What do you think constitutes “nagging”?

Matt_Door · 2021-10-26T19:23:16+00:00

“Why do you always…”

“How come you never…”

And fill in the blanks with some kind of shame/guilt based attempt to make the other person feel poorly about themselves, instead of just being direct with what you need and want. Remember to “reward” behaviour you want to encourage…

SnooCats37 · 2021-10-26T20:28:34+00:00

Noone likes nagging but if you say you're going to do it, then do it. It's not fair when men/women agree to do something, like their fair share of the household tasks and one person has done what they agreed to and every day you see the other person not pulling their weight. It's gonna lead to nagging. Don't wanna be nagged, do what you agreed to in tbe first place.

LeadInfusedRedPill · 2021-10-26T19:40:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Fusiontron · 2021-10-26T23:20:15+00:00

I am actually on team women here. 80% of what is called "nagging" is already constructive criticism or genuine concern.

One of favorite forms of flirting actually is when a woman teases me like "Joey, you need to remember to zip up your coat, do you need help with that"?

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2021-10-27T00:29:37+00:00

Minimum is When you default to telling them to do something before you check if it's done.

EmptyVisage · 2021-10-27T09:40:25+00:00

Nagging is, in my mind, just repeatedly asking for something that you have already been given an answer to. It usually represents a lack of trust/faith in the partner to get a job done, despite it not being your job to remind them. Nagging can be extremely annoying, patronising and often insulting. What is more unfortunate is that, despite it being universally a bad thing, the person nagging may well think they have good intentions, because they are arrogant enough to think they are in a position to make judgements on someone elses wellbeing. I haven't noticed much correlation with nagging being male or female, it seems to go hand in hand with controlling/ neurotic behaviour.

RahLyt · 2021-10-26T20:33:10+00:00

Nagging is a woman thinking her way of doing everything is the right one.

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DerekMorganBAU · 2021-10-26T20:09:40+00:00

When they act like what they want to be done is an emergency.

“Omg can you PLEASE go to the store to get eggs I want to bake cookies”

“I just worked a 18 hour shift and I am already chillin at home. That can wait.”

“No just to it—“ etc etc

No man wants to hear that. Just say “You’re right baby you need time to yourself too do it whenever you can”

Men get MORE done when it’s on THEIR timetable. NOT yours. That’s the disconnect. We know what is urgent and what isn’t. My baby mama will put off a doctors appointment but nag about paper towels. That’s the disconnect.

nemporisso · 2021-10-26T18:58:02+00:00

When you have a familial relationship with someone, and repeatedly ask something of them that you feel is a duty/expectation.

I've not really heard anything like the injury example, if you want to elaborate

xFallacyx69 · 2021-10-26T23:06:13+00:00

You can tell me what to do or how to do it. Otherwise Shut up

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-10-27T02:03:00+00:00

Nagging is usually Criticism and Contempt, two of the four horsemen in Gottman's research:

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Nagging also involves devaluing your partner, and so losing Fondness and Admiration for a partner.

So nagging is incorporated in the idealize, devalue, discard process which people have in relationships.

And so nagging is correlated with loss of sex in a relationship.

And naggers often get high n-counts, due to rotating through relationships.

Perseus_the_Bold · 2021-10-27T04:53:41+00:00

When you needlessly pester a man about something that he is already aware of during the most inopportune time possible. Such as bring up bills when you are bout to go to bed when nothing can be done about them, nagging him about the trash when friends/family are over. Basically whenever women try to instill a sense of urgency about something for which a man is already very much urgently aware of and does not need the added stress - especially at a bad time when he cannot do anything about it anyway. This is the most common form of nagging.

Another form of nagging is when women just say shit to try and shake a man's frame and see if they can shake him for absolutely no constructive reason. For example: when women see some shit online and then start to pester men on why they're not doing anything about whatever issue she just saw online, as if we are supposed to just drop our entire lives and do women's bidding. Nagging in this case is in fact low level shit-testing and men absolutely detest it.

tonyghow · 2021-10-26T19:27:59+00:00

I think nagging is when one partner asks the other to do something that takes away or goes against a freedom they used to have when they were single.

E.g. having to do chores that you could put off when you lived alone. Having to spend time with people from your partner’s social circle with whom you don’t enjoy spending time. Having to cut down too much on your hobbies to do activities your partner wants. Having to change your style or habits for your partner. Etc.

Hoopy223 · 2021-10-26T20:10:32+00:00

Asking for something over and over instead of doing it yourself/bothering someone about something that cannot be changed/not letting go or forgiving mistakes.

JB8511R · 2021-10-26T21:56:33+00:00

Constant complaining, looking for things to complain about, and complaining when things aren’t to your exact standards. The intensity of the complaining is often excessive for the severity of the issue

Can also include constantly asking you to do something and an inability to take a joke

abaxeron · 2021-10-27T12:09:04+00:00

What in your opinion, gentlemen, do you believe constitutes nagging both in society and in a relationship?

Deliberate psychological torture.

The abuser establishes their and only their understanding of "normal" and "acceptable" as the only true and rightful one, and refuses any compromise. The abuser consistently picks moments when the target is least accepting of criticism and most vulnerable. The abuser keeps criticizing the victim for "wrongdoings" that they have already fixed and apologized for. The abuser tries to disrupt the victim's social circle by shaming and humiliating them in front of their friends. The abuser especially concentrates on "wrongdoings" that happened by accident or otherwise were out of the victim's control (forgetting something that the abuser told or asked you of 10 months ago is a capital offense), for the abuser knows and remembers: the task at hand is not to correct the victim's behavior; it's to destroy their self-esteem, induce or enhance their depression, and ultimately mentally kill them as a person.

I've been in the situation twice. Once it was my mother, who on one hand was too stupid to avoid having me, and on the other too much of a pussy to disown me, leaving her with the only option of chaotic unpredictable outbursts of pure animalistic hatred.

And_Rue · 2021-10-26T19:45:32+00:00

Any time a woman doesn't respect the fact that you are voluntarily giving your love, time, or energy to her, and she is owed nothing.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-10-27T04:28:22+00:00

Real nagging tends to set in when a woman feels trapped in a marriage or relationship with a guy but now regrets the choice. She feels she could do better. He no longer meets her perceived overall sexual selectivity and hypergamy standards.

This isn't to cast judgment or blame. The guy could fucking be a slob and deserve it.

But from what I have seen, when a woman is really proud of her man overall--when he is the kinda guy she can brag to her GFs about and make them all jealous, and when she often just wants to jump his bones, everything takes on a way different tone. Faults are still seen and not entirely overlooked. But the timbre of everything is just way different when the overall respect and desire are strong.

343_peaches_and_tea · 2021-10-27T15:17:43+00:00

My house is currently a mess. It was clean two days ago.

My wife has been home for two days with the kids on half term.

I understand it's a lot to manage. I won't comment. I assume she's been busy. But the mess has been 100% hers. I've not been in the house much. I've eaten out, not cooked.

In exactly the same circumstance my wife would naturally complain that I'd allowed the mess to pile up. It would be commented and remarked upon. It would be "for fuck sake, why have you let the house become such a state?"

Recently she once went away for two days. When she left the kitchen was a bit messy (in large part because of her). It was the same level of messy when she got home and apparently that was my fault.

totalnerve438 · 2021-10-27T21:30:03+00:00

From my perspective, most of "nagging" is when a woman is telling a man to do something over and over again that he doesn't want to do. I blame the man - either do it or firmly say "No". I understand that it's not that easy though - often times the man in this situation wants to do it but can't bring himself to (put the clothes in the hamper, clean up after yourself in the kitchen, send job applications, ask for an long-overdue raise, take out the trash on time, whatever). Nagging is very common in relationships with unsuccessful or undisciplined men vs. women with high standards.

Zerofication · 2021-11-19T21:14:05+00:00

Persistent direct or indirect demands to get the other party to do something they're refusing or unwilling to do.

LowCreddit · 2021-10-26T22:12:12+00:00

The opposite of nagging is polite asking. Nagging is when it is either impolite or a demand. Bonus points for unnecessary repetition.

Real_Vents · 2021-10-26T23:46:05+00:00

Unnecessary reminders that take away a person's autonomy to think/make decisions for themselves.

Especially if it's something the other person is requesting someone other than themselves to devote their time and energy on.

If the person hasn't kept their word though nagging isn't going to solve anything either. At that point both people have to have a sensible conversation and have the person set out a clear deadline they chose that both people can agree on.

Aw0lManner · 2021-10-26T23:48:38+00:00

I don't know, because I never experience it. Keep frame playas

Title	What do you think constitutes “nagging”?
Author	FabulousFuchsbau
Upvotes	9
Comments	154
Date	October 26, 2021 6:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qgdda7/what_do_you_think_constitutes_nagging/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-you-think-constitutes-nagging.1081683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081683

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