Proper way to react to an ass grab?

lipchuck · 2013-11-26T18:08:10+00:00

In my opinion, your response might have made you sound easy/desperate, since you said "just ask and you touch me anywhere you want". For her, there is literally no challenge after this. She knows she can get you if she wants. "All she has to do is ask".

One thing I've really been focusing on when stuff like this happens to me is reciprocation. Grab her ass! She grabbed yours first, it's an open door. I probably would have added some stupid comment like "meh. Mine's better" after doing so, just to tease her a little more. It's easier said than done though. I'm getting to the point where reciprocation is coming really easy. Dealing with the consequences is fun!

Flexappeal · 2013-11-26T18:42:27+00:00

What you wore sounds ugly as fuck. No hate.

HappyJerk · 2013-11-26T18:14:22+00:00

It's absolutely inappropriate for a girl to grab your ass if she doesn't know you. Would it be appropriate for you to go up and grab some random girl's ass? No? Well its not right for her to be able to do it either? I would have turned around and shot her a really dirty look and maybe said something like "do I know you" or "why did you touch me"?

In my experience, girls that do that kind of shit (grab your ass, play with your tie, etc...) are just fucking with you and aren't really interested. They see you looking good, so they want to shoot down your alphaness by getting control over you. She knows if she grabs your ass you're gonna say something beta like "oh, you can touch me wherever you want" and she now has power over you so she can walk right on to the next loser. If a girl is interested in me, she can walk up to me and have a real, adult conversation. And if her way of showing interest is by grabbing ass, then she is too immature for me to deal with.

Also, think about this: if Brad Pitt walked into a bar do you think random girls would run up to him and grab his ass? No - they would be polite and respectful. You should expect the same.

Tenmagnet · 2013-11-26T18:28:50+00:00

A lot of women play "sexual chicken"... that is, they act really bold and then gauge your reaction to see if you're confident and masculine enough to handle it. If you flinch, you lose.

The answer is to escalate back. I'd put your arm around her and pull her in. I'd say something like "You're not allowed to grab my ass. That's a spanking".

If she's bluffing, you called her bluff and she'll get shy. But if she's not you're going to be really sexual right away. These are the kinds of sets where you make out with a girl in >1 minute.

The guys in this thread who say "she's just faking it" are the guys who keep failing this test when they get it.

ChaoticGood_Guy_Greg · 2013-11-26T19:58:10+00:00

"Lookin's free, but touchin' is gonna cost you"

Haterade2 · 2013-11-26T21:23:17+00:00

vest and a construction orange tie that i wore with matching Chuck Taylors.

1) Whats up Andre Nosick

2) I guarantee that if this actually happened, you most certainly were the center of the attention, just not in a good way.

rmbarnes · 2013-11-26T19:26:30+00:00

"You could have just said hello"

HappyJerk · 2013-11-26T19:29:17+00:00

God all the responses in this thread are wrong. Girls that randomly grab guy's asses are not interested in hooking up. They just want to act silly and stupid.

joshsway · 2013-11-26T18:37:26+00:00

I usually try to grab their ass back but in a deliberate enough way if they really don't want me to they can avoid it...

ericjs · 2013-11-26T21:24:04+00:00

You sound like you dressed like one of the Jonas Brothers.

cameronb16 · 2013-11-27T01:01:03+00:00

I would have went with "Woah, wine and dine me first"

centurijon · 2013-11-26T20:13:06+00:00

"That's a poor technique. Get me a drink and I'll explain how to do it right."

or

"Don't start something you aren't willing to finish."

PuempelsPurpose · 2013-11-26T19:28:07+00:00

I would assume the "bouncer" role... "Ladies, hands off the talent please"

toerrisbadsyntax · 2013-11-26T19:43:17+00:00

If that were me, I would have said "The first one's free" ;) women like a challenge, they would have grabbed a second time, I'm sure.

itsmevichet · 2013-11-26T20:33:43+00:00

See, you thought escalation at that point was about being clever.

Kino, my friend. She grabbed your ass, you can respond in kind and escalate. Eye contact and a smile is all you need.

bingbonglinglong · 2013-11-26T22:05:48+00:00

I just do the exact same back to them.

narbilistic · 2013-11-26T22:18:46+00:00

"at least buy me a drink first"

XionGuard · 2013-11-27T05:39:07+00:00

What you should have said was: "That's innapropriate. You're digusting. What you did was sexual harrassment." And then get real physical with her and go for the makeout.

minutiesabotage · 2013-11-26T21:58:00+00:00

I like to use this: "What would James Bond do?"

I would have looked over my shoulder, given her the up and down, smirked and shook my head ("No... You're not hot enough to do that and get my attention, sorry"), and continued on my way to talk to women instead of girls. If I happened to run into her later I'd use that as an opener and see how it went, but only after she got thrown off her game.

You acted very beta... You played right into her hand and gave her exactly what she wanted.

Edit: You're not actually saying anything verbally, sorry if that wasn't clear.

navillus12 · 2013-11-26T20:13:18+00:00

I's say "Hands off the merchandise, it ain't free".

lieutenantslothrop · 2013-11-26T20:27:32+00:00

You messed up the frame when you said "just ask and you can touch me anywhere you want." That comes across as very desperate, especially because you know nothing about this girl. You have quality options beyond this girl, and you're not necessarily even interested in her.

The mindset you want to develop is: "I could have any girl at this party. I don't give out my respect so easily. Let's see if there's a cooler girl around and if not, I'll come back to this one."

I'm all about being direct when asking girls on dates. I'll even do it after chatting with them for just 5-10 minutes. But being sexually direct right away is usually disastrous.

doubledip10 · 2013-11-26T20:38:54+00:00

Damn so it breaks down into two opposing arguments, both are to challenge her:

Option 1: Is it a neg challenge? To put her down and tell her she can't do that, assuming the girl is just being flirty and doesn't want anything, re-framing her and making sure she knows you aren't just a toy to be played with would work really well. Saying something like what happyjerk said, would either completely kill it, or she would have new respect for you and hopefully approach later hat in hand.

Option 2: Is it a playful challenge? If she is interested, challenging her with what the other 80% of the replies are, basically escalation with a requirement would probably yield really good results. Keeping her around but knowing you aren't easy.

These are the only two options I can see and I would probably react depending on how cute the girl was and what mood I was in.

So the main point: Has anyone figured out how to gauge if the girl is just being flirty and wants to step on boys vs if she is interested and wants you to challenge her?

nestleyquik · 2013-11-26T20:46:23+00:00

My response is usually something along the lines of "Whoa there. You gonna buy me dinner/drinks first?" Anything like this to let them know that it wasn't appreciated (even if it was), that if it was warranted it's not free, and that she has to make it up to you. Make her qualify herself, and that there are consequences for her actions.

If you're not interested in her, I would just ignore it. It shows to anyone else who saw it that you're indifferent, and/or it happens all the time to you.

Cadenca · 2013-11-26T21:45:19+00:00

I would probably do something like this:

Turn expressionlessly at the woman, and decide instantly whether I want to pursue anything. If I do, I say with a serious face: "Lady, if I was you, I would be getting beat up by a bunch of bouncers right now. Is this like, a thing you do, how you say hello to people? Geeze."

And if for some reason I am offended then I would of course tell her off

triggerAu · 2013-11-26T21:50:14+00:00

Last time i got my ass grabbed, i just grabbed hers without even thinking about it. Her dress turned out to be short and she had no underwear on so I fingered her on the dance floor.

So yeah in those situations, I wouldn't bother trying little lines or to say anything at all. Just go full sexual. Caveman style.

Remember that she is making an overt sexual move here, move with her. You won't always be hooking up immediately but grabbing her ass right back is a fun vibe to start with.

slurmfactory · 2013-11-26T23:19:57+00:00

Yeah "you can touch me any way you want" is the wrong approach. They go "oh ok, well see ya later" and poof the attraction is gone. Even if they think youre hot as hell theyll get bored and your hotness will lower a few points haha. I mean, you literally just THREW yourself at her. We are all dudes that are pretty much DTF all hot women unless they are terrible, so you gotta be different and in complete domination of sex. I have said "watch it I am NOT a piece of meat" (sometimes real dramatic and serious, like an actor with a straight face or a smirk til they laugh then lighten the tension) a bunch of times (when girls touch me suggestively not necessarily an ass grab) and its always gone over well.

By implying that they are the ones pursuing you for your lusty manliness instead of you being INSTANTLY DTF (as you were in this one case) you take control and they laugh like a little girl and you prob joke to her friends about her. "is she always like this?" and then see if you can go to a convo from there. If you can, (be ready for the ass grab next time ya stud) then you are already just alpha as fuck and magnetic.

Watch in this mode as all the girls suddenly become available and fighting for you, even if they are consciously ignoring you tonight, for another night. From there see if they are down to party, down to hook up that night, or if you think you should play it a bit maybe get the numbers, but I would try to isolate them, and bring them somewhere and escalate.

Also, you dont have to leap for the girl who happened to grab your ass.

The other girls will assume you are hot because of this social status boost, and if you are charismatic and fun and high energy, you can likely bring them all into your circle. Ive done this before where I just met girls that got me in a really good state, and had groups of usually like 3 girls that all liked me that I would go out with. Then you can hook up with multiple ones haha.

RoquefortCheese · 2013-11-26T23:24:04+00:00

I'm going to piggyback on this thread. I was recently confronted by two girls at a bar. I have a larger-than-average butt for a man. I was dressed well (business casual from casual Friday earlier at work). A hot girl (not sure how these HB ratings work) approached, said her friend liked my butt. I told her friend to come over. Girl#2 was much less attractive but tall with a black girl booty. I encouraged them to look with their hands, not their eyes. They grabbed mine, I grabbed theirs. Made some chatter. Then they scurried off to the restroom. They came back out a few minutes later, exchanged grabs again. Girl #1 said this was her friend's last night visiting and they both ran off. (she might have dropped that line twice). That was the last I saw of them. Should I have told them to stay put, or told them to come with me? Or was it a case of girls just wanna have fun?

roadywan · 2013-11-26T23:51:19+00:00

No. As stated you were under surveillance...maintain the frame.

Look at her sideways, smirk, keep walking.

noidia · 2013-11-27T00:14:48+00:00

"Whoa! At least by me a drink first."

ultrafilthy · 2013-11-27T00:46:54+00:00

Dude, hear me out. It really dosen't matter what you say. As long as you look and sound confident. Honestly.

MrMiracle26 · 2013-11-27T01:57:53+00:00

Mine is to say "I didn't give you permission to stop".

bobjoe177 · 2013-11-27T04:52:29+00:00

i was just wondering about this, happened to me the other night, i just did it right back. wierd thing was she gave me this wtf? look. so i called her on it, "you just did it to me." she gave a little nod and poutfrown like "fair enough"

Edward-Teach · 2013-11-27T06:13:43+00:00

Feign offense and shout "HOW DARE YOU, MADAM!" Extra points for British accent.

nobody2000 · 2013-11-26T19:17:35+00:00

Honestly, your words were fine. I'm guessing that it didn't go anywhere because:

Your ensemble was a little too "bright." I have only your description to go by, but I'm picturing a caricature. Sorry if I'm wrong here, but your description might make a woman go "omg, he's peacocking!"
Your body language was weak. Always make sure you're smiling, standing up straight, trying to determine the color of her eyes, while your drink is held at your waist, not your chest. Maintain an open stance, and get in her personal space.
The way in which you said what you said didn't convey confidence. This is really something that's 100% unique to you. I personally would say it more jokingly - like dry humor. I think others would find success in saying it very seductively.

And also - you can't win them all. Maybe you had a perfect approach, and it just didn't work out.

suavaleesko · 2013-11-26T22:49:28+00:00

Hb? Hb8?

nrvale00 · 2013-11-26T20:39:22+00:00

Happened to me once. I just looked over my shoulder with a raised eyebrow and a smirk, noticed she wasn't my type, turned back to my current conversation. ZFG. Dumb move on her part.

2013-11-27T03:07:50+00:00

hands off the merchandise. 5 dollars every time you touch.

aRenaissanceMan · 2013-11-27T05:05:01+00:00

I'd probably turn around walk up to her give her a cheeky grin lean closer and say "pass" with a smile still on your face and walk off past them. She'll either not really have been keen and just move on with her life after a laugh or she'll laugh and then try to find you later by initiating you properly with conversation.

ottomanbob · 2013-11-27T05:49:38+00:00

"Looking is free, but touching will cost you."

dxdrummer · 2013-11-27T07:53:57+00:00

I had my ass grabbed once and I immediately turned around and gave the girl a dirty look. I'd assume if a girl did that she'd be more likely to want to grab my wallet than my butt....maybe it's a confidence thing lol

Santanoni · 2013-11-27T08:28:45+00:00

Egad

WillRedditForBitcoin · 2013-11-27T09:59:32+00:00

To sum up this thread she may or may not be interested and you shouldn't or should react to it in a number of possible ways depending on how you read her.

Hizenboig · 2013-11-27T14:17:11+00:00

I cringed at your outfit OP, but I'm glad you felt confident.

NorseGod · 2013-11-27T15:45:26+00:00

Slap her hand, and firmly tell her "Hey, you don't get to do that!"

aydiosmio · 2013-11-27T19:59:03+00:00

I use "Excuse me, touching isn't free." "You have to earn that." etc.

No matter how much you might like that kind of attention, it's not okay for a woman to just grab you in an unsolicited manner. You need to set her straight.

Mouthpiece · 2013-12-04T05:10:26+00:00

"Hey, don't touch the merchandise!"

"You haven't earned that yet."

tbgspitfire · 2013-11-26T21:26:07+00:00

"Hands off the merchandise, jeez this ain't for free, 5$ every time you touch!". She'll probably touch you again and you go like "oh my god are you opening a tab here? You must be rich". Or just flip the script on her with the whole "i'm not just a piece of meat blabla i got feelings" but like with a smile so she knows you're joking and not some gay ass men's rights mofo lol

BTW both are Mystery stuff so all credit goes to him go check him out (lol that sounds like a plug but whatever)

2013-11-26T21:49:06+00:00

I'd suggest something along the lines of:

Wow, hands off the merchandise, this shit ain't for free!

I'm not the first to use that as a standard reply when a girl touches me, but it's old and it's good.

thefortitude · 2013-11-27T06:57:42+00:00

A similar incident happened to me yesterday and I was in shock. I didn't know what to do. Now I know what it feels like to be objectified.

IsYouCereal · 2013-11-27T04:21:47+00:00

Reminds me of a New Year's Eve a few years ago. Same scenario but the girl grabbed me and wanted to dance with me. I didn't know what to do at the time and just laughed and walked away.. Why was I so shy...

Title	Proper way to react to an ass grab?
Author	the_pie_guy
Upvotes	196
Comments	211
Date	November 26, 2013 5:53 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1riblu/proper_way_to_react_to_an_ass_grab/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/proper-way-to-react-to-an-ass-grab.1362123 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362123

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