Talking about character development and how it is totally fine to have had multiple sexual partners and wild sex in the past... Regret is the keyword

Hoopy223 · 2021-10-08T00:04:38+00:00

The only time it bugs me is when people try to make these grandiose, fake logic, patronizing arguments about it. Like AFBB or how the guy should be “happier” because she has “chosen” him over “all those other guys” lol.

throoowwitalllawaaay · 2021-10-08T00:03:26+00:00

So by that logic, considering that I never had such a phase, nor was interested in having it, wouldn't that mean that I would basically be settling for someone who's years behind me when it comes to character development ?
Why would I do that ? lol

CFinCanada · 2021-10-08T11:26:23+00:00

I have had like two one night stands in my life.

Almost every guy I slept with was an earnest attempt to find love/find a match that just didn't go the way I wanted to for various reasons. Same goes for my man who is also high-N.

Why would either of us have regret? For having had bad luck?

upalse · 2021-10-07T23:24:11+00:00

In my experience, women display signs of shame about their past when admitting it to their Billy. Yet at the same time, they'll be proud of it during girls night out, and even complain how family life with Billy doesn't measure up to her 6 month ho phase in college - ie the thing Billy is most anxious about.

In summary, I'd say it really is a mix of a sense of "accomplishment" and shame. Presumably because of how society sends mixed signals about it in the very same manner.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-10-08T00:23:02+00:00

Acting like sex is the only way to gain character development here is pretty sad, and it seems like thats the main theme of all people who went through their wild phase and came out on the other side.

Edit: Relationships too.

"HoW wOuLd YoU kNoW? yOu HaVeN't HaD mAnY rElAtIoNsHiPs!"

Not all people need to go through many of the same or similar experiences to learn something, Nicole.

Exciting-Necessary-5 · 2021-10-08T00:28:09+00:00

Ignorance is bliss,

But if I as a man am being upfront and honest about my past then I expect the woman to be upfront and honest about hers.

But you'll see alot of women these days divide by three 😉

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-10-08T01:39:08+00:00

you can mature and decide to stop doing things without regret.

I did a lot of partying when I was 18. Now I do pot lucks and craft beer with a bbq.

Does that mean I regret partying it up as teen? Nah.

You can mature.... And not regret.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-10-08T14:09:09+00:00

why should there be regret, i dont understand. this is such a bizarre formulation i can tunderstand how you people think. there is no harsh line drawn between "i am having hook ups now" and "i am looking for a BF/partner" now in western dating, there is no reason to regret sleeping with peopel when you are single and it is not some "change of heart" to get in an LTR, you MET someone to get in an LTR with, thats it

LowValueMail · 2021-10-08T05:43:51+00:00

Regret like that is for losers. Regret is for when you’ve hurt other people, not for once having a different lifestyle.

quiturbitchn · 2021-10-07T23:38:28+00:00

You can grow and change and at the same time not regret past you. I don’t regret my past because with your it I wouldn’t be who I am now.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-10-08T02:53:01+00:00

Tattoo this on your forehead. THERE IS NOTHING SEXY ABOUT THE NICE GUY/BETA MALE PROVIDER.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-10-07T22:57:02+00:00

I had a boyfriend once that wanted me to regret not being a virgin when we met. It was a toxic relationship. Never again. Fortunately no other such men have appeared on my radar, outside of here.

John_Oakman · 2021-10-07T23:17:59+00:00

It's not necessarily that strange to not regretting certain past actions yet having no wish to continue doing those actions. Some examples of that would be doing some extreme sports in one's youth: it's something to reminiscence about and tell the younglings decades later, but it's also something that one by their old age doesn't necessarily want to do again by that point.

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-10-08T01:53:45+00:00

You presume that women need men for resources? What resources? I dated around before I got married I did not sleep around or have one night stands but because I married later in life I was what most would consider sexually experienced with top 20% men . I don’t regret any of it. It helped me to know what I wanted in a husband and it made me who I am as a person. I do wish I met him earlier in life but life can’t always go as planned.

I did not go looking for resources in a husband I went looking for love and companionship as well as an equal partner as do many women in this day and age and I know very few that regret their past.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-10-08T00:38:04+00:00

Not everyone is obsessed with body count. I don't even know how many women my husband fucked before me. I don't need him to regret them.

Demasii · 2021-10-08T03:33:42+00:00

I don't like calling it regret if I learned a good lesson that improved my life afterwards.

A regret is if I accidentally killed someone because I was speeding with my car. Nothing good will come out of it. Only guilt and PTSD.

One of the most impactful relationship I had was a male friend who I didn't have sex with. He lied and tried to manipulate me into breaking up with a man I was in a happy relationship with. It taught me how important it is to vet my friendships.

Ever watched the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? The characters kept making the same regretful mistakes over and over again after their memories get wiped out.

A person filled with regret is damaged.

circuitburner · 2021-10-08T06:05:58+00:00

If you banged countless [people] and now suddenly decide to settle down with let's say [Pat]. How can [they] believe that you actually love [them] unless you truly regret your past sexual life?

Most people pick a road and stay course. Few people are going to argue that someone with dozens of previous partners are going to finally settle on a single monogamous successful relationship. If somebody gets off on having sex with new people as characterized by their past, they will keep fucking new people. This isn't a Disney movie where the credits just roll.

I believe relationships can be attempted and people might be able to exercise their willpower, but it's rare to find that type of discipline in the world. The relationship will become corrupted because the person cannot fulfill their usual sexual habits.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-10-08T10:07:03+00:00

I have heard from multiple women that they literally don't regret their sexual past in which they for example prostituted themselves on OF or had a lot of different sexual partners with let's say the top 20% men. If there is no regret then it is just a change of lifestyle and not a character development. It is a change of lifestyle because you were forced to start dating the resourceful guys because you realized that you start aging and eventually your looks fade.

That's because they don't regret it duh. They had their fun and then they found a sucker to pay their way.

Oh, the same goes for the men. If you banged countless women and now suddenly decide to settle down with let's say Becky. How can she believe that you actually love her unless you truly regret your past sexual life?

Except that doesn't happen. Men settled with Stacy and then fuck other Stacies.

Ppdebateismental · 2021-10-09T03:42:56+00:00

If there is no regret then it is just a change of lifestyle and not a character development. It is a change of lifestyle because you were forced to start dating the resourceful guys because you realized that you start aging and eventually your looks fade

My h and I both have higher than average n counts. We both were ready to settle down. Neither of us regrets our wilder days. I have news for you, people of any age still have loads of options for casual sex with people of a similar age. I know my husband loves me BECAUSE he could still go out and bang random women, probably 10 years younger than me too, but he chooses not to.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-10-08T01:52:40+00:00

I dont regret my past, it taught me life lessons. I dont even regret being an escort like some people here think I should. Its their problem, not mine.

Life is short to dwell on regret or the past.

Why do you have to regret the past to love someone?

mistresswhat · 2021-10-08T03:40:38+00:00

The women who say stuff like "I am more mature in my decision making now" are the women who regret it. The "it was fun for a while, but not really my thing anymore" are the ones who don't. So you're just mad at women who do regret their sexual pasts because they're not self-flagellating enough?? Or because you don't believe them??? Idgi.

Anyway this is all very silly, you don't need to regret shit to genuinely love your partner. "I left behind my fun single life because you're so cool" feels a million times more romantic than "I had a miserable time with hookups and just wanted a relationship, you were acceptable and amenable."

Also there are loads of reasons people pull back from hooking up that have nothing to do with "getting ugly" and "chasing resources" but I think that topic requires a few too many brain cells for this sub.

purplish_possum · 2021-10-08T00:06:44+00:00

Why would I regret sexual experience? Becky should be happy I chose her given the fact I had other options.

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2021-10-08T02:19:11+00:00

Why go for the town bicycle when you can go for an equally hot virgin from Indonesia - who also cooks & wants to work?

Lateral thinking bro.

billsull_02842 · 2021-10-08T02:58:13+00:00

other words they dont repent. and their children will walk in their likeness as the Lord hates those who hate the Lord to the 3rd and 4th generation.

gkom1917 · 2021-10-08T10:55:45+00:00

First of all, isn't it speaking volumes that "exploring themselves" and "character development" is always about sleeping around or taking drugs, and not about trying to learn quantum physics or challenge themselves to run a marathon.

Then, of course, regret (or at least solid reasons why they stopped) is the key. If you enjoyed it and see nothing wrong with it then why you should stop? If having a threesome with horse-sized chads was so stimulating and exciting, why are you rejecting it for monogamy with average Joe? Many people can't make themselves stop doing such a seemingly easy thing as eating excessive amounts of sugar, and I don't see why the same logic don't apply here. I understand trying something once or twice and deciding it's not your thing. But if it's entire "hoe phase", it's rarely just a phase. It's a preference. If you can't "mature" out of liking carbs, you definitely can't "mature" out of other preferences.

If I was looking for a partner, I would like to see at least a semblance of guarantee she's not going to cheat on me in a blink or dump me the very moment she feels slightly bored. And admissions like "I enjoyed meaningless sex with multiple men very much and still see nothing wrong with it" is practically saying "I would do it again" which is exactly the opposite.

Liberal_On_Guns · 2021-10-08T00:55:46+00:00

The counter argument from women is that these sexual partners lie in the past and that they made a character development.

Well they do often make a sincere character development. However, whether or not they sincerely regret their past would be of little relevance when it comes to settling down with her. If she has a high N-count, she's getting nexted regardless of her level of regret. She's DANGER ZONE.

The same unfortunately doesn't go for men. I don't make the rules and its not my opinion.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2021-10-08T01:40:40+00:00

The only people who care about this are the incels.

Women don’t give a shit and neither do the men they end up with

2021-10-07T23:21:15+00:00

I have only had one sexual partner, so obviously he knows my entire history. Likewise, he's told me about his own which involved mostly women and a couple boys (teenage experimentation).

Not gonna lie, at first I had feelings of jealousy, most of it centered around the fact he was able have sex much easier than myself and at an earlier age. But within a year I was over it...took some reflection and acceptance. It cannot be denied that my FWB's personality and maturity is a result of his life experiences, just as mine are. And since I like the personality he has now, I am actually grateful in a way for his previous sex partners.

Yeah, I missed out on some of his "firsts", but we've done others together. Accepting him as he is now means necessarily accepting what experiences made him the man he is today.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-10-08T03:59:56+00:00

There’s nothing shameful about sex. I’ve been in a relationship with a man who was a slut before me. Never had a worry in the world and he gave me no reason to worry. If he wanted to fuck around, he would still be doing that because he has options. But he chose to be with me

People who make confident decisions in their life are in control of their life. If you lack self discipline you pretty much see everything as a drug, if you don’t have experience with sex you will see sex as a drug.

Stop fearing sex. It’s silly. There is no guarantee your partner will not cheat on you. All that counts is that they don’t. If they do, drop them and move on. All it does is hurt your feelings. Heal and you’ll be fine

It’s not the end of the world. Seriously

Blackagar59 · 2021-10-08T11:30:03+00:00

It's not regret, but envy.

Men who are jelous of their gf having so much sex in the past is because they haven't had almost any.

quabbicoo · 2021-10-07T23:57:53+00:00

I’ve never told anyone I’ve ever dated my n-count and I’ve never asked. I don’t think I would benefit in any way from knowing the number of women my husband has slept with and I certainly don’t WANT him to regret his sexual past. I don’t regret mine and it has no bearing on my character development or ability to be happy, fulfilled, and loyal.

We learned from our pasts and our former mistakes so we can be better partners today.

Boondoggie7777 · 2021-10-08T01:27:13+00:00

There's a certain time period after a woman is basically innocent/wholesome again, no matter how many people she's been with in the past.

I'd say it's roughly about 5 years.

Not that everything is forgotten, but they are essentially a different person.

mr_pro_con · 2021-10-07T23:58:43+00:00

It's another thing weakening the bonds of a relationship. On top of no longer needing each other, the one thing that's supposed to be exclusive to a relationship is old hat.

Whats so special about the 5th guy you orgasmed with dozens of times? How does it uniquely bond you with someone when you've done it with so many other people?

NockerJoe · 2021-10-07T23:02:29+00:00

I mean I KINDA get you but at the same time a lot of women will spill their regrets in dating without realizing that regrets can also be a turnoff. No dude wants to hear his date bitch about a shitty ex or some sex they didn't really want, but I've been the dude in that situation and it didn't really motivate me.

If a woman posted pics on OnlyFans or got freaky with an ex quicker than she otherwise would I don't think the sticking point is "Does she regret it or not". I think the sticking point is how she treats you. If she has no problem sending you saucy pics or treating you with actual affection or acts engaged then I don't think a lot of men would really have a problem.

To me the implicit issue is that she does regret it, walls herself off during the relationship emotionally, and the result kind of damages the relationship as a whole.

2021-10-08T04:19:02+00:00

There's no point in dwelling on bad decisions. But why exactly was it bad that they slept with attractive men? If your deal breaker is no slut history then assert that early while dating and break it off immediately. What I see more often is guys that've been with a woman for 3 years letting that resentment fester, then you just become an asshole for acting like you accepted her all this time and being nasty out of nowhere. If it bothers you then leave and stop complaining "slut took muh resources, only virgin deserves!" Women don't want you hiding your resentment anyways, we'd rather stop taking your resources and leave your disrespect, at least I would

Doyle_Trekka · 2021-10-08T12:03:07+00:00

Most men are just jelly cause its sound so great and its impossible for us.

Like i kind of resent women for doing it, but i would probably do it myself if it was so easy. Then again maybe not since i know how the guys just does it for their urges.

And i know how easy it is for girls. Sure he might ditch you last minute, but then you can just text the next guy and he will be down and desperate.

taapy234 · 2021-10-08T04:04:59+00:00

Bro there is no such thing as "regret" unless they were victims of forcible rape or something.

Stop infantilizing women. They KNOW what they did in the past and what they are doing right now.

Women blatantly use the society's expectations to have plausible deniability. Its a tactic they have perfected to get the best of the both worlds.

Owning up to your ho phase is hard. But pretending you regret is just a way to run honey over the oblivious beta guy.

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Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-10-08T04:09:07+00:00

My husband now is way better looking, and more resourceful than my first husband . Evidently I must of landed a wild card life , I regret getting married at 17. 😂 Looks, then character always has been my philosophy. After dealing with a lame ass trick pony . No more he's so nice first ,then looks . Nope .... Lol However I've not needed a man financially for years now . Mean if doing the marriage thing again , I was going to do it my way ,and it was going to be with somebody I was sexually attracted too ,not because he's financially stable or nice ... No settling . Worked out well .

Accurate-External · 2021-10-08T12:55:02+00:00

What? Why would you want someone to regret their past experiences or why would you want to be with someone who wants you to regret yours? If you’re an adult you just find the person you want to be with. The past happened and you don’t let it interfere with your present relationship but you shouldn’t necessarily regret it. I’ve done a lot of wild shit in the past. I’ll save those stories and memories for myself and drinking buddies but won’t let it interfere with future relationships and definitely won’t regret it.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-10-08T18:50:19+00:00

This is the opposite of what i believe. I think regretting the experiences indicates a lack of self control, self awareness, not realizing what they want out of a relationship or hookup, etc.

If a woman likes sex and goes wild with it then all the more props to her

hi_and_fuck_you · 2021-10-08T21:56:34+00:00

Regret is irrelevant. Most people don't want to date someone that took 20 years of their life to grow up. It's like wanting to date a former crack addict. I think I'll take the non crack addicts thank you very much.

velvetunderground111 · 2021-10-08T08:41:55+00:00

The problem with this stuff (and I say this as an aged out former pretty boy, so I am glad women operate like this, not bitter) is that men aren't really attracted to character development. The women probably did "grow" in terms of who they picked for mates, but they are now 29, 34 years old, etc. What guys want (youth and fertility, so 18-24ish) is given away during their more primitive period, when they hadn't grown as much as people. The guys who got this anger the men who got settled for later in life.

That's my take, at least. Men don't really care about personal growth and development in women, they care about looks and youth. Until I was around 30, I always preferred to date younger women who were NOT all that mature and hadn't grown much. Figured they could grow with me instead. Women might (maybe?) value character growth and development, but most honest men don't. We want a fertility and youth: it's hardwired into us.

Title	Talking about character development and how it is totally fine to have had multiple sexual partners and wild sex in the past... Regret is the keyword
Author	lostwanderer28
Upvotes	20
Comments	325
Date	October 7, 2021 10:52 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/q3kqn6/talking_about_character_development_and_how_it_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/talking-about-character-development-and-how-it-is.1076814 https://theredarchive.com/post/1076814

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