Mateguarding- Don't do it.

sir_Preacher · 2016-02-11T07:30:14+00:00

In any relationship, there is one partner who is more afraid to lose the other. Never be that partner.

The moment a woman realizes she can make you jealous, she know she has tremendous power over you.

Never show any sign of jealousy.
Never be afraid to lose her.
Always be willing to walk away.

Dustin_Bromain · 2016-02-11T03:05:49+00:00

Excellent post. Recently, my LTR decided to call her ex-boyfriend right in front of me (they are both in the same friend group) and I politely waited for her to get off the phone; then proceeded to call my ex-hookup. Of course the girl answers, and my LTR freaks out and starts crying and apologizing for her short-sighted behavior. Tit for Tat bitch. Don't fucking disrespect me, or that'll be the last you see of me. I'm the one in control of this relationship.

projectself · 2016-02-11T11:19:42+00:00

This is a great post.

I have said a few times before that if I had known then what I know now I probably could have saved my marriage, but if I had known then what I know now, why the hell would I have wanted to?

And this post exactly summarizes what went wrong. At the end of a 15 year partnership and 12 year marriage, I was being cheated on. I found evidence, confronted. Deny Deny, trickle truth. We did marriage counseling. The counselor agreed with me, and encouraged me to snoop her computer, put a voice recorder in her car, and all around try to verify everything she said. I confronted the other guy.. he denied of course. Looking back I still absolutely cringe at that. It was entirely the wrong move. It was absolutely never my job to prove she loved me or prove she was telling the truth. That should have been her job.

In dating now, one thing I make very clear is that it is the girls job to handle unwanted attention. If we are out at a bar and some guy is flirting with her, it is her job to defuse it as I will not get involved. If I feel disrespected in the situation, I'll leave. Find your own ride. I've done it a few times too. It works far better than you can imagine.

That being said, I dont want to imply that you have to be an emotional zombie, it's not like that at all. Of course you have feelings and emotions, but that you have boundaries in how you will be treated. You will be treated how you allow others to treat you. You cannot control anyone but yourself. You cannot even necessarily control your feelings and emotions, but you can control your actions. So do so.

Lastly, the difference between controlling and leading is by controlling you are telling her what she needs to do. By leading you are telling her what you will do in a situation.

Example:

Do not wear that dress - controlling.

I like that dress you wore the night you blew me at that patio restaurant on the balcony. - Leading.

Do not cheat on me - controlling

I would never stay with a woman that cheated on me - leading.

RickJamesBeyach · 2016-02-11T04:24:45+00:00

Confronting a guy about making moves on your woman is a bitch move, especially if you say nothing to her about it. That's always between you and her.

The way I see it, if a woman wants to branch swing, the other dude can have her disloyal ass. The only reason I'm talking to the other guy is to make it clear to him that I have a no return policy.

Meat-on-the-table · 2016-02-11T04:26:16+00:00

Jealousy and mate-guarding are just more signs that she has you. And once she has you, you get relegated to the back of the mind, and she, in one way or another, seeks someone new to stimulate and excite her.

If you're indifferent to her shit, however, she'll be asking herself why you don't care. Works even better in LTRs and marriages, because then she already thinks she has you. Expect her to be thinking of you and your aloofness when she's out and not focusing on the guy she's with.

ManOfGrapes · 2016-02-11T05:03:37+00:00

OP gonna ruffle some newbie feathers with this post. Anyway, in the past six months I've upped my passive dread big time with my woman. I've improved a lot in the gym, done well on the job front, etc. but I've also made it a huge point to not give a fuck about sex.

I denied her passively the other day by continuing to focus on the budget stuff I was working on and she lost it. Kept begging for it. Finally gave it to her after I finished, but whatever. The point is, I've been noticing a lot more recently how she'll go out of her way to prove her loyalty to me. The cooking is top-notch now and she makes it a point to make sure I'm aware of what she is doing all the time (not that I give a fuck). Aloofness is so effective, and the best part is, you don't have to do much at all.

BannedBandit · 2016-02-11T12:36:31+00:00

I'm going to be dropping a bitch before I start playing games like calling my ex-plate just to get her to notice. That is shit that women do.

If your girl goes out for lunch with her ex, you don't go out with some chick from work and then casually mention it to see how she reacts, you just fuckin dump the bitch.

NeoreactionSafe · 2016-02-11T04:30:17+00:00

A woman needs to be in a constant state of dread that if she misbehaves you will leave her.

The only screwed up thing now is the Child Support (as well as marriage) laws that grant powers to women that violate the Natural Laws. These are the things you worry about. Once you get a woman pregnant she has the legal powers now to make your life a living hell. Hopefully one day we can repeal Child Support as a concept. (it didn't exist 50 years ago and is just wrong)

No baby?

Well, heck, you really have no worries.

Young beta boys fear the wrong things. They fear emotional loss in a relationship. That's of low priority as a threat in the larger scheme of things.

Pay attention to the big dangers (Child Support) and don't worry about ending relationships for emotional reasons.

Witness a Divorce Rape... that will give you a sense of perspective.

InsiderT · 2016-02-11T07:52:28+00:00

I like everything you wrote up until:

Want to see your ex boyfriends? That's cool, I'll start seeing other people too.

Wanna workout with StealYourBitch Jones from the gym? I'll see that and raise by having three hour lunch with Jodi from marketing. The one you know wants my D..yup...her.

Who cares if she pouts and huffs and puffs that you are a "controlling asshole"?

This is not setting rules and enforcing them. This is childish and not worth my time. If she's LTR material, the rules are the rules. If she persists, I have to recognize that she is not, in fact, LTR material.

If I start seeing other people because she is, or if I start having lunch with Jodi because she's working out with Jones, I'm just fueling her emotionally by being the asshole. I see absolutely nothing to gain with this approach.

IMO the right move is to remind her that you don't own her, that we're all free to do as we need to do. She's gotta decide if she needs to work out with Jones or if she needs to be my plate/gf/fiance/wife/[insert your preferred label here]. If she whines, complains, persists, recognize it for what it is - she's not LTR material - and start treating her accordingly. Regardless of what you decide to do with Jodi, she doesn't need to know, she's just a plate at this point, or less if you don't even think she's worth the time for that.

I do agree with how you finished though:

If she thinks she can walk all over you...this relationship is doomed anyway.

Summary: She ain't yours, it's just your turn so don't mateguard and it will probably work out fine.

VVictisVVdWVud · 2016-02-11T05:25:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

animalpoo · 2016-02-11T05:14:41+00:00

I like the whole "not mate guarding". However reacting to her action instantly I.e. By going out with Jodie from marketing. Is too "in your face".

At the most say "my girlfriend would never do that". With girlfriend being a position any girl can fill, not her specifically. Should she go ahead, she's not your girlfriend and you gave her fair warning.

daedaluswing · 2016-02-11T10:51:24+00:00

How do you stop it from getting out of control?

If your girl is even remotely attractive, she will have an army of orbiters.

And in that army, there is BOUND to be one careless dude who nonchalantly pokes at her, and she deems him new/tingly/casual enough compared to your LTR that she wants to dip around.

commentatorX · 2016-02-11T13:53:40+00:00

Great post. Ever notice how whenever you check your phone (for a reason) your plate will, within 30 seconds, look at hers (for absolutely no reason).

All women attempt to dread, consciously or not. The best defence is to suppress your concern/hurt feelings/whatever and tease away. Nicely put.

Shit-eating grin: "You know he's only talking to you to get close to me, right..."

TRPhd · 2016-02-11T04:27:02+00:00

Want to see your ex boyfriends? That's cool, I'll start seeing other people too.

Good opportunity to bring up an open marriage. Read Blackdragonblog before you do, though.

Shit, if she can even see any man besides me, the LTR is on the downslope and it's time to look at other options.

savoryprunes · 2016-02-12T00:15:46+00:00

The branch-swinging metaphor really works well here. If you mate guard, you are demonstrating that you will support her no matter what. You are a reliable branch. If she's looking for a new branch to swing to, she knows she can always swing back to you if it doesn't work.

On the other hand, if you demonstrate that you are willing to cut her loose because she is looking to swing elsewhere, this will consume her thoughts. She may still entertain the idea of a new branch, but she won't risk both branches breaking and her falling to the ground (singlehood). She's much more likely to come back to you and ensure she's safe in her relationship (comfort test).

DaphneDK · 2016-02-11T06:59:49+00:00

Read a thread somewhere about a guy who had put his girlfriend in a chastity belt. Apparently they have some new ones which are more comfortable, not like the Medieval iron ones. I wonder if this falls under some kind of ultimate mate guarding.

MoneyStatusLooks · 2016-02-11T13:39:21+00:00

At the start of my RP journey, I started improving myself, then ditched my ex gf, because I knew I could get much better.

I now got a better girlfriend, but since I continued improving myself in all areas, I know I am more valuable. I love my girlfriend, but I know if she breaks up with me, or cheats, or does anything that causes a split, it will be her loss, and I will be able to move on to something better.

This mentality always comes from CONSTANTLY improving, so if you stay in a relationship for any period of time, you become more and more out of her league anyway.

Don't mate guard, just improve yourself, dread will automatically come. My girlfriend is constantly telling me of dreams about me breaking up with her, or scared that I will leave her, I get comfort tests all the time. I am pretty sure i'm the love of her life - sometimes you throw her a bone, sometimes you ignore them, it just makes the attraction stronger. This is what happens when you keep improving, don't ever get complacent. Elevate!

Fulp_Piction · 2016-02-11T11:38:45+00:00

Key point here is "that's cool". If you show that it bothers you, you may as well paint a big shit test target on that topic in future.

Your ability to walk away is the most valuable asset in your arsenal, and makes the hamster spin whether you have options or not.

Let her do what she wants. It's a win win; you either have a girl that wants to be with you or a girl that wants to be with somebody else. It keeps you out of marginal situations and keeps your decision-making process simple.

bertmaklinFBI · 2016-02-11T14:45:36+00:00

1) Your reaction still shows that you are butthurt that she is considering going to a work outing.

2) If your frame is so good...why do you have an issue with your wife going out? Why does she have tingles for another man?

Regularguygamebrah · 2016-02-11T04:28:13+00:00

I tell em if they like to play games, then be careful. Because, I play to win, baby.

RP-Doctor · 2016-02-11T08:45:07+00:00

This is why you need to keep girls on the line. She's going to keep her beta orbiters, and when a man comes out of the woodwork who she actually sees as a potential branch to swing to, you'd better have an attractive woman waiting in the wings. Nothing looks more pathetic to her than a man who couldn't get another woman.

The best defense against a potential affair is hard dread game.

trudatness · 2016-02-11T16:17:46+00:00

When I was a young man I admit it, I sweated a few game playing hoes.

But now as an older man, LOL you must be kidding me.

If my wife did some shady shit like that, a smile would light up my face...

ARE YOU TELLING ME I'M FREE???

I would literally start dancing. I might even sing a tune.

No more husbandly responsibility? No more expectations? I get to keep all my money (I live in a 50-50 default custody state as of 2013) now?

I'd immediately be on the phone with my single buddies all like

"What sup bro? ... Yeah dude I'm FREE ... Yep caught wifey talking to some dude ... Yeah it was no good ... What little honeys you got going on? .... Oh yeah dude I'M IN ... Yeah I'll drive ... Text you when I'm on my way"

I'd post a little blurb on my FB page that I'm separated and that I really don't want to talk about it much - and the women will start coming out of the woodwork messaging, texting me, coincidentally showing up at places I'm at, etc...

I'm a good dude who loves his wife. I'm a good husband who shows just enough beta traits to mix with the natural alpha. I diet, work out, I'm educated, I have a good job, I'm ambitious and my career is on an upward track, I fix shit and take care of the yard - our home looks beautiful - and I'm happy to do all these things - but all that goes away if she were to reveal her unworthiness. I wouldn't miss a blink of sleep, either.

Its not like I have to throw that in my wife's face, she just knows. That is the way it should be. That's the way it should be for every dude in an LTR. By the time you get that headlong into a situation the boundaries must be set.

We've all bought cars here right? Its sort of like that. You're never going to get the best price until you show the salesman your back. That's when they know your limit. Same with women. Early on you set the precedent of what your tolerance points are. You don't have to be a dick about it (at least not all the time - maybe sometimes), just matter of fact. X behavior will get Y result. After the first few shit tests blow up in their faces they learn. If you have the groundwork laid - a good financial base under you and an abundance mentality, then literally any situation you can walk away from and be alright. If women know that at any given moment you could just walk away without blinking that tends to cure them somewhat of shitty tendencies. You're not being an asshole about things - its just a matter of ability and self respect.

Rougepellet · 2016-02-11T08:57:34+00:00

Controlling asshole? How is that being controlling? I can't forcibly controll my girls, only myself. So they are free to do whatever they want. If they want to meet up with their ex boyfriend I can't stop them and won't try. I'll just consider the relationship over and start seeing other people. In no way does that controll their actions, only mine.

T0000009 · 2016-02-11T13:26:48+00:00

You only guard what has value...

No used up twat has enough value to justify guarding

IliadsTangent · 2016-02-11T06:58:47+00:00

As Rev. Lawrence Shannon said, all women are public property.

If she -be she an LTR,Plate, wife,whatever- wants another mans dick bad enough that's exactly what's gonna happen.The last person to know will be her Main Guy.

One of the biggest lies society boxes up for males is the idea that If A Man Does X (get married, show commitment, be wealthy , etc) hell have a good woman to himself.

That's a con up there with the De Beers industry and ARM mortgages. Diamonds are common, houses aren't free, and women are public dispensers of sex.

harsheehorshee · 2016-02-11T10:02:37+00:00

Isn't this basically "playing games" with her? If she has the gall to do this, shouldn't one just next her?

Eugenics2015 · 2016-02-11T13:53:48+00:00

I don't feel jealously I just feel disrespected. There is a difference

Albizzy · 2016-02-11T14:18:25+00:00

My father said something along the lines of your summary. He said, "Albizzy, this isn't your wife that you are having sex with, this is some other mans wife until you put a ring on her finger."

TheRabbitTunnel · 2016-02-12T17:33:18+00:00

I think this post is great, but I would have ended with a different conclusion. You suggested that instead of mateguarding, you one up her by doing it back to her (seeing other people yourself).

If my girl was seeing others with interest, I would just drop her right there. Will turning it around on her make her jealous and attracted to you? You bet. Is that the kind of girl you want to LTR/marry? In my opinion, no. It doesn't matter that you can keep her, the question should be do you want to keep her?

Matsew · 2016-02-13T07:30:23+00:00

I teased her mercilessly about her "fallback guy" and how cute it was that she had a puppylove crush. Said he was a super sweet guy and she should explore her opportunities. She fucking hated the overt talk about her "group outing" that I correctly relabeled a "drinks date with plausible deniability."

that's just as beta as mateguarding. it's not cute. it's disgusting. it should disgust you. you have boundaries and if she crosses them, permanent demotion to fwb status, if she crosses them hard, no contact.

genjuro_zero · 2016-02-11T14:33:18+00:00

"drinks date with plausible deniability."

I almost lost it at this. Great post.

DforDeadpool · 2016-02-11T08:28:19+00:00

Want to see your ex boyfriends? That's cool, I'll start seeing other people too.

Wanna workout with StealYourBitch Jones from the gym? I'll see that and raise by having three hour lunch with Jodi from marketing. The one you know wants my D..yup...her.

That's something a beta cannot. Because he wouldn't have options. It's natural for an alpha. I learned and still learning so much here.

zetayshow · 2016-02-11T10:32:52+00:00

Fuck Mate this just opened a whole new view for me. Very thanks

NeverGoFullPotato · 2016-02-11T23:13:48+00:00

I agree with 90% of the post. Indifference and ability to walk away is big. However I'm not sure if mate-guarding is simply not getting enough sex, I wondered if it's just another test of dominance. Men might instinctually not trust women so they seek to intimidate other men and prove themselves.

A few years ago I was out dancing with my gf, when guys would try and grind on her, I'd firmly push them away. If they got upset I told them I'd put their head through a window. She got steamy.

I think you should be specific about mate guarding OP. Other men are still competition in general. If you have to mate guard make sure it's because some other caveman wants your stuff, not because you're afraid of losing your partner.

--SLUT_SLAYER-- · 2016-02-12T22:55:06+00:00

Good post and great discussion. I think the takeaway here that I'm getting is:

Best: lighthearted lesson or tit for tat

Bad: no response (aka 'taking it')

Worse: emotional/jealous response

It can be difficult. I am still learning to call out other guys that hit on her and would love some pointers. Responses I've been testing are:

"Oh man we have a player here! I better leave you two alone I don't wanna mess up your game!" (This caused the dude to freak a little)

"Haha it seems like you wanna date my girlfriend! All yours buddy! Hope you can afford her, she's your problem now. Have fun buying valentine's gifts and going to family dinners." (embarrassed gf. Probably not going to say that again it went too far on the ass hole spectrum. Group of guys retreated from me. One tried to kino gf on way out and she kept flinching away)

"Hey bud are you picking up on my sister!? Im her little brother you should buy me a drink to impress her" (This shit was pretty funny for our group. The dude left so I guess he figured it out or didn't like me. Apparently having a tall jacked little brother makes a girl scary.)

DarkSayed · 2016-02-14T03:13:55+00:00

If you need to mate-guard, then she's not worth mate-guarding.

dadstartingover · 2016-02-11T15:21:20+00:00

I call this "keeping your woman away from the inappropriate line" and wrote about this topic on my blog:

Keep Your Woman from Approaching The Line

I think it's still a form of mate-guarding, but much more subtle. Of course you care and don't want to lose her... that's precisely why you tell her you're going to do equally stupid stuff. You gotta shock her out of her little temporary stupid state.

TheTempService · 2016-02-11T17:13:00+00:00

Thread op is talking about for reference ?

guacamoles_good · 2016-02-11T19:28:58+00:00

GODDAMN THIS IS ON FUCKIGN POINT.

twatbutter · 2016-02-11T19:59:38+00:00

She needs to be the one mate-guarding, not you, in a LTR. If you see this sort of thing happening with her in the gym, simply start dread gaming to the max. If you're unmarried, break things off if this behavior continues.

mksu · 2016-02-12T13:36:34+00:00

When she sucks off her boss, you should go and suck 3 dudes off to get back at her. That will teach her!

Yourmamasmama · 2016-02-11T14:48:08+00:00

Yep. Just learnt this recently. Remember, fools learn from experience while the smart learn from history.

TRPtruth · 2016-02-11T05:50:06+00:00

For those of you playing TRP on hard mode (married) and who don't have an ex plate to t up when wifey starts talking to Mandingo at the gym, the object is still dread but you have other options:

My favorite is the little Asian chick at the massage place around the corner. Wifey knows the one. Sets with Mandingo, great I'll be at the massage parlor and have one working my legs while the other works my shoulders, have fun babe, slap her on the ass and wink at her and say, "Maybe I'll get that happy endin know what I'm sayin?" with a shit eating grin and another wink.
You can go full on black ops with this shit. Buy a burner phone, put the burner phone as a contact on your cell phone as an ex or a chick you were friends with at college or a few years back at work that your wife gave you the "are you fucking herrrrr?" look about.

Unless you are a complete twat you have a few of those women... now start sending yourself texts...now tell wifey "you remember Kelly from marketing? We are gonna get drinks while you are hitting the iron with Mandingo." Then tell her excitedly you need to get in the shower and cleaned up and get ready. She'll check your phone while your are in there and get the tingles when she sees "Kelly" texting. You can control the level of dread by deciding what the texts say.

Get some ladies underwear and put them in with your dirty laundry. "Whoooose are theseeee??" Oh I don't know babe...

You get the picture. Dread game is easier when you have the actual abundance and lady friends to use, but if you are in hard mode and have been for a long time those assets are not always available. Make due with what you have, but don't approach Mandingo and make a fool out of yourself and don't approach the smartest teenager in the room to "reason" with her about it either.

menial_optimist · 2016-02-11T18:08:47+00:00

As long as she isn't living at your place lol

favours_of_the_moon · 2016-02-11T19:27:36+00:00

CONTROLLING: Telling a white girl not to do something 1: stupid or 2: slutty.

TorboLeto · 2016-02-11T22:02:19+00:00

I've heard a lot about this covert communication stuff, but I just don't get it.

Why are you openly telling your girl you'll see other people too and go to lunch with Jodi... Shouldn't that be communicated covertly?

Sir_Distic · 2016-02-11T13:43:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SirNemesis · 2016-02-11T06:03:42+00:00

Do as you like. If anyone tries to appropriate my woman he is gonna end up in a ditch. No one steals from me.

Title	Mateguarding- Don't do it.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	638
Comments	322
Date	February 11, 2016 2:56 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/456o0h/mateguarding_dont_do_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/mateguarding-dont-do-it.39355 https://theredarchive.com/post/39355

Comments