HVM tried to give sound advice to a young single mother in distress and got so much hate from Reddit

BasieSkanks · 2021-10-15T17:32:20+00:00

Post locked. OP, please add an insightful comment and it will be re-approved.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-10-15T13:59:37+00:00

If it was so great for her why was she found crying on the couch in the morning?

Anyway some young woman doesn't need to be dicked around by this male town bicycle. Dad is right.

Waste-Win · 2021-10-15T15:03:29+00:00

So this poor soul is trying to give solid advice to a young woman about a man that has zero desire in commitment and reddit gets angry, typical.

Japanese_Lasagna · 2021-10-15T13:56:37+00:00

Sounds like he gave her solid advice.

Educational_Pool_635 · 2021-10-15T13:53:21+00:00

Look at all the pickmes and scrotes mad that someone is telling the woman that the guy she is sleeping with ain't shit. Honestly, he didn't say anything wrong. He didn't say don't have sex, he just said that she should prioritize her career and child before some loser. How is that wrong?

Chicahua · 2021-10-15T15:22:01+00:00

Y’all she was CRYING, clearly in distress, and those people do not give a damn. A woman’s well-being is irrelevant, what’s important is if a man is sexually satisfied.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-10-15T14:46:48+00:00

OP knows his step son is a scrote. Seems like the woman who was crying on the couch didn’t. But libfems think its anti-feminist to throw a woman a hint that what ever promises OP’s stepson made to get you there, arent it. That single mothers, or any woman for that matter, shouldn’t waste time on men LIKE OP’s son (ie fuckboys) OP’s son isn’t being upfront about what his intentions are. He is love bombing these women. That’s why he was able to have 20+ women over since he graduated, by 19, during a pandemic.

thewetdog_ · 2021-10-15T14:08:14+00:00

This guy sounds so nice and normal. Can’t believe he got 50 downvotes. I’m also low key touched that he’s 36 and married to a woman 5 years older - the bar is so, so low.

talltori · 2021-10-15T15:17:17+00:00

I wish in my bad experiences when the parent knew their son sucked that the parent would’ve said something to me. Instead they just watched it happen. Looking ashamed but nonetheless….

pastelitosimpatico · 2021-10-15T15:28:09+00:00

I mean... People criticizing him are all "she can have all the casual sex she wants blablabla" Did they not read the part where he found her CRYING?

Man, those comments suck.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-10-15T14:17:15+00:00

What the actual fuck. Now I understand what they mean when they say common sense isn’t so common. The advice there is complete trash.

nolongerhume · 2021-10-15T14:55:12+00:00

HVM can identify scrotes just like the rest of us. Dad knows whats up and he can also empathize with a single mother. Instead of engaging in typical scrote behavior where men don't tell on eachother and turn a blind eye, he did the right thing and gave this woman advice that was beneficial for HER and her kid. Of course the pickmes and scrotes of reddit were unhappy with this advice.

glowmilk · 2021-10-15T15:11:05+00:00

Why are they all accusing him of shaming the woman? He literally sat down with her and listened to her talk about her situation, analysed the behaviour he’s seen from his step-son and came to the conclusion that she could and should be doing better for herself and her child. These people really want women to suffer.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-10-15T14:43:38+00:00

"Let's teach women from birth to fight each other in competition for the male gaze, teach them that their entire value derives from how they benefit men, then let them hang when they sacrifice themselves to the pursuit of men. Any man."

And if the audience is men, they clap each other on the back for the single wet dick amongst them, telling themselves that if they just uphold the bro code, the future owes them free pussy. Also, because mommy said so.

ms_monquis · 2021-10-15T15:01:49+00:00

From pic 4: "It is also her right to do it without judgment from you."
Absolutely incorrect. You DO NOT have the "right" not to be "judged." You doubly do not have the "right" not to be judged when you are crying on the sofa of strangers.
Their little shit of a son also doesn't have the "right" to have a carousel of one-nighters passing through their home. THAT's where step-dad should start.

onceuponasea · 2021-10-15T14:45:37+00:00

He made a huge mistake of going to pornsick Reddit for this

machiavella_89 · 2021-10-15T16:02:10+00:00

When my brother disappeared on his third or fourth drug binge and my family asked me to get into his Facebook account to see if there were any messages hinting as to where the fuck he was, I found a bunch of girls he had been messaging. I messaged all of them and told them he was bad news and to be careful.

I guess I wasn't actually trying to protect those girls. I was just judging them and questioning their basic human right to get an STD/assault/unwanted pregnancy from my delinquent brother. /s

He now has multiple children by multiple women, most of whom I'm sure wish they never met him. But when I or anyone else in my family tried to warn these women about him, they were offended and dismissive. It's amazing how toxic hookup glorification has become in such a short period of time. Why is it so hard to understand that the fact women have a right to do something if they choose doesn't make it a good idea to just do it all the time, with no regard for whether the person you're making yourself vulnerable with is even slightly trustworthy?

Specific-Composer300 · 2021-10-15T14:29:28+00:00

He sounds like a great man!

West-Cook · 2021-10-15T15:31:29+00:00

He didn’t even shame her! He’s just saying his stepson and men like him suck and she deserves better??

SupermarketObvious92 · 2021-10-15T14:21:50+00:00

Of course she should have all the freedom in the world to choose being miserable! Please do not muddle her with good advice! That is what LV people do best; drag everyone down to their level. They are crabs in a bucket.

AnniaT · 2021-10-15T16:04:40+00:00

The mental gymnastics of the last comment trying to defend that hook ups and casual sex are great for single mothers and their children lmao

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2021-10-15T14:39:34+00:00

None of the reply comments address the issue that the dad suspects the stepson isn't being transparent about his intentions. I would not describe it as a consentual situation if the woman has been tricked or lied to.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-10-15T14:30:56+00:00

Hope he told her in a great detail what a fucktard his step son is. We need more men like the OP.

oscine23 · 2021-10-15T16:12:01+00:00

It's amazing how so many people can be wrong about a thing. And women chiming in to admonish this poor guy. If the girl was just hooking up and enjoying a night away from her kid, she wouldn't have been on the phone crying to her mother.

Biracial_tooth_fairy · 2021-10-15T16:25:43+00:00

I'm sorry. But I don't think I could ever allow my son (if I ever have one) to treat my house like a rotating door for numerous random women. That just seems so disrespectful to me.

jinxyseb · 2021-10-15T16:15:28+00:00

I remember being around her age and feeling so lost. I didn’t know myself and certainly made lots of mistakes that benefited others. Like if she was confident in herself and she was happily into casual hookups why would she be crying on the couch? It’s obv not working for her. Good for him for speaking up.

ItsFreezen · 2021-10-15T16:20:21+00:00

The commenters are very immature, they read like children.

Gourmay · 2021-10-15T15:23:20+00:00

It seems people are coming at this from a paternalistic angle of “how dare you tell a woman how to lead her life! Moms are allowed to have fun too!” (Ironic given how Reddit complains constantly about single moms on dating apps..) at the detriment of the fact that a child is a responsibility and yes, should be prioritized (especially in the context of dating someone who clearly won’t be a good partner to her).

I was in a relationship with an abusive man, and the one thing I respected is that he prioritized his kids and was a great dad to them. At my detriment, but so what, they were little kids and needed his time much more than I do.

How is prioritizing your kids so controversial?

MysteriousLife7 · 2021-10-15T14:25:17+00:00

Especially this pickme who really took her time writing this comment to diss OP. How low did you have to go with your self esteem, and how much mental gymnastics did you have to do to write this up?

Very elaborate, very thoughtful comment that FDS will never understand! Because we are too stuck-up to understand the beauty of hookup culture /s 🤡

Sorry FDS sisters. Long scroll, yet this essay makes no fucking sense.

Others have pointed this out, but I want to reiterate: you never experienced this "hookup culture" (which is only... kind of a thing), you never experienced online dating, and you never experienced single parenthood (or since you are very concerned, single motherhood).

What life experience do you have to advise her on anything? What do you actually know? Have you actually done any readings or research into what these things are like and how they affect people? Or are you guessing from a single data point: your current wife?

This might have been okay coming from your wife. But from you? It's just secondhand advice.

You wrote elsewhere that she "seemed thankful". I will also tell you that when older men attempt to give me advice I don't want, need, or agree with, I just thank them. It's not worth the discussion. And she was in your house, and found crying. She was already in a vulnerable state. If she felt uncomfortable or threatened by you, what do you think her options actually were?

You probably know you're a decent fellow who wouldn't hurt her or flip out and scream, but she doesn't know you. You see yourself as taking on a fatherly, friendly-older-relative role, but she might not see you the same way. Many men think that they appear harmless, but actually are just not seeing the ways in which people are vulnerable (did she have a way to leave the room without passing by you? Where is the couch in relation to the wall? Does she know the layout of your house as well as you? Are there objects around that she could use to defend herself if you had been a threat?). You clearly meant to be a calming, friendly presence, but as you don't know her history at all, being approached by a man she doesn't know could be very threatening, indeed, and for absolutely nothing to do with you.

I have men come up to me sometimes and advise me on various things they think are important, such as my appearance not matching what they think it should be, and they often cite their wives. OP, I mean this in a nice way, but I do not care about their wives or what their wives think. I don't know these people, they don't know me, and their advice can usually be boiled down to, "I disapprove of what I see. Here's what to do to make me approve. I think I'm helping and keeping you safe.". But since they don't know what I've done or why I make the choices that I do, most of the advice falls really flat. It's stuff I already know and have chosen not to pursue for whatever reason, and now I'm annoyed and feel condescended to. I still usually smile and say something like "Thanks, I'll keep it in mind" or something, because otherwise, there likely will be an angry reaction as to why I'm not accepting their "wisdom". You never know who will get violent about it, either. Easier to just accept and move on.

I'm not young. I'm in my 30s. Even in my younger days, I did not need advice from people who had no experience with what I was choosing and exploring. Would you want advice on stepparenting from a never-married, never-parented teenager? Wouldn't it feel like... "why are you telling me this?". Would you want job advice from someone who was never in your field? There are scenarios in which yes, they actually could be good advice, but more than likely, they have a surface understanding of your problem and aren't helping. Instead, it's meddling.

That's what you did: you meddled. You meant well, but you were more interested in telling her your opinion than you were helping her. You simply don't know enough about her to offer good advice.

Okay, finding a crying woman in your house is alarming. I'd ask if she was okay, too. But in the future, don't dispense unasked-for advice. If she doesn't literally say, "what should I do?", then she's not really interested in the opinion of a stranger she's just met. She could be crying for all kinds of reasons, and not necessarily trauma or even sadness about this situation. Others pointed out that maybe it was a stressful week at work. Maybe Grandma got annoyed with something and said a rude comment. Maybe it was the anniversary of a loved one's death. Maybe she was just in one of those moods and thought about a cute dog and got sniffly.

She might be 100% okay with someone like your stepson, who isn't about commitment right now (or maybe ever). He might have been very upfront with her: you don't know, because you never asked your stepson. She might have talked to him for a while online and this is the first time they met. Your concern was not about if she felt safe, if she was struggling, etc., but rather, casting aspersions on her character and decisions by implying she was irresponsible and stupid. Put yourself in her shoes: if you were her, would you appreciate your reaction?

If you want to help, start with the person you think is causing the problem: is your stepson being honest with these women? And if you don't have the requisite closeness and relationship with him to have these conversations, then I think you should really consider why you think it's all right to start advising women you don't know at all, instead of the man that you do.

Cel_Gabe · 2021-10-15T16:54:28+00:00

"Hookups are low commitment and allow you to focus on your kid"

What SHIT did I just read? 😣😣

ConfusedBisexual1992 · 2021-10-15T16:59:37+00:00

I’m with the father on this one. I regret almost all of my casual sex experiences, and would advise any younger person to avoid it altogether.

Yogacat4 · 2021-10-15T15:46:57+00:00

His house, his rules! He’s paying the mortgage. 💸

slayeroftruth · 2021-10-15T16:27:23+00:00

I'm glad she is getting good advice from someone. No women should settle for man especially when having kids. The man better be worth the changes your body goes through to have child. When you already have kid staying with loser will never work out. At least he will be leeching bum and at worst abusive. He did not shame her but gave good advice. Men and pick me's hate it when men are independent thinkers. They can't use them to abuse women.

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The_Nobody_Diaries · 2021-10-15T17:26:22+00:00

Hookups are how you prioritize your child?! What kinda BS is that!

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2021-10-15T18:40:48+00:00

Also, the stepson is a public health hazard

Title	HVM tried to give sound advice to a young single mother in distress and got so much hate from Reddit
Author	MysteriousLife7
Upvotes	538
Comments	67
Date	October 15, 2021 1:48 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/q8otof/hvm_tried_to_give_sound_advice_to_a_young_single/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hvm-tried-to-give-sound-advice-to-a-young-single.1079378 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079378

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