Weekly FDS Check-In

SkiesEclipse · 2021-10-05T14:22:51+00:00

I was a bit too embarrassed to make a post about it, but I successfully used a little bit of FDS vetting in the wild. An insanely good looking guy asked me out the other day, way better looking than the guys I usually pull. He was vegan too, and it’s so freaking hard to find vegan men. But I found out he was 10 years older than me, and “didn’t want to settle down yet.” I’m not gonna lie, it was really hard to turn him down, but I’m so glad I did. The scarcity mindset creeps in sometimes, but I fought it.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-10-05T12:54:10+00:00

The change of the seasons is hitting me hard this year. I love autumn but I have no energy, ugh. I just want to hibernate under a blanket forever. 😫

starlight_sequence · 2021-10-05T16:21:27+00:00

I’ve been super happy with my boyfriend of 5.5 months, but he recently mentioned that he thinks relationships should be financially equitable, as in everything should be split by income. Our status quo so far has been that he typically pays, and occasionally I offer. That’s been how all of my previous relationships have been as well.

He’s really wonderful in a lot of ways, but this is a standard that I have for my relationships that I’m not willing to negotiate. He did say he “wasn’t necessarily asking for anything to change” but it sounds like he wants to discuss it again.

I might have a difficult decision in my future.

EDIT: I felt very petty and decided to check my calendar and estimate the breakdown of my spending on him vs. his spending on me. I currently pay for him when I feel inspired to do so. It comes down to about 27% of our expenses. So, its already in the equitable by income range, and when you consider that I drive to his place more frequently and the general expense of being a woman, I’m probably being too generous as it is.

warinmymind94 · 2021-10-05T14:53:05+00:00

Joe rogan fans are instantly block and delete territory right? Guy mentioned the name to me and it rang a bell. Can someone explain to me is this rogan dude a red piller spreading that ideology?

Also went to my cousins wedding. It was beautiful until the pastor literally started saying on the altar how a wife's job is to lift up and comfort her husband, be submissive to him, and serve him, she is supposed to fill in his broken pieces. The pastor then spoke how the husband's role was to lead the wife, make the decisions, and have all the authority. Then he was trying to use religion as a "reason" for the blatant msyogyny. It made me feel sick.

Was also talking to another dude and I mentioned that my halloween costume came in. Immediately he was asking what it was and then started asking me for photos. Which then turned into him actually begging me for pics... when he knew I had just flew in, had little sleep, and just gotten home. I'm disgusted they are that depraved they think of us like objects just for their own, on demand, viewing pleasure. Of course he got blocked. Before that he seemed nice and looked good on paper so I was genuinely interested in learning more.

Ever since following fds better I noticed they tend to let the mask slip VERY quickly and often the trash takes itself out. Thankfully, I am saving a lot of wasted time.

Peak_Tree · 2021-10-05T22:23:39+00:00

I read an article that said that one of the selling points of the talliban in Afghanistan is that many men were mad about the women having rights...so when you think about incels and the like never understimate them.

XNjunEar · 2021-10-05T11:36:07+00:00

Hello!

I was wondering why "Men who Hate Women & the Women who Love Them, by Joan Torres and Susan Forward", (disclaimer: which I read in the 90's) is not in our book list.

Skanktuary · 2021-10-05T19:22:11+00:00

I just heard from my lawyer and my NV future ex-husband wants me to literally stand next to him while we sign the dissolution papers that he has dragged his feet for 4 AND A HALF YEARS OVER.

NO.

This is just another control tactic. He just wants to see me feel uncomfortable and breathe down my neck while I make my new start. He wants to trigger my anxiety and make me as miserable as possible. He would love nothing more than to make me cry, one last time.

Go to the office and sign them by yourself, asshole. Or take your fiance. That would be a fun activity for you two.

Fuck off and leave me alone. Forever.

Loud_Foundation_9300 · 2021-10-06T00:58:00+00:00

Can I just vent for a second? Found out my ex-fiancé of 7 years is engaged yet again, to a recently turned 21 year old who he’s been with for 2 years. And started dating only 1 year after our failed engagement. Me over here feeling like a clown 🤡 for wasting my 20s preparing him for his new wife. He better not treat her like shit too.

If only I had known about FDS (or at least wasn’t such a pickme) back then, coulda saved me a lot of shit.

On that note - big thanks to the community for slapping the naivety out of me, as well as helping me get through some rough patches of self doubt and pity. Y’all some real ones.

peanut-butter-vibes · 2021-10-06T03:38:32+00:00

i needed to share this with my sisters here. my ex who i’ve been NC with for a month just texted me asking to have sex bc he’s having “withdrawals”.

the audacity. the disrespect. the void of empathy. i can’t believe i ever loved this person.

i’m feeling sad though. this is not the first time an ex has come back trying to elicit NSA sex. my dating narrative of men being assholes continues to form. i know damn well i deserve better than being treated as a loser’s free prostitute. why are they like this? 😞

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2021-10-06T02:27:35+00:00

I shared this on response to another post, but thought I’d share more here for others.

I really can’t believe I’m dealing with this right now. It’s embarrassing to say it here, as it shows me again what I already know about males ugh.

Ive had to say BYE to the 2 most recent scrotes (we are in our late 40’s, attractive, professional people).

Because BOTH scrotes demanded I shave my p*//$. totally bald.

One basically threw a straight ultimatum at me - shave my entire__ bald or break up. For real.

I told them both same thing: he’s a pedophile, and I will gladly take my gorgeous, glorious and hairy pussy far the fuck away from him. Boy bye. Blocked.

Note( and it don’t matter): I do shave, for myself, maybe an aggressive-ish bikini if that. I hardly have hair to begin with there not that it matters as it’s MINE).

Both scrotes hairy af and I don’t mind (one very tidy, but I never asked for any shaving etc and other one was NOT always remotely tidy, and wasn’t clean enough for me).

Just can’t believe this bullshit.

ironglaciers · 2021-10-06T01:51:20+00:00

I don't trust people.

Aloe_You_Vera_Much · 2021-10-05T20:39:53+00:00

I had my first true experience of why FDS is important!! At the beginning of the year I got out of a six year relationship, and right after I did some not very FDS approved things, but I am glad I have some context now and those experiences so I better know what I want.

Well recently I went on four dates with a guy, and while I implemented many FDS principles, I didn’t implement all of them. Well, I started to count up the red flags (ya I didn’t drop at the first one, one of the FDS principles I didn’t implement) and guess what! It all lead up to him acting disrespectfully. I finally dropped him and I’m really glad I had that experience because it was the perfect low stakes teaching moment and now I’m a little bit better at standing up for myself!

SupermarketObvious92 · 2021-10-06T15:27:30+00:00

I’m a bit disheartened. Now I’ve spent some time on here, on other feminist subs and with the podcast, I’m starting to see how misogyny permeates everything in our culture. It’s in songs, it’s in family life, it’s in everyday discourse, it’s on TV, it’s in academia, it’s in women themselves. Women hate themselves and other women for being women. And it’s absolutely absolutely everywhere. It’s even in me, too! And I’m still trying to untangle what was programmed in me by patriarchy, and what is me.

In societies where women and men have equal power, there is no domestic violence. I read this in Lundy Bancroft’s book. Rural isolated societies where western media is introduced, see an uptick in violence against women. Boris Johnson doesn’t want to make misogyny a hate crime because it would take the police too much time to deal with it. Point in case why they should.

There is so much of it, and when I open my mouth I find myself increasinlgly talking about these things too. And I’m afraid I’m scaring away friends who are not aware.

It’s like we’ve discovered the fucking matrix. Patriarchy is the matrix and let me tell you, it’s lonely outside of it. Part of me wants to go back. But this is too important. For women AND for men, even if they think they won’t like it.

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-10-05T13:07:37+00:00

I'm starting to think I either date extremely handsome men or I have a skewed idealism of attractive men. Today I was on the dating sub and a guy posted his picture and I say oh he is a 5/6 at most. And everyone is like OMG you are so handsome. And I'm like have you guys never seen a handsome black man before because he really isn't that good looking. I think to myself (insert my name here) you have some high ass standards.

NotYourCirce · 2021-10-05T18:38:02+00:00

I was reflecting on a man who was interested in me a few years ago. He told me very soon after I met him how much money he makes. I was surprised he volunteered that info especially since I didn’t ask for it. It was a good amount of money for someone in their 20s but still under 100k, so not a lot. He was trying to brag, but it felt icky. Is it just me or is this a red flag?

BrightIdeaGenerator · 2021-10-05T18:06:12+00:00

Hey has anyone read Unwell Women: Misdianogses and Myth in a Man-Made World? It looks really good but I'm on a budget and I can spend all my money on books if I'm not careful.

ironglaciers · 2021-10-05T18:05:34+00:00

I am vowing not to engage people on Instagram who do not first engage with me (i.e. I keep trying trying to win their attention and approval and they don't deserve it). Also doing this in real life, because I am tired of it. In fact most people I engage with on IG are people I know in real life and honestly that's worse.

fogplum · 2021-10-06T03:51:44+00:00

Went on an unpleasant first date today (from OLD). Won't be seeing him again. I have a first date with another guy lined up this weekend - if that disappoints, I'm deleting the app.

PixiesGem · 2021-10-06T11:32:35+00:00

I am really frustrated today.

Almost 2 years ago my lvm of 16 years left me for another woman. He lied and said he left me because of me, but moved 2 hours from his job and an hour from his kids to move into her home so.... sure.

Anyway his family was my family for 16 years. NOT ONE of them reached out to me or expressed anything at all over our breakup. His sister and I were pretty close. I was in her wedding. She stayed on my fb contacts and I hoped she would eventually reach out to me, expressing something at least... Nope. Last night I noticed she blocked me.

Although I am over this horrible man, I am having a hard time with the fact that his entire family pretended they loved me and they couldn't even be bothered to tell me they were sorry or to say goodbye.

plomerst · 2021-10-05T20:31:03+00:00

Just got off the phone with my cousin who is getting married. She gave terrible advice!

Discussed former male friend that she thinks I should date. He is super LV and toxic and she said “people can change” bc her fiance did.
Tried to set me up with a guy, I wasn’t interested because men don’t need scouts. She sent a pic and I still wasn’t interested and she said looks don’t matter bc her fiancé is balding.
Said her sister is the breadwinner in her family and still cares for the kids, but that she’s happy because she has been able to mold her husband into what she wants.
Said she wants me to be happy, implying I need a man to do so.

Just major yikes :(

SpiteTomatoes · 2021-10-06T02:11:37+00:00

I need advice on moving past this... So a couple years ago I broke up with my ex fiance after he cheated bc he was a porn addicted loser. After the very not amicable breakup, I told him when he tried to make polite conversation with me months later through text "Do not contact me unless you find something else of mine." And that was that. Until a couple weeks ago. He tries to add me on my new snapchat🙄 Cue the old block and delete. But I did end up snooping to see if he was still in a relationship. And he is!!!! And it makes me even more mad. Cause why the fuck are you reaching out to your ex when you are with this new girl? I'm just fucking angry and I know I should not let him have that power over my emotions. Just leave me tf alone.

Livia_Drusila · 2021-10-06T16:25:47+00:00

I was thinking that we could do some sort of glossary for different strokes of scrote.

Photoscrote - The "boudoir erotic photographer" who gets inspired by the female form and ends up manipulating you to pose for nudes that he'll paster all over the internet. He also won't pay you, you'd have to pay him, in any case!

Dogscrote - The guy who won't shut up about his lovely dog, who he uses for every single one of his profile pics on OLD. Then you find out that he abuses the poor creature, and he also uses it to triangulate with you.

Guitarscrote - The one who plays guitar for a living in subway stations all over the world, currently inhabits an abandoned building in Ecuador or something. He's a vegan and a feminist and believes that you should totally be down for a blowjob in the street after he's played you his entire repertory (yawn).

Domscrote - Proclaims to be a "professional dom" but he's just a balding mommy's boy with a little dick who uses BDSM as a form of abuse without repercussions.

Progscrote - This one is very active in politics, calls himself a communist, and supports BLM and every possible cause in the leftist agenda. He also supports prostitution and pornography, which is coincidentally a very racist and classist industry, but oh well... He uses his leftist politics to get pussy, basically. Also wants to manlecture you on Das Kapital because women are too stupid to read books lol.

Drugscrote - This one is addicted to either weed, meth, coke, LSD or mushrooms, or all of them at the same time. Claims they help him with anxiety and PTSD, which you are most likely to get after calling the ambulance for the fifth time after he nearly OD's. Expects you to be his mommy bangmaid and caretaker.

Polyscrote - Self-explanatory. He doesn't believe in monogamy and forces you to participate in threesomes and orgies.

These are just a few that I came up with, but feel free to add!

SupermarketObvious92 · 2021-10-05T21:21:49+00:00

Today I randomly realized that an ex from years ago had a lot in common with my recent ex. But he wasn’t as abusive. I think I know why now: he didn’t have shitty friends who bleated misogynistic shit into his ears. He actually didn’t have friends at all. 😅

gingerandlime · 2021-10-06T15:52:47+00:00

I’m really struggling right now to manage myself on my dating journey. It feels like since meeting and being turned down by someone who showed some effort earlier this year, everyone who’s shown interest since has been like… worse than anyone I’ve ever entertained in the past. Not even worth going on a date with.

I’m afraid of slipping into old pickme mindset patterns. I can’t seem to move past wishing this one guy had wanted to keep seeing me, even though intellectually, I know I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me… but that’s hard to remember when the “options” that seem to be in front of me are nothing but people who drain my energy and would be completely negative to my life.

Does anyone have strategies for getting back in touch with yourself and your priorities when you feel yourself slipping?

ApprehensiveGiftBox · 2021-10-06T15:56:40+00:00

Is there a recording of the FDS segment of the Gail Dines conference? I wasn't able to attend but I want to listen and I haven't seen it posted here yet. Thanks!

thedutchqueen · 2021-10-05T16:11:23+00:00

my best guy friend grabbed my phone out of my hand because i wanted to show him a picture on instagram that he didn’t want to see.

he said i stepped out of line and i needed to stand in line. i tried to get my phone back for about 10 seconds before he gave it back.

he also said if i’m not willing to let a successful guy fuck other women and come back home to me then i deserve to stay single forever.

he also said that hitting his girl was one of the best things he could do for her.

i’m disgusted.

fogplum · 2021-10-08T01:23:16+00:00

lightcobaltblue · 2021-10-08T15:11:36+00:00

Today I was at a gynecologist appointment and was pleasantly surprised how well she treated me, very patient, friendly and not rushed at all. It was the first gynecologist where I felt good in 5 years. Overall a good day. I just wish I had someone to share this with. I'm sharing it here for now.

mxmoon · 2021-10-06T13:24:03+00:00

Ok so I’ve been dating someone for about 5 months. We live different lives and I’m struggling with that. I have children and coparent with my ex. He has no kids. He’s pretty tame, but is very social. For example. On a weeknight I go to bed after bedtime and he’ll hang out with his downstairs neighbors and smoke weed until late at night. Sometimes his neighbors have friends over. He lives in a big city in a trendy apartment. When we talk he says that he would never hangout alone with a woman out of respect for me and because he thinks it’s inappropriate. But I can’t help but worry a bit.

Even if I didn’t have my kids I would not want to hangout with my neighbors late into the night on a weeknight. It’s giving me pause.

DarbyGirl · 2021-10-08T12:28:37+00:00

3 weeks to go until I move into my new house :)

I finally got up the courage this week to tell my LVex that I found "a place". I never know which version of him I'll get for anything so I was worried about having a rough couple weeks. That may still be the case, but he went into "helping" mode. Which I'm leery about tbh, but at the same time....I may as well take whatever he's offering while I can - he's may not be in a great mood that day but if he commits to doing something that he can brag about doing to other people later to make him look good....he'll do it.

So he's going to help move and setup and take care of a number of issues around the house (chiminey needs new mortar above the roofline, I need the sump pump to actually pump water outside the house and not into the waste plumbing, a sad pine tree needs to come down, the electrical doesn't work in two rooms...). My brother and I were planning on doing a lot of this ourselves, so that frees him up to work on some other projects (install exhaust fan in bathroom and replace range exhaust and actually vent both outside).

Fingers crossed the next three weeks aren't too rough.

2021-10-09T21:03:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ello-motto · 2021-10-10T08:09:31+00:00

Is there a reason why FemaleLevelUpStrategy is down?

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-10-09T18:11:56+00:00

I brought up racial bias on 2X sub today and last week, both times mods deleted my post. I am going to say it 2X is white-lib feminist b.s they don't want to here about ideals or outlooks from WOC. They want out support but they want us to be silent while supporting. It is not a safe space for any woman but white women, and I meant what I said and I said what I meant.

Title	Weekly FDS Check-In
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	44
Comments	114
Date	October 5, 2021 11:19 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/q1uba0/weekly_fds_checkin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-check-in.1077275 https://theredarchive.com/post/1077275

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