Own Your Shit Weekly - January 19, 2021

itsunclejerry · 2021-01-19T12:34:13+00:00

OYS #14 Dick in the pussy.

Stats: 41, wife 34, daughter 3, 5'6", 143lbs, 15% (Navy)

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MAP, MMSLP, The Game

Lift: SQ 150lbs, BP 120lbs, ROW 120lbs, OHP 90lbs, DL 150lbs (resistance bands)

Another lb this week. It's been a steady gain 1lb/week. Exercise 3x per week on SL program and abs routine. I'm sticking with the resistance bands until the gym back open in Feb.

My dick finally found its way to the magical warm and wet pussy. But the journey is far from over.

This week I exercised my goal of saying "No, I've got some things to do". It was hard to not feel awkward because I have always been an errand boy. The first time I said it, when she asked me to check for Amazon delivery outside, I feel awkward. I don't really have anything pressing at that point. Usually I say okay and go outside complying with her command. This time I forced myself to say no and think about what stuff that I should do but I haven't done yet. Then I realized, I was in the middle of finishing up my extra meal for that day, when my wife asked for help. "No, I'm still eating.", I said. I can see her putting a furious face, open the door and walked outside checking the delivery without saying a word. When she came back, she left the door open as a sign of protest. All that followed with the silent treatment for the rest of the night. I didn't budge. I keep on eating. Only after I finish up my food, I walk up and closed the door.

On a couple more occasions, I did say no. The awkward feeling was actually a wake up call for me that I have been being lazy. I have nothing important going on with my life. My wife merely saw me idle. That's all on me.

This week I dialed down the initiation to once every two days. I keep on showing that I'm just a man wanting sex. A couple nights ago, I finally ended the curse. I kissed her, she refused as usual, but this time it was a little different because she didn't push me back. I think to myself this is it. I took off my shirt and pull up her shirt, she is still not making a forceful rejection gesture. I licked her tits, she got warm and that pretty much closed the deal. My dick got to see the warm and wet place he's been missing for years.

"Don't cum too fast", she said. Shit. It's been years and that's what she was worried about as I penetrated her. She's right though. I can only last for a few minutes. Regardless the fantasy I have held in my head about having sex, I don't have the sexual fitness. It's like throwing a rim shot while thinking I'm Jordan.

I got too many things going on in my head instead of enjoying the sex. After the sex, she hold me tight throughout the night, she's also a lot more cheerful in the morning. I enjoyed that more than the sex. Is this validation? My brain is messed up.

It didn't take long until things back to where it was. Last night, she was complaining about me being selfish and not thinking about the family. But.. but.. but.. I STFU before I said anything stupid.

Goal until next OYS: Refocus getting improvement on career and finance.

ImpatientZen · 2021-01-19T15:07:13+00:00

OYS #34

40s married, kid. Usual stuff sorted.

Mental churn

Handling this way better than last week. Got a bit of trickle truth completely unprompted about stuff that’s a few years back. It was like watching a playbook from the many notes left on here unfold before my eyes.

For whatever reason I wasn’t upset, but interested and even amused. I didn’t have to think much about how to handle it, and didn’t actually say much, and when I did I just agreed with truth. It was good practice and felt authentic. Something to learn from and transfer to other moments, where I can feel the familiar signs of heart rate increasing etc. when I get bitched at.

My gauge as always is sleep and I slept like a baby following these exchanges - zero fallouts this week. Actually sleeping more and better than I have in a long time. I think partially because I am (finally) listening to my gut.

Work

My troublesome female employee is acting out again. It’s really good practice. A perfect example of very strong female hamstering, emotional torrents and venting. I used some of the tools from here, a mix of fog, negative enquiry and assertion and then some boundary enforcement to get shit done. Worked well but not sustainable. I still have work to do here, as it still triggers an emotional reaction. Much stronger than my wife talking about Chad. I really have room to improve, becoming a better manager. When Female Employees Feel Bad I Feel Guilty.

Game and sex

“Selfish and polarizing, game and have fun” it says in my to-do’s. I have been doing a decent job at this. I take the piss of people and express myself quite freely these days, which is both fun and authentic. My DGAF is domain and even person-dependent, but expanding.

I can have even more fun and watched some stand-up. It helps getting more into the irreverent mindset of having a laugh about the absurdity of it all, and is a good way to spend time when I am too beat from work (often these days) to absorb heavier material.

Getting some banter back to work with as well. An unprompted dirty pic this week and wife also procured herself a slutty maids outfit.

“Absolutely no settling for shitty sex.” was the goal. I have completed this, and set a new one. Taking responsibility for having the sex I want. I chose a very inexperienced woman, so I have to train her. I let her regress/retreat into passive compliance (aka Starfish), so if I want something else, it is on me to make it happen. Shark week, so I practiced instructing even more on BJ even than usual. Praised, but not enough.

To-do’s:

Take responsibility for having good sex. Praise more.

Be “selfish” and polarizing.

Game every day - have fun!

substancehub · 2021-01-19T21:39:07+00:00

OYS 24

Summary

6'2'' 34 years old / 182lbs (~16%BF) BP - 197 / OHP - 111 / SQ - 256

Read: WISNIFG, NMMNG, MMSLP, SGM, Married in Captivity, Book of Pook, Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves, Atomic Habits, Mindful Attraction Plan, Iron John, WOTSM, 48 Laws of Power

Reading: Book of Pook (again), Models

Fitness / Hobbies / Social

All work and no play makes substancehub a dull boy. Didn't wake up early or eat particularly well. Still working out every day though (BJJ/yoga/weights/bike). Didn't see bros outside of couple-couple hangouts with wife. Need bro time.

Career/Finances

Been a very manic week for me. I have a couple more weeks until I start on an intensive freelance project, and I'm trying to get as much done on a product as possible. The grind and the pressure I'm putting on myself to maximize my time is taking it out of me. I feel like there's nothing left at the end of the day. I had very little sexual desire—didn't think about porn all week, and I didn't even really feel like fucking my wife (but I did).

Sex / Game

Sex this week is a perfect summary of my overthinking everything and still not living in my own frame when it comes to sex. Wife, wearing my bathrobe and nothing else, unexpectedly interrupted my morning meditation by coming over and straddling me on the couch. It felt like a repeat of some sex we had last week—started with passion and immersion, then fizzled as she grinded on me to get off, which she failed to do before I came. Then I immediately had thoughts like, "you weren't being emotional enough," "you need to figure out how to last longer than 10 minutes," "magic dick not powerful enough" etc. I didn't even enjoy my orgasm because I was so concerned with not wanting to disappoint her. Afterwards, I continued to mentally berate myself when she went to the shower to finish herself off with a toy. I dragged myself outside to workout and only then became aware of all these thoughts I was having. Then the counter thought showed up, "You've been aware of these same fucking thought patterns before, why haven't you fixed it?" And then I thought, "STFU, brain" and lifted until I got a nice leg pump. The End.

Taking u/HornsOfApathy and every other mod's advice about working on developing my emotional capacity beyond a teaspoon. Started reading Mark Manson's Models, which purports to help men become more emotional. Haven't gotten too far into it but one thing is clear—I am definitely more narcissistic than I thought I was. A lot of things I do that are controlling are hiding insecurities about not being "dominated" in the relationship. I keep misinterpreting MRP directives as needing to be a domineering asshole instead of just being confident in what I want and owning my needs.

good_looking_man · 2021-01-19T13:05:09+00:00

OYS # 17

Me: 47 yrs. Wife: 47 yrs. Married 21 Years. Together 27 years. 2 teenage daughters.

Weight: 195 lbs
Height: 5’11
BP: 230 LBS x 8 reps (Advanced Goal: 230 lbs x 8 reps)
Squat: 295.0 LBS x 8 reps (Advanced Goal: 305 lbs x 8 reps)
OHP: 147.5 LBS x 8 reps (Advanced Goal: 150 lbs x 8 reps)
DL: 335.0 LBS x 8 reps (Advanced Goal: 350 lbs x 8 reps)
Bent-Over Row: 180 lbs x 8 reps (Advanced Goal: 185 x 8 reps)

Sidebar: Pretty much everything.

Lifting:

Rising up. Gains keep coming and I’m not complaining. I’m getting very close to advanced level in all my lifts.

I’m starting to see a pattern with my progress where I’ll go 3 straight weeks of faster gains, and then a 3 week plateau when the weight feels too heavy to increase.

Diet:

Really liking the Vertical Diet. Feels like I can eat a lot and I’m not as hungry at night. Lost a couple of pounds this week and gained muscle at the same time.

Fatherhood:

Took the girls out shopping over the weekend to buy them new ski ware for our upcoming trip. They’re excited to be able to go somewhere other than home and school. I’m going to take /u/weakandsensitive's advice and have an instructor work with them.

Body Language Observations:

As I mentioned last week, I’ve been putting myself out there more when the opportunity arrises. I work at an office where there’s more or less a 1/20 ratio between men and women, so the opportunities are plenty. Now that I’m less nervous during social interactions, there’s signals I’m noticing that I never really noticed before when I was fat and quiet.

What I find interesting is the more attractive a woman seems, the more signals I’ll see when I’m talking to her. Whereas the more unattractive a woman is, the more I find her closed up and even avoidant.

Common sense tells me the significance of these signals, however I lived my entire life somewhat of an autist, so there’s a chance I could be making something out of nothing.

Below are some of the things I’ve noticed when talking to the women at my office. I would say one or more of these things happen more often than not.

Moving her ring up and down her finger as if she was stroking a phallic symbol (see what I post later about this incident).
Playing with their hair or jewelry when talking to me.
Moving their hair and exposing their neck.
Smiling and looking down at ground when walking by.
Elevator glances when walking by (looking up and down at shoulders and chest like guys do when they look at breasts).
Catching them looking at my package when walking by. 3 or 4 women have done this over the past month.
Stretching and arching their back and pushing her breasts out as they're seated while talking to me.
Body pointed at me in a group even through I’m not directly talking to her.

Are there any other guys who have noticed these signals? If so, how do you weigh the significance of them? Am I making something to of nothing? Or is there actually some meaning to all this?

Game:

Continuing to push my comfort level in this department. There are 2 events that stood out this week:

#1

The chick that started DM’ing me last week hasn’t really slowed down. When this girl walks by she’ll touch my back and drag it across my back. One day last week this girl brought up that we should go out for drinks at this one brewing company once the lock down is done in a few weeks. At one point I jokingly said I was worried you were going to fall in love with me. Her reply, “hey I'm not interesting in changing my situation or anyone else’s.”. At this point I realize nothing will happen unless I make the first move, so I feel pretty safe if we keep flirting. To be honest I like it and it makes the day less boring.

There’s a new nurse who began yesterday that caught my eye. This girl must be around 22 and straight out of college; around 5’3, beautiful and thin with dark hair and eyes. This girl is my next target at the office for game practice. I know I said last week I’m not going to practice game at the office, but I’m one of 2 men among an office of 25+ women. The only way I’m going to pass game 101 level is to practice at every opportunity.

#2

On Thursday I went to get my first Covid Vaccination. When I arrived at the hospital and checked in, I walked into a private room where I saw an attractive nurse in her mid-20’s waiting for me. I took off my coat and noticed this girl gave me the elevator glance.

I sat down as the nurse started telling me what to expect, further telling me that once I get the shot I’ll sit for 15 minutes to make sure I don’t get a bad reaction.

When the nurse was prepping me, I looked up into her eyes and noticed she had an unusually dark blue eyes that almost looked fake. Without hesitation I said “wow, you really have gorgeous eyes.”. Sounds cringy, but her response seemed positive.

The nurse became more bubbly, and set the alarm on her phone for 15 minutes. Usually they leave the room and come back after the timer is up, but this girl sat down next to me and started talking my ear off and asking me questions about myself, and telling me about herself.

The one thing I noticed while I was talking to her was her body language. While this nurse was talking, she kept touching her hair and necklace. Then all of a sudden I noticed her sliding her engagement ring up and down her finger over and over. Later on, I saw no ring on her finger or hand at all. I thought this was strange for a woman to put her ring in her pocket.

After the 15 minute alarm went off, this girl kept talking to me for about 3 minutes after I was supposed to get up and leave.

In the past I’d be too nervous to notice anything like body language, so being able to watch these signs is something new to me.

I think at the end of the day, understanding the significance of women’s body language is giving me good feedback on who I share my attention with and who I don’t. I’ve seen older guys like me try to hard with women to the point they become creepy, because they don’t know how to gage the women’s responses to them. I don’t want that, so this is why I believe studying body language is important.

By the way, thanks to the guys on the weekly YouTube channel for spending time talking about my OYS last week. I really appreciate it.

geeteeeye16v · 2021-01-19T20:43:20+00:00

OYS #1

Me: long time listener/first time caller. 38, 6’3”, 187lbs, divorced 2 years, 3 kids (5, 8, 10), 50% custody.

This is my first post even though I’ve been lurking for about 3 years. This is a shitty OYS but I need to start somewhere. This community helped me end a marriage that was beyond saving. I was a bitch for too long to recover. I took my foot off the gas afterwards and have not progressed nearly as much as I need to. It’s now or never time to own my shit.

I haven’t had Alcohol or THC this month. It’s not hard and i have noticed improvements at work and at home with my kids. My goal was thru January but I may extend it.

Sidebar I read a lot in the beginning. The big hitters. I’m definitely a nice guy. I have seen improvement in this area. Lately I’ve read Atomic Habits, Models, and Think Like A Monk. And some shitty Jack Reacher book. And some Brene Brown, is that in the sidebar?

Lifting I live lifting weights and do it habitually. I’m not jacked or super strong but this not the area that needs the most work. I squat/deadlift/bench about 200lbs when I lift. I’m up to 9 pull-ups and short term goal is 10.

Fatherhood This is not a category that needs the most work. I am a great dad but can alway be better. Tabling this one.

Game and Women This is the weakest area for me. I’m shit. I’m an asshole and a liar. And a scared little bitch. I never game women. I’ve been in a relationship since my divorce with a woman I met at my last job. I broke up with her twice because I thought I could do better. I can’t. Right now. Make matters worse, there was only 1 female that was really into me out of the 10 or so I met during my breakup. She was literally on molly during our first date. We fucked a couple times and I ended it after a week or so. I always wore a condom. I got back with my old girlfriend and lied to her about seeing anyone. Then I got tested because I was worried. Came back negative. I was finally honest 2 days with my GF because she thinks she has an STD. Naturally things are fucked right now. Pretty sure things are done but I see myself trying to pull her back in.

I’m not attractive and I’m a liar. This OYS is dedicated to honesty. I want to be the man who tells the fucking truth even if I fear the result. Honest with myself, honest with my friends and family.

My confidence is shit and I’m scared of putting myself out there, or being vulnerable. I’m going to sign up for Toastmasters because I think it will help with my confidence and leadership skills.

There it is.

AlphalfaSprout · 2021-01-19T13:09:33+00:00

OYS #31

Stats

Age 32 Ht 6’0”, Wt 171.2 (+1.6, down from 207 in Jan 2020), BF 15.6% (+0.3), Wife 32 Kids 2 under 7

Reading

Completed: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Rational Male, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Pook, Ultimate Texting Guide for Men, Bang, MRP Wiki, Way of the Superior Man, The Enlightened Sex Manual, 48 Laws of Power, Rian Stone’s NMMNG Youtube Series

Currently: Rian Stone’s WISNIFG Youtube Series

Validation

Had a mental breakthrough this week which has helped me come to grips with what I’ve been calling “anxiety” that I’ve been dealing with on and off for the past year. I’ve finally come to a significant realization about my anxiety and why it comes on when I am alone and not keeping busy with working out, work or hanging out with my wife. My anxiety comes from a deep need for external validation. This need for external validation mostly manifests itself through using sex for validation. I came to the realization right after I had sex with my wife. Prior to having sex, I was distracted, somewhat sullen and not acting like my usual self. Those feelings were identical to what I have deemed “anxiety”. The second I came inside my wife, the “anxiety” went away, and I could feel an absolute shift in my thoughts, feelings and actions. I was able to joke around, not give a fuck about much of anything, and just generally be more fun. In other words, I was more attractive, and it came naturally. All because I got my need for validation addressed through sex.

Awareness of this issue has brought about real change in my mental models this week. I can recognize just how badly this need for validation through sex has impacted my life negatively. I feel like my frame is a brick wall with a giant hole in it (the hole being using sex for validation), and this realization is letting me add some new bricks to this still-flimsy structure. Before, whenever I saw guys talking about not using porn anymore, I just assumed it was dudes that were using the porn-usage as an excuse for being a lazy fuck. Now, I believe I am actually one of those guys. I use the quick porn usage and release as a replacement drug to my real problem: needing sex for validation. Feeling “anxious”? Get sex to get rid of the anxiety. Can’t get sex at the moment? Go jerk off cause it’s the closest thing. I’ve been stuck in this cycle for years. MRP has finally let me see it for what it is and recognize that it is a problem. The next steps (and what I really mean is continuing the work I’ve done on here for the past 6 months plus) is to home in on my needs for validation and extinguish them.

GOALS: Read and re-read every MRP post on validation-seeking. Stop validation seeking behaviors, especially revolving around sex. Stop porn usage and see how it affects the connections in my mind between orgasm and validation-seeking.

no_more_larp · 2021-01-19T10:06:15+00:00

OYS #1

Reading

NMMNG x 2, WISNIFG, WOTSM, MMSL x 2, MMSLP

Physical

Age 31, 15% bf, 78kg, gyms closed most of the year here but last lifts Bench 80kg x 10, Squat 107.5kg for 10, Dead 145kg x 6. Currently stuck doing light weights at home, so lifts have probably gone down.

Career

Got "furloughed" start of the year for 3 months, got let go. Within 2 months I've started on a new job with good career prospects and now heading on a path I should've taken a while a go. Into the office for a month before back to working from home.

Relationship

Together 6 years, not married, own our home together. Other than that, pretty much fucked. Our issues started after 2 months of me being "furloughed", with her going to stay at her mams. A round that time I found MRP, started taking in some of the principles and started seeing where I've gone wrong.

From reading I can see I have a lot of "nice guy" traits. The fact she was working from home and I was practically "off" I was spending my days doing shit to make her happy rather than making myself happy.

Started working on myself with MRP, following more of the principles doing things that I enjoyed and things were looking up. Got a new job, went back into the office and sex was back on the table.

Then got sent home to work from home (lockdown) and that constant working together, plus even looking back I would do shit to "make her happy" led us to the sex disappearing again.

So roll on now, back at her mams and I got the sentence "I've just not been sexually attracted to you for ages...".

So taking the pain from that, the fact I already knew it anyway and using the pain to push me forward. Hence actually taking a step forward with my first OYS post. Also trying to kill the oneitis, Covert contracts that if I MRP right then the relationship will work, etc. Killing my ego, which has been hard.

Also admitting to myself that it is over...

Social

Social is pretty solid over the weekends, normally spend either a few days our walking with the lads or out biking. Through the week it's a bit more difficult but trying to see a mate at least one night a week, with one of us cooking or watching sports, etc.

Mental

I need to break out of the habits of being a nice guy. I need to get to the point I am happy being by myself.

UsefulWalk4 · 2021-01-19T18:53:58+00:00

OYS #55

Stats: Mid Forties, married 15 years, kids 6’2”, 185 lbs. at least 11% Navy Method. Working on MRP over 3 years, OYS since December 2020.

Lifts: Squat 355# X5, Deadlift 275# X5, Row 180# X5 (I moved back to weighted chins), OHP 120# X5, BP 180# X 5. I’ve had an initial consult with Barbell Medicine and am discussing setting up a program with them. Clearing up some how’s, why’s, & when’s before starting. Hoping to improve form and accelerate progress. Been working on squat depth.

Currently Reading: Day Bang, I’m going to ramp up my reading and re-reading efforts. I wasn’t in a place to properly process & implement most of the information the first time.

Ego: My ego is huge and it holds me back in numerous ways. The biggest was my ability to self bullshit myself about where I stand on certain things. I even self bullshitted myself about my ego not being an issue. It is. I’m sensitive to criticism and what others think and make decisions to preserve my ego. Speaking of which…

Validation: My ego had told me that I didn’t have validation issues. Jeez, wow, just wow. That one was a doozy. I seek validation in most of the decisions and actions I make. I also seek sex as a means of validation.

Abundance: I have none. I want some. I pressed pause on the thots for now. I need to sort what I’m trying to accomplish first. My initial thought was a search for abundance. Dicking around here might have help, but I don’t know. They are out there, they are abundant, I could get my slice. I guess it helps to know this, but the next step would be scary, and not realistically in line with my perception of who I am and want to be. No sense pressing further here unless I’m ready to follow thru. It’s amazing how quick you can get pretty young women on the hook and shooting you racy texts and pics with a direct no nonsense profile.

Covert Contracts: I’ve made some progress here. I’m owed nothing and although my overall progression is clearly based on my desire to have a fulfilling sex life, I’ve mostly eliminated any little quid pro quos.

Sex: Twice this week.

Initiation: I’d give myself a passing grade here this week, but there is still room for improvement. I initiated first thing in the morning for the first time in as long as I can remember. I’m proud of this. Other nights I didn’t initiate due to early onset excuses affecting me or I weekly initiated due to my perception of impending disinterest.

No FAP: I’ve abstained from masturbation for a lengthy period. Been working toward it for 6 months or so. My goal is to have sex more often than I masturbate this year. I’m off to a good start so far. I’d choose never masturbate again, but I’m building toward that and I was making bad decisions when I was refraining and unsuccessful in my initiations. An additional thing I’m concerned about is stamina. I had one of the shortest sex sessions ever this week. I couldn’t hold back despite how mediocre the actual sex was, my sensitivity was just too high. Hopefully I can cure this with more frequent sex, but I’m concerned now. The change is definitely related to my abstaining.

Dread: I’m still working the dread levels. I’m polishing up stuff in dread levels 1-7. I have room to improve in a variety of aspects. This week and last week’s focus is revaluating my MAP, increasing time away from the wife, studying game, and some style upgrades I’ve felt like making.

MAP: I’m updating my MAP. Was planning on completing yesterday, but we advanced deeper into our tournament than I expected and the free time just wasn’t there. I’ll complete this week. One main focus in on STRATEGIC INITIATIVE. Why the fuck do I do some of the things I do? How are they moving me forward? I don’t have time to waste on anything that doesn’t fit my plan, my frame, my vision and mission.

Frame: I’ve finally begun to actually develop some concrete frame. It’s firm in spots and squishy in others and sort of wiggles if you move it too rapidly. I have two big frame issues to work on. #1 I’m too affected by other’s perceptions. #2 I’m uncertain about what I want because of years of molding myself to influence those perceptions. Sadly, some personal rediscovery is having to occur to sort out what I actually want to do and what I actually like and how I’m going to act to best fit those preferences.

Procrastination/time wasting: I still waste too much time. Stupid stuff, reddit, websites, thot, news, sitting, hanging out with the wife, taking stuff to the nth degree for minimal benefit. I hold off on projects that I don’t want to do. I’m putting 1-3 items on a non-negotiable part of my to-do list. I’ll mentally force myself to complete these items.

Mission: Eat, Lift, and be Happy. At one point this was my self-declared mission. Hasn’t changed much. Should read eat, lift, and have fun. I can’t control happy as much as fun. If I have more fun, I’ll probably be happier.

My Plan: My plan is to continue to put one foot in front of the other. Maybe the rope is tightening maybe it isn’t. I’ll keep working and improving, I’m not expecting any rapid shifts in other people’s reactions to me. I’m fighting for progress in my journey.

Beneficial_Secret_81 · 2021-01-21T21:02:40+00:00

OYS1

Stats: 43, wife 39, 7 kids, 245lb/6ft, 30% bodyfat

Reading: NMMNG

Starting Lifts: Squat/Bench/Deadlift 135lb Overhead 95lb

Workout/Diet

I am doing cardio in the morning and lifting in the evening. I have done a week of lifting. My plan is to lift 5 days a week. The weight doesn't feel heavy enough, but I'm starting to get my form down. I have kept to my diet so far and have lost 2 pounds.

Sex

We had sex last week for the first time in several months. My wife initiated, but I probably laid the groundwork with more physical contact than usual. I'm in a dark place and I've mostly lost interest in sex. My wife is physically attractive, but emotionally she repulses me. I am choking quite a bit on this red pill.

Frame

I live and breathe in my wife's frame, and I don’t see the escape hatch. It's like women have a tool belt with a thousand techniques to mentally subjugate, and betas have no defenses. I am here to equip myself to deal with this, and my only tool is STFU. I am sure it is still unattractive as I am seething with butthurt and rage 24/7.

Goals

Catch up on years of delinquent tax and business paperwork
Do a pullup
Do a dip
Run a mile
Don't skip a workout
Keep to my diet
Read more sidebar

TheDatsyukian · 2021-01-19T16:57:41+00:00

OYS12

24 single, 6', 209 lbs, in shape.

Reading WISNIFG again, and way of the sup man.

I took the lead on a group project in school. We haven't been graded yet but I'm pretty sure I am the more or less the sole reason we are going to get top marks. Prior to me taking the lead, we were disorganized and without direction. After I took the lead, we kicked ass and got our highly polished assignments in early. It feels good to take the lead, even if it's something small like that.

I pulled some extra hours at work and took the lead on building some presentations to ultimately help my eval ranking. I really feel at the top of my game at work. I think I am in the right spot because I am just a little uncomfortable, but am still managing to get all my shit done. I believe I said last week that I am getting recognition for it, and that's getting even more clear.

I think I actually overdid my training this week, or at least should have rested one more day after last weeks workouts. This is despite taking a mid week rest day because I wanted to go out. Taking a break from hockey for a while because of my recent concussion. Using this app called ROMWOD to increase my range of motion on rest days.

Still not drinking. I did make sure to go out once though. I left once I felt like it and didn't stick around just because people wanted me to.

New girl lined up. This one is pretty cute. I think I did a decent job gaming her, and it helps that I fucked her friend earlier this year. Haven't fucked yet because of logistics but it's basically in the bag tonight. This one is temporary so I gotta keep working on gaming new plates. In the meantime I am gonna enjoy this.

I'm starting to find that what works for me is to just tease girls a lot, which I actually realize is like my dad. I didn't get it for so many years, but I finally fucking understand now why my mom was always so into him, aside from the traditional provider type shit. Really eye opening for me.

I destroyed my school and studying this weekend. I actually did the reading for the first time in my life. This of course took most of my time. Deep cleaned my whole house again. I still make my bed every morning.

I decided to plan a spring bear archery hunt this May. That's going to be my way to decompress when I start to get wound up in a few months. It works for me. I am still focused on finances heavily, with the exception of an expensive meaty diet. I think my diet is more important than saving a couple hundred bucks a month.

As recommended by u/alohamaui808, I am focused on internalizing the bill of assertive rights. It is becoming easier to be assertive. It is becoming a easier to not seek external validation, but it takes extra focus for me to catch when I'm doing it on autopilot. There's definitely years of bad habits I am reprogramming.

Overall, I'd say I'm becoming bolder and blindly confident. It's a slow change, and I'm okay with that. It's always good having these good weeks to see progress.

A little procrastination here and there with my schoolwork. I should've approached a cute girl at the bar but psyched myself out because of gay excuses. I need to get back after that actually. Next weekend, I know what I'm gonna do.

interwebztufguy · 2021-01-20T16:25:59+00:00

OYS 12

Fresh off a 14 day ban for rule 13 violation.

As @u/threekindsoflucky pointed out, " if you can imagine some sad middle aged man masturbating" to my amateur erotica, it's probably too much detail.

Fair dinkum mate, I got a little excited.

In all reality, it was a good reset for me. I feel like I put some undue pressure on myself to illustrate progress in these posts. For what or to whom? Doesn't really matter.

I know I am progressing, I know my life and relationship is improving, and I KNOW I STILL HAVE MUCH WORK TO DO.

I just reached the 3 month mark of this process, and in that time, I've gained alot, and I am finding that I don't have to think as much.

The shit that was really hamstringing me is no longer a thought. Shit tests, feeling guilty about doing my own shit, and just being a little needy bitch towards my wife are things of the past. It's disgusting to me how much of a bitch ass mark I was.

Some areas that I am doing better, but not great are: abundance and OI with regards to sex. I am still pretty thirsty sometimes, but the more IOIs I get from strange, the more I fuck my wife without mental baggage attached, and the layers of shame and repression are shed, the better this gets.

Finally, my weakest areas are social, gaming anyone other than my wife, and my overall verbal skills (dirty talk, praise, and light conversation).

I've been working on eye contact, mainly with the hotties at the gym. As far as dirty talk goes, ive been making some progress there, but it's very unnatural, however the more I talk, the better the sex gets.

To reference Seinfeld as I have in the past, I recall Jerry trying to dirty talk, "you mean the panties your mother laid out for you?"

I'm not that awkward, but I'm definitely self conscious in that regard.

I've watched some videos and revisited SGM, I need to bridge the gap between more explicit dirty talk and your basic "oh that feels amazing, you're so hot when you...blah blah blah "

I used to feel like a caged animal, one that hated his prison, but had someone opened the gate, I probably would have just stayed put because the outside and unknown were too foreign and scary.

I used to play down my desires, needs, and masculinity. I used to carry shame and guilt for whatever it was that I feared judgement over. Fuck that shit. I'll continue to stretch myself and truly express my gifts to the world.

2wo2wo3hree · 2021-01-20T02:07:50+00:00

OYS 31

Books:

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Married Man Sex-Life Primer

When I Say No I Feel Guilty

The Way of The Superior Man

Mindful Attraction Plan

The book of POOK

The Rational Male

48 Laws of Power

Can’t Hurt Me

The science of trust

Rich Dad Poor Dad

Love & Respect

Millionaire Next Door

Think & Grow Rich

~~Currently reading~~:

STATS/LIFTS

36yo, 6’3, 208, 15% body fat.

BP: 225lbs (6x5)

OHP: 115lbs (3x10)

Squat: 225lbs (10x5)

Barbell Row 225lbs (5x5)

Deadlift: 315lbs (1x5)

I could not prioritize the gym this week and only went 3 days compared to my usual 5-6 days. Unintentional, but it’s rest that I need. I should feel refreshed and rested for a strong week ahead.

RELATIONSHIP:

Married 5 years, One daughter.

MENTAL

I have been on edge lately. Calm on the outside but irritable inside my head. I made a lot of progress and now that I’m in somewhat of a cruising altitude with some adjustments here and there, I get furious at anything that causes turbulence. It is affecting stoicism on little shit that I normally brush off.

MARRIAGE

Aside from what I mentioned about feeling a little bit of irritability. We are in a good place right now. No current adjustments to make this week. Nothing showed up.

SEX

It’s been a fun week in sex. I broke out the hemp rope and played with an arrangement. I’m gaining confidence in manipulating the rope. This time, no blindfolds. Just casual conversation while arranging knots around her body. It made for a pretty good bonding time. She happened to think it’s “relaxing”. Head hanging off the edge of the bed type of face fuck after the Shibari Pillow Talk.

FINANCES:

I had to make a few more adjustments by means of taking the last two bills that my wife physically pays for; the mortgage and water bill. By February, there shouldn’t be a bill I do not touch and there should not be any large expenses without my approval. I really hope this is it with finances.

SOCIAL

I attended a birthday dinner at a restaurant, which was preplanned to end up at a cookout. It was short notice for my wife. She did what I expected her to; show sadness about my absence for a few hours. A few literal pouting faces. I just gave comfort and rolled out anyway.

One thing I noticed about myself in social settings is my confidence is up and I’m no longer afraid to look at attractive women in the eye. I’ve always avoided eye contact or getting caught looking. These days, I don’t give a fuck. Regardless if I catch them looking first or if they see me looking first, I make sure they’re the one who break eye contact, not me; out of fear of a woman. What usually happens is they throw all the non-verbals my way for another long gaze but I don’t give it. Having had an affair, which ended in a total dumpster fire, it’s as far as I would go.

ProzaKcBlue · 2021-01-19T18:58:18+00:00

OYS 003

Age 30, height 1.89m, weight 75kg, about 13%BF

Lifts: BP 60kg 4x5, Squat 60kg 4x10, DL 100kg 4x5

Wife age 28, together for 9 years, 1 kid age 3.

Goals: be my own mental point of origin, lead my relatioships through my frame, become the male rolemodel my daughter can look up to (not for me to decide but I believe in leading by example)

Reads

NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, Rational Male, Poon, Pook, TWOTSM, Models, The Game, How to Win Friends and Influence People, reading Bang.

Physical

Nothing much except concentrating on good form and progressing the weight. I've managed to wake up on my planned time to get into the gym before work, it's almost to the point of being automatic for me. My deadlift went up from last week, squat and bench needs some work on form yet.

Goals: fix my sleep schedule ASAP. Simple progressive overload. Improve posture.

Mental

I have been having an easier time putting effort in the tasks I want to do. Implementing some of the discipline tips I mentioned last week made me less likely to procrastinate, but I know I can do better. I still have some lows on my drive to get shit done.

Goals: Keep improving my discipline. Build the damn frame already.

Social

I've been having some interesting conversations with the guys at my workplace beyond mundane stuff. I think I could build a good friendship with 2 of them, one of which occasionally goes to the gym with me and we keep pushing the other dude to go with us too. Sometimes I throw some red pill ideas about intersexual dynamics and they usually agree with it.

Goals: Build friendships beyond my workplace. Keep learning game.

Career

Not much has changed since last week. I keep studying programming during slow work hours and kill occasional tasks as soon they come.

Goals: Focus on my coding course.

Family

I had to deal with my parents this week. They felt like I've been rejecting them since we were'nt with them during Christmas or New Year's Eve. I talked about the issue with my mother since my father said shw was really disappointed withc my choice to not be with them because of the pandemic. I immediately realized it was about their ego, I said I understand how she was feeling and offered a commitment to keep more in contact with phone calls and sending them pics and videos of their grandkid. She kept saying I neglected them and wasn't being honest, and dropped the subject without any conclusion.What I took from this interaction is that, as I had done in the past, my mother was expecting me to feel guilty and apologize for not pleasing their ego despite the risks of infecting them or my family. My parents raised me as an obedient little boy and had never dealt with me having my own ideas, let alone not agreeing with them. Maybe not a real separation from the nest since I've always defered to them instead of owning my shit. Let's see how I hold my boundaries for the next days.

Goals: Become a leading example at home and maintain good mental models for my Daughter to adopt. Hold my own against manipulative behaviour.

Relationship

Something funny happened. I've been having a receding hairline for some years now and always said that the day I don't feel like it's godd for me to keep my hair I'd shave it all off and go bald. Finally decided this week to do it and felt so much better. Of all the people that has seen my without hair my Wife had the strongest reaction.

For about 3 days after I shaved it I heard her saying it was too soon or that the balding barely event started. She even asked if I saw some YT video or anything that convinced me to do it, I just shrugged and said I wasn't liking how my hair was and decided to do it already. It was amusing to see her refusal to believe that's how I look right now, meanwhile I'm feeling really good to accept the bald head, I think it suits quite nicely.

I've been doing some more kino progressively as I felt more comfortable and sure of what I'm doing and communicating physically. Kept STFU and not engaging in meaningless arguments. Yesterday before going to bed something weird happened though. Wife was feeling tired from being out during the whole day after going with our Daughter to a medical appointment, before we went to sleep she went to the bathroom and said she wasn't feeling good, I went to see if she was OK and saw her sitting on the bathroom floor and asked if she needed to go to the hospital. She said no, I stood by the door and suddenlt she began to cry.

I figured, since she was approaching shark week she may have lost control of her feelings and probably needs some comfort. I didn't say anything and just rubbed her back while she cried. When the crying stopped she stood up and laid on the bed. I laid behind her and she moved my hand away from her body. I took the cue, thought "OK then" turned and went to sleep.

It feels like I'm in a weird spot of initial dread but still no frame for building comfort or attractiveness. I think need to test some stuff to work on more than just lift, STFU and Sidebar.

Goals: Learn to spot shit tests, to have fun and actually have a frame that women can live in. Get out of the negative mindset.

Overall it feels I have a lot of theory to work it out in but lack the balls to put into practice.

nien_nunb180 · 2021-01-23T02:30:19+00:00

OYS #3

Age: 39. 6’. 199 lbs. 23.5% BF (Navy Method). Married: 4 yrs. Wife: 35. 2 Kids: 4yo(b) & 2yo(g).

Lifts: * SQ - 5x170lbs. * BP - 5x150lbs. * BB Row - 5x105lbs. * OHP - 5x75lbs. * DL - 1x145lbs.

Sidebar: read sidebar/Wiki again & again. Books Read: NMMNG; MMSL; MAP; Iron John YouTube: 21 Convention; Richard Cooper; Rollo Tomassi; Rian Stone; Red Man Group.

Marriage: My wife is again on the fence about if we will ever be happy together. Last week she was all hopeful & happy about us, planning surprise dates, saying we should wear our wedding rings again. Then a couple days later she’s not wearing her rings, saying marriage is claustrophobic, and says that I don’t care about her. Feeling challenged about where the line is between showing genuine interest in her, and making her feel claustrophobic.

For the most part, I’m STFU and responding only if absolutely necessary, which I think is where she’s perceiving that I don’t care. I do catch myself starting to DEER in heated chats, & I’ve been able to stay grounded & talk through these chats without losing my shit.

A couple nights ago: she got home with the kids (2hr outing), asked if I could hang with them. I agreed. She went upstairs and nothing else was said. After a while I got supper on the go, still nothing from her (we normally all eat together at the table). I text her that supper was ready, she replied she won’t be joining us so I put our food in the oven & fed kids. Then bathed kids, started bed-time routine, and as I was reading last story she walked in, put our eldest to bed and went back to what she was doing while I put down our youngest (who won’t go down for her).

When I got downstairs I text her asking if she wanted supper brought to her (it had been sitting for an hour & half in the warmer by this point), and she said she will come down. I waited 10mins and started eating. She came down and was pissed that I started without her. I apologized for starting without her, and then calmly asked if we could agree that if she won’t be joining us for supper, to please let me know.... that opened the floodgates to: - I am controlling with all these “rules”; - I don’t care about her; - I don’t understand her; - She feels no connection; - marriage is claustrophobic; - She feels guilty for how she treated her ex, and thinks she’s doing the same to me (WTF does that has to do with supper); - and blah blah blah... DEERing was teetering here, and when I noticed it, I stayed calm & listened with as little input as possible from my end. Things ended with her getting emotional about all of her inner healing that’s she’s working through.

In the past I would’ve mostly been angry that she had been rude in how she handled the whole not showing up for supper thing, but I’m more just happy that I was able to get through the whole thing without losing my shit at her.

Last night I got the “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You” speech. Not worded like that exactly, it came out more along the lines of she’s now forgiven me, sees that I’m a better man & father, she loves me as “human being”, but she doesn’t have any “feelings” for me. And those “feelings” of being in love haven’t been around for years. The metaphor she used to explain this further was (coz clearly I’m an autistic retard), it’s like a fire that was soaked with water and has no chance of reigniting.

Then she went on to say that I deserve to be with someone who has those “feelings” for me. That she’s “handing over a fixed and perfect guy on a silver platter” to another woman after all she’s had to endure in our marriage. She feels that we are now in a healthy space to split up without being nasty to each other and hurting our kids (compared to a year ago). And that she thinks we should get an apartment if we split so the kids stay living in the house, and her & I alternate between the house & apartment... My response to this was, “well, what does that mean? It’s sounds pretty definitive.” to which she said that I’m too “linear” in my thinking and it just means she’s confused about if those “feelings” of being in love are gone for good, or if we are in a place now where they might come back for her.

Part of me wants to just rip the bandaid off now and call it, coz it does sound like her mind is made up. But I’m going to see this through... either way I’ll be ok, if not better. Action: Be cool; Lift; STFU; Lift; STFU; keep wearing my ring. Unfucking myself should take at least 3-4months, and I’ve only just started.

Sex: Still initiating, not getting much of a response though. And mostly just getting cuddles in bed. Action: Keep initiating; keep it fun; be attractive.

Career: Chatted with my old boss about going back to sales job and waiting to hear what GM decides.
Action: Keep growing business income.

Finances: Still tight, but seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Action: Keep moving forward.

Fitness/Health: Weight is still the same. Getting stronger. Running 3 times per week. Lifting 3 times per week. Eating 80% clean. Couple drinks one night a week. Feeling great. Action: keep lifting; keep stretching; keep running.

Hobbies: Having fun where I can. Planning snowboard day trip for an upcoming weekend. Action: keep playing; fuck lame excuses not to.

Friends: Some great catch ups with friends online. Also part of a pretty awesome men’s group which I’ve really leaned into this week. Going to the pub with my buddy for beers & NFL this Sunday... I’ll have no idea what’s going on seeing as rugby is what I know, but it will be good. Action: Make the effort.

fix-the-man · 2021-01-19T16:12:38+00:00

OYS #11

Stats: 35 M, 5'11", 210 lbs.; Wife 36, 5'0", 100 lbs; 1 kid, 5

Books: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TRM, What a Year of Owning Your Shit Looks Like, Pook, TWOTSM, PFPFTPM, Day Bang, MAP

Lifts: SL 5x5

BP 130 BBR 130 SQ N/A DL 135 OHP 90 2 mile run 3x / wk

This week, I got back to lifting and not eating as much, and I'm starting to drop weight again. I'm feeling focused during my work outs, and I like the progress I'm seeing both in the mirror and in my general energy levels.

Mental: I realized this week how far I have to go on this front. I was tested this week very hard, and my frame collapsed under the pressure. I'm still very far from where I need to be in terms of being my own judge. I feel like I started out strong and maintained frame for a while, but eventually under repeated testing behavior I caved. I'm starting to notice the tests are getting harder as some of the easier tests become things I can easily pass. I'm viewing this as a good thing.

Relationship: Really just one thing of note this week. I had a DIY project that didn't turn out great this week. I didn't know how to fix the problem. In the past, since it was functional but not aesthetic, I might have said it was fine and left it. I wasn't going to do that this time, but I hadn't yet figured out how I was going to fix it. That's when the lashing out started.

I don't blame her now. I've trained her over years that I won't fix things well. But I didn't see that in the moment. So after a lot of conversations that boiled down to Her: "that looks terrible" Me: "I'm going to fix it" Her: "how?" Me: "I don't know yet" Her: "that's not good enough" I lost frame. So I started talking about my feelings, and you might be surprised to find out that didn't help.

What stopped the whole thing was when I did the research, made a home depot run, got the stuff I needed to make it look good, and did it. Then everything was just peachy again.

Except me. I was mad at her. For lashing out. For everything suddenly being okay like it never happened once I fixed it. Until I realized she was just doing what I trained her to do. Then I was mad at me.

I was mad at myself for losing frame and caving in to arguing. I'm still mad at myself about that.

I'm also mad at myself because I'd like to think I've become someone who would have fixed it anyway and not left it looking bad without the shit tests, but since there were shit tests, it doesn't look like I would have fixed it anyway. And the fact that I even care how it looks says everything it needs to about where my frame is.

The one bright side is that I am seeing the issues I'm having, and can work on them. I don't think I would have ever pieced together how much my fault this whole thing was without the anxious wives post, so thank you Horns. I'm sure there are issues I'm not seeing too though.

Still no fap. 14 weeks.

seeingred81 · 2021-01-19T22:18:12+00:00

OYS #1

Physical Stats: 39 years old, 5’11, 215 lbs, ~25% bodyfat, 305 lb bench, 355 lb hex bar deadlift, 7 bodyweight pullups

Relationship: together almost 8 years, 6.5 and 2.5 year old kids

Books read: NMMNG, MMSLP, Way of the Superior Man (should have waited on this one)

Reading: WISNIFG, sidebar, and re-reading NMMNG, re-reading MMSLP

Career: Had been self employed working in alternative healthcare making 50k/year. Realized that I wasn’t going to be able to ever reach my desired standard of living in that field. Since then, after much introspection and research, I shifted to working as an independent contractor while working on becoming a nurse practitioner. I’ve completed prereqs and am in the process of applying to an accelerated program which will allow me to earn my bachelors/RN degree in 1 year. I am only working part time now due to corona-virus stuff and am helping out with the kids a lot in the morning as our oldest is struggling with distance learning

GOALS: Assertively claim time to study. .

Social: For most of my life I haven’t had many good male friends, though that has changed over the last few years. I have 2 good male friends now but unfortunately both live out of state (one just moved last year). I am successfully maintaining the friendships long distance which I’ve always sucked at before. I have another friend who is more local who I lost touch with when I had my first kid who I have recently been reconnecting with. Additionally, prior to coronavirus I had joined a fraternal organization though that has gone on on hiatus due to career commitments and general lockdown. Honestly this isn’t much for most people I think but it suits me for now.

Gym/health: Working out in my garage gym 20-30 minutes 2-4x a week, upper/lower split. Doing well on bench but lagging on lower body and overhead press. Taking this time for myself is a challenge and sometimes pisses off my wife but it is good practice. I really need to lose some weight and typically struggle with that despite eating a pretty good diet over all. My biggest challenge is when I reduce my calories then I wake up hungry in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep.

GOALS: Continue assertively claiming time to work out, lose weight via portion reduction and incorporation of HIIT 2x/week.

Relationship: Wife is a depressed, cranky, stay at home mom. Sex is typically 1-5x/ month and is up to me to initiate. To be honest, I kinda suck in bed and need to fix that. I have very little game. I am stuck in a repetative rut of what “works” to get her to have sex most often but, while it gets both of us off, it has gotten pretty boring. I used to blame her for all our relationship problems but NMMNG has helped me see that I am co-creating this situation in order to keep the focus off of myself. I strongly identified with the enmesher type nice guy from the book. Overall, I need to stop worrying so much about her feelings and cease validation-seeking. I have stopped saying “I love you” for validation and stopped fawning over her physically and verbally. It took awhile to figure out what is actually natural and appropriate once I saw through my motivation for this behavior. At first I didn’t know how to act in any other way and I’m certain things were rather awkward. While I’ve caught myself slipping back every so often, especially when tired, I am now interacting from a more authentic place. I can express affection when I want to and when appropriate, not out of compulsion or neediness. If she is being cranky I am more comfortable just doing my own thing rather than compulsively trying to fix her feelings. I still get some anxiety about this though and I'm hoping it will diminish with time. I feel better about myself after making this change and it seemed to pull our relationship out of a downward trend.

GOALS: get my bodyfat down to where I have a six pack so I am more physically attractive, kill off my inner nice guy, and learn to game my wife. Focus on STFU for now.

Family: Doing pretty good with the kiddos. Basically I just need to focus on being a better version of me and otherwise keep doing what I’m doing with them.

Hobbies: I enjoy reading, writing, meditation, and board games. I’m going to make a point to take some time every night before bed for myself.

MOST IMPORTANT GOALS SUMMARY: Take time for myself for study, exercise, and hobbies. Stop over-caring and STFU. Keep reading and post OYS.

excuseless_jim · 2021-01-22T18:48:49+00:00

OYS #1

28M/28F no kids, together 7 years

Start:

5’11” 175 lbs / 125 lb x 5 BP / 105 lb x 5 SQ / 135 lb x 5 DL

Current:

5’11” 165 lbs / 135 lb x 5 BP / 125 lb x 5 SQ / 25 lb x 5 DL

Short Term Goal:

5’11” 155 lbs / BW x 5 BP / BW x 5 SQ / 255 lb x 5 DL

Read:

NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP

Reading:

Anxious To Please, MAP

Background

I probably discovered MRP through a different route than most. For a long time I’ve felt like I was just mediocre and wanted something more from life but could never get my shit together. I had googled something like “reddit how to be more confident” and stumbled upon this post. I had already read six pillars of self esteem and found it valuable, so I decided to read the other books the user listed, which I would recommend. I read Models last. He recommended NMMNG so I read that. NMMNG hit home for me, I was a nice guy to a tee. I’ve read a ton of self improvement books but none have been as relevant to me as NMMNG.

I googled “reddit no more mr nice guy” and landed here. My first impression was this is just some misogynistic loser bullshit (like some other subreddits) and left. But then I came back and started actually reading the posts and comments and realized that there was a lot of really well thought out advice and ideas. I read WISNIFG and MMSLP and again was blown away how useful and relevant these were for me.

So while lack of sex isn’t what landed me here, being a pussy and not going after what I want in life did. I’ve definitely fallen down the slippery slope of beta. Accepting all this quickly changed my beliefs about life and relationships. I considered our relationship pretty typical. She often shit tested me and our arguments (completely unnecessary and irrational) would end up in verbal diarrhea that benefited no one. I thought sex was pretty good, probably about 4 times a week on average. There were however times when we would go several days, I would get frustrated and if I got turned down I’d get pissy. I considered all this normal. This is how other couples lived and what relationships on TV looked like. I was content but not thriving.

A Slow Start

After reading NMMNG and WISNIFG there was a part of me that wanted to start swinging my dick around and say all the shit I’d been holding back my whole life. I realized this is what “going rambo” meant. I’m glad I didn’t blow up my relationship during this period.

Instead, I slowly started trying out new ideas and reexamining my ways of thinking/acting. I started reading more self improvement books. I was setting goals and making plans.

Initial Results

My perspectives began to change. I realized that my fiance really did want me to pass all of the shit tests and start being her captain. That the arguing and mediocre sex didn’t have to be the normal. The post about your woman being your greatest creation and also being a reflection of yourself changed how I viewed our relationship. If I wanted her to get in better shape I had to lead by example. NMMNG and Anxious to Please have helped me realize that the idea of unconditional love is actually bad for a relationship. Relationships take work and require both parties to bring value. Accepting that either person could end it and find happiness elsewhere actually makes it stronger. Then you’re making a conscious choice to be together, in effect saying that you’re willing to put in the effort and not take it for granted.

I put some of the advice from MMSLP into practice immediately. The 10 second kiss was like magic. I started being louder in bed, then she started being louder in bed. Before sex was always a little starfish unless she was drunk. I didn’t realize that the more uninhibited I became, the more uninhibited she became and the sex got better. I stopped getting pissy when she turned me down for sex. Now I realize that good sex isn’t something you take for granted just because you’re in a LTR. You have to flirt, tease and seduce each other. You can’t expect to be treated like a stud if you’re a lazy fat ass. I still get turned down but not as much. I use it as motivation to keep improving.

I’ve been working on being more assertive. I’m starting to see some progress and feeling more confident in myself but have a long way to go. WISNIFG has given me a lot to work on and this is probably going to be my primary focus going forward.

Hard Mode

So I’ve seen some initial improvement just from changing my perspectives and taking responsibility for my own life. It’s been slow and I’ve still been procrastinating a little. My fiance and I started a diet at the beginning of January that has been going well. I haven’t been working out as hard as I would like though. I kept telling myself that I was going to start waking up early and getting shit done but not following through. That was until I read The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. This book was exactly what I needed to get out of bed and start working for my goals. The actual work is simple, he calls it the SAVERS, basically just exercise, meditation, reading, visualization, affirmations and journaling. All things I already knew about but couldn’t stick with. The key point being that getting all this done early in the morning primes you for success the rest of the day I actually feel motivated and capable of getting my shit together now. I’m on day 3 now and determined to keep this up. This is the only time in my life that I’ve woken up before 5 am three days in a row.

A Note on Pornography

I know people have different perspectives on whether pornography is addictive. I think it’s similar to how some people can drink without becoming an alcoholic. If you watch porn multiple times a day for 10 years you’ll probably end up with a behavioural addiction. I first realized pornography might be a problem when I was in College. After quitting I went from what you would call an Omega loser to just your typical dude in a period of just a couple months. I went from self-isolation and no self-esteem to hanging out with my old friends and actually getting laid. I don’t know if I can say it was 100% porn but when I started jerking off to porn multiple times a day I went from a guy with a lot of friends, potential and female attention to a complete loser. When I stopped jerking off to porn I became your average college guy. I was still a nice guy with a lot of insecurities, but at least I was getting laid and having fun. I think it’s like how Athol Kay talks about energy sets. If you’re a complete loser jerking off to other dudes fucking women all the time it’s going to be hard to find success in other areas of your life.

Goals

My primary goal right now is to work on being more assertive and less of a nice guy. I’m ashamed of situations where I’ve acted like a total pussy in the past. I don’t know if it was the pornography or just a lack of effort and a bad attitude towards life but I picked up a lot of bad habits I need to work on.

My second goal is to lose the weight I gained from partying and eating like crap in my early twenties. Once I get down to ~10% body fat I’m going to focus on gaining as much muscle mass as I can since my lifts are so weak. I was low bar squatting 150 lbs barefoot before hurting my back. I bought lifting shoes and dropped the weight to start squatting high bar and it feels more stable. I’ve always felt like my legs could lift more weight but that my back couldn’t.

OYS

So this is the start of my accountability log. I was not expecting to write so much but it feels good to put this stuff in words. I realize a lot of guys come here because their relationship’s gone to shit. I’m here more for the no bull shit attitude and self-improvement. If my relationship improves that’s an added bonus.

Valuable-Station-78 · 2021-01-22T15:55:51+00:00

OYS 1

Numbers

38, 5’7”, 240lbs

BP300, SQ405, DL415. I can move a little weight but the numbers aren’t all that impressive given my body weight.

Married 15 years, 3 kids, bedroom not dead but sex is to appease me not due to desire, “silent starfish” would be an appropriate description.

Reading

Read so far NMMNG, Rational Male, MMSLP. Watching lots of Richard Cooper.

Story

Never once questioned the mainstream BP narrative. Just realized that I am a lazy fuck.

Married an equal SMV, and have been sitting on the sidelines like a damn cheerleader for 4 years while she’s raised her SMV by at least 2, maybe 3 (she dropped like 70 lbs) and I thought I was being a nice guy by being completely supportive, pom-poms in hand. Meanwhile my SMV has stayed about the same. “Nice guy” all the way, including all the dark parts as described in NMMNG.

I do lift often and did finish college a couple years ago but never addressed diet, including beer. So maybe not a total lazy fuck, just a fat fuck.

Career is ok. Make six figures but have been in the same spot for 3 years. Gotta look at moving up.

Plan

Gotta get my weight down to 200. Keep the exercise up but fix the diet. It’s not like I don’t know how to eat right, it’s just a matter of execution.

Keep reading sidebar.

Develop MAP. This will be a challenge. I honestly have no idea what I even want. Pathetic. I need to really think about this as I unplug. My plan has been “support the wife and kids and make sure they’re happy” for over a decade.

While this RP thing is a lot to take in, I’m amazed at how it all reads like truth. When they say you can’t go back once you take the pill, they aren’t lying. A couple of things have hit me like a ton of bricks:

“This is the RP on hard mode”. I’ve been walking around trying to do everything on easy mode and patting myself on the back for it. It’s like bragging about bumper-bowling a 275. I’ve avoided all forms of hard mode, in marriage and also everything else. I am good in my field and gravitate to things that come easy to me and when things get hard I bail or find a way to make it easy.

“The stay plan is the go plan”. When my inner AFC comes out I reach for the nuke button. Again, easy mode, easy way out. Never pressed it, but reached for it a bunch of times. Surprised she hasn’t slammed my hand down onto it yet. Either way I gotta figure out what I want a get a plan together.

I realize this OYS is pathetic and there isn’t anything concrete here. The only concrete thing I’ve got right now is “figure out what I really want”.

RiseAndBrine · 2021-01-20T20:58:24+00:00

OYS #2

37 years old, wife 38 y.o., 4 kids under the age of 8, 6'0", 182 lbs, lift 3-4 days/week

Days since sex: 197

Days since any form of physical intimacy: 37

Sometime I think my wife is lurking here - she sent a Tik Tok, of all things, with a woman reading a man's statement around how his wife hated having to be his parent vs. being his partner. Hence... OYS. I often rationalize with myself that many of the things I am asked to do are not necessary - it's work in pursuit of something my wife wants, not what I want, or it's work related to things I don't care much about - but I think I am actually just incredibly lazy and avoid doing work at all costs. I don't think about what needs to be done because I don't want to have to actually do it. How did I become such a useless person?

I'm going to set a focus for myself for the next week: proactively determine a list of things that need to happen - short term tasks, long term projects, things that need fixing, bills to be paid, research on a new house, etc. - and actually prioritize and action some of them.

I will be watchful to ensure I'm not seeking approval in doing the work - need to realign my thinking to taking care of my home and family and not around drifting through life with the least amount of effort possible.

ancient_resistance · 2021-01-20T19:33:57+00:00

OYS 35

Mid 30s, 5'10", 171lbs, 19%bf (Navy). Married 10 years, 4 kids ages 5-9. 5/3/1 PRs (5-rep): squat 190, bench 165, deadlift 260, ohp 95. Read NMMNG, Meditations, TWOTSM

Got ready for the day, Looked at myself in the mirror and thought "damn, is that really me?" Arms and chest filling out, style on point, don't recognize myself.

I noticed in the gym I get locked in a routine, and it becomes about moving through the routine more than training my muscles. In small ways I let form slide, or just don't focus on the movements and activating muscle groups. I'm not really in the moment, just watching it pass by. got me thinking about focus in every rep. The goal isn't to move the bar. the goal is to activate muscles as strongly as possible without hurting myself. moving the bar is just a means to that end. thinking this way means focus on form, ROM, and total control of the bar through the entire rep/set. This means I usually get more fatigued with fewer reps/sets, so I think that's part of why I push into a gym-bro attitude of looking good and getting through my sets as fast as possible. I also noticed in some cases I need less weight to achieve more activation. For example, if I go too high weight on rows, I won't activate my back muscles as much as my arms/shoulders. dropping 10-15lbs gets my shoulder blades active.

another mountain bike ride. I need more cardio. I notice how much the conditioning helps in lifting, and overall mood. i don't get the same effect from lifting alone.

bought a book on Asperger's syndrome to learn how I can help my oldest kid, who shows all the signs, just like me. boils down to social cluelessness and pattern-oriented behavior. before i can help her I need to help myself. i'm noticing all the ways I fall into patterns, how uncomfortable it is to break out of them. when I do I find some small way to break the pattern, introduce something new, without going too far. seems to me growing out of AS is all about finesse. learning to achieve something with the least possible change. also letting shit go. Like I cannot believe how many fucks I give about pointless shit, all day. now I ask myself " do I really need to care about this thing? REALLY?" the answer is almost always no. and if it's yes, it's like 1/10th the give-a-damn I brought into the situation.

on the social side I'm working on at least 1 conversation per day outside my routine, with someone I usually don't interact with. So my wife/kids don't count, talking to a co-worker in the line of work doesn't count, but chit-chat with a co-worker, client, or someone at the store would count. Oh and it can't just be the usual "hi/hey, how's it going." it has to be some kind of spontaneous conversation, comment, compliment, joke, etc.

A couple successful initiations. focusing on making it natural. slow escalation, starting with non-sexual touch, slowly dialing up the sexual side, leaving room for her to respond, then responding to her. still focusing on the precursors to sex outside the bedroom: comfort, congruence, projecting strength/reliability, and friendliness. sexual polarity, gaming, all that shit is down the road for me. I am where I am because I want to skip ahead. not anymore. consistency wins the day.

-AR

red_koan · 2021-01-19T12:36:30+00:00

OYS 3

33M/32F no kids. Married 10 years. 5’11” 204 19% BF Navy.

One rep max: Bench 230 Squat 240 Deadlift 270

Mental

Read MMSLP, MAP, SALSM, Ironwood, MRP sidebar, TRP sidebar, Pook, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Not Nice, Rational Male, Manipulated Man, Virtue of Selfishness, The Moral Animal.

Shit tests. I’ve been studying this in the sidebar and found I had a misconception about STFU. I thought it was literally saying nothing, but it seems like it can be saying words that mean nothing, by fogging for example. This is much better than being browbeaten in silence. Got a couple of shit tests this week about my diet, and I just gave dismissive answers until the storm blew over. Seeing how quickly the weather can change back to sunny following a shit test properly addressed has hammered home the point that she doesn’t take them seriously, so why should I take them seriously?

MAP Reds:

My big three reds from MAP are oneitis, blaming, and people pleasing.

Oneitis, or stop emotional tunnel vision. This week I’ve been thinking through an idea I saw on here somewhere. If I was suddenly single, would I make any effort at all to get back into the relationship I have now? At this point, no. Then I can only conclude that oneitis is a way to protect my ego by lying to myself about being happier than I am. If I was happy in this marriage I would want to get back in. It’s hard to admit I’ve let things get to the point of misery. It’s hard to admit failure, which is what makes denial via oneitis attractive.

Blaming, stop displaying low value, stop being a victim. I started using something I call blame syllogisms. It’s a way to focus blame entirely on myself, no matter what the circumstance. Two examples I’ve run into this week:

I’m angry because she won’t have sex with me. She won’t have sex with me because I’m fat and needy. Therefore, I’m angry because I’m fat and needy.

I’m angry because she’s being a bitch. She’s being a bitch because she’s afraid. She’s afraid because I’m not being a strong leader. Therefore, I’m angry because I’m not being a strong leader.

So the result is I need to stop being fat (diet), stop being needy (don’t seek validation), and be a strong leader (don’t monitor for approval, just decide and execute).

People pleasing, stop orbiting. Working through the NMMNG BFA with a group. Working through NMMNG heroes journey exercises on my own. Reading Not Nice for the second time and using it as a daily journal prompt.

Other MAP reds:

Diet. Process goals are five days carnivore and two days fasting. Outcome goal is to lose one 1%BF per month this year. I’m on pace for this.

Most days this week weren’t strict carnivore and the fast days were not consecutive. It took me a few days to figure out what’s going on, but I think success had a counterproductive effect. Essentially, I had a good week of initiations and my usual motivation- resentment derived from rejection- was not provided. In retrospect, I can see reliance on rejection is a terrible plan for motivation.

If my self improvement requires rejection for motivation, I can never sustain success, by definition. Also, it would seem I’m not losing weight for myself, it’s because I have a screw you attitude towards her for rejecting me. This is the opposite of OI- it’s outcome dependence. At worst it’s petty butt hurt, at best it’s dancing monkey. I need to figure out how to make all this something I want to do, something positive, for me.

I’m wondering if there is some point in the physical transformation where the motivation derived from seeing results in the mirror can be enough to fuel a positive feedback loop. I’m not there yet. Granted, I’ve come a long way, but I have a long way to go before I could be described as attractive.

Exercise. PPL split with HIIT. I want at least one PR per lifting day- this week I had 14.

Stop drugging yourself: Caffeine and melatonin are at 0mg. If my sleep metrics don’t normalize I’m going to experiment with low dose melatonin. I plan to add low dose (i.e. below dependence threshold) caffeine back in next month.

Time management. My time management goal is to work efficiently enough to create uninterrupted space in my schedule for focused journaling on something I’m learning here on MRP. Goal is at least one hour per work day; this week I did 7 hours.

Porn. None.

Money/career

This is week three without caffeine and it’s a grind. I prided myself on being a proactive person; but apparently it was only caffeine that made me a proactive person, not my outstanding moral character. This has been a rude awakening. Time to sack up and perform regardless.

Spiritual

Finished reading The Virtue of Selfishness and The Moral Animal. I’m not entirely sold on rational egoism, but that may not be necessary. Being convinced that altruism is not a virtue- and both books make this case well- is enough for now.

Altruism is exactly what a parasite would want it’s host to believe, because altruism is the only thing that can prevent the host from seeing the parasite as evil. The parasite could be religion, patriotism, or a wife. All benefit from this delusion of the host. Cui Bono? If the parasite benefits and I don’t, why do I believe in altruism?

This is difficult for me to come to terms with because, when viewed from this perspective, my entire life has been merely playing host to those three things. I used to console myself with the thought that godammit, at least all those sacrifices make me a good person. Now I don’t even have that consolation anymore. Admitting altruism is a delusion is to admit I’ve wasted my life and that my sacrifices have no intrinsic value. Have I ever made a truly free choice, or a choice for my own benefit? No. Every choice has been poisoned by altruism, and I’ve just been used by parasites, and I liked it. I feel like such an idiot. Here comes another anger phase.

Relationship

Since the experiment last week of not initiating to forfeit expectations, there seems to be a lingering effect. I just don’t care as much about sex now, and I’m not sure if I should be worried about that. It crosses my mind to initiate pretty frequently- but it doesn’t seem to be driven by lust, but by habit. It’s just a cue (e.g. wife in bed), response (initiate), and reward (sex, occasionally) loop. When I step back and look at it, it doesn’t seem like I have much of a drive for sex, because if I did, no situational triggers would be required to make me initiate.

It’s difficult at first to separate whether this is a lack of physical interest or a lessened need for validation. I find myself caring less about what she thinks of me in general, and less about sex, in almost exactly the same proportion. Maybe I only cared about what she thought insofar as I thought caring, and changing my behavior accordingly, would lead to sex. So caring less about sex may have the effect of giving me my first glimmering of generalized DGAF.

So this week, I tried using the erection test for initiating- no woody, no initiation- and I went three for four on initiations leading to sex.

Summary

Career beta, nice guy, anger. My goal for this year is to get through dread levels 1-4, one per quarter, and MAP phase 1-2.

_Northern_Yeti · 2021-01-19T20:57:20+00:00

OYS 9

Mid 30s. Together 7, married 4, 3 yo kid.

6ft, 98kg BW. 6RMs (kg) - Bench 90, Squat 110, Deadlift 115, Press 57.5. Finished sidebar pre-requisites

Marriage

I thought I'd be able to have some quality time this weekend with the family, but was met with a huge shit test after spending the whole week killing myself with work/studying and not tidying the house. Arbitrary reason clearly she wasn't getting enough attention and excitement. This was fine, gave me even more time to take care of my shit and spend quality time with my daughter.

But I still give too many shits what she thinks, and let her mood affect mine.

I had a glimpse of real desire last week, which soon faded after the drama. Without the huge approval seeking initiations, I have not been initiating and my sex drive has plummeted.

A hint at divorce text came up today from her. Not sure how to deal with this one. A bit shit timing when I do not have the sex drive or interest in her bullshit.

General

My energy has taken a hit without any r&r. Pure output this week and drama at home has left me feeling burned out. I am making as many marginal gains in my sleep, working out, etc to create more energy and productivity - but truth is I'm more tired than I should be.

General upwards progression is all I am focusing on, 80/20 rule. I had a day or two being an aggravated and tired motherfucker, but didn't show anyone. Smashing my career, studying and working out/eating well.

TheActionNerd · 2021-01-19T18:15:30+00:00

OYS 48

30y, height: 186cm 81.0kg, wife 27 married 2 years, together 7 years. 0 kids.

Mission - Cut out the bullshit from myself and subsequently from the world.

Readings:

MMSLP, NMMNG, TWOTSM, Pook, Rational Male, Preventive Medicine, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Art of Seduction, WISNIFG, Day Bang, Mastery, Mindful Attraction Plan, The Charisma Myth, Extreme Ownership, Unchained Man, The Power of Habit, 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem, The Power of Now, Sex God Method, The Way of Men, Never Split the Difference, Can’t hurt me

Currently reading: Unchained Man, Book of Pook

Habits

I’ve started integrating the lessons from Unchained Man into my life by using his suggested every 3 days method. The actual important thing is that I’m now using an app (todoist) to track my to-do list and the tasks that I want to get done as part of my overall goals. I had been doing well in terms of sticking to daily habits, but none of those lead to progressing on meaningful long term projects. I have just started but last weekend was the most productive weekend I’ve had in months in terms of getting my shit done. I completed what I wanted and still had plenty of time left over. In the past, I’d just procrastinate instead and feel time limited.

It’s also helping my work projects as I am using it for that as well and I’ve been lazy/inefficient with my brain power, relying on my memory to track and motivate myself to keep on top of my shit. Now I write it into my todo list and schedule which day I’ll get it done. Following this todo-list will have to be a habit as although I’m motivated now, I need to integrate the system long term.

I’m also doing a part of the suggested checklist method from the book. I had already been doing it but via an app and over time, I’ve noticed that I’m checking it less and less (although still daily). I’m going to switch to a physical paper checklist for the items I struggle with consistency on. I fell off the bus with meditation for over a week and I’m back on it now. I really need to fight my lazy tendencies and systems will be the most efficient way to do so.

Items for my physical checklist:

Stem exercises from 6 pillars: 18/18

Meditation for 20 minutes: 9/21

Into bed before 1am: 14/21

Exercise at least 45 minutes: 16/21

Mental

I initiated a shit test a week ago by being direct and honest but in the end, I stuck to my frame. The topic came up over improving the relationship and in hindsight, my wife was likely just looking for validation but I took it at face value. I suggested ways she could be a better wife instead of validating her for doing chores a few days in a row. I was clear in saying that she could pick up her contributions around the house. I probably did too much talking but I did clumsily get my point across.

As part of the conversation, I also mentioned that having children was no longer a priority for me and that I would be okay never having kids. This probably came as a shock to my wife since part of my identity has been having children for the several years we’ve known each other. She did take it better than expected, but I’m trying not to think too much about it and get lost in her frame. I stated my thoughts on it and stuck to it.

After the shit test, I did get some comfort seeking questions. I could have said something to nuke the relationship but wasn’t really tempted to. I can’t say that I was fully honest but I also didn’t blatantly lie when asked questions such as if I’ve thought about divorce or if I regret getting married. I pinned things back on myself, and said things such as I regret being a weak man in the past which is true. In hindsight, I did think I spoke too much but I did stay in my own frame and expressed things that were true to me.

Since then, there’s been some hysterical bonding sex. Whether it’s a longer term change is to be seen. I’m focusing on ensuring that I take the opportunity to continue to lead both in the bedroom with getting what I want, and leading her with helping around the apartment, giving me more time to do my own stuff. Mostly, I’m excited to work on my projects as per the habits section.

An interesting reflection this week was a separate conversation my wife and I had a week later about my political position which I have been heavily invested in for the past few months. Although it might not exactly matter on a micro level, I do believe it has severe macro level impacts to the world. It already has with all these pointless lockdowns closing down the gym and social venues.

That aside, what I noticed was that I was more stressed expressing myself and probably getting validated (we also clash in these views and it did lead to a shit test later) than I was about the shit test talking about our relationship. In other aspects, I don’t really care to convince people on my view but this is a topic I get heated over and felt really stressed about when I spoke about it to my wife. I am going to reflect on why it matters to me so much that I need to convince others on this topic. I had noticed in the past the same feelings when explaining this to my friends but I’ve moved to more of a STFU policy. I’d like to uncover my underlying feelings about the need for validation on this topic.

nemo_land · 2021-01-19T17:42:46+00:00

[deleted]

UsuallyUseMy_Name · 2021-01-19T15:55:54+00:00

OYS #13

31, 6’2” 181.4 lbs Married 5, together 11, no kids.

Squat 202.5x5 DL 250x5 Bench 100x5 OHP 90x5

Things that are going well:

Started a new job, which is fantastic. I'm doing well, the company is great, and my finances are back on track (or will be by mid-February). This is an industry change for me, and I have a longer term plan in place for starting my own business in a tangential field, and while this isn't permanent it is a step in the direction of my (current) goals.

Sex twice last week, and a lot of flirty texts and nudes. I was, for the first time in maybe 8-9 years, not just in my head with some fantasy during sex, but instead I was actually just doing what I wanted. I spent years watching a lot of porn, and would fantasize about some 'ideal' sex while it was happening. It's much more fun when I'm actually there.

Also, I'm doing much better about not letting that be simply a way for me to seek validation. In the past I would feel like everything was great because I had sex, and immediately when this were stressful or I wasn't having sex I'd be depressed, or angry. It was fun, but it isn't the center of my life.

My diet and lifts are on point. I lost close to 12 lbs over the holidays. I'm back on a gaining program and already up 1.8 lbs in 10 days.

Things that aren't going well:

I still seek validation form sex, and while I mentioned above that it's better, I still have the tendency to feel that I am better when I'm having more sex. This is foolish, and I need to not get cocky and fall back into my old patterns.

I know what I want out of my career. I have specific targets I want to hit, and dates lined up to hit them. This is a huge change for me, but I know what I need to do to make it happen. Same with the gym. But, for other things in life I don't. For example, my work is mostly remote. I could live pretty much anywhere. I could move to a different area around my city in the south west, I could move close to the beach, or near access to skiing. I love the outdoors and my city is great for that, but so would a ski town, and I also love the beach.

I know I need a mission for myself and a vision for where life is going. I need it for me and to lead my family. I see how easily swayed I am without one. The 'where I want to live' example is a little childish, I know that. Still, it illustrates my point. If every time I see a picture of the beach I am thinking, 'yes, that's it,' and then 2 days later I'm thinking, 'I like my area, but I want a pool,' then I am never doing anything to move toward either.

Now, I see there is some navel gazing here, and to some degree the answer is ‘pick something and move toward it.’ Which is what I've done with work, with the gym, and with my spiritual life. But, more tangible, physical things have been harder for me to nail down. My plan is to keep making space and time for me to write about them. Time where I'm quiet without outside input, so I can decide what I most want. And then go get it. That's my actionable plan. Daily mediation (10+. min) and 'journaling' which I've been doing, but focused on clarifying these parts of my mission.

stfu-tony · 2021-01-19T15:15:00+00:00

OYS #3

I haven’t written an OYS in a long time but looking back at what I did write, I’m now in a better place. Sex is more frequent and better. About once per week. Strong in domination and immersion. Lacking in variety and emotion leading up to sex. No ED issues in a long while since I dropped some weight via cardio. Still 25-35lbs overweight at 225. Not making enough progress. I lead my family now but still have work to do on my own attitude and emotional control. I no longer get angry about dumb shit. I’ve ditched the poor me attitude for a more positive outlook but I still let her moods get to me from time to time. Instead of trying to avoid upsetting her, I do my own thing now regardless. She’s going to get upset and that’s just what it is. The part that I need to work on is not getting annoyed with the “oldest teenager in the house”.

Career is going well. Getting paid a good amount working at a smaller company where I command a good amount of weight. I’ve been able to takeover some key functions of the company and run them the way I see fit. The owner is seeing the results and I’m being rewarded in terms of money, bonuses, and respect.

Red flags I’m dealing with: She’s being secretive with her phone. Deleting a conversation more than once. It’s likely that she is texting her ex who lives in another state regarding the step child or possibly his emotional shit but I could be wrong. I don’t really care to deep dive too far into her head to be honest. I’m just annoyed that she’s hiding it. I have no problem calling her on it but something is telling me to wait see what develops, if anything. My stance is that if she does something inappropriate, it’s on her. I will find out and then she’s done. I have no desire to mate guard. She’s either going to follow me (live in my frame) or she’s going to monkey branch. I’ll be living my best life either way. I’m on my own path now and have been for a while. I have some buy-in from her but she isn’t fully committed to my frame. Can’t blame her for being on the fence, I had, and still have a lot of work to do.

I spent a good portion of the year breaking down my emotional issues, one by one. I should have been posting to OYS but I’m not sure my fragile little ego would have been able to handle it. I’m here now and ready to take the next steps in becoming the man I intend to be. This year I’ll be focusing my efforts on rebuilding my esteem by continuing to break down my self delusions and making solid accomplishments in fitness.

I haven’t solidly laid out what my mission is yet. I know that being a good Father and building myself into the best version of myself are high priorities for me. While it seems that I am lacking some large overarching goal in which to derive motivation from, I know that I am building myself a solid foundation. I have business ideas. I have leadership experience. I have goals for my hobbies, and a bunch of other random things to shoot for. None of it seems nearly as important as getting strong and leading my family. I guess that is my current mission.

Anyways, I’ve rambled on long enough. Here’s where I’m at. Feel free to pick out the bullshit. I’ll be writing honest OYS’s a lot more often.

SpareTireBob · 2021-01-19T15:00:52+00:00

OYS #25 – 1-19-21

Stats – 37yo; HT 5’-10”; WT 190 lbs; BF% 14.7% (navy method)

Lifts – DL=275x12, BS=275x6, BP 155x13, OHP=120x7

Relationship - married 11, together 14; 4 kids under age 10

Read – NMMNGx2, The Rational Male Year 1, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TPF, TTGTW, TRP Sidebar, MAP

Currently Reading - The Rational Male Book (50%)

6 months

Last week I mentioned complacency, this week it’s been catching myself before I revert to beta behaviors. A few times I found my mind slipping into expecting validation for my growth to this point. I know I’m owed nothing from anyone and squashing this behavior before it manifests has become easy. The key is catching it as it’s happening. I’ve noticed more intense testing recently as well. Compliance tests have started showing up, something I haven’t seen much to this point.

While looking back at the week, I have to laugh at the increased intensity of the shit tests thrown my way. More often than not, after slapping ass, I get: “Why do you do that, I don’t like you hitting me!” or some similar form. The majority of the time I’m just passing through and keep walking without saying a word. Other times I smile and wink. Another example, one day I came to our bathroom after lifting to find her standing in front of the mirror getting ready. Before hopping in the shower I brushed up behind her and was told “I’m not doing anything with you, so don’t try!” I smiled and continued through a few rejections and no’s, her raising her voice each time until she finally stepped away from me. I smiled and said “I like you when you’re angry” as I stepped in the shower, when I saw her catching a glimpse of me and said “Hey babe, like what you see?” to which she responded “I was looking at your face.” I laughed, “Yeah, that’s what they all say…”. Have fun with it, have OI and DNGAF and let her figure out the rest. Why was this stuff so hard a few months ago?

Also a recurring shit test, recently when we get intimate, often times we “need to make it quick” followed by some random excuse. I don’t take any of these shit tests personally, I have fun, blow them off and continue on with my day. The increased intensity from my woman, though, is something I haven’t seen from her before and tells me that what I’m doing is working.

This week is shark week. Last week I realized that there is no way to be in your own frame when you’re tracking what day of the cycle your wife is on. Up until probably 2 months ago, I followed the cycle closely and was basing some of my actions off of what day we were on. I was in ovulation’s frame. I’m working on internalizing the belief that I can have sex whatever day I want, regardless of what specific day of one woman’s cycle.

I continued working on talking with other woman. Internalizing being friendly and outgoing and not psyching myself out before I approach. Telling myself not to look at it as “gaming” woman, but rather just wanting to connect without expectations. Again, being fun and having fun – enjoying myself and not stressing out. I look forward to making progress here.

Stephenthundercock · 2021-01-19T14:46:47+00:00

OYS #3

Age 30, Wife 28. Married 5 years. 5'10", 160 lbs, 16% bf. Lifts: SQ 3x287 lbs, BP 5x192 lbs, Stiff-legged DL 6x215 lbs. (Converted from KG)
Reading: 48 laws of power, how to make friends & influence people.

Fitness / Hobbies: Gym 4 times last week. Missed out on bicepday. Real hobbies are still lacking. Schedule is clearing up for evening activites soon. Picking up outdoor activities at the first sign of warmth.

Sex: No sex since last OYS. But I haven't initiated at all. Had some great progress when starting out here but have lost steam. Still sex is atleast 80% validation for me. Picking this up now again by standing firm in shittests and kino'ing a lot more. Sharkweek about to end, I'm ready to go.

Since last week: Wife joined a gym and started looking into more personal grooming. Told me; "You have been better looking than me for a few years, I don't want you to get bored of me." So it seems like she values at me at a higher MSV than her, which is good.

Later got tested with being given two options, neither that revolved around me. I told her option 1, she picked option 2. I gave her a third option of just shooting me in the head, shockingly that pissed her off a bit, so I walked away. Thought we were done but this got picked up in the morning after and asked if it was some kind of strategy to leave conversation by walking away. I was done with this and didn't respond with more than a no, for follow up's I said that i didnt have anything to say. Still I failed miserably.

Going to start reading WISNIFG and pick up some fogging techniques.

Action: For now, read the books I have brought home. Kino more and get that manly aura out there. Game is severely lacking and I'm 100% to blame.Do you hide your books and read whenever wife's not around? In regards to not talking about RP. Seems beta as fuck hiding shit, but if you're supposed to keep it to yourself I'm not seeing much of a choice.

Jhadiro · 2021-01-19T11:45:24+00:00

OYS #15

Stats

Age mid 30s, together with wife ~16y. 1 toddler. Height 6'1", weight 219lbs.

Squat - 320x5, Press 132.5x5, Deadlift 320x5, Bench 185x5

Sidebar

Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP, TWOTSM, WISNIFG, SGM

Summary

Hey guys, I am in a pretty rough spot. It's a lot to ask, but if anyone could reach out by PM and possibly talk on the phone to give an outside perspective I would owe you a lot.

First, this OYS my life are a big fucking mess and it is 100% my fault and nobody else's. I have been on here long enough to know better. I've been a little bitch... I committed to writing these for a year, but stopped after 4 months back in August when things seemed to be getting better, and then they got worse quickly. If other guys are reading this and losing motivation- don't quit, keep going no matter what it takes!

In my overall "MAP" I've had a lot of progress- gained strength, lost weight, upped my fashion, and stopped focusing on my wifes' approval, but instead on improving myself. I started doing the Wim Hof method (cold exposure, meditation, yoga) and it has been a breakthrough in calm and strength- I was a constant nervous wreck before, and now I feel centered and grounded. I have some internal frame, but don't know how to project it in conversations, and don't really understand how to learn that.

So my wife got me a book "The Ethical Slut" and asked if I would be interested in trying an open marriage. I have to admit it truly sounds intriguing- I love the idea of being sexually adventurous without lies and sneaking around. I was excited to maybe do a threesome with a hot girl, or go to a swinger club together and fuck each other in public... but I'm sure you guys can see where this is going. My wife had something else in mind- specific people she would fuck by herself. So I would be "allowed" to date, but have to explain to women they can't have any of my time or resources, and that I'm committed to someone else? I'm not sure there would be many takers...

I asked my wife to borrow her phone to make a payment with it since mine was dead, and I saw extreme fear in her eyes. She insisted on making the payment herself for me. So I asked her what she is hiding on her phone, and she admitted she was talking with her best friend about a specific very famous and successful guy (married, recent child) she is friends with and wants to get fucked by as soon as we're poly... and didn't want me to see that. I told her that is absolutely unacceptable, we can talk about this but she needs to be honest and not secretive.

Interestingly, after reading "The Ethical Slut" and getting an interested rather than angry reaction from me, she calmly and honestly answered all of my questions and share all of the details (you guys assume she is still lying, but I know she can't handle the stress of lying, and felt comfortable sharing with me). She has never done anything with another person except a kiss once many years ago (we married young), but has desperately wanted to sleep with other men and women for a long time, but hasn't yet. She seems to be now trying to take the 'ethical' part seriously, and being open and honest about her thoughts and feelings of wanting to become a slut that gets fucked all of the time by lots of random people.

I had already pretty much written off our marriage and was just working on myself, so this wasn't very upsetting to me. Talk about open marriage has gotten her REALLY sexually excited, we've been having the hottest sex ever almost everyday for weeks- fucking for hours and hours and she will try any new thing I ask her to do. So I'm not angry or mad, but am not sure what to do... especially given the pandemic, and the fact that we just bought a new house together, have a young kid together, etc.

Part of me actually wants to give this 'open marriage'/poly thing a try, and another part of me realizes that she doesn't really love me... she doesn't treat me with respect, listen to my needs, or anything, so it wouldn't likely work. I know a few people in loving poly relationships that actually seem awesome- they have lots of sex with different hot people, and a supportive and loving family and community. I don't actually want to "own" a woman, and I do want to sleep with other women without lies or cheating. I have a few hot female friends that I've turned down in the past (for my wifes' benefit) and would love to be with still.

One interesting thing is I realized how incredibly sexually repressed I have been. I NEVER talked or even thought about my needs or wants before, but my wife and I both opened up about our fantasies and desires, and it was really liberating to admit such things and try them with her without guilt.

I'm trying to make sense of how to navigate this situation responsibly. We have kids and a house and a good life together, and we are finally on friendly terms. I'm not angry at her, and nothing is changing urgently. She hasn't cheated on me, and isn't going to sleep with others unless I give her my approval and the pandemic is over, but if I refuse we will split up I think. There are a lot of options for me to calmly choose the one I want. I need to decide what I want in life and relationships, and enforce some clear boundaries here.

Lastly, again the Wim Hof method has been incredible for me. I feel calm and powerful despite this situation, whereas I would have been near suicidal and shaking with anxiety about it a few months back. Since doing this, I've managed to easily kick addictions to porn, food, caffeine, and internet scrolling that have been plaguing me for years. With my previous porn addiction and constant anxiety, I would have been unable to fuck my wife for hours and hours every-night, but can do it easily now.

beardedbaboon · 2021-01-24T09:02:13+00:00

OYS 3

Stats: Age 40 Height 5'10 Weight 178lbs fat 19% (scale) Wife 34. 1 daughter 7 years

Saw HoA's post about the timeline of escaping sex for validation. This really make sense for my low libido phase. So I am definitely in phase 2. Made me much calmer about my problems. I'm rewirering. I will take the opportunity to get more shit done instead of worrying about low libido, PE and ED. Porn stops now aswell. Read "The subtle art of not giving a fuck" since last OYS and I realize I still give a fuck to much. This needs to improve. I need to be more consistent with meditation. I feel it keeps my mind cooler. I started to take cold showers in the morning. I need something to clear my head and it feels great afterwards.

Read:

No more mr nice guy

When I say no I feel guilty

Married man sexual life primer

Mindful Attraction Plan

Book of Pook

Saving a low sex marriage (Bluepill Professor)

Dead bedroom fix by DSO

The Rational Male

The Rational Male - Preventive Medicine

The Rational Male - Positive Masculinity

The art of seduction

The Game

The way of the superior man

The subtle art of not giving a fuck

A lot of youtube-material from Rollo Tomassi, Rian Stone etc

Top_Ranger6006 · 2021-01-23T13:08:41+00:00

OYS 1

Stats: Age 36, Wife 35, married 13 years. 2 kids ages 4 and 6, 180cm and 83kg roughly 15% BF

Read: NMMNG, MAP, MMSLP, The Game, Way of the Superior Man, 48 laws of power, Rational Male, WISNIFG

Lift: Started Stronglifts in early Jan and am at 35kg squat, 40kg Bench and 50kg DL for 5x5. I know I can lift much heavier but I’m sticking to the plan so as to avoid injury. This has been a big change as previously I’d just done bodyweight, kettlebells and bands. Then I realised that shits for faggots (as one of you rightly pointed out on here). I found StrongLifts and joined a gym. Lifting iron has a totally different effect on your psychology. As I’m on low weight right now I’m using it as an opportunity to focus on really good form and steady motion.

Sex and Game: MRP has shown me I’ve spent the better part of a decade asking my wife to create a frame for me to inhabit rather than leading her. I was awakened about 18 months ago and have started to lead the family more and shut down her shit tests, either by turning it into a joke or simply STFU. Looking back I can recall so many times when I obviously fucked up, oh well the past is the past it’s time to look to the future.

The sex life is way short of what I want, in 2020 we probably average once a month with 3 month stretches of no sex. The excuses are usually either not in the mood or too tired. Yes it’s hard to manage 2 young hyperactive kids but I can see now that being a beta faggot who lets his wife emotionally jolt him isn’t going to get her in the mood.

I also must admit that I feel a lot of bitterness and resentment about being constantly denied, I used to show this but now try not let myself feel this way and instead focus on improving myself. Lifting iron helps channel the emotions towards something.

She also happens to be overweight, probably closing in on an obese BMI of 30. I’m still attracted to her, but I’m encouraging her to lose weight as I think it’s affecting her energy levels and self-esteem. She’s yet to take action. I’m trying to lead by example here, I’m in average shape but now much more serious with the gym.

I’m working on becoming a more desirable partner and leader of my family, and using the dread steps, starting with 1 and 2. I haven’t had that many shit tests but in a lot of ways my wife is still very withdrawn. There’s zero affection, no “i love yous”, and right now she’s more interested in being on her own watching TV for 3 hours every night than she is spending time with me. That’s on me to work with. I haven’t been flirting with her much and I’ve forgotten how to do that, so I’m going to start and be more flirty during the day.

I’ve seriously considered leaving and am using this year to decide, and improve myself at the same time. I’d hate to break up the family but I’m not prepared to be in a non-relationship like the one I”m in now, I feel more like roommates than a married couple.

Career and Finances: This area of my life is going the best, I’m at a good level careerwise, good income and financially in a strong position vs others my age, especially given wife doesn’t work.

Mission: I’m still working on this, somewhat vague but I try to live by a set of values and I really want to use my gifts to make a positive impact on the world, starting with my children and then radiating outwards. In the next 20-30 years I expect to amass a decent amount of capital which I will then deploy into something meaningful when I’m done working in a full-time job. Right now my mission is 80% focused on being a good rolemodel for my kids.

Fatherhood: This area tests me the most, with young kids being what they are it’s hard not to lose my patience. I’m firm with boundaries and also try to encourage them when they try new things. It’s always good to see them get over another behavioural challenge after reinforcing the correct behaviour for a few weeks.

Redpdaddy · 2021-01-23T09:34:25+00:00

OYS #2
32Y, Divorced 2Y after 10Y relation. 1 4y Kid.
- Weight: 175 lbs 14% fat scale
- Height: 5'10
- BP: 175 LBS RM => 260 LBS Goal
- Squat: 175 LBS RM => 260 LBS Goal
- DL: 319 LBS RM => 440 LBS Goal

Goals:
- Kill my ego.
- Get laid.
- Continue the journey to be best version of myself.

Sidebar:
- NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rational Male All years, Book of Pook, Poon, Sex God Method and currently reading The Way of Men.
- Read also many books about stoic, fitness, leadership, discipline which helped me a lot.
- Almost done with The Way of Men and it fuckin hit me the example of Chimpanzee and Baboon, really worried about where are we heading.
- Revising back WISNIFG and expecting huge delivery of books.

Lifting:-
- Finally I did the endurance training I was planning from last year with some friends. It was fuckin pain but I enjoyed it and will do it once/month. Around 700 Reps of BP, Squat, Shoulder Press, Abs and Barbell Row.
- Nothing more to add, hitting the gym as normal, numbers are increasing and I want to journal with some app that would show me a graph of my progress.

Diet:
As usual high protein clean diet, I gain some fats but I will include some cardio to get that down.

Mental:
- Journaling here and after joining the faggots club easily, hit me deep in the bones. I started to read more and reflect. Specially the articles about the loneliness, the phases, the anger because that's what I have been going through alone for this two years. I had no one to talk to coming back from BP years of conditioning to tell everything to my women. My male friends are happily BPs and even some of them with sexless marriage, I introduced them to the solutions but the faggots think they are unicorns.
In the beginning was painful now I have no fuckin need to tell anyone else anything but I will exchange notes here.
- I did nice stuff this week and did some non-disciplined things so I will try to compensate in the weekend for my fuckery. I preferred to meet some friends and play some video game instead of working on my side projects.

Family:
- Need to bring back my kid time everyday to get our relation better, it is a lot of questions and talking about many things in life. When he would leave home, what he would do when he grows up. Sometimes I get surprised but I take any conversation, I answer everything. Even sometimes he ask me if I will die then I end up teaching him what to do if that happened now.
- Expecting another book "There is no such thing as bad weather" let's see how Scandinavian people raise their kids. Also found some book in one post here "Iron John, Books about men" which I am planning to get. Any tips here are welcome.
- I got a schedule for him to hang on the wall so he get to control his days, choose what to do away from mandatory stuff that he can't change.

Relationships:
- I lost the urge of stalking my exs finally and I don't feel I wanna do it again. After a decade of doing that.
- I decided long time ago that I will never get back to any of my exs as I deserve better, I deserve no drama, not to spend effort to fix my old faggot history for them but for myself.
- It is two years now, I need to stop being autistic about women, I am so happy alone but I wanna fuck and enjoy some feminine energy. I have seen couple of women during that time, almost had sex but because I am autistic I didn't realize. Coming from 10 years of relation and suddenly discover that there is something called dating and game. For that I am working on my online dating with more focus, getting better pics, making my language better. Sometimes I approach some women when the food comes to my mouth, but I am no fan of hitting any girl.
- I get a lot of choosing signals, my women colleagues laugh when we speak, I can easily see women's weakness/insecurity. I am trying to open more conversations. I don't validate any women, I have no women friends "BS".
So my plan here to invest more time, be a better gamer, get some online dating results and get laid, I will be happy to spin some plates and maybe in the future I find some good woman to settle with.

Sex:
I wrote about getting laid above but this requires a section.
- I was always against paid sex because I have a lot of bad experiences with that and the non-transactional sex has been always better for me. But this year I decided to give myself another opportunity so I tried twice now. Same bad experience, I can't maintain erection, a lot of thinking, women cares only about the money so I end up getting a HJ, lose some money so I will stop this shit and focus my energy on meeting someone.
- I remember last sex I had in my LTR, I used to come quickly because I didn't have a lot of sex and I was so anxious about it so that continues till now and I know even if I meet a girl that would happen in a high percentage which is freaking me out.
- LTR times, I was this horny guy who has no problem fucking 10 times everyday, I had some experiences like ones in DEVI so it is very frustrating.

Career/Finances:
- Everything is under control, leading couple of projects same time, working on my own.

Time management:
- I have been out of social media for years now so I activate once every couple of days for 5m to have a look. Now even better, I deleted all social media apps and using browser instead and that saved me 90% of the time.

PutABabyInThat · 2021-01-23T01:00:31+00:00

[deleted]

rightsided · 2021-01-21T00:50:22+00:00

OYS 53

Me 30y| Wife 34y | 4 Kids (6,4,2, infant)

Lifts are much better this week, except for bench. I’m now squatting twice a week, which has definitely helped, as I feel much stronger and my form has improved. Bench has plateaued, and it probably has a lot to do with how I am lineally progressing. I’ll DB bench on non-bench days to see if this gets me un-stuck.

Got a lot of good advice on disciplining my kids last week. I have a lot of difficulty balancing my emotions and reasoning/logic when it comes to disciplining my kids, especially my 4-year-old son. Part of me just wants him to ‘get it’ to not have to be told to do things, while the other half of me understands that he’s just 4, and sometimes he is going to forget. He is going to prioritize playing over putting away his things after school. I just realized that when he does do what I and my wife want him to, we don’t praise him enough. This is something I intend to really focus on, for the next two weeks (I have two weeks remaining paternal leave). I also realize that I do, sometimes, need to apply pressure to my kids. To challenge them to do better and be better. I must find the sweet spot between being challenging and being overbearing, and when they overcome these challenges, to lavish them in praise.

On the subject of praise, upon relistening to TWOTSM, I realized that I could do with praising my wife more. I started small: saying thank you the little things, complimenting on what I really liked about dinner, telling her how great of a job she’s doing with the baby. It’s been hard for me because I’m not use to giving ~~praise~~ anything without expecting something in return. I feel awkward at times, but I’m learning to push pass this feeling. To my surprise, my wife has become more giving, approachable, and even sweeter. I see how my wife is responding to these changes and I know I can get better results out of my children.

The past few days, I’ve had to wake up early to get my 6 and 4-year-old ready for school. This has been a blessing in disguise because I have to wake up early and go to bed early. I’m most productive when I wake up early; in fact, I credit this lifestyle to securing a job which doubled my salary a few years back. Now with a new drive, to do and give more, I’m trying to re-acclimate myself with the early-bird lifestyle. I know I’ll get the results I now seek because I have a plan and goals – the only thing lacking is the execution. From now on, I decided, mornings are for administrative tasks, working on my mission, and getting general stuff done, afternoon – evening I study, and after dinner I allow myself to kick back and enjoy some whiskey and entertainment – if I’ve had a productive day. I’m still fleshing out the details, I suck at details, and defining what is ‘productive.’ It has to be quantitative and not just based on my feelings, because I’ve given myself too many passes in the past. I’m considering calling it ‘work,’ writing goals on my goal board the night before and getting those done the next day.

This new shift in how I’ll utilize my time has required me to sit down and really formulate a plan, and has generated more questions than answers so far. I feel swamped, but excited to be moving into a more productive lifestyle. I’m reading ‘Three Feet from Gold’ and it mentions to write down 10 passions and 10 skills, and get with a trustworthy and believable person and whittle the list down to 1 for each. This will get me closer what I want out of my career/work.

thenextme2020 · 2021-01-20T18:03:23+00:00

OYS #4

Mid 30’s / 6ft / 170lb

Married: 10 years / 2 young kids

Mission

I don’t know what my mission is yet. I’ve spent my entire life people pleasing and doing what I “should be doing” as opposed to listening to my inner compass. So, for the moment, my mission is to find my inner compass and rebuild myself starting from there.

Reading

Focusing on two book at time so I can really absorb them and reflect. Rereading WISNIFG this week and a parenting book to help me with my toddler’s tantrums.

Fitness/Diet

My home gym situation is minimal at the moment. I bought a bunch of dumbbells, a bench, etc. Earlier in the week I asked my wife if I could borrow her 10lb dumbbells. I didn’t like how I felt doing that. It felt emasculating. Later in the evening I told my wife that I'd like to order adjustable dumbbells. She simply said ok and we moved on. I felt relieved because I had braced myself for a "no that's too much money" or an argument. I realize now that I still needed her “ok”. I need to continue working towards owning my decisions no matter her reaction, and sometimes, just doing shit. Diet has been inconsistent. I stress eat when work gets intense. I need to be more mindful of that this week.

Last week I didn’t share any stats. Here are my stats:

Chest/Triceps on 3x per week. Shoulders, Biceps and Back the other 3. Legs on day 7 - typically some kind of 30m routine involving lunges and deadlifts with dumbells.
Flat Chest Press: Dumbells, 80lb total, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Incline Chest Press: Dumbells, 80lb total, 4 sets, 15 reps.
Tricep extensions: 15lb dumbells. 6 sets each arm 15 reps.
Shoulder press: 30lb dumbells, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Bicep Curl: 20lb dumbells, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Narrow Row: 20lb dumbells, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Wide Row: 20lb dumbells, 6 sets, 15 reps.
Shrugs: 20lbs dumbells, 3 sets, 10 reps
Reverse Flys: 15lb dumbells, 6 sets, 10 reps
Y’s: 10lbs dumbells, 6 sets, 10 reps

Mental/Mindset

I’m continuing to enjoy the peace and clarity I find during my late evening workouts. Kids are in bed, wife is in bed, and I finally have time to myself. Before MRP I thought I had to spend every evening with my wife doing some kind of couples activity (watching TV, whatever). I’m now doing what I want to do, which is typically lifting. My STFU has been hit or miss this week. I’m still getting easily irritated by small things. Whenever I'm around anyone that is in a shitty mood I get set off. I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to control other people’s emotions because I think I’m responsible for them. If someone is sad, I must have done something, and therefore need to fix it. This comes from a childhood where I was forced to parent my parents. I’m almost constantly seeking approval. I want to find approval inside me. I want to give myself permission rather than constantly seeking permission. My goal this upcoming week is to continue to STFU, observe, not get pulled into shitty arguments, and avoid reacting angrily in any situation. I want to see how I feel afterwards. Hopefully I’ll feel better.

Relationship

I’m still super reactive to my wife’s mood swings. A few times this week I avoided taking the bait and just watched her be moody. It was hard. It’s shark week, and like clock work she’s bitchy and irritable. Being someone who feels responsible for all her feelings, I immediately assumed I did something wrong, or fucked up somehow. She’s been an asshole to me all day. I do everything in my power to not react and keep a comfortable distance. I just do my own thing and try not to act needy or fix her. Although I’m stressed out, I don’t complain to her about work. I simply mention how my day is going and a few good things that happened. I realize now that was validation seeking behavior and that I was seeking a "good job".

Later in the day my wife surprises me with a kiss and hug while I’m washing the dishes. It’s sort of eye opening to see that I didn’t cause her shit ass mood (although I know that I still do when I'm not the Oak). It’s eye opening to experience what it feels like to be the stable, non-needy one for a change. I don't want to be the more emotionally volatile person in the relationship anymore. I don't like how it makes me feel, and I know for sure that it is unattractive. My wife doesn’t want to hear about my problems or help me solve them anymore. This is good because I want to start solving my own problems and be her rock. For years I’ve thought that being vulnerable with her was the key to intimacy. I suspect that some types of vulnerability are good, but not the kind where it’s just complaining about shit I should just take care of (or better yet, not have a strong emotional reaction about). Sex has been better the last few weeks. I'm consciously working on breaking away from the boring approach I've taken for years. The kind of shit where I wait for some cue that she wants to do it before engaging. I tried fucking how I want to this past week, and I enjoyed it way more. She appeared to like me taking initiative (no shit) and responded by being slightly more into and "reciprocating" once. I want to get rid of my "give to get" mentality in bed and only do things because I enjoy it or because I get enjoyment out of her enjoyment. Interestingly, the sex was better on days that I either stood up for myself, or simply STFU, but I don't want to start believing that is what got me better sex. What got me better sex is me initiating better sex. Lifting has also started to restore my drive which is great. Prior to lifting I'd let our marriage problems depress me and I'd go meet my needs in other ways. I cut that pattern out a few months ago which has helped me redirect my energy towards improving my life and relationship.

Social

Did nothing social this week. I going to call 2 friends this week, and try to organize a Zoom happy hour with another group of dudes.

Career

Work has been insanely stressful. I don’t handle work stress well, and I really want to get better at that. Work has robbed me of sleep this week - I’m only getting 4-5 hours a night. Whenever I encounter a new challenge at work I get very anxious. That happened a lot this week. I resisted the urge to let the anxiety snowball, and instead told myself that I simply need to work hard, and separate myself from the results. This helped, and I ended up killing it. This always happens. I freak out before a big meeting or deliverable. It ends up going well, and then I finally relax. This is a form of validation. I want to work on feeling exactly the same before and after the work challenge.

Financial

I’ve started to do the taxes.

Family

Last weekend I took my toddler out for daddy day. We spent 5 hours out and about doing fun shit like getting lunch and going to the park. It was awesome. I get tired of always doing things as a family. The quality time also really helped my son. He was way more calm the rest of the weekend.

Near-term Goals

Lift.

STFU.

Don’t engage during shit tests.

Take over pieces of the financials.

Talk to more people in public and actually call a friend.

Stop asking for permission for everything and do what I want.

TheRealKakuzo · 2021-01-20T14:03:15+00:00

OYS #1

27 years old, 5'11, 146lbs, single.

Short background: Most of my life I've been the classic Mr. Nice Guy. I've had two LTRs, each for around two years. The first was a really bad experience, because I let her walk all over me. The second relationship was better (I got lucky), but I still operated completely in her frame. Because of that, I was ultimately unhappy in the relationship. These two relationships are my only sexual experiences. I've started to read the sidebar and it opened my eyes fact that it wasn't my parents' fault that I'm unhappy with my relationships. Neither was it my ex's fault. It was completely my fault and only I have the responsibility and power to improve myself.

Reading: NMMNG, Bachelor Pad Economics.

Mission: Become a man. Build a community.

Physical: I'm skinny and weak. Changing that is my top priority at the moment. Since all gyms are closed, I've started the Recommended Routine from the Bodyweight Fitness subreddit a couple of weeks ago. Up to now I've managed to successfully do the routine three times a week and I've made progress. However, on some days I didn't really push myself, and consequently my progress isn't as good as it could be. This week I'll try to improve every single workout.

Since I'm so weak, bodyweight exercises are still really challenging (i.e. I can't manage a single set of pull-ups). In the mid-term however, I want to upgrade to actual lifting weights. Ideally gyms will open again soon – if not I need to think of another solution.

My diet in the last years was always quite healthy, but it's not enough to gain weight and build muscles. I've started tracking what I eat and counting calories. I'm aiming for 3000kcal/day in order to gain weight. I've hit this goal six days last week. One day I've slept in and skipped breakfast and then couldn't eat enough in the evening to still reach my goal. I need to work on my discipline in that regard. I usually have trouble eating a lot in the evening, so I need to focus on having a big, protein filled breakfast and lunch.

Social: I have a couple of acquaintances and good friends in my city. I've learned to be proactive about maintaining friendships in recent years. However, I don't have any abundance mentality in my friendships. For example, in the last year two of my friends moved away and I had a lot of trouble adjusting to that. The reason for that lack of abundance mentality is that it is hard for me to make new friends. So, my goal is to try to expand my social circle, meet new people and improve my social skills.

Relationships / Sex: I've stopped watching porn in the last week and I'll try my best to continue doing so.

I basically don't have any game with girls. My only skill in that regard is that I can dance, but since all clubs are closed at the moment, this skill is rather useless in picking up girls. I struggle a lot with approaching girls, especially when there is no context. In the last week I focused on at least building eye contact when I'm out in the street. Actually, I've managed to build eye contact with two pretty girls and to make them smile at me; usually they wouldn't even notice that I exist. Of course, I didn't have to balls to actually say Hi, which is just pathetic. I really have a long way to go.

My main goals for this week is to actively continue reading NMMNG (including doing the exercises) and to push myself in the workouts.

fwithaturtleneck · 2021-01-20T10:25:08+00:00

OYS #2

Stats

18 years old, 5'9", single, last sexual encounter: April 2020.

This Week.

This week wasn't eventful. There's not much I can do besides try and improve my habits at home, which I've been currently been taking care of. I've been trying to sleep at a earlier time, 9pm, and get away from blue screens for half and hour prior. I've figured out that I actually have a issue falling asleep without ASMR, so prior to putting away screens, I find one that's an hour long, and just after reading a book (Gendernomics if you're interested), I quickly open and paly the video, trying to keep the screen as far away as possible. Don't know how much is needed to fuck up your sleep but I assume a good 5 minutes.

Exercise.

Dumbbells are still acting well with covid, and with a wide variety of exercises to pick and choose of how I'm going to hit each muscle and their different heads for exercises like Triceps or Biceps, I'm able to keep at it while actually getting engaged rather than just going through the movements. Training style is that similar to Ryan Humiston's on Youtube. I'm not the best judge of my progress but from how others I used to talk to alot react to me flexing in online calls, I'd say I'm doing good.

Social.

Social life cannot be improve at the moment, else I'd get the wrath of my parents (still living at home due to education). Plus, they're wrapped in the fact that they're "High Risk" and since they listen to the news 24/7, it would be like talking to a brick wall to be lenient.

Education.

I'm not where I want to be at the moment of my education; I get its only high school but I want to take it somewhat seriously. I've got my parents shouting at me how important it is and I'm pretty sure its just them living vicariously through me so I take what they say with a grain of salt. Not that its not important, but it isn't the be all end all of your life. Once I've gotten myself organised with my more fundamental habits (Sleep, sex, a job), I'll work on it far more.

Things I want to improve.

This week, I'm focusing on sleep. Once I've got that habit set, I'm going to shift more into splitting in getting a job and improving my college work. The habit set for sleep is going to bed at 9pm with a half hour window where I look at a very limited amount of blue screens.

Once I've done that consistently for one week, I'm slowly going to introduce more college-related habits as well as work on getting some form of income; a lot of guys in the YouTuber side of the sphere don't have their own editors so if I can learn Sony Vegas or some other editing software, that could be a good piece of work I could do.

HamatoSoup · 2021-01-21T02:00:00+00:00

OYS #3

Mid 30s, married for 5 yrs (together 10), two toddlers

Why I am Here

I want to lead my family and take control of my life.

Lifts

5'10", 178lb, 19% bf

5x5s, Bench: 185, Squat: 215, Dead Lift: 230, Barbell Row: 135

I read an article that 10-15% is ideal for muscle growth, so I may have overbulked a bit. Article could have also been total bullshit. Either way, I am planning to start leaning out, which was likely going to happen anyway, since I’m working in my triathlon training.

Reading

NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, Rational Male, Book of Pook, Sex God Method, How to Win Friends..

Rereading rational male and binging some Rian Stone on YouTube

Weekly Review

Marriage:

We had sex once this week. I initiated about every night, which was mostly met with annoyed resistance. Received multiple “all you want is sex” variations. Mostly fogged and agreed. I tried to keep it playful and wasn’t butthurt about it. Made her giggle once.

My initiations are coming across as annoying, and my fogging and stfu is being received as condescending. I’m going to keep at this and hopefully I will get better and/or more attractive.

I refused to fetch a glass of water which led to a failed initiation and a comment the next day about how we haven’t been getting along and there is an emotional disconnect, which is why sex has been off the table. The glass of water was used as an example. Basically “start obeying my orders again and I’ll give you sex”.

The next day before we were about to go upstairs and have sex, I was asked to fetch a glass of water. I thought about it for a second, followed orders and took my reward. Probably a huge fail, but I was incredibly horny.

Finances:

Still planning to put myself in the drivers seat for finances. I started to put together a spread sheet for our monthly spending. Haven’t gotten very far but moving in the right direction. Trying to get a better idea of everything coming in and out.

Work:

Failed to study at all this week. I need to set a schedule and stick to it. Struggling to find time. Planning to come up with a plan this week.

Social:

I met a friend at a nearby bar for a couple drinks one night. Bartender was cute, so I made it a point to talk to her. Went a lot better than expected and ended up taking a shot with her. I’m aware being nice is her job but it was something I wouldn’t normally do. My friend made a comment when we left, saying “where the hell was that behavior 10 years ago?? That would’ve helped us out a lot!”

I made it over to the neighbors one night to have a few beers with a couple of guys in my neighborhood. Ended up having a good time watching some football just hanging out.

Sunday night we went out to dinner with another couple. I did my best to talk and be outgoing. I feel like the evening went well. I wasn’t as fun as I was hoping to be, but it went well. I need to work on creating the fun and being the life of the party. Still a long way to go on that. I discovered I had a covert contract in my head that I would get sex at the end of the night. Didn’t realize it until I heard “please don’t try to have sex with me tonight, I’m too tired.” It didn’t feel good hearing that as I had been trying to have sex for days and this seemed like a great night for it. Sat in my office thinking about how I am not attractive enough and how I ended up here.

Kenny_Scolari · 2021-01-20T03:24:35+00:00

A second significant injury derailed my lifting progress this week, working around them I managed 2 sessions. Both injuries are receiving treatment, one should be fully recovered in 2 weeks and the other 6 - 8 weeks. I’m going to use it as an opportunity to work arms and core in the meantime.

Injury had a flow on effect with my calorie consumption, I don’t want to go surplus while I’m not lifting. Sticking to maintenance for 2 weeks.

I observed a lot of failures this week in terms of body language, nice guy behaviours, DEERing, shame triggers. The positive is that I am at least aware of it now, and when I catch myself I am trying to change the behaviour. I’ve been putting a lot of time into being my own judge and using the assertive techniques from WISNIFG and starting to have some small wins. Going to spend more time on implementing the lessons from NMMNG AND WISNIFG, and start Married Man Sex Life Primer on Sunday.

Ticking off the last of my BFA’s this thursday.

nemo_land · 2021-01-19T18:14:22+00:00

OYS 14

39 yo, 5’5(1,7m), 136lbs(62kg), married 6, together 10, kids 5 & 7

Kids did stand up for themselves and I am happy about it

Physical

Due to my injury, my workout 3 times a week is:

Wall sit exercise 3/4min
5 sets of push up isometric for 2 minutes
Dips 5*1min
superman 5*1min

Work

Feeling good to be rewarded at work

Kids

Two weeks ago my oldest son took some punches from a bully. I decided to coach my oldest son to hit back. I pretend I am a bully and he has to hit me back. I do that every day and I am glad my oldest son kick him back last Monday and Tuesday. Since then he did not have any issues with the bully. My oldest son seems to be in good mood. I continue to train him to do some kind of boxing. Generally speaking, I am telling him to punish anybody verbally or physically when being attacked. My younger son proudly told me he hit back also a bully.

I did organize for next week a big playdate but some parents seem to be reluctant due to covid.

Family

Good time with wife this WE.

Mentally

Feeling generally good.

Social

Did not play to boardgames ex-colleagues for a while. One of the ex-colleagues reaches to me because he wanted to organize something maybe this week. Wait and see.

DirtyNuke · 2021-01-19T12:04:31+00:00

OYS 76

Age 65 Ht 5'11" Wt 177 Wife 67 Married 44 Together 47

Physical

Lost ground on dumbbell bench press this week. Had to reduce weight to complete all the sets. This was disappointing after previous progress. It was the surgery arm that was failing. However a couple days later on the triceps specific day things were fine - expected progress and all. So maybe it was a one time fail. In any case I will go back to adding auxiliary lifts to get this back on track.

(re) Reading TWOTSM, archives on game, communication, frame, etc. It's always useful and I see things that kind of bounced off, flew past me or I simply needed to be reminded of. One specific action is I need to be more giving of praise.

I'm also still working on accepting praise. Instead of internally deflecting it, to just accept it as it is, and move on. My initial reaction is not a bogus "I'm not worthy" as much as I knee-jerk don't trust her when she says nice things. Or perhaps "don't dare let yourself be happy". I've done enough PON to usually recognize I'm doing it, pause, realize I know better, smile or say thanks. But I had a miss the other day and just went to the default STFU.

Zero for ten in the grocery store eye contact game. Even tried to catch attention by saying "excuse me", "hi", etc. as I maneuvered my cart past them. Still just practicing.

I have been working the logistics for a family trip to a covid-restricted destination in February. A lot of moving parts beyond just the air, resort, car, etc. including testing, test results, uploads, health checks, blah blah. One son and his family are going as well. Of course all this assumes everyone tests negative. And back-up plans to delay or leave people behind. A lot of continual chasing and herding cats to get everything taken care of in time. Typical project management stuff.

LARP_No_More · 2021-01-20T06:21:14+00:00

OYS #8

Age 36. Ht 6'8". Wt 175.5 lbs. BF 15.4%

Fiancée 28. Together 3.5 years.

Lifts

Reverse BW pull-ups 8x3 -- BW split squats 8x3 -- "Assisted" dips 8x3 -- Single leg "deadlift" 8x3 -- BW rows 8x3 -- Incline push-ups 8x3 -- Athlean-X ab routine.

Read

NMMNG, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, TRM#1, MAP, Extreme Ownership, MMSLP, What Women Want When They Test Men, How To Win Friends & Influence People, Atomic Habits, The Obstacle Is The Way, Practical Female Psychology, Models, top 50 MRP posts of all time

Mental

Anxiety shot through the roof last week. I meditated and kept to my workout schedule, which helped keep it under control, but I still lost the ability to concentrate on work. I did my usual method of distracting myself with reddit and other bullshit but that's all it is -- distraction. I now realize until I can better concentrate while anxious, at least I can do busy work that's actually productive. Cleaning, organizing, running errands, etc. Much better use of my time. Previously I would use porn to distract myself and get that dopamine going but I was able to resist this time. I know I don't deserve a fucking medal for being slightly less of a fuckup but I'll take the victory.

Sex

Wanted to fuck my fiancee last night but wasn't in the mood for the usual time and effort I put into foreplay and getting her warmed up and making sure she's taken care of. Still ridding myself of that Nice Guy thought process of "I'm gonna be different than those selfish guys". Not that I've never just taken her hand and lead her into the bedroom and had my way with her before, it's just not often. Most of the time if I want to fuck but don't feel like putting in 100% I'll just not initiate at all.

This time I just walked out into the living room naked after my shower and started initiating. Her period still wasn't over like I thought so I guided her to take care of me anyway. Success. Now, I'd be lying by omission if I didn't mention she *literally* has told me to do that before -- come at her with a hard dick and start going to town. Did I only do it because mommy gave me permission or because I wanted it and took it? I don't know. But I made sure to be in my own frame the entire time. Later I was told "You should do that more often."

Physical

Feeling good. Don't think having Covid has left any lingering effects, though pull-ups are harder than I remember. I was up to five but now I can barely do two. I was only out for a month. Was that all it took? Some of the other exercises are getting too easy now. Need to finally integrate the bands that I bought a while back.

Back to bulking. Slow start but I'm getting there. My job has started back so I'll have more of an appetite and on-site catering means more options for snacking in between meals. Need to watch my fat intake. I don't mind getting a little belly (in fact I anticipate it) but bulking is not an excuse to eat whateverthefuck.

An aside:

As a kid I think I learned a lot of beta conditioning from '90s shows like Saved By The Bell, where guys like AC Slater were constantly accused of being sexist pigs. I didn't want to be called that. I would be different. I would respect women. Then I'd get my needs met and be happy. But you know what I only recently realized? Slater also got the very girl who called him those things. He A&A'd and AM'd and didn't allow other's opinions of him to become his own. You know who never got the girl? Fucking Screech. I'm Screech. Or at least I used to be. I may never be Slater or Zack Morris but I can be the best version of who I am. I'm on my way, and I'm liking this me a lot better already.

titmouse_ · 2021-01-19T10:11:19+00:00

OYS 1 1/19/2021

29 years old, 6”1’, 235 lbs. (probably 25-30% BF if I had to guess). 1RMs: Squat-275 lbs., Deadlift-315 lbs., Bench-250 lbs.

I’m a nuclear level retard.

You may have seen my post that I made four or so months ago on r/askMRP about when I got hammered and looked at girls with big asses on Reddit. I don’t know how to Hyperlink but it’s a Hyperlink in u/HornsOfApathy’s science experiment post. Anyways, that was around four months ago, and I kind of “mentally checked out” of MRP mental models and concepts. When I revisited a few days ago, I looked at askMRP and saw HoA’s pinned post about his science experiment or whatever it was. I stumbled across my entry, and I nearly cringed to death at what I wrote, so now I’m here to “destroy” that person and become someone I can be proud of.

Things have gotten a little better (or at least more peaceful) since then. I look at way less porn and I don’t get drunk anymore, so that’s good. I haven’t actually done any MRP related work though, and that’s not fucking good. Things have recently gotten more tense and she gets angry a lot easier. I’ve tried to take the “mainstream” way out and told her to please be more respectful to me, but as we all know, I’m unattractive and therefore she probably doesn’t give a golden fuck about my boundaries.

I’m definitely a noob at being a respectable man, so I’m just trying to get myself used to STFU and not engaging in useless/pointless arguments and trying to be right. I recognize that she, like most women, are effectively red pill master samurais and I’m a child with a stick. STFU will be my best friend for a long time.

My second best friend will be the gym. I got myself a nice home gym so I have no excuse to not lift at least five times per week, every morning. With that, I’ll be intermittent fasting as well, 16/8’s. My goal is to have visible abs and reasonable amounts of muscle by June 1st.

Also, I’ll need to read the basics more. I fold easily under her demands of me to do things, so I’ll start reading WISNIFG.

Most of all, these changes will be uncomfortable for my blue self, so I’ll have to start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and do those uncomfortable shit every day. I don’t want to overwhelm myself so while I’m going to try to shift as many mental models as possible, I will be hyper focusing on STFU and not dragging myself into arguments I can never win even if I’m right.

GOALS: - visible abs, or at least a flat stomach/“bear mode” by June 1st - read all of WISNIFG twice and NMMNG once by June 1st (I’m not a fast reader and I don’t plan on rushing the reading) along with getting comfortable employing its strategies. - post to OYS every week

HitReset22 · 2021-01-19T11:35:19+00:00

OYS # 1 39 y.o. Wife is 40. Married 13 years together 20. 2 children, 9 and 11.

Height 5’10” Weight 207 lbs

Sidebar: I have read NMMNG, MAP, MSLP, The Way of the Superior man, WISNIFG and parts of The Rational Male and Book of Pook however I have not studied them properly and need to reread it to take it in more.

Lifting: N/A. I prefer cardio as exercise but I know I need to lift as well. Trying to work out how to fit it in.

Hobbies: My only real hobby is golf. I used to do triathlons and would like to get back to it. Both of these are essentially solo.

Social: very minimal, I only really socialise with other parents at my kids sports. I am generally introverted and I am actually happy staying at home rather than going out. Work to do here at some point, but not top of the tree.

Finances: pretty well sorted. No debt (own our house) and splitting money off each pay check to invest.

Relationship: I would call our relationship good but not great. A year ago I would have said it was average at best. I have taken some advice from what I have read and tried to be more relaxed and fun instead of worrying about what she might be thinking. We have sex 1-2 times a week although it is rarely PIV, more so oral etc. lately I have realised I am a bit crap in bed but I am not sure how to fix that at this stage.

Work: my job is ok, but I can’t say I wake up excited about going to work. I have heard the saying that if you love your job you never have to work a day in your life. I can’t think of a job that I would love that much.

Mission: I struggle here. I have goals around golf, triathlon and a thought of how I want to be. That said I couldn’t formulate that into a well worded statement, more just a thought.

Dilemma: I can’t work out how to fit everything that I want and need to do into a day. I have struggled for years to find balance between hobbies, wife, children, learning and relaxing. My focus shifts between these pillars but I would like to find a more routine way to balance them but it seems there are not enough hours in the day. I know there is time, I just need to work out how to use it.

Overall: I understand I am nowhere near as attractive as I could be. I am well overweight and my game is weak but slowly improving, this post is a kicking off point.

Goals for the week: Start lifting - StrongLifts Program Start rereading NMMNG.

SufficientNorth- · 2021-01-19T13:42:27+00:00

OYS #3

26 years, 5’7”, 185lbs, ~16%BF

I revisited a book I read in the summer called The Code by Jocko Willink, which gives you a self evaluation to do on yourself based on health, personal & professional development, character/leadership, relationships, and preparedness/safety. It’s basically a book for OYS, figured it’s worth sharing with this community.

Health - Early in the week I injured my knee at Jiu Jitsu and didn’t get to train after that. Kept lifts to mostly upper body this week until yesterday. Notable lifts for the week BP 205x5, DB rows 80x10, pull ups x16, deadlifts 315x6. Stayed away from Olympic lifts while my knee is still a bit tight. 1RM’s will be updated next week.

Personal development - WISNIFG audible version. I’m restarting this book on kindle because I tend to zone out while I drive so I end up missing a few minutes here and there. I will go back through and highlight. - I personally found the OYS podcast to be a good use of my time even if they aren’t covering my post. There is certainly no shortage of examples of how NOT to OYS. They explained the hierarchy of competence and its relevance to MRP which I think a lot of people could get some value from.

Professional development - Spring semester starts this week. Two classes, but I’ll be teleworking for at least a month so I am going to add a third since I’ll have the extra time.

Character/leadership - This week I was able to identify some covert contracts in my head and kill them before I could say/do anything stupid. Example, I was getting bitched at for forgetting to do something, and my mind would say at first “but I cooked X times this week and bought XYZ for the house, just be happy!”. However, STFU is producing some results that I can see already. Take criticism on the chin and press on, keep getting better. Don’t engage. - took initiative this week to just do shit that needed to get done, before being asked about it. Let people be pleasantly surprised instead of having to ask me “hey did X get done yet?”.

Relationship - this week was pretty easy. STFU-ing is making it so much easier to just let shit go, take some criticism, press on. Sex twice. Would like it to be more. One of the two times I initiated early in the evening to no avail, STFU, and later in the evening she initiated. Looking for some resources to get better at gaming. I know for sure I get a better response if we’ve had a long and fun evening together. On weeknights/after work, it’s a bit different to get that same build up of attraction.

Preparedness/Safety - like I said I only got to train BJJ once last week which sucks. This week I’ll take it slower and train at least 4 days. Since I’m going to be tracking it now, I’m going to start making some time to go to the range. There’s no excuse not to, I just haven’t made time for it. I would like to get to a point where I’m training twice a month at minimum.

R288DRO · 2021-01-19T09:23:35+00:00

OYS #6

Age 31, w 224lbs , married 2 years together 8. 1 year old . Easily 30%+ bodyfat.

Reading

*NMMNG x 3 *WISNIFG *WOTSM *MMSLP *SGM *Subtle art of not giving a fuck

Physical

*B- 135kg *D- 120kg *S- 120kg

Managed to get hold of some iron. Couple of 45lb dumbells - but its enough to keep me goin through lock down.

Been doing some lifting with my younger brother.

Doing IF too as it limits the amount of time I have to shovel food in my mouth. Tests my self control and still calorie counting.

Style

Thrown out a bunch of clothes - ordered some new smart shirts.

Mental

Motivation has increased. Eating cleaner, weight slowly coming off, drinking more water again.

Reading more in general - reading books around finances and developing myself from a mental perspective.

Need to read about game again and start approaches. Not even tried in years.

Career / Finance

Spoke to my boss about a new contract we are going for. Said why I should be promoted - if we win this contract, I'm getting bumped up.

Marriage

Shit tests - starting to notice them. Usually I would bite at every single one of them and spend hours dwelling/talking about them. At the moment, I'm just STFU on them. Which usually results in things being back to normal after 5 minutes or so.

3 out of 4 initiatations were successful this week.

So I've been playful with the wife this week, lots of kino. Since stopping the focus around getting BJ's as a priority - quality has improved.

I have definitely noticed a boost in my libido since quitting porn too.

I was working from home and she came into my office, I told her to sit on my lap. She said no because the neighbours can see through the window - but said this with a giggle. So I pulled her onto straddle me and started kissing her. I then pushed her off, slapped her on the ass and said "go on, fuck off - I've got work to do". She smirked and walked off. Banged later.

Here's an area I'm not sure on. We don't drink a lot (2-3 times a year maybe)- but there is 100% a covert contract with alcohol. Usually when we get drunk, we have sex. Last year on one occasion she said "let's do it then, that's why you wanted is to have some drinks". That's when I really realised it was a covert contract.

Now - She wants us to make cocktails on valentine's day.

Here's where I need some help :

Do I just go ahead with it and smash? Or should I be actively trying to stop this covert contract?

Usually I would be the one initiating the idea to have drinks and bang - but I didn't say anything this time.

I also had a realisation the other day - fucking hell. My wife, since we started dating talks to me in a babyish/childish voice. Did I lead? Did I use this to establish a dynamic? No. I fucking did the voices back! Through the MRP lense, I can see what a thoroughly stupid thing that is to do now! So I've started to stop that shit, but jesus christ.

Edit: formatting

WhiteNight200 · 2021-01-19T10:53:02+00:00

Stats: 35yo, 5’9”, 174 lbs., BF 13.7% (Navy)

Lifts:

SQ: 245x6

DL: 265x5

OHP: 125x3

BP: 180x4

Updates

"Nice Guys interpret a woman's approval as the ultimate validation of their worth. Signs of a woman's approval can take the form of her desire to have sex, flirtatious behavior, a smile, a touch, or attentiveness. At the other end of the spectrum, if a woman is depressed, in a bad mood, or angry, Nice Guys interpret these things to mean that she is not accepting or approving of them." (NMMNG)

I have cared too much about what my wife thinks--I think that I have failed when she continues to have a bad opinion of me, when she complains about me, and when she brings ancient history. I am recognizing that this behavior has controlled me for far too long, and I am learning to let these comments roll off instead of taking them personally.

Failures

Took my wife at her word in a discussion and forgot to STFU. She pushed specific buttons that she knew would hurt me the most and I was brutally honest, did not hold frame. Spent the next day thinking it over and analyzing my mistakes, which led me back to NMMNG. By Day 3 I had completely rebounded.

It takes me too long to self-analyze after harsh criticism. I think this is emotionally immature.

Successes

Day 2 I was kino-ing and gaming. Day 3 I took care of my business, entertained the children, socialized at an event with the family, and closed with wife after bedtime. Kept it light, maintained OI, and just enjoyed whatever I wanted to do. Took responsibility for my own pleasure. Made sure to Emote/Comfort/nurture properly afterward.

SeekerTRP · 2021-01-19T13:29:46+00:00

OYS#14

37, 6’0”, 194lbs. BF 19%. Wife is 44. Married 5yr. Together 10yr. Open marriage for 1.5 years. No kids.

Lifts: Bench 210 Dead 255 Squat 250

Mission: Cultivate discipline. Seek wisdom. Be at peace.

Read: Finishing Prereqs. The Power of Now, TWOSM, The Rational Male, 48LOP, WISNIFG, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Models.

Reading: Pook, MAP

I’ve been thinking about vanity. Vanity broadcasts the ego for all to see. I’ve always had a massive ego. What I need to defend myself from is anyone’s guess. I’ve known that the ego was something to be minimized. If not minimized then weaponized. The impetus for swallowing the red pill was borne out of dissatisfaction with what was. I imagine that’s true for all of us here. I had achieved all of my dreams. I had the house, the wife, the business, what’s next? Look at me! Look at all my fancy shit! This is all vanity.

I had everything I had ever dreamed of and I was fat and sick and sad and I didn’t even know it. Drinking myself to sleep to numb and distract from facing the reality that I was living my life in fear. Afraid of being myself and having the balls to create a life I actually want to lead. I feel more confident now, but I haven’t been really tested. I had completely eschewed vanity, or so I thought. What I was doing was moving it from caring about how I looked to being vain about possessions, a clean home, success in life et cetera. I utterly gave up temperance and moderation. I lost what little discipline I had cultivated. What I’m going to do is get some new dreams.

I used to be proud of my ability to see through bullshit. Pride is vice. The false dichotomy of the political spectrum, the lie that we’re free, the slavery of a wage-earning job. The big one that I missed was the sexual dynamic as a system of control. We’ve been indoctrinated to think that men and women are equal. This is such an insidious and destructive lie. My wife needs me to be stronger than her not equal. She needs me to put myself first and tell her to shut the fuck up. Loving myself is loving her. I am consciously incompetent. I’m sure I’m missing something, but I don’t know what.

My perfect home is not so perfect now. I feel trapped as often as I feel proud. Pride is vanity. MRP methods have rekindled the obsession with how I look. I can notice minutiae to the finest detail. I’m carrying 5 or 10 lbs of fat on my belly that doesn’t need to be there. I’m starting to go grey. We’re all dying slowly. I have trouble with moderation. Everything’s either on or off. So too with vanity. It’s disgusting. I’m an attention seeking whore. Just like those pink haired slobs with a million tattoos and extra holes in their face. Pay attention to me. It’s pathetic. No, I’m not going to stop lifting, it feels amazing. I know I’m on the right track there. What I’m going to do is get it to a place where fitness is a beneficial component to a whole healthy life, not it’s entire aim.

My mission is still a lie. So much so that I wonder if all missions are a lie. Maybe those driven people that I so admire are just kidding themselves? Maybe I’m more of a cynic than I thought? Reading and owning my shit is helping me through a challenging time. My wife has been off work since Christmas. I am yet unable to get her to stop using me as an emotional tampon. The vast majority of our interactions consist of her complaining about being sick. I walk away. For what it’s worth I’m pretty sure she’s actually quite sick so at least only some of this is mental. She doesn’t be able to eat food at all anymore. Hey, at least she’ll get skinny again. It hasn’t been the sexiest time. My ‘gaming’ my wife consists of trying to bring the mood up from the ambient state of obsessive complaining. I’m ‘not allowed’ to leave because of covid. There’s nowhere to go when I do. What I’ve been doing about it is I’ve been hardening myself and closing myself off to her. This makes me a less absorbent tampon. It also makes me love her less. I can function and take care of what needs to be taken care of. I can listen to someone I love crying in pain and feel almost nothing. It’s ‘her’ problem. We’re both worse off if I’m broken too. My goal is to get to a place where I am truly apathetic to my wife’s moods and actions unless they are a benefit to my life. Her being sick is not my problem to fix. I could just leave.

There is always a silver lining. This too shall pass, it always does. I am getting exactly the life I deserve by definition. I know that I need to learn this lesson in a karmic sense. I expect that I’m being forged into a better man because of it. Stronger, less naïve, not nice. If she’s dying then die already. No way I would get off that easy.

ice_walker · 2021-01-19T13:41:55+00:00

Stats:

Age 46, married, 4 kids (of which 2 mine from previous LTR)

Lifts:

1RM : Deadlift 135kg, Bench 90kg, Squat 100kg

Wender 531-program

Finances

Approaching the end of the month the finances looks pretty good. It was a very good move to separate the kids finances from the rest of the common expenses.

Health

Had a lot of activities going on on the weekend, cross-country skiing, ice skating, and two lifting sessions in the gym, one on Sunday eve that was heavy. On Monday I felt drained like I do when I have trained hard, but I don't get concerned by it, it is just my body telling me I need to take it easy for a day or two.

Mental Models

Read https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/kxxe5j/initiations_youre_not_that_funny/ and realized that yup, that's often me, trying to initiate without taking the risk of rejection. Have improved lately and actually initiated in a way where I do take the risk of rejection

Plan forward

Took some time to sit down and take a look at what I want the rest of my life to look like, and what I find important and unimportant in a romantic relation. The conclusion is that I am pretty happy with a mix of easy family life and doing exiting stuff like climbing, hiking etc. A romantic relation adds some spice to the whole stew but is not the central part of life.

Family life

The step family situation is at an all-time high. Everybody is sharing the chores, we have family dinners and talk, and we do stuff together. It's awesome. I try to see how it would be without wife and I think it would be OK, my relations with the kids has nothing to do with her really.

Relationship

It's a good friendship and cooperation between two people who know each other well. No attraction and no "tingles" though. What keeps me? Fear, of peoples reactions, how the kids will handle it, that I will not be happier, that I will miss family life more than I think now because I don't miss it until it's gone.

What makes me curious is how the divorce will play out. In a way I can sense that wife knows I am checked out - she is too in a way. In anotyher way I think she might play the "I thought everything was fine"-card.

For the coming week, I will use the "erection" test and only initiate when I have a hardon.

midlife_madness · 2021-01-19T14:05:05+00:00

OYS 6

Stats
43 yo, 5’9”, 153 lbs, body fat: 17%-18%
Married 18 yrs, wife 46 yo, 1 kid 8 yo
GSLP week 1 (after 6 weeks SL 5x5) - BP: 105 lbs x 10, DL: 135 lbs x 12, Sq: 135 lbs x 10, OHP: 60 lbs x 14

Reading The Rational Male vol. 1 (Tomassi)

Was out of town for a couple weeks and didn’t get to do my lifts. I’d been doing Stronglifts for several weeks, but on ImpatientZen’s advice, I looked into GSLP. When I got back home I made the switch for the focus on hypertrophy, which feels like a better fit, given my natural scrawniness. I continue to eat more than is comfortable and am coming to grips with getting a little fatter than I’d like to be for now.

At home the bullshit of recent weeks has settled down and I am still focused on doing what I want to do. I’m at a point where I’m not yet free of my old bp habits and loser behaviors but I’m more aware of them now and becoming more adept at heading them off before they manifest in unattractive ways. I still feel shitty when I initiate sex and get rejected, but at least I’m aware of where my mind is at and I can stop the display of butthurt before it starts. I’m definitely not as OK with it as I pretend to be - and I’m probably not as good at hiding that as I think I am - but I’m working on it. I also notice I still get that pang of anxiety in my stomach when my wife starts losing her shit about something; that feeling that used to send my mind racing for an adequate DEER response. The difference now is that I just swallow that and remember that it doesn’t matter. Other people are allowed to be angry or frustrated or bitchy or whatever and I’m allowed to continue feeling however I was feeling before the meltdown. I’m doing well eliminating DEERing in general. I answer questions like “what are you doing?” and “why are you doing that?” simply and factually. I will usually answer the latter with “because I want to” or “because I need to” unless there’s a good reason to explain. When it goes further than that I’ve had excellent results with negative inquiry: “why would it be a problem if I am doing this?”

While I’m doing better on the Don’t Be Unattractive side of things, I’m not where I want to be on the Be Attractive side. Hygiene, grooming, etc are all fine and I’m making progress physically, but my game sucks. I’ve been feeling beat down, insecure, and kind of depressed for a while now, which is entirely antithetical to the fun, sexy guy vibe I want to be radiating. I’m not a complete moping bitch or a grouch or anything, but I am entirely lacking “abundance”. I don’t always keep up on kino, cocky/funny stuff, etc. throughout the day. I’m not creating polarity or sexual energy and predictably my attempts to initiate sex later fall flat at least partially because I haven’t built up to it.

This week I had all the windows in our house replaced. Of course the night before the crew came, I got a big test from the wife freaking out about a raft of “concerns” about the project and about decisions she suddenly forgot we’d already made together. I listened, reinforced the decisions we’d already made, and reiterated my confidence in the plan. Then came the “what ifs” and “what abouts” and I answered confidently that if there were any problems they would be mine to solve and that I can be trusted to deal with them, and that we should simply proceed with my plan unless there was some really compelling reason why we should not. That did the trick. I have several more big projects planned for this year, so it’s likely there will be a lot of this. Will be a good opportunity to exercise leadership skills at home.

New year’s resolutions are stupid but what the hell, I was feeling introspective so I made some nonetheless. One of them is: I will either have the marriage I want by the end of this year or I will end it. This is kind of bullshit because I don’t think I am actually strong enough to stand behind that yet, but I’m making the plan anyway with the assumption my balls will enlarge as I continue down the path I'm on. I have a short list of family lawyers to talk to for initial consultations. I need to know what separation/divorce would look like for me if it eventually comes to that. I also have a short list of therapists to call to start working through some issues and get my mental/emotional shit straightened out. I know that becoming the man I want to be (another resolution) is crucial whether I stay or go. I know what I want to change about my life. I think I know who I want to be. I’ve got my MAP and I'm working through it.

boringstupiduseless · 2021-01-19T14:36:30+00:00

OYS #2

Me 32, Wife 35, Together 6, Married 6, Two kids under 5

72kg, 170 cm tall. Currently in lockdown so doing Animal Bands Routine from home.

/u/johneyapocalypse laid out a bunch of things to me in a comment on my post last week. It's an amazing response, and while not 100% accurate, a few words definitely hit home. Really hit home. Main thing he asked me: what is one thing I would do to to stop being weak?

For me, I see a few small barriers holding back huge progress. So, I’m knocking them down.

First is get a trainer for diet. Six months with a trainer and the progress will speak for itself. I have no lack of discipline in this regard, just knowledge. I am also look forward to having someone to speak with intensively about the physical part of my journey.

This may seem small to the more advanced guys, and it is. But what is behind it are all behavoirs that need to change: poor managing of money at home, and fear of my wife. Fuck that is weak shit. I earn more than enough to comfortably spend $350-$500/m on a trainer, and she can go fuck herself because her opinion her doesn't actually matter.

To the guys who commented last week: Thank you. I didn’t realise I hate myself to this extreme. I honestly thought I still had confidence in myself due to career growth etc. but simply hated who I have let myself become at home.

What a bunch of shit.

It doesn’t matter if I’m crushing it at work/leading my business to success; self-loathing in any part of life is weak. And, after reading your comments and reflecting on the journey to date, I had to admit that I do hate myself.

On the flip side, why not let my professional success fuel a mentality of me as the prize? It can and should flow both ways.

Finally, as I reflected on the comments and where I am/lack of progress, I realise it is largely fuelled by how I've suppressed my anger.

Getting into MRP has opened my eyes but I’ve suppressed the learning because it makes me angry and I resist anger and confrontation. I used the techniques from NMMNG and WISNIFG to improve my social and professional lives, and had some "progress," but the fear of conflict at home and unwillingness to let anger fuel my change has stifled progress elsewhere.

So, fuck it. I’m dropping that shit. Since realising this, I’ve been fired up actually. It’s a rise in energy and enthusiasm I haven’t felt in a long time about myself and this process.

Action: I spoke to a few trainers this week and next week will have one locked down. From there, it’s the next one thing for me to build on.

Stonecutter44 · 2021-01-19T14:47:35+00:00

OYS 5 38 y, GF 31 y, 180cm, 87,8 Kg, 1 kid 1.5 year and another on the way

Tactical leadership was okayish. No emotional outbursts, no panic, little waffling on decisions. I am still micromanaging everything in the household and GF does nothing by her own initiative. It annoys me I have to think about these things. I set a rule last week that dinner table and kitchen should be cleaned before kids go to bed. Same thing here, as long as I remind GF or take the initiative she does the work If I don’t remind her she slacks off. Since it takes a wile to get a new habit going I will give It a couple of more weeks.

I have not been gaming enough and have masturbated to porn once. The pattern is usually that we had average or bad sex a couple days in a row and I rationalize it as I ”let her rest” for a night. It’s clear that I do not truly believe I am the prize yet.

Workouts were according to schedule but I could have pushed myseld harder.

Have been better at meeting with friends outside the house the past weeks. Scheduled another activity with friends for the weekend.

I also discovered another unattractive behavior in myself. I have some OCD style rituals I developed around bedtime, mostly around checking that doors are locked and that electrical things are turned off. This by itself is nothing bad but I tend to do this multiple times and in a specific order and not stop until I am ”satisfied” with the result. I had different rituals like this all my life and reading up a bit on OCD i have learned that these behaviours are to cope with anxiety. The only way to unlearn them is to stop doing them and accept the anxiety. This will be my goal for next week on top of everything else.

stepcousinofmog · 2021-01-19T16:18:51+00:00

OYS 1: No more fuckarounditis.

Me: 45 yrs. Wife: 40 yrs. Married 9 years, together 13 years. 1 boy <5 years. Starfish sex 2-3 times per month, very scheduled.

Stats: 6 ft, 160 lbs, 31.5 inch waist, doing bodyweight fitness and cutting since all the gyms are closed. Body fat is in the 12-15% range, using the eyeball test. HePSU: 3x5, Pull-ups: 3x7 plus 10lbs, Ring dips 3x6.

Sidebar: NMMNG: Would have been very helpful at 14, less so now. I’m not a Nice Guy, at least (got some ways to go before I’m Sexy™ but I’ve escaped that. The bit about covert contracts was helpful. I’ve identified a few:

If I give her orgasms, she’ll want to have sex with me more.
If I’m more attractive, she’ll want to have sex with me more/more enthusiastically.
If I made more money, she’d stop worrying (“If we had.. I think… $8 million I wouldn’t worry about money”).
If I appear 100% right in everything, she’ll be turned on.
More generally: If I behave right, no one will be angry or mocking towards me.
I’m sure there’s more I’m missing and will trip over in this journey.

WISNIFG: As with above, would have been more helpful when younger. “Fogging” is a good idea that I’ve been close to in the past, but was helpful to have made explicit here. The bit on “supposedly objective criticism, really as a way of emotional manipulation” was also good and something I need to be less defensive about/watch out for, especially during our next convo about money. (I see the overlap with A&A pretty clearly). “Yes, it was certainly a bad year, yes, could have sold more, yes, I’m not where I’d like to be, yes, I panicked and sold too soon, yes, that was both dumb and against my plan, no, I feel confident that I can make it, no, I’m not worried, yes, my performance was subpar, yes, I make less than all your previous boyfriends, no, I can’t expect you to be turned on when I’m such a loser compared to them.” You get the picture.

Next up: MMSL

Diet: Eating keto, with 50% compliance last week (3 of 6 days, one day re-carb). I have noticed her getting bringing home more carbs/booze since she noticed progress. Something to be aware of. Action: keep on keepin’ on.

Social: I need to get out of the house more, for me. I was into social distancing before it was cool., but isolation is dangerous. I’ve found two groups that meet IRL. I like, but don’t love, either. I’ll keep going and looking for more. Action: Set aside 15 minutes each week to look for events/groups/social activities. Tough with the ‘rona: aside from Meetup, NextDoor, Craigslist, anyone know of other places to look for in-person events.

Emotional: I’m in the anger phase, and often get stuck in unproductive thought loops about re-doing the past. I know all about the sunk cost fallacy, but can’t help it. Action: Find a therapist to help stop these unproductive mental habits.

Sexual: I’ve noticed recently that I want to have sex less, which may be age, which may be fatigue/health related, but may also be disinterest in her. After all these years she may have succeeded in turning off my libido. Initiated once on my schedule/wants, got the usual results. Action: Initiate when I want to, not when she gives the green light, and practice acting OI when she says no.

Professional: Stick with the work habits I’ve laid down. Practice/rehearse fogging for the next time the wife has an anxiety attack over money.

Family leadership: This is a tough one, as I’m solitary by nature. I also struggle with “leading” vs “doing everything myself”. Got to practice my delegation skills. Action: Lead on meal planning, the kid’s home “lessons”, and less screentime for the whole family.

Fun: Got in a cold hands tickle fight the other night, which was great and we need more of that. Between the ‘rona and the winter, it’s tough to be fun while locked down. Action: Plan a fun date night staying in, where the wife can wear the fancy clothes she mentioned not having an excuse to wear. I have an anxious wife, per this link, and need to be a source of positive energy rather than a passive lump.

Mission: The toughest one. Aside from “have lots of roots and be super-involved in the community” I can’t think of one, and that one is very vague. There’s topics I’d like to learn – does that count? Action: Take 30 minutes, list possible missions, and see which one(s) speak to me.

Title	Own Your Shit Weekly - January 19, 2021
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	26
Comments	255
Date	January 19, 2021 8:30 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l0fpkl/own_your_shit_weekly_january_19_2021/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/own-your-shit-weekly-january-19-2021.727979 https://theredarchive.com/post/727979

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