A List of Lovebombs

dating-adventures · 2021-10-18T22:10:39+00:00

“Hey beautiful” early on
Introducing you to his parents early on
Becoming official on the third date
Talking about marriage within months 1-3
Saying “I love you” when you’ve only spent a month or two together

Ask me why I know this 😓

jingks_ · 2021-10-18T22:24:05+00:00

“This is how many children I want to have, their names, and their precise age differences.”

“I feel like I can be so open with you, like I can just tell you every detail of my trauma…” (proceeds to)

“Here’s a [song | book | movie] from my childhood that’s really special to me. I’ve never shared it with anyone before but I know you’ll get it.”

“Today I talked to my therapist about you. I told them how amazing you are and how much of a connection we have…”

“I was in such a dark place before but then you came into my life. I’m really starting to feel hopeful again.”

jingks_ · 2021-10-18T22:46:27+00:00

Commented earlier but I also wanted to add:

The reason women are susceptible to lovebombing, and the reason men frequently use it as a strategy, is because of course we want to feel special to someone, and of course we want to feel like we came in and made a profound difference in someone’s life. We want to be seen as incredible and irresistible, the kind of person you could fall in love with instantly.

(Thanks Disney movies and society and the patriarchy and capitalism and daddy issues and everything else for making us vulnerable to this.)

Lovebombing is extra crushing because when a guy is done with you and inevitably walks out, our self-esteem is crushed: “I guess I never actually was beautiful or amazing, it was all complete bullshit. I must be worth nothing to anyone then.” Girl, been there done that.

You are beautiful and radiant and intelligent and amazing. But no HVM is going to stomp all over healthy boundaries to get to you. They are going to take a SIGNIFICANT amount of time to see your personality in different situations, to allow a relationship to develop in a non-forced way.

Why?

Because they care about sustainability. They understand healthy relationship dynamics and they’re not in it for the short-term. They actually care about your feelings down the line and want to genuinely earn your trust.

A NVM who’s lovebombing knows your self-worth will get crushed but doesn’t give two shits — he wants short-term gratification and when it gets too messy he’ll just move on. It’s sick.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-10-18T22:58:05+00:00

Yes, "Future Faking" its a cheap way to reap the rewards and payoffs for things that haven't even come into fruition yet. Planning things in the future is essential, but don't start having feelings for guy over something hes "planning on doing" and also Faking a Future of like years down the line when you are still "getting to know you " phase like children is manipulative AF. ESPECIALLY if he leans into suggesting he wants children and assumes you (being female) are going to gush at this. Ive known plenty of narcs that do this (i can think of 5 off top of my head with different friends i know) If you do want children one day this tactic will be particularly difficult to thwart. Remember if you want to bare children, the man who is allowed to provide the seed should be grovelling at the opportunity. Do not let a man EVER carrot dangle having Children to YOU. You are the Woman!

Platipus6 · 2021-10-19T00:06:43+00:00

Mate-guarding tactics early on. Request/demand for exclusivity. "I hope you're not seeing any other men, I'd like us (you) to delete your dating profiles". He doesn't want to compete and be your best option, he wants to eliminate the competition and your free will.

Men with a lot of "going to" and "plan to" and "about to" in their profiles. I call them Gunners. They're gunner do this and that, but every weekend they sit on the couch doing nothing. But their profile is nice and full and looks exciting. Like he's a man with ambition and plans.

"I plan to start my own business, I'm about to learn horse-riding, I'm going to get into archery and pottery, I'll be hiking when the weather warms up". It's all bullshit and they're dropping bait for someone who's into men who actually do it / and they want someone to be their tourguide/motivation/planner so they can tag along with no effort.

esvle · 2021-10-18T22:14:35+00:00

Immediately begins hinting about what gift he will get you for your birthday or other occasion; although he has no idea if you'll even agree to go on another date with him.

lolmemberberries · 2021-10-19T00:27:39+00:00

-Pushes for a commitment quickly

-Compares you to his ex (even if he's saying you're better than her, it's not a compliment -- he is triangulating you with her)

-He seems to like everything you like and/or appears to be trying to tell you what he thinks you want to hear (this is called mirroring - narcissistic people use this when love bombing).

-Tells his family about you very quickly and/or pushes you to meet them after only a few dates. Even more of a red flag if he doesn't live with his parents.

-His past relationship history indicates that he is rarely single. This is someone who uses relationships as a distraction from working on themselves.

-If he describes how his last relationship ends, what he says only describes what he believes his ex was doing wrong and that he was the victim.

-Wants to be in constant contact with you or see you all the time.

pinkcorolla · 2021-10-18T22:44:23+00:00

•When you throw back the question “what do you look for?” and they respond in a way that implies you e.g describes your physical appearance, “you” 🤢. 🚩

r4nd0m-u53r · 2021-10-18T22:52:05+00:00

Throw in, wants to spend a lot of time with you / see you constantly

Buys you expensive gifts very quickly

zorua · 2021-10-18T23:44:55+00:00

I've had a guy immediately say "marry me and dont talk to any other man" because I said I liked dungeons and dragons. Thats a no from me buddy.

xfelugirlx · 2021-10-19T01:33:15+00:00

. Introducing his mother early on

. Says he talk about u to his friends or mother

. Says i love u in the first date

. Idealize everything about u and you are perfect phase

. Talks bad about their exs they used to idealize (red flag)

. Tells you about his trauma or personal stuff

.”All my exs were bad but you are so different and special” narcissist alert🥱

donttextme_k · 2021-10-19T00:51:30+00:00

Anyone that uses the phrase “you’re the one”

vbych76 · 2021-10-19T03:29:30+00:00

-"Bombarding" you with texts and calls * I recently made a rule for myself that I am not responding before 9.00am and after 9.00 pm and also muted notifications on some of the instant messaging apps I use

unexpected visits to your work place or home, sometimes under the pretences of bringing you flowers or some gift, so you can't kick him out immediately out of politeness( he is sneaking to find out who you interact with too)
demanding weekend getaways early on
ofc the evergreen " do you want children/how many children do you want " on first/second date to test the waters
for those that have children: sending gifts to your child, buying tickets for events to meet them, even if you haven't decided yet, that this person will be a part of your life long term

It stems from pushing boundaries, how fast and hard he can push yours in order to achieve his goal

Lylaeth · 2021-10-19T00:54:56+00:00

Saying your name sounds good with their last name

PenneyPence · 2021-10-19T10:54:57+00:00

Future faking with a side of triangulation: “I used to buy my ex flowers all the time and she never appreciated them like you do. I can’t wait to buy them for you every week.” Or

“I can’t wait to take you on xyz vacation, I would pay for my ex to go and she would pout the whole time, I know you’ll have fun.”

I only got flowers a few times and we never took that alleged paid vacation. 🙄

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-10-19T04:16:58+00:00

Too many texts every day Saying I love you wayy too soon

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-10-19T06:34:44+00:00

He is super quirky, whatever that means. He does whatever makes you feel like you're the main character of some indie movie.

katiekat0214 · 2021-10-18T22:21:29+00:00

Talking about coming to visit, or you visiting him, which also implies/insinuates being alone with him. No thanks to rape and murder. No thanks to any male stranger knowing the town I live in, much less my address. I'm a long-time chatter; I know how to answer questions without giving away ANY identifying information.

Easy, early vetting strategy: just slow things down. Make him wait. Don't do too much, if anything, for him. Keep it at chat for a month or more. Watch if the chat develops, and see if you have ACTUAL conversations about substantive, important topics, that can easily transition to phone/Zoom, where you can pick up more on tone of voice and facial expressions. If he can't or won't engage in actual conversation -- and I fully admit, I'm a texter/typer, and don't mind talking on the phone if I really get on with someone -- he's not the one.

InjuryOnly4775 · 2021-10-19T05:48:37+00:00

Told me he loved me on our first phone chat 😳😬 ‘Good morning beautiful” text daily, sent waaaay before he knows I normally get up, Every. Single. Day. ‘Bumping’ into Mom on the first date. Barrage of questions: what’s your favourite dessert, colour, flower etc. Storing up those ideas for make up gifts I expect! 😤🤣

Suspicious_Bad_5178 · 2021-10-19T11:56:34+00:00

The big plans part is what really makes me angry - to this day I have difficulty trusting when people say they have plans with me and they actually go through with it. I always think it's some kind of future faking and lovebombing :/ (working on that on therapy!)

SpiritualPlan5 · 2021-10-19T11:55:01+00:00

The most recent scrote I dealt with kinda love bombed me with lots of messages about how much he wants to hook up with me, lots of messages all day, then nothing. And I almost kind of fell for it when I realized he hadn’t texted me in a couple days. My dumb ass reached out and then after a couple msgs back and forth I got a neg. Lol lolol I didn’t pretend it wasn’t rude, he apologized the next day, but it was too late. I saw his game & I am not playing.

SpiritualPlan5 · 2021-10-19T12:08:50+00:00

Also, the triangulation comes EARLY. A girl I went to school with had a baby with a mutual friend I hadn’t seen in 20 years so when I ran into him he had drinks and caught up. They were not together, hadn’t been together other than hooking up, according to him, her, and other mutual friends. But I didn’t want him. I banged him twice because I was horny and bored but I didn’t want to date him. He must have thought I rejected the relationship because of “friend loyalty” to his baby momma because why wouldn’t I want to date the dumbest man I had a conversation with in my life, right? So he proceeded to triangulate us so badly we didn’t talk and become friendly again until this year, 10 years later.

FDS_elderGoth · 2021-10-19T16:20:33+00:00

Here are the lovebombs that worked on me:

"I want to be a better person for you."

"You're so [insert X quality you like about yourself]. I wish I was more like you."

The flattery made me want to help him, and the positioning of himself as wanting to be better but not quite there yet gave him a get-out-of-jail-free card when he acted like an asshole. If he did something shitty it was because he wasn't as [X quality] as I was yet, and I wasn't supposed to get mad at him, I was supposed to invest yet more emotional labor into fixing him.

2021-10-19T11:33:43+00:00

Omg ugh.

Last, younger, dude I very briefly dated was a happy, lots of stuff going for him-type of guy, so it took me until after I called it quits a few weeks in to realize he was trying to use these tactics on me. I still don't understand why he thought he had to though lmao. They made me more turned off than on and I wasn't hiding the fact.

fogplum · 2021-10-19T00:05:39+00:00

ComedyCaviar · 2021-10-19T08:36:54+00:00

OMG- All of them!!!

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-10-19T16:36:04+00:00

All of these things give me the ick, thank God 😂😂

fairywakes · 2022-01-08T07:22:17+00:00

"I'll make you love me...soon, it'll just take some time." BIG ONE.

Introducing you to mommy way too early. "Mom says she sees us for the long haul..." but you've only met her 3 times.
Talking about children on the first date, bragging about their salary on the first date.
Talking anything about marriage/I love you's <2 months from commitment, anything about giving you their last name.
Introducing you to their friends and warning that they're going to "grill you" about what you want with him, to test if you're actually "the one" for him. (More pressure to speed up a relationship).
Mentioning removing dating apps or trying to lessen other men you are seeing early on (<2 months).
Speaking poorly about their exes and making themselves seem like a victim - ideally to stir some sympathy from you as they know women tend to be nurturing. It's a trap.
Telling you very early on in detail about their 'trauma' with women - again this is emotional trapping but can also be projection. It is very telling about what they will do to YOU.
Constant texting all day long. This should turn you off after a while, as it becomes needy. It's a strategy to hook you and use texting as manipulation in the future. Watch closely for attitude or pouting when you don't text back quickly enough. Calling you way too much. 3+ hour-long phone calls but they are the ones monologing for the hours? NARCISSIST ALERT.
Speaking of social media: pinging you on every f*cking app all day long throughout the day. Does he really need to message you on IG, Snapchat, Facebook, and regular SMS at the same time? Look out for strange things like whining about keeping a "snap score" (You're almost 30, dude, other things matter.) The FDS queens also warn about grown-ass men having Snapchat PERIOD.
Social media usage: Is he posting you up like you've been dating for months when it's only your 2nd date? Asking you to do the same because he wants to 'show you off' and wants you to 'show him off'? Narcissism again! Some women complain about never being shown at all, another problem, but too soon is also a type of love-bombing to establish a relationship too early.

Edited for format.

Title	A List of Lovebombs
Author	edwardianemerald
Upvotes	657
Comments	77
Date	October 18, 2021 8:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qavcv5/a_list_of_lovebombs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/a-list-of-lovebombs.1078771 https://theredarchive.com/post/1078771

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