take care of everything.

if thats the type of woman a man wants and thats the type of man he wants to be, then he has to accept the dynamics of that relationship.

I'm not like that and ik there are a lot of women who also arent. i want an actual partner.

Appropriate_Cow1378 · 2025-01-25T10:36:14+00:00

If women are bad at supporting men emotionally, why do you suppose that studies find married men are much more likely to be happier and less depressed?

Conversely, why do you think the inverse is true? why do you think married women are more likely to be depressed?

No-Description4322 · 2025-01-25T10:08:02+00:00

I think men should shit test women. Display negative emotions overtly and see how she reacts. Don't act, but don't sugrcoat your feelings either. If she leaves she leaves.

Do not emotional labour fr the women you are with. No husband duties for girlfriends (in this case no emotional repression either)

attendquoi · 2025-01-25T15:57:32+00:00

There's a massive difference between being vulnerable and trauma dumping. I'm not a mental healthcare professional, so I'm not going to put up with the latter.

Title	A man should never be vulnerable with his partner, since women can't handle men's emotions
Author	Artistic_Speech_1965
Upvotes	76
Comments	641
Date	January 25, 2025 9:53 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1i9jq21/a_man_should_never_be_vulnerable_with_his_partner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-man-should-never-be-vulnerable-with-his-partner.1542107 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542107

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