Is there something wrong with being a girl that wants a high n count?

pepeAVATARofKEK · 2017-02-15T02:04:54+00:00

Becoming a crackhead might make me happier for the next few days or weeks, but long-term it will hurt me. Your immediate happiness is not the most important thing.

CptButtertits · 2017-02-17T06:47:10+00:00

I'd like to take a crack at this from the opposite side of the gender divide.

You are a virgin and you decide that you want to have sex but instead of just one you want all the dicks. That is fine but there are some things you may not be taking into account past the idealistic wanting to gain the experience.

Guys don't care much for easy lays. They will take advantage of them but that sets the expectations for the relationship low. They call or text then you bang. So it will most likely never move beyond that for them but you might get attached you might fall in love with them and no matter how much effort you put into the relationship they will most likely always just see it as easy lay.

Other women and people will judge you for it because one of those guys you spread open for might be dating or seeing someone else or maybe the girl just likes him and yet he is always going home with you.

You will get the reputation as that girl.

Eventually you will run out of attractive guys to bang who also want to bang you and aren't turned off that you have also slept with most of their friends

That stuff may come back to haunt you later. It is a small world and you never know when your past can come back and screw you.

I personally don't think that a low to medium n-count is all that bad for women. Personally I always hated teaching sex to a partner or how awkward it sometimes got to constantly have to alter her positions or coach her through certain things. But just like anything else sex can become addicting because of the pleasure and the excitement involved and I think that because sex is much easier to achieve as a women then as a man it sets off of alot of men's alarms and even if you would have been their perfect partner knowing that you went threw half of the college is a real turn off and could ruin the relationship before you ever even said hello.

Katiehistory · 2017-02-14T21:12:15+00:00

I belong to a lot of forums,there are always tonnes of girls saying their fwb doesn't have feelings for them,used them,do they like me etc.Its mostly from women these posts - so yes I think I can conclude women get more emotionally attached.

I'm lucky I have a huge sex drive,but I could never ever have sacred sex with someone who was not a soulmate, which has left me in a good state emotionally and in terms of no promiscuity.

SaucyBanter · 2017-02-14T18:34:01+00:00

28 days ago you had a boyfriend; is he still around? And if you had a high sex drive and were insecure because you were a virgin, why didn't you have sex with him?

nymphelle · 2017-02-14T18:22:09+00:00

As someone who started sleeping around in high school, it's not all it's cracked up to be. I understand wanting to party and try new things, but having a high n isn't something to aspire to.

redpillstori · 2017-02-14T18:38:40+00:00

Let me just say that having an n count definitely affects your SMV and RMV. I can actually kind of tell if a girl has a high n count when I meet them without even asking, and it definitely affects my opinion of them. I would never enter a relationship with a woman I believe has a high n count. It will change you in ways you might not even notice, but high quality guys will. Trust me. Of course, it's your life so do what you want with it.

Disclaimer: I am a guy.

loneliness-inc · 2017-02-14T22:09:07+00:00

But is it truly wrong if I think it might make me happier?

If it makes you happy, knock yourself out. TRP and RPW are amoral. However, if you're like most women out there, you're likely to wake up one day 3, 5 or 10 years from now with deep regrets over your wild past.

You may also come to realize that a high number of sexual partners may negatively impact your chances of landing a high quality man to marry and start a family with.

If marriage and family aren't your thing, you can be from the small percentage of women who are truly okay with being lifelong prostitutes, escorts and call girls.

bchsweetheart · 2017-02-14T17:48:22+00:00

Do whatever makes you happy. Just be safe and use condoms and bc to prevent STDs and pregnancy. Your health and happiness should always come first. Just be aware that not everyone will be supportive of your choice. It's also important to be honest with yourself and your partner(s). You should also be aware that this will make your pool of dating/potential partners smaller in terms of finding someone to settle down with later on but I'm guessing you don't want the type of men who would shame you for your past.

HappyLollie · 2017-02-14T20:22:19+00:00

You do know there's a difference between being sexually open and a total slut. You don't need to be a virgin to land a high SMV man (chances are he to would have also had his 'fun') but having too many partners you run the risk of ruining your chances with someone good if they think you've been too promiscuous, you don't want to lie about your N-count to new partners it sets a bad tone for the rest of your relationship to follow on.

Truthfully if you want to explore your sexuality I'll encourage you to find a boyfriend or FWB who you'll completely trust to keep your newfound exploration between just you two, you don't need to sleep with tons of men to work out what you like just be open and willing to try new things, just make sure to always use protection!

Willow-girl · 2017-02-15T04:59:14+00:00

Sex between consenting adults isn't "wrong" in my books! But acknowledge the risks (pregnancy, disease, a broken heart if you get the unrequited feelz for someone). It ain't all fun and games!

Mssweetnsassy · 2017-02-15T06:54:59+00:00

I'm not gonna chime in to give my full opinion on why I think you shouldn't do what your considering, it's your life and all that. Plus other ladies have mentioned all the valid points already, but I just wanted you to have a read of a girl who is on the other side of what your considering.... https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5tiktr/high_n_count_have_reformed_now_no_sex_before/

EDIT: I just wanted to add, no one is saying sleeping around is bad directly, we are saying it is unhealthy and will lead towards unhappiness later, whether or not it's bad is up to you.

UnrefinedFacade · 2017-02-15T11:52:45+00:00

This is my personal experience, YMMV.

I grew up thinking party girls, sexually liberated women, etc. had more fun. It seemed like every other movie and tv show celebrated being as sexual as you want. I did not have a good role model to teach me otherwise, so I had all the "fun" I wanted. As a result I have a high n count.

I did eventually want to get married, but I took for granted that in this liberated society no one should have a problem with my n count; they would understand I was just enjoying my youth, right? I got lucky and married a sailor who has a more impressive history that I do and wasn't too bothered by my past (which I disclosed to him when he directly asked). And I was lucky to have met my husband once I reached a point where vetting for a LTR became important to me. But many guys wouldn't be okay with it. By upping your n count unnecessarily you risk your health, and emasculating/turning off any future partners. Which isn't a great idea if your eventual goal is to be married or in a long term committed relationship.

Having lots of sex sounds great, right? Except when you get plated and he only calls when he feels like it. Or you get the reputation as easy and all of your male friends think they can figuratively line up for their opportunity. In the end it leads to a lot of lonely nights coping with the fact that the person/people you want don't really want you back. So you either chase the best guy you can find (who isn't really interested in turning a plate into a GF) or you get so lonely you settle for someone you wouldn't have otherwise just to have a consistent partner and something resembling a relationship. I don't completely regret my past, but I wish like hell I had been more selective, because some of those numbers were a complete waste of my time and added nothing positive to my life. I am left with lingering guilt over poor choices.

Approaching the opposite sex as a buffet of d*ck is effective, you CAN have all of the sex you want because it is very easy for a woman to get laid. But you wont like all of the sex you get. I've been raped for getting myself into a bad situation (twice). These were people I knew who thought that since I was easy they deserved a shot, regardless of what I said or that I tried to stop them. When you have a lot of promiscuous sex people find out and they stop viewing you as a woman with the ability to make her own decisions. You become a slut. It may not be fair, but it is true.

I will give you the advice I wish someone had given me. Vet, vet, vet and find someone worthy of your V card and your attention. Then go crazy with that person. If it doesn't work out repeat the cycle. You will still get the sex you need, but doing so in a committed relationship will prevent you from adding on excessive numbers for no good reason.

VigilantRedRooster · 2017-02-14T18:06:30+00:00

Women who have lots of sexual partners often find it hard to effectively pair-bond later in life, THAT is the main reason why RPW recommends against casual sex with multiple partners.

A college age virgin comes closest to a SMV unicorn in the Relationship marketplace. If you want to marry a high quality partner for life, this is one of your greatest bargaining chips.

Instead of sleeping with a bunch of guys, why not date to vet for a quality LTR partner and sleep with this one man a bunch of times? Riding the CC would be a huge detriment to RMV, the impact of a LTR partner is so relatively low as to be negligible in comparison.

Kurai_Sen · 2017-02-15T05:50:25+00:00

TRP is amoral, like another user has said. All it does is lay down the reality and give information, what you choose to do with that information is up to you.

What is your endgame? That's the most important. Where do you see yourself in ten, twenty, thirty years? And yes, that amount of foresight is needed, it is what is going to separate you from your cat/ dog. Spend a while not to think of the short term happiness, but long term happiness.

The community here on RPW is very different from what you might be used to. Most of the people here want to settle down, either in an LTR or marriage, with a good partner. RPW specifically gives advice to landing a good high quality man who will stay with you into your eighties.

It all depends on what your endgame is. If you are a very career focused woman who would find it hard to commit, then having a lot of sex will help you out there. If you want to settle with a good relationship however, there might be a bit of a problem.

Your choice is what matters. People here can only give advice pertaining to what they've already seen. Your life cannot be lived through strangers on the internet, so they cannot really know you. Only you can.

Whatever you choose to do, make sure that it makes you happy, and that when you look back in decades, you don't regret it.

It looks like a big decision, then I suggest taking some time out for an objective look at yourself and some interospection.

BanachTarskiParadox · 2017-02-14T20:44:18+00:00

What's your goal?

Statistically speaking, women seem to experience much better sex within long term relationships than during short term flings., because trust and relaxation are such a huge part of being able to be sexually satisfied. Aside from that, getting good at sex is about learning your partner, not learning how to please some generic person.

I waited until my husband and I got engaged to have sex. Because he cares, he made my first time good. He was careful and can locate a clitoris (he's not super experienced either, actually, just considerate and willing to spend time to figure things out), so I wasn't in pain and I got an orgasm. Since then, since getting more experience with each other, he can blow my mind. We once lost count at 20 orgasms in one session. Waiting to have sex doesn't mean that you'll only ever have uninspiring sex. It just means that you're not sleeping around a bunch.

Frankly, I think the more experience you have that you can compare against later, the less happy you'll be. No one is everything. But your brain will create a composite image that you'll be tempted to compare a real man to, and that's no good.

I have a very high sex drive. It got higher once my husband mastered giving me multiple orgasms. I recommend a vibrator.

Also, even though you think that you can just fuck around without making an emotional connection, that's usually not how it works. Even going into something, knowing it's casual, women tend to end up with an emotional connection. My mother is a feminist and a liberal. She also works with teenagers daily as a pediatrician, and spends a certain amount of time extolling the virtues of masturbation, because she sees the emotional toll casual sex has on teenage girls (while a broken relationship can trouble a guy, casual sex tends not to). Not to mention dealing with the stds and pregnancies.

If it does make you happy, I don't think it's terrible to sleep around. But I don't think it's likely to turn out how you want.

Banincoming · 2017-02-14T19:31:43+00:00

Most of the women on this sub want a lifelong excellent relationship with a single excellent partner. All the advice here is towards reaching that goal.

If that's not what would make you happy on your deathbed, go and pursue your desires.

Many people see a high N count as a negative though. So if your long term goal is to be with someone who would mighy less of you upon learning you slept with the football team, don't.

HelloNeo · 2017-02-14T20:12:33+00:00

Do what you want. Some men, especially more liberal and modern ones, care less about N count. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences of your choices, good or bad. Personally, I think it's not your current N count that would put many men off. It's your curiosity and "what if the grass is greener on the other side" mentality that comes across as a red flag in regards to a long-term relationship.

est-la-lune · 2017-02-14T20:00:35+00:00

Sex is an important part of relationships and I think men want a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality and has some experience; it's better for both partners that way.

You know how it's a red flag when a person trashes all their exes because it reflects poorly on their ability to attract and choose a quality partner? The same principle applies to N-count. If you have a lot of partners, then it reflects poorly on your ability to attract and choose long-term quality partners. It's antithetical to the underlying principles of a LTR.

At some point in your life you may in fact decide to settle down, even though that's not the case now. The RPW philosophy says this is easier to do when your N-count is low (see above).

Now onto some math:

E=N*f, where E= experience, N= # of partners, and f= amount of sexual encounters. For some value of experience, you can either increase the number of partners and have a few encounters each (hookups), or decrease the number of partners and have many encounters each (relationships).

So if you think you may want to settle down someday, and agree with the RPW philosophy that it's easier to do so if your N-count is low, you can very well satiate your high sex drive by having a lot of sex with a small number of people. Nobody asks you "How many times did you sleep with John Doe?" because most people don't keep track. In fact, I'd recommend that if you want to have sex but you're not ready for a serious relationship, find someone who's willing to agree to a long-term FWB arrangement, keep yourself safe, communicate your needs, but ultimately do what makes you happy.

pizzae · 2017-02-14T23:28:39+00:00

Do whatever you like as long as you accept the consequences that result from your choices.

But generally, the people of RPW are more happier and fulfilled, containing the chaos in their lives. Most people on this planet let the chaos control their lives. And so, life, their desires, their emotions, their animalistic brain controls them, and not the other way around (which is the way of a fulfilled and wise human being).

Chasing a lifestyle where you are wanting to feel "high" 24/7 isn't sustainable. It also isn't fulfilling.

I'm not going to shove my beliefs (which I think are correct) in your face. You can either listen to the advice given here, or you can do your own thing. But either way, you have to accept the consequences of your choices.

eof · 2017-02-15T04:53:09+00:00

Tl; dr: no, there is nothing wrong with having a high n count, but it will likely affect your long term happiness.

Gardrothard · 2017-02-15T07:08:58+00:00

You are young and healthy. You live in a world that provides you with food and shelter. You have the internet. You've already got a lot. If you're not happy enough it's because of the internal reasons, not because x or y. This is why more dicks won't make you more happy, after you get it it will be something else that you need.

Class_Punk · 2017-02-15T10:32:30+00:00

There might be a lot of guys that you are overlooking because you're immediately judging them based on the standards of other women your age, which many of these women are looking for the wrong men for long term relationships because they see casual sex as equal to committed, emotionally vulnerable sex. You can't negotiate attraction, but if there is attraction but you're unsure because he's quiet, or he's too socially awkward, or he's too romantic in the sense of doing things for you to make you happy without expecting anything in return, you could be pushing away guys who want to have a lot of sex and will commit to you. And even if they have a lower libido than you, libido can be raised a fair amount by taking Vitamin D3 regularly, so if they're willing to do that libido can be modified. If he's older the probability also raises of him committing in this day and age, although its not an absolute.

I think its a myth that male promiscuity comes without any cons, the most obvious one being that it means female promiscuity, which means less ability to pair-bond, possibly less parenting ability for those who want kids, and sometimes more misery-- and I don't know if there is data, but maybe to some degree these particular cons include men. Male promiscuity appears to have less cons than female promiscuity, but that doesn't mean that its totally free of them, or that there aren't women who value men with a lower n count, or that women don't feel more emotionally secure with a man with a lower n count.

There's a highly successful couple's therapist named Sue Johnson and she's found that the best sex comes from healthy committed relationships, because there is the most emotional connection there. It also seems like emotional connection is even more important for women when it comes to sexual satisfaction. There are a lot of women who can't have orgasms, and I think a big part of it is that they don't have someone they are deeply emotionally connected to, because they run into a man who is either emotionally closed off, or he's romantic and vulnerable but it scares her to reciprocate with her own vulnerability because that kind of emotional intensity and the sex that comes with it is not the norm with other women she knows.

So having a relationship and working through problems, or deeming some problems as small acceptable differences-- which is based on some study I can't remember, could go farther in getting you better quality sex than hooking up with strangers with little to no emotional connection. And over time, you can learn more about a person's sexual preferences, and increasingly reach greater levels of emotional vulnerability and connection with them, which means better sex. You can't do that to the same degree with hooking up, there is physical variety but not emotional variety. Emotional variety comes from seeing and feeling the complexity of another person and growing alongside them which translates to better sex.

Littlewifey · 2017-02-15T13:58:26+00:00

It may make you happier now, just like women claim to want to be childfree forever only to change their minds when their biological starts ticking.

Having a high N count won't destroy your life unless it's too high but it will make your life harder, you might have regrets later when looking back and you put yourself at risk for pregnancy or diseases that might really hurt your life in the present and the future.

Get a dildo and use that. I wish I had known about trp before racking up N count. Gladly my SO doesn't really ask but I'd be ashamed to give him the number if he did ask, and mine has less than 2 digits.

astrared · 2017-02-15T21:34:04+00:00

I'm 24 now and when I was your age in college I felt the same way. I'd just come out of a relationship and felt like sleeping around might be fun - lots of my friends were doing it and they seemed to enjoy it, and I figured it might help me fit in as well. I had 2 one night stands with guys I had no feelings for and both were unsatisfying, boring and I couldn't wait for them to leave after. It wasn't a good feeling and I haven't felt the urge to do it again. I'm not going to say it'll ruin you forever but why would you want to have crappy meaningless sex, when you could wait until you meet someone and then have enjoyable sex with a guy you have real feelings for?

chrysanthemumtaffy · 2017-02-14T19:53:40+00:00

It's not going to make you happy. Buy a vibrator and keep your pants on.

OhNoTokyo · 2017-02-15T00:29:18+00:00

Having multiple partners to experiment with tends to breed a sort of constant comparison between partners. That can hurt a relationship that you want to keep.

Let's say you met a guy who had one thing you really, really liked, (being physically attractive is the usual one here), but he was a complete ass in just about every way. You'd probably break up with this guy sooner or later.

Then you meet up with a guy who is a lot closer to what you're hoping for in a LTR. He's great... but he isn't quite as attractive in just the same way as the other guy. And you find that he doesn't do things just the way you liked it with the other guy. Now, through no fault of his own, he seems deficient.

I'm not saying you can't overcome that, but the experimentation can also breed a "field is greener on the other side" attitude, rather than a "let's put the time in to make this work," attitude which you absolutely need to maintain a solid basis for an LTR or marriage (if you so choose).

There is a reason that dating people is often called the "meat market". You do enough of it, and your dates all start running together in your mind and you start to miss the details of what makes a particular man or woman special.

I'm not telling you to not go have fun and exercise your sex drive, but I can tell you from experience, that you don't need a lot of men to satisfy your sex drive, you just need the right man.

Disclaimer: Am a man.

fetchyminx · 2017-02-14T19:54:06+00:00

I really don't think having a high n count would make you particularly "happy". We're kind of in a same place right now except I don't want to have a high n count because I'd probably regret it later and feel guilty as hell but in the end all of this doesn't matter, even if you wait for the right guy chances are it probably won't work out and you'll end up getting heartbroken...

The-os · 2017-02-14T22:05:31+00:00

You must ask yourself the question if it will make you happy on the long term instead of this, more shorter, term.

yakuzaou · 2017-02-15T06:54:56+00:00

Depends on why you think it will make you "happier." Happier in comparison to what? You wouldn't know, because you've never actually had sex. At this point being with one person could make you the happiest, or being with 20 could make you the happiest; you have absolutely no way of knowing. But speaking from the perspective of a college woman with a high sex drive as well, I'm incredibly grateful to have waited for the right person and not "trying all the models" or whatever you'd prefer to call it. Sex is entirely what you make it. Communication, effort, innovation. Let's be frank; there are very few incentives to sleeping with many people.

electrokiwi · 2017-02-14T19:33:17+00:00

Okay, so I'm going to add an explanation that I think makes the most sense. I'll start off saying I don't agree that n count and pair bonding ability are correlated as RP asserts, or that SMV should be affected by n count, but my theory, (and I've done research to back this up, which I currently can't link) is that men and women vary in natural levels of promiscuity. If you're naturally a promiscuous woman or man, and both exist (look up r and k mating strategies in humans) it's harder for you to have a stable relationship with one person, which is what our society values. I think the correlation between sleeping with a ton of people and not settling down exists, but the cause isn't where the redpill places it, and is a predetermined biological predisposition, instead. I think you mostly need to be socially aware of what is expected of you as a woman, fair or not, and be prepared to be judged if you choose to sleep around. Mind you, my n count is very high. I spent a good amount of time enjoying conquests, and actively chose to give up this lifestyle so that I could find emotional fulfillment with a single person. It's possible to have both in one lifetime, but the kind of guys that will be willing to settle down with you will have to be very liberal. Redpill acknowledges that guys feel threatened by a woman's past, perhaps for biological reasons of reassuring that a woman will have their offspring, perhaps for social reasons, and advises women to be strategic about their choices to provide them with a wider pool of options. And personally, after a while on the CC, the excitement of new people didn't help me feel less lonely. While I have no regrets, I do think you should consider all of this, biology, society, pool of options, and your own emotional wellbeing before you embark on a CC riding lifestyle.

radioactivities9 · 2017-02-14T18:58:59+00:00

If wanting to rack up a number of partners is a fetish of yours, it is also a potentially dangerous one. Any man could strangle the life out of you easily. I like risk-taking so it's very hard for me sometimes. I feel like a werewolf that has to be locked up under the full moon.

Point of me mentioning that: what about fuckin' around do you think would make you happy? I don't think it is what you think it is.

It's better to get a motorcycle or take up a thrilling sport for kicks...but that takes more patience and money. Sex is cheap. Most dicks are the same.

What do you think of as a high number?

Frankly I was surprised to read online of women doing 70+ partners...

NoFaceNoPlace · 2017-02-15T13:59:25+00:00

The reason why there's a "double standard" is because there's an evolutionary/biological lens applied to TRP and RPW.

Back in the day before humans could critically think, men would run around having sex with multiple women in order to pass on their genes. This is a biological and evolutionary drive which is beneficial to the species.

Women were valued because they were placed in the safest space and would hopefully reproduce with the strongest alpha man and raise his genes while he went off and hunted and whatever dangerous stuff while the woman did the mothering.

Women did not sleep with a lot of men because having more than one child with different males creates competition for resources. It is not uncommon in different species for the male animal to kill rival offspring to make the female want to mate.

TRP and RPW also has a physiological lens. Which means we believe these urges and "laws" are still deep down inside us. Women are naturally attracted to men and value them more if they are desired by other women, because it validates their genetic worth/over all worth. Men are not naturally attracted to women with a high n count because it signals failure to keep a man and that the woman isn't suited to pass on his genes (or share life). And all of this is just something that is unconsciously happening.

TRP and RPW believe it's best to just work with what is already mapped in our animal brains instead of actively trying to rewire it. Contemporary culture now is trying to push to actively rewrite it and it just wastes time and it's promises of happiness are never met.

I personally encourage you to stay at your low n count but you can make your own choice. It's really not hard to experiment with sex once you have a committed partner. Most penises feel the same the only difference really is cut/uncut.

I also want you to really think why these thoughts are coming to you because I'm curious. I don't believe it is because you want to find out what you like, that is a rational justification for why but not the true why.

Edit: it's also worth noting men's sex drives are way different than women in the sense that when men hit puberty it isn't uncommon for them to get turned on by objects or other women who are a no go that slightly resemble fertile women I.e. Cars, trees, sisters, mothers, cousins, etc. it sparks the evolutionary urge.

Title	Is there something wrong with being a girl that wants a high n count?
Author	mysticqueen22
Upvotes	14
Comments	117
Date	February 14, 2017 5:42 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5u1nbl/is_there_something_wrong_with_being_a_girl_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-there-something-wrong-with-being-a-girl-that.86967 https://theredarchive.com/post/86967

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