Why is when it comes to age gap relationships, people assume there must be an agenda with the couple?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-01-08T13:57:20+00:00

People are going to see age gaps a certain way and think what they think. Who cares?

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-01-08T14:36:15+00:00

why would anyone even pay attention to what other people think about their legal "age gap" relationships?

Natural-Tear-2899 · 2024-01-08T16:55:14+00:00

Always makes me laugh when men say it's only older women complaining because they're jealous. A lot of young women think it's gross. A lot of fathers think it's gross. Personally, if they're over 20, it's fine by me. Under that is weird & pushing it. Im 23 btw & was hit on so much in my teens that it's easy to see why older, actually matured women find it disturbing. The only women you'll get by bringing down older women are pick mes thinking they'll never get old, & I say good luck w that lol

MongoBobalossus · 2024-01-08T13:04:52+00:00

Depends on the circumstances. I do find it creepy when a way older man or woman has a “friendship” with a teenager that magically morphs into a sexual relationship the moment that teen reaches legal age.

oneblackcoffeeplease · 2024-01-08T12:32:38+00:00

How big an age gap are we talking about?

Because everything +/- 7 years is of no interest to anyone and is often not visually recognizable

obviousredflag · 2024-01-08T12:41:37+00:00

You should stop extrapolating from your weird outlier position in every thread. Most people who end up in age gap relationships have a preference for that. You are together because you are both autists. The age gap is just coincidence.

Safinated · 2024-01-08T14:17:07+00:00

Because they’re an outlier

Especially when they are characterized by a parent - child age difference

safestuff987 · 2024-01-08T19:03:38+00:00

I find it's mostly older women that get triggered by seeing age-gap relationships with an older man. My guess is that a lot of these older women are jealous, insecure, or bitter.

Yes, it's true that there are some older guys who date younger women because they have some sort of agenda. But guess what? Every single demographic of person (gender, age, orientation, etc) in the dating pool can have an agenda, or worse yet be predatory. There are young dudes who seek out insecure women their age. There are young women who seek out guys their age (or older) who are easy to manipulate and take advantage of. There are older women who seek out younger guys because they're easier to mold; so maybe from these older women there's a bit of projection here?

Fabulous_HonestTea · 2024-01-08T12:43:27+00:00

“Age gap” relationships are the exact same as all relationships - they form if the woman decides for them to form.

RevolutionaryFig929 · 2024-01-08T13:01:23+00:00

Dud just give a shit about other people, it's not important to please them, you can do everything "they tell you", but at the end they don't care if "you are happy".

So just decide your morals for yourself (assuming nothing illegal obviously) and that's it.

RinoaRita · 2024-01-08T17:07:21+00:00

It really depends on the age and gap. Like a 55 and 40 is not even an eye brow raise. 35 and 20 seems more “let’s take a closer look”.

In the end people are free to date whoever once they are 18 but there’s a big difference between government getting involved and the 18 year old’s mom/dad getting involved when they bring home someone whose age is more appropriate for their 45 year old parent to date.

bluepvtstorm · 2024-01-08T13:34:26+00:00

As a woman who is older, I am creeped out by age gap relationships because I remember when men were trying to do it to me. They were trying to use their age to control me. They were so wise and smart and more experienced and I should be thankful that they are interested in help poor young me, figure out life.

They were not any of those things but they tried it. They kept talking about how older women are bitter as I am watching their terrible habits. They talked about how great it was I didn’t have much sexual experience while being absolutely terrible in bed.

So when I see them, I am always reminded how me and my friends were some sort of trophy for old men who couldn’t compete in the dating world.

The grossest part was going to an all girls high school and watching grown men park in front of the school daily.

Creation_Soul · 2024-01-08T13:07:59+00:00

it's not an automatic red-flag for me, but it is a yellow one for sure. Nobody reasonable will try to break them up, but instead will probably had a 1-on-1 task talk with the younger person to make sure they are ok.

Whether it's warranted or not, large age-gap relationship do have a bad reputation. Combine that with how relatively rare they are, it kinda becomes an automatic yellow-flag.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-01-08T14:21:56+00:00

The main problem with age gaps, beyond the control factor, is experience as an adult in the adult world. As you spend time in the adult world, you establish someone for yourself to be- your identity, your values, etc. These may change over time, but they are established, and they are very different from your understanding of them when you were not yet an adult.

The reason this leads to problems in age gaps is because it leads to people with full, experienced lives going after people who have not experienced any life and haven't established themselves. That's also why there is a difference between, say "20 year old and 30 year old" versus "30 year old and 40 year old". The first two are in vast different parts of their lives than the second two.

A relationship in which you are both established adults means you can mold your lives together. A relationship in which one is an established adult and the other is not means the older person isn't expected to actually respect the young person's humanity: he can mold his younger partner however he wants, and the partner is expected to just go along with it. It's disrespectful to your partner to not be willing to make the same sacrifices that you expect of them. Even if you had no bad or controlling intentions, your relationship is built from the grounds of your partner not being equal to you.

RorschachRosettes · 2024-01-08T21:33:30+00:00

Personally, I don't have it out for age gap relationships after a certain point. After 23/25, it's all fair game. If you're 30 and you feel like your soulmate is 50, enjoy. I will say that if the older person in question is a complete loser with no money, then it's most definitely one hell of a red flag but love is love and I'm not really invested enough what strangers do with their genitals to put a lot of genuine care into their relationships.

I will say there are SOME agendas at play, but its very specific. For example, when I was 18-20, I knew a few (not a lot, but a few) girls get into relationships with men in their 30s and its no surprise that those guys were total losers, who went on to eventually emotionally and/or physically abuse these girls. The age gap in those situations were the result of the older person's immaturity and general inadequacy. They ended up beating or abusing these women as a way of keeping them stunted and at the "30" year old's level. If you're ever in an age gap relationship and the older person does not help you grow or use their resources towards investing in your success, they are not with you for the right reasons.

But if we're talking 25+? Graduated college, entered the workforce and making their own adult money? The world is your oyster and by that age, you'll have a better understanding of the world and what you need and want in order to be successful. In fact, I encourage women in that age group to start considering men at least 5 years older than them so that they can accomplish their family planning goals without having to sift through the fuckboy majority in their age group.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-01-08T21:41:21+00:00

When both people are past their early 20s and the gap isn’t huge (like parent/child age difference), most people really don’t care. It’s definitely creepy when an older adult is suddenly in a serious relationship with an 18-19 yr old who they knew when that person was underage. Like we know you did not just magically get interested when they turned legal... that’s grooming.

Now when we’re talking about a large age gap between two fully mature adults, I wouldn’t say it’s predatory, but yes people will still assume intentions. Like if a 30 yr old woman is with a 70 yr old guy, people will assume she doesn’t just love him for his wonderful personality and that she’s a gold digger, and that he’s delusional. And usually this is true to some degree, but I figure if it works for them, it works, and it’s really not my business.

chickenfriedsteakdin · 2024-01-09T13:25:26+00:00

Pure jealousy for many. The comments I receive was mostly directed at the women I date as if the younger woman was stealing from their dating pool

katecard · 2024-01-08T13:28:00+00:00

There often is an agenda. Ask a man who dates younger women what is views on women honestly are. He won't think very highly of them.
Women are disgusted by age gaps, creeped out, and dehumanized by them. They are sometimes unable to articulate that, so they just state generic reasons like power imbalance even if that might not be what they mean.

MistyMaisel · 2024-01-08T16:28:20+00:00

As someone else said, stop extrapolating your stuff to others.

But, secondarily, look, I don't give a fig what certain age gaps are doing and I don't assume an agenda. A 50 year old dating a 40 year old, go for it. Sounds like the Brady Bunch in the making. A 30 year old and a 40 year old, wild, have fun.

But when a 30+ year old is dating a 19 or very early 20s year old, there is an agenda. Their awareness of that agenda is neither here nor there. I say this, because no 30+ year old should ever allow themselves to end up in a scenario or mind space or such where they are forming an attachment with the 19 year old. Work isn't some magic fairy wand to wave to change that. Don't do it. Walk away. People act like oh this relationship stuff just happens, I just fell over into it, I slipped, I tripped, and all of a sudden I was going to dinner with a 19 year old, how could this happen, I don't even know. NO. That's not how life works. You had a series of opportunities not to do that and you did it. Your agenda is to date a person you shouldn't be dating. And you probably know this somewhat or you wouldn't need this salve and excuse of "work".

Now, with that said, I can't stop you, and if it works out, grand. But come on, we all know this isn't some "oopsie doopsie" situation.

wtknight · 2024-01-08T13:11:05+00:00

It’s assumed because it is assumed that couples that date should be roughly the same mental maturity level. Otherwise, it seems that there might be an unhealthy power dynamic occurring.

gntlbastard · 2024-01-08T16:17:02+00:00

Because the average person is bored as fuck with their own lives and the only way they can find meaning is by claiming that everyone else around them is some nefarious mastermind who is up to no good.

Pristine-Can3719 · 2024-01-08T15:47:36+00:00

Listen,it is only older women who say some shit about age-gap relationships.

Why?Simple.They lost their youth and are jealous.

checkeredvansweedman · 2024-01-08T13:06:19+00:00

Women have always liked older men because they are richer, more established, more rugged looking compared to their baby faced peers. It’s women who are jealous of these relationships that say age gaps are bad.

McTitty3000 · 2024-01-08T17:19:06+00:00

Because we're in a culture where everybody thinks they have to diagnose everything, but I hope the fact that a lot of people openly crap on age gap relationships means that we can go back to crapping on previous relationships that we find "gross" or "creepy" and that they can't use "Love is Love" as an excuse anymore haha

Katlanika · 2024-01-08T13:39:44+00:00

Honestly sometimes it's just not that deep. I've never dated a guy anywhere remotely near my age because I had nothing to talk to them about. When they were 14, going to school and kicking a footy, I was working full time and living by myself.

I had more life experience because of how I was raised, my husband is 9 years older than me and we were mentally and socially a perfect match.

It was certainly nothing to do with money or power, he was poor as dirt.

John_Oakman · 2024-01-08T13:07:20+00:00

Because all motives are assessed as ulterior motives in modern society.

This is also one of [many] reasons that singleness is rising amongst the younger population: remove all motives will result in nothing happening due to lack of motivations.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2024-01-08T16:22:07+00:00

Who gives a fuck what other people think about your relationship. Unless they are paying your bills they have no say in it. Even if it were your parents. They chose to have you on this earth, so they need to shut the fuck up. Don't give other people power over you.

tadL · 2024-01-08T14:45:31+00:00

Ah it's just females complaining.

The mother of my children is 10 years younger. The only people that ever attacked me / us or even talked about it were females. Jealous leftovers.

Pathosgrim · 2024-01-08T19:31:25+00:00

It's just bitter, old, and jealous women assuming that the men have an agenda. Sure, some men may have an agenda, but... So do "you" women. These are the same women who rejected these men from 10+ years ago due to the latter's income, lack of experience, and social status standing. The dating climate is rigged thus it will continue to produce these scenarios in which men go for younger women/foreign women.

mods_have_small_ween · 2024-01-10T20:51:49+00:00

Women date older men, end of story. Why? because they are attracted to them for many reasons.

apresonly · 2024-01-08T16:19:48+00:00

because seeking out a power differential in a relationship in which you have more power than the other person means you have an agenda

AreOut · 2024-01-08T12:54:58+00:00

"especially since the RP has made it worse by wanting to date certain ages only"

if you want to date with the goal of having marriage and 2-3 kids then the woman must be younger than 30 or so, I mean in extreme circumstances she can be 35 and still pop 2-3 kids but the complications with pregnancy increase with age

Zabadoodude · 2024-01-08T17:08:48+00:00

This has also been my experience. Some people just don't care about age that much. It seems weird to me to exclude most potential dating partners because the happened to be born a fee years before or after you. My gf is 9 years younger than me. My ex was 3 years older.

ATasteofTx214 · 2024-01-09T03:14:42+00:00

There almost always has to be an intention behind meeting someone intimately of another generation. The speculation around that attention leads to assumptions

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PrecisionHat · 2024-01-08T16:56:21+00:00

It's just bias at work. That's it. Not very complicated.

People, typically women, can argue till they are blue in the face about power imbalance and the potential for manipulaton, abuse, forced dependency, but it's all just an assumption, a stereotype.

If we educated young people on what healthy relationships look like, in general, and how to avoid the pitfalls that can occur no matter the age of the partners, that would be enough to cover any age differences.

The particular hatred of age gap relationships is born only from bias and ageism. It dehumanizes both partners in the relationship, ignoring any individuality they have and categorizing them unnecessarily.

Fantastic_Drop_3852 · 2024-01-08T18:39:36+00:00

It not that people assume an agenda. Its that we know its a mating strategy and one thats not really conducive to lasting marriages or happy kids most of the time. Aslo vary rarely are both parties in age gap relationships are seen as "catches" by their peers

Altruistic_Talk_828 · 2024-01-08T21:08:06+00:00

Because that's the most likely explanation.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2024-01-09T02:55:26+00:00

Because there usually is.

A 1995 book by Yueh-Ting Lee et al. argued that stereotypes are sometimes accurate.[73] Similarly, a 2015 study by Jussim et al. reviewed four studies of racial stereotypes, and seven studies of gender stereotypes regarding demographic characteristics, academic achievement, personality and behavior, and argued that some aspects of ethnic and gender stereotypes are accurate while stereotypes concerning political affiliation and nationality are much less accurate.

KorinTowerFreeloader · 2024-01-09T11:25:23+00:00

It's funny because a lot of younger women (late teens, early 20s) chase older men (mid-20s, late 20s), but then, when they hit 30s, they suddenly oppose age-gap relationships. If a 6/10 man in his mid-30s had a chance to date a fellow 6/10 woman when they were both 20, he wouldn't be single in his 30s. The problem is, when such a man was 20, he was probably largely invisible to women who were chasing Chads, a lot of the times older Chads. Hence, why should he settle for the same women who spent the last decade rejecting him? Therefore, such a man has no choice but to pursue, say, a mid-20s girl now that he has some status, money, perhaps a more refined look and actually has a chance of getting someone at his level. Nevertheless, it explains the bitterness, especially among the 30s women, who feel entitled to someone their age because they think they are in the same desirability leagues ( a normal-looking, skinny, average-height man has a completely different value to a normal-looking, skinny, average height woman). Long story short, women skewed the dating market and created the market for a lot of these age-gap relationships.

SteveSan82 · 2024-01-12T06:44:48+00:00

If I want kids, I am not wasting my time with a woman over 25. It's biology

Why is when it comes to age gap relationships, people assume there must be an agenda with the couple?

Comments

MeToo is for sexual harassment, not flirting.

Title	Why is when it comes to age gap relationships, people assume there must be an agenda with the couple?
Author	harmonica2
Upvotes	4
Comments	285
Date	January 8, 2024 12:25 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/191k2y5/why_is_when_it_comes_to_age_gap_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-when-it-comes-to-age-gap-relationships.1242516 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242516