Are men and women biologically incompatible for long term relationships?

Gravel_Roads · 2022-12-24T22:44:02+00:00

No, there are definitely couples that love each other long-term. I've known my LTR for over 25 years.

But I do think that more people enter relationships and marriage more for the sake of "being in a relationship" than because they're truly compatible with the other person. They're generally not bad people, and in their own way most people do try very hard to make it work.

But if a relationship is only work, where both people are tirelessly trying to get along and not make waves for the sake of being together, it kind of inevitably falls apart.

This is why the "personality" crowd talks so often about compatibility. Just "being attracted to one another" is generally not enough.

I say this all the time: Sex takes 20 minutes. You have to also like one another for the 99% of the time you're not boning.

Cult_of_Chad · 2022-12-24T22:09:40+00:00

It's too early to say. There's a lot of cultural momentum behind our social institutions, but the trends are not encouraging.

We still don't even know the 'natural' rate of sexlessness for our current male population, as it keeps increasing year on year. Once we have an idea how many leftover men there actually are it'll be easier to model the future.

John_Oakman · 2022-12-24T22:16:30+00:00

It's at least partially cultural, in that in the euro-atlantic democracies there is a strong tradition of individualism dating back since the enlightenment, and this sense of individualism vis a vis local communities has only accelerated with the centralization of national/federal governments as the abstract constructs (central governments and bureaucracies) take on more and more roles of safety nets, giving an ever more solid illusion of the ease of individualism.

BigZaddyZ3 · 2022-12-25T05:46:25+00:00

As I said before, human beings are just not truly monogamous as a species. It’s alway been a myth. The generations before were just forced to keep up the charade for various reasons.

People lost their shit when I said this on this forum months ago. And yet more and more stats are beginning to reflect this.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-12-24T23:04:39+00:00

When people on ppd say women would rather be single

Women would rather be single than in an unfulfilling relationship. Most women are happy to be in (and seek out) fulfilling relationships.

Why should the purpose of an optional romance be to stay together forever? Don't get me wrong, I think it's sweet and romantic if people stay in love and happiness for decades, but I think short term relationships have their value too.

I don't believe in soul mates but it seems in the lives of a lot of people who believe that the soul mate for them in their teen years might be different than a soul mate for them in their twenties. People go through phases and hopefully grow.

The data I have seen for Europe shows the divorces mostly are high in countries in Europe that are more traditional and have more cultural pressure for couples to get married young (often before that threshold age of relative brain maturity of 25). That's the main difference between (some) European countries and the US where the average age of first marriage is 28 for women and 30 for men.

wtffellification · 2022-12-24T22:11:43+00:00

When people on ppd say women would rather be single what they are saying is by default women are content being alone. The relationship with a man is a bonus but not a pillar of life.

This should be the ideal thinking of every healthy human being (regardless of gender). You should be happy with your life all alone. A partner accompanying your life is an added bonus.

Now coming to why divorce rates are sky high. Pretty obvious reasons. We all are striving for personal independence. People don't need to stay in shitty relationships. Moreover, the stigma of divorce is reducing. However, a lot of people start treating divorce as an option rather than a last resort, thinking they can do better (the usual grass is greener on the other side ideology). Hence people divorce, their children grow up in broken, dysfunctional and shitty homes and they usually repeat the same behaviour and the cycle continues.

despisedlove2 · 2022-12-25T01:57:38+00:00

Yes.

The era of the compromise that resulted in a stable family, which still involved plenty of paternity fraud, is over. It ended with the legalization of the recreational divorce.

Basic incompatibilities between men and women are out in the open.

BP like to pretend that these are not true.
RP Tradcons recognize this and get melancholic.
RP MGTOW recognize this and walk away with disgust.
RP PUA do what they have always done - play around.

RP is the natural end state of all men. How long it takes, and how much pain is involved for a BP to get to that varies from man to man. Some men are lucky enough to have a strong father figure who saves them from going BP, but that is increasingly rare in the West these days.

Sure you have exceptions, but those are just that. The average Western woman (assuming you are brave enough to even define one) isn't worth your time.

OkProfessional9405 · 2022-12-24T22:40:05+00:00

I think women are by design a bit discontent. It's a survival instinct to constantly ask themselves if they are getting the best they can do. It also means as time go on women, in my experience, tend to become less agreeable and unhappy.

Men also tend to sour as they age, but I find it's at least 10-15 years delayed.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-12-25T00:46:58+00:00

Europe is a varied place. We love marrying in both my countries. What kind of place are you talking about?

ManWazo · 2022-12-25T03:24:56+00:00

What do you think are the reasons for people not staying together in the most financially prosperous and free countries?

Cuz marriage sucks.

Raileyx · 2022-12-24T22:07:32+00:00

People often don't get along, it's really not that deep.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-12-24T22:40:11+00:00

What a dumb question…If men and women were biologically incompatible humanity would have died out ages ago

wtffellification · 2022-12-24T23:24:05+00:00

"Biologically incompatible"... big words.

Some people are clearly fulfilled in their lifelong marriages. Do they need to make compromises and negotiations for that? Of course, that doesn't make it biologically incompatible. It just seems better than the alternative.

That said, Aldous Huxleys' Brave New World dystopia is quite a terrifying prophecy, in a sense of how realistic it might be; "Everyone belongs to everyone else", children are produced in glass jars,...

The only thing Aldous might have left out (in a sense of portraying the "perfect dystopia") would be some sort of a device, a screen that people carried around in their pockets everywhere they went; a device that would provide them with every little momentary pleasure they crave for and give them the means to throw away the last remainders of organic, eye-to-eye human contact

SoldierExcelsior · 2022-12-25T01:12:06+00:00

I think we look at relationships from the wrong perspective.We should be looking at them as business arrangements.If two people get together that's two incomes,two parents to take on the burden of caring for children..two people funding retirements and investments...Then after the last kid turns 18 if your not happy split it down the middle and go your separate way look at it like retiring from a job...

People don't even want to work a career for more than 20 years but they're supposed to stay in a relationship forever where someone else dictates every aspect of their life.

People are generally incompatible for long term relationships because to satisfy someone else you have to constantly sacrifice your self and that gets old.

HungerISanEmotion · 2022-12-25T01:36:24+00:00

I think that when people have to struggle through life, they tend to stay together until the day their die. Like, when you have to worry about 10 different existential issues during the day, getting a better partner is not even at the bottom of your priority list.

It's not on the list.

When the quality of life improves to the point that there are no existential issues, then we start noticing that neighbour wife has bigger boobs.

Willow-girl · 2022-12-25T02:42:20+00:00

No. Just gotta find the right partner ...

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2022-12-25T03:59:10+00:00

Damn, maybe I should have moved to Ireland instead of NYC.

Sea_Bar9334 · 2022-12-24T22:17:29+00:00

I think biologically it seems serial monogamy is what humans are designed for. As in getting in long term relationships, but not lifelong ones. Having multiple partners seemed to be somewhat common but most get into exclusive relationships eventually.

chancetolive · 2022-12-24T22:38:15+00:00

I believe so. Outside of having kids, I truly think it may be impossible for men and women to understand each other on a fundamental level. I guess that's our "duty" if we're talking general survival. However, we don't need each other to "survive" independently anymore, and may be one of the underlying reasons we see so much vitriol hurled at each other nowadays.

I've watched a few of those "Why aren't X people getting married?" videos from various countries across the world, mostly first-world Asia-Pacific. The common reason given is that they can't afford to do so, given economic factors. However, when accounting for average/median salaries, cost of a 1 bedroom apartment and so on, I realised "Hang on...it's still achievable to save up as a couple. They just don't wanna give up what they have now."

Ultimately, the truth is that many of us young people today do not want to make the sacrifices our parents made to get ahead, because we value our own independence more. I don't think this is a good or bad thing, but it would help us to be honest with ourselves. The social contract has been broken.

I myself live alone, make above average salary at my age and in my country overall. It would be much better for me to share my 1 bedroom apartment with a partner if my goal were to build wealth, save money. But that comes with plenty of negative downsides too that ultimately aren't worth it for me. I still have the ability to do many things in life; comfortable home ownership and building a family just may not be one of them.

The cost of our independence comes at our future. Now that everyone's gone mask off, I'm not sure it can be reconciled barring total collapse. Even in that case, it'd be a brief respite before we resort back to where we are today.

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-12-24T22:59:37+00:00

the reasons for people not staying together

The primary reason first is a lack of self awareness. Then poor communication. Mastering those two factors, almost entirely negate any subsequent issues. Finances. Goals. Sex. Infidelity.

For example my partner and I aren’t yet a decade in. Yet these two issues, we always focus on improving. Yes things change. Building your skill in those two facets, to better accommodate change, can only help.

Godspeed and good luck!

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-12-25T00:20:33+00:00

Actually considering men are more likely to be more disagreeable and aggressive and women are more likely to be more agreeable and non-confrontational, men and women are probably pretty compatible, just not the same.

Mr_Skurge93 · 2022-12-24T23:27:56+00:00

Absolutely. People are trash in 2022. I detest you all like a sickness. xoxo

abaxeron · 2022-12-25T00:45:10+00:00

Are men and women biologically incompatible for long term relationships?

Many are even incompatible for short-term ones. As I said here many times, evolution dictates for us to tolerate each other for 15 minutes twice in a lifetime for full population replacement.

What do you think are the reasons for people not staying together in the most financially prosperous and free countries?

Dunno, who initiates divorces?

Fancy-Respect8729 · 2022-12-25T00:12:16+00:00

No, men and women are biologically compatible. It just takes some work to long term pair bond.

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2022-12-25T01:02:44+00:00

Most people stay with the first person they marry until one of them dies, so i don't know why this would mean men and women are incompatible.

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chancetolive · 2022-12-24T22:55:39+00:00

I think people are not meat to be in lifelong sexually exclusive relationships, but in long term relationships, meaning 2-8 years.

toasterchild · 2022-12-24T23:22:15+00:00

Most of the happiest people I know have been divorced. They don't let it define their life and eat them up, they just dust themselves off and find new happiness. Just because a relationship ends for some reason doesnt' mean everything about that relationship is suddenly crap. It also doesn't mean you will be miserable. Fearing divorce is like fearing death of loved ones. Do you hide out at home and avoid getting attached because some day your friends and family will die?

LouisdeRouvroy · 2022-12-25T00:15:01+00:00

Divorce rate is highly dependent on the change in the number of marriages since it is based on 2 very different figures: one of marriages in year Y vs. failed marriages in year Y that were concluded in year (Y, Y-1, Y-2,..., Y-n).

If as in Europe, the number of marriages has decreased radically because of changes in demography and habits, then the divorce rate will appear massive even though it'll only be because of these demographic changes.

gate18 · 2022-12-25T00:55:13+00:00

That's a meaningless question

People aren't biologically made to use the internet, but they are constantly using it.

People aren't biologically made to do office work, but they are constantly doing it

And so many other things.

We use biology and evolution only when we want to critique something - and the critique is never right.

It's to the point that everyone you know is either divorced, separated or recently got together. Even older couples separate after their kids grow up to a certain age. Very rarely do you see people who have been together for decades by choice (finances).

Yet the map you reference shows at least 50% of the population is not divorced, so why are you saying everyone gets divorced?

What do you think are the reasons for people not staying together in the most financially prosperous and free countries?

Society has not had time to breathe, not time to think, not had time to adjust.

Whilst "arranged marriage" and "pressures to marry" do not exist. People act as if they do exist!

"When will you find someone? I have someone for you?", "What's wrong with you?", "these bitches think they shit gold when saying they don't need a man."

Then from Tate to Peterson, they all act as if marriages are the ultimate goal to life (some say it explicitly some say it between the lines). No one deals with reality.

Hence, Just like before, instead of getting in relationships because people want to, they get into relationships because they strongly feel they have to. And as always, they get into relationships with the wrong people. But unlike before, now they have the freedom to not stay together

Frankly, I don't know why it sounds as though you too think this is a bad thing.

Safinated · 2022-12-25T04:38:59+00:00

Biologically, we’re supposed to fuck/breed as much as possible and then usually die early

The genders are biologically antagonistic, not incompatible. Humans are totally capable of compromise and agreement, and also long term affection

Draco359 · 2022-12-25T04:39:47+00:00

If you were to phrase the question, why MODERN long relationships don't work, you would get this answer:

Social media, the attempts at dismantling traditional gender roles in favor of new ones, which so far have not worked in prospering western countries.

As for eastern European countries, you are more likely to find women in the work force because of how poor those countries are (like Romania and Bulgaria). They made it financially unviable for the woman to be a stay at home wife, unless the husband can secure a high paying job.

panascope · 2022-12-25T05:29:13+00:00

I’m curious about how this map would look if it had divorce rates among age brackets included. I don’t think the younger generations are getting divorced at the same rate as the older ones are. Of course, that could be totally anecdotal.

I don’t think my situation of having parents divorced at a very young age is particularly unique. But I think a lot of us who had this sort of experience growing up recognized that getting together with the first person to bat their eyes at you is truly foolish. Partners need to be vetted and understood very deeply prior to marriage. My parents got married because they liked to party and ski.

JollyFawn90 · 2022-12-25T10:05:14+00:00

Your chart kind of shows me that maybe it’s more of a cultural issue than a marriage issue. In some of the countries the rates are very low, why is that? Maybe the the majority of the West doesn’t cultivate the greatest environment to facilitate healthy LTR.

HuckleberryThis2012 · 2022-12-25T14:15:46+00:00

If those stats are accurate that’s insane. In the US it’s about 14 per 1000 and it’s been going down for awhile now.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-12-25T14:21:07+00:00

Human beings were not wired for continued monogamy. If they really were, you wouldn't have a concept such as marriage and marriage vows. People form lifetime bonds with their pets, but none of us feel the needy to marry them. Same with friends and family.

pikecat · 2022-12-25T15:44:39+00:00

According to some academics, couples naturally reject each other after 7 years in a relationship, especially if they have no kids. There's a psychological basis.

This is consistent with the "7 year itch." It takes work to maintain a relationship. As a culture, you are more successful in life if you can maintain a relationship, especially more so in the past.

_here_ok · 2022-12-25T17:30:14+00:00

People without equal or shared interest will inevitably separate. Most marriages are probably brought on by a shared interest that changes as the relationship evolves. This can be overall being infatuated with each other or financial gain. Yet once anything like that falters its likely both or one want to leave the relationship.

If a guy is let's say interested in a woman that makes money and a women is interested in a guy that's hot. The women is rich with a job, the guy is attractive so they date. As they age the women makes a bad career decision and isn't making as much money while the guy who is older is less attractive.

Two things could happen, they gain a shared interest of staying with each other because of the things they have gone through and feelings they developed or they loose interest as their partner isn't providing what they originally searched for in a relationship.

CombinationUsed7938 · 2022-12-25T19:01:31+00:00

What do you think are the reasons for people not staying together in the most financially prosperous and free countries?

Subconscious retroactive jealousy.

Let me explain: marriage would only make sense if either both parts were virgin at the time of marriage or at least had lost their virginity together, as you are celebrating being with that one person and no one else.

That's very rare nowadays. Most people marry with a sexual past.

You know that when you get married but you try to rationalise and hide that jealousy from yourself.

Guess what, subconscious mind is a bitch. It will always manifest in some way. Most marriages end because the subconcious mind sabotages the relationship. That's why most divorces happen either because someone was a great person and became suddenly a shithead or for really petty reasons. Sabotage.

No one likes their partner's sexual past, no one is comfortable with it, and the proof of it are all the workarounds people employ to try to accept it: I don't like prudes, I want to be with someone who knows what he/she wants, etc, etc, etc.

Promiscuous culture ruined marriage. Humans are monogamous by nature, and monogamous means being with one and only one person in your life, not spending some time experimenting until you settled for someone.

When people settle, they believe they have matured and grown up after all the random sex and short term relationships, but they are actually desensitised and just have the perception of having learned a lot. Actually, they lose the ability to really fall in love with someone. Your brain does that, as a defense mechanism: remember, your brain reacts to a breakup the same way it reacts to pain and trauma - which includes finding a way to avoid it in the future.

It's all psychology.

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-12-25T19:17:36+00:00

When people on ppd say women would rather be single what they are saying is by default women are content being alone. The relationship with a man is a bonus but not a pillar of life.

Just FDS strays, trying to convince the world they are happy and single by choice.

What do you think are the reasons for people not staying together in the most financially prosperous and free countries?

Jobs. Honestly, you can not have a good professional life and a good sex life. Sex, good sex(not the sex toy mutual masturbation you do with soy boys) is not something that can just be turned on. And with age, and stress it's harder and harder to get into that ravishing caveman headspace. Respectively - for women it's much harder to let go, and fall back into their more feminine persona.

And without sex, good sex again - you end up just good friends.

juicyjuicery · 2022-12-25T22:31:34+00:00

Because women now have economic freedom and men have not caught up with emotional maturity necessary for a long term bond.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-12-26T06:22:13+00:00

I don’t think humans are naturally lifetime monogamous. There is a very obvious cycle you see with most relationships, and imo they are meant to last for a few to several years, then attraction naturally dies out or people grow apart, and on to the next. But there are benefits to having a lifelong relationship, and sometimes it works. It just takes effort for most people, and of course the right partner.

RGL137 · 2022-12-26T07:19:06+00:00

I think women generally want the emotional and other non-practical benefits of relationships but, in the modern day they can get those things everywhere. They can get it through endless validation online, from simps/orbiters, from FWB, and from occasional, often short term relationships. Also many western women are satisfying their maternal instincts with pets or with some social justice goal they fill their time with.

So, when all is said and done, women have very little reason to genuinely desire and commit to a long term relationship with one man for decades. In the past women didn’t have the same amount of attention they do now nor did they have the same ability to financially provide for themselves so they were far quicker to marry a man and stick with him. Also in those days single mothers and divorcees were frowned upon whereas now they’re almost glorified.

So with few if any financial, political, moral, or emotional reasons for LTRs, is anyone surprised women either don’t get into them or end them?

And for anyone thinking I’m unfairly blaming it all on women, men do contribute with their own bullshit too but, men’s ability to get what they want (sex and loyalty) hasn’t become easier and we have no viable alternatives. Also women initiate divorce about 2X as often as men.

So, in the grand scheme it really does come down to women getting their cake and eating it too and therefore just not bothering with marriage anymore.

Title	Are men and women biologically incompatible for long term relationships?
Author	chancetolive
Upvotes	24
Comments	188
Date	December 24, 2022 10:00 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zujv6t/are_men_and_women_biologically_incompatible_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-men-and-women-biologically-incompatible-for.1145845 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145845

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